I've a first thirteen from my novel in progress I'd like to share. My needs for a critique however, are not related to story. The beginning will likely be rewritten, and thus, any such critique would probably be a waste of time on your part. Though if you have the time, it wouldn't hurt either, as the generality of the critique would still be useful.
My main needs are a critique on the 'style' of my writing. I tend to have short and punchy sentences. Oftentimes, they do not follow grammatical rules (Incomplete sentences, starting with buts and ands, etc).
This is not me trying to have a particular style; rather, this is the writing that has naturally evolved from me. I enjoy it, but I realize many may not; and if I truly want a career in writing I'll need to revise it if this be the case.
I need to know if reads clearly. If it reads in a way that doesn't sound unnatural. All of those fun things.
If any of you have the time, I would greatly appreciate such a critique. I won't post it here, as I don't feel this would be correct forum. But, on the other hand, I don't want to advertise this as a standard story/hook based critique, either. Thus, if you wanted to help me with such a critique, I could just email it. (Or, if no Moderator has issues with me posting it in the first thirteen section, I could post it there)
In turn I will happily critique something of your own.
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Any advice you get on style will inevitably be that you write in the style of the critiquer. It is almost impossible to give advice on style.
Your style of writing should be clear and by that I mean understandable. You should use complete sentences where possible and use incomplete sentences sparingly and for specific effect.
Why don't you try and write the same intro in various styles, post them all and see which people think is best?
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I'd be willing to read a few pages and comment on whether or not the prose is clear and effective. Email the ms to me and I'll do a quick read through of the first scene or two. If you have a particular market in mind, let me know.
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"Any advice you get on style will inevitably be that you write in the style of the critiquer. It is almost impossible to give advice on style."
I don't think that's necessarily true, though it does take a critiquer more work to try and "think" in a different style.
Style and voice are not necessarily a constant for an author - it's possible to put on specific styles for a given work (indeed, if you write in first person, you pretty much have to unless you want all your narrators to sound the same).
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Thank you folks. I need to get rid of a few errors I know are present, and then I'll send it.
Axe, a ten page swap sounds great. Let me get my 'fixed' beginning in place and I'll send you the file. May take a day or so (Or maybe not, I seem to be on a roll today).
Of course, none of this is in-depth editing, as I never do that before a final draft. Thus, certain silly mistakes and misspellings are certain to be present. I apologize in advance.
And of course, if any of you have any short pieces (Or longer pieces, in small parts) you'd like critiqued, send them my way. I can't promise to be too much use, but I'll certainly try my best.
Edit: I should note, the style does vary from character to character (In terms of sentence structure and vocabulary). I use this, I suppose, as a technique of viewpoint. Perhaps that makes a difference, but perhaps not. Either way, it will be great to see what you all think.
Thanks a bunch in advance!
[This message has been edited by Gan (edited August 26, 2010).]
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I second Skadder's suggestion of Strunk & White. It has some great advice, and it is a slim book so it is not that intimidating.
While I don't think I can comment on "style" outside of my personal preferences, I could give you a crit that focuses on clarity and the like which are slightly less subjective. If you want to send me a few pages I will take a look and give you my thoughts.
You say you write in mostly short punchy sentences that aren't grammatically correct always. This can lead to some fatiguing reading. Though it can work as a style, Hemingway in particular was known for his short sentences.
You might want to try contrasting short sentences with long sentences to play with pacing and emphasis and see how this affects your writing.
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Thanks, Kathleen. I wasn't certain given the nature of this first thirteen; next time I will post it there, instead. My bad! I'll wait to post it there now though, as I've sent it out to a few folks already.
Bemused & Skadder: Strunk and White is one of my favorite books on writing, though in the past I've tended to stick too closely to some of the rules. I'm glad (Though certainly not surprised!) others suggest it, too.
Bemused: I will send you a short bit of the current copy. Thanks!
Edit: I forgot to mention, the story is Fantasy, but more low-fantasy. Magic will not play too huge a role. In addition, some of the creatures within the story could be described as 'Dark Fantasy' I suppose. I'm going for a more brutal and realistic view of a medieval society. Not that everything is as the middle ages would have been, but rather, I want things to be gritty and real. People have bed buckets for urine, and not everyone smells of fresh bath salts. Fighting styles, in particular, I'm trying very hard to write as realistic (Though not so overburdened with detail as to become tedious).
[This message has been edited by Gan (edited August 26, 2010).]
I might be a little late to this but if you want to send me 10-20 pages I'll be happy to take a look. You could even send from two different stories if you like, since you're asking about style. I don't have anything to exchange right now but I will soon if you're up for it.
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