I was born on May 16, 1986, and subsequently had two years of peace and quiet before Shlomo was born. Unfortunately, I don't remember a minute of those two years - my earliest memory is of holding my new baby brother on my lap. My parents tell me that he started annoying me early on - I used to scream whenever he came within twenty feet of my blocks, even though he could barely walk at the time and it took him about half an hour to cross that distance.

I lived in a small town in New Jersey for the first five years of my life. I only remember snatches of those years: following my dad around while he shoveled snow from the driveway; dancing in the living room in my favorite purple skirt; running into my parents' room one night when I was afraid of a thunderstorm. I was best friends with a girl in my preschool class - the two of us were inseparable. Every day when I arrived at school, someone would yell to her that I was here, and she'd come running to meet me.

Then when I was five, my family moved to Florida. I don't think I even got to say goodbye to my friend - I remember someone telling me that she'd cried when she found out I was leaving, but I don't remember seeing her before I left. We wrote letters to each other until we were ten, but then we lost track of each other for a while. When we got back in touch, it was only to discover that she'd tried to grow up faster than I did. She was obsessed with boys at a time when I still had no interest in them. We had nothing in common anymore; our friendship was essentially over.

I'd made other friends in the meantime, though. Soon after I arrived in Florida, I made friends with a girl in my kindergarten class. I don't remember how I met her, but we quickly became good friends. In first grade another girl joined us; we called ourselves the Three Musketeers, although none of us were sure exactly what that phrase meant.

But even back then, I never quite felt like I was accepted by my classmates, or even my little group. This little feeling of doubt nagged at the back of my mind until third grade, when it was finally pushed to the front. Someone in my class decided I had the cooties, and the others quickly caught on to the game. At recess I'd chase my classmates around the playground trying to give them "Sarah Cooties." I enjoyed the game, or at least pretended to, but in truth I only played along because I desperately wanted to fit in. But I couldn’t; I was the weird one, the outcast.

So I spent the rest of elementary school feeling isolated, even when I was among my friends. And even my friends had begun to drift away. One of them, like my first best friend, became interested in boys and developed a large group of guy friends. I remained friends with the other for a little longer, but eventually she moved into other circles too. We're still friendly, but we don't hang out together anymore.

In sixth grade, I was assigned to do a history project with a girl who'd come to my school the year before. I'd always thought she was a little strange, and I was not too happy about having to work with her. But I went to her house to work on the project, and after we'd finished working, we had a great time dropping water balloons off her balcony into the parking lot. A short time later, we made a mutual decision to become best friends.

We remained inseparable until eighth grade, when she started hanging out with another girl and excluding me. I was insanely jealous at first, but eventually I called a truce with the other girl and thus began the Three Musketeers, Part Deux. From then on, though, I felt slightly excluded by the two of them; I still resented the intrusion a little bit.

So I began to turn elsewhere. The summer before eighth grade, I'd gone to sleepaway camp and made many new friends. I was particularly close to three of them, and started to think of them as my best friends - I was obsessed with the "best friend" label back then.

And now comes the hard part. I'm not quite sure how to talk about the most recent period of my life; it's still very personal, and I'm not ready to discuss it in detail yet. And it's a bit frustrating that I can't discuss it, because it's hard to really understand the changes I went through without knowing their cause. But basically, a chain of events, involving one of my camp friends and the death of another friend's father, completely changed my view of the world and of myself. I realized that I'd been acting childishly (for example, I was being overly possessive of my friends, always depending on other people to support me, things like that), and I consciously took steps to behave in a more mature manner. I grew up, in essence.

Now I've stopped caring what other people think of me, and I don't care about fitting in either; I just do my own thing. I've become more outspoken as well; I've always had minority opinions, but now I'm not afraid to express them (in large part due to Hatrack, even though I don't usually participate in debate threads here). I am now in truth what I've always claimed to be: an individual.

I'm still an outcast among my classmates. But one of my friends, in her own way, has come to the same conclusions that I have: that it doesn't matter what others think of her. So we're outcasts together. My other friend hasn't yet reached that conclusion - she still tries to fit in - but maybe she'll get there eventually.

I no longer have a "best friend" - I've stopped classifying people. I just have friends. And my life, unfortunately, consists primarily of schoolwork - I'm practically counting the days until I finish high school. I'm looking at different colleges, figuring out what I want to do with my life. I look forward to one day getting married and having children of my own. Socially, I go online whenever I can find the time (and sometimes when I can't). I watch X-Files reruns whenever possible, and I'm still working my way through my FOTR DVD (with minimal success). Occasionally I go to my friend's house and we go out to a movie, or have an X-Files marathon. And that's about it.

