Winner of best allit: Genevive with 23 pts! (Axe had 22 votes)
Best title: Axeminister with 3 votes.
I'd like to thank everyone for partaking in my alliteration challenge, and of course for your votes.
I'm planning one more 13 line competition for September, then a flash fiction trigger challenge for October/Halloween with a real prize! - so stay tuned.
----------------- I'd like to add I'm glad Owasm won because my use of Superman was totally cheating. I didn't think of it that way when I wrote it, but when I started getting votes because of it I realized I had used someone else's character in my story and garnered votes because of it.
But he won by 5 votes so that was a healthy margin.
Axe
p.s. I wrote on the original challenge thread that the scoring would be 5 for first, 3 for second, and 2 for third. That was incorrect and a typo on my part. The scoring is based on a system Skadder and some old school challengers worked out through much debate. Thus it is 5 4 and 3.
[This message has been edited by axeminister (edited August 17, 2010).]
They call me the conspiracy theorist. And I laugh. But honestly if you don’t spend some time speculating out here what are you going to do? Me, I walk the fence, count the posts and calculate trigonometric functions. I am convinced there is a way to get my 1200 lb bulk past those 4000 odd posts and reams of barbed wire.
By the way, I’ve come pretty far with the weight issue, thank you very much. The secret is small frequent meals, so I pretty much eat a little bit all the time when I’m not counting posts. The other trick, that I don’t think any of my sisters have clocked on to, is to just not use stomachs three and four. Sure it takes practice, perseverance, (and possibly even surgery for lesser minds), but if you don’t have a project out here you will simply go mad.
Fixed formatting
[This message has been edited by Ethereon (edited August 07, 2010).]
The Mummingtons misunderstood the mitigating mumblings of the mutations they had morphed from simple, mundane creatures. The morphling man-sized moles moaned and mewed as they mowed lawns and munched mockeries of mulberry bushes into merry topiary mimics of marionettes and miniature horses. Mimi was mortified that her mother joined her maternal grandparents in mocking the monstrosities of their making while sitting on the porch sipping mimosas in their mumus with molten orange and maroon mudlarks mambo-ing across them.
A mole-man marched madly up to her mother’s mother. “Maddening!” he yelled, modifying his menial self into a mesmerizing, molish monarch, shaking his hoe in the air.
“Uh-oh,” Mimi mourned, sensing the impending misfortune.
There once was a newt which was sort of cute but was kind of a brut that loved to hoot with a lute about a beaut whose fruit was the size of grapefruit.
But many a snoot that wished they were mute got in cahoots and found recruits to go in pursuit to end the dispute over the pollute of the newt with a hoot about the beaut with the fruit.
But in the dispute they forgot to compute that the newt with a hoot grew up in Beirut and was very acute and new how to shoot so soon were uproot these very astute by the heel of his boot.
Now the newt with a hoot sits in a suit with a lute as firm as a root telling how he boot all in cohoot who tried...
W.
[This message has been edited by walexander (edited August 07, 2010).]
Samantha Smith Stalks Sorceror Socrates Strengelle
A gust of glittering globs of golden particles showered Samantha as she slithered silently along the passage. She coughed and caught herself. Anxious and alarmed at the sparkling sprinkling, she wondered if the coating contained a security spell Sorceror Socrates Strengelle set-up to stall would be intruders.
She shed her hat and raincoat, leaving behind a pile of potential peril on the floor. Continuing along the corridor, she stopped when blobs of brightness broke through rents in a curtain covering a cove in Strengelle's workshop.
Peering pensively through the holes, Samantha saw the sorceror was not about. She gently drew the drape and slipped silently into the room and then heard a rustle in the passage and gurgled a gasp. Her coat began to wrap its now sinister sleeves about her.
[This message has been edited by Owasm (edited August 07, 2010).]
Lilting lightly upon a lute, Lyra longs for love. Lyra lies with her eyes, lies with her smile, lies with the song she lullabies. With ancient creaking limbs besides, she feasts on flies, and finds, for fate decries, a fellow in a felt fedora fighting for his life.
With sword in hand and patient step, he comes.
Putting down the lute, she cries in seasick mellow lullabies, and creeps with both arms held in front, with shuffled steps and guttural grunts.
The fellow, like a fly is caught, and struggles as Lyra limbers near. The fellow shakes in fitful fear, and screams a shriek, a hum, a hiss, as Lyra leans and gives a kiss. His breath, his boast, his rising breast, betrays this harbinger of hope, and
[This message has been edited by shimiqua (edited August 09, 2010).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited August 09, 2010).]
“We Fey have fallen far from our place as Fortune’s favored!” The tips of Trenton’s tattered ears twitched, divulging the desperation that split his sorrowful soul at the sight of the shambles of his species, all had assembled to listen to their leaders lesson. Striving to sustain the vigor in his voice and remain resolute he fought to finish the final phrases of his swan song. “The world isn’t what it once was. Mortal men have made Fate an antiquated fact in the face of their fabrications, their maniacal machines.” The time of truth. “We too must work in the new way! By power of will and strength of spirit the future will be forged on the fighting fields!” The faerie folk let fly a resolute roar in response. They would wage war. Trenton hung his haggard head in shame at what he had wrought.
