posted
Some believe that for true love, one should be willing to die. But me, I would be willing to kill my best friend for Jill. That’s true love.
Posts: 3567 | Registered: May 2003
|
posted
Venin tried hiding the bracelet that marked his treachery. Yet, even if others couldn't see it, its cold magic continually prodded him until he thought he would go mad.
Posts: 836 | Registered: Jul 2004
|
posted
I don't have anyting to add; I just noticed that the counter for this Feedback Forum was at 4999 and I wanted to be able to say I posted message number 5000.
posted
Using a character straight from my 3BGG rewrite, proving you just can't keep a good ninja down!
Susan
******
Aneikaze slipped the cherry pit tenderly into the hole. Five months before, the ninja had killed two thieves here; now it was time to return a life for a life.
******
[This message has been edited by shadowynd (edited September 01, 2004).]
posted
He huddled in the stone corner to cry, wishing desperately that he could remember his name. But his wishes no longer had power. They had stolen that from him, too.
Posts: 1041 | Registered: Aug 2004
|
“Stanley!” Stanley turned and pulled his finger from his nose just long enough to slide it into his mouth. His eyes closed as he savored the saltiness, ignoring his mother.
PS. Edmund, your prize is a Laurel and hearty handshake. (Blazing Saddles)
[This message has been edited by TruHero (edited September 02, 2004).]
posted
this guy is a characterfor an upcoming piece of mine. He's one of the main characters.
Tower,a powerful meta, looked sadistically at his bounty, cracked his knuckles and said,"We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I prefer the hard way!"
posted
Edmund arched his back until his spine creaked with tension. “4,998!” he whispered, “4,999!”, and as his finger jabbed triumphantly down “5,000!", he roared, "5,000!”
Maybe now he could sleep.
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited September 02, 2004).]
posted
A slightly rancid odor tickled at Katrina’s nose as she unwrapped the piece of liver, her hands trembling with their customary uncoordinated dance, age spots aquiver. If only an onion.Posts: 1810 | Registered: Jun 2002
|
quote:Deformed, unfinish'd, sent before my time Into this breathing world, scarce half made up, And that so lamely and unfashionable That dogs bark at me as I halt by them;
Of course I didn't write this, but I think Shakespeare would have posted it himself if he were still around.
[This message has been edited by Robyn_Hood (edited September 03, 2004).]
posted
I figured he could get away with a few extra words for each century he's been dead. Besides, a lot of those words have less than three letters Posts: 1473 | Registered: Jul 2004
|
posted
Did I say you could post as many as you want?
quote:“In the end,” Henry breathed, as he laid his head down for the last time, “In the end, the love will carry through. The love must carry through.”
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited September 02, 2004).]
posted
Kat fought to remain motionless as the pain shot through her, all sense of time forgotten. “I have to do this for her, I refuse to be weak” she murmured.
[This message has been edited by Lizm (edited September 02, 2004).]
posted
I think it only fair that if we have to compete with Will, that Robyn Hood find and present one of his character sketches that only comes to 30 words or less. In toto.
Posts: 2710 | Registered: Jul 2004
|
posted
His voice fitted will, carrying with it an air of authority. It was immediately obvious who led this disparate group.
Posts: 575 | Registered: Dec 2003
|
posted
Vasily's graceful hands danced on the piano keys as if carried away by Beethoven's own soul. Plunged in his music he could forget the face of the people he killed.
quote:I think it only fair that if we have to compete with Will, that Robyn Hood find and present one of his character sketches that only comes to 30 words or less.
I have amended Mr. Shakespeare's unofficial contribution to the challenge so that it complies with the rules .
Tanya gripped the sink’s edge, tuning out Jeff’s harsh words. A drop of blood fell from her torn thumb and pooled on broken, white china, before dripping down the drain.
posted
Hungry, the escaped convict found his next meal: a boy, no older than six, alone at the playground. The cannibal's black, beady eyes scanned for witnesses as he crept closer.
(I hope it's 30 actual words we're counting.)
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited September 05, 2004).]
posted
Fat Teddy often found himself walking into telephone polls as he salivated at passing by women. To solve that problem, he took to wearing a big pillow on his chest.
Entries with my thoughts:
(Many of these are great writing but not great character descriptions) Mikemunsil
quote: "My friends call me Grim. My enemies call for help, then they die."
My thoughts: This seems fairly normal. A sign of this characters commoness can be seen in there being an almost exact repeat of this submission.
Christine
quote: Some believe that for true love, one should be willing to die. But me, I would be willing to kill my best friend for Jill. That’s true love.
Again, nothing fantastic here. Interesting character? Yes. Fairly standard? I think so, yes. djvdakota
quote: A boy, fine featured and easily mistaken for a girl but for the jaunty thrust of his chin and a stride that mimicked the man he so longed to become.
Very interesting. Gets my vote for best. Paints a very clear picture and conflict. Keeley
quote: Venin tried hiding the bracelet that marked his treachery. Yet, even if others couldn't see it, its cold magic continually prodded him until he thought he would go mad.
Fairly interesting; a good enough segway into a story, though not something that paints a clear picture of a character. shadowynd
quote: Aneikaze slipped the cherry pit tenderly into the hole. Five months before, the ninja had killed two thieves here; now it was time to return a life for a life.
This is a good story opening, but not really a clear illustration of a character. Ferrus Magnate
quote: Ferrus Magnate held the sum total knowledge of the universe in his mind. Trouble was, his mind was in a small box outside Hoboken.
