As tradition I will now fill a large quantity of bandwith letting people know who is this strange person that pops in and out of their threads.

Who am I? That is not an easy question to answer. In every category, my Religion, my Job, my Politics, etc, I have some explaining to do.

My Family is probably the simplest. I am a 38 year old overweight underhaired man married to a wonderful woman for 13 years. We have no children, for medical reasons, and have not braved the adoption field yet. My wife is wonderful, her major fault, being too busy on-line to become addicted to Hatrack. You notice I may flirt a time or two. I do this only because of a mental disorder I suffer from. It is mentally impossible for me to pass up a bad joke. I am not flirting for sexual gratification, but for humorous gratification.

I have two dogs, a wonderful older Chow named Radar and a troubling mixed young dog who is part beaver. Her recent attack on our fence resulted in our third dog, Sophia, disappearing out of the whole and not returning.

My Job is manyfold. I want to be a writer. I have articles in some online magazines, but have yet to be paid for my writing. Until then I sell entertainment. The entertainment I sell is not name-bands or TV Stars. It is birthday party magicians and inflatable Sumo Suits. Mostly its inflatable games. I have been selling things since High School. I am good at it.

I am also Santa Claus. I am also the Easter Bunny. I am also a Clown. By next month I may also be a professional magician. Not the kind that you see in Vegas that makes Lions and half-clad women disappear. Its the kind that does birthday parties and company picnics.

My religion is possibly unique. My father is Jewish. My mother is Lutheran, though neither are practicing. They taught me morals, but taught me to search out my own beliefs. I looked into Judaism, Catholicism, and various Protestant churches. I looked into Budhism, even took a course on Islam. None of them were perfect and I knew God was. I learned that believers in every religion I checked into were usually good people doing there best. I learned that a few fanatics in any religion create more evil than they ever destroy. I learned that what is universal in each is the desire to do your best, be the best person you can, and rely on God to help you when you can't. Respect other people and realize that the world is greater than yourself. I follow these and a few other beliefs without joining any church. When I die, if I am 100% right about the afterlife, I expect to be in the vast minority of 1. If I am wrong about the afterlife I expect to be in the vast majority of everyone, except maybe 1.

My politics is simple. I want to be liberal enough to listen to the conservatives but conservative enough to listen to the liberals. I am a moderate, a practical moderate. I know why the country needs its government and the agencies that serve us. I do not forget that people count on it for thier lives. I pay my taxes with pride.

What does this boil down to? I am...the luckiest person I have ever seen. No, I've never won the lottery, but many who have regret it. I have a wonderful job, a wonderful home, good friends, and I found Hatrack.

The secret to the luck is controlling reality. How do I control reality? Reality is 10% fact and 90% beliefs, assumptions, fears, deductions, and delusions--all Illusions. You cannot control that 10% of fact, but you can control the rest. A good attitude, a fresh, positive view, and the world is closer to heaven than hell.

There are those who see the glass as half filled, and they see the world as a wonderful place where water is waiting to be drunk.

There are those who see the glass as half empty and they see the world as a dark place that never gives them their due.

The worst are the people who scream "Who DRANK MY @#$@#$@#$@# WATER" even if the water wasn't theres, and it might have just evaporated, but it doesn't matter because they know someone drank there water just to be mean to them.

So I will use this 1000th post to proclaim my mission. I want to be the Hatrack Opptomist. I will fight Thor and the other negative "who Drunk my @#$@# water" people who want to drag us down with useless fears and pointless depression.

That is my 1000th post dedication.
 

Congratulations on your 1000th.
 

everyone is surpassing me on the 100th post level....200 more...

Satyagraha
 

--xnera
 

You can actually be a PRO b-day magician performer?..hehe..cool..
 

One of the best 1000 posts yet.
 

[This message has been edited by esl (edited October 11, 2002).]
 

That's a good one. I'll try that next time I swipe my co-worker's orange juice

Great post Dan. I'm relatively new here, but I have certainly enjoyed your posts.
 

**Ela** (who never posted a 1000th post thread )
 

Great post, Dan.

~Jane~
 

Great story, thanks!

The glass has water, that's all we need to know.

kris
 

Take care
-Justin-

[This message has been edited by Chuckles (edited October 13, 2002).]
 

quote:

---

You notice I may flirt a time or two. I do this only because of a mental disorder I suffer from. It is mentally impossible for me to pass up a bad joke. I am not flirting for sexual gratification, but for humorous gratification.

---

And I'll just be taking this for myself, thanks.
Look, isn't that Superman?! Yoink!
*Grabs quote and steals away*