This is Snapper, presenting you with the latest hook challenge. If you are unfamiliar with this writing challenge allow me to explain.

The theory is most editors, due to the volume of submissions they receive, will reject the majority of the submissions based on the first page. With the title, information required, and guidelines (double spacing, size font) the first page is usually the first 13 lines of your story. This exercise is to see who can write the best opening with the same story synopsis.

Each challenge a new synopsis is presented. This weeks is written by LAJD. Other future synopsis writers are...

Crank
Skadder (already got his synopsis)

If you like to provide a future synopsis copy the list above and add your name to it in your post in this thread.

If you are not sure what '13 lines' is, it is Courier 12 pnt in a 65 character line. (Kathy will probably provide a template). If your submission is longer than 13 lines it will get cut down to size (whining will do you no good).

Now here are the rules.

1) All submissions are based on the synopsis below. You can start anywhere you like in the synopsis as long it is how you would start your version

2) All submission are to be sent to me (my email address is up there) Send your email in the subject line
13 line hook challenge
and place your submission in the body of the text. Please write your submission as such

Your hatrack name

Entry # (I'll fill it in)

Title

Your wonderful 13 lines etc, etc, etc...

3) I will start posting submission when I get a sufficient number. The competition will last about a week after I post this message.

4) Voting will begin after I close the submissions. Please do not post anything in that thread until I close the submissions and open the voting. Everyone that submits an entry is encouraged to vote for your top three and favorite title (which can be part of the hook). All that did not submit an entry but would like to vote are encouraged to do so. And no voting for your own (that's lame)

5) At the close of the voting I shall tabulate the votes. First gets 5, second 4, and third 3. Winner is declared and you get to wear a pirate hat and say ARRGGH all week.

Now for this weeks synopsis...

quote:

---

Calvin al Ibn and Amanda MacDougal were not friends, and they had been together in Star Survey ship 1899A for what seemed like a very long time. They were near the end of a routine patrol and Cal’s term of service, when a interesting target was reported nearby by another ship. The reporting team had to return to home base because of hyperdrive problems, so Cal and Mandy were obliged to extend their survey by 6 months to map the system.

Cal and Mandy have never seen eye to eye on the Colonial Mapping Program or anything else, for that matter. They had both been conscripted at 18. To Mandy, the Program was a glorious and patriotic duty: to find the critical new worlds needed for colonial expansion. To quote Mandy “The Future of Mankind depends on us!” The detour to map the new system was the culmination of her term; she was ecstatic. Cal thinks it’s a first-class boondoggle that has never delivered a habitable planet, but 2 years of service will make him eligible for a full paid ticket to law school. But faced with the alternative of no school for years or maybe ever, he did not fight the conscription. Now 2 years has turned into nearly 2 ½ and Cal is pissed.

The survey showed a planetary system that to their senses was unremarkable: 5 planets, one in a highly eccentric orbit that hugged close to the star on one side and swept far out on the other. They decided to orbit this one near-habitable planet. It seemed like a dry hole to Cal, but he didn’t really know what the various instruments were sending back to base. Mandy took an interest in deciphering the information and spent time looking at the planet through the various viewers and instruments, but she was not a tech. Even with FTL communication, it took weeks to get any comment back from the techs at home. So they spent the time arguing about the viability of the planet, politics as the newsfeed rolled in, and accusing each other of cheating at various games. As the weeks went on, Mandy spent more time on the survey and gazing at the planet below, while Cal spent more time in his cabin thinking about what he would do after the Mapping Program and trying not to strangle Mandy.

Cal was in the empty control bay when the code came in. The order read:

Home Base to Star Survey 1899A

Leave System HY119 immediately. Do not return to Base. Proceed to System GR234.

Cal entered the coordinates and started the sequence to leave orbit, cursing Home Base for sending them yet farther away from home. He called for Mandy, but got no response. Cursing, he looked but her cabin was empty. After an exhaustive search he realized that the rest of the ship was too. Mandy was gone but that was crazy, the survey ships didn’t have planetary landers only pods-little more than heavy-duty spacesuits. Mandy was gone. He’s never really liked her, but the couldn’t just leave her here. On the other hand he was told to leave, maybe for a very good reason.

---