Hatrack River
Home   |   About Orson Scott Card   |   News & Reviews   |   OSC Library   |   Forums   |   Contact   |   Links
Research Area   |   Writing Lessons   |   Writers Workshops   |   OSC at SVU   |   Calendar   |   Store
E-mail this page
Hatrack River Writers Workshop Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » In Hands of Men - sf/supernatural - whole story

   
Author Topic: In Hands of Men - sf/supernatural - whole story
Jonsul
Member
Member # 8227

 - posted      Profile for Jonsul           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, it's been a while since I was last on this site. I've written something from that time and have become a much better writer than I was. I finished a short story a while ago. I'm usually the type that has a lot of nice half written stuff and not much completed, so it feels nice to complete something.

Sent it in to a few places but got turned down, so I figured to just put it out there. I put a lot of work into this, I consider it a work of art from me. I designed every part of the story and edited it many times. If it turns out to be crap I guess writing isn't for me. I don't want to tell you too much about it and ruin anything for you. haha

Here's the exciting description I cooked up for it if you're interested [Wink]

"What is it, that leads us to urge for chance in the face of suffocating comfort? Elijah, a newly blossomed adult, strives to create a world for himself and that of his beloved. But, as he catches the eye of higher, or lower, powers his whole future is shaken. Is he caught in some twisted man's plot, or has destiny come and called his name for a larger role in the world. Can he make the ultimate sacrifice for all mankind?"

http://www.scribd.com/doc/76200293/In-Hands-of-Men

[ December 22, 2011, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Jonsul ]

Posts: 29 | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jonsul
Member
Member # 8227

 - posted      Profile for Jonsul           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey I had forgotten about the 13 line thing on my last post. But I have a question, it is supposed to protect the writers right?
What if, like on my post, I added a document on scribd.com that has a Creative Commons license attached to it and it's held under my account? I'd really like to know because I feel safe posting it because it's already out there. And really my story is made for the ending and if people can't read the ending it would be rather pointless.

Posts: 29 | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
Administrator
Member # 59

 - posted      Profile for Kathleen Dalton Woodbury   Email Kathleen Dalton Woodbury         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If you want people to read the ending, ask them if they'd like you to send them the whole thing in email.

As well as protecting the author's rights to their work, the 13 lines rule helps protect the Hatrack River Writers Workshop forum from becoming a publisher. We are not interested in being a publisher, please.

Posts: 7996 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jonsul
Member
Member # 8227

 - posted      Profile for Jonsul           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That's understandable, but one last question. In this case isn't scribd my publisher? I'm being sincere and just want to clear up confusion on this. It could rise up again with another.
Posts: 29 | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
Administrator
Member # 59

 - posted      Profile for Kathleen Dalton Woodbury   Email Kathleen Dalton Woodbury         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I guess I don't understand what the problem is. The 13 line rule is for the amount of your story text posted here on the forum. You can post a link to your story here, and that doesn't count as publication by Hatrack, nor does it count as any of the 13 lines of your text.
Posts: 7996 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jonsul
Member
Member # 8227

 - posted      Profile for Jonsul           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That's great, okay anyone got any input for me ^-^
Posts: 29 | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
anarresti
Member
Member # 9614

 - posted      Profile for anarresti   Email anarresti         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I read the first 13 lines or so and didn't get a sense of what the story was about. "They twisted in an odd way he'd never really saw clouds do before" hinted at something, I think. Through most of the first page, it's a record of what Elijah did and saw but after reading it, I can't say what promise has been made to me as the reader. I can't figure out what's going on with the bum freaking out unless Elijah helps me. Help me out Elijah! What's bugging you? Just my 2 cents so far.
Posts: 109 | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lloyd Tackitt
Member
Member # 9714

 - posted      Profile for Lloyd Tackitt   Email Lloyd Tackitt         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My two cents: If whether or not you continue to write depends on the reaction of readers to your work then you are probably in for a life time of disappointment. Some people will really like your work and some won't. Even Hemmingway has detractors.

Asking for critique is like asking another mechanic to help you figure out what causes that engine noise - asking for approval is like asking another mechanic to like you. Very different things.

I get the sense from your post that you are trying to determine if you should continue writing or not; and the answer is YES! Keep writing and you keep getting better at it. Besides, it's fun.

[ December 23, 2011, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: Lloyd Tackitt ]

Posts: 64 | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daniel_W
Member
Member # 9725

 - posted      Profile for Daniel_W   Email Daniel_W         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am so late to the party on this one that everybody's already gone home and the place is locked up, but I wanted to comment anyway - it seemed to get a lot of concentrated attention on December 23rd, and then nothing more.

I will comment on the story as well, but it was your 'I guess writing isn't for me' line that caught me. Putting all your hopes in this one piece, and thinking 'if this doesn't get published, then I will never be a writer' is kind of a self-fulfiling prophecy. Nobody gets their first, or second, or third story published (at least not first time around). Nobody starts out that good. I think the trick is to carry on writing anyway, whilst accepting that whatever you produce is going have its problems. It's in identifying the problems that we progress, and THAT is what leads to eventual publication. It sounds obvious, but if you stop writing, then you won't ever be a writer.

You're obviously very proud of this piece, and that's important. It says that you enjoy writing, and that it IS for you. So with that in mind, be careful of falling into the 'one idea' trap - the notion that you have this one amazing story to tell, and if you can just edit it correctly, you'll have a success. It's a hard truth, but sometimes the stories we write can't stand up under their own weight. They just don't 'work' for some reason, yet people can spend their lives honing The One Idea, and never moving on - never making progress.

I am not suggesting that your piece is one such non-starter - it is far from unworkable. But, I think you should try a few more stories before you give up on the idea of writing altogether. Who knows - the experience of writing the next two might help you improve this first one.

*

I think your opening is doing you no favours. The only thing structurally wrong is that you've littered it with comma splices (e.g. 'It made Elijah feel a bit better, he always hated to walk in the rain before work'). What's killing it, I think, is that nothing happens, and nothing of great relevance is revealed. If you deleted the first two paragraphs, and opened at 'He walked across the street and came across to a store window on the other side', you'd have Elijah walking somewhere, thinking about his wedding, and coming across Pete all in the first few lines: straight away, you've got some mild hooks; stuff is happening, and all I've lost is a little backstory about a man being down on his luck, and something about the weather.

The prose feels extremely 'edited', like you've thought about very hard about every single sentence, but I think you've lost perspective on the piece (and given every line more importance than it deserves). You need to isolate the things that are CRITICAL to the story, and eliminate everything else; currently, your prose is diluted by miscellany.

Also, your title is just begging for a 'the' in there. In 'the' Hands of Men.

*

I don't know if you're still reading posts here, or still even writing, but I guess I just wanted to say 'don't give up', to you, and to anybody else who might come across this and be in the same predicament. Stopping because you don't enjoy it anymore is one thing, and something many people do; giving up because you don't think you'll ever make it is quite another.

Hope this helps,
Daniel.

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2