Simple: I'll post an answer. You reply with a question which fits the answer, plus another answer for someone else to reply to.
A: I'm telling you, he had a cucumber.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Are you sure that was a guy?
No, I said apple! What did you think I said?
EDIT: SORRY!
[This message has been edited by Human (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Okay, who ordered the crap ball?
A: Okay, once, when I was young. But that's it.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Q: Have you ever worn a dress?
A: I was young, free and drunk so i couldn't help myself. It only happened once, i swear!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Have you ever, even once, been right about anything?
No, but thanks for the offer.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
would you like a million dollars?
yes.
*edit for spelling of dollars*
[This message has been edited by MEC (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Q: Would you like to hurt celia60 too?
( Lol Celia60, good one)
A: It was Bob, not me!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
who asked me if i wanted to hurt celia60?
because of the ALIENS!!!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you wearing chain mesh underwear?
A: Because I can.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why are YOU wearing chain mesh underwear?
i don't know.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why does someone make chain mesh underwear?
Why not?
[This message has been edited by Human (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Will you defend me from Doug and MEC?
I hadn't thought of that.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why am i so damn sexy?
A: Well, this is a complicated answer that should be dealt with in three parts:
1) Society. Society has a stigmata against this kind of behavior, except in some social groups. These small social groups don't always have things in common but what they do have in common is the common disdain for the more common society.
2) Personal Life. While condoned in public, it is practiced quite a bit in private. Polls and research has shown that this is true, people mostly enjoy this type of behavior in their homes but not in public.
3) Public Life. While encouraged in private life, it is rarely accepted in public life. Most people enjoy doing/seeing this in there own private homes but don't enjoy doing/seeing it in public. But as always there is an exception, there are some small social groups that do enjoy this in public and are constantly recruiting new members through public demonstrations and interviews.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's the big deal with picking your nose anyway?
I do not recall at this time.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Have you ever thought doug was sexy?
And ruin my shoes!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Care to help stomp these grapes?
You had to be there.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Why is there a picture of you in a dress?
I didn't really have a choice.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
ph33r my l33t skillz!
I let the dogs out.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why did Doug wear the chain mesh underwear?
I plead the fifth.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
When was the last time you watched Barney?
Muahahahaha!!!!!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Which do you plead for:
Women #1: Good looking gamer Women #2: Nice looking Goth Women #3: Sweet Housewife Women #4: Good Career woman Women #5: Ugly woman who will treat you like crap?
I perfer a river.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Can you handle a small trickle of blood?
I lost track of time.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What are you doing wearing a 17th century scullery maid outfit in the middle of the mall?
I once read one of Thor's posts and thought, "Hey, that makes sense!"
Twelve gajillobongos, and five on weekends.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
How many kittens do you kill every week?
That's how I found it.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
What is that grenade doing without a pin in it?
Because God wills it.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why?
Because it was easier to just kill him.
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
Why didn't Bill Clinton get impeached?
Quarter-pounder with cheese.
[This message has been edited by bruinlawyer2002 (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
If I have a halfpound hamburger with cheese and split it with you, what do we each get?
Stupid mosquito just sat there on my finger.
Posted by Darling (Member # 2970) on :
Why is there so much blood on my machete?
It's a woman thing.
[This message has been edited by Darling (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why would anyone buy chain mesh underwear?
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
How does it feel to not know how to get to the invisible thread?
That's the real question.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
How the heck can you make an invisible thread?
Stop teasing me.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
You want to know how to get in?
The answers are all around you.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where do I look?
God, I feel idiotic.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
So you're saying that you wore chain-mesh underwear under your dress, while asking how to get to the invisible thread?
I most definatly did not!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Did you make it?
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Can you mess this thread up by not posting an answer at the end of your post?
It was Human!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Who didn't include an answer?
Help!
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Q:Who wants to kick Human off this thread?
A: 006919
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What's a good starting place?
You'll get there.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
If the Universe is constantly expanding, am I? And if I'm not, will I ever get to my refrigerator?
I don't know, but these cheesy poofs are sure good!
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
(I was gonna post a reply in binary asking what the representation is in hexidecimal, but I know why you posted that, since its the true question.)
How are the chips?
As much he would, if he could.
Posted by luthe (Member # 1601) on :
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?
Extream Sport.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Ok CBS crew, how can we cleverly spell 'extreme' and relate it to some trash that we can get kids to watch?
*Edit, forgot answer* if so, then kittens will definatly die.
[This message has been edited by Pseudonym (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Will the content of this thread sadden Papa Moooose?
Fat cat keeps getting fatter.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What rhymes with "bat rat freaks set in batter"?
Have you stopped beating your wife?
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
When Jason Kid wins the NBA championship, what will Marv Albert ask him instead of "do you want to go to Disneyland?"
42
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything?
The midget shortage.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
How do I find you if I want to kill you?
It's my will.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Why does everyone have to wear chainmail underwear?
They ship refined uranium in trucks.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited April 20, 2002).]
Posted by Dude Love (Member # 2437) on :
What does TSRUIT stand for?
The LA County fire department.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Who are those drag queens and why are they wearing those ugly boots?
Because time slows down as you approach the speed of light.
Posted by Glass (Member # 3325) on :
Why is it that everytime I'm on a ship going near the speed of light it takes me thirty minutes to pee out the window?
Because, I love her, that's why.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Why do you take that kind of abuse?
stop whining.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
do i really have to hurt celia60?
yes, i do love you.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Do these pants make me look fat?
It comes from a bottle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where does he get those funny questions?
I think it's on a blue diskette.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where's my sanity?
Stay away from me!
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Will you marry me?
I'm not sure, let me check my shoes.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where's my brain?
Noooo! Don't, I beg you!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shall we clone you into a wenchling for a second time?
Birdseed, a little sea salt, and the juice of two limes.
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
What is "Hatrack" anyway?
Oh no, I'm all for THAT!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Q: I thought you said you didn't want to have wild monkey sex with that week old cat fish?
A: My dog could do a better job.
maxdout
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
How do you think you did on the test?
With cream.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
q. How do you take your whiskey?
a. I've never seen that before!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what do you think of max mounting a fish and having monkey sex with it?
what, you want to go out with me?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Honey, that Bobby seems kind of sleazy. Don't you think you should date somebody else?
If you felt thay way, you never should hhave sent me those pictures.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why do i HATE it when people see me naked?
why?
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
You just shot that man! Don't you feel bad?
A: If I knew that, I wouldn't be in here.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
How do you get to the invisible thread?
South.
Posted by Wade (Member # 3327) on :
Where's this thread going??
Now I eat them.
Posted by woodger (Member # 3301) on :
Growing up I used the "Pick and Roll" technique.
I don't know, I was just bored, I guess.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why did you get an "I break for badgers" tatoo across your chest?
Because they ran out of condiments.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
Why don't you go to Cal (for school)?
The devil made me do it!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why on earth would you bring a coati mundi to your first day of work?
It's a cable modem thing.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Why do you hate me?
A: Owl Pellets
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
What do you have in your mouth?
A useless hunk of junk.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's in your head?
HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT QUESTION!!!!!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Johnny, what is 3 x 6?
A: First you filter the water, then you add the dirt.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
How do you make Martha Stewart's mud?
BLEAH!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Would you care for a strawberry daquiri?
I understand.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Okay, like, I need some, um, advice, because, like, my boyfriend, he keeps talking to this other, like, girl, or something, and shes totally not as pretty as me but maybe he thinks so but she really isnt but anyways should I say something because I dont want to be, like, possessive freak girl but maybe he wants me to say something I dont know so can you tell me what I should do and stuff?
Yes, as a matter of fact I did that last night.
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
Have you ever been abducted by little blue men?
A: The circle is not round.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Could you check my geometry homework?
Well, I think it'd be better on pizza.
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
What's the deal with chain mail underwear?
They're funny if you read them in tandem.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Have you seen Nadine's posts?
You just rinse, spit, repeat.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you learn to speak Middle Eastern languages?
Four tissues, a paper clip, and M-Z of my Rolodex.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Bob, what exactly were you using when your boss caught you in that 'compromising position'?
Splunge!
edit: forgot the ding-dang answer
[This message has been edited by Ralphie (edited April 23, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is science's answer to grunge?
Faith, Hope and a 357 Magnum.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
How can I make friends on Hatrack?
No, because my friend named Bob tried it once and it didn't work.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Have you ever had sex with the undead?
Cabbage.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the worst gift you ever got for Christmas?
Seat 24F.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Kssshhshsh...Flight 5347? Where is your captain??
Last Thursday at 11:00 pm.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Since when are you God?
I had a change of heart.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
What was the punchline to that transplant joke?
I think I just spontaneously combusted.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Hey! Who brought the purple fireworks?
The Day of Pain.
(edit - forgot answer )
[This message has been edited by Rruk (edited April 23, 2002).]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
When are you getting married?
I have three of them.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Is it just me, or is that a implant surgery gone horribly, horribly wrong?
It's fruit and cake, you know.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
How would you describe your cousin in two words?
Have some.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
q:Jee, is that mesh underwear your eating?
a:Yeah, I know, Ralphie told me about that.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Have you heard about the one eyed, one armed, one legged man?
I NEED TACOS!!!!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
What did that darn chihuahua say?
e.e. cummings
(forgot the answer AGAIN!)
[This message has been edited by Rruk (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Has anyone ever had the middle name "Estlin?"
A tread-depth of at least 1/16".
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
if you could talk to god what would you say to him?
DON'T YOU KNOW THE DUEY DECIMAL SYSTEM?!!!! (for all uhf fans.)
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
Hey, um, librarian- yeah, you- can you help me find these war books that I can't find? (okay, that was a pretty bad question)
You're a jacka**.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If I told you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
I was told it was the Good Housekeeping seal of approval.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Why did you use your old car oil to shampoo the carpet?
God, i hate peas, i really, really hate peas.
Maxdout
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
How did you like the new episode of Veggie Tales?
The new i-mac.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
(you beat me to it!)
Has anyone seen my new lamp?
That's my dog, you dork!
[This message has been edited by Nadine (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
With which object would you compare my manliness?
And then the boss walked in.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
So you were on the last level, and then...?
Food TV
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Where did you get the idea to cook dogs?
There was a hair in it!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why was the donor's heart rejected?
Well, statistically speaking, yes.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Darling, did you take out the trash?
I'm really not interested, but thank you for your time. Have a nice day, and good luck!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
would you mind stopping stalking me?
YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME, WITH THE DOG!!!!!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Any idea how this anti-freeze got in Fido's water dish?
If I were a bug-eyed, two-toed sloth maybe.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Will you marry my conjoined twin and I?
I have a sickness in my pants.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
did you know i sleep with my car?
hahahahaha, that's funny.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Did you see Jar Jar get hit by that laser cannon?
A: They bury them in the sand.
[Still laughing about Martha Stewart Mud! ]
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you name a beverage and an organization for women?
It is level, but not straight.
Posted by Perelandra (Member # 3632) on :
How did the vasectomy go?
Ouch! That needle is long!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Hmm... Why am I drawing up air instead of blood?
It got all meldewy out there.
Posted by Hobbit Squad (Member # 3365) on :
Why is Elton John rolling around on the floor?
The sunflowers have ceased the need for my mission.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You wanna know how to make a signal fire?
Can't... go on... not...enough...dialoge...
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Arnold, why did you cancel the sequel to "Hercules in New York"?
Oh my gosh! I've never seen one that did THAT!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Um, doctor, shouldn't a lot of this stuff be on the inside?
Orinoco Flow by Enya.
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
And where di you get the idea to do that?!
Brad Pitt is hott. ~~Eryn~~
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are we having to turn down the temperature in here again???
When condiments go bad.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
How do you know when Sauron has taken over middle-earth
But i don't like spam!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Would you like baked beans with your spam?
Chicago.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the name of BOTH the worst city and the worst band on the planet?
Here's my card.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Dear Abby, I have a teenaged daughter, and-
I don't see what all the fuss is about, really.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Why are you trying to shove my arm down your throat?
Awww...but I'm all out of severed mail men parts.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited April 25, 2002).]
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Bad Locke, no biscuit.
Maxdout
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who will be the first to berate Locke for his transgression of the law of the thread?
Why, of course, it is "The Ultimate"!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What kind of Cheeseburger would you like?
If I told you, I'd have to kill you!
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
What are memes?
They don't seve French dressing in French restaurants.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Wot you say!? Dey ton't seve French dressin' he'e?!?
Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to spank you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your favorite position?
It's all about sex, ultimately.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why should i get married?
One thing leads to another....
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
how did you get your head up your ass?
no, anything but THAT!!!!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Can i ask you a question about your sexuality?
And she, was like, totally wearing my favorite pink nail polish on, like, her toes.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
You killed her because she was wearing your favorite sweater?
who hasn't?
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
have you ever wanted me soooo much you went into acoma?
what, you think i am sexy?
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Ahhhh! You're shirt is on fire! Take it off!
The only way to travel.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you a member of the "mile high" club?
I got this award plaque and a $40 gift certificate.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did they give your for proving the existence of God?
And so I told the guy, That ain't my tuna fish!
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited April 26, 2002).]
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
How did you escape from the killer dolphins?
Look, it is either you or me, and frankly, I would prefer it to be you.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
So, who's going to launder the chain mail underwear?
A zebra on the fortieth floor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's better than a horse on the roof?
I can do it, but it'll take 3 NAND gates, a zener diode, and one mother of a power supply.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
The goat ate it.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Has anyone seen my diaphram?
Texas. It all comes back to Texas.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
And where did you say those gigantic cockroaches came from?
Cody Judy.
[This message has been edited by Rruk (edited April 27, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If Cathy Lee Gifford's son has a sex change, what will he call him/herself?
Elbow grease.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What does a person with an unnatural attraction to work use as a lubricant?
Of course! To make room for the tuna!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why do some coaches prohibit Onanism?
That feels good!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Why did you let him give you a wedgie when you knew you were wearing chain mail underwear?
I got a papercut on my tongue!
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
Wait a minute, how did you know my wife was wearing paper underwear?
That's American dollars my friend, American dollars!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We're from Canada, eh, and we were just wondering how come your cars are so cheap here, eh?
Spiral bound on card stock, laminated cover.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's your brain look like?
TUNA-FREE DOLPHIN MEAT!!!!!!!YUMMIEEEE!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
GIR, what did you replace your jet fuel with and why? (Invader Zim trivia)
My underpants!?!?
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
I just had a major hangover and threw up, what should I do? My parents will be home soon!
Yes, I DO understand you. *cough*
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
Doctor (impatiently): Would you please turn your head and cough so I can examine the next guy?
Girls, women, and small furry little animals.
[This message has been edited by bruinlawyer2002 (edited April 29, 2002).]
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Who's been using my hairbrush?
Too much flouride.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why don't you have any teeth?
huh?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
?
And your little dog too!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Would it be ok if my two brothers, sister, mom, dad, aunt, and little dog spend a week at your parents' cabin?
If your not going to eat it, feed it to my monkey.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's this stuff labeled rat poison?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: How do you answer a question if it's moot?
A: It's because of my drinking problem.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is your liver flopping out of your torso?
Statistics 101, man!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What do your parents think you're taking in college, dude?
Shove an elephant through a donut.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited April 30, 2002).]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: What do you have to do to kill this thread?
A: 3 rejections
Posted by RevNewStar (Member # 3406) on :
What do you call your mom and 2 sisters not showing up in Alabama?
A. So few time; such little people.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
The Smurfs are hatching a commie plot! We have to kill them!
Infernal banannas.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What's your pet chimp trying to sign?
Leap Frog!!!
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Well if those dogs weren't fornicating, then what in heaven's name were they doing??
Untie this with your tongue, please.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Now what do I have to do to pass this test?
I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG NOW!!!
(I know max knows where this is from)
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
GIR will you get off my head, and settle down?
Master of Bation, his home company.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Where's this "In the beginning" stuff?
A: Joxer the Mighty
Posted by Perelandra (Member # 3632) on :
Who was that kid who did laundry at school?
Ow! I'm wearing two left shoes!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What does your wife calls you right then?
No, no, you rub the gravel on the window.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
For Per:
Why are you walking so funny?
About 5 minutes.
For afr: Do you travel with a minnow?
15 times.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 01, 2002).]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
15 kids, huh?
You've got the wrong number.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
2,399,628?
Cows mostly. Sometimes static electricity.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hello? Is this the Pope?
Stop it, Fred! You're giving me electrically-induced seizures!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What happens when I hook up this car battery to your nipples with these clamps?
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Oh, George, is this your mother in law?
Octopi! Lots of 'em!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Can you give an example and then say how many latin words you know?
The spork.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: What do you use to cure constipation?
A: I told you horses shouldn't travel in first class.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
flight attendant, can you please tell the hairy long nosed passenger in front of me to stop pooping in my food?
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
What is your favorite song?
The clowns are attacking! Get em' away!!!!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Why did my girlfriend get moved to coach class?
It's cause he's got flat feet.
(edit: sorry, damn lag screwed up the rotation)
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited May 01, 2002).]
Posted by RevNewStar (Member # 3406) on :
Why doesn't he have a leg to stand on?
A. It's simulated artificial soy meat.
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
This crap taste like simulated artificial soy meat, what the heck is this?
Thank you, come again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you just a recording?
He kept screaming that he needed a phone booth.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What's wrong with the guy in the tights and underwear outside his clothes?
Red and Black with a fringe.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What does your chain mail underwear look like?
I can't, I stubbed my big toe.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you kick a man when he's down?
Two adults and a child, please.
Posted by RevNewStar (Member # 3406) on :
Welcome to Cannibal Joe's; may I take your order pleas?
A. I'm not listening; I;m not listening!
[This message has been edited by RevNewStar (edited May 02, 2002).]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
would you listen to this?!: you just won a million dollars!
(sarcasticaly)wow.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Did you know that my old roomate can Burp the entire alphabet in one burp?
One crate of lobsters, three mice, and four chicken wings.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What are they serving in the cafeteria today?
I just wish it wasn't quite so GREEN!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: And why does this stool sample concern you?
A: Don't poke him there
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Annoyed by the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Grease the pan
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What are you doing with my elbow?
The chicken, you fool!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Who just crossed the road?
Red, green, blue, mauve, eggplant, and magenta.
Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
What colors did his face turn before he died?
Ni!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Yes, a cow does go "mooo" and a horsey goes "neigh". Now, what does a knight go?
Cool Whip.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What was so important that you HAD to see in that "adult" store??
Becasue he was wearing fuzzy, bunny slippers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you know that was your father?
Everybody has one, silly.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I can't find my pulse!
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
For once in your life will you sit there and be quiet?
The ingredients are pottasium fluoride, sodium peroxide, hydrochloric sulfate, and a little luck.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
you're learning how to make lead into gold?
Because he said, "Cantonese is to Chinese as ibanics is to english".
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Why does your face have that blank look?
Space for rent
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
What 3 words best describe your brain?
No. Thats actually oatmeal.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
hey mom, does this look like bird poop too you?
if i tell you, i'll have to kill you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you account for your whereabouts at 7:13 am on Friday May 3, 2002?
I think it was a pumpkin seed.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
And what was that in his beard, anyway?
I know what I must do...but...I'm afraid to do it.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
If you don't rub it that thing will be sticking up under your pants all day.
Chicks dig UNIX.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was the biggest selling t-shirt at nerdfest 1986?
It's a whole new paradigm.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's that?
SHEEP GO TO HEAVEN, GOATS GO TO HELL!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the lamest school fight song you've ever heard?
My minds a complete blank.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What happens when you cross a horney toad with a miniature poodle?
He can't, he's constipated.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Why isn't that politician spouting his usual crap?
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy; I were but little happy if I could say how much.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
..so why not cross the bridge?
I'm a good faker
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Meg Ryan, how did you get the role of Sally in "When Harry met Sally"?
The lid keeps slipping off
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Harold! How many times have I told you to stay in your cage?
I need a sheepskin...two barrels of gunpowder...and a guide who speaks Swahili.
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
Dear McGyver~ How would you go about freeing yourself from a 20 ton lead box on the bottom of a fast moving river?
The chipmunk rebellion.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And to whom should I make out this check for $500,000?
I did not inhale.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, tell me again how you died of asphyxiation alone in your bedroom?
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Why did that guy attatch weather balloons to his lawn chair?
It was agent 90854. He blew the cheese dog, if you take my meaning.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
How the hell can you just sit there doing the crossword? It's the end of the world, man!
All you need is love.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How am I going to get used to my chain mesh underwear?
I'm not sure. I'll have to check with my manager.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You're not seeing anyone else, are you?
He's an 'alibut.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Your main character seems a little one-dimensional. Know what I mean?
14 years in Purgatory.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
What do you think God will give to the Catholic pedofiles?
Seventeen times a day
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
In an alternate universe, a broken watch will tell the right time ....
If it is between the robot or the cyborg, heck, I'd pick neither.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Who's your daddy?
I am house-lady, brush your teeth!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
*points to neighbor* She doesn't speak very good English.
sixty, dude! all at once!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
how many worms did you eat again?
ewwwwww!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
See, you hollow out a pretzel, then stick a gummy bear inside. Then you eat 'em. Whaddya think?
The sign said Peligroso, so I came in for some water.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What makes you think you can just waltz in a place like this, dressed like that and start dinking form our fish tank?
Well thats what the professor said.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Peggy Sue, are you absolutely sure this spiky contraption is a hair curler?
Don't blame me; blame the brick.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And what did the note say that was wrapped around the brick that came crashing through your window at 4 in the morning?
