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For those of you wondering how I get off calling this 3000 posts, I closed off T. Analog Kid at 2112 posts -- 2112 + 888 = 3000.
For those who have come to expect really interesting and creative landmarks from me, I'm just too tired these days.
It’s been about 10 ½ months since 2000 posts... and what a time that has been.
I’ve gained a son, watched my best friend get married, and taken my kids for their first roller coaster rides. I saw movies that moved me indescribably, added another degree to my black belt in kung fu, and walked through a tank of Bull Sharks. I had an old friend move back in town and a new friend move away. I regretfully cut off contact with a dear friend and then re-established it, not without some regrets as well. My wife left me, my job closed down, and my parents moved back into town from Mexico as my dad retired. I have learned to control my kids without resorting to spanking and I have decided that bankruptcy is the only way out of my financial hole. I am continuing to learn that God loves me, rebuilding a faith that has been sorely tested and nearly broken over the last two years, and am still smarting from the revelation that a young priest with whom I worked was arrested for possession of Child Pornography a few weeks ago. I had my first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas without Monica and learned much about what I had to apologize for and, just as importantly, what I didn’t.
I am eating less, exercising more, and learning who I am... living alone for the first time in my life... taking care of myself physically and emotionally in ways I never have before... realizing that I don’t have to be perfect... that I especially don’t have to be what anyone else’s idea of perfect is... I’ve learned a great deal of how to be honest with myself, and, consequently with others... I’ve learned that my kids love me and am learning to love myself as well and that very little else matters. .
As I said elsewhere I’m learning not to be clingy, learning not to crave attention, learning real confidence and trust in myself.
I have a friend who likes to say I’ve developed a black belt in being me... and she’s right, I have. Enough so that I’m not trying to make my relationship with her into something it’s not just because she thinks I’m a good guy. This last may not seem like such a huge step, but it really is the strongest indicator of how far I’ve come. She sent me an e-mail from several months ago, just to show me how much I’d progressed. I was shocked at some of the things I had said... so much so that I was moved to apologize to someone I thought had been unfair with me, but who was simply setting a good boundary.
Monday will be one year to the day since my first psychodrama exercise and will also be my last therapy session for some time to come... and the difference in me is staggering. I look forward again, but I don’t daydream nearly so much... the reality of my world is enough for me. I have trust in the future, rather than hopes for it, and the present is a good place.
So... that’s the status of the Jim-Me, for those who are interested. I feel I have a drastically increased understanding of redemption, of love, and of myself... and it is Good, even though the price of admission has been steep.
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Wow. That is a fabulous amount of growth and selfhood. We're glad to see you back - you've always been an asset.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Looks like you've been through a lot in the recent past, and have doen a good job coping. Great landmark, though the psychodrama landmark you linked to was even better.
Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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Self-knowledge is a wonderful and wondrous thing. I'm sorry the cost has been so high. May you continue to grow in self-knowledge, but may the payment plan be less onerous.
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Wow. It sounds like things are really looking up for you. Some people dig themselves out of a hole, but you're actually remembering to fill the hole up so you don't accidently fall back in.
And I LOVED the kids thread; not sure why I missed it the first time around, but it made me want to have kids.
quote:It sounds like things are really looking up for you. Some people dig themselves out of a hole, but you're actually remembering to fill the hole up so you don't accidently fall back in.
That's very profound and wise, Adam.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Hi Jim-Me. It's so good to know you're still around.
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May you continue to grow in self-knowledge, but may the payment plan be less onerous.![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
