In the interests of publicly pushing myself to rack up the points in Anthony's "Race" group, the 1st 13 of a (presumably) SF short story. I have no idea where this one is going, but I'm giving myself a week to finish it. Comments on the 1st 13 appreciated.
Regards,
Nick
Colin knew that his killer would be coming for him at five minutes to midnight. The man would walk to his house, along a streetlit road. He would walk precisely through the middle of each circle of light, counting under his breath as he left each one. And then he would gently push open the front door, wipe his feet on the welcome mat, and walk to Colin's bedroom to shoot him. It was a tremendous disappointment when it didn't happen.
Upon waking, Colin checked the date and then carefully patted his bed for bullet holes, powder residue, anything. Nothing. Finally he opened the safe and brought out his death certificate. There was no mistake. He should have died last night.
Very slightly modified new 13
quote:Colin knew the killer would come for him at five minutes to midnight. The man would walk underneath the street lamps to his house. He would walk precisely through the middle of each circle of light, counting under his breath as he left each one. And then he would gently push open the front door, wipe his feet on the welcome mat, and walk to the bedroom to shoot him. It was a tremendous disappointment when it didn't happen.
Colin checked the date and then carefully patted his bed for bullet holes or powder residue. Nothing. Finally he opened the safe and read the details of the death certificate. There was no mistake. He should have died last night.
[This message has been edited by Nick T (edited September 19, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Nick T (edited September 23, 2008).]
posted
This is one of these headscratchers for me. The first paragraph Colin knows so much detail of his expected death, including that he bothered to wipe his feet on the welcome mat. Why wouldn't he know his name if he knew what exact path he would take? Either this guy paid to get murdered or this is a time-traveling tale. Not sure about 'Upon waking' at the start of the next paragraph. Other than that I don't see a problem with it. Not sure if I'm hooked.
[This message has been edited by snapper (edited September 19, 2008).]
posted
I'm hooked. I loved how you turned it in the first paragraph. Well done. I'd be happy to read the whole thing if you like. Just send it along whenever!
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posted
This intro raises so many great questions: How does Colin know what's going to happen? Why is being alive a disappointment? And how does he already have his death certificate? At this point, I am hooked but good.
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