Tear it apart if you must, but remember I'm fragile.

There are worse pains than those caused in battle. Given time the body heals and they drift away. It’s the other kind of pain, the one you feel every day, that grinds you down. The caress of a breeze reminds reminds you of when you took her on a picnic and flew a kite high in the sky. The colour of a blue topaz matching her eyes. The smell of a rose reminds you of her perfume. That raised left eyebrow which signals a change of shirt. The cold, empty bed at end of day. The loneliness when you wake and reach out for her, but she’s not there. The look in your daughter’s eyes when...
That look was there now, but not from his daughter. It came from the young woman hanging from the scaffold.

My 'pinions:

First off you have an interesting voice, the woman at the scaffold line is a great hook. You've made the narrator very sympathetic, I'm firmly in his camp by the end. There is an almost poetic Burn Notice intro about the thirteen lines. Over all I like it and would keep reading.

Now for the comments which are here to help you make your writing better. Come out from the corner, we don't bite.

Who is this You person you mention over and over? Who is he telling this story to? Is this first person?

The line flew a kite high in the sky made me think, "Where else would you fly a kite?" Maybe a different description would help me visualise what's going on better.

It seems to me that you are starting with a flashback, which is usually a warning that you might be starting in the wrong place.

I didn't get the raised eyebrow means a change of shirt at first, some clarifying there would help.

The 2nd person narrative that starts in line 3 doesnt work for me, kind of pulls me out of the story.

Also, I am assuming the narrator here is referring to his wife/lover at first. He then jumps to describing his daughter, Then jumps to the young woman hanging from the scaffold. I understand that you are trying to say the young woman is reminding him of his daughter, and in a away his past and the things he lost, but it isn't tying together well the way you present it here. I wouldn't change the visuals or what you are trying to do here, I would just suggest rewording, or restructuring, to get the message across a bit clearer.

I think I can see what you mean and tried re-wording - this was the result. It might not meet the standard you would write, but I do thinks it's a but better.

I get that the first paragraph shows the musing in 'his' mind when he sees the hanging woman. I've had strange trains of thought so I won't object to this one. The second person works to set it off from the narrative that starts later. The rapid jumping from pain to 'her', to the daughter and finally to the image before him shows a degree of shock that he might get from seeing someone hanged.

That's how I take the second paragraph where the narrative starts -- 'he' was jarred by the sight and it sent him into the thoughts. The result is deep penetration into 'his' head as the first paragraph and start of the narration show.

The second person appears to address the reader in only a general way, as in a manner of speaking when musing philosophically in a context where it is clear the speaker is talking about himself. The point of the above is that the start works for me.

I put quotes around character pronouns to point out that we don't know any names yet, nor much about the setting. In a novel, I expect questions like that to be answered in a page or so to keep my interest.

I see only a few nits -- such musings are often fragmentary and could be written in sentence fragments. There might be a cost in terms of editor reaction to fragments at the start of a story.
"The colour of a blue topaz matching her eyes." is a fragment. 'Matching' could be 'matched' to form the verb in a complete sentence.
"That raised left eyebrow which signals a change of shirt." is also a fragment. Perhaps when you clarify 'change of shirt' you might find a way to a complete sentence.

The genre appears to be horror given that this start is actually horrifying, but fantasy often starts that way.

I liked the rewrite. JeffBarton was correct about your fragments, but I think restructuring it that way might lose what you are going for.

IMO you might consider going with something like this.

____

There are worse pains than those caused in battle. Given time, the body heals and pain drifts away to be forgotten. But there’s another kind of pain, one that wont go away. It grinds you down and is easily prompted. The caress of a breeze that reminds you of when you took her on a picnic and flew a kite; The colour of a blue topaz matching her eyes; The smell of a rose reminds you of her perfume; That raised left eyebrow of hers which signals the need to change a shirt and makes you smile; The cold, empty bed at end of day and the loneliness when you wake and reach out for her, and she’s not there; The accusing look in your daughter’s eyes when...
That look was there now, but not from his daughter. It came from the young woman hanging from the scaffold.

____

Sorry I dont usually repost someone elses 13, but I felt it would be the easiest way to show how you could fix the fragments. Also on those fragments--

1."that raised eyebrow of hers" sentence seems to breakaway from the rest of the sentences. They are all describing things that remind him of her, but this is something she did. You might consider saying "A raised eyebrow reminds" etc. To make it fit the flow.

2. -- "the accusing look in your daughter's eyes when..." It feels like it's getting long winded at this point, the sentence before finishes the reminiscing nicely, but I guess you need this to lead into the next line.

I agree with shimiqua that it's a very interesting voice you have. It appealed to me immediately, and I'd love to see more.

Ditto all the remarks about the fragments. I think fragments can be fine, but I think what feels a little uneven here (for me) is the change of tense and structure across the frags. You start with a complex sentence in present tense with an embedded past tense clause, then go to present progressive in a frag, then back to a full sentence in simple past tense, then back to several frags. The imagery is wonderful, it just doesn't flow as it could. I'm not saying every reminder of emotional pain you list has to have the same structure, but over all they could work together a bit better to create a sense of rhythm.

I have trouble with this kind of structure too--there's an example of it in the 13 lines I recently posted. I ended up using a colon followed by a list of phrases, but the first one had a verb stuck in it, which still feels awkward to me. In third person with any depth of viewpoint, it seems to be common to want to use this kind of flowing, almost stream-of-consciousness structure occasionally: He felt/remembered/wondered about this, and that, then something else.... Maybe we should start a topic on how people handle whatever you call that kind of passage. I was once a linguist, but I understand a couple of obscure African language grammars better tnan English. :-)

But back on topic: I also love the contrast between that inner voice cycling through memories of loneliness & heartache and the abrupt shift to looking into the eyes of a woman hanging from a scaffold. Very nice, very compelling--wish I'd thought of it! :-)

Mechanics issues around tense and rhythm are things you can adjust--and will get better at "hearing"--as you work through drafts and chip off rough edges. The storytelling itself is quite good, and I hope by now you've stood up and moved out of that corner--shoulders back, chin up, jaw set, ready to dig back in.

Here's my main objection: I assumed he was thinking of his wife/lover, but then it shifts to his daughter, and I'm wondering, what did he do to his wife to make his daughter displeased? Or were all of his thoughts supposed to be about the daughter? I'm just not getting who he's talking about.

EDIT: I read it again and now I'm pretty sure that my first assumption is correct. Maybe what threw me is the last sentence when its not his daughter...?

Would it work to leave out the daughter altogether, at this point?
Or perhaps: when you took her on a picnic -> when you took your lover on a picnic (or whatever)