That's right, two short, dark, curly hairs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And, besides the glove, the only evidence they had linking OJ to the murders was hair fibers?
Pelicans, or a nice meringue pie.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the one thing you'dd like to see before you die?
yes, i admit it, i'm an arachnigamist.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, you enjoy playing board games with spiders?
World domination and a decent cup of coffee for $0.25.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Ok, Starbuck's. We'll give you want you want if you give us what we want.
it's on channel 12 right now.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does Martha Stewart say one should wear to the public lynching of Enron executives?
Nothing.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What does Martha Stewart say one should wear to the public lynching of Enron executives?
I have no recollections of that. I take the Fifth on that. I do not recall.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you or did you not put the seat down on the evening of May the 4th, 2002?
Can I answer your question with a question?
[I liked TomD's suggestion]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 07, 2002).]
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What is the typical response you'll get from a lawyer?
Only your hair dresser knows for sure.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
i don't have a hairdresser, where can i find one?
!@#$%^&*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the past participle of "!@#$%^" ?
Helmets. A lot more helmets.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
ok, the first question for the emergency planning comittee is....what do we need in the case that the sky is falling?
15 big rocks, 12 little rocks, and a book written by OSC.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What crawled up your ass and died?
I plead the Fifth Commandment.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What crawled up your ass and died?
haha
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give me an example of "repetition as a source of emphasis?"
Cortizone, anti-itch cream, and a pair of very small tweezers.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so, how did you the elephant's foot out of your ass?
zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba!!!
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is something that Ted Kennedy knows by heart?
Jail bait or jail mate?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Nice Chinese tattoo. What's it mean?
Heathens, every last one of them!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What do the students at Berkeley Preparatory High School remind you of?
. . . AND THEN IT DID AN IRISH JIG. I WILL NEVER PUT MY TOES IN JELLO AGAIN.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so what happened after you smoked 20 pounds of marujanna all at once?
i don't know, why don't you ask frank?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why should I be frank or earnest?
A heaping helping of hospitality!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Fill in the blank...
Amino Acids.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And then she showed you her what?
Nevermore!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Quoth? Oh, please, are we going to go through this again?
Angle brackets.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If we tilt [ and ] by 30 degrees, you know what we get?
What troubles lurk in the hearts of men.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Penny for your thoughts?
Not today, maybe tomorrow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Does maana mean "today" or "tomorrow?"
Lingering doubts.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is government useful for anyway?
A large cog.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are you making with all these little cogs?
Pelted with grapes, more like.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Bob should get barraged with rotten tomatoes for that last one.
I have a permit for that.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What's that thing under the tarp in the back of your truck?
YOU! OBEY THE FIST!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
ok?
they're grrreeeaat!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you like most about air ducts?
It's a pun on the word grate.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did you say that you think I'm great?
Beowulf.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
who's going to hell?
shut up.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Oh, my god and then like betty slapped billy right in the middle of the resturant. I couldn't breath. So lets talk about me some more . . . blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?
Dig up Rovers bones and bring me the fresh skull of a virgin. This time a real virgin not just one of those technical whores.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you help me retrieve my lost data?
Helium and a rastafarian wig should do it.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Did you notice the cloaking device I put on my car?
A: buttery garlic
[edit: desperately coming up with new question to correct for misreading the old answer]
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited May 09, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best repellent against super-models turned vampire?
300th post.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
A. Do you know what losers like me, who have nothing better to do all day besides hit the refresh button, like to brag about?
Q. Oh no, not again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Should we do yet another chainmail underware joke?
Key lime pie and mardis gras beads.
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
So what exactly do I need to have a kick-butt itme at Mardi Gras??
Terry Bradshaw riding a lemon pie with a monkey on top
~~Eryn~~
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's your favorite thing at Burger King?
Ducks. All Rubber.
Posted by Kepper (Member # 3354) on :
What does Ernie from Sesame Street have a weird fetish with?
Monkeybone.
Kepper Harry Potter: leading children to devil worship, one at a time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the correct pronunciation for lingerie?
Insert Tab A into Slot B.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
So what's your sex life like?
Awwwwww. I wanted to explode!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Quick!! How do I difuse this bomb?
With a side of mashed potatos.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the least structurally sound way to build a building?
Windows open, top down, and 15 mph over the speed limit.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is the slogan for covette?
Back away slowly and don't make any sudden movemets.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Whats the safest way to avoid spooking baseball fans at Shea stadium?
helico-tricyclic-stuff we made up from leftovers.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What's for dinner?
Can't you tell he stopped taking his meds?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is Bob's voice getting lower and his chin getting stubble?
Birds of paradise.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What do pigeons who die become?
Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited May 09, 2002).]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Doctor, my husband keeps ringing; he still thinks he's a phone! What should I do?
Gainful employment.
[This message has been edited by TomDavidson (edited May 09, 2002).]
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What is it called when people use roundabout means to get ahead in the world?
Chicken Pot Pie.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Do you know the one food I hate beyond all reason?
A Chupacabra! But how?- There's not a goat to feed on for miles!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Oh my God! It's la Chpacabra!
My General Paper teacher is damn stupid.
Posted by GeoffreyCard (Member # 3460) on :
Don't you think that insult is weak?
Ay caramba! Mi amor es muy loco!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's very crazy, mr spanish speaking person?
Le roi est PAYDAY!!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Which candy bar is king of them all?
I would, but my pen has run out of ink.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Oh, please, Mr. President, would you autograph my chest?
That's not really a birdhouse, trust me.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Is that really a birdhouse?
FREE THE SPERM.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: He shouted what at the end?
A: Is it discrete or discreet?
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
I would'nt know, as it does not fit in MY anus.
"Doctor! There's a tumor in my ass!"
[This message has been edited by Fossil (edited May 10, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So what seems to be the problem today?
Why should I?!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you accept this gift of eternal life on behalf of all humanity?
Honey, it's the police.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Get off my lawn!
Eternal food at your descretion!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ernal is a murderous son of a #@$#$, but he left his food tray unattended.
Sillyputty on a stick
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
I know you are, but what am I?!
Check the yellow pages.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How did you mark your spot in the phone book?
That's disgusting!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is that? Corn?
Windows 3.1.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What is a pain in my ass?
"Arrrrgh! The little blighters are back!"
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Henry, would you mind throwing out the empty beer cans? The grandkids are on the way over.
Wax on.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Do you remember the line right after
quote:Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen Prettiest girl I've ever seen See her shake on the movie screen, Jimmy Dean James Dean
I said a Popsicle!
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What did you put in Irami's 'definition of cool' thread?
Bob Denver
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
When you said you and your "little buddy" were going to be home alone all night, who exactly did you mean?
Why are you doing this to me?
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Which would you rather part with- your previously arrested celebrity fingerprint collection, or your Sally Struthers memorabilia?
The lesser-known "Erin of Locksley".
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What was Robin Hood's broghter's name, again?
That was interesting, tasty and disturbing all at the same time.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So what did you think of the albatross soup?
At least 15 mintues a day is recommended.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
This isn't another Onanism thread, is it?
Paper clips and a 12-inch frying pan.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Moose, what makes you think of onanism so much?
Haley Joel Osmont.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Moose, what doesn't make you think about onanism so much?
[LOL at Moose's contribution]
YATTA!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Do you have any celebrity pictures pasted all over your walls?
The bigger the better.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?
Only if I can get it in snakeskin.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Adam, won't you at least try on a fig leaf?
I don't think modern science is prepared for that revelation.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you know that wearing chain-mesh underwear reduces the risk of heart-disease?
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What was the funniest line from Stakeout?
Does that require any special training?
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you want to get into a pair of chain-mesh underwear? (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
Otters. Sexy little otters.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 11, 2002).]
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Moose, what makes you think of onanism so much?
Pubescent electroluminiscence.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What do you Jock Otters want?
That always happens when Pikachu and Batman meet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where are these yellow blotches coming from?
It was on special.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How would you describe your first prostate exam?
It's spelled MI-SSI-SSI-PPI.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is the acronym for that Military Intelligence Secret Security Insertion Sentient Sentry International Pre-Production Installation?
I have finger cramps.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Now why is your hand stuck down there?
Doom-dee doom-dee doom doom, doom doom doom, da doom!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How does that song go? You know, the one about Armageddon?
Turn of the century handpainted glassware.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did you have for breakfast, Cookie Monster?
Little Known Fact #289452: Mooses invented onanism.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Searching for creation of onanism...Found!
"yogurt in my pants" is not acceptable!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
[Moses to God:] What do you think of my idea for an 11th commandment?
Cheesus.
Posted by bicentennialman (Member # 2699) on :
If bacteria have a god, what is his name?
Lush. Just lush.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What adjective describes a great carpet, but a lousy mate?
Handlebar mustaches.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What are those little things you're putting on these pictures?
Yes... I shall bring my parents. And they shall be the best, Most parental parents EVER!
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What did young Jesus promise to bring for show-and-tell?
[insert mental image of a Far Side comic]
Shire? Baggins? Baskin Robins?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where can you find hobbit forming ice-cream treats?
You'll need another USB port.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
What do you think of my new Internet-ready love doll?
It's another one of those fuzzy pens.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what would you give me if i tell you what turns jehovoid on?
because 7 turned canibal and began eating all the other numbers starting with 9!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, why is she called "Seven of Nine"?
No, those are Borg implants too.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Does this go on my ass?
"We're spinning into Oblivion, my friends!"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this a dance craze or an excercise fad?
New tires, balancing, stems,... that'll come to $600.12
Posted by Momoku (Member # 3455) on :
and the total is how much?
Cellular text messaging
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
how do deaf and dumb people use cell phones?
*dies*
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
[ENGLISH 101 Final]
In a John Webster play, everyone ______
Give me liberty or give me beeer!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How does a genteel woman from the Ozarks drink her moonshine?
chewing tobacco.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Hey, Bubba, when it's time to git on up to Heaven, how'd you like to go?
That's one big sparrow, Maude.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So Harve, what do you think of Big Bird the Movie? (since me and Word did a simo-post, I'll answer his.)
How was the bargain cruise this year?
Trancendental Lubrication
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I like the idea of throwing a twinkie through the door, but what on earth are we going to grease her hips with?
Because he's homesick.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Doctor! Why is my cat vomiting up pies?!
I understand you sawed off the back of your computer.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Do you know how to install a new motherboard, properly?
Your pants ripped into 259 million pieces!?
[This message has been edited by Chess (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Why Chess look at Hulk like that?
The secretaries here have way too much power.
[This message has been edited by Ralphie (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
She made you do the "While You Were Out" dance, too?
Don't talk to me about batteries.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
TomD, everytime I see your wife at the store, she's buying batteries....what's up with that?
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times......
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is Tom Xerox's favorite cliche?
Underdeveloped countries.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where's the hardest place in the world to sell bras?
Homo Sapiens.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What we all blame for our problems.
Turkey in the hay.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What did you say?
The BIG one...
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Did you see that?!
Curley fry mysteries
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What do you get when you mix the 3 stooges, fast food and Sherlock homes?
The deep blue sea.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Well...I see the devil is in front of us. What's that behind us?
A slide trombone.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's the best way to whack a band member?
Dorks.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
...and that makes you what?
Quickly! RIDE THE PIG!
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
How are we going to get out of this mud hole?
Three trees and a walrus
[This message has been edited by Fael (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What has huge tusks, snorts a lot and then leaves?
Funny, it worked yesterday.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is another name for copulation with a policeman?
A: Meat Puppets
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What does Papa Moose hate most?
<Insert Pun here>
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Can you quote Bob Scopatz?
Deroggatory language.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
what did some immature hatrackers resort to
The last fandango
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What have you been up to Robey?
Springtime for Hitler.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
The ballet Robey was writing but flopped on opening night because heckling hatrackers were in the audience.
jeeze luoise she's got a potato
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Is that-- Is she-- Is she holding what I think she's holding?!?!?
I swear, from this day, to the end of this day, that total and utter vengance SHALL BE MINE!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Who ate the last M&M?
Nice! The pulsating lights don't even bother me!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Hey, I just redecorated my room, what do you think??
Yeah, she said she couldn't do with out about 430,522,216 of them. Crazy!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Did she say how many Legos she'd need to build the Great Wall of China?
Spaghettios and PopTarts.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why do you think my girlfriend just dumped me?
It starts with an 'S' and ends with a 'h'.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's Hobbes' name spelled backwards?
Run for your lives! The lemurs have come for their revenge!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What did robey think the last time he ate a balogny sandwhich
Isnt it a good time for barrflesnatches.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Okay! What kind of snatches do you want now?
They're not gonna make it!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
did you here that everyone on hatrack are going to goto the store all at the same time?
*burb* (i use asterix's to symbolize actions, ie. right now i am burbing)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give me one good reason why you haven't reached your full potential?
A pony tail and an inkwell. That's all I ask.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What can I give you to shut you up?
S Club 7
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!WHO'S SINGING THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC?!
Nintendo's secret hush-hush plan.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Who owns Sony?
No comment.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Did she eat the fish?
I saw your underwear.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what was the most memorable part of the trip for you?
Warren G. Harding on a $3 bill.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so, what did the cashier give you in change again?
no, stupid, it's a rock.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Is this a stone?
It was a Dinosaur!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who can tell me what cracked the foundation of Creationism and threw Biblical literalism into the trash-heap of modern ideology?
A Marxist kangaroo, more than likely.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
A WHAT kicked you in the arse?
Solidarity, baby!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What was the main reason for the success of the Austin Powers movies?
Because my feet are cold and the banana bread is in the oven!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Another reason why Lurkers wont post.
1/2" foil foam board
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What do you headbutt for fun and profit?
Spy planes
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what are those flying above the house in circles?
ch-ch-ch-ch-chia!!!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Do you know of a good pet?
That is why Fossil is illiterate.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That dinosaur has been dead longer than language.
Dinodystopia
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited May 14, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the one thing T-Rex feared more than Dinodyspepsia?
You've got mail.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Why do keep hearing this voice?
Date Canceled, didn't she.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Hey, dude, wanna go shoot some pool and try to pick up chicks tonight?
Only for a few moments during twilight.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
WHY ARE WOMEN SUCH EVIL DEMON SPAWN?!
...brings May showers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the net effect of precipitation following the Vernal Equinox?
Shoot me now.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Do you think they'll cast Haley Joel for the part of Ender in the new movie?!
Smile, even though it hurts.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
It's a little splinter - do you want me to pry it out with a needle and some alcohol?
I like the clicky-click pencils better.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What a million dollars?
Bob, bob bob. Bob bob da man!
[This message has been edited by Doug J (edited May 14, 2002).]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
ASIDE: Whoa! My post was for Bob, and yet it applied to Lusti's post! ::smacks cheeks with hands in shock::
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Dear would you go to the store and pick up some feminine napkins?
Hard, cold and deadly
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Am I high?
*Cries and licks lolipop*
(My post also applied to someone else and works for Fael's)
[This message has been edited by Chess (edited May 14, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Aside *me too yall are posting too fast for me!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Slow Ddddddooooowwwwwnnnnn!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We go real fast going up then real
(to fael's comment if not the last line)
The shin bone connected to the ankle bone
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
How did I break two bones?
I do like that.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Anyone up for a rousing game of Russian roulette?
And they're off!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
$300 for a prom dress, they dance for an hour and
Disco Duck
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What was the nickname of Howard the Duck during the 70's?
No I'm not!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, aren't you that guy? YOu know...!!!!
You can't get there from here.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Is there any way to salvation for hatrackers?
It's 6 and 2/3 feet long, white, and can throw a potato 4 city blocks away.
Posted by silentbob106 (Member # 3477) on :
Q :Have you ever built a trebuchet out of Bleached toothpicks and if so What Could it Do?
A: O yea thats when i tripped and fell on that white stuff on the lenoleum i can't believe i remembered that after i awoke from the coma!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What happened after you dropped your Preparation H?
Nhaa! Bad dog!
Posted by silentbob106 (Member # 3477) on :
Q: So what did you say after you stepped in the dog Sh*t that was on ur living room floor?
A: Thats when it popped out again in front of everyone and i was like O MY GOD!
Posted by Momoku (Member # 3455) on :
Why is that crowd running from you?
Larry the duck's arch-nemesis
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Who's that guy with the duck feathers coming out of his mouth?
The towel was wrapped entirely too tightly around his head and he was listening to Lenny Kravitz.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why Prince's last album flopped.
Did You guys see the size of that chicken
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What was it that just crushed the Sears Tower?
It's a bird...it's a plane...it's a...
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What the heck is that in HUMAN's hair
A hairy experience
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What is touching me like?
Oh crap...I've got a bad feeling about this.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Do you know what will happen if I put the green powder in the red liquid?
But it's yellow!!!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Don't you want to eat your snowcone?
Mighty Mouse to the rescue!!
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
Who let the dogs out to terrorize all the little children?
green as the goblin's gross get-up
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the newest color of ketchup?
kill one of them and hang it's head on a post as a warning to the others.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
How can we keep these pests out of our garden?
The screw was loose and the milk curdled
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
frankinstien, what's this white gloopy stuff inside you?
BURN BABY BURN!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Ooga chaka?
Let every eye negotiate for itself,/And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch/Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Do you think I'm pretty?
And all for the low, low price of $49.95!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You have a beautiful soul. How much do you want for it?
Reach in your pockets, slowly, and pull out whatever is in there.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
..so world domination, warm socks and breakfast cereal are included?
Noone's keeping score.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Bob's Q: You wouldn't believe how much I love you. Wanna see?
vaultgirl's Q: I know that I am the most loved, well-respected and popular hatracker. Are you jealous?
A: Not even if you paid me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you type in "Not even if you paid me"?
...get it???
A giant slurpee and six straws.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What does it take to make a Zimmkonian Sextu-Orisian Behemoth happy?
A wandering minstrel.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the most important thing to have at an oragie(sp?)?
it's raining mountain lions and wolves.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
It's raining lions and wolves?
...And you still shook his hand?!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you know I met the Devil yesterday?
With a tire iron.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
How do you get the wrinkles out of a tire?
Silence, you insolent fool!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Hey, are you gonna eat that?
Whacha! Another nice day!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What does Whacha mean in the new Klingon/English Dictionary?
My own private disintigration ray.
Posted by IMHO (Member # 3348) on :
How are you going to take care of that pesky stray dog that keeps digging up your garden? ***
A: Lemon-scented freshness.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's that god-awful smell?!
Chimp monks
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who prays to the monkey god?
Greased lightning.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
What will we call these 1,000 holy monkeys at 1,000 styluses copying holy script for 1,000 years?
Paint my muscle care PRUNE colored, please!
edit: Mine is better than yours, Dan, so I'm keeping it.
[This message has been edited by Ralphie (edited May 15, 2002).]
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Well, it comes in designer colors. Which one do you want?
*returns from the bathroom* My buisness... is done!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
*Smiling, takes Sadaam Hussien and a length of garden hose into the bathroom. After a loud struggle, strange gurgling noices, and a high pitched scream and a flush....
Supercalifragilisticexpialodcous
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What is it that you can say that everyone will notice?
Do you?
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Do you ever eat these green eggs and ham?
A cold beer at traffic time
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your favorite way to tempt Fate?
Futurists agree!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What? You mean that the galaxy is about to fall into 3000 years of chaos, but it will only be 1000 years of chaos if we make a foundation on the edge now?
Still, I am becoming impatient with my incredibly subtle infiltration of this planet's defenses, and am growing ever hungrier to be the destruction of the humans. Destruction is nice!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why wont The POlemarch be elected again?
Two Dozen eggs please
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sir, I keep telling you, this is a fertility clinic! What do you want from me?
Mail order.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
How did you meet your wife?
Umm, that's not mine....
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's this knife covered in blood in your house for?
Mission: very easy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'd just like to know how all this is going to end. I mean, what's the final outcome?
15 stitches and a nasty bruise.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so where do you think my plans to jump in a volcano in order to go to a different dimension will take us?
why?
Posted by silentbob106 (Member # 3477) on :
Q: So then i jumped into that pool of algae and green fuzz. (you ca't answer a question with a question)
A: Ok so thats why it looked all purple like that!
What do you normally put on your Light Cesar Salad?
Anytime you're in the mood.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
when do women tend to run away from me?
The cat and a little cockroach
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What are two things you don't want to give a girl on a first date?
Yoda rawks!
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
What is the title of Wierd Al's newest song?
That stupid article won't print or paste onto Word for me to print!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why are you shoveing that newspaper into your computer screen?
leave me alone.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Does it bother you when I do this?
Help is just a phone call away.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's the most common response to dorkiness?
Don't touch that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does this big red button do?
15 seconds of fame.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what did you get for climbing mount everest in 15 seconds?
birds, clouds, space, planets, the ceiling, stars, gases(mostly nitrogen), light fixtures, the second floor, and a whole lotta other stuff.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What are a few of the ingredients needed to make a universe?
Brave and Crazy
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what are 2 qualities that you don't have and never will, but still hope you had them?
DEATH TO THE PALE FACED DEAMONS WHO HAVE HAUNTED OUR LANDS!!!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What do you call someone who starts a thread asking about the making of Ender's Game into a film?
I told you, cheese!
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
C'mon, it's your last meal. Really! You can have anything you want. What'll it be?
We're not entirely sure, but the bloody letter opener sticking out of his neck is probably a clue.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Is he really dead?
Ask a silly question, get a silly answer...
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why is everyone standing around in their underwear laughing?
Everything was fine until they asked if I had a criminal record.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
How was your sleep-over sweety?
