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Author Topic: 13 line competition -- Week starting 22nd March
skadder
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Member # 6757

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After some discussion I will moderate this week. Bent Tree has offered to moderate next week.

The rules (which have changes slightly) are as follows:

Rules:

• Start any place in the story you like.
• Any details not specified in the plan can be made up as long as they do not SERIOUSLY alter the story.
• Include all [i] italic and [b] bold formatting code in the text so the moderator can just cut and paste the text when he/she posts them.
• Ensure it is only 13 lines.
• Ensure is has a hook—goes without saying.
• When you have finished email it the moderator by WEDNESDAY. The moderator will then assign it number and record the authors name next to it. The moderator will then post it with the number only, not the name, in a separate thread from the story outline thread as he/she receives them. PLEASE don’t look at what other people have done until after you have sent yours to the moderator.
• Edit your work before sending it—no corrections will be made after it has been emailed and email it only once. Put your HATRACK name at the top of the 13 lines, the moderator will remove it before he posts it, replacing it with a number.
• From Thursday onward voting/analysis can begin. **No voting for yourself**.The moderator will post the list of who did which intro on Saturday.

Then a new moderator volunteers (it’s not much work)and we start again.


Story outline: CREATE YOUR OWN TITLE (Can be a hook in itself!)

Sebastian Philipo is 14 lives in the slums of Mexico City. He is 14 and cares for his sick mother. His father left 6 years ago to work in some opal mines; he has never returned. Sebastian has to earn money to pay for food and expensive medicines to relieve his mother’s condition (you decide).
He has an uncanny ability at pick-pocketing and regularly travels to the city centre to relieve the wealthier people of their purses and wallets. He is in the pick-pocketing business with a friend called Juarez who is 13. Sebastian first locates a target and trails them. He finds he often slips into a dreamy state of mind when he follows them and even for a moment feels as though he is them. As soon as that happens he snaps himself out of it and can pretty much walk up to the target and steal from them and they do nothing about it. He doesn’t really know what is happening himself—but found he could do this a few years ago by accident (you decide). People he concentrated on became drowsy/confused. He is careful not steal too much or the police will make an effort to hunt him down and kill him. He has a number of close calls with the police.
After spending the day stealing, and with money in their pockets, Sebastian and Juarez are on their way home, when they are surrounded by the neighborhood gang—all adults. The gang have noticed his success and have been following him. They aren’t sure how he does what he does, but they tell him that from now on the boys work for them and will only be allowed to keep 10% of what they steal. Sebastian knows this will there will not be enough money for his mum’s medicine and says no, despite being scared.
The gang members don’t take the public rebuttal well and advance menacingly. Experiencing a powerful mixture of fear and determination (not the usual calm state of mind he attains before a theft) Sebastian tries to make the leader go to sleep but instead accidentally kills him with his psychic gift (you decide how). The other gang members aren’t sure what has happened and become frenzied, brandishing their weapons. Sebastian is shocked at killing the man and instinctively doesn’t want to kill anymore, so he automatically tries a different tack, and finds one of gang member’s body is under his control. Using the gang member’s body he makes the man shout out and commands the gang to leave, which although puzzled, they do. When they leave the boys escape. Rumours begin that he is a Sorcerer, and they call him the ‘Fill in the blank’. The story continues to develop as Sebastian uses his powers to remove the criminals who control his local community. However he attracts the attention of a man for whom Sebastian’s powers are nothing more than a child’s first step. The man tries to recruit Sebastian to his evil organisation but in the end the two must battle it out.


[This message has been edited by skadder (edited March 22, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited March 26, 2008).]

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited March 26, 2008).]


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skadder
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Member # 6757

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Moderators:

1) Bent Tree
2) Jeff M
3) Snapper

If you want to add your name to the list just copy and paste this list and add yours...That was we have an up to date list at the bottom of the topic. ALSO, PLEASE DO THE SAME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND AND CAN'T DO IT. Also sending an email to the next in line to tell them they have been bumped up wouldn't go amiss.

When you are the moderator please include a copy of the rules above your story outline so that anyone who is new and unaware of the rules has them to hand. Just copy and paste them-it'll make life easier.

Adam

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited March 25, 2008).]


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skadder
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Member # 6757

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I have posted all the entries I have received to date. If you have sent one and it has not been posted please send it again. I will close entries and open it up for comments soon.

