Recently, I spent some time in my local library, looking at the first thirteen lines of books. It's interesting, and it emphasizes that a) novels are not short stories, and b) a hook can be merely "interest", not conflict, questions, a plot introduction and so forth.BOOK: Magic Street by OSC
Chapter Titel: BAG MAN
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"The old man was walking along he side of the Pacific Coast Highway in Santa Monica, gripping a fistful of plastic grocery bags. His salt-and-pepper hair was filthy and hanging in that sagging parody of a Rastafarian hairdo that most homeless men seem to get, white or black. He wore a once-khaki jacket stained with oil and dirt and grass and faded with sunlight. His hands were covered with gardening gloves.
Dr. Byron Williams passed him in his vintage Town Car and then stopped at the light, waiting to turn left to go up the steep road form the PCH to Ocean Avenue. A motorcycle to the left of him gunned its engine. Byron looked at the cyclist, a woman dressed all in black leather, her face completely hidden inside a black plastic helmet. The blank faceplate turned toward him, regarded him for a long moment, then turned to the front again."
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If this were F&F, at one time I might have scolded him for not telling us the homeless man's name. I think I've gotten past that now--maybe. Or maybe I know its OSC, and I trust him. Anyway, I think it works because he jumps to a character and tells us something about that character quickly. He's a Doctor (of what?) and he drives a Town Car. Soon after this, we learn even more about the man.
Interestingly, the homeless man and the motorcycle rider are more important to the story than Dr. Byron Williams is.
I was also struck by the number of passive descriptions in the first paragraph. "Was" appears a lot. That, I still would have pointed out in F&F.
I've been telling myself that passive is okay, sometimes. For the right reason. Maybe. I think OSC had a reason here. I've read enough of his advice to know he knows what he's doing.
I also noticed a strange passive line later. In the midst of some action, I see, "He was pointing his gun at so-and-so." Before this, no mention of the gun being drawn or anything. This is the PoV character's first reaction to what just happened--and it's passive.
I think it was intentional. He's smaller than what is happening, and he feels it. He's pointing a firearm, but he feels passive. He's not going to shoot.
It has been said so many times, but done right--any rule can be broken with good effect.
I think overall this 1-13 would have gotten quite a few questions and comments in F&F, but that shows that those questions and comments aren't gospel. OSC had reasons to do this and he knew why he was doing them. I know I would have had a few things to say about it.
To me, thats why anything in F&F is to be considered, but not always acted on. The writer should decide on what works for his own story. Not the critters.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
I use a rule of threes. Of course, typos I correct immediately, but for the finer points, if three different readers see the same problem, I would carefully consider how i'm tripping then up.