Bite me, dough-boy!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did Mrs Pilsbury say when her husband complained about dinner?
It's where you want to be.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is Endercon?
Igloos and Indians.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there anything unique about North America?
Shimmering gossamer wings.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What do really bad pilots get as a gag?
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What sound does a dead bunny make?
La la lala laaaa lal laaa la lalalala lalla!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What music didn't make it into the MIB II sound track?
Wow, I didn't see that coming!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Slash is gay.
It's a fish made of balsam, silly.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
is that a fish made of granite?
they're coming to take me away, haha. they're coming to take me away, hoho. to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time....
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
What is a song that describes your life?
You are an idiot! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What thought enters your head during bouts of introspection?
A globe printed on a bouncy rubber ball.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the most worthless thing you've ever spent a million dollars on?
red, no wait, blue.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What alert are we operating under soldier? (thanks for the idea Bob)
The day after tomorrow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If tomorrow never comes, when will I get mine?
Short and to the point.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How do you like your pencils?
A one eyed, one horned, flying, purple people eater.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Has anyone seen my fluffy?
Stop or my mormon will shoot.
[This message has been edited by Yebor1 (edited May 21, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was that movie with Sylvester Stallone as an angel?
I'm thinking it must be the matter inverter.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's the matter with you?
Bond, James Bond.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What should I use to glue these two Jimmies together?
A bagel with a schmear, please.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
For the last time what do want that does not taste or resemble flesh eating rabbits of any kind!?!?
Prepare your bladder for eminent release!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'd just like to set your mind at ease by letting you know that the co-pilot and I are both armed, should there be any disturbance we are prepared to...Ooops!"
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
What's one response guaranteed to make me curiuos?
Playing hangman.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
After the freak accident at the ball factory what were the only things the workers could say?
I am plagued by family and bit by fleas, that is all there is to say.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What was your role in "My Life as a Dog"?
One Adam Twelve! One Adam Twelve!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And then she said those three little words that made me know she was the one. Know what I mean?
A Home Depot charge card.
Posted by Momoku (Member # 3455) on :
My kingdom for...
Whoaaaaa...that's good squishee!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do you say when you want to kill a thread?
Remove tin foil. Place in microwave.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What was your recipe for baked Alaska?
It's all downhill from here.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
what do you say when someone kills a thread
All I want is the stupid hat, and world domination, but right now just the hat.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I don't get it, Dr. X! Why are you doing this?
I think it's just a rock.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What kind of menacing creature is that?!
Don't look at me--blame Houdini!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Is this rabbit for dinner?
Take a bow, and try not to stab yourself.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What were the last words of the Taliban Minister of Propaganda.
Horseradish or horseclelery.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the perfect accompaniment to horse chestnuts?
Ambling and meandering...
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What two actions normally ascribed to humans can streams and bodies of water perform?
I've activated the crazy card. The white coats will be here any minute.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Entering crazy card...
HE LIES!! THE PITIFUL EARTH-BOY LIIIIIIIESSSS!!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So what did your teacher say when you told her the dog ate your homework?
Plucky Germans.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What would not be an apt description of Nazi's?
I said Methuselah.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Metamucil?
Advanced Placement Tests.
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Can you say one thing to convince me that hell exists?
Lighting a match.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's the best way to enjoy a Saturday night?
Oh, I'm a naughty boy! Naughty naughty naughty!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Damn it, Son!! Are you masturbating?
Crown me, my Queen!!!!!!
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Want to guess what you screamed last night?
Jello and goodbye!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Does this stuff have alcohol in it?
I don't love thee.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do I love thee?
The porcelain god.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Where do a lot of these quotes belong?
Malignant Marcupial
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ever been to Koala Lump-ur?
Stretch, hold, and release.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What dont they tell you in lamaze(sic) class?
Lone Wolf
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Yes..this is the President..what did you say your name was?
Halfway vertical.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Remember the Verti-Cal diet slogan, "It can't make you completely disapear, but we can go...
Lumpy pudding in my ear.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is your favorite tactile sensation?
A good stuffed animal for a parrot.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
What that with you in all the pictures.
Flying monkey humping your leg.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What do you think of my newborn child?
A light saber is waaaaaaaay sexier!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
WHy are you a Jedi Groupie?
Hamburger Hill with Ketchup
Posted by Peanut Gallery (Member # 3527) on :
(Playing Clue) Where did Ronald McDonald die?
The kittens....they're alive!
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
OH MY GOD!! what have you done to them YOU MONSTER!!!
Why is Ray having so much trouble counting the toothpicks?
He does it at the drop of a hat.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
How fast can I get Thor to sound confusing?
Once I take care of the humans, I will begin my war against...the bees.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Mr. Polemarch, You've just won the Nuclear Arms race, what are you going to do next?
Butane, Charcol, and your Mother in Law.
Hobbes
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What are the different types of addictive substances?
I need some.
Posted by Chess'sQueen (Member # 3523) on :
What's with alcohol?
I can't get no...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you any Grey Poupon?
Single and destined to stay that way.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Father O'mally, what are your marital plans for the future?
Cornbread, nothing but cornbread.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Is there a good one-word description of the south?
Singing in the dark.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is a gigalo good at making women do?
The left hand of silence
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Zen Master, which hand do you use to make the sound of one hand clapping?
Corporal Tunnel Syndrom
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is another name for the fear that a women's vagina is real? (trutunaphobia)
She's pregnant.
[This message has been edited by Yebor1 (edited May 24, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was her excuse for beating 15 men to within inches of their lives, cursing like a sailor and invading Lithuania?
Munch a bunch
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What is she doing on her carpetbagger trip?
C is for Scotland, that's good enough for meeeeeeeeeee
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How do the Spanish say "Yes" to a trip to Scotland?
Rocky XII.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What movie can you finally understand what the heck Sylvester Stallone is saying?
Clipping his toenails and taping them onto a letter to Emily, who loves him.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What is bigfoot doing with those hedge clippers?
Well, ya shoved it in my face!
Posted by Peanut Gallery (Member # 3527) on :
Why did you bite off my nose?
"Never, Morris. When the cows come home, all bets are off."
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Mom, can I milk the sheep today instead?
This is how you remind me.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You didn't sell that large nuclear weapon I told you to hold onto, did you?
BACK! STAY AWAY FROM MY BLOOD!!!!
(Dan_Raven, you don't actually happen to know a Father O'Malley, do you? There's one who teaches at my school. He's also written like 100+ books.)
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Hey Dracula, mind if I drink this?
It's dirty, dirty rice!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
It can't be that bad, George. I mean, it's not like it's porn rice!
Well, we got the sheep through but I dunno abut this camel...I'm gonna need some monetary persuasion.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it really easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven?
Must have my walking stick!
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
What are you going to do about that fat gangsta lurking on your porch?
not now
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How do you feel about deep fat fried crickets?
6 doves and two wolfs plus a feather of a ducks back.
Hobbes
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Wow, that was delicious! What's it made out of?
Yeah, um... seize that guy, and...um, throw him out an airlock.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who farted? He's in for it now!
Don Quixote the Goatee--
(Sorry Polemarch, I know no Father O'Malley's, just heard the name in a few off color, politically incorrect jokes)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You've actually named your facial hair? Okay, I'll bite, what is it?
There but for a little less melanin go I...
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is your philosophy on chewing nails?
No thats a penguin.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hey Look! Thats James Joyce!
3 times the square root of 41.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that your answer for EVERYTHING?
It was either the heebie jeebies or the ooglie wooglies.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
What exactly was the phraseology you used to make him lose all respect for you?
The glass is now officially half empty.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Oh, what the hell (glug glug)
Whack a Carnie!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What can I do to feel better about myself?
A Vintage Sony Walkman.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
New pacemaker?
It's got to be at least...3 times this big!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Well shoot! How big would a BIG GULP have to be to satisfy you?
Business cards were flying all over the room!!!
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Tough times working in the office,eh Potter?
Just a teanch.
Posted by Atarah (Member # 1659) on :
Is a smidgeon smaller than a small pidgeon?
Only if you can say that five times fast.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Toy boat?
My pen leaked.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Is that a cute new tatoo on your tush?
confidential applications go here
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's with the trash can?
Zoological rhumba
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What is the Crocodile Hunter's favorite dance?
But it's a dry heat.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you just blow up the entire world?
Singing in the Rain.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did you get so sick?
Rosencrantz and Gildenstern
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why Not?
Ring one up for the Bill Miester.
Hobbes
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
I guess Bill won again? Prick.
Oh my god, somebody put shit in my pants!
Posted by Kepper (Member # 3354) on :
What happened to your khakis?
You gotta see them swing, baby!
Kepper Another conversation stopper.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why would I ever want to attend a lynching?
Life is a circle.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
OH MY STARS!
Q: When flinging oneself from the parobolic pinnacle of knowledge into the concave conundrum of concuspicience, why should one wear velcro?
A: Underneath the twenty-foot limo.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Q: Where's the best place for a lawyers convention?
A: I wear short shorts
Posted by Kepper (Member # 3354) on :
Because of Nair hair removal cream, who wears short shorts?
Rollercoasters, ton's of 'em.
Kepper It would be cool to save the world and all, but I gotta save myself first.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
How do my emotions make me feel when posting in the same thread as *swoon* Dan_raven!?
'Cause big panties mean big women.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
Why do you fear the large panties section of Victoria's secret?
Eighty Days.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Guess how long it took me to get er' goin' last time?
Yum. Smells like fish.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
"Today, we've switched Chess's freshly caught salmon with all new Kraft Fish Whiz. It's just like Cheese Whiz, only fish. Let's see his reaction."
There is no spoon.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why cant i eat the watermellon?
Dammit Jim , I am an actor not a doctor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Could you check my prostate?
A voice like sandpaper and old socks.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Guess which of your old friends from school has this voice.
Boom...
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What does this button do?
Ms. Bitters, I have a Mighty Need to use the restroom!
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited May 30, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And in closing this motivational retreat, I'd just like to remind you to always ask for the thing that is your Mighty Need!
Grass stains.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I admire how you got those designs and color in your painting, just how did you achieve them?
Ants in the pants are not the same as peas in the pod
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What vexing household problem can be solved by the use of the new, improved astro-turf?
a sedentary lifestyle
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Live long and have...
Dude! That rock pet is the COOOOOLEST!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
See? It glows, can cause a nuclear explosion if not monitored carefully, and will give you cancer in 20 years!
La heirba siempre esta mas verde por otro lado de la pared.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Tell me again which way to the freeway?
Headphones and donkeys
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Which two resources will you most exploit in your campaign to take over the world?
It's a fluffy yellow rat!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Dear God! W-w-what is it?!
Ohhhhh, spoot!
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Where did you get that new hair piece?
I stuck my rear out the window and mooned her.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again how you got that girl's backpack lodged up there??
Miracle Whip.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
New hair mousse?
That was it.
[edit: i'm a little slow]
[This message has been edited by Vaultgirl (edited May 31, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I hate suppositories! Isn't there another way?
I think it was a fly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What part of a gentlemens wardrobe can be the most painful?
Superman and Wonderman lookout.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Whaddya got there, a giant ball of string?
50 feet of coax cable should do it.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How are we supposed to tie up our hostage and watch cartoons at the same time?
I feel like a million dollars.
[Just realized what number post I am. This is probably bad luck or something.]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 31, 2002).]
Posted by NotPod (Member # 2298) on :
Why did you eat that?
He's still after me.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
Where is my lightsaber when I need it?
RACHOOOO!!!!!!!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!SCOOBY DON"T!!!
And then his ass exploded!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I don't get it. You mean you didn't bring me the stolen donkey because there was a bomb?...Try explaining again.
Will you be my duckie-wuckie?
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
And then what did they ask you?
YAY!!! We're Doomed!!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Satan: Beelzebub! What is that racket outside!
Beelzebub: [timidly] Well, Your Lowness, it's the souls... it seems they've been promoted by God from damned to... well, listen: [opens window to joyous cheering]
I gotta see a dog about a man.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Hey Rex, where ya going? You're gonna miss the cat fight.
Handbook? Handbook to what?
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Is it possible to define male-ness in a single phrase?
What was your favorite part of the Brittany Spears concert?
Just don't stick it up your nose!!
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Dear. Ms. Manners: My husband and I recently received a larger silver gravy boat for our 20th wedding anniversary from a relative we hardly know. Would it be appropriate to return it for something we like better? Or is there a more appropriate, less "insensitive" action we could take?
Wait a minute...that's no kinetic sculpture!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you like George's kinetic scultpure sitting up there at the top of the hill?
I'm always ready for that!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you ready to be probed by aliens?
Nail polish and a wig.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Remind me...what's the boyscout motto?
Go ahead and pretend.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What should I do before I tend to the wounded?
It is an incorrect Oxygen/Nitrogen mix.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is this class so stifling?
100 billion stars.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Bad, bad pick up line: Want to know what I see in your eyes that makes me sure you were made in heaven?
Only if the stapler is red.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Bad, bad pick up line: Want to know what I see in your eyes that makes me sure you were made in heaven?
Only if the stapler is red.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
DO you think the marriage between the Communist Paper passer and the girl who staples his papers will last?
Repeating a bad pickup line doesn't make it better.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Hey, wanna come down to my house and shake it up a little? Hey, wanna come down to my house and shake it up a little?
Stop that! It's sending out lethal waves of stupid!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Wow, that is one crappy tatoo!
Let there be meatloaf.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did God say to the lions as he tossed Adam and Eve out of the Garden?
A stack of flour tortillas.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
What do you wanna bet?
Let me in on that action.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I had a really funny response to that, but it was most certainly PG-13 or higher Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
You want some, Billy Joe Bob?
I want some.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What would you say to...FIERY DEATH?
Greco-Roman architecture and a pina colada
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Tell him his puishment! <not quite a question but it works>
"I'm so excited, I just can't hide it, I know, I know, I know I want you..."
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What do you say when you shower with 80 men?
A broken hardrive.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
I want the cheapest thing you have.
You did 80 men in 10 minutes....
Posted by Darth Mauve (Member # 3606) on :
We just read through that new book, "80 Men I Knew" by Maddonna in record time.
Keep it clean, or keep me informed.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Any word of advice before I leave for endercon?
It's always this loud.
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited June 05, 2002).]
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
How did you get to be that loud while "sleeping"?
I know why you hate me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Were you always this cute?
Shhh...they're nesting.
Posted by wordman (Member # 1307) on :
What are those things crawling around your ear?
If the telephone would stop ringing, maybe I could do something about it.
[ February 28, 2004, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: wordman ]
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Aren't you goimg to do something about my phone lines? I'm paying you $50 an hour!
Your Mom and I had a nice night, we...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you going to be my new daddy this week?
Toe nail fungus.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What does Chess smell like?
A rose, by any other name...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Arroz con pollo?
Si no tiene el Schlitz, no tiene el gusto!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Q: Can you say that in Spanish?
A: Your mom.
Posted by blattos (Member # 3589) on :
who have put my cat in the microwave?
no I'll try to stop...
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Would you stop sniffing butts?
If I only had a brain...
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Q: What's 2+2?
A: So THAT'S what it looks like!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Imagine if a Mobius Strip and the Pentagon had children.
Kinder, gentler, totolertarian dictatorships.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would we get if that little dog from the Wizard of Oz ran the world?
A cavalcade of stars!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Isn't he that psycho baby killer that lost his legs in Nam?
Sure, he picks at it all the time.
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited June 06, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is that, a second nose growing out of his elbow?
Extra strength pain killers.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Something I need...
"All you need is..., All you want is...LLLLLOOOOVVVVVEEEEE, All you need is..., All you want is..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best Dave Matthew's song with a lyric stolen from the Beatles?
A Clockwork Orange.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What do you want?
"Like a virgin..., for the very first time..., like a virgin,virgin,virgin..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Has anyone ever set "Song of Solomon" to music?
Personal preference, and nothing more.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
You like guys?!
"Don't speak..., I know just what your thinkin..."
Posted by lilsciencepimp (Member # 3621) on :
So what did your girlfriend say when you pulled out the ring last night?
Gee...I wonder.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
H: Who do you think G will marry?
Bungee Running
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What do you get when you combine the olympics and extreme sports?
What does this button do?
Posted by Tweedy (Member # 2599) on :
I don't know... what does THIS button do?
It means the end of the world as we know it.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
I got a girlfriend!
"Red,Red Wiinnne..."
Posted by Tweedy (Member # 2599) on :
What did you smear in your hair again?
The real killer, is you.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
"Hello. I'm Jeeves, the butler."
I need a vacation!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Your going to work Saturday, right?
I don't think so, Tim.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
God bless us, everyone?
Redrum!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Hmmm... what should we pierce next?
They still think the earth is flat.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Why are those people constructing a gargantuan WonderBra?
Let the Wookie win.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
what if I don't want to lose my arms?
screw science, and math.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Which two fields of study are most relevant to the manufacture of metal fasteners?
Alien goo, or a left-over shake from McDonalds.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What were George Lucas's Orgin's?
Me.
Hobbes
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What comes after doe and Ray?
Who's on first.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Who's on first?
No, What's on second.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What the Heck?
Uh, that would be Bob Holston.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Say, who's that guy, you know, the one with the thing, and he does that stuff, you know?
It's a dongle.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What's that thing between the dingle and the dangle?
Oh my God, it's a mountain lion!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And now, Adam, what name will you give this creature?
It was furry, tall, and grunted whenever it moved.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What was your first husband like?
9 out of 10 doctors recommend it.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Why do you wipe your @ss with sand paper?
You must be very quiet when swirling it.
[edit: spelling as usual]
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited June 10, 2002).]
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Why did you get that silenced blender?
Nooooo!! My walnuts!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
:: opens medicine cabinet :: Got any aspirin? :: nuts go tumbling everywhere ::
Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits, of course.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You chose what for the soundtrack to Mother Theresa's biographical documentary?
I'm including that in my second book, "More of That About Which I Know."
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Where are you going to stick that goofy picture of you yelling at a cloud?
Go to chat....go to chat....
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the web equivalent of telling spirits to "go to the light...go to the light..."?
A blank check.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Who's the second worse person, after the Polak, to compete on a game show? [cheezy rim shot in the background]
8 ball, corner pocket.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Is there a hole in your pocket and are you happy to see me?
Rinse, lather, repeat. Always repeat.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do I do after I rinse and lather?
Beach Ball Bunny
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Quick! Make up a phrase in which every word starts with the letter B!
And Alderan's not far away, it's californication...
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How much further do we have? Let me see the map-- oh my God! What is that movie producer doing with those two girls and that circus bear on the unicycle with the plunger, W-D40, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, the man with the nose bleed, and the remains of the elephant man!?
[I had to punch it up a little to make the joke work]
One lump, thank you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you get when you "punch it up a little?"
The White Tornado!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you get when a cyclone hits the whitewash factory?
Cleveland and Dayton
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What is there in Ohio? Anything?
ALL ABOARD!!!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did the Mad Conductor say right before the train jumped the tracks?
Only your hairdresser knows for sure.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Does anyone know how to cover or take out this blue dye?
Bowser
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Who is your favorite in Super Smahs Bros. Melee?
I've got the cd.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you have LOVE IN YOUR LIFE?
His name's a palindrome.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Can't you say anything good about Bob?
Out from under his toenail.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Where did he get that thread-killing potion he gave me?
Oh, no, not the 70's!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, wanna listen to my Hendrix 8-track?
I have the certificate right here.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You fit eleven cheerios in your nose?
He was found strangled on his Windows mouse.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Watson, how was Mr. Gates murdered?
Bill and Ted
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Now, who can we get to pull this off?
A BIC lighter.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Ok, Bob. If my calculations are correct, you're about to be launched back in time to about 150,000 years ago. At this point, homo erectus is still very agressive and not advanced at all. What would you like to bring along to ensure your survival if you happen to fall in among a tribe of them?
[Yes, I'm baiting him, but I want to be sure that he catches on.]
Dazed and confused.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Q: Hey! That looks like YOU in that gay porno! Hey man, you feeling ok?
A: WTF
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are the initials of the last three days of the week, before the weekend?
This. Oh. Yeah. It goes over there. Yep. In the round one. OR POBPir2? What the hell is that? some kind of demented circle?
There's only one way out of here, and it doesn't look good.
Edit to add an answer. Oops. :P
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited June 13, 2002).]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Q: So, do you want to go get a doughnut?
A: Well, I just liked the color!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Right... you really didn't know what the saying on your t-shirt meant?
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you think of people who talk in Dr. Seuss rhymes?
Pickled pigs' feet.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
What will my mother make for lunch with the extended family?? (very delicious btw)
Below the sky, in a million tiny pieces.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
After the tornado where did your house wind up?
A watch fob
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what'd you buy with the money from selling your hair?
Similar, but not quite the same.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of the words Synanom and Hononym?
Spelling is for the imagination impaired.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Don't you think that the "i before e, except after c" rhyme is a clever learning device?
Absolutely not. No... well, maybe once or twice. Alright, every single day, Your Honor, sometimes twice.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Papa Moose...is it true?
And that is why I never wash my hands.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, is that chicken finger-licking good?
That's Sir Mick Jagger to you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So which new knight do I get to joust with today?
But these calories are not fattening.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Thats an afully big helping of chunky chunky choclate chip.
Yep.
Hobbes
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Do you have any last words?
Just swallow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ugh, whis sthuff statshes thorrible. Whaths in ith?
I think it was a double entendre.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did he want a single or double?
Roasting on a spit.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Where do you think administrators who condone cheating and plagiarism should end up?
