So my wife is moving out today and she expects me to do the majority of the heavy lifting. I really want her gone but I don't know if I really have an obligation to helping her. She seems to think it's my responsibility and I guess that kind of ticks me off. She didn't ask if I would help she told me that I had to help. I guess I probably will end up doing it but I was just curious who else would? Or would you tell her to shove off?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
You don't have to, but if you do (1) she leaves faster, and (2) you get the moral high ground. I say do it.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
She renting a truck, or using your vehicle? If it's not your vehicle, so you don't have a vested interest in getting her stuff out of it, I'd help her load it up and then say "see ya" and let her deal with it on the other end. But that is because I am a nasty, nasty person. Also wouldn't work if you need to make multiple trips. Pity.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I would say that the labor it takes to get her stuff out is worth it. Think of how much better you will feel when its gone.
I would agree that you have no obligation, but why not do it anyway? I would think moving the stuff out would be rather therapeutic, but I don't really know your situation.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
She's using my SUV so I kin dof want to get it back. PLus I am interested in seeing the place since my kids will be spending some time there. Here's the best past, she has even asked if I would help her boyfriend move the big stuff. I said no, so she said that her boyfriend and his best friend would come and get it. Again I've told her there is no way he's coming in my house. She doesn't seem to understand the problem.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Depends on how fast you want her to leave, I guess.
I woul help if I could. Regardless of how she's been treating you, there's no need to be guilty of anything petty. Maybe it will help the parting be a little less sour.
Edit: Yeah, I don't know if I'd want to be anywhere near the boyfriend either. If he were coming to help, I'd be absent.
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
At least be present when she leaves. Some things could turn up "missing" in this move. Wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on her.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Yeah, definitely be there to prevent the loss of your property.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I know it's expensive, but have you thought about hiring movers to load and unload the stuff? It would keep the boyfriend out of your place, and probably make the whole thing a lot less stressful for you.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
My personal choice would to be to grab a few friends and have a "Moving Her Stuff To The Yard" party that morning. Heavy stuff, valuable stuff, whatever.
Then sit back and crack open a beer as they load everything up. It makes sure your stuff stays put and keeps the new beau and his buddy out of your house.
Heck, I'd help her load up the boxes and stuff, then say you need the car back by 6 pm or somesuch.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Not only did I help my ex move out but I also packed and helped unpack at the new place. I wanted out of the relationship so bad I would do anything to help. Call me a glutton for punishment but I no longer have this person in my life, so it worked for me. Part of this was also to control having my ex steal my stuff. I was too generous as it was.
I think having the boyfriend come help is certainly asking too much of you and I agree that you shouldn't let him in the house. I rather like Sopwith's idea. If you live in central Texas, I would be happy to come help. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
If you aren't going to let her movers in the house, then I think you have to take responsibility for getting her stuff out the door.
edit: Not that I blame you one bit for not wanting the boyfriend in the house.
Posted by Samarkand (Member # 8379) on :
I like the movers idea. Either hiring professionals or getting some buddies to move it all out of the house; then she can get whoever she wants to move it in. Set a time for her to bring the car back, and if it's a long drive, request that she fill it up. I feel very, very strongly that you should take the high moral or "holier than thou" approach to it all. Channel sainthood.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Well, I decided to take the day off tomorrow. She and I are going to do most of the work while the kids are at school. We figure that will only leave us a couple of big items to deal with. We'll have an SUV and a ford ranger to do the moving with. I think this is the best because I definately want to be around when she's hauling stuff out. We're pretty settled on what goes and what styas but she's gone down that spiteful road before and I don't want to give her the chance.
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