posted
I'm learning to type with my son in my lap. I expect my typo quotient to go up substantailly.
It's amazing just how much work is involved with a not-even seven pound baby who sleeps all the time. For the last couple of weeks my measure of a successful day is not losing my mind and maybe getting a load of laundry done while I was at it!
Looking to the future, I'm beginning to wonder how writing with kids works. I know that life in general will get easier once this guy starts sleeping at night, butI was wondering if some of you parents, especially stay at home moms, could talk about how you get your work done without neglecting your kids? Do you do it in the evenings when your husband comes home or is there some constructive task you set the little ones to while you get some work done?
posted
Well, Christine, my advice may not help much, but I write after both husband and daughter go to bed. I'm lucky in that Claire sleeps in till about 10 am, with a bedtime of between 8 and 9 pm. So I am sometimes up until 3 in the morning writing, but I know I have until 10 the next morning to sleep. I tried writing during her naps, but I'm not good at writing after lunch. I either need to move around and do housework, or I get really sleepy and end up napping at the same time as my daughter.
It used to work okay for me to write when she was awake, but as she gets closer to 2 years old she's more easily bored and wants a lot of interactive attention, which is different than 'hold me mama' attention. It's easier to type while cuddling, though not much, than to type while reading out loud and teaching clapping games.
posted
My ex-girlfriend had a seven month old when we started dating. I was still going through school at that time and I looked after the wonderful little tyke. I did my homework tasks while looking after him and he just sat there and played with the toys and crawled around when he bored. I was able to get my homework done, and when he slept I was able to spend time with his mother
But I suppose my advice is that just do what you can, Christine. If you can do anything with your new born around then go for it.
posted
When Tina and I had our first child I would come home from work thinking 'Thank-goodness-now-I-can-relax...' and she saw me come through the door and thought 'Thank-goodness-now-I-can-relax...'
Hmm.
It meant we would argue about time and each felt resentful of the other's apparent selfishness. Writing can appear very selfish because it is so solitary.
It did not take us long before we realised we were in a new game with different rules in an arena we hardly recognised.
I guess I'm saying the patently obvious. Make sure your husband knows what you're thinking rather than assuming he has put two and two together and vice versa. Negotiate the rules for the thank-goodness-now-I-can-relax time and stick to them.
If you are like Tina and I, then it is unlikely you will consider the rules themselves as ideal. Rather, you will be negotiating for the 'best fit' and both work towards it and support each other in spending your time the way you want. If I were to do it again though I would build in a 'when things don't go to plan' contingency for when someone's sick or obstreperous.
Like I said, it may seem clunky and far from ideal but it is a structure for working things out.
(It turned out that -- as with others by the sound of it -- I get to write at night after the kids are settled or asleep. I can get about an hour done before getting too tired and making stupid mistakes. But an hour a day is better than 100 hours in a screaming household.)
2¢
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited December 04, 2005).]
quote: I know that life in general will get easier once this guy...
BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*chortles*
I think Hoptoad said it best:
quote: we realised we were in a new game with different rules in an arena we hardly recognised...
Your life has changed, and this is what it will look like until your son and any following siblings are gone away to college. (And even that isn't a given.) You, in fact, will be living a life of stealing 'me' time when and where you can get it. There's usually a lock on the bathroom door. Take advantage of it. As for writing, you need to figure out which end of the day you are freshest, and slot in some time there as best you can. Me, it's morning. As my kids grew older and liked to sleep in whenever they could, mornings became precious like gold. Biologically I'm an evening person, but I've trained myself to love seeing the sun come up. It's my computer, a cup of coffee, and my imagination. Heaven.
posted
It doesn't get better. You may think it, but it's just a head fake. (Three is worse than two, by the way). School starts, homework starts, then comes soccer, or cub scouts, or baseball, or piano lessons, or karate, or whatever he'll be into. Then comes #2 and you get to do everything twice. Your time evaporates until you have to write on whatever time you have available. Stay at home moms have an easier time writing than people with kids who also work, I think, because you can steal writing time during naps or while Barney is on TV. I have 8:00am to 5:00pm completely removed from my life so snippets of writing during work hours isn't even an option.
If you want to write, you have to TAKE the time. Don't expect to have time given to you.
posted
After the clan is in bed and at lunch is how I write.
