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Author Topic: To Return to the Mountain
Gwalchmai
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Am just about to begin editting a YA fantasy novel I finished a couple of months back and am looking for critiques of the first chapter (4200 words) to get me on my way.

quote:
Fluttering from the wet branch of a giant ash, hung a bright yellow flag. Ahead, Michael snatched it down triumphantly and turned towards the rest of the team.

“Come on, Andrew, hurry up,” he yelled to a younger boy still coming up the trail. “I’m sure you only got put in my team to make sure we’d lose. John, bring that map here.”

John stepped up from third in the line and the other boys crowded round to get a good view. He unfolded the map carefully and a pale boy promptly put a finger on their position.

“This was the fifth flag so now we need to get to this clearing here.”



Posts: 156 | Registered: Nov 2003  | Report this post to a Moderator
Tess
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I'm interested in YA also. I'll read it.
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utah1692
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i'm interested in seeing a little more of your writing style. why don't you email me the first three pages of the story.
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Gwalchmai
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Okey doke, thanks the both of you. It's on its way.
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maverick
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I'd be interested in reading the first chapter or so. Email it to me. Make sure you put Hatrack Forum in the subject, otherwise I may inadvertenly delete it.

Mav


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Survivor
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Er...that first paragraph....

Well, I'll let you get with the editing.


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