Hatrack River
Home   |   About Orson Scott Card   |   News & Reviews   |   OSC Library   |   Forums   |   Contact   |   Links
Research Area   |   Writing Lessons   |   Writers Workshops   |   OSC at SVU   |   Calendar   |   Store
E-mail this page
Hatrack River Writers Workshop Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » The Seeker--first 13

   
Author Topic: The Seeker--first 13
WriteRebekah
Member
Member # 9657

 - posted      Profile for WriteRebekah   Email WriteRebekah         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Deep, terrified sigh. Here goes for your take on the first 13 of a story about a girl who alone can see unicorns--my first completed short story in forever. The story's finished, though not polished, at about 1,500 words, and yes, I'd love critiques on the full if you're in the mood. It's still pretty raw and I hate parts of it myself (note to self: turn off self-defense mechanism before posting next time), but I like it enough to work on it. Thanks!

__

Sometimes the unicorns flashed past her in lightning streaks of yellow and crimson. Sometimes they merely glimmered at the corners of her dark brown eyes. And other times they hovered somewhere just behind her, so close she could almost feel their summery breath on the back of her neck. But whether she leapt to her feet, or whirled around, or tore after them until her lungs burned, the same thing always happened: when she tried to look at them, they were gone.

And each time it happened, Rachel never quite knew whether to burst into laughter or tears. But she did know for certain never, ever to tell anyone about seeing the unicorns. She’d learned that the hard way.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
A Yeatts
Member
Member # 9500

 - posted      Profile for A Yeatts   Email A Yeatts         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I like it! Take a deep breath... it'll all be okay. [Smile]

I'm not much of a 13 line dissector but I'm more than happy to read the entire piece for you.
Anna

Posts: 205 | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WriteRebekah
Member
Member # 9657

 - posted      Profile for WriteRebekah   Email WriteRebekah         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Emailed to you. Thanks so much!
Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
C@R3Y
Member
Member # 9669

 - posted      Profile for C@R3Y   Email C@R3Y         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Send it along. =]
Posts: 193 | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Denevius
Member
Member # 9682

 - posted      Profile for Denevius   Email Denevius         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i'll read also. send it along when you can.
Posts: 728 | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WriteRebekah
Member
Member # 9657

 - posted      Profile for WriteRebekah   Email WriteRebekah         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sent to all. So very grateful. I'm accustomed to dragons, so this unicorn thing is very weird to me.
Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2