We would like comments regarding and opinions on the intros from those who have not participated in the competition too.

Adam

[This message has been edited by skadder (edited March 26, 2008).]


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kathyton
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Member # 7780

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Moderators:
1) Bent Tree
2) Jeff M
3) Snapper
4) Kathyton

If you want to add your name to the list just copy and paste this list and add yours...That was we have an up to date list at the bottom of the topic. ALSO, PLEASE DO THE SAME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND AND CAN'T DO IT. Also sending an email to the next in line to tell them they have been bumped up wouldn't go amiss.

When you are the moderator please include a copy of the rules above your story outline so that anyone who is new and unaware of the rules has them to hand. Just copy and paste them-it'll make life easier.

Adam


Posts: 195 | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bent Tree
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Member # 7777

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Rules:

• Start any place in the story you like.
• Any details not specified in the plan can be made up as long as they do not SERIOUSLY alter the story.
• Include all [i] italic and [b] bold formatting code in the text so the moderator can just cut and paste the text when he/she posts them.
• Ensure it is only 13 lines.
• Ensure is has a hook—goes without saying.
• When you have finished email it the moderator by WEDNESDAY. The moderator will then assign it number and record the authors name next to it. The moderator will then post it with the number only, not the name, in a separate thread from the story outline thread as he/she receives them. PLEASE don’t look at what other people have done until after you have sent yours to the moderator.
• Edit your work before sending it—no corrections will be made after it has been emailed and email it only once. Put your HATRACK name at the top of the 13 lines, the moderator will remove it before he posts it, replacing it with a number.
• From Thursday onward voting/analysis can begin. **No voting for yourself**.The moderator will post the list of who did which intro on Saturday.

Then a new moderator volunteers (it’s not much work)and we start again.


Story outline: CREATE YOUR OWN TITLE (Can be a hook in itself!)


Dogen (Pronounced DO-jun I cannot get the accent to work) Is eight turns old. They years on Trist are slightly longer than earth years, making him about 11-12. He is the fifth and youngest child of the Criste, which is the prominent women of his tribe. There are many tribes on this vibrant world which is a ten century old earth colony, clearly established as its own culture. Each tribe consist of a group of matriarchal leaders, and many children. The adolecent boys go off on their own to find their way in the world(hopefully a place in another tribe)
Few are chosen to stay in their birth tribe as Cheekatrice handlers which is a great honor.

Dogen is chosen as a handler, and is given a clutch of seventeen Cheekatrices. About the size of a bowling ball, these vulnerable baby birds require a bond with their handler. They require around the clock attention, There is a strong emotional tie. Each Cheek has a distinct personality.

These adorable little creatures grow to be voracious predators,Much larger than an adult human and are used the protect the tribes crops from swarms of large invading pests.(Make your own names if you want) The handlers command them in military like tactics and formations.

Trist is a mixed tech world- which is to say, they have the ability to harvest solar power, light fuels and machines, but no sophisticated electronics. Sod and stone are common building materials as there are no trees on Trist. Dogen's tribe has a large nursery greenhouse where plants are started in the damp but not harshely cold winters.

His colony had a limited harvest last season due to their having only one two handlers. The Senior being a son ,Jun, much older than Dogen. Jun's only has six Cheeks, but they are by far the most expirienced. Jun is a tactical genius. He leads his hunters with superior skill. Jun Despises Dogen for many reasons. His Mother is second to the Criste, and he feels as many do that She should be the leader. The costly crop falure last season seems to amplify this, but a young man, or any man for that matter has no say in the social structure. He also despises Dogen for his large clutch. Having eleven more cheeks than him, he feels intimidated, and begins to feel Dogen will bring support back to the Criste.

The second Handler,Wannu, of a lesser mother, is contempt with his seemingly undeserved honor. He is very helpful to Dogen and is always giving him advice on how to manage wis unwieldy new responsibility.

As the season starts, Dogens Cheeks are only just becomming adults, and he is inexpirienced, but he has to face the challenge becaus his friend and mentor is struck with a terrible disease and his cheeks cannot be managed without him. They turn on their replacement caregivers, and eventually starve to death, just after Wannu dies.

This leaves Dogen and his bitter adversary Jun to fend off what is the worst sworms the tribe can remember.

Have Fun!

[This message has been edited by Bent Tree (edited March 28, 2008).]


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