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Author Topic: Alfred's world
TheoPhileo
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Just a fun idea I had... thought this would be the only place I'd ever find an audience for it. Unfortunately the novelty was never worth the effort for me to write any more than the first 13 lines. If you want to run with the story, feel free.

- - - - -

Alfred awoke and immediately something felt amiss. His bare feet were chilled on the cool tile floor as he stumbled from his bed to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror, and saw a haggard face, framed by unkempt brown hair. In that instant, his fears were verified; he was in the middle of a poor writer’s story.

All the rules were broken. Sentences were plastered with passive voice and cheesy narrative effects, the type employed by all beginning writers. How would he ever escape? How could he pass a message to his author that things were all wrong? Will the author even keep the rules of POV?


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benskia
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Edited because this post was a bit offensive.

I didn't think it was all that good by the way.

[This message has been edited by benskia (edited April 21, 2005).]


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HSO
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Benskia, surely you can express your displeasure with a little more offensiveness if you tried.
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HSO
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Theo, perhaps this would make a fine start to a humorous article about POV rather than a story. Some ideas can be retooled into new formats. Just something to consider.
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MaryRobinette
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I can think of a few markets that might take a story like this. If it's done really well and is a flash, you could probably bundle it with a how-to article and send it to a writer's market, like HSO suggests.

[This message has been edited by MaryRobinette (edited April 21, 2005).]


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benskia
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Lol.
Sorry guys. Yeah, I was being childish. My apologies.

My problem with it is that i'm given the impression that the author is trying to impress me & show how clever he/she is.

There's no story, or information. Just somebody showing off their knowledge and understanding of writing methodology.

I'd rather read something full of grammar and spelling mistakes that told a good story.

Sorry for the rudeness, but I feel like a touch of the HSO's coming on today.


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HSO
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There's nothing HSO-like in the above post. However, if you meant that you're feeling a bit grumpy, then that would be fine.
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benskia
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Grumpy it is then.
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RFLong
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Have you read Puckoon by Spike Milligan? As far as I remember, the opening has the same idea, where the protagonist gets into an argument with the narrator. It's a great example of really humourous writing.

R

ps should have pointed out that its an omniscient narrator, not a character in the story. Anyway...

[This message has been edited by RFLong (edited April 21, 2005).]


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Jeraliey
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Hee hee, this is like MaryRobbinette's adventures....which always make me laugh....
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wbriggs
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I published a story once about an SF hero who worried the author was losing his touch. It didn't break down to the sentence level (though that might have been fun).
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Beth
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thanks, benskia.

[This message has been edited by Beth (edited April 21, 2005).]


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Jaina
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I think this kind of story would have a pretty limited audience, because the only people who could relate are people like us: people who seriously read and critique stories. So I'd read on, but I wonder how many other people would...
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