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Looking for feedback and readers, want to improve hook and plot flow.
Scott and Harmony dashed through the meadow, breaking off the heads of its bright flowers as they raced past them. The springtime sun hung in the cloudless blue while the flattened flowers behind them released their aromatic scents into the air. Persephone’s spring was in full bloom, and Scott could feel the tender flower petals against his outstretched finger tips. The rolling green hills that dominated the horizon behind them were peppered by the multiplicity of shades and hues of the planet’s vivacious flowers. The two of them had spent their weekend away from university, away from the city and away from the responsibilities of life in nature. As the city of Demeter came into view on the Horizon, the two of them abruptly stopped, their chests rhythmically
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I saw that you sent me an email about this one. I have no idea what happened to it. I can't find it in my trash or any folders. Would you mind sending it again?
Posts: 1888 | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Just my opinion, but I have a library containing over 500 books of fiction; predominantly fantasy and science. I can't think of one of them, and they span 150 years of writing style, in which the language of their prose was so littered with such extravagant use of adjectives.
I want to feel the sun on my face, the grass at my feet, and Harmony's small hand in mine.
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