posted
1. In the Flue by John Schoffstall Ryfka Saban found the Tmarim Creek cliffs deserted.
2. Needle Child by M.T. Reiten Kass put a hand to her ear and jingled the jay bribe with her finger.
3. The Story of His Life by David W. Goldman Turner's car pulled up to the pub with fifteen minutes to spare.
4. Green Angel by Sean A. Tinsley Daylight comes, and my Angel tries to kill me.
5. The Firebird by Andrew Gudgel "Do you have it?" asked Tomasz, Baron Windebank, setting down his menu and leaning over the table.
6. My Daughter, the Martian by Sidra M.S. Vitale Miriam's hair was dyed a combination of black and shocking flamingo pink.
7. Meeting the Sculptor by Floris M. Kleijne Of all the consequences of the development of cheap and reliable time travel, the emergence of the art of Sculpting was the most controversial.
8. Into the Blank where Life is Hurled by Ken Scholes A sudden, sharp increase in the room's temperature signaled the Fallen's arrival, and William scrambled to the floor to prostrate himself.
Okay, I'm tired! I think it's pretty clear the majority start out with action. Of course, this is just one contest, one particular set of judges' tastes. Still, an interesting exercise!
(edited to add numbers for ease of reference)
[This message has been edited by annepin (edited May 21, 2008).]
posted
Well, I'd say the first four you listed sound like action starts. The fifth one is a dialogue start. The sixth one is a description start. The seventh one is a summary start. And the eighth one looks like another action start.
Next question. Which ones would make you want to keep reading?
Edited to add: just a reminder that the titles play a part in the "hook" as well.
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited May 21, 2008).]
posted
Of these first 8, #5 is the only I’d read on, based on what’s here. In the first one the problem – for me – is a name with no baggage associated with it to make it interesting and the name of some cliffs with nothing evoking any sense of anything…yet.
#2’s problem is a name (nothing evocative there), an ordinary action followed by a verb and noun both of which call up nothing as yet. #3 again a name with no other information attached to the name and he’s doing something ordinary. There is the slight question of arriving with time to spare. I think being late would have been more interesting or being just barely – 30 seconds maybe – in time.
#4 was a total turn off. It sounds like some…psychological bit of social fiction. Well, that’s how it sounds to me. #5 I’m suddenly there, in a restaurant, close to eating and with a question that kind of intrigues. #6 did nothing for me. Hair color, weird hair color? I see that every day. #7 first off, it’s in italics. That is a big turn off to me. The cheap and reliable time travel was interesting but then throwing in the emergence of sculpting – this sounds like it’s not going to be a fun romp with time travel at all. #8 this would be my #2 pick. The title is a turn off because “hurled” seems to indicate vomiting these days. But the opening sentence has some interesting aspects. The temp dropping because of X’s arrival and Y being anxious, even desperate to brown nose.
posted
If you ignore character and place names...only one (#7) seems like overt science fiction from the opening line...two (#s 4 and 8) seem like fantasy...
I can't say any of 'em appeal to to me much, though I appreciate a good dynamic opening line, and I'd pick, oh, #s 2, 4, 6, and 8 as the best. Just a coincidence that I find the even numbers the best...the odd numbers are, well, just not odd enough...
posted
Hm... well, I did post only the first line. I thought it would be enormous work for KDW and me if I posted the first 13 of _all_ of them. Perhaps I can post a first thirteen a day or something... or a couple a day.
I would probably read on for all of them, at least the first paragraph or so. The sentences are constructed in a way that force you to move on to the next sentence. In the first one we wonder why are the cliffs deserted and why is it worth noticing? In the second, what is a jay bribe (we can take a stab at what it is, and then we wonder if we're right), and why is she jingling it? In the third, fifteen minutes to spare for what (implies a meeting of some kind). In the fourth (possibly my least favorite), we wonder why the heck this thing is called an Angel if it's trying to kill him. 5) Have what? (maybe my second least favorite opening). 6. The title does a lot to draw us in for this one--it's clear we're talking about Miriam, so we get an instant visual of Miriam presumably from one of her parents' povs. 7. To be fair, this was one of those openings that quoted a fictitious text--that's what this is (that's why it's in italics). Didn't know which I should put down. Anyway, here we're forced to wonder what "Sculpting" has to do with time travel, and why it's controversial, and, combined with the title, we're expecting to meet a controversial person. Suggests tension. 8. What the heck is a Fallen, why is the temp dropping, and why is William scrambling to the floor?
I think it's in OSC's book Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy that I came across a section where he dissects some openings, including Octavia Butler's Wild Seed. He shows how each sentence almost requires you to read to the next. I think this is what you have to do.
posted
Just a quick observation. Half of them start of with name. I would guess firmly setting POV. And yes most of them, while just one sentence, leads well into the rest of th paragraph.
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posted
I think a single sentence is a bit too little sample. Even the most harried slush pile reader probably gives you a little more leeway to get up and running.
I have the 23rd volume. I'll post the openings of those maybe in another thread.
posted
I don't know about that. My daughter and I have been taking our favorite books and reading the first line of each one. I think that one sentence is enough to decide if you know you WANT to read more, but not enough to decide if you don't.
I learned something interesting from that exercise. 90% of my favorite books name the POV character in the first sentence. At least the favorite ones I looked at today.
posted
Sigh. This is so much a matter of taste. Naming the character first does nothing for me. I want an interesting idea or situation like the way a camera will often pan across the scene before narrowing the focus to a character.
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posted
Well, it doesn't have to be an either/ or thing. Why don't you post the first 13? I'm planning to post a couple later tonight.
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Based upon the one lines, I would read 1, 3, and 4. If you throw in the title I would also read 5.
1-I expect the next sentece would tell us why the cliffs being deserted is important.
3-fifteen minutes to spare. For what? should in theory lead into the next sentence.
4-An angel tries to kill him. Most interesting line to me.
5-The one line did noting for me. But I liked the title.
I agree it would be intersting to see the first 13. It would be fun to see if the ones I chose, hold true through the first 13. Or will I change my opinions.
For #1, 'finding the cliffs deserted' implies purpose--someone going to the cliffs for a reason--why? And also hints that the cliffs being deserted may be unexpected--I would definitely keep reading to find out.
#3: Again raises a question--15 minutes early for what? again I'm intrigued, even though the setting is commonplace.
#4 was okay; the strangeness of the line is what grabbed me, but I would figure out pretty quickly if the story was going to continue to grab me or not.
#5 seemed like a lot of beginnings I've seen before.
The rest held no appeal for me, because even though I found out who the characters were, the one line didn't convey enough of a sense of action or purpose or hinting at problems to come.
As a reader, I will keep reading if I get thrust into the hero's problem right at the beginning. Usually, by the time they've resolved it, I'm interested enough in the story/characters to keep reading.
That's the problem with "There was a knock at the door" kind of intro--the implied question, the reader wondering who's there, is answered as soon as the door is answered.
I have been struggling with this problem in my own WIP for the past 2.5 years...
posted
I remember reading somewhere that Donald Maass in his workshops he has an exercise, using just the first line of works to tell if he would read more. Kind of like we did here. Interesting no?
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