posted
I read a lot of fiction for enjoyment but also to pickup the rhythm, voice and pace of proven authors under the assumption that becoming a good writer one should read good writers. Yesterday I checked out a Sue Grafton novel for the first time, she of the alphabet mystery novel series. I couldn’t believe the over use of run-on sentences. For example:
An excerpt from Sue Grafton’s Q is for Quarry:
I leaned over and scooped up the sweats I’d left folded on the floor. I wriggled into pants and top. I sat up and tugged on a pair of crew socks, shoved my feet into my Sauconys, and had my key tied to the laces before I’d left my bed. It occurred to me that if I just made it my habit to sleep in my sweats and crew socks, it would be a lot more efficient. All I’d need were my running shoes and I’d be ready to go. I went into the bathroom and availed myself of the facilities, after which I brushed my teeth, splashed water on my face, and then used my wet hands to comb the sleep-generated peaks and valleys from my hair. I trotted down the spiral stairs, checked the thumblock on the front door and pulled it shut, then rounded the studio to the gate.
I usually give a book the 100 page test before giving up. This one didn’t get past page 43.
posted
Wow. If you put that down for run-on sentences, I can't imagine what you read. I see some sentences that could be broken up, but they are all NIT/style-preference choices. There's no technical run-ons. However, mybe you feel the info is being dumped, and it runs on and on and on--in that case, well, could be...I haven't read it.
The paragraph structure is not too bad: First sentence is not too long; Second is short; Third is a list-type sentence; Fourth is similar to the first; the last two are also list-type sentences. Is the next sentence short? If so, she has a rhythm for breaking up long sentences.
In essence, your learning what many of us already have discussed: A really good story compensates for lacks in prose.
posted
The writing style isn't bad. I agree with IAB about the structure, and I don't feel the sentences are run-on, myself.
What stops me is that I don't know what's going on. I don't know why the character is doing any of this. I got a sense of urgency, but I didn't know why, so I felt more impatient than anything else.
If this appeared in F&F, that would be my main nit, not the writing.
quote:What stops me is that I don't know what's going on. I don't know why the character is doing any of this. I got a sense of urgency, but I didn't know why, so I felt more impatient than anything else.
To be fair, Antinomy calls this an excerpt, this might be a paragraph in the middle of a chapter.
I have no idea as I'm allergic to Sue Grafton's books.
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