Richard paws at the bedside table until he finds the little plastic cup lid that they give you to shoot the NyQuil with. To the left of that, there’s his glasses and a bottle of that cheap water you can get at his old employer, by the Zingers and the Twinkies, for fifty nine cents. His fingertips skim the table surface until he finds the actual bottle of NyQuil

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This is a "stream-of-consciousness" style novel that will be my first undertaking in any project of major length. The longest short story I've ever written has been around 5,500 words, and it's looking like this will be at least 30k when it's finished.

If it hooks you, let me know. The first two chapters deal mostly with emotion, with the problems that the characters are experiencing, and most of all, the pull of this dream and the feeling of dread it inspires in all three protagonists.

Sorry in advance that it's a little over 13 lines.... I hope KDW doesn't chastise me for it.

[This message has been edited by Violent Harvest (edited March 18, 2010).]

note from Kathleen: I don't usually chastize. I just cut.

...third person present?

Anyways, I find it kind of distracting.

I think you are going for an omniscient POV, but it still feels like you are withholding to build tension. It is not working; you are losing me.

You lose me even more in the second paragraph with the lists of things on his bedside table. I think you are trying to establish his character, but this can be done in a more interesting way.