And we work like the dickens up until the kiddies' bed time. The wife and I both tackle the kids and the housework together. We cook together, I feed the baby his supper, she sets the table and gets food for the 3 year old. After supper we do laundry or other necessary tasks. IE, She takes clothes out of dryer while I clean up the kitchen, then I fold clothes while she does the hang ups, then we pick up the living areas together. All this while fielding the 3 year old and 6 month old. I do the baths and get the 3 year old to bed (stories, sing a few songs, brush teeth, and say prayers) while she nurses the baby and gets him to bed. Also they are both in bed by 8:30 (if we are lucky) 9:30 at the latest. That leaves us with about 2 hours of 'me' time. Then we spend about 30 minutes in bed talking or whatever (usually we are exhausted so the whatevers are limited). Then there are nights when there is no 'me' time because the floors need mopping or it's time to dust and deep clean.
Also, like I said, I often write during lunch. About 30 minutes. The trick I use to improve my efficiency is to think about my WIP during the day at odd times. I keep a small notepad in my back pocket and jot down ideas, snippets of dialog, rough scene outlines, when they come to me.
All in all, I'm usually lucky to get 500 good words a day. Sometimes it's more, sometimes less. But that's a rough average.
Basically you just do what you have to do and figure out what works for you. It helps a lot if you have a good mate and you try to outwork one another.
posted
Christine, I didn't get into writing seriously until after my first two were born. When my third (and last) was born, the other two were in kindergarten and second grade.
I tell you this so I can say from my own experience with that third birth that you need to allow yourself about a year (from a month or so before the birth to several after) to get enough energy to even begin thinking about writing much.
Spend that time filling your "writing reservoir" and if you have any energy or time to spare, write down bits and pieces.
Learn to write something in ten-minute snatches, probably after you've figured out exactly how you want to say it in your head.
I understand that Tolstoy managed to translate some huge work by doing it each day during the ten minutes while he waited for the water for his morning tea to boil.
You're only going to have bits and snatches of energy and time for a while, but it will be okay if you can learn how to use them.
posted
The newborn stage is tough all around. You are still recoverying physically from the birth. It's also winter, and only a physiologically abnormal person doesn't get some degree of seasonal affective disorder.
I'm suddenly guilt struck by this kids video we have that has a message at the beginning that says "we know you will use [video name] responsibly." Responsibly = to stimulate parent/child interaction rather than replace it.
Oh, and what's it they always say? If your kid is driving you crazy, it's because they need a playmate. So the solution is to have another baby :evil:
P.S. Don't make sleeping through the night or any other specific landmark your goal. My third child didn't sleep through the night until she was 18 months. But during the day she was pretty low-maintenance. I wrote a novel while breastfeeding her.
[This message has been edited by franc li (edited December 05, 2005).]
quote:...only a physiologically abnormal person doesn't get some degree of seasonal affective disorder.
Ahem! I resemble that remark. (To quote some cartoon character from my childhood--can't remember who--Bugs Bunny, perhaps?)
My daughter says it's my Gaelic blood that makes me prefer the dark and stormy days to the bright and sunny ones. Could be--I also love bagpipe music.
Anyway, there are physiological things you need to overcome after giving birth, and they will set you back, even if you think you feel fine, Christine. Give yourself time, okay? Don't overdo.
posted
To me, the idea of trying to get kids (and husband) to leave me alone while I write is, well, impossible. I've tried it. With little success.
I have learned to write (more slowly, but still with a good measure of success) in the family room, with the kids right there watching TV or playing games. That way I'm there if they need me, I've grown accustomed to working with the background noise, they're actually less likely to interrupt me because they know I'm available.
I COULD still try to take time away from them (and faithful hubby) to have some ME time for writing. But I really have so very little time with hubby that I can't justify doing that to him, and if I leave the kids to themselves the older ones (13 and 11) take advantage of little one (6). So I have just the one solution. Get used to circumstances and struggle on.
You really can learn to write under any circumstances. I wrote probably half of my first novel sitting in the car waiting for the kids to get out of school.
Still, I'll never be at my best until I do have some of that ever-so-sweet uninterrupted production time. I can wait for that. I figure another 3 to 5 years and it'll be mine. Until then I work as much as I can and try to sell a story or two or just get so darned good at my craft that I'll be able to whip out my first publishable novel in six months.
posted
The other good thing about learning to write in ten minute snippets is that you'll always have that skill in the future. It can greatly enhance your productivity if you can use the waiting room at the dentist or while waiting for your child's band concert to start. I've probably written 50,000 words on my iPAQ that way since I bought it.