Not sure what this means. Jeraliey
quote: He huddled in the stone corner to cry, wishing desperately that he could remember his name. But his wishes no longer had power. They had stolen that from him, too.
Interesting. Though again, a story segway. It's a good one at that, though. TruHero
quote: “Stanley!” Stanley turned and pulled his finger from his nose just long enough to slide it into his mouth. His eyes closed as he savored the saltiness, ignoring his mother.
Ick! Nice one Monolith
quote: Tower,a powerful meta, looked sadistically at his bounty, cracked his knuckles and said,"We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I prefer the hard way!"
Seems like this is taken out of a scene. Would be better, imo, without the exclamation mark -- it makes the whole thing seem to "happy". Kolona
quote: A slightly rancid odor tickled at Katrina’s nose as she unwrapped the piece of liver, her hands trembling with their customary uncoordinated dance, age spots aquiver. If only an onion.
Not sure what this means, but I understand enough to want to know more. Shakespeare
quote: Deformed, unfinish'd, sent before my time Into this breathing world, scarce half made up, And that so lamely and unfashionable That dogs bark at me as I halt by them;
Eh. Shakespeare. I insult him, I get lynched. But I don't really like this character description. mikemunsil
quote: “In the end,” Henry breathed, as he laid his head down for the last time, “In the end, the love will carry through. The love must carry through.”
Again, this seems more like a hook than a character illustration. Lizm
quote: Kat fought to remain motionless as the pain shot through her, all sense of time forgotten. “I have to do this for her, I refuse to be weak” she murmured.
Same as above. Yanos
quote: His voice fitted will, carrying with it an air of authority. It was immediately obvious who led this disparate group.
Clear picture is painted here -- willfull person. However, the mental image has only one aspect -- the person still isn't quite clear. bablyonfreak
quote: Vasily's graceful hands danced on the piano keys as if carried away by Beethoven's own soul. Plunged in his music he could forget the face of the people he killed.
Very good. I do suspect I've seen this type of character before, so that lessons this piece's strength, however. Robyn_Hood
quote: “Bang! You’re dead.”
Just like on T.V.
He won’t get my lunch money anymore.
But I’m not bad. It was just a game. Cops and robbers.
Just like on T.V.
Very interesting (how many times have I said that?). Again, though, feels like story segway. NewsBys
quote: Tanya gripped the sink’s edge, tuning out Jeff’s harsh words. A drop of blood fell from her torn thumb and pooled on broken, white china, before dripping down the drain.
Same comment about story segway. HSO
quote: Hungry, the escaped convict found his next meal: a boy, no older than six, alone at the playground. The cannibal's black, beady eyes scanned for witnesses as he crept closer.
Again. This does, however, paint a clear picture. Phanto
quote: Fat Teddy often found himself walking into telephone polls as he salivated at passing by women. To solve that problem, he took to wearing a big pillow on his chest.
Good enough, but not as good as the one about the boy with chin and features.
[This message has been edited by Phanto (edited September 05, 2004).]
posted
I took my children to playgrounds two days in a row this week. My resulting suffering inspired this contribution to the challenge:
"Tabitha was young, yet cut off from the youth of spring. She broke rules - would open windows to sniff newly-bloomed roses, willing to suffer thick welts of hives in consequence."
posted
Ok Mike, here ya go, here is a descriptor of Tower.
At 6'9, weighing 375, Tower knew he was intimidating. Black hair, black eyes, long black hair, with black shades, and jeans. He completed his ensemble with a black duster and leather boots.
Is this more of what you were looking for Mike? Let me know.
I think you are limiting yourself overmuch. Rather than just asking "Does this description tell me what the character looks like?", perhaps you should ask "What does this description tell me about the character?"
Many of the entries, if not all, DO tell us something about the featured character, though not necessarily their physical features. But whoever said it HAD to be their physical features?
Aren't all of these things part of a 'character description' too?
*mental/emotional state *special abilities or talents *character's past *marital status *parental status *morals *philosophy *habits, good or bad *personality *financial status *age *location
Each of these I gleaned from at least one of the proffered descriptions, often from multiple entries.
Expand your definition of 'character description', Phanto, and you will probably find most of these entries to be quite clever and informative!
posted
I agree that restricting this to physical features is stupid. My problem is, however, that many of the descriptions leave me with an empty vision with only one trait emphasized, whereas the "winning" entry gave me an entire character that I could see, both the mental aspects and physical.
Posts: 697 | Registered: Mar 2003
|
posted
The thing is that many of these entries leave me with images like "sick man that has betrayed someone with evil bracelet on his hand" which is VERY good for 30 words. But it's just not a complete charachter sketch in my mind.
Eh. You are mostly correct, though. I'm being too narrow-minded. Oh well.
posted
Ah, but we were going for most *memorable*, not most complete. Of course that's a personal opinion too, as to what constitutes most memorable. To you it may indeed by the most complete!
Maybe our next mini-challenge out to be "most intriguing physical description"! *G*
posted
Well, I really didn't know what to expect when I issued the challenge, but so far I find myself agreeing with Phanto that many of our responses are more "hook-like" than pure character description.
However, I deliberately chose to challenge y'all to make a 'memorable' character, understanding that the term is rather vague and subjective, hoping to see more than just character descriptions. I was not disappointed. Not at all! I bow in y'alls general direction.
To me, the most memorable character is the sociopath that Robyn Hood presented, followed closely by the truly revolting Stanley! Perhaps they're related?
Printer-friendly view of this topic
]
(Blazing Saddles)
