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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Untitled Project - Thanks for your imput

   
Author Topic: Untitled Project - Thanks for your imput
hiphipfantastix
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No one ever says this, but the worst part about being abducted by four masked men is the blatant disregard that they show for your hair. I felt I was polite when I asked them to please handle me by either the shoulders or torso, but one of the scoundrels grabbed a fistful of my brunette locks when shoving me into the back of the van, something I found exceedingly rude. By the time that they slid a tight-fitting sack over my head and our vehicle sped off, I was confident that this would turn out to be a terrible hair day indeed.
I considered for a moment that this was a late surprise birthday party from some of the boys back at the office. I had aged another year almost three weeks prior and not a soul had seen fit to mention it.

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hiphipfantastix
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Sorry! I meant "input" in the title, obviously.
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babooher
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ON one hand, I'm intrigued to know why this guy is so nonchalant about being abducted. Since he isn't worried, I felt no suspense but I do want to know more.

On the other hand the protagonist seems so effeminate that it is slightly off putting. I'm picturing Willem Dafoe in Boondock Saints.


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Crane
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Interesting. And I just assumed the narrator was a woman.
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hiphipfantastix
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Thanks for the feedback--it actually is an excessively vain man.
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Crane
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I would read more because it has the potential to be hilarious.
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hiphipfantastix
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I'd love to toss the first few pages at anyone who's willing to read further.
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Crane
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*volunteers*
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hiphipfantastix
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Thanks! Sent.
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