quote:

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these beings would become his

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I think you mean 'it'

Maybe a bit of description on the Agilian would be good, since it is the POV character (as I see it) and I'd like to envision it.

That first paragraph – if the pov is going to have a name, you should give it to us – Kikon’s life quest or whatever. Otherwise, I guess, it’ll have to be – the Agillian’s life quest.

Actually, at this point that entire first paragraph is too vague. I’d drop it and go with the storms. But be clearer.

An electric storm raged outside the dome. Brilliant flashes of lightning strobed the darkness washing out the normal lighting. Each flash threw into stark relief the side of the broken hull and obliterated what remained of the ancient, alien lettering.

Drop the discovery – the craft has already been discovered. His life goal must be to discover its secrets.

Now I’m down to the big hiccup. The Superlative Collective upon Metaphase. At this point – as you have it phrased, it is meaningless. No big wow at all.

If this IS alien and not from their own past and they have kept their language unchanged for millennia (Which I find very hard to believe), how do they KNOW the word means Phoenix?

Was this a multigeneration ship? Doubt that unless it’s a piece of one. The salvation of its species – hmmm…how does the pov and his colleagues know that?

But its understanding wasn’t complete. Phoenix, to its creators was a vessel in which the salvation of its species could be made possible.

This just does not work for me. Understanding wasn’t complete! Either pov knows a bunch about the ship to know its purpose or he doesn’t know much at all. Where is it incomplete? They know the purpose somehow and not what? The drive mechanism? What? This is just my opinion but you don’t have the order of information you give us make sense – yet.

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The beckoning was becoming more and more difficult to endure. With only two lunar cycles (whose moon?) before metaphase (what is that?) commenced, failure to fulfill its (who/what's?) life quest seemed inevitable.
Raging electric storms strobed against the darkness outside the dome (where is this dome? on planet of ship?) above. The Agillian cast a stare (?) at the artifact before (you said it was above) him. The craft that had started it all. Pheonix29 was lettered on the side of its lusterless silver hull. Discovery of this craft and the understanding of the beings (do you mean that the creators had some understanding, or did the Agillians understand the creators, or or does the collective understand?) by which it was created, had become its (whose? whats?) life quest—its knowledge of these beings would become his contribution to the Superlative Collective upon Metaphase (that word Metaphase? again).
But its understanding (whose? whats? of what?) wasn’t complete. Phoenix, to its creators was a vessel in which the salvation of its species (salvation of the creator or the Agillians, or multiple species?) could be made possible.

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