They're just no good after they get all scratched up.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Why are we leaving the hobbits in the briar patch?
The Santa Claus stand-in was not in the contract.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why are those midgets in funny shoes burning down the mall?!
Checkmate.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's a good name for a private investigator service that specializes in tracking cheating spouses?
It's loosely based on Dune, with a little Smurf mixed in.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
So what's the next Sprite commercial based on?
Bite me, doughboy!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What is kinky sex for Mrs. Pillsbury?
Hey, Mikey! I think he likes it!
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Want to try Jihad Flakes? They have extra Islam-juice on them!
Either Florence or Alabama.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Either positively or negatively, what is the one place that is historically most noted for its culture? (And what exactly do you mean by "Islam-juice." Are you trying to say that that isn't just milk in my cereal?)
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Shoot the man in the back of the head, and you eat the fish for that day.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
So what did he tell you just as you grabbed the gun and hesitated in giving him the fish?
"Can you see my..., tonight..." "In the jungle we..., tonight..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the recognition code and when does it go into effect?
A huge bag of yellow LEDs.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What's worse than yellow snow?
Don't quote me on that.
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Did I hear you right? You hate the quote chain thread?
I have the worst luck. Period.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that people who use the full names of punctuation marks (like saying "period" after a sentence) will never get into heaven?
Everyone should try it at least once.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What do you think about that new "Death by SPEED!!!" roller coaster?
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't DIE!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the most disgusting thing you can think of to post?
Charge it to my account.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
How will you be paying for your porn subscription sir?
That sounds like a personal problem.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
THE MONKEY! THE MONKEY! IT HAUNTS MY DREAMS!!!
She tried to kill me with a forklift!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
So how did the rednecks "alien" abduction story end?
You bought your mother a keg of beer to celebrate Father's day all because your dad died...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why was Chess celebrating nearly killing off the thread?
Ask a stupid question...
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You mean to tell me that "bed-wetting" is the leading cause of chain mesh underwear rust?
It needs salt.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is your impression of SPam?
Spam, spam, spam, spam.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, looking out of the Maps, maps, maps, maps store, what do you see?
Dark curly hair.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Alright..and what else would you like on that?
Make it a double.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Just how bad was your day?
I'm moving where!!!????
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Stop saying that! I said where!
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why Pinky, if we just had a giant magnet and five aboriginal gold fish, someone nasty enough could take over the world.
Never play Brain Games with missing pieces.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why so puzzled?
But I have a restraining order!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What plea did the Grandmother enter in the court case regarding her bondage den?
Stop or I'll shoot!
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited June 18, 2002).]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Who wants to watch Episode 1 again?
Well I can get the the bread and the chain link fence, but the three-hundred cats will be a problem.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you help me set up a feline socialization program at the prison?
All I wanted was an orange highlighter.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did you buy that late night infomercial product that came with the free orange highlighter and then throw the miracle hair-removing cream away?
I picked it up from Mobius.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How on earth did you develop Turrett's syndrome?
Yes, I think that I would.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
You wouldnt like to act wild and crazy and do some female bonding would you? Basically go to see the Ya Ya Sisterhood and to a male strip club.
Abstract Posters drive me up the wall.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why is that BMer on your wall?
Rhymes with itch.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
What did you just call me?!
I just felt like it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you buy Strider's idea on e-bay?
Circumlocution, I would have to say.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What is it when the power lines get wrapped all the way around the victim?
"I read Ender's Game and all I got was this T-shirt"
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
So, how was that timeshare meeting?
I want some, now!!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
So, how would you like a a personal army, a large expensive german car, and 800 cases of all-natural laxitive?
*stormtrooper picks up metal ring and faces officer* "Look sir, Chain mesh underwear!"
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Chess wuz here!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
jehovid -- LOL!!!
What's our next item up for bid?
Cheez Whiz here.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What does it say outside the door of the dairy products' bathroom?
The blue sets off your eyes nicely.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Do I look okay in this Nitrogen Suit?
Cheeeezzzzzz Wiiizzzz, tha's all we's got.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You don't have any Muenster either? What kind of Cheese Shop is this?
Monty Python v.s. Montezuma's Revenge
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I know this is the end, but which end?
Now with miracle microfibers and collagen!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, is that the new Cher 6.0?
Thigh-high, red leather
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How can you tell we've reached downtown New-York?
Quarter past five and a couple of maroon geese.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Excuse me sir, could you tell me the time, and what those wonderful slacks are made out of?
I always keep a backup copy.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Darn! What are you going to drive now that your car was totaled?
No, he's always like this.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that what happens when a man's soul is ripped out of his body?
First, I had to learn how to make curly fries.
Posted by Polystyrene (Member # 3612) on :
How did you become Wendy's Employee of the Month?
Going, Going, Gone!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have a bid of 15 cents for this rare collectors item, the plastic tip of Micheal Jackson's nose. 15 cents going once. 15 cents going twice...
I'm Bad, I'm Bad. I know it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What punishment hurts us more than it hurts you? Say it for me!!!
Helen of Troy wasn't worth it.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Bobalapolous? (<---funny part of the joke) Why couldn't you trade Paris for the fleet of 999 ships?
Bobby Fischer-Price
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you know where I can get a chess set with Weebles as the various pieces?
I maxed out my credit card, of course.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
How come all the furniture is gone?
never more, never GOD DAMN more!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What did the raven say?
Try checking in the couch.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Where are my walnuts?
"...And that we may blow our enemies into tiny bits, in His mercy."
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What else would you like for Christmas Timmy?
A blister, a broken finger and a smile.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Please explain that to me, ludosti.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What are some things that Ronald McDonald's pyscho twin, Donald, loves to see?
I am the cheese.
(Fossil, little Timmy is obviously quoting Holy Grail as a sarcastic reply to what he wants for Christmas because he knows that every Christmas all he ever wants is an electric train set but he doesn't get anything because he's Jewish.)
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You smell, are yellow, sometimes have holes in you, and mice are fond of you. What are you?
Some call me....*dramatic pause* Tim.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who may I say is calling?
Only the overwhelming fear.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So was it the overwhelming fear of talking to audiences that made you vomit or was it also the shame of having forgotten your pants?
I'm trying to free your mind.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What's a popular assertion for people that are trying to get you to give them money?
They jumped off the bridge first.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
So, Mr. Troll, what do you have to say for yourself?
I mistook the d and f keys.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Did you just call me a fudus?
Because its Tuesday.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can't you do something about that dragon?
Justice, then Mercy, I'm pretty sure.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What are your least favorite virtues?
I beat him up.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you finally get him upstairs?
A benzene ring and a Freudian slip.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Your wife suspects you and your secretary because of what???
Press any key.
Posted by Shlomo (Member # 1912) on :
Hey Bob, what'd you have for dinner last night?
Nucleomagnetic fission.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What'd the teacher give you a dentention for?
Salsa
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Dude, what's the secret ingredient in chocolate shake?
Only if I get the pictures afterwards.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Are you in for a Hatrack photobooth session after Endercon?
Oh, no..... Not another one.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Should I start a "God I hate Sharon Thread"?
Road Rage: The Extreme.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Have you heard that song about road rage by The Offspring?
Ironic, I just happen to know what you did last summer.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What does God say when he's being sarcastic?
It works for me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And you say you actually get dates by singing The Star Spangled Banner backwards?
Two coats of wax.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Your mom coated you in wax?
Chess is an idiot. (did this just to see what happens)
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
The truth is out there...
The cream cheese in my pockets is very messy.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited June 25, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's that squishing noise?
Yellow, puce, and dark mauve.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
can you discribe the paint cans that attacted you?
mind your p's and q's and your cakatoo.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
What was Kipling's favorite advice to reject?
No, the blue sign means that YOU are out of order.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Out of order? How can the judge's gavel be about of order?
That is the opinion of the wise.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
I think Chess is an idiot, do you? (j/k Chess, I had to)
Dude, I didn't want to see that...ever.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shall we cut the baby in two?
Doubles tennis, or maybe it's another family feud.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What was all that talking about getting their balls into a net?
Well the waiter certainly didn't see it that way!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
*one chef faces another* I thought that live squid in the calamari would be pretty funny, didn't you?
I am Government Man, come from the Government. The Government has sent me.
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited June 25, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you here to help?
Trash pickup is Monday and Thursday.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Why don't you ask me out?
There's no such thing as fairies.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What is it that makes you think San Fransisco is a make-believe place?
I collect them.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You have Shrunken Heads of Political Leaders of the Cold War()?
ya chitayo.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you say "cheese that goes 'crunch'" in Portugese?
Permanent marker.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
...and here is your wine and your...bees, sir?
Harry Pothead and the stoned sorcerer.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you read that new book on living in LA?
Los Lobos in Las Vegas
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey you, Mexican-immigrant person, why is everyone running out of Las Vegas with tattered clothing and looks of sheer terror on their faces?
(Phew! This almost died among the first amendment squabbling.)
Nothing a little bourbon won't fix.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, jeho, is your schizophrenia acting up again?
I couldn't resist.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you borrow my chain mesh underwear again?
It's good for you!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
OK Mr. Skywalker, we'll flip for it. Heads I'm the Jedi and your the Sith lord, Tails, its evil for me and....
Josie and the venemous sabertooth pussy cats.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So what're they changing their name to since they've been taking horse steroids to "toughen up" their image?
I like mine with lettuce and tomato.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you spell Dictionary?
Englebert Sinatra
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did the French mob accuse you of mispronouncing?
I will get post 1000
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey Locke, have you been to the Chain Mesh Underwear Fan Club thread?
I got my Ph.D. from there.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Can you believe McDonald's has a "college"?!
Make three lefts and go straight for 1 block.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If two wrongs don't make a right, what does?
Hamburger Heaven, French Frie Heck.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Where do the good spellers go and where do the bad spellers go?
Try remembering the last place you saw them.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
Where are my pet rocks!??? I have to find my pet rocks!!!
Elves, wizards, hobbits, and a creature with wings who can't even fly.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why didn't Tolkien put penguins in the Lord of the Rings?
3 Turtle Doves !?!? Hobbes
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Give me your reaction to this: I think that since the the coming of the new millenium is such a milestone in human history, we should make all the numbers go up by one.
Objection, Your Honor! He's badgering the witness!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why is there a badger in the courtroom?
Next please.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Mobius (edited July 02, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can I play the role of Ender in the movie?
Sherbert and Calomine lotion.
Posted by Seppuku (Member # 3730) on :
What did you have for breakfast?
And that's when the goats attacked.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did you do to avoid AIDS???
Verse 7 He was a large man, because he carried the lovechild of Bill Cosby, and he ate only sesame seeds and he did always carry an orange in his left hand.
Verse 8 And he walked in favor with the Lord, for he did not cut his hair nor did he girdle his loins with cheese.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you ran all the way across the football field, avoided the punt return team and kissed the ref full on the lips. When were you arrested?
You say Tomato I say Heizenberg Principle
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Who do you think you are, a quantum physicist?
Ya, he smells fine, but he'll bight your head off without a warning.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is your husband still using that Mike Tyson cologne?
My credit report arrived.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's the difference between listening to a Britney Spears CD and eating one?
99 bottles of beer on the wall.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ever been on a school field trip?
Smokey the llama.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Who's Joe Camel's cousin?
They're going to Endercon.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where were they going so fast with the keg?
It wasnt me, it was the one armed man!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who pinched me?
Garganzola Granola
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there an upscale version of Cheesy Poofs?
All I wanted was a full size spare.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you get a pool?
Put it out, put it out!!
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 04, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Oooh that chili was good. Hey, see my finger, quick...
Yummy Yummy, tastes good in the tummy.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What did you think of her baby?
Anything for King Kashue!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Could i borrow a bag of peanuts?
Go down 2 blocks, turn left, past 3 lights and you're there.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Mobius (edited July 05, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And you were so in awe you couldn't think of one deep thing to say?
Now with double the placenta!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What does is say on the side of the New and Improved FertiliPill box?
I can't find the remote control.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Dude...why is your hand in my pocket?
it had to be the chihuahuas...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who left this crap all over the carpet?
I think you know the answer to that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Only a fool would presume to know the meaning of life, the univers, and everything.
You let the dogs out.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
(Resists the urge.) Why are you fingering that knife and looking at me angrily, Cruella DeVille?
100 mph.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If one more Mutant Hamster gets pregnant, do you know what we'll have?
Vow one, Let the easy ones go.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again why you intentionally spoiled our whale hunt by opening Shamu's tank to the open ocean?
They forgot to convert to metric units.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
(Dan, lol)
Why are my European-imported pants always falling down?
It's right behind you.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
"Where did my hair go?" -unicorn's husband
A cup of tea will do nicely.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
After last night I bet you'd like something to revive your strength, right?
Nuke the whales!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What should we do after we're done draining all the oil out of Alaska, Mr. Bush?
In my sock drawer, next to the revolver.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you got any protection?
Sounds like overkill to me.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Hey, let's drain the ocean and then nuke 'em.
You'll need heavy duty gloves for that.
Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :
Do you think that these will work, to handle this plutonium core?
THX-1138
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Say, is that "American" grafitti? What's it say?
It's all Greek to me.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Do you know the difference between Chinese and Japanese architechture?
I would, but I'm depressed.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
"Hey big boy", said the female tongue to the male tongue, "want to get to know each other a little better?"
Because it's easier than trying to teach them to whistle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why, in God's name, would you teach the children to burp on command?
It's sort of like a bird's beak, only bigger.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
No, I haven't seen Michael Jackson's latest plastic surgery.
No, I ate three pounds of Cheez-it's instead.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sheesh! How come I keep tripping when I try to jump over this book?
Actually, I think the plural is octopusses.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What if there's more than one group of eight sissies? What insult can we hurl at them then?
No it isn't.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
The world is round, isn't it?
I'd like to help, but I'm busy Saturday. I'm trying to solve Pi.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Saturday is the day I clean out my septic tank. I expect you to help unless you have a good excuse.
Everybody's doing the locomotion.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come the Segway isn't selling well?
Yeah, thanks, but you've mispelled my name.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Mr. Bob Psycopath, my name is Smith Smithers and I'm calling to tell you about the all-expenses-paid trip to the Bermuda Triangle being given away this weekend! Would you care to purchase a raffle ticket for only $500?
Greasy, grimy gopher guts.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What do you get when a gopher sticks his head out of the ground just behind your golf ball as you're getting ready to swing?
I haven't seen you here before.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What would you say if a female sheep were to post on this page?
I've been fleeced.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What do you realize after watch "The Fleecing of America" on the NBC Nightly News?
That was my conclusion too, but then I realized it was wrong, so now you can have it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
But I thought you said you hadn't gained weight since high school. You don't fit in the size 6 sundress?
Yes, but I think a shovel would be cheaper.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Pamela Anderson is dumber than a shovel.
I dig it man.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
I'm building a secret passage to China, you want to help?
E = mc... ah darn it, I can't remember.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the only question on the pan-galactic test for sentience?
A death cast of Leonardo DaVinci.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Welcome to the Rennaisance Pro-Bass Tourney here in Pisa. We take you to our favorite, Mr. Da Vinci, who is about to cast for the first time this morning, and its good. Its great. Why, I'd call it...
Glorified Carnations and corny Gloriolas
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 09, 2002).]
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What'd you give your girlfriend at the prom?
Extra electrons on the 8th and 9th outer quad-rings.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why didn't you stop and pick up the dry cleaning on your way home?
The Manhattan Project.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Hey, while I was busy defending our country and you were sitting on your lazy @ss, what were you doing?
I hear voices in my head, and they don't like you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you always wear an aluminum foil helmet when we're together?
I collect rice.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
How do you keep making your pet birds explode?
That's just too much information in the yellow pages.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What a detailed description of this escort service.
No, but he keeps throwing his feces at the family portrait.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So the fundamentalist Christian really doesn't mind being related to monkeys?
80 proof.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
My, my...this Earl Gray is giving me a wonderfully warm feeling. What's your secret?
He was a goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
Why in the world would a man choose to live in Canada?
A rubber chicken, two pounds of beef jerkey, and three pairs of handcuffs.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's a good recipe for Thanksgiving fun?
Square watermelons.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
You know what a good Christmas present for Gallagher would be?
Just a little bit...underneath my fingernails.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, did you ever get anything from your father?
An inflatable keyboard might be nice.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
AHH! im afraid of drowning! what can i get to help me?
Fried Green Potatoes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you name even one Southern dish that doesn't taste great?
Endercon 4004.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What's the best reason for the development of an "immortality pill".
"Rubber Baby" (tm) brand buggy bumpers.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did Susie buy with the money she made selling sea shells at the sea shore?
Herculean efforts are required.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How do you peel yourself away from Hatrack?
Girls Gone Mild
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
What do Amish teenagers with hormones watch?
Dude, you're gettin' a Dell!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why did you just put your foot through the screen?
No days off for good behaivor.
Hobbes
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
But honey! I know we agreed that the wife makes the rules but I've been real good and I wanna go to Endercon!
His marbles? I don't want to think about that...
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
I lost my marbles, have you seen them?
Rhymes with shit knee beers.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Come on, can't you even give us a hint on who's going to be on your cover next month, Mr. Playboy editor?
All I did was replace his regular coffee with the blood of a unicorn. What's the big deal?
A quaking aspen.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Mix three parts Gin, one part Vodka, and a famous Colorado Ski Town, then stir vigirously. What do you call it?
I'll take a mixed drink.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Honey, the visiting teachers will be here soon...do you want a vivarin to keep you from falling asleep this time?
I don't know...three pounds is an awful lot.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Honey, I'm pretty sure that this is human feces.
Sir, yes, sir!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the absolutely worst thing you could say to your wife when she asks if this outfit makes her look butch?
Purgatory light.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I think we should have some sort of minimum security hell for all those people who tear the tags off of mattresses. Hmmm...what should we call it?
I lost it in a freak corkscrew incident.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Frisco, where'd my freak corkscrew go?!
I'm getting close.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Jehovoid, have you collected enough information on Earth to report back to your home planet?
Yes, from America.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
You're American?!
(while I'm spouting movie quotes}
I can't...they've tied my shoelaces together.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Can you show me some of your yo-yo tricks?
Dude! You're gettin' a Dell!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you mean, I should put tech support on my speed dial?
It's just like in "The Scarlett Letter"...only I have to wear an "M".
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Do you masterbate?
MWAAHAHAHAHA!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'd like to take a one-post time out for Dr. Mobius to get his act together. I knew you were awake...are you drunk?
I guess that'll double as my question, as the answer is quite appropriate. My answer:
I told him his oven was on.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why am I laughing evilly?
Dude! Your gettin' a Dobie!
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Ok, so I've killed twenty men; what's my punishment?
Red ink, all over.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What happens when the GOP retakes control of the government?
I want my tax cut and I want it NOW!
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
If you could choose between Britney and being immortal, what would it be?
Don't you worry, it's all paid for!
Posted by Ellie (Member # 3481) on :
What's this hooker doing in my hotel room?
Because monkeys are the superior race!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey! Wait a minute, how come I'm inside the cage?
It's either a giant calendar or a very small scale map of the universe.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
OK smart guy, if you don't see Elvis in my armpit stains, what DO you see?
Baldarness
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a word that will stun and confuse my simple mind?
42
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Wait, how many times did you open the closet door before you found that it wasn't the way out?
Down by the old mill stream.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Which part of the Shire do you miss the most Sam?
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you think the dolphin was trying to say when he did the back flip while whistling the star spangled banner before he was beamed up into space?
Yes i am.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey! Where're you going with all that salmon? You need to pay for those!
I thought I was forgetting something.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you check to see if someone else had already posted?
Douglas Adams
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Who was the blacksheep of the Addams family that got led astray by "The Salmon of Doubt"?
Anything goes!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
You sure about that?
Yo' Showtay'!
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited July 14, 2002).]
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What did the cool tribesman say to get his friend's attention?
So that's where that 450 count box of number 8 pencils went.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
HOW COME YOU KEEP RUNNING OUT OF PENCILS!??
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What would be an appropriate thing to say to Nsync?
Those are my cookies!!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What would you say to a greedy computer nerd who can't find good stuff on his computer anymore?
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala...boredom is not the answer!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a seven letter word that rhymes with whoredom?
Microsoft.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
(ROFLMAO)
What could be another name for human midgit babies?
You're not worth it!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
My name is pee wee herman, wanna see a movie?
10% fruit juice
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
(A Company Marketing Meeting) "What advertising phrase can we put on our corn syrup-overdosed fruit drinks to scam Americans into thinking they are buying a nutritious product?"
There's my bamboo!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wont somebody help that kid being attacked by the panda bear? She only has a stick!
How reassuring.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
"Hmm...start Nuclear war or go to Austin Powers, Jackie Chan and Chris Rock for help?" George Bush.
I be's da bestest stoodent of da year, fo' sho'!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what exactly are you going to write for your Harvard application essay?
I'm sorry, I could't hold it any longer.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
Man, why did you just pee all over my leg? (really did happen to me in elementary school)
There's an eye on the flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the whole in the bottom of the sea.
[This message has been edited by Marlozhan (edited July 15, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Are you really that stupid? C'mon admit it?
99 bottles of beer on da wall, 9 *hiccup* 9 bottles of be*hiccup*er! take one down pass it a*hiccup*round ("No, It's mine!"), 98 bottles of beer on the wall *BAM* *fainted*
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what did you do in your spare time while writing this your epic doctoral thesis on the credibility of Pinky and Brain?
I wish you would just believe what I'm telling you!
[This message has been edited by Narnia (edited July 15, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Oh, so now you're gay? What's next?
