Splatter films, snuff, lies caught on camera, snozzled teenage girls showing their bodies for free. Can you imagine? It's changed since then. It's easier, cheaper, less hassle to do it digital, baby. Why have some fragmented, hungover chick show up on your doorstep sniveling about what her parents are going to say when you can get the job done with a hard-case forty-year-old who's been lifted, tucked and airbrushed until even the teenager wishes she looked like that?
Keep it simple, snuffer. That's my motto. So when the Lolita showed up at my door, claiming she was indestructible, daring me to slice and dice, I slammed the door in her face and went back to sucking those little pimento things out of a bowl of olives and considering head shots of half-a-dozen middle-aged

[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited May 24, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited May 24, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited May 24, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by debhoag (edited May 24, 2008).]

Personally, I love a bit of bold fiction -- the more confrontational, the better! And I'm guessing that this is going to be pretty, er, bold

I liked the narrative voice you've used here, and this:

quote:

---

Keep it simple, snuffer.

---

Send the whole thing, if you'd like, and I'll cast my cold eye over it.

Kind regards,

I like it enough overall that I'd definitely keep reading. It's a bit heavy on the slang, though, with "splatter films", "snuff", "snozzled", "Lolita". I'm wondering again about target audience, and whether it might read easier with the terms put in context or otherwise explained.

Send it along?

And sex in the age of VHS--isn't it a bit late for that? I mean, VHS, as a technology, is so last millennium! I'm a bit confused as to the purpose of the piece, as well as what the story is here.

Added: I guess I was a bit confused because I associate VHS primarily with 1980s, early 1990s. There's nothing about the piece to suggest that era. In fact, the reference to doing things "digital" seems to suggest the short-lived laser disc or dvds.

I'm reasonably broad minded and well read (or should I say well exposed?) but I don't understand the slang nor the premise.

I think snuff movies are the really extreme, illegal end of pornography where the girls are killed for pleasure (snuffed out), so I imagine a "snuffer" is one who indulges in such. I'm not a prude but I would not want to spend time with such an MC.

Given that, I assume "slice and dice" is slang for the killing, and I cannot imagine why a whore would volunteer for that. Also, I imagined "splatter films" meant lots of blood and gore ... but only for a short while.

"Snozzled" gave me pause as well. I imagined it was like "sozzled" but given that the other slang was obscure for me, I hesitated long enough to get confused.

I didn't see a hook, just an objectionable MC that I feel no sympathy for--not because he likes whores, that's okay as long as they're free and willing; but because he's into killing them.

Do they really snivel about their parents on the job? Seemed unlikely to me. Surely they're more likely to be plain miserable, with their minds anywhere but on what they're doing.

Hope this helps,
Pat

[This message has been edited by TaleSpinner (edited May 24, 2008).]

I really didn't get from this intro that MC makes movies. I thought he watched them, and was selecting a whore to visit him from some kind of catalogue. Nor was it clear that the teens were turning up having made and regreted a movie. I thought they were whores, from the catalogue.

I seem to be on a different planet from the one you're describing. Maybe it's me ...

(Oh, I forgot in the previous post to say something nice about it. Mea culpa. I'd love to read a ... bold story, Deb, and if I could make sense of it I'd read on--but knowing you and your writing, I'd read on anyhow for a while.)