posted
The opening of chapter 3. All comments on this welcomed, as well as comments on the completed first two chapters, which are about 7000 words.
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posted
You've named the character 'Daniel' 3 times in the first paragraph and once in the first two lines of the second paragraph; afraid we won't remember who he is?
Also, the narrative distance changes between the first paragraph and the second. I don't mind narrative distance changes, in general, but not in the same scene.
posted
Good point. Thanks for the catch with the name. I think it was subconscious. I was unsure what I wanted the name to be for weeks now, but I knew I wanted it to be Biblical, and I finally settled on Daniel. Maybe my "agonizing" over it showed up as repetition in the first draft of the beginning of this chapter.
Now that I think of it, maybe I'll make it Nathaniel. There actually was a guy I knew back in high school with that name who was going to be a priest, and since that's the same road this character's on, it might make it easier to write.
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