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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Blood Stew

   
Author Topic: Blood Stew
Denevius
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Genre: Fantasy - Form: Flash Fiction - Length: 643 Words - Looking for readers. Hope this is 13 lines...

Blood Stew

The Orseiag sat on the edge of a massive table stretching from one end of the huge room to the other. At its left rested a pile of gold coins and an unrolled scroll. At its right laid a giant clay bowl filled with blood. A young boy, bound and gagged, struggled to keep his head above the pool of blood. Windshine recognized her tribal leader’s son, naked, terrified, and close to exhaustion. The leg of another boy hung over the bowl’s edge, and from what she saw, most of this other victim had already been eaten.

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pdblake
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I'm a little confused as to where the first boy is. Is he in the bowl or leaning over it?

Sounds interesting enough to carry on reading though.

"At its right laid" should be "lay" not "laid".

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annepin
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I found it jarring to encounter Windshine in the fourth sentence. I could figure it out, but at first I thought she was the same thing as the Orseiag. Also, I'm having a hard time picturing this--specifically, the scale of it. I assume the table must be massive enough to hold a bowl large enough for a child to drown in. So then where is she? On the ground in front? How does she see what the child is doing? A bit confusing.
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Leslie
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I agree with Anne and Pdblake. I didn't understand if the boy was in the bowl, or what. And I was confused by Windshine's sudden appearance.

That said, I think it has great potential, It certainly grabs one's attention right away. [Smile]

Leslie

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Denevius
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thanks for the comments!
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