"Guaranteed to stop most BB gun pellets!" "Just the right shade of red to hide blood stains, just in case." "Available in Infant and Toddler sizes."
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
One size fits all.
Do not use in wind faster than 70 mph.
Withstands impacts up to 110 mph.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Does not substitute for parachute in case of imminent impact with ground.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Made with genuine Kevin(TM) -- it's like Kevlar, at least in the first syllable.
The jacket of choice for bank robbers the world over, 60 years running!
Lifetime warranty, void if damaged.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Not for use in political debates.
Our motto: "The Jacket you'll leave to your next of kin"
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can stop up to two bullets at once!
Do not put in dryer.
Withstood the test of a potato gun!
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
"Will repel bullets, as long as you don't sweat in it or expose it to heat."
Oh, wait, those are warnings that probably *will* be appearing on flak jackets. My mistake!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Not available in Iraq.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Easily the best investment you made.
Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
"Weighs only 5 lbs. when armor plating is removed."
"Now available in pink, orange, and 'scratch-and-sniff'"
"I can't believe its not butter!"
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by Orson Scott Card: Not available in Iraq.
Don't know whether to laugh or cry at that one.
Posted by Roseauthor (Member # 148) on :
Warning: May cause dangerous levels of confidence.
No animals were harmed during testing.
Tested on over 5,258 soldiers.
Passed quality assurance by: inspector #2.
Use only around competetent adult.
Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
Well, to use a lesson learned by a local officer,
Do Not Test While Wearing
Posted by Roseauthor (Member # 148) on :
Novelty Item only.
As seen on Janet Jackson during half time at the superbowl. (removable breast cover not included)
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
No, real bullets have ever been fired at this jacket.
Will stop nerf darts.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Now in toddler sizes
(specially marketed to households in which gun owners don't know enough to lock up their weapons)
Posted by Locke2525 (Member # 7554) on :
prolonged exposure might cause several terminal diseases.
Great nutcracker if you find your husband in bed with another