posted
So the other story kind of took a backseat until I figure out what I want to do with it. I had sudden inspiration and I needed to get it out. I need to know if it will be worth continuing. I'm about a quarter of the way done with the first section.
My mother always told my brother and me that no matter what happened in life we always had a choice. No matter how big or how small that choice had the chance to make a big impact on our lives. At the moment I had two choices, I could either keep quiet and hope to high heaven I wouldn‘t be found or I could face whoever was coming from the tunnels head on before they knew what had hit them. I took a deep breath and waited, gripping my worn bow as tightly as I dared. The footsteps were getting closer, they weren’t the quiet, delicate footsteps of my mother. Oh, no, they were heavy, metallic footsteps; footsteps that never came out of the tunnels on a normal day. But then again, this hasn’t been a normal day; it hasn’t even been a normal week. For one, the cycles are messed up, not to mention
There it is. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
posted
I like the dramatic tension of the opener: guy at the decision point of a tough decision where either choice is likely to lead to a difficult, dangerous situation. That is a solid hook for me.
For me, though, this opening is a bit vague. Personally, I would rather just know up front what is happening here, rather than dancing around, hinting about it. Why is this person hiding outside a tunnel out of which a heavy, metal-booted (maybe? That's what I'm imagining from the heavy, metallic footsteps) thing is coming? If I knew that, the dramatic tension of the difficult decision would be even stronger, I think.
Posts: 1528 | Registered: Dec 2003
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