In this case then, I suggest 'Homocil'!!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Did you know you watch SNL too much?
Look dude! A pack of shoebies just swarmed the beach.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Keep walking...who really cares about a sinking corgo ship full of cheap womens' shoes?
It was about the size of a watermelon.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
So...how big was that watermelon at the picnic Sunday?
Yes...but I had to dislocate my jaw.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Fat Bast**d, did you really eat a baby?
Big Mac
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You have something stuck in your teeth; hold on, let me look...oh my gosh! It's an entire--
Yes.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
You wanna cyber?
Yeah, that's what they all say.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
I don't even like your chain mesh underwear, why would I steal it?
I'm being attacked by starving crazed weasels.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why are you standing like that?
If at first you don't suceed....cheat.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Psst! What's the meaning of life?
Aliens don't exist...hey, what's that bright light...AAAHHHH!!!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So, do you want to come aboard our ship and learn the mysteries of the universe?
I had no idea someone could be that stupid.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who was the idiot who said latex was the next levi?
No! the baby is over there.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Where is it? You killed it! You sicko!
Get off the line you damn telemarketer, I'm expecting a call!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Can I speak to the owner of this establishment? Would you like to take a survey? How many cars do you own? Do you prefer sprite or seven up? Whats your favorite book? Do you like beans? Im sorry did i call at a bad time?
I forgot... um..... maybe.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Do you suffer from memory loss?
It's ok, I'm gonna shoot you in the head.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Not my future children!!
Damn capitalist pigs!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Would you like to buy a car? Here, how about this one? I know it looks like a piece of shit, but I can assure you it's in excellent condition under the hood. I'll let you have it for only $10,000.
[cough]T. Smith is a newbie.[cough]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a great thing to say to piss me off?
Tell me something i dont know.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
(resists urge to call him a newbie) What's the human equation got to do with solving pi?
WTF, the gravity machine is broke again.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
ET, are you lifting those clay planets?
Id much rather stay out here.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What are you doing you idiot? Get back in the space ship.
I just bought a new lawn mower. Now if only I had a lawn to mow.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hows life at sea treating you?
Thats freakin amazing!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
You're a damn fool, you know that don't you?
Hello...doh, I thought you were the pizza guy.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hi im elder smith, and this is my companion elder christiansen and were members of the church of jesus crist of later day saints. Would you mind if we came in?
You wish
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Has Dr. Mobius finally been caught for his crimes against decent human beings yet?
Vicious burning fatal accident.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Soo, does that mean you don't have my pizza?
French toast and strawberries.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What's your sexual fantasy?
No, I don't want to change my long distance company!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hello, are you currently eating dinner and/or have soap in your eyes because you just got out the shower to answer the phone?
We gotta r-u-n-n-o-f-t!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How many times should we runn?
Im not intrested, quit knocking on my door.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Here's your pepporoni pizza, sir. The total comes to $13.56. Will you be paying with cash or a check?
Raindrops keep fallin' on me 'ead...
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited July 17, 2002).]
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What were you singing during the Chinese water torture?
I said pastries, not panties.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why are you so upset, won't these work for the deacon's housewarming party?
This is only a drill!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wow! Is that like an entire machine shop in one handy tool?
I'm running out of patience.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited July 17, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have $45,000 owed on my Lexus and $150,000 owed to the Country Club. I'd love to do more appendectamies but....
I'm back from Vegas
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What happened? Did someone mug you and take everything but your boxers?
It was great, except that I got struck by lightning.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you enjoy dressing up like the tin-man?
The Ozzbourne Identity.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What was that movie where the guy just wandered around mumbling "Who am I?"
You better sit down.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why didn't you tell us you had hemeroids?
People; I'm allergic to people.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
why are you so afraid of being social?
Sorry, im LDS
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why do you keep putting Postum in the coffee maker!
Just over-compensating I guess.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you always hang out with the genious's? (sp)
You're a nark!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who thinks I should call T_Smith's mommy and tell her that he's playing on the internet when he should be sleeping?
I pick them off and ball them up in a napkin.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Man, this scab collection is fantastic! What's your secret?
Would you like fries with that?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You owe us all a Double Quarter-Pounder with cheese for almost derailing the thread with your double-question post, okay?
I have two glass eyes.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How come I can see you brain?
Make 7Up YOURS!!
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
Bachlor #2, I love a man with sexy eyes.. what color are yours?
It was the moose's fault! I swear!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How are we supposed to know you're talking about antlers when you yell out "NICE RACK?"
Prescott's The History of the Conquest of Mexico
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited July 18, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Where'd the idea for "The Mexican" come up from?
REspect the cream cheese, da**it!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do I make my bagel happy?
Lox, lots of yummy lox.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats that your eating?
(btw, lox is both smoked salmon and liquid oxygen)
Im going to "censor" those words.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you use the word "censor" in a sentence and make those funny quote marks with your fingers while doing it?
"Park Hopper."
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What does the hobo call himself now?
Obey the chickens. They can't control you forever.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
we must rebel! death to the chickens!
when little boys grow up they become women. When little girls grow up they become men. wait...no...thats not right.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And now, a public service announcement from Dan Quayle on pollution:
It's like Shakespeare, but with a twist.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Have you seen the new Broadway play, "Chubby Checker and Juliet"?
We went cow-tipping instead.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you mean you didnt tip the pizza guy!?
I fail to see the threat
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...did you hear that Iraq was selling nuclear weapons to Canada?
Every other Thursday. Or whenever I'm really hungry.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Godzilla, when are you planning to visit Japan?
Robo-King Kong
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You have a birthmark? What does it look like?
In one ear and out the other.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
Has anyone ever looked closely at Sugar Babies candy lately? Do you know how they really make it?
I know what you really meant by that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you ever tried car surfing at 50 mph?
I was confused there for a minute.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Put your clothes back on...I said "cube steak".
Freudian slip, sorry...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Look, its Sigmund in a dress.
Pyschoanalyze this.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Where is your journal?
not mine! NOT MINE!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whose speedo is this?
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I hear that the McDonald's training program is pretty in-depth.
I'm leaving.
(Dan, that was hilarious)
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
I heard Sesame Street was going to have an HIV puppet. Bernie where are you going?
Roses are red violets are blue....
[This message has been edited by unicornwhisperer (edited July 20, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell us Mr. Edgar Allen Poe, what is the scariest poem you ever written?
Quoth the Raven, Caw Caw.
(ps. Thanks for the compliment)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Oh demon of the night with satans eyes and satans jaw Will thoust go and kill my pa? I would but its agaisnt the law.
Thats not my mom.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh my God! Is this a picture of your mom! She's disgusting! Look at that huge beard and the manly features!
Can you repeat the question?
(sheesh, I'm losing it.)
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 20, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How does that malcolm in the middle song go again?
Go batman!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you say to encourage the man using the Batroom?
I feel flushed.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hows life in the toliet treating you flies?
dobie
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What do you call points for being punny?
Never on a Sunday.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Want a cup of coffee? (eddie izzard reference there)
covered in bees!
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 20, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's the best way to get fresh honey?
Film and Television star
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What should Al Gore not try to be?
Dont ask, and i wont tell.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is that strange smell?
A sloth, an aardvark, and one bottle of pickle relish.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
This casserole is so... different. Can you tell me what's in it?
Oh no, not again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you like your possum cooked?
Black gold, Texas tea.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did Ellie Mae serve at her garden party?
Yippee-Kai-O-Kai-Yay!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Are there really Japanese cowboys?
WARNING: THIS PROFILE MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT SAX AND GRAPHIC VIOLINS.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What would a movie featuring Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky at the Kennedy Center look like?
Make it so number two.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What do you have to do in the bathroom?
The spinner is stuck on green.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why do you keep putting your foot in that circle?
Vroom vroom
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Grandma! Grandpa thinks he's a race car again!
Here's to hoping...
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
You heard they are not making 3 MORE Star Wars movies?
I never thought it was possible for a person to get like that.
[This message has been edited by Vampire Hunter D (edited July 21, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Vampire Hunter D (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Did you read the book Lost Boys?
A pencil, a bucket of mud, and David Bowles.
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
What do you have in your basement Zevlag?
I take the right pills, sometimes.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
[Fie! Edited for slow fingers. ]
[This message has been edited by ClaudiaTherese (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Are you insane!?
42
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
How many times have you been arrested for indescent exposure?!
There is only one count.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The rest are all fakes. I am the real Count Chocula.
There can be only one.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
How many kittens do we have to kill?
Peanut Butter and Jelly
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can you tell you were robbed by Billy the Kid?
It's fully automated.
Posted by Fourth (Member # 3853) on :
Wait, why are their so many baby monkeys?
Cheese!
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
How did you get all the rats out of your house?
Don't mess with texas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The long tall dude in the big hat made you you stay away from Hatrack for a whole week. Wow,... (This was supped to go with the previous post, but simo-posting. I edited to make work)
Swiss and Cheddar.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 21, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
What do you smell like?
duh! Shadow Puppets
[This message has been edited by Zevlag (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
So what are we going to do at the rave your throwing?
I see *whisper* stupid people *whisper*
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Come on...why won't you go to K-mart with me?
A Bulgarian prostitute with a trick knee and an underbite.
Posted by graywolfe (Member # 3852) on :
What were you in your previous life Jesse Helms?
An oversized Mandible.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why do you call this ant "Mick Jagger?"
I'm just tellin' you what I heard...
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Wait, what did you say our president was again?
Fame in thirty seconds.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
A total lack of clothing + a ride in the back of a convertible through New York City =
AY! MIS CAJONES!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Man you look awful! Where were you hurt?
Stained-glass cathedral windows.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
What's a less expensive way to annoy a Protestant?
After the check bounces.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How can you hop out of debt?
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What do you see in my future?
Thirty-six cents and half of an oreo.
Hobbes
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How much does prostitute get?
Oxy-morons are smart people.
Posted by Airguitarist (Member # 2647) on :
What!?! I thought you said the bull was a genious?!?
10:15 on saturdays.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Wow...you're 32, you live at home, AND your mom makes you go to bed at 10:00 every night?
I fell down a lot.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did you give up high-wire walking?
Yu-Gi-Oh.
Posted by Fourth (Member # 3853) on :
What the heck are those wierdos chanting?
Ah crap! Thats what its for?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The "edit post" button is for when you realize you screw something up after posting(like typing a question where there should be a comment). Do you need help finding it?
That's true...but I had government funding.
Posted by Fourth (Member # 3853) on :
Prostitutes are expensive these days.
Pencil! wait i mean blue!
[This message has been edited by Fourth (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Question 6, grade school IQ test: What color is a big blue pencil?
Mind-numbing...but I learned how to crochet.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How do you reveal your feminine side, sir?
The CROSS COMPELLS YOU!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are you poking me in the back with?
It's the motherboard.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Hardware guy: It's not the soundcard, videocard, cd-rom, powersupply... Software guy: It's not MS Windows, not WordPerfect, not Drivers....
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why didn't Zevlag ask a question?
He also didn't give a response.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Was that an answer or a comment?
What the..
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm the Dark Knight, I'm BATMAN!
That happens every once in awhile. That's normal for all guys, right? RIGHT?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Um.... your facial hair is blue.
Only the newest of the newbies!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Who in their right minds would want to start an invisible thread?
You've hit the nail on the head, master.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Igor, as you know im blind and im hanging this picture of my great aunt up. Where did i put the nail?
Obviously, you've never been in love
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
With the hammer I use not hands, said Yoda.
(Darn, another Simo Post. Hmm, how should I change my question?)
The force is strong, young one. No force in galaxy, as strong, said Yoda.
My Yoda has a first name.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should i just refer to him as master jedi?
Obviously, you've never been in love.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I think women are great.
Who let the bioengineered dog out?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Woof, Woof, I say old man--Woof.
A talking dog is better than a talking frog.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...what was your main point in the Kermit the Frog/Goofy debate?
Oh...no, I was talking about the breakfast cereal.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Although my esteemed opponent in this debate maybe argue otherwise, I think it is quite evident that the merits of the speech endowed upon reptiles by Science far outweighs those endowed upon my fellow canines. However, my personal opinion is of no consequence. Therefore, I ask you to listen to the rebutal of my opponent and judge for yourselves:
Can this thing go any faster?
(Arrghh!! All of my efforts wasted!)
(just ignore my post, I'm too spent to correct it)
(oh good, you took so long coming up with a reply that you did, I'm glad)
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 22, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You touched his lucky charms?!
The hell with your spoiled baby! I need those shoes!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
We'll buy your Air Jordans, eventually...but first, I need to buy formula and a new blanket for Johnny, okay?
Apes. Big hairy apes.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, how does Frisco spell "kinky?"
Footloose and fancy free.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats are 2 good movies to cuddle up with my sweetheart?
Well, obviously I need floozies
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you have bad breath? Are your teeth browner than dirt? Well friends, let me tell you about the newest in Oral Gums that clean teeth, freshen breath, and give you that-mmm, mmm feelings. I'm talking New FLOOZIES by ronco.
Independent Research isnt.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Is all research made up?
(low blow by the way)
Blackmail is just an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So Mr. President, we either agree to support your Homeland Security Department or you'll have us all listed as enemy combatants and shipped off to pens in Cuba? Isn't that blackmail?
(I expect some comments on that joke.) (Sorry T-Smith, nothing personal. But...)
I just go with what they throw to me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what's the secret of being a successful trained seal?
Antihistamines, a butane lighter, and aluminum foil.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, this superhero of yours, Ordinary-Household-Items Man, does he have any special equipment?
It reminds me of James Bond.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Why do you have a big flying car stuffed in your garage?
My subscription to Nerds & Geeks weekly was canceled.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mr Bush, why the long face?
(dan, excellent question to my answer) (no offense taken from that one question either)
Its like theres a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How can you be shunned by Bill Gates?
(AS a Dare)
A cigarette, rest between her lips but I'm starin at her tits, it's the wrong way.
*smacks friend for making her does this, in order to get something from him* BRIBERY MUST BE STOPPED!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Quick, tell me: what you've been smoking, what youve been doing, and where you are going?
Its like theres a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
SO, vanila coke...
I'd say they have a one in three chance if they can lay their hands on the ultimate Gabazo
Hobbes
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
What are the odds he Indy can get the Frisbee of Doom from the Skypalace of the Ancients?
No, Scooby, that's the wrong drain!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Scooby-Dobby-DOOOOOOOOO
It is a large metal object with three pointed sticks ermerging from its center at an angle of pi/2
Hobbes
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What did you get from the Adam & Eve catalog?
Defense against the dark arts.
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
What's the best class to take for a budding dark arts wizard?
almond cookies shaped like millipedes.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
And you knew your son was crazy when he said what again?
A helicopter, and a gas mask.
Hobbes
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
What are we gonna need in France?
That isn't very likely.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I am to sexy for my clothes
Is so!
Hobbes
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
There is no way you can be right about anything. No. Not even a little. Uh uh. No way.
Freud would be pleased.
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited July 23, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
A penis shaped cigar?
On the bright side, I repel stray cats.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Okay, so you say that on your dark side, you collect lint. What about the other side?
I need the driver's side door to a '57 BelAir.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Why did you tell the mechanic your 57' BelAir was stripped?
Because I needed the extra room in the space between the walls.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Why is all your furniture glued to the ceiling?
Well yes, Bob, but in a way, they are all CARP songs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there some reason you keep posting this everywhere?
LOL
Discount golf.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What is round and explodes when you strike it?
Under my skin.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where did you hide your beauty for so long?
Flutes, a banjo, and a washtub bass.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Due to federal aid cutbacks, the philharmonic now consists of....
Phil from the Philly Philharmonic.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does Puxatawnee Phil do after Groundhog day?
The Borscht Belt.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What did the German astronomers call the Milky Way?
(somehow, their candy bar never really took off)
It can fit in the palm of my hand.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell us about the love of your life.
To be me, or not to be me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are you going to call your essay about highschool?
Around here we call it "borrowing"
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Uh... isn't that type of "accounting" just a fancy way of stealing money from investors?
Sit on it.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Doesn't it hurt when you sleep on that bed? The one made of nails?
I was just snackin on a frisbee.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What the..??? THere's something beter than that you know or you have the mind of a dog?
Never smile when being kissed and when you see the person that attempted after a few years don't try and show your wild side in front of the wife.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey Ichikara, would you mind translating that into English from Japanese?
It's either the pig or the sheep.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I'm sorry to hear your girlfriend dumped you, what's next?
I'm afraid to say, Jimmy the Insomnia Mushroom said he wouldn't give me the key to the magical kingdom of Alderon if I told anyone.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Wow, what's your secret to preparing these lovely mushroom pops?
Well, maybe, but only after a good flogging.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, when we catch him, do you think we should treat Osama humanely?
I've got good teeth.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's that necklace made of?
He thpeakth with a lithp.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited July 24, 2002).]
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
What's Arnold Schwarzenegger like when he's not acting?
Why, September 4th my friend!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Do you want your million dollars on Sept 4th this year or never?
That and 50 cents might buy you a cup of coffee.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
I have sixty dollars, you wanna go to Starbucks?
I go where I want to go.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you peeing in my bowling trophy?
I stuffed her in a cardboard box.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
I wonder what the contortionist did? (I was wondering when you'd realize what I said)lol..(I changed it only because it wouldn't be the same if I juts did that...oh nvm)
Harder Better Faster Stronger.
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited July 24, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited July 24, 2002).]
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
<drill sergant voice>What am I compared to you?</voice>
Oh, I wouldn't know, I just got back from Maui.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Mr. Dan Quayle, what did you think of Hawaii?
Aloha Hoi.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We interupt this regularly scheduled post to ask Maet to please go edit his post about the raper (sic).
That's really not something to joke about.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Yes....it's rapIST. Please edit.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
<---just realized that he was the implied rapist.
Maybe you should edit the whole question...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You say you learned Hawaiian AND Yiddish?
I'm Henry VIII, I am.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, you murdered 3 of your wives, divorced 2 and exiled the rest, who do you think you are?
You feel up my senses, Like a knife in the forest.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey everybody, thanks for coming to the first meeting of the John-Denver-loving-future-serial-killers-of-America Club. Who wants to start us off with an original lyric?
When I say she was toasted, I mean she was toasted with a capital 'T'.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Where're you going with that huge butterknife?
Yeah, those were the days...
Posted by Amorphous (Member # 3838) on :
Remember that time I bought a gigantic rubber chicken and then I beat you with it and forced you to listen to christian rock?
I just feel like I don't know you anymore, you gigantic carrot colored fetus.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
You're breaking up with me? Is it because I speak in backwards sanskrit in my sleep?
Cream Cheese and Toast!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
All we've got left in the kitchen is cream cheese and crap, or cream cheese and toast. What'll you have?
I'm sure she said it, but I don't believe she knows what she's talking about.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, she finally said she loves you?
Puritans, Quakers, and Atheists.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What was the name of that new ethnic law firm?
Compassion and obsession
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are the two types of conservatives working for our president?
That is a real Houdini Who Done it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you think about my new novel, "A Murder at a Magicians Conference"?
Pork fried rice and a 40oz Mad Dog 20/20.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was the original "Breakfast of Champions?"
Dune Buggies.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
No, I haven't finished Exodus. How does Joshua's family escape Egypt?
It's deeper than a spoon, but not by much.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
Oh, Frisco...tell me again about your love for me...
I think I said "aphids".
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"Its not a lie. I never tell you any fibs." said John. Mary responded, "No, I said....
(Double posted. Darn)
A horse, a horse of course.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 25, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey wilbur, what does your wife look like again?
Hey wait a minute, thats MY hotel on Park Place.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
This hotel looks so familiar. Are you sure we left Atlantic City, or are we going in circles?
Putting the keg in the tuba and drinking from it like a funnel looked good at the time.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
A Proctologist: So tell me, how did you get the poodle stuck in there?
I stack up, baby!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's Ralphie's second favorite phrase?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Are you really a CIA agent?
5 minutes- 4 hours can't = to 1 year with someone dear.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Steven Mahaluk, you've just been awarded the "Worst Mathematician in America" award. Do you have anything to say to the romantics out there?
46-23-33
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I was one of the vote counters in Florida. Want to hear me count? 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 19,...
I know the way to San Jose.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Do you know how to get to the Food Castle?
SNAFU!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Snaf me? Snaf me you say? Well.....
Everybody to the conference room.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Um, Raven could you step out into the hall with me? I have a rash on by butt and i want to know if you'll...
I'll take what's behind door number 3.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Would you like an aeroplane, infinite wealth, or the moldy bread behind the refrigerator that we call 'door number 3'?
Crikey! This one's a dilly-whacker!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you putting that lobster down your pants?
its a symbol of freedom
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Sir, please, put your pants on... WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT?!
Sully, Petey, my jacket.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Um, President Bush sir, um...Agent Sullivan and I here can't help but notice that you are completely naked. We're almost at the station now. Before you go on, do you mind if I ask, what are you going to wear on national TV?
It only hurts when I slurp.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
You say you've experienced a burning sensation in your stomach?
Cold fleece.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why didn't Jason marry Medea?
(not only a bad pun, but an obscure one)
I thought I heard something.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
And why do you have a giant salmon, my prized antique cabinet and the Boys Junior Varisty team in the living room at 3 am?
(Excellent, Jehovoid)
Call me Ishmael! Or Thomas, either one's cool.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So how does your novel Moby Dork begin?
Golf lessons.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
So, what did you do before you became the Grim Reaper?
