[Arlan woke to the sound of Mosel's wings. He sat up, lit a candle for warmth as much as light, and glanced at the derelict birdcage. Empty since his birds death months ago, Arlan knew something was wrong. He heard the sound again. Icy threads of recognition wound about him. His throat constricted in remembered pain as he went to the hole the second arrow left and looked through. Soldiers on horseback with torches in their hands, the same hands that had gripped his neck and his mothers only weeks ago. Leaving him mute and motherless. He bent to shake his father awake and found him already awake, staring at him. The blossoming spot of red on the sheets told him the eyes stared, but did not see.]

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Arlan woke to the sound of Mosel's wings. first of all, who or what is Mosel and how does he know it is Mosel's wings. Secondly, what are the wings doing to make a sound, flapping? Finally, was it really Mosel's wings that woke him up? The birdcage is empty He sat up, lit a candle for warmth as much as light, and glanced at the derelict birdcage. Empty since his birds death months ago, Arlan knew something was wrong. How does he know something is wrong? Instinctively, or because ghost birds are waking him up? He heard the sound again. what sound? Bird wings flapping or an arrow being shot? Icy threads of recognition wound about him. His throat constricted in remembered pain as he went to the hole the second arrow left and looked through. A whole in what? In his house? or tent? or curtains? I really have no sense of where he is. Soldiers on horseback with torches in their hands, the same hands that had gripped his neck and his mothers only weeks ago. Are they close enough for him to see the hands, or are they just in the same uniform as the ones that killed his mother? Leaving him mute and motherless. He bent to shake his father awake and found him already awake, staring at him. Where is his father? Is he in the same room? The blossoming spot of red on the sheets told him the eyes stared, but did not see. I like this sentence. Nice imagery.

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You may have an interesting story here. There definately is a lot of conflict, but you need to spend a little more time grounding the reader.

I don't have a problem with the first line regarding Mosel's wings. He is explained when you say the birdcage is empty. The only suggestion I would make is to say that he woke to what "he thought" was the sound of Mosel's wings.

And I understand why he thought something was wrong. He thought he was woken up by Mosel's wings, but then remembered that Mosel was dead and the sound must be something else. Then when you say he heard the sound again, you can explain that it is actually distincitve from the sound of Mosel's wings.

The part about the hole does have to be explained. I thought the hole was in his throat until he went to look through it. And I wasn't clear whether or not the hole was old or new.

As to the soldiers' hands, you could might want to clarify how you know they are the same hands.

The father does have to be explained because he kind of pops up out of nowhere.

All in all, I think with a few clarifications, it is an interesting beginning. I don't mind a few mysteries in the start, as long as they are quickly explained in following paragraphs.

This is my first time commenting on someone's post, so take it with a grain of salt. Just wanted to weigh in.

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I don't have a problem with the first line regarding Mosel's wings. He is explained when you say the birdcage is empty. The only suggestion I would make is to say that he woke to what "he thought" was the sound of Mosel's wings.

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This does make sense logically, but as I reader I pay close attention to what is said and not said because I assume that everything is done intentionally.

Saying "Mosel's wings" instead of "bird wings" makes me think that Mosel is important to the story, either a bird that was really loved by the Alran or that Mosel is not really dead.

Then when Mosel isn't mentioned directly in the line about the dead birds, it makes me think that Mosel is still alive because if Arlan loved Mosel more than the other birds, he should think of Mosel specifically.

So the way you have it written, I would be looking for a clarification of Mosel later in the story.

If my thinking is correct, then how you presented Mosel is just fine. You don't need to explain him in the first thirteen, but if Mosel really is just a dead bird that is never mentioned again, I will be annoyed when he is never explained. You should either take his name out and start with the Arlan waking to the sound of bird wings, or clarify that Mosel is dead when you mention the empty bird cage.

Also, I agree with Annepin. I am not sure if bird wings and an arrow would make the same sound. I think that contributed to my confusion.