posted
Parentheses for prose generally contain writer direct address to reader content and are, therefore, rarely used, writer self-insertions. David Foster Wallace uses those in the encyclopedic novel Infinite Jest, part of the overall self-gratification onanism jest the self-aware Postmodern narrative is really about.
Parentheses signal the most emphasis of nonessential content (dependent), least important, yet of note. Prose punctuation of parenthetical asides is most often comma bracketed, though colon and dash separation is also used for syntax unit ends according to Hoyle (the poker rules book for how the game is played, tactics and strategies, and allowable cheats, lies, and steals).
Noah Lukeman's A Dash of Style explores punctuation's aesthetic significances. A useful addition to a grammar reference selection -- parentheses artful uses covered therein.
The general composition principle that covers italics use is, if for nested emphasis, embedded content is italics, main content is Roman, and vice versa, if the main content is italics, the embedded content is Roman. Similar to quote marks, citations embedded in citations take single quote marks. "Gary said, 'I will break the bank,'" Kyle said. Tripled emphasis causes too much confusion, therefore, best practice not done. Even David Foster Wallace considered tripled emphasis a bridge too far. Who knows, though, in this age of anything goes.
"gasp" is onomatopoeia, therefore, italics optional; however, common use appends a likewise italics exclamation mark to the italics string in that case. Exclamation marks are best practice used sparingly and timely, judiciously, to signal apt and due emphasis. The counterargument is exclamation marks and italics emphases signal amateurish writing, where punctuation and format acrobatics instead substitute for imagination and prose craft shortfalls.
Yet, also, italics and exclamation mark emphases are part of an audience segment's everyday expression methods and common to what the group likes to read, fantasy genre in particular, and more often for generally feminine expression and audience appeal than masculine.
Punctuated and formatted according to current conventions below, note though, Hatrack's default display font-family: Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans serif typefaces, don't show italics format clearly distinct from Roman format. Print publication typefaces do, even journalism's go-to standard Times New Roman, that is, serif typefaces. Serif typeface Garamond has emerged to be the go-to performance genre text display typeface, due to the sorted e-reader firmwares and Amazon's preferences for the typeface, a book typeface in publication vernacular.
Example, if italics used to signal direct thought, free or tagged, parentheses that bracket embedded content are likewise italics format, or Roman for the embedded content if the main content is italics:
And similar variants that pile on emphasis to a fare the well forever, dear reader.
Again, the first principle of facilitate reader reading and comprehension ease is a foremost consideration. None of the former accomplish that end. Sudden parentheses in prose disrupt reading ease. Italics less so, judicious exclamation marks less yet, though nonetheless all causes for reader intent inference and interference that slow or stall reading comprehension ease -- or halt reading altogether.
A work online-free for contrastive comparison study that succeeds at internal discourse's challenges, contains judicious italics and other emphasis methods, some subtle, first person narrative point of view, fantastic fiction novella; a true "speculative fiction" narrative; that is, the fantastic motifs are nonessential to the dramatic incitement, movement, and arc; could be left out and the story not much different; and a Nebula best novella nominee 2008: Kelley Eskridge, Dangerous Space. Warning: Mature adult content: language, adult situations, explicit depictions.
"bla-bla-bla heavily gasping" Dictionaries list the imitative noun's spelling, "blah" or "blah-blah." The term is a nonsensical discourse marker, too, as well as onomatopoeia; discourse markers also take punctuation separation.
posted
I have never seen anything like any of your examples in published prose, not even old-style comic books. Autonomic bodily functions are rarely noticed unless by conscious decision. You can, of course, mimic breathlessness using em-dashes.
The example is instead of speaking out loud the protag is in inner thought but at the same time recovering from running hard.
Putting inner thoughts together in a stream while out of breath still seems to point toward physical breaks. I just am unsure how to write that. Reviewing E's examples.
Thus action happening during a stream of inner thought.
Looking for best examples of how to write this, and how to write it properly.
W.
And no you don't think a gasp but doesn't a gasp still break inner thought?
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posted
Physical exertion gasps, then. Part internal, part external, part nonvolitional breath action, part volitional and part nonvolitional thought, internal and external somataceptal sensation and response, unemotional, though, and little, if any, rhetorical rationale.
A common prose shortfall of word usages like sigh, gasp, and similar, is their lack of expressed and inherent dramatic effect, illogical causation, causality inversion, or the wanted dramatic effect remains in writer's head and never makes its way onto the page. Another shortfall is, if emotional, vague or no context and texture wrap that signals or implies the emotion wanted, actually, the emotional cluster intended. A cluster, fear and pity, for example, the two commonest tensional prose emotions of a cluster.
All of prose's arts want irony of some species, hence, an emotional cluster best practice is a congruent opposite of emotions, like reader fear and pity for an agonist's circumstances, so readers care, through rapport, sympathy, and empathy support an agonist's success or failure, or both, ironically.
