I sit on the church fence, watching the town bustle around like little bees in a hive. All the retired men gather at the hardware store and the women at the Five and Dime to argue over the various points of cooking and pig raising and escape the heat. I eat my Dairy Queen, trying to decide if I should take off to Mills Creek or pay my dues to Reverend Patrick.

I pull off my Yankees cap and wipe the sweat from my forehead, feeling the cool water of the creek begin to call. Vanilla ice cream comes off of my wrist streaking my hair sticky. I look down at my arm. I hadn’t even noticed the ice cream was melting so fast. I smudge it onto my jeans and find this only mingles it with the dust from my pants, painting my arm a gooey brown color.

I don't think an icky smeary ice cream is the way to start a story, either, especially since i have never experienced that myself...

Also, the second sentence is a runon that doesn't flow well at all- I had to reread it several times to figure it out.

I apologize that I don't have time to read more of what you have.

I don't agree with the above assessment of the second sentence. I actually loved it, but maybe because I write a lot of sentences just like it. The only thing I could suggest to improve that sentence would be to add 'to' before the 'escape the heat.'

I'd like to read. Do you want me now or do you have enough readers and would prefer to wait for the next revision? Up to you.

"town bustle around like little bees in a hive. All the retired men gather at the hardware store and the women at the Five and Dime to argue over the various points of cooking and pig raising and escape the heat."

Just a suggestion to delete the "little", if they were giant bees I'd understand. The second like could use some clarification - who's talking about cooking and who's talking about pig raising? Are they discussing escaping the heat. As for the bustling town, I'd say that's fine. A town is generally thought of as a collection of people, not the buildings.