"Yet the ship’s life-scanners could detect nothing of any animals, birds, or even the smallest insects." -> "There was no animal life." That is, it doesn't seem surprising to me that there are no animals -- I don't have enough context. (In this future, is it common to find planets with life? Is it rare to find it w/o animals?) It can't seem surprising to the POV character at this point, since there isn't one.
"Registered nothing of conscious intelligence either": how can oceans register conscious intelligence? What does this mean -- a handwavium-based intelligence detector? I'm skeptical.
I don't find a hook in this section. What's the cool thing that you're story's about? Start there, maybe.
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And this is why we ask people to read the "Please Read Here First" topics to find out what we mean by 13 lines. Posts: 8826 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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I love the "no seriously, it is" when it clearly isn't if you read the instructions.
It's amusing that we can even still have this conversation. Consider what "I guess 13 lines doesn't really mean thirteen lines" implies: everyone is using the same browser, with no overrides of font settings, perfectly filling the screen (i.e., fully maximized), etc. That's the only way that this arbitrary-width screen could be consistently "13 lines".
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