The NASDAQ
Posted by Julian Delphiki (Member # 2015) on :
If you could rid the world of one evil, what would it be?
all that lemony goodness
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Which is tastier: a large strawberry cake, or lemon fresh pine sol?
Narf!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would you say if I told you I wanted to take over the world?
A saguaro cactus in the shape of Elvis.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
And the question is "What does your soul look like?"
Mace me, officer! Mace me now!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
And sarge, get this- Then she says "
Three paper clips, a hunk of cheese, a piece of metal, a banana, two white mice, a kosher hot dog, twenty rubber bands, and a loooong pipe.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's in your survival kit?
I packed hamsters. Ohhhhhhhhh no.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Isn't that portrait of great great great grandfather supposed to not have holes in it already? You just got it restored!
Se si puede.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey you, creepy spanish looking kid. Can you speaka the english?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey you, creepy spanish looking kid. Can you speaka the english?
shes a lady
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
After the thorough strip search you gave Marth Stewart, what did you discover that was so unexpected?
Hungy, hungry hippos
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
After the thorough strip search you gave Marth Stewart, what did you discover that was so unexpected?
Only if you insist.
(Edited for my brain fart.)
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited July 28, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Mrs. Stewart. Are you up to being strip searched again?
Enron and World Com.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I need more synonyms for 'bomb', all I have is 'Reign of Fire' and 'Scooby Doo: The Movie', what else can you suggest?
Shave me, but hold me tight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Scooby doo, is it alright if we give you a little bit of a hair cut?
When I saw what I saw, I was stunned.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, you opened your eyes and that's when you were hit with a Tazer?
A needlepoint of Elvis in Blue Hawaii.
Posted by wordman (Member # 1307) on :
So what did you give her instead of a diamond?
An oil change would be nice.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is a good pick up line between robots?
Fudge it! Fudge it!
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Oh no! My cake has dropped below 42% maximum deliciousness factor! What will I ever do?!
Flaming Homer.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who wrote the gay version of The Iliad?
Just call me the lord of english food!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why do most people you serve end up with rat poisoning?
If I go to the Underworld I'm taking you with me, ya' hear!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Will you quit stalling and sacrifice yourself to satan?
so thats why theres a birds nest in my car
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 28, 2002).]
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Crikey! Did you see that eagle fly out of that Coupe?!
I just snagged me a flower power belt.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So son, have you enjoyed fishing in Hippy Lake?
Satan told me to.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Wow Johnny, I'm so proud of you. You've really worked hard at overcoming your dyslexia--you're doing great. Also, this past year you always watch out, you almost never cry, I never see you pout...you've been so good--can you tell me why?
I just love bar-be-que'd pork rinds and Fresca.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, are you enjoying the Orchard 7th Ward picnic?
In the place of a dark lord, you will have a queen!!!
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I just don't see why we have to dress Lord Fwambo in a gown! Why?
Noodles. Oodles of noodles.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
So it wasn't the runs... What was it?
Do rats have wheels?
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Who's the moron who posts double questions?
But he just walked into my fist.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Wow, did you see that moron who posts double questions? His face was beaten to a bloody pulp. Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with that?
At least you thought you wanted it.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why did you give me a banana? I dont want a banana.
caraboose caraboose, you will do the fandango.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's a Queen to do?
Passion fruit.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
If you were a plant? You'll be a ......
All the frickin time!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How much of the frickin time would you like?
Greased Twinkies!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why are my Twinkies keep on slipping from my hand? Stop darn it!
Some men can be evil, that I don't deny.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I can't believe that guy put anchovies on his pizza. What's up with that?
Argyle socks! It's gotta be argyle socks!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Your willing to trade 10,000 shares of Worldcom Stock for what?
Shoes and shirts are optional.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
So, Lisa Urbanski, what do you love most about the exciting world of competetive ballroom dancing?
Yes, but only on a Thursday when the moon is in line with Venus.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Aren't you afraid Alien Vampires are going to eat your brain?
Four score and 7 parties ago!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When did you and Martha Stewart first "Score" with each other? Wink wink, nudge nudge.
Its Monty Python's Flying Circus
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Dan, I know it's just five little words; but before we go any further, I need to hear them from you.
Virtual pool.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Wait, I thoght we were having a pool party, where are all the chicks and water?
Sleep, merciful sleep.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the first thing you think of when your teacher shows a movie in class?
Penalty kick!
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
You can't resign, Dick! How would they break tie votes in the Senate?
[silence]
[This message has been edited by HonoreDB (edited July 29, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Helen Keller, are you just going to sit there and ignore me?!
Killing me softly.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 29, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's one song you'll never hear at a Viking funeral?
I pledge allegiance...
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Bob--I assume you have never read Everworld, in which a modern teenager deeply moves a group of Vikings with just that song.
Jehovoid--In thanks for picking up the ball I dropped, I'm editing my post to make you look less clever.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
:::Year 2025::: Do you remember that poem we used to say in school? You know the one about a flag and God and all...
"But officer, I didn't know the monkey was wearing a toupe!"
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
All right, all right, do you know how illegal it is to be transporting bald monkeys into America from Baldania?! You could do some serious jail time for this.
Spoon me up another mush-full of love, Nurse!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Be a good patient and lie back down. You'd better take a chill pill with a cup of shut-the-hell-up before I open a can of whoop-ass and...what did you say?
Funny, it was in my pocket the whole time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
::sings:: Baby, baby. Where did our love go?
I could've sworn this was the offramp for Alpha Centauri.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Wait, now we're in Minnesota, did we take a wrong turn at Albaquerque?
Slam the Robot down and help me kill this alien dinosaur.
[This message has been edited by Mister Spim (edited July 30, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What did you want me to do again?
Remember the graffiti, we are your children coming in with spray cans of paint.
Posted by martha (Member # 141) on :
Just who do you think you are?
This is not graffiti.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What does that graffiti say?
That isn't the way this was supposed to work. Let's give it another go.
Why do you keep following me around with that raincoat on?
its about time
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why do you like Back the the Future so much?
I hear voices in my head, and they don't like you.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Why're you being so mean to me?!
I'm afraid of spider-men.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Arachnohomophobia? Afraid of gay spiders?
Africa.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
I chose the road less traveled, and now where the heck am I?
My state of mind is located somewhere between the Bermuda Triangle and Timbucktoo.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
You are standing in the middle of the intersection, but just where is your mind?
Designer genes
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I can't decide, should I try the genetic engineering place, or just go natural?
Don't steal my heart, I'll give it to you.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
<pointing gun> I need heart surgery and need it now! Would you mind laying down on that table over there?
Oh, I get it. Its a joke.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
We thought it would be funny to kidnap your family and then use make-up to make them look like they'd been severely beaten and then take pictures of them and send them to your house with a ransom note and then get our cop friend to come over and say there's really nothing you can do about it so you might as well sell everything you own to pay back the ransom and then when you show up at the drop off spot in the park at midnight to beat you with a baseball bat and take the money and then when you wake up in the hospital to be there and yell, "Surprise!"
I think it's a little long.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How did you like Ben Hur?
Thats what you get for using a statement.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
So, how do you feel after the surgery?
Give back the chicken. It's done nothing to you.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Colonal Sanders while holding a chicken: Do you REALLY want to know where the nuggets come from?
Not my fault im a fast typer.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that 100 wpm before or after subtracting for typos?
Windows 3.1, buggy whips, and steam locomotives.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are a few of your favorite things?
I havent yet begun to loot!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you using that tool in reverse?
A BIC lighter.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
There I was, lying momentarilly dead on the surgery table, when I was drawn to the light. "Come to the light" this voice called, so I did. When I got there, do you know what I found?
Smoke gets in my eyes.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why dont you come over and join everyone else in a good round of "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore?"
Im not all that surprised.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear that John Ashcroft wants to outlaw the Macarena as he believes its is a AlQuida inspired threat to national security?
You are trying to seduce me.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Hot Dog, or Keilbasa?
Sometimes, I get the menstraul cramps real hard.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Will you hand me that gerbil and tube of Astro-glide?
Show me the bunny!
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Would you be interested in hosting an episode of Teletubbies, Mr. Seinfeld?
Either. But obviously not both.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you like starcraft or warcraft 3?
Wait a minute, you're not the pizza guy, you're that sneaky shark!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Would you like to add anchovies to that medium Hawaiian?
Professional courtesy.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
British Teatime?
Parents raise their family not the father or mother alone.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Mae, why do platypuses seem so much happier than humans?
That's why I use birth control.
[This message has been edited by DeathofBees (edited July 30, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Britney Spears, Micheal Jackson, even I was a baby once, the result of the union of two loving people.
Love and lust are not mutually exclusive.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I still don't get why you keep that old dog around, it's so old and you live in a small house, why not get it put to sleep?
That does not reflect my actual views.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Okay Mr. Kaczynski, it has taken me 4 weeks, but I finally finished reading your entire manifesto. Can we discuss it now?
If you're in doubt, don't look at me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Dr. Kevorkian, should I really go through with this?
We could just say it was a draw.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd all that water get here?
Kick the bucket.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, while you were growing up in Texas, did you play any games when you were a kid?
I had no idea he was in ballet.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Hey, take a look at The Rock's resume! Isn't it hilarious?
Hold me down while you spray me with orange juice.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to see Robin Hood: Men in Tights?
Penguins or pelicans...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So mom, what options are there for dinner?
The eye of the Tiger
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Hey, this play dough is cool! Where did you get it?
Spark me up my lighter of love!!!
-Paul
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What did the infatuated cannonball say to the flame?
You signed your name.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
So wait, what did I do when I was drunk? And what are all these ponies in thongs doing here?!
I own your face, bought it from a crack dealer down in Newark.
-Paul
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Smokie told me you bought my face.
Gee, officer, I'd like to, but...
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
All right, why don't you pull down your pants, walk forward in a straight line quacking like a duck and making loud sniffy noises? Also, put this cat on your face.
(Ok, there was a post in between mine and Fossils...)
Fornication!
-Paul
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what sin have you come to confess about today?
Thats just creepy.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you see this picture of Geoff Card from Endercon?
It's my system.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Why are you putting those ducks in the filing cabinet?!
Save my bonnet!
-Paul
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that your tam on the lam?
Purely platonic.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
So what's been happening between you and that sheep? I hear you two are a pretty hot couple.
Sex with farm animals is bad.
-Paul
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
And what did you learn from all of this?
It was a real kick in the back of the throat.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What was it like swallowing all those bite-sized horses?
I'd like to reiterate: SEX WITH FARM ANIMALS IS BAD!
-Paul
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Man, don't you love mutton?
Vorbiti?
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Do you know any romanian words?
Dip me in Jell-o and place my naked, trembling body on a linoleum floor, then ride like the wind.
-Paul
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
If I don't shoot you, how do I know you won't call the police on me before I can skip town?
Yes, it hurts, but it's a good kind of hurt.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Isn't Karaoke Music painful?
I've Gotta be ME!!!
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Why don't you change your name to Francis Fannison, get a sex change and fly around the country giving speaches about women's empowerment?
Wham, Bam, Van Damme!
-Paul
Posted by Aerin (Member # 3902) on :
What's the sound of a made-up action hero falling over in shock that Paul made a post that didn't obsess with sex?
The roses died three days ago.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What are you doing this weekend?
Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car, I'm afraid we have detected anthrax spores in it, so could you please slowly open the door and move out?
Don't fear the reaper, man, fear his sickle, that thing's nasty!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know that The Grim Reaper can suck out your sould with his mouth?
Geoff Card is going to kill him for that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear that Thor thought Geoff Card and Celia were the same person?
Lurkers never prosper.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I turn my hydralisks into lurkers, or keep them the same?
Spaz!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
If you could describe Dan_Raven in one word, what would it be.
I am amazed that anyone could reach that conclusion.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do people think im a spaz?
Dan_raven of course
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Does someone need to buy a clue?
That's just what I was thinking.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Theres a conspiracy against dan, isnt there?
Wow, thats pretty cool.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
I was just thinking, would it be ok to use insulting Dan_raven as a basis for all my posts?
Please, no one needs that mental image.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I just heard dan went skinny dipping at the pudding factory.
I feel your pain.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I am hurt and so upset by this viscious attack that I stick my tongue out to you all. (Simo Post, but it works so it stays.)
Somedays I'm just silly.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Do you usually spell names so poorly?
No good deed goes unpunished.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do I have to do to get you to spank me? (And yes Celia60, I do. Sorry)
Just for that I will go home now.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know celia and I planned that?
Apple pie.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What am I thinking about right now?
Seriously, you are now forgiven. You have made me laugh.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Who's your girlfriend?
Eat the cow off the windowsil.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know i can do anything i am dared to do?
I dont know what to say
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Hey! Do you want to see the warts on my genitals?!
Let there be light... And there was light... and it burned...
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How did your science project go?
An F250 quadcab.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What the heck fell on you?
Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
I think you've been very mature lately, how did you manage such a great change? Hey, did you steal my lipstick?
Here in my car, I feel safest of all.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Where did you have your prostate exam?
Call this number.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What do I do if I am feeling... <aba>like a wooman?
Snog the French!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do you recommend we do, Lance Armstrong?
I need an old priest and a young priest.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Pope! I can't believe you have gone this long without a girlfriend, you must certainly be devout, but how can you possibly live life without fullfilling your carnal needs?
A rabbi, a priest and a Reverand walk into a bar.
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited August 01, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did the Rabbi, the Preist and the Reverend get bumps on their heads?
I have returned.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
No fair! Didn't you have your turn already?
I decided it's time...got to move on now.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
General Mann, all the troops are ready. Let us know when we should begin the assault on the National Organization of Women.
Peace now or I'll shoot.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What are you doing with that ferret?
Edy's Ice Cream
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Ewww, what is this crap?
NO! Get out of there.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Have you heard the word of peanut butter gerbils?
Die, Filthy infidels! Let the streets run red with blood!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you think master satan would want us to say at a time like this?
Stupid Big Brother 3.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hey, they're building a Disney Store in our city! What will we ever do?
Yeah, so we skinned the game warden. Coulda done worse, ya know.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What did you get George Bush for his birthday?
Gurps stands for "Generic Universal Role Playing System" *pushes up glasses*
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're with the Gay Urban Rock, Paper, Scissors club?
Not right now, I'm watching Gilligan's Island.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Hey Eddie, wanna go clubbing in San Fransico? I got the ferrets and grease!
Hey, I'm sorry, I guess I just forgot!
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited August 01, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why didn't you go to you wedding? Trying to act out Flubber?
Whoa dude whoa!!
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Did you know that the beluga whale weight 42 tons and is 50 feet long? Did you know that a velocerraptor had claws that could tear through metal? Did you know that the fastest pitch ever was thrown at 200 mph by a guy on PCP? Did you know that I didn't take my ritalin today? Did you know-
Pie. Fine. Pie.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Guess what I made today? Do you mind if I eat some? Whats the spanish word for boot?
the 7th sense
Posted by Stanlie (Member # 3333) on :
How did you know I took your cookie?
Pink napkins and a peach.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What two things can we splice to get the softest, fuzziest surface in the world?
Not cool.
[so unfair]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear about the new Hatrack movie, where this kid goes around saying, I post to Dead people. Its called The Seventh Sense. What do you call it when three people post at the same time.
Momma needs a new pair of shoes.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
And you are?
Lunatic are ruling the world.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why are all these people posting to the same answer?
I need to borrow this.
(edit: I'm stupid, but cool)
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you stealing my wallet?
she takes my breath away
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can we finally get away from the "barefoot and pregnant" model of womanhood?
Sheltered life.
OH well, that was to Dan's post...
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do we all have in common here at begging the question?
i blame my fingers
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
why are you all thumbs?
it's just a game.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Dont you know that if no one posts here I have nothing to do until someone does?!?!?!
i didnt know where i was going.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did the losing Aztec ball team say immediately prior to their beheading?
Well shoot!
edit: ARRRGGGHHHH it happened again!
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh my God! The mutant water wells are coming! What do I do with this gun?
(very smart, Bob)
That was lame.
Posted by Stanlie (Member # 3333) on :
After the shootout at Rose's Cantina, I jumped on a horse and tried to ride, but THAT HORSE REFUSED. Why?
Peanut butter always goes well with fishcakes.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Peanut butter is the natural enemy of chocolate? I thought peanut butter was the natural enemy of fish cakes.
Stop, in the name of love.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I kill you now, or kill you later?
Thats not right
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
After a VERY long night at our ballroom dancing lessons, what was the last thing I said before attempting to strangle my partner?
Plug it in.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Glade or Wizard?
I didn't think so either.
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I don't think this is very funny. Do you?
Porkpie hats.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is The Brain's favorite fashion accesory?
One lump.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the punishment for simoposting here?
One is better than two.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
So, how many rabid minkies should I attach to your genitals?
Hahahaha! My Nakedmoleratjitsu will defeat your Goldfish Flight Technique!!!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
So, whats up with the new Pokemon I heard about? THere's a new edition right?
Get high.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Now that you have won the award for best role model for youths, what are you going to do now?
I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Anderson.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
How would you like me to shove that red pill up your _ _ _ ?
Sex is definitely not like pizza.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Man... sex is like... like... like pizza! It's not good unless you get toppings. Right?
That was a stupid question.
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
What the worst answer ever?
Baby seals are surprisingly vicious.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So why did you quit your good work with the World Wildlife Fund?
Thank you for your donation.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
I would like to give your foundation this, a shoe full of vomit. What do you say?
Now THAT's an offer!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
I'm Bob, with Empire Auto Glass. If you'll let us fix your cracked or dinged windshield, I'll give you this 24 karat diamond pendant necklace and 12 free dinners to Shari's restaurant, which serves delicious food and pies all day, every day. How about it? Will you let us fix your windshield?
I've always preferred diamonds.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I had the jeweler set my preserved left pinky toe in the engagement ring.
I like what you've done with the kitchen.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
And here is where we cast 'polymorph other' to turn this room into a work of art! So, what do you say we go and see the dining room?
I am the Spambot 2000, give me your children and muenster cheese!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Do you remember that guy who wanted to use an octagon field to play baseball?
Sometimes it's just outta synch.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
*plays an N'Sync tape* What do you say?
Puns suck.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
What's the 3984th surname, in alphabetical order, that's referenced in the second volume of the 1840 Illinois Census?
We work hard, oh yes, we do.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh? The little immigrant children already know a bit of English? Well, what can they say?
(Honore, that's so over the top)
(and funny)
I'm chopped liver.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You look like a big pile of poop. What is that costume anyway?
Please refrain from using that kind of language.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What the *bleep*?!?
Kids can be cute but more annoying.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's your impression of some of these newbies around Hatrack?
(If there was another option, I would have taken it.)
Golf.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Is there anything more boring than watching molassas drip?
It's one of those hyphen things.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
African-American? How can you subtract two words from each other?
Tiger goes for the birdie putt... Oh! He's tackled by Tony Siragusa. That will definately hurt his chances of keeping the lead. What a play!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did they change the name of the sport to Golfball?
Oh, he just steals in your mind and leads you into good shituations.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Wait, what is that guy doing with that scalpel?
Cranberries? I SAID BOSENBERRIES!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you seen Halley's Berrys?
(okay, I know it has nothing to do with Paul's post, but I thought it was funny...)
An ergonomic pillow.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Is that a huge breast implant?
Snakes! LOTS OF SNAKES!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey Mr. Snake Charmer, is that a python in your pants, or are you just really happy to see me?
Only in the late evening...or the mid-late evening...or the early-mid-late evening...but never at dusk.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, claytonia, when do you like to watch Steve Martin stand-up?
You have excellent references.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What do you think about onanism?
Augh! No more!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How many more "Halloween" sequels will you be watching?
The third time's the charm.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What did she tell you after the second condom ripped?
Look at the way it swings.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
How can you tell if a monkey is gay?
Smear the jam on the cat and let's get to perpetual motion!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What do you have to say about what you learned in phsyics today?
Greasy pits of cat hair in my soup.
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
Hi, you are playing Sentence Fragment-HO! Chess, you're up next - what is your fragment? Oh, and this better be good, or I'm going to kill you.
Please take your hand out of my pants.
[This message has been edited by Nylph (edited August 05, 2002).]
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
How about we go get some ice cream, "friend"?
Yes sir, we have your new best "friend" right here, will that be cash or check?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Has my new mail-order bride arrived yet? I'm getting rather horny.
Yes, but that doesn't mean that I'm gay.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Have you ever danced with the devil in the gray moonlight?
I'm batman darn it.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Sir, will you please come down? We can't have people hanging from the rooftops with no pants on.
No! Bad Cardinal, no reacharound!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"Well Ozzie Smith, what do you want to do now that you've made it into Baseball's Hall Of Fame?" asked the cute TV personality. Her next words were....
Baseball, Hot Dogs, and Apple Pie
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What classifies America as America?
It comes tomorrow.
Posted by Lisa Kane (Member # 3928) on :
When will the end of the world come?
Three elephants, a mongoose and a large sock with a brick in it
[This message has been edited by Lisa Kane (edited August 05, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whoa whoa whoa, how did you manage to cross breed an elephant and a mongoose.
Obi-wan is a dude, not some space chick.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Is that a girl underneath all of that hair??
This is odd.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What are you doing? Why aren't you getting that ferret, hypodermic needle, flaming homer, dog hair, sneeze-guard and marmalade I asked for?
Snorkel for Jesus, maaaan.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did Jettboy say when he heard the recent news of a new church whose services are held entirely underwater?
Chicken sausages and a bicycle built for two.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was scared out of their skin, and how did they escape?
