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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » WT: Leprechaun

Author Topic: WT: Leprechaun
Member # 1955

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One paycheck away, they say. If I had a paycheck then, I’d have spent it on booze. Kind of hurts my case, you know? Truth is I didn’t care anymore. All that mattered was the next sip.

I huddled in my spot, a scrap of cardboard beside the dumpster. The cardboard had made a nice box once. It didn’t take long for it to fall apart. Just another thing I’ve ruined. It seems everything I touch turns to trash. So don’t touch me. You might too.

I contemplated the fire escape. A climb to the roof. A jump. A few seconds later— splat. Escape of a different kind. That’s why I had my head up in the air.

When the little fellow floated down on his carpet, I came close to tossing my bottle. Instead, I shook my head, and took another sip. I tried to blink him away.
Something I churned out today. All I got so far. Cliche?

[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited May 19, 2005).]

Posts: 1275 | Registered: Mar 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2267

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Yeah, but I'd keep reading!

Oooh, no, I just noticed the title. I don't care for leprechauns, especially outside their native environment -- I'd suggest you make up your own new kind of halfling!

Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2088

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It depends on how the leprechaun is portrayed. So far, the main character sounds a bit cliched, but not enough to turn me off. I've never heard of a leprechaun floating anywhere on a carpet, so I'm very much intrigued by what's going to happen next.

I say, keep going with it.

Posts: 836 | Registered: Jul 2004  | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2563

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I had trouble with the constant shift between present and past tense. Pick one and stick with it.

Posts: 41 | Registered: May 2005  | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 213

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Kinda interesting, but....

It doesn't quite sound right. This story is going to involve a leprechaun as a major element. So your bum has to be really convincing. And, just to me, he wasn't.

Posts: 8322 | Registered: Aug 1999  | Report this post to a Moderator

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