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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Books » Death in a Dying World

   
Author Topic: Death in a Dying World
mcrain07
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The world was crumbling, metaphorically. Though if you had told anyone that it was crumbling, metaphorically; they probably would have wondered what metaphorically meant. Alliteration, allegory, allusion; all of these literary terms were dead, defunct. In fact, not a single book or essay had been written in 73 years. Yes, the world was at a literary standstill; that is, until Charles Kenan came along. I was 11 years old when I first heard him speak. I had never heard anything like it. Quite simply it was the voice of an angel that flowed from his lips. He was nothing much to look at, a grizzled old man with thinning, snow-white hair.
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MartinV
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The beginning is a bit slow but I like that "...until Charles Kenan came along."
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History
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I love the first five sentences. The masterful play of words and the introduction of the (a) conflict hooks me.

However, I stumbled over: "I was 11 years old when I first heard him speak. I had never heard anything like it. Quite simply it was the voice of an angel that flowed from his lips. He was nothing much to look at, a grizzled old man with thinning, snow-white hair."

The first sentence here changes the reader's focus from Charles to the narrator. Perhaps omit this and return to it in the next paragrah (omitting "years old" since this is understood by the sentence construction). Then combine the remainder: "He was nothing much to look at, a grizzled old man with thinning, snow-white hair; but when he spoke, the voice of an angel flowed from his lips."

Just my two shekels.
Best of luck.

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

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