A business card and a medium-sized soda.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
So are their any prerequisits for this job?
Take fifty-two. Action!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
May we have our break now?? It's been 51 times!!
Blah blah blah blah = interesting conversation
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, I've finished translating these ancient scrolls...except for this chapter with the three busty Egyptian women and the Pyramid boy. It translates, roughly, to "blah blah blah blah". I wonder what these women do to Pyramid boy?
IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, I hear the Church is taking up donations in honor of the feast day of Dermititus, patron saint of the dry-skinned, eh Father?
Submit Now.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
I've got you all dressed in leather, tied to a ferret and hung upside down, what are you going to say when Bubba comes in here and says, "What do you want to do now?"
I'm wicked and I'm lazy. Oooooh, don't you want to save me?
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
Talk about stewing in your own juices.
NO! It's not what you think. Really.
[This message has been edited by Nylph (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why do you have all these Yanni CDs and posters, and what's this?! Yanni videos?!
Only if you paid me.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Do you think $1,000,000 would get you and any person of your choice in bed?
Sorry, I didn't see that.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Is that a boa constrictor in your pants?
Fling the SUV across the world!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We can kill the plague of Slimey Ugly Germs that have infested the world, but how do we get the vaccine (Slimey Ugly Vaccine--SUV) to everyone fast enough?
This calls for Slimey the Disgusting.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
But how can we fling the SUV across the world?
If it weren't for the imbalance, he'd be a happy, well-adjusted member of society.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What does the defense have to say in response to the allegations that the defendant slaughtered 32 children, 4 women, an old man, and 14 kittens?
Plastics! It's the wave of the future!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why would you make an artificial hand that goes back and forth?
Wave all five fingers please.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So, you think we should start seeing other people?
Let me check my calendar.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
*hissing voice in phone* I'll be there... wherever you will be on Thursday at noon... Do you know who I am?
Augh! You hath stabbed mine libido!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Methinks "libido" is a stupid name for a cat! It must die!
What in the hell for?
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Congratulations! You've just won $30,000,000 dollars.
Bee-Bop, Dew Drop, and Dork Boy.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Your mom named your brothers WHAT?
Thinks the 70's freeloving society is coming back to life.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you think about sex in the new millinium?
The romano family will own you for asking that.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
When are you going to sell to the King family, Romano?
The Romano family curse, bad pizza...
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What are the new-age mafia bosses using to kill their enemies?
The Valentine's Day Massacre was really just a big, "Oops".
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Where were you going with all those guns and whiskey last 2/14?
Scratch my face, big man!
Posted by kazairl (Member # 3945) on :
Has my beard got too long to kiss you?
I said they were mad, they said I was mad, and dammit, they outvoted me!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So how did your talk with Sybil go?
Vote for the correct person, not the right person.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Vote Bush or Gore?
Fudge Clams!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Has the motto for the mafia game proven itself wrong?
You binded with me! Thoust shall stay!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did that Guttenberg fellow say when you helped him build that printing press and that Bible thingy he wanted put together?
Physical exertion is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Guess what my psychologist said about my backyard wrestling ring?
To hot to be shown on TV...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey! What happened to the weather report for the Southwest?
Orange marmalade, a mild purgative, and a flower lei.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Hey, this reminds me of a MacGuyver episode. I can make a bomb, place it at the bottom of the rockslide and detonate it. We'll be out of this cave in no time. So...what do I have to work with?
It was nothing a little mouth-to-mouth couldn't solve.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, after I left with Megan, did you manage to fix your date with Heather? (if these are anybodys names i didnt know, i just thought of them)
Michael Jackson vs Mickaully Caulkin (sp)
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Judge: "Please read the next matter to come before this court."
It's my topic, and I just don't think you belong here.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So what are you planning on telling me on your thread?
Dont forget to smile when you ask the President that question.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Boxers or Briefs?
tighty whitey.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What's with all the sheets?
hick convention
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where can I get a good hickey?
Be nice or don't be here.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Honey, you know I hate the French seaside! Why did you drag me down here?
Ooh! La, la!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what exactly did you say during the panty raid?
It tastes like crap.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Here! Taste this baked crap!
Ralphie wears sandals!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did I just see Ralphie go by in a pair of 6 foot platform shoes?
Eat it dang it!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What is this flaming whale carcass doing here?
From every crevice.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
AHHHH WHERE ARE THESE BEETLES COMING FROM?!?
You cant do that without feeding me a hotdog.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well my Korean friend, do you want desert?
Oh, Canada.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Its cold, its white, and I just saw a hockey puck fly past me. Where in the world are we?
Write me a new page.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Muahahahahaha 1500th post.
Does a little dance.
[This message has been edited by jebus202 (edited August 08, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What does santa clause do when he hears Jingle Bell Rock?
Show off.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Show me what you use to combat West Nile Virus.
I think its West Nile.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where did you send the 4000 nuclear warheads?!
Jingle Balls.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What's a bagpiper's favorite Christmas tune?
I'm dead sexy!
[This message has been edited by DeathofBees (edited August 08, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the number one Necrophilia pickup line?
I'm too sexy for my hair.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why did you shave your head?
It's all about the money, baby.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Bill Gates is writing a book about the child he is making out of new twenty dollar bills.
A pun is a terrible thing to waste.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why have some of these thread not been deleted yet?
Who's that girl flying around up there with the beard and the tattoos?
Tattoo me big boy.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
What did the scotsman say to papamoose?
can't sleep, the clowns will get me...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats with all the caffine?
Yeah, he started it a few minutes ago.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I heard Ses Adoms's brain went on the fritz, so he ordered one of those ACME home lobotomy kits. Did you hear about that?
It's not just for newbies anymore.
Posted by Ses Adoms (Member # 1950) on :
Yup.
Dang thing didn't come with instructions though.
Posted by Ghost Of Maethoriell (Member # 3969) on :
Will I ever understand the opposite sex???
I'll be back..
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We smuggled this horse costume into prison. Now, do you want to be the front end of the horse or the back?
Hey folks, lets give the prison a break.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Should we send Martha Stewart to prison?
and to think I trusted you!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
I just picked-up your chainmail underwear from the cleaners. Do they look smaller to you?
TTFN.. Tah Tah for now!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
At this time in your life, what is it that you look for in a good female friend?
Tater Tots are my favorite.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You eat children for breakfast? Whose?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What can we do to defeat the Monsterous Anger of the bows and arrows?
I suggest an anger management course.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you deliberately trying to kill this thread???
Yes, to my everlasting shame.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
To whom should I send these pictures of a naked Martha Stewart?
This idea seems to be loosing appeal.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What do you think of the Ad for making your own orange juice?
It's a naked Viking!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who should play Thor in the upcoming movie version of Ender's Game?
Diesel, Vin Diesel.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Your car runs on a combination of diesel and acetic acid? What do they call the fuel for that thing?
Yeah...we had to use all seven rolls of duct tape, though.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you have fun on your honeymoon?
Oh, there's the hamster.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
#What is that moving in your pants?
The tides of darkness
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Man...what'll I use to get these darn grass stains out of my jeans?
It was powerful and gripping.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
#What is that moving in your pants?
So I'm a copy cat.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
You managed to make an exact replica of Michalangelos David, but what's with all the paw prints?
Not to good, Billy Joe.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How did you do on that English quiz, Sally Jane?
That's one funky dude!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
You managed to make an exact replica of Michalangelos David, but what's with all the paw prints?
So I'm a copy cat
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm a copy cat.
A long, hot bath......
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What's a good cure for Noobitus?
Eat the pie!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I've hidden the secret message in this number I've taken out to 400 places. Noone will think to check it for a code, but if they do, do you know what you must do Agent .314?
Algebra and Geometry are good examples.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what are some of the key elements in this secret weapon you're developing to use against Britney Spears?
I was one of the Bee Gees.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so gibb all the time?
Perfectly acceptable behavior...for a baboon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of my new dance?
Zsa Zsa's Papa did the Cha Cha with Raja.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
When Boutros Boutros Ghali ordered the Mahi-Mahi and Yo Yo Ma had the Couscous, what was happening by the bandstand?
That was a lulu!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Who was that?
When pigs fly...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When should I wear this special titanium hardhat and gasmask combination?
When OSC posts on this thread.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Will you marry me?
If only I could find my pants...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You snuck into my room thinking I was my sister and your not running away?
Poor Faramir.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Man...your spelling is really bad. What did your father do for a living, again?
It was really dark...but I HEARD everything.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
The pond is drained, the garden destroyed, yet you say the budweiser frogs and lizards were partying when a fight broke out that caused all the damage. How could you tell it was a foggy Moonless night?
The Lord of the Earth rose up and mountains were born.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
All right then, if the dog didn't dig up the garden, what's your explanation?
I changed my cursor to look like a sperm whale.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the first thing you did when you connected to the 1 mile wide flat screen monitor?
Bigger is not neccisarilly better.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Well, what should I have said when she offered me a 10 pound Zucchini soaked in vinegar?
The Cousins are back.
Hobbes
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the cause of the horrible noise?
It was the dog.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you mind telling me why every cop in a three-county area is parked in our driveway?
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
NOTE: DAN!!! that was FUNNY!!!!
Ooops, I was responding to the same one Dan did. Dan, I was saying your previous one was funny. Not this one where you tried to usurp my spot by sneaking in ahead of me.!!!!
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited August 15, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What are you planning to give out for Halloween?
The wicked witch of the west.
Posted by Rolf Singer (Member # 3972) on :
Sorry dear, who did you say you parked the house on???
It wasn't that colour when I put it in the fridge.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Honey, are you sure you want the GREEN jello?
White chocolate, strawberries and a napkin.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I let the dogs out.
(Thanks Bob, could you tell I was monitoring shopping that day?)
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
what was that smell comming from your shoes?
pickles and gin.
Posted by Rolf Singer (Member # 3972) on :
what are we getting your mother for christmas again?????
only if they tie me down and tickle me with the whole chicken.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Are you ticklish?
I've got Shadow Puppets and you fools have to wait until monday.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do you look as smug as Kenneth Lay did when he told his employees not to sell stock last year?
What goes up must come down, hard, with a thud.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I jump off my roof onto this trampoline and see if I could land in the pool?
Mmmmm, Deep Fat Fried Watermelon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What shall we have for dinner in honor of the 25th anniversary of Elvis's death?
Why yes, those are blue suede shoes.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What are those things on your feet?
The "Blue Screen of Death" just ate my homework.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, how's the Steven King essay going?
Im a genius, but I dont know how to spell it.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
So what's your IQ?
This is longer than Pats two word thread!!!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
[two men in a public bathroom]
Guy A: No really, I'm way bigger than you. Guy B: Sure you are. Guy A: This is touching porcelain right now. What about yours?
I don't think so, slappy.
[Edited to remove a question in the answer spot. Oops.]
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited August 19, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What's my fault?
Let it rain...
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
The weather outside is soggy/ In the morning it will be foggy/ It will always bring arthritis pain... How do I finish this little poem?
Running from the police doesn't actually mean you have to run.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Dillinger's last interview: "Mr. Dillinger, the police and FBI are hot on your trail, yet you and the babe in red stop for a movie. Why?"
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queens gotta a gun.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wow, does she look like Carrie or what?
Stupid fate, quit picking on me.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, Mr. Fate...you say it'll be Hatrack's most obnoxious poster that finally kills the "Begging the Question" thread?
A sleeping bag filled with barbeque sauce.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Cannibal: So how did you get this tourist to be so tastey?
Im a lover, not a killer.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey T_Smith, do you think you finally killed the "begging the question" thread?
Yes, but please don't touch that albatross.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Do you want me to untie that rope around your neck?
I have 10 bottles of paint and can meet you in an hour.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Somebody wrote "Death to Dune, Long live Star Wars" on the Spice Towers. Can you help me cover it up.?
I said crossover episodes, not crossdresser episodes.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why arent you wearing YOUR dress?
Im here for the beer.
Posted by Briesis (Member # 4025) on :
Why did you show up at my party? you know I can't stand you!
I think a nice green one would do fine, thanks!
[This message has been edited by Briesis (edited August 24, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what color sweater are you expecting grandma to send you this year?
Im getting a negative vibe all of a sudden.
Posted by Briesis (Member # 4025) on :
Why have you stopped? Go ahead and eat it. I promise it takes just like chicken!
The process is long and involved, should take about 3 days.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How long is it going to take you to sober up and get out of my house?
See, theres your problem! You can't have friends when you do that.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Just because I haven't showered in 5 days...
It's made of spam.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you made a statue of OSC? Did you make it out of marble or granite?
I fail to see your point.
Posted by Briesis (Member # 4025) on :
What is this pinkish gunk dripping from my sandwhich?
I don't know but it's gotta hurt!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
He's been signing books for days. How can his hands stand it?
Hey, he's ambidexterous.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Why are there two lines forming?
Before the rain.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you lose your SP book before or after the rain?
Look into my eyes.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Do you think I'm a freak, mommy?
No, that's the surprise ending.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wait a minute, wasn't Obi-wan was Luke's father?
You need more hair for that.
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Do you think I could play Rapunzel?
Sorry, we don't carry those here.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
I was wondering if you had something in my size, maybe a fur coat? (clerk thinks to self we don't have elephant fur, that's the only thing that would fit you) Clerk's response:
You know, I knew somebody that aacually weighed that much.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know my cousin weighs 375 pounds and he is 18?
Peach cobbler and a shoe.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
This is good apple pie, what is the secret ingredient?
I wish you wouldn't discriminate against me.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Could you be a dear and drink out of the other water fountain, please?
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why are you all wet?
No, I'm Austin Powers.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
His name is Bond, Jame Bond.
I am not a number!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Capt. Picard: Make it so, number one!
I cannot believe the mustard's off the hot dog.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you ever get all the condiments off of your sexy French Poodle?
Sorry, I couldn't let it die.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Sixteen hundred posts in one thread?! WHy did you let this happen?
Screw the drow!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Were you typing into the mirror again?niaga rorrim eht otni gnipyt uoy ereW
I'd go with a 9-iron.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the most effective way to knock out tiger woods?
Smells like Nirvana.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Is that Weird Al???..he dunno what he's singing, eh?
Blab.
Posted by somedeadguy (Member # 3759) on :
What does bacon smell like?
the monkey
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I go blab on my sister, or play with the monkey?
I noticed that.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
Did you know you have a knife embedded in your arm?
half of a towel.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What did you get each of the Siamese twins for Christmas?
Only on weekends and at weddings.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
When does the minister work?
A 3-foot replica of Alcatraz.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What does your hamster cage look like?
I was shot in the face with a firehose.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You look like you were beaten with the ugly stick. What happened?
Someone lied to you.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
Someone told me that you could make me look beautiful, is that right?
Fire. And lots of it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you suggest to get rid of our gopher problem?
3000 dollars worth of ice cubes.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
What did you buy with your $1 mil. lottery winnings, President Bush?
Chewing on a telephone cord.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You cannot eat up your long distance bill by...
I am not making a collect call, so go away.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
What did the girl finally say to Carrot-Top?
75 miles of string, cut into 1 inch sections.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Hey! Haven't seen you for a few weeks. Where've you been, and what's that you're chanting to your scissors?
Hmmm...it was only a zit four days ago.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
The President has come a long way, no?
By the power of Greyskull!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is your dad still trying to start the lawnmower? What's that he's yelling?
I fell down a lot.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I heard you had that surgery to make your feet removable. Was it hard to get used to?
If she says she did, then you know she really didn't, but if she says she didn't, then maybe she did.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What have you learned from watching the Anna Nicole show?
That is the biggest waste of the airwaves since Clintons third State of the Union address.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you feel about American Idol?
Its bound to glitch.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What's bound to happen to Hatrack?
This shall self-destruct in..
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What does it say, Inspector Gadget?
Monkeys. Every damn one of them.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
How many policemen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What happen?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this your first time waking up in a Las Vegas hotel bathtub filled with ice and finding yourself minus one kidney?
Simply irresistable.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Can you describe Human's personality?
Ugh, not another vison.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have to proof read "The Love Life of an Average Hatracker" by Human and the stupid printer got all the V's and B's mixed up.
Sorry Human, it was too easy.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Human: "Now why did you have to go and say that?"
Doughnuts and Old Ladies.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are two things that taste better when you dunk them in strong coffee?
The next Iraqi president.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What should I put under "Future employment plans" for my application?
Turtleback.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you get when you yell "Help Mr. Wizard?"
It's just my philosophy, that's all.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
How are you going explain being caught with the goat to your wife?
There's only one thing to do. DANCE!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Billy Elliot! Do you realize what you do when you get mad?
Tell a friend, and get a wish.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited September 06, 2002).]
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Tinkerbelle, what will you give me if I promise to tell my nearest and dearest that you are the most fabulous fairy ever?
Easy, stupid - just twist, jiggle, and pull.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you get this toliet to stop running?
Custom made, baby!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that a new Y chromosome you're sporting?
SUVs of the gods.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Here we go Mr. Odin sir. We replace your six legged horse with this new, all terain, eight legged, fuel injected, flying turtle. We up the suspension of the chariot by 18 inches and replace those old wooden wheels with new Firestone underinflated super tires. It gets lousy mileage, the turtle pollutes like Thor after a bean burrito and the whole thing will flip over on wet pavement, but it looks sharp. Do you know what we have here now?
That is the worst peice of junk I've ever seen.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Pssst. Wanna buy the Maltese Pigeon?
Eau de Salvation Army.
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
What did you mean by that?
Your mom.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Who's your daddy?
Alive and well.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So Mr. Taliban man, hows Bin-Ladin doing?
Yes, in fact I just finished.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me, Mr. T_Smith. Do you juggle in your own mind?
What a wonderful place it would be.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
What if all the people that left hatrack over the years suddenly came back?
Fat chance.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
TV without Anna Nicole Smith?
Because it FEELS good, that's why!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
oooh, that--that--, hey, why did you put your hands in my pocket?
Do it to me one more time.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I finished combing your hair, Mr President.
Yo soy el Presidente de Cuba!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What is the Taco Bell Chihuahua's new catch phrase?
Ah, but the penguins always win.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you excited about the 17th annual Male Avian Best Dressed awards?
You would look fine in feathers.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a fashion designer to do with a 10000 dead parakeets?
And then there were two.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited September 08, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Lots of people originally posted to this thread.
It dies a slow lingering death.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What will happen to this thread?
Those blasted ex's..
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Henry VIII's favorite saying?
I can't believe it's not butter.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is Fabio's favorite food?
It's been raining for three days straight.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Why's it been pouring for three days straight?
Your hand's all wet; there's a clue.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why did you give me this towel?
Not in a million years.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When will this thread die?
Its Alive! Its Alive!
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
Can you please pass the spagetti?
yes, no, old people, and donkeys
Posted by Chaeron (Member # 744) on :
Q: Is this some kind of sick joke? Did you put this here? If not, who did?
A: Guilty.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, aren't you that guy? You know, guardian of the underworld?
A giant inflatable RS-232 plug and 8 million miles of 9-lead ribbon cable.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited September 09, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What did you get for your birthday this year?
Only if penguins are going to be there.
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
arent you goiing to school today?
Why yes, i do
Posted by Mr. Flibble (Member # 4178) on :
Do you fear circus freaks overtaking the world?
at first i thought it was blue, but its absolutly green.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the color the mold in the fridge?
Relax. Go do it.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Said Perseus to Medusa as he led her by the hand to the local Salon & Spa at the mall, giving her one last chance before he did something about that mess himself.
No not the long one, the short funny one.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who is not the best actor on The Drew Carrey show?
Thats not my girlfriend, thats my dinner!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why does your girlfriend taste all cheesy and delicious?
They all lived happily ever after...kinda.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
So what happened after Bush got elected?
No, did you really do that?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear that I cloned OSC?
Im sorry, I though I heard you say "Do you like my guts"
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why did you say "Well, their squishy and digest food matter into waste." when I asked you what you thought about my mutts?
(okay, i'm sorry, that wasn't very good, but i couldn't think of anything! i was stumped! Damn you T_Smith!)
A hardboiled egg, a little duct tape, and a pile of freshly folded laundry.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
They made what the new president of Argentina?
I do not accept checks.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited September 10, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You OK'd the Lithuanian and two Albanian's, but why did you not let in the guy from Checkoslovakia?
That is difficult to spell but fun to say.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give a ride to Mr. Vaclav Havel?
Silly String bikini.
::dang, mine was aimed at Locke's post (which was hilarious by the way). But I guess it fits anyway)::.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited September 10, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What's better than chain mail underwear?
Ennie mennie minnie moe!
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
No realy, you must choose! Cake, or death?
Next thing I knew, I was halfway down the stairs.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
It was the wierdest thing. I knew there was a hatchet murder hiding in the house. Yet I couldn't help myself. As soon as the strange music came on, I stripped to my underware and headed for the basement.
Don't go down there.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I hear there's a mongoose in my pants.
Confutatis maledictis...
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Reverend, what was going on over at the American Idol contest?
Sweet, sap-happy love.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the theme behind this stupid movie...Titanic?
My army of carrots will save you!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What am I supposed to do with this rabbit farm I inherited?
Because I said so, that's why!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
SuperBunnyMan, now that your powers have been sucked dry by the EvilOverlord Bob...how will you triumph over evil?
Confuscius says: "Let them eat beans."
edit: oops! well, clearly my post was a response to T_Smith's...so...um...either disregard it or respond in kind... either way the thread doesn't die a miserable death.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 10, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
But the peasants are smelling up the place!
