posted
This is just an example of what drove me crazy in this book. The character introduced here shows up in the book a total of four times. Here, he's about to join a fight that the protagonists could have lost as easily without his help. The second time he appears, he's asked a question he doesn't have the answer to--and apparently does nothing to find out. The third and fourth times he's merely mentioned as being present. The brother referred to here never enters the story.
quote:Acheron Parthenopaeus, leader of the Dark-Hunters and immortal Atlantean god under a massive crisis situation, not the least of which was his own brother trying to kill him, cursed as he hung up the phone.
From just this one sentence:
If he's immortal, how can anyone be trying to kill him?
This story takes place in New Orleans. Do I really need to know that he's an Atlantean god? (It turns out he's hiding that fact from all of the other characters, anyway.)
Since he's about to fight Daimons (not to be confused with demons, which also figure in this story), do I really care about his brother?
The Dark-Hunters haven't even been introduced yet. I have no idea what being their leader means. (That never really is made clear in this book, btw.)
How many clauses can you fit into a single sentence before it becomes a run-on?
[This message has been edited by Meredith (edited May 27, 2010).]
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