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First of all, congratulations on joining the magical-- andextremely difficult-- world of parenthood! I have a newborn, too (my eighth child) and I'm amazed at how easily I have forgotten the amount of work a newborn caqn be.
So here's my advice: Learn to type one-handed. And if your baby goes down for any stretch of time, (mine is 4 weeks old, and if finally starting to sleep for about an hour in the afternoons) jot down your ideas. When you can't be writing, then read. That will help keep your creative juices flowing.
Another idea is to get a small tape recorder to record your story ideas or dialogue, etc. Your son will probably enjoy hearing your voice, as well.
Now I'm going to give some unsolicited advice, and you can take it or leave it, but I feel it must be said. Your little one will grow so fast. Treasure each moment of this time you have just with him. Don't wish he would grow faster or develop sooner. Eighteen years is actually a very short amount of time-- and the baby years are even shorter. Never will you have the experience of being a new mother again. You and your son are both learning as you go, so don't rush it. Enjoy it. There will be years of writing ahead of you. The "story" you are writing now is the most important of your life.
After I posted yesterday I kept thinking about what past experiences I could have to help you out. Lullaby Lady said everything I might have--including learning to type one handed!
posted
Wow, LL, number 8!! I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or fit you for a straight jacket! Probaby both. I'm sure each new addition is as special as the first.
It's interesting timing on your advice to treasure the moment. Last night at about 1 a.m. I was trying to get Drake to nurse while we were both lying on our side so I didn't have to get out of bed to feed him. We spent about half n hour trying to get him to latch, each of us becoming increasingly unhappy by the failed attempts. Then I had a moment of insane frustration. I handed the baby off to my husband, went down the hall to take my feelings out on some unsuspecting stuffed animals, and swore I hated this baby stage. I love him but I wished he'd start growing!
I have to admit, I was never as thrilled about having "babies" as most of the women I've talked to. I wanted kids. Probably, once he's a kid, I'll change my mind.
This morning I visited a group for mothers of pre schoolers who were doing a Christmas thing. They played the song, "Mary, Did You Know?" and I looked at Drake and thought about all the possibilities ahead. Then I forgot about those possibilities and started thinking about the way he looks when he's nursing, his little nose pressed up against my breast and his little fist usually resting on top. He wants so badly just to be close to me. Before long he'll be pushing away and will probably be embarassed by my memories of this moment.
My family all want pictures of him and I've been remiss in taking them. I think part of the problem is that the best picture of him can't be captured by a camera. A picture can be worth a thousand words, but sometimes all the pictures and words in the world can't capture the reality.
Hmmm...but I *am* a writer rather than a photographer...maybe I should try a short essay.
Thanks for all the advice ane personal experiences, including the two people who decided to e-mail me directly instead of posting for the world to see.
I have a notebook in my family room now, ready to go when I need to jot down ideas. I am NOT scheduling in any time to work on my novel or short stories right now, but I am going to try to take half hour to an hour a day to do some journaling. I plan to spend some time reading, both to Drake and for myself. I'm even considering doing some research into the art of writing children's books to help me combine my writing passion and my motherly responsibilities. (I love all kinds of writing, not just scifi and fantasy.)
I also decided to do something that may sound silly, but I think it will be good for me and Drake: Learn something new every day. I got the idea from Wikipedia's "random article" button. I started pressing it and finding out about all manner of things I might not have even thought about looking up before. I want to start doing that with the baby so we can explore the world together and so I can find new inspirtation. Eventually, he should even get something out of it besides heraing my voice.
Kathleen, I was a bit sobered by your advice to wait a year. Until I read that, I still had a goal of finishing a second novel in 2006. I don't know if I need a full year before I start writing seriously again, but I think that goal is a good way to end up depressed and defeated come Christmastime next year. I have modified that goal to a complete rough draft (100k words in a year...I can do that!).
I have another goal, too: Live a little. I wonder if my most recent limitation in writing something seriously memorable and powerful comes down to lack of experience to draw upon.
In fact, I remembered one of the reasons I wanted to have children (babies? ) in the first place. Being a childless, carefree married couple is fun for a while but it gets old. There's nothing new there. And honestly, there's not much real life there. Having a child was the next step in the cycle of life and was the next logical step in becoming wise rather than just smart.
Wow, I'm rambling. And I can't believe Drake let me write this long. I guess this will be my journal for today. I'll do tomorrow's more privately.
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