posted
If you are in the middle of a story, how do you handle this situation?
quote:"I'm really not sure if it's a good idea," said Bliggins. He rubbed his thumb and forefinger on the napkin and reclined back in his chair. He gazed up at the wall, where a painting of a sunset hung illuminated by recessed lighting. The vibrant colors of red and orange made it appear that the canvas itself was on fire and he wondered how long it would be before their whole city was ablaze. "There will be plenty of chances to get out of here."
**excerpt edited per Grayson's comments **
Is it odd to have multiple sentences of prose separating two pieces of dialog by the same speaker? Would it be better to start a new paragraph?
I find this often comes up in my writing and when I am reading I keep forgetting to look for it.
[This message has been edited by Wordcaster (edited February 22, 2011).]
posted
I started out with a long-winded reply about how different authors will merge beats and description in with their dialogue when I looked back at your example and changed my mind about it all. In the case you've demonstrated (lacking any further context), I can't see how the description is related at all to the dialogue. If they were related, I'd be comfortable with them in the same paragraph. (Maybe they are: is the speaker not really interested in what he's saying?)
But if the writer is just interspersing spoken dialogue with meaningless action to pace it, then I can't see how that action really fits in the same paragraph... since the point of a paragraph, as I understand it, is generally to make (and stay on) a specific point.
posted
I too had a long winded reply--starting by saying the middle bit was too long for this structure and to get away with it it needs to be shorter, but then I thought, if it works...
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posted
It gives me the impression the Bliggins is not paying attention to what he is saying or the conversation he is in.
But, without context it is tuff to know. I would say how much is between dialogue depends on too many factors such as scene, action, and what the dialogue is about.
When I read the example you give me, I see not error with it. The real judge will be the context you are using it in, and for that you are the judge.
posted
There are two ways to deal with your example.
1) Leave it as is. The beats work well with the dialog. We can see the activity happening around the characters. It helps to establish the scene and adds an inflexion to his words that likely wouldn't be there if absent.
2) Start a new paragraph with the second sentence of dialog. This changes how it is read but only marginally. Some would prefer you did it that way but you'll likely need a speech tag so the readers won't be confused on who is saying what.
posted
I agree that the inclusion of description says something about the speaker in question (Bliggins, in this case). By including stuff between two segments of the same person's speech, you're implying that that stuff is occupying the speaker's attention.
For me, this particular stuff-inclusion worked just fine, and in general, I think it can add to a story, by telling the reader more about the character speaking. I might tweak this particular stuff to relate it more to Bliggins -- "...appear that the canvas itself was on fire, and Bliggins wondered how long it would be before, in fact, it was" would tell us that fire or something that may lead to fire, like, say, war, is threatening the city (which is why they want to make it out of the city) -- but even in the absence of that detail, I'll be assuming it's Bliggins who's thinking the colors make the canvas appear on fire.
posted
My first response when I read your example was that the paragraph looks unwieldy. Ad just for the look of it I would place the second piece of dialog in a new paragraph.
Then I read the quote again and I also read it aloud to my son. He is 15 so he liked the description of the painting which I found too cryptic. But assuming that the description is important and has a greater role to play maybe the paragraph should end with "...chair." and begin with "He gazed...."
posted
This was just an example off the top of my head, so sorry there is no context. I just thought the form seemed a bit strange being in the same paragraph, but perhaps it works in some cases providing the prose is not too long and it is relevant to the conversation at hand.
Thanks for the feedback. I hate to add extra speech tags, especially if it is the same person twice in a row.
Grayson, I liked your suggestion about tying it into the speaker more. You took complete randomness and found order - impressive! I edited the original posting because of it.
[This message has been edited by Wordcaster (edited February 22, 2011).]
posted
I actually like it as it is, it gives me the impression that the speaker is pausing to collect his thoughts before speaking.
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quote:If you are in the middle of a story, how do you handle this situation?
I've only read the edited version but it makes perfect sense to me. The length of text between quotes makes me feel that the speaker is considering his words. His lack of haste adds some tension given the images he contemplates in relation to his dialogue. Is there supposed to be something wrong with this?
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