Hatrack River
Home | About Orson Scott Card | News & Reviews | OSC Library | Forums | Contact | Links
Research Area | Writing Lessons | Writers Workshops | OSC at SVU | Calendar | Store
E-mail this page
Hatrack River Writers Workshop Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » WT: Leprechaun

   
Author Topic: WT: Leprechaun
ChrisOwens
Member
Member # 1955

 - posted      Profile for ChrisOwens   Email ChrisOwens         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
One paycheck away, they say. If I had a paycheck then, I’d have spent it on booze. Kind of hurts my case, you know? Truth is I didn’t care anymore. All that mattered was the next sip.

I huddled in my spot, a scrap of cardboard beside the dumpster. The cardboard had made a nice box once. It didn’t take long for it to fall apart. Just another thing I’ve ruined. It seems everything I touch turns to trash. So don’t touch me. You might too.

I contemplated the fire escape. A climb to the roof. A jump. A few seconds later— splat. Escape of a different kind. That’s why I had my head up in the air.

When the little fellow floated down on his carpet, I came close to tossing my bottle. Instead, I shook my head, and took another sip. I tried to blink him away.
-----------------------------------------------
Something I churned out today. All I got so far. Cliche?

[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited May 19, 2005).]


Posts: 1275 | Registered: Mar 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
wbriggs
Member
Member # 2267

 - posted      Profile for wbriggs   Email wbriggs         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah, but I'd keep reading!

Oooh, no, I just noticed the title. I don't care for leprechauns, especially outside their native environment -- I'd suggest you make up your own new kind of halfling!


Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
Keeley
Member
Member # 2088

 - posted      Profile for Keeley   Email Keeley         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It depends on how the leprechaun is portrayed. So far, the main character sounds a bit cliched, but not enough to turn me off. I've never heard of a leprechaun floating anywhere on a carpet, so I'm very much intrigued by what's going to happen next.

I say, keep going with it.


Posts: 836 | Registered: Jul 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
jeduthun
Member
Member # 2563

 - posted      Profile for jeduthun   Email jeduthun         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I had trouble with the constant shift between present and past tense. Pick one and stick with it.

Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
Survivor
Member
Member # 213

 - posted      Profile for Survivor   Email Survivor         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kinda interesting, but....

It doesn't quite sound right. This story is going to involve a leprechaun as a major element. So your bum has to be really convincing. And, just to me, he wasn't.


Posts: 8322 | Registered: Aug 1999  | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2