Congratulations if you actually read all that. You get a cookie.

~Jane~
 

JaneX, I like that. I had much the same experience with my best friend when I was in junior high - an intruder and insane jealousy. Yours ended better though.

Thank you for the post.
 

::hugs::

Congrats, Jane! You're story is scarily, scarily, close to mine. With the brother, the best friend thing, camp, and even:

quote:

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Someone in my class decided I had the cooties, and the others quickly caught on to the game. At recess I'd chase my classmates around the playground trying to give them "Sarah Cooties."

---

In first grade I lost my best friend. I was diagnosed with diabetes and I told her that. She thought it was contagious, and I thought it was fun chasing her around the schoolyard. She never talked to me again.

I haven't known you for too long, but I'm proud of you Here's to a happy 1000 more!

-KRiS
 

It sucks. Congratulations on learning so much so quickly from your experiences. It took me a lot longer.

[This message has been edited by Polystyrene (edited January 15, 2003).]
 

Congratulations on 1000, and on growing up to be such an interesting individual.
 

::hugs sis::

Ni!
 

Rain
 

This morning, again, the phone rang a little before seven-thirty in the morning. It was Ela checking to make sure I was awake.

~Jane~
 

You are what we call "Good People."
 

manythings could be said for such a story. but i don't know that they need be said. You're still cool by my book
 

ya!!!! 1000!
race you to 2000!
Satyagraha
 

I thought I was the only one who's always had close friends in groups of three!
 

I've had some similar-ish experiences, and Jane, you've learned from them far more effectively than I managed to. Here's to another 1000 posts (while I struggle to get my first 1000 after five years of posting).
 

Whatever...this is a time of celebration. *Takes a cookie and enjoys a huge bite.*
 

Sorry I'm late, Sarah...I was busy laying the smack down.

*hands Sarah a flower*

Congrats! Gotta go now!

*bursts out of thread to return to his smack-laying*
 

Jane, that was beautifully written. Congrats on 1,000.
 

Forgot my cookie.

*grabs cookie*

*bursts back out*
 

*wishes she had a daughter like you*

The "Sarah Cooties" thing sort of rang a bell with me, too. My 'friends' in Christian school used to threaten boys with making me kiss them when I was 12 or 13 and not at all interested in kissing them anyways. I showed them, though, 'cause I grew up purty.

Anyway, Jane, I'm proud to know you.
 

Thanks for the cookie
 

::chomps cookie::

Mmmm...peanut butter!

Jane/Sarah congrats.

Congrats on 1000 posts
congrats on growing up.

My wife moved from Virginia Beach to Florida before finding her way up here. She too talks about feeling out of place and different from everyone at her school, until she almost got into a fight with an amazon of a girl named Chaquita. They became best friends for years.

Did you ever see the cartoon Daria? It is about a high school girl who has her own opinions, is not the "Cute" one, does not fit in. It is the whole world agains her and her best friend--Jane. (It was on MTV, but has moved to Noggin.)

Your story reminded me of her.

For some reason we spend our childhood fighting hard to be "Like" everyone else, when we should realize--we are better!
 

You told me once you didn't have any writing abilities - you lied! That was well written, loved the little details. Loved the bit about calling yourselves the Three Musketeers "even though you weren't sure what it meant!"

Even though I've never been much of an X-files fan, I'd sit through a marathon with you, 'cause you're cool.

*hugs* You're quite a wench too, and I don't give out wench compliments to just anyone.

 

Do you own the complete x-files series? I have the 2 first seasons bought, and the rest all recorded from the tube.

*takes her cookie*

Congrats on 1,000!
 

Thanks, guys. *hugs everyone*

~Jane~
 

[This message has been edited by Vampyr18 (edited January 19, 2003).]
 

::eats 1 1/2 cookies quickly so noone takes them away::
 

Congrats, JaneX.

(I never go to meetings to which they try to lure me by offering cookies. Duh! )

<-- grabs cookie
*hmm, delicious*
<-- steals another one
Just because!

quote:

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If I read it again may I have another cookie?

---

Sure.

quote:

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*wishes she had a daughter like you*

---

*hugs*

Will you settle for cyber-daughter?

quote:

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Did you ever see the cartoon Daria?

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I've seen it a couple of times, yes. I think Daria's cool.

quote:

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Do you own the complete x-files series?

---

I intend to someday... Right now I have most of seasons 1, 3, and 4, about half of seasons 2 and 5, and practically none of seasons 6 and 7. I'm getting there.

~Jane~