“Then you cannot live with me anymore,” said Lili’s father.Who's POV is it? Is it Lili's?
If so, would Lili call her father 'Lili's father', or would she call him Dad, or Pa, Father, or Sir. The words fell like a gavel, irrevocable and life altering.
“But… but Dad!” Her pleading eyes couldn’t quite meet his. She flinched and turned to stare off at the distant mountains.
“You have more choices than most girls can hope for. I will not see you founder.”
He was right and she knew it. She’d come to dread going to the smithy each day despite her coveted apprenticeship. Marriage was really out of the question; her young heart was as yet far too wild. Working for Carlon was nice, but copy work for the patient scribe didn’t even pay enough for a small room at the boarding house. She felt her freedom slip away with each spent option. She needed to act quickly before she burned all of her bridges.

It feels very telly to me, and outside the actual events of the story, like a flash back. The entire scene is about a pivotal interaction between a girl and her father, yet I'm not getting anything about their relationship, or really what the beginning of the conversation was like. I'm not getting any interaction. What does Dad look like, how is he standing? Where are they? How far apart are they?

Does Lili feel like she is failing her father, is she worried about his shame, or is she rebelling on purpose. How come she has more options than anyone else? Are their other young girls right at her heals ready to snatch up her next opportunity? Where are the boy's? Maybe I'm going too far for the first thirteen.

I'm wondering if you are starting at the right place. There are a lot of opportunities to hook the reader from the subject matter, but right now, to me, it feels like a character whining. And worse, a spoiled character whining.

I suggest maybe starting at the beginning of the interaction, when they see each other outside the market stall, or when they sit down to eat at the table. Establish the mood between them, establish Lili's goal in pleasing her father's wishes, yes or no, and establish the weight of failure before you have her fail.

I'm giving you a lot to do, because the writing is really good, my only nits are on the storytelling. I trust you that you will be able to see what I mean, and make your start better.

My first thought was pov. Who's is it? As a reader I like to be grounded fairly quickly, and at the very least I prefer not to be confused. Its the 2nd line that through me pov wise.

Her pleading eyes couldn't quite meet his. -- This line makes it sound like its in the fathers pov, which doesn't match the first line which could be any ones pov, except the father.

To be honest that is really my only true nit. The rest did flow nice, and once I accepted it was her pov, I had no trouble with it. I will say it felt a little like back story. I wonder if you might not be better served to open with more of a scene, then slip some of this in after wards, a little later in the first chapter.

I dont know how far you are on the novel. But keep up the writing, dont focus too much on the first 13 as of yet, until the book is finished. The last thing you want to do is get so focused on 13 lines and not finish the book.

And also, you can post another 13 of a different section or chapter in this section as well, under another post, its a great way to get feedback on sections you are stuck.