William Worthington wandered west while wicked winter wind whipped at him. William wondered why Whistler wanted him wasted. "We were warned," his friend White whined. Well, we went anyway, didn't we? After his ship sank in the sea, seven shipmates started the sojourn, but six succumbed to sickness. Angry and alone, he trudged through the tundra tirelessly. Revenge reinforced his resolve as he gained ground on the goal. Now, battered and breathing baited breaths, Bill beat back bolts of ice and hail to become better, believing he belonged to something bigger. At last he reached the ledge. Looking longingly into the crystal fortress, he lamented. White was right. The steel man had moved.
Entry #1 First of all, I loved the title. While I was disappointed by the overall lack of alliteration in the first 13, I think it served well as a hook. What starts of sounding like a more standard prison break story takes a nice swerve to the absurd with the hints of 1200 lbs and 4 stomachs. The great escape with Cows! I like the idea.
Entry #2 Mmmmm, what deliciously consistent alliteration you have. A fun romp overall, though I don’t know how hooked I was despite the mention of impending misfortune.
Entry #3 It is very Dr. Sues (I mean that as a compliment), but sadly not alliterative in title or 13 so not in line with the prompt. I also think this entry shows that alliteration works better in prose than rhyme does. That being said, this was a very impressive demonstration of rhyming and telling a story at the same time. I think that rhyming is more limiting than alliteration.
Entry #4 Great alliterative title and 13, I didn’t feel like the alliteration got in the way of the story at all and it lead to my favorite phrase out of everyone’s “now sinister sleeves.” Good hook, clear immediate conflict with the coat and larger conflict with Socrates with a nice hint of mystery, why is Samantha breaking in? I like it.
Entry #5 It felt like a folk tale with a mix of heroic and nursery rhyme poetic style that works very well with the content of the first 13 since it reads like a song…a Siren’s Song *nudge nudge, wink wink* Sometimes a lot of rhyme and alliteration can be difficult to read, but I think this finds a nice balance and was enjoyable to read. The alliteration and rhyme make an old myth feel new.
Entry # 6: Mine
Entry # 7 The William/Bill name shift was a nice trick to keep the alliteration and give the sense that the reader is getting to know the MC better. Well done in terms of setting up a fairly elaborate back-story so quickly and the mystery of Whsitler and how William crossed him/ why they were warned. Correct me if I am wrong, but does this finish of as a superman reference (Crystal Fortress/Fortress of Solitude, Steel Man/Man of Steel?) or am I just revealling my own geekyness?
It was a tough call for me voting wise It was a close competition.
Entry 2: The Magical Mutations of Mimi Mummington's Meddling Mother Wow, alliteration of a single sound the whole way through! All of those m-sounds were a bit overwhelming on the first read. I didn’t get the story until I read it a second time, but once I did I enjoyed it. The absurd/whimsical content matches the playfulness of the alliteration saturation nicely. I liked the description of the mumus especially.
Entry 3: BRUT NEWT SHOOT ASTUTE SNOOT REPUTE CUTE BEAUT! You have a repeated rhyme… but I didn't really understand the story.
Entry 4: Samantha Smith Stalks Sorceror Socrates Strengelle This read very well even with all the alliteration. I enjoyed it both for the story and the playful turns of phrase. My favourites were “sparkling sprinklings” and the awesome “pile of potential peril”. I also liked that Strengelle is attempting to magically strangle Samantha.
Entry 5: Siren Song A poem, cool. The alliteration seems quite natural in the form you’ve chosen. I like the imagery of the siren as a spider and the men as flies. I don’t know much about poetry, but the meter of this poem seems engaging to me. I can imagine it being read out loud.
Entry 6: The Final Fight of Fortune's Favored A good job of working tons of alliteration into a story that makes sense and feels like it’s going somewhere.
Entry 7: Why the West Was Wrong Lots of alliteration and still made sense. I was a bit confused about White. He was one of the shipmates who died? Catchy title acted as a hook for me.
Best hook/13: 1st: Entry 4: Samantha Smith Stalks Sorceror Socrates Strengelle 2nd: Entry 5: Siren Song 3rd: Entry 2: The Magical Mutations of Mimi Mummington's Meddling Mother
Alliteration only: 1st: Entry 2: The Magical Mutations of Mimi Mummington's Meddling Mother 2nd: Entry 7: Why the West Was Wrong 3rd: Entry 6: The Final Fight of Fortune's Favored
Title: Entry 7: Why the West Was Wrong
[This message has been edited by Ethereon (edited August 13, 2010).]
posted
Entry #1 A cute idea, but not alliterative. The first 13 was enjoyable.
