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Okay, this is what I am attempting to accomplish- a full novel that is only six planned chapters away form being finished. I REALLY WANT FEEDBACK ON THIS!!!!!!!!! I also want to know who would read the whole thing. I’d post the chapters in different sections. Here goes nothing. Really…
Chapter One *First Encounters*
Its bulbous yellow eyes stared deep into my eyes…into my soul. For the first time in my life I actually felt fear; fear that I may die here and now. It bared its horrible ugly fangs and breathed on me, sniffing. The breath that wheezed in and out of its lungs was a smell beyond death, beyond rotting carcasses it made meals from, beyond…anything. As it breathed, an ugly green puss oozed out at the base of its rotting yellowed teeth.
The creature suddenly grabbed hold of me with a hand. The hand had powerful fingers and huge claws that I felt puncture my skin. It squeezed the last breath of air I had from my lungs, and I began to choke. The monstrous thing growled. It was deep and rattled my bones. I glanced up and down the creature’s
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited December 19, 2005).]
This is a pure fantasy story. Its set only acouple years in the future, maybe around year 2011 or something like that. The main character's name is Alex Cinphor (sin-FORE) and he's a high school student(sophomore). Jake Martyn is the other character I vaguely introduced. Nothing special. Pretty much the entire novel I forget about him. He's...almost a filler character. I for one, like this story. I rewrote it maybe..oh...six times before I got a version that I liked. I'm stickin' with this one. It gets better. Trust me.
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Wow. That is really, really good. =D I'd read on if I had the chance. ^^
I like your wording and stuff, but we're doing a short story unit in LA currently, and my teacher is teaching us that we should show the reader, not tell them. For instance, not say, It had large teeth, but maybe, Its teeth looked twice the size of a normal tooth, standing high over the gums of its mouth. Or something like that. I dunno. xD
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Kewl. Truth be told... I'm only a freshman in high school. I like wording thigs differently, and using uncommon words that most can still recognise. I need acouple more to tell me that they'd read more. Then I'll post full chapters.
[This message has been edited by MidnightWolf_ofClan_Zero (edited December 18, 2005).]
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yeah... I read that in ur... post...thing. The first one. Something about maturity. Nope. I got nothing there.
Posts: 29 | Registered: Dec 2005
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So are both of you guys old enough to understand what "this forum is for writers age 18 and older" means?
Posts: 397 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Aw, come on Kickle. He's got more done on a novel than I ever have. Now he wants feedback from fellow writers. Nothing wrong with that. However, MidnightWolf_ofClan_Zero, I wouldn't go around basically writing 'WOO!!! To young to be here! Yeah!' Why bring it up?
My only comment on the intro is that, if I was being attacked by that thing, I wouldn't be going through a mental list of its physical attributes. Not only that, the description takes away from the immediacy of the situation.
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Thanks apeiron. I thought that a description would help the readers understand what the creature was. And yes, Kickle, I'm old enough to understand that, and I think that if I were to get feedback from peers who are older than me, it would help. I just really want to finish this, and I;m kinda in a jam on chapter twenty 'The Forgiving'.
Posts: 29 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Kickle, I have to admit, that it can be a little bothersome. Especially when, right at the top of the page in bold red letters: THIS FORUM IS FOR WRITERS AGE 18 AND OLDER. But I guess if Kathleen is allowing it, what am I going to do, other than ignore the posts from known youngsters. Do they not have a Forum on this site for youth writers? Isn't that good enough?
I thought I was doing good to ignore the thread about profanity not being allowed on this site due to the rules that are in place. That thread ended up getting locked. I guess the rules don't apply in this case?
Kathleen, does that mean we could allow swearing here, at least on occasion? Or if I feel it fits the circumstances?
Boy, I can be an ASS sometimes. I guess it is just my nature. Of course, I have had over 30 years of experience, so I am quite good at it.
[This message has been edited by TruHero (edited December 19, 2005).]
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"So are both of you guys old enough to understand what "this forum is for writers age 18 and older" means? "
Er, y'know, the moderator allows it. I'm not acting stupid...if I didn't say what grade I'm in, would you have actually known that I'm too young to be in here?
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