The killer blotted his face with a handkerchief, but it didn't help much. Even the pristine cotton had wilted in Tucson's smothering summer heat. In the desert, lightening burst, bloomed and withered. He watched, a grin twisting his face. He identified with the lightening; could feel it firing within him. He had also burst into awareness of what he needed to do; he struck with lightening speed, his victims unaware, until they balanced on the razor's edge, that they were dancing with death itself. And he, too, vanished back into nothingness when he was finished, gone with no trace until he was ready to strike again.

Striking time was almost upon him, and he chafed at this last, small wait, even while the anticipation tortured him with

quote:

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The killer blotted his face with a handkerchief, but it didn't help much. Even the pristine cotton had wilted in Tucson's smothering summer heat. In the desert, lightening burst, bloomed and withered. He watched, a grin twisting his face. He identified with the lightening; could feel it firing within him. [I'm digging this. Good job.]He had also burst into awareness [This reads awkwardly to me.] of what he needed to do; he struck with lightening speed, his victims unaware, until they balanced on the razor's edge, that they were dancing with death itself. And he, too, vanished back into nothingness when he was finished, gone with no trace until he was ready to strike again.[I think you presented the last half of this paragraph too early. Do you need to mix up moments?]

Striking time was almost upon him, and he chafed at this last, small wait, even while the anticipation tortured him with thoughts of the pleasure to come. Then, a small distant sound - his discomfort was forgotten; he leaned forward to listen

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Also you use the word 3 times in a very short span. I didnt mind the first 2, but the third, the lightning speed seemed redundant. I new where you were going with the speed. I might sugges, something along the lines of striking from the shadows, his victims....

The part of the grin twisting face. Read a little off to me. It could just be my preference but, I like it a little simpler, makes the lightning line stand out more. He smiled. He identified with the ....

While this 13 did work for me, it was telling versus showing in my opinion. I might suggest changing the last paragraph, showing his anticipation torturing him with the thoughts of pleasure. You have already as an author chosen to allow us in the killers head, you may as well let us see at least some glimpses of his tortured thoughts.

Also, since you have chosen to allow us in the killers head, starting a story this way, I would hope as a reader that it would continue with more scenes from the killer's POV and not just used this once to get our attention.

...but it didn't help< much>.
...could feel it firing< within him>.
... that they were dancing with death< itself>. [or Death]
<And he, too,>[Then, he] vanished <back >into nothingness when <he was finished,>[maybe something more concrete or vivid here]...

In the desert, the lightening burst, bloomed and withered.

The killer blotted his face with a handkerchief - It didn't help.

Even the pristine cotton had wilted in Tucson's smothering summer heat.

He watched.

He identified with lightening; and could feel it firing within him as a wry grin spread across his face.

What he needed to do burst within him.

He struck swiftly, his victims unaware, until it was to late and they balanced on death's razor edge.

They were dancing with death itself.

Only then he would vanish back into nothingness.

Finished and gone with no trace - Until the fire stirred within and then he would strike again.