Entry #2 Best alliteration. Great Title. As a first 13, to me the setting was a bit muddled and sacrificed flow for alliteration.
Entry #3 Best rhyming. Wait. It's alliteration, isn't it? I did enjoy the rhythm of the thing and savoring the rhyming in my mind.
Entry #4 Mine
Entry #5 I like this a lot. The alliteration was good, however it actually got in the way of making this a really good opening.
Entry #6 Like Shimiqua's above, the alliteration got in the way of a smoothly flowing opening. I thought that I would like to read more of this story, so the hook part was good.
Entry #7 The alliteration again got in the way of a very serviceable first thirteen. However the alliteration was good. I actually enjoyed the end reference to the man of steel and thought it a clever bit.
Judging:
Alliteration 1. #2 Genevive. I admit the title helped 2. #5 Shimiqua. A bit of restraint, but done well. 3. #3 Axeminister. Like Shimiqua's, the alliteration still let the writing get through.
Best First 13 1. #7 Axeminister. That man of steel reference did it for me. 2. #6 Bemused. This one left me wanting to read more. 3. #5 Shimiqua. The setting unfolded as the opening proceeded, just like a fragrant flower.
Title #7 Axeminster How the West was Wrong. This was a tough one since there were a number of titillating titles trying to top one another.
posted
Voting. Entry #1- POV of a cow. Hmmm. I love the last line, and the voice of the story. But there's not much alliteration other than the title, but since you are the brave one who posted first, I totally forgive that for sheer spunk.
Entry #2- Crazy. Brilliant. Crazy Brilliant. The story did get lost behind the alliteration, but that was kind of the challenge wasn't it?
Entry #3- Impressive in a completely different kind of way. it seems like you had fun writing this. Clear story as well.
Entry #4 -I love how you switched the letter you were alliterating on. Good hook too.
Entry #6- My favorite. The alliteration almost felt natural by the end of the piece, it felt like the Faerie Folk think in alliteration, and not that the narrator thought he was clever. Which seemed more clever in the end. Good work.
Entry #7 - The last line is brilliant. I wasn't sold on the story, and then the last sentence hooked me into finding out more. Nice.
Alliteration - Alliteration may also include the use of different consonants with similar properties (labials, dentals, etc.)
rhyming is a part of alliteration - famous alliteration
poe - Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary also - Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing. and many more
And seuss was well know for his alliteration. Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. (ee) and (ew)
my title - Brut newt shoot astute snoot repute cute beaut.
I used (ut) which is the primary and (oo)(ew) which is secondary for my alliteration.
but I gladly except my raspberry award, thank you, thank you.
and are happy to vote.
Best title - Most did a great job but I barely have to give it to: Gen - The Magical Mutations of Mimi Mummington's Meddling Mother.
Best hook: 1) Owasm 2) Axe 3) bemused
genevive42 you would have won 1st if your second line would have been your first.
shimiqua same - you had a very strong second line that I enjoyed but the first weakened the hook.
Everyone's was very close and by only the smallest things did one thing get bumped over the other.
Best Alliteration: Note: I based my judgment on this category, On depth of Alliteration as to how it relates to the writers story - not just based on how many words could be fit with the same first letters.
1) Bemused 2) shimiqua 3) axe - just barely above gen.
Ethereon - I like the story, but not much alliteration.
genevive42 - great imaginings, great alliteration, but you crowded the story with to much. but I love this line and it should have been your first - The Mummingtons misunderstood the mitigating mumblings of the mutations they had morphed from simple, mundane creatures.
Owasm - it was by a thin hair you got best hook from axe, you would have scored higher on overall but some of the story seemed jumbled. you almost took my vote for title also.
shimiqua - you were an odd choice for second overall, but there was a certain flow that broke a little here or there but kept me reading, without feeling the story was about alliteration, but was about story telling - so that's how you got second. If it was tightened up in places it's one of the few I felt could go outside the challenge.
bemused - I gave you number 1 overall do to some strong alliteration lines like - forged on the fighting fields & fact in the face of their fabrications - you had two other extremely strong lines but not grammatically correct, but most of all these lines felt correct for the story - so in combination you came out on top for how an alliteration related to an actual story. I based my decision on how good is the alliteration but also how good is the story. Does it just feel like it was written for challenge or does it actually feel like a story.
Axe.- You and gen of course get my top marks in straight Alliteration - what knocked you down from taking full vote for me was how it related to the story. You and gen both had great alliteration but the stories felt kind of fake so only grabbed my attention because they had a lot of alliteration in them. I hope that makes sense, and sometimes the sentences felt crowded, but you two defiantly know your stuff.
Everyone did a great job. Cheers.
W.
[This message has been edited by walexander (edited August 17, 2010).]
posted
Congratulations, you crazy kooky conspiciously creative corny kids! Crimey! Couldn't quit cramming creative quagmire crap on this canvas of conundrums for my congratulatory crediting. Could that make me a copy cat?
[This message has been edited by snapper (edited August 17, 2010).]
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