Otherwise, no clue or cue that a gasp, or a sigh, means an exited breath for whatever emotional reason (rhetorical rationale): fear, insult, anxiety, injury, eagerness, other, etc., or physical exertion, or both emotional and physical, or neither, COPD, for example, pulmonary embolism, coronary condition. Similar, if an agonist perceives another persona's face as flushed or breath as excited gasps, clear emotional cluster context and texture wrap are wanted.
What POV you are in often decides italics, but I do understand non-italics for third-person deep POV. That's why I brought this here as part of the debate in my head between deep POV and third person with present tense thought, which allows italics to separate for the reader. So does omniscient.
I could just look up everything on my own but I like to get various opinions. Explore possibilities.
The whole point of the forum is to work on our mistakes and weaknesses. Thus, achieving a higher standard of writing.
The reasons I don't attend any other forums besides Hatrack is I grew quickly tired of people saying - If you don't do it this way you're a bad writer or Do it my way or you will never get published. Both those statements are pretty damn arrogant for this business, but you can read it out there all the time.
But all we can do is push forward. This is the inherent problem of not skipping any steps, I want to be a great writer so day by day, month by month, year by year, I continue to expand my knowledge, and I don't skip putting my writing in front of critics, especially professional editors. I may hate what they have to say but I learn a lot about my writing.
Now, most people can skip the middle and just self-publish. To me that's a very daring thing to do, you have to have a lot of confidence in your editing ability to that, or maybe they just don't care, not sure.
I often worry about when I submit short stories especially to new online publishers about how good of editors they really are. It makes me a little restless, but I haven't been too disappointed lately.
But back to the subject.
If the paragraph proceeding has outlined the protags exhaustion could you use EM dashes to symbolize breaks due to catching a breath?
Something like -
Sh*t--I'm going to have a heart attack--I hate running--just kill me now.
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walexander, the use of italics is a personal choice; I did not mean to imply otherwise. Personally, I only use italics for telepathy. POV, regardless of person can easily accommodate internal thought using just standard font.
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posted
A grammar principle about dash use advises those are used to indicate self-interruptions, dialogue interruptions, idea shifts, hesitations, to emphasize nonessential facets, to set off introductory series and concluding series and explanations, yet timely and judiciously, or a jumpy and "breathy" sensibility transpires.
Prose's general dash use principle entails apt and due emphasis. Consider if a dash use fulfills an emphasis design or instead wastes it. Overmuch or misplaced emphasis or inapt emphasis blunts -- or spoils emphasis.
A general principle of thumb for dash use is -- only as needed for the rhetorical rationale of a circumstance. An overall punctuation principle is nested punctuation wants an "open" mark and a "close" mark match. Sentence open marks, for example, are a sentence space and, usually, an initial capital case word. Terminal punctuation then is the close mark. An open dash wants a close dash, or another terminal punctuation mark.
Three dashes in one sentence confuses open and close emphasis. Other syntax and punctuation wanted to clarify emphasis and meaning, to clarify and emphasize a main idea.
The dashed example now in no way intimates, implies, or declares the agonist's breathlessness. Maybe other methods are wanted, say, self-address stream of consciousness, perhaps zero person, second person, or third person's de re metaphor (of the thing).
//Shoot--[,]gonna burst a cardio gasket--[:]hate running--[.]kill me already.//
The first dash wants a comma instead; the first word is an interjection, which takes comma separation, conventionally. Special exceptions when a pronoun used for an interjection. (That -- I didn't do it.) A colon instead for the middle dash signals stronger and apt emphasis. The last dash also wants other punctuation instead: terminal punctuation. These due to reading comprehension ease and less jumpiness.
//Shoot, gonna burst a lung gasket: hate jogging. Kill me already.//
Still breathy, perhaps overmuch jumpy, which alters reading pace, yet easy to read and comprehend, plus, now intimation of heavy breath.
Intimation, versus implication, entails a clear yet vague specificity, also known as adumbration, a near synonym for foreshadowing. Foreshadows call for due attention, adumbration calls for little, if any, attention.
posted
I understand Jack, and thank you for any advice given.
These questions really are me challenging my own writing where I know something is wrong I just can't visualize it.
I couldn't see how to break dialog in a way that dealt at the same time with exhaustion and do it grammatically correct.
And in truth, this is really about paragraph structure and chapter flow. What's needed and what's not needed. Anytime I run across this problem I know how to make it strong as possible now.
Thanks, E. Your example gives me a very clear picture of why the sentence I offered is weak.
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Writers of the Future Golden Pen award 2016, anthology volume 32, "Squalor and Sympathy" Matt Dovey, nine thousand words, high fantasy.
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