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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Major Changes: Charlie & Sam story; Looking for Readers

   
Author Topic: Major Changes: Charlie & Sam story; Looking for Readers
Crystal Stevens
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My first draft was just getting the story down. After the first round of those who critted my story, I've rewritten and changed some things that's helped the story tremendously. I'm now ready for another round of crits. This story is approximately 8500 words and will be my next WotF entry. Of course anyone is welcome to crit the 1st 13:

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Charlie rode in rhythm with Dancer’s gallop. Trees swept by on either side when the mare’s stride shortened to round a bend in the trail. What the hell? A naked man gaping at Charlie reflected her own shock. “Whoa!” she yelled, leaned back, and tensed the reins, but Dancer’s momentum still knocked the man in the brush.

Charlie’s skin prickled. A vibrant hum engulfed her. Silver shimmered like electric snow to blot out the forest. It faded to reveal another man standing in a workshop. His surprise mimicked the nude man’s. His gaze dropped to Charlie’s feet before drifting to her rear. She looked too and tried not to scream. Her body from the waist down flowed into Dancer’s chest and shoulders with the rest of the mare’s body behind her.

“What just happened?” Charlie asked while she scanned rows of

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I will add that I'm willing to crit anyone's story who crits mine [Smile] .

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Merlion-Emrys
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It's about high time I read one of your stories. Send it to me.
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babooher
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I'll take a gander.
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micmcd
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I'm game. Liked your first 13.
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annepin
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Crystal, I'm not a fresh pair of eyes but I'd love to see what you've done with this story.
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Crystal Stevens
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I just finished sending this story to everyone who has responded so far. Please be sure to let me know if you haven't received it, and I'll try sending it again.

Merlion; I've received your crit, and will be reading it shortly. Thanks for taking the time, and I'll get back with you once I finish reading it.

Thanks everyone for the offer to read. It's greatly appreciated.

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CGreen
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Very interesting beginning. Good job.
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