He came riding a worm?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What could be weirder than the fact that he drinks his own recycled sweat and urine?
A two headed frog.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What stopped you from proposing to Cynthia?
Ducks, old boy. Fountains of ducks.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
A mountain of what?!
He can read Mercury, the most advanced encryption code, as easily as other kids read English.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What does a greek midget has to do with FedEx?
Wayne's World, party time, excellent!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do you not want to hear the doctor say just as you lose consciousness?
A well balanced diet of fear and pasta.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
So, what does Hannibal Lecter eat while on a diet?
So why are YOU bugging me?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you ask the 12 foot tall cock roach that ate Cincinatti?
Never answer a question with a question. Right?
Posted by Zap (Member # 4195) on :
What question would most confuse alex trebec
They were dancing in circles and singing the melody from giligans island
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Your parents did what during the wedding ceremony?
<insert answer here>.
[This message has been edited by JohnKeats (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
<insert question here>?
Particle man.
Posted by Knobe (Member # 4037) on :
Who ate spider-man?
No way can't be
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did our beloved John Keats try to kill this thread by forgeting to ask a question?
Say it isn't so.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you hear that Milli Vanilli is back together again?
I did lots of research and finally decided it wasn't worth it.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
By the way, how did that thing end up with saving the human race?
A tire guage.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's that in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Only after I move.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Are you OK with Anna Nicole Smith setting up residence nextdoor?
Only one at a time, and not willingly.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited January 18, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are your plants getting enough sunlight?
An industrial stapler ought to do the trick.
edit: Note, mine was originally aimed at Ludosti's post, but I think it's even funnier this way!!! Only one at a time and not willingly!!! LOL! Completely unintentional.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
As a single mother of two, how am I supposed to take my kids to the mall when I only have one tether?
Thank you, yes.
[This message has been edited by JohnKeats (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Chain mesh underwear?
(question: it started out as chain mesh, then morphed into chain mail...which one are we using here, folks?)
One skunk, medium rare.
1700th post....the insanity continues...
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are there very many polecat clairvoyants?
No, burglary is just a hobby.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Hey, StickyFingers McGee...have you ever considered going pro?
With a hey-diddle-diddle and a nonny-nonny-no.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mr Bush, how are we supposed to win the war on terror?
Gee, ya think?
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You have an axe buried in your left shoulder.
Do they all do that, Willy? Do they?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you know that people on this thread start with a question and end with a statement, not vice versa?
I killed it alright. And Im proud of it.
Posted by Knobe (Member # 4037) on :
Why did it have to be my flie?
I wanna know too.
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
come on..... which way to the bathroom...?
Im not quite sure, probably in your pants
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Where did you say the bathroom is again?
No, put the sticker there. It's okay.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What do I do with this bumper sticker you gave me? Also, I seem to have lost my pants.
Oh, he's with God now.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
What happened to David Bowles after he found out memes don't exist?
Anything but a telephone.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
If you found yourself in a dark empty alley late at night, which one of the following would you not want to run into? a) axe murderer b)chain mesh underwear c)a telephone d)a rabid nun
Get yourself some Alka Seltzer and you'll feel better fast!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What do you take for a hang-over?
Chain mesh underwear sucks.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Where did that pelvic rash come from?
Here, feel it.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
I listened to 'Pat the Bunny' on audio-cassette and, honestly, I don't see what the big deal is.
Texas.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What smells like cow?
Oh thats funny, alright.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't it funny how every religion in the world preaches peace, but we fight wars over them?
It's rivetting!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Oh! You rented a video. How ni- Bob the Builder's Welding Rampage?! What the hell...?
I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What are you mumbling? And what the hell are you doing with a noose, a revolver, a razor blade, and seven bottles of aspirin?
Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a garbage bag filled with vanilla pudding.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What does chain-mesh underwear feel like?
I've got a rabid moose in my socks!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Your toe is bleeding...why do you keep knocking it with that hammer?
No it's not a toaster, it's something Jimmy Neutron built.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Hey, nice toaster.
How fortunate, the man with none.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you a nun?
I think we need new shocks.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I may be the worst gunslinger in the west, but I am going to Tombstone to prove myself by finding someone who's gun isn't faster. [edited to meet Bob's post instead of 2's Darn simo-posting] ** Bump** ** Bang** Darnation, I done shot myself in the foot. You stupid stagecoach driver, what do you have to say for yourself?
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer rang down upon his head.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited September 12, 2002).]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
As coffee sales decline, what radical new strategy is the "best part of waking up" company taking to brighten Americans' mornings?
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What type of sushi does Dr. Suess eat.
Be a goth.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What should I do when I grow up?
An "X-Treme Gulp", 52 oz. of liquid goodness!
[D'oh! A moment too late!]
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited September 12, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's that all over your pants?
I found him tied to the wrong side of the tracks.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What're you doing with that transvestite?
Oh no...not the 2000th post.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you realize that after 30 miles of making a fence we've reached the 2000th post?
I soaked up the sun.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you do with your infinite supply of Bounty Paper Towels?
My eyedrops didn't work.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you dipping your contacts in iced tea?
Using a tube sock would just be silly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Her tube top split so I am giving her this. It's a Tube and it is clothing, right?
Squeeze me please.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hey, mister, could you spare a quarter?
Hier kommt die sonne.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Say that again?
...Because they are comfortable.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you wear salmon on your feet?
Its all has to do with the Arch support.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why are you wearing Rome on your feet?
Well, chimps are known to do that sometimes.
Hobbes
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's that monkey doing? Is he trying to turn this into an onanism thread?
I thought she said pianist.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My wife loves listening to music in bed. I heard her tell a friend on the phone that every night she ends up going to sleep with the worlds smallest pianist.
Watch your language young man.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What the hell is that?
Ghosts in drawers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's worse than poltergeists in lingerie?
A puka shell necklace would be perfect.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
How about a vomit pearl bracelet?
I admit, I exploded the egg in the microwave.
Posted by Knobe (Member # 4037) on :
Who made the expolding Omlet?
We check our list to see if we are naughy or nice.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What's the fat guy doing?
The last thing Fat Albert said.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you always go around saying "Hey Hey Hey! Im gonna die today!"?
There is something on that cheese.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What is that brown thing?
Why's she always powdering her nose?
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Please, you'll have to excuse my mother. She had to powder her nose, work three jobs to feed our family, accept the Nobel Prize for Peace, build homes for the homeless and invent gravity.
Tony thinks I should quit my job at McDonald's. But I kinda like it.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why are you twirling that stupid hat?
Aaagh!
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Isn't that Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day?
Well, that was unexpected.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What did the admins say upon discovering that "Begging the Question" is actually popular?
Oohh I hate that rabbit! Get me a drink.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Elmer Fudd say when his contract expired?
The weather looks okay.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Go to hell!
It grabbed me with styrofoam tentacles, and from the depths of its deep moans I distinctly heard the word 'meme'.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How could you tell it was really a Philosophy Club project instead of a honest-to-goodness giant man-eating pretzel.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Answer (for Bob, *cough*): That's one heck of a long steel rod!
Hobbes
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's chapter four in the book of "Popular Construction Worker Compliments: For the Hard Hat in your Life"?
Mairzy Doats and Dozey Doats and Little Lamzy Divey...
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited January 18, 2003).]
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Who are the inbreeders playing with their cousin?
Things we thought we thought last month.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What were you thinking??
That's mentally scarful..
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you think of the book, "Telepathy for Dummies?"
Stupid is as stupid does.
Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :
What is Tom Hanks' favorite line from 'Forrest Gump'?
Contraband found outside in the barn leads me to believe that some people broke into your barn, milked your cows, stole some eggs, and then left to find other barns.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What are you doing with that Hawaiian shirt, and why do my bulls look so happy?
I used to, but it chafed my inner thighs.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What are the police doing here?
Bob's wearing a pink tutu and twirling to it's a small world.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey, sorry Im late to your party. Has anything interesting happened yet?
I will carry this chicken, though I do not know the way.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Did you bring the sacrifice?
Another day in paradise.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
How does it feel to work in the factory that makes those car accessory fuzzy dice?
A barrette, a barretta, and a beret.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You say you didn't get a good look at the robbers face. Ok. What was she wearing?
I don't get no respect.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give me an example of a double negative that's not a positive?
John Barleycorn must die!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Dear Abby. I am trying to color my white shoes a lovely shade of Chartruese. What should I do. Signed, John Barleycorn
The Male Muse
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
How do you write such masculine poetry?
This isn't really as hard as it looks.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there some reason I can only think of "dirty" questions to go with that answer?
Buns of steel.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What was the name again of that exercise video that Bob_Scopatz put out in the early 90's?
Itsy bitsy teeny weany yellow polka dot bikini.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What did Ronald McDonald wear to the beach?
That explains the message on my answering machine.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
After they kidnapped me they said they called your house to ask for the ransom -- why didn't you help me?!?!
When I dance, the Lord weeps.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Daughter of the Lord of Buxenberry, how beautiful do you dance?
Im not going to fall for that again.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
The red pill or the blue?
It reminds me of Tasty Wheat.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did you like our new Soylent Blue?
Perfect, except for that one thing.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Sorry about the loss of the arm. Other than that, how did you like the new grenades?
Jacks, ball, and pick-up sticks without the black stick.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What are the three most useless items in the world?
If only they still sold chicken hats.
edit: am amused that this is the 1776 post...birth of a nation, no?
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 18, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Arrr. What's wrong with me pirate fashion sense?
Avast ye scurvey dog!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Cap'n! We're being boarded by scurvy dogs!
Nummy. Just the way I like it!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Argh, how's the grog?
Iron Sam Kidd was hung in a gibbet.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
My cousin Fracis hung himself in a breadbox. Beat that!
Ohhh my God...
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Have you gained weight?
Like you said, just behind the bushes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Arrh, Iron Dog Kid was the third evilest pirate ever to sail from Texas.
I shall never walk the plank.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What do you think of the new exercise program we've put together in honor of National Talk Like A Pirate Day?
Fine, except for the singed eyebrows.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
*lights a fire*
Like this?
_________________________________
If I only had a brain.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Me zombie. Me Hungry.
There be whales here, Captain.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Ishmael, why has the crew decided to visit Sea World?
Chocolate covered men.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Say, what was that deal back there with the life-sized army toys?
Believe me, I know that he keeps messing up the game.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What the! It's all wet! Hey, did Ren whizz on the electric fence again!
Pet it gently.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
How do you get the thing to do what you want it to do?
Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why is your rabbit making amourous advances to your pet goat Trixie?
It never rains, it pours.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hows the weather in Jamaca been treating you on your vacation?
Please, call me Threepwood. Guybrush Threepwood.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Hey there, Right Honorable Dennis Arturo Guybrush Threepwoodium III, Jr. How you doin' today?
Arrgh, they keep calling me, "Ms."
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Is it tough having the first name "Mrs."?
For I'm a yankee doodle dandy...I'm a yankee doodle boy!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Leonide say when she found out everyone was calling her a boy?
You kill my father, prepare to die!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
And then I poked your dad and he just fell over!
Head phones in my ears, drinking up my beer...
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What happened to Fossil's Question?
In this place. In this time. In this way.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Could you demonstrate the how's and whens of safely modeling chain mail underware?
Off we go into the wild blue yonder.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did the first lemming say to all his followers?
Pickled pipers prick prettily upon their panniers.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the lead goose say to the other geese?
And then there were none.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
A Panier packing pickled priest, a nun, and a bishop stand in front of a bar. The Priest goes in and orders a drink. The Bishop, disgusted, leaves.
Life, the Univers, and Everything except frogs.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What was Douglas Adams' favorite saying after an unfortunately violent altercation with Kermit the Frog?
Baby, I love your ways.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What was the last thing my date said before I escorted here to the door?
Yes, we have no bananas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you making love to a kumkwat? Why?
That is the 53rd most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
Posted by lilsciencepimp05 (Member # 4160) on :
Your epeidermis is showing.
Posted by lilsciencepimp05 (Member # 4160) on :
Your epidermis is showing.
It's infaltable.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What is that?
Some raven.
{Science Pimp, it's answer the last statement with a question and make a statement. )
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What did Edgar Allan Poe comment disdainfully after hearing the raven quoth: "Forever and Ever More?"
Only SuperHypnoGyratingMan can save us now.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Blossom say when she and the other Powerpuff Girls say when they were trapped by Mojo?
Damn, I hate rainy weather!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Rain, "I hate rivers." River, "I hate dams."
Hey, I rent inflatables. Honestly, I really do.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there a place around here where I get a bigger, better ego?
Supereggo!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Bob have for breakfast?
Let us to lettuce.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did the gentleman rabbit say to his lady love?
She looks just like Toto!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Do humans really start to resemble their pets?
I love watching typhoons coming in across the bay.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are you doing out there? You need to find shelter.
That would be: insane, idiotic, and possibly fun.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hey, everybody, wanna stand in buckets of water and lick electic fences?
Cheese, cheese, juice.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What are three things that make Locke vomit?
OMG, I had to watch a group hug.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Tell me one more time why you're not going back into the boy's locker room?
Because it looked like she had a unibrow.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why don't you think Brooke Shields is pretty?
Soup d'jour.
(Tammy, that was great.)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
And you french people call this broth with snails in it what now?
Ya, I bet you would.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Would you, if you spoke German, misspell the word 'ja'?
There's no skeleton's on your shopping list.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you say that my experiment isn't going to work? Igor's out right now picking up all the organs and bodily fluids.
Only a hula hoop and a dead cat.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Airport Security: So, whatcha got in the bag?
They actually aired that??
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Brittany spears was {Editted for those to young to know} on live TV?
Dem Bones.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What was the name of that band that promotes organ donations?
That's it, no more styrofoam before bed.
Feyd
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I have no idea how to interpret a dream in which you were stamped "Fragile," Fed-Exed to yourself, and arrived in pieces. What do you think it means?
I'm putting this in your permanent record.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
You just said you liked a Boy Band?
And now, for something completely differnet...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I need a slogan for my new product...it's just like the internet, only different. What do you think?
Opening beer bottles with my forearm.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What does the alcoholic do now that he lost his hands?
Crappy weather in Paradise.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I hear Jimmy Buffet has really run out of ideas. What's the title of his new one?
Once you go crack, you never go back!
Posted by Mazzic (Member # 2185) on :
What did the demented chiropractor say to his intern on the first day?
Blue bells and periwinkle perfume.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What does a lady give a man if she wants to make him nervous on the first date?
People should be banned from driving after reaching a certain mental state in their lives.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's with all the people bicycling in California?
I prefer a non-dairy topping, please.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Time for the Packers game! Bob, got your cheesehead?
It almost looks like a monkey swallowing a chainsaw.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Wow, and you say she's having twins?
There's a fly strip in the air.
{Editted for idiocy.}
[This message has been edited by Centurion (edited September 23, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So Centurion, what's up?
No, i'll take it to go.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you like to go see your newborn son in the recovery room, sir?
I was attacked by an angry Republican and a swarm of bees.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, how was it visiting David Bowles?
..... and then i said to her "What chicken?"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So after she told you we were in for foul weather, what did you do?
Napkin Origami.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Something I could never do?
A trunk of junk and a ticket to fly.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, what did you find in that car you stole from the drug dealer?
Paris, France.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
What isn't black, white, and read all over?
I was up all night flirting.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Where'd all these phone numbers come from?
For when the metal ones decide to come for you.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Why do I have to keep practicing with these stupid paper birds?
Well I never said you weren't invited.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I don't have a tutu, but can I come too 2?
Two plus two does to equal four.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Chuck plus wood does to woodchucking as... ?
We met having sex.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You say you finally found your long, lost sister?
An entire roll of duct tape.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did you use to get all the hair removed from your body?
Lush green grass and a pink tulip.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What was on the picture that Centurion vomitted on?
Belly button lint.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm famished...what's for breakfast?
I used to have three.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Frisco, what's this scar in the middle of your chest, right between your two nipples?
Stand back! It's loaded!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Could you show me the EX model?
Take two alka seltzer and call me in the morning.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the wife of that obese guy say when they were leaving the chili eating contest?
{Editted: because we both replied to the same post and mine still works for both. I'm so gooood! }
Tony De Marko looks cool on the History Channel.
[This message has been edited by Centurion (edited September 24, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
List me one thing that he does that is cool.
I wouldn't tell her even if shewas nocking lamps over with it.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the porn director say about his starlet's bad position?
The St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, how would you describe your date?
Don't roller skate naked threw a herd of Elephants.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So, Mr. Williams, I understand you just got back from Africa. That must have been exciting! What was the most important thing you discovered?
We all scream for ice cream.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Oh, you're part of a cult? What's your slogan?
The Hallelujah Chorus
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Lizard Wrestler: "I am tough. I creamed macho mann, I creamed The Undertaker. I creamed Hulk Hogan. Now it comes to this new guy, Vanilla Ice. Well, my loving audience, what do you want me to make of him?"
[Simo Post, but hey, it still kinda works]
He is the Professional Wrestler of Hatrackers.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited September 24, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited September 24, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What does he do again?
You don't say. (Because Ralphie did.)
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
She did WHAT with the whip???
Silly monkey, you can't get drunk on banannas...or can you?
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
*beats fists upon chest* Ooo..Ooaahh...Oohoohaha?
(edited to change answer: okay, it was a bad answer, i was trying to be clever and failed miserably ;0p)
The land of Nod, where all the happy people go.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
They smoke that to go where?
JFMAMJJASOND
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Can you think of a shorter name for our organization? Right now, we call ourselves the Jugglers From Macedonia and Maine, Just Juggling And Singing Over New Developments. It seems a little long and incomprehensible at this point.
She must have a great personality.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Wait -- is that guy dating a brain-eating zombie?
The Bureau of Better Beef
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Your butcher is a member of the BBB?
Sloppy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you call a world class sadistic dictator who gasses his own people with poisons?
I am Saddaam, Saddaam am I.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's the most twisted version of Green Eggs and Ham you've ever read?
Tiny little dots. All over the linoleum.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Whatdid her bikini look like?
A shade more shade.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Is there anything else I can do for you, master?
Like pumice.
(Edit: spelling)
[This message has been edited by Khavanon (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How did your breakfast taste, honey? It was 100% vegan.
I'm giving up my career as an organ grinder.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
What's with all this "Work from home" literature you've been getting in the mail lately?
Things have never been so swell.
(I am absolutely furious with myself for being at work earlier, rather than sitting here catching Leonide's Little Shop reference...) [Edit: spelling]
[This message has been edited by 2 (edited September 26, 2002).]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
How's the mortician business going?
They're flat, slimy organisms.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Is that your wife's family?
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
He did WHAT with the flag?
I went to the dentist but the thing in my mouth ate him.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The dentist is missing, have you seen him?
Dinner is served. Urp.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Jeeves, why are there bread crumbs on your chin?
There is only one BookMaster.
(2: yay for catching that! i was hoping someone would )
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are YOU the bookmaster and not I?
Yup. A monkey, Enders Game, and 2 bananas.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Really, is that all that was left after the hurricane?
A ton of dirt on the kitchen floor and not a broom in sight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you torture someone who has OCD?
Blow it up! Blow it up! Waaaaaaaayyy up!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How did you get your entire skull stuck in a condom?
Hours and years of grueling, rigorous training.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
He wanted to be a ballerina why?
Infomercials should be banned.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
$187,000 in credit card debt?
I get the kind with extra moisturizers.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What kind of facial cleanser do you use?
Ahhhh, the Wedding Show!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Is there anything on TV you want to watch?
... and a partiage in a pear tree.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: 5 Golaen Ings 4 Calling Bias 3 Fench Hens 2 Tutle Aoves ... drat, what was next?
Everybody. No, not you.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Are we all invited?
His shoes are on the wrong feet.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Can't dance huh?
I'll take a Pet's mart Shareable water please.
[This message has been edited by Doug J (edited September 27, 2002).]
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Next round's mine. What do you folks want?
He produces accurate and thorough work that meets or exceeds company standards.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why did they fire Chuck from MacDonald's?
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What was that pysco-bable?
Wouldn't fit on a floppy.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Doug, you'll accept my Petsmart water, but not this submarine sandwich?
You'll never be a hero.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Just bologna and cheese again. My dear sandwhich...
We don't need another hero.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm here to save the day!
If i go crazy....
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
It's "2 for the price of 1" day here at subway. Why don't you order another? It's free.
I thought I unplugged that.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Your cat was sucked up by the vacuum.
I thought he would look better like that.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
"Very nice painting! A heavenly choir of angels! And that guy floating down from the heavens...yes, that must be Jesus! Is he wearing a speedo?"
Yes. Tuesday. Opposable thumbs. Cookies.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited September 27, 2002).]
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
We've evolved? When? How do you know? What are the benefits?
Nah, don't worry about it, it's fine.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
You wrote Monty Python and the Holy Grail? What was the original draft answer to "you can't fight, you've lost an arm!"?
You say potato, and i say potahto, you say tomato, and i say tomahto...
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
So, you dropped out of your Hooked on Phonics class?
It burned like a mother.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You drank a gallon of bleach for 5 dollars?!
1900 is a lot. I almost choked.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So, I hear you're learning to cook. How did the first lesson in boiling water go?
We did it for his own sake, though it didn't look good at the time.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You killed the Japanese wine master. Why?
Tora Tora Tora!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the stuttering bullfighter say?
Personal injury attorney.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So what section of hell is that part for?
My thoughts exactly.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Screw that SOB!
Christmas lights in June.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's weirder than Thanksgiving turkeys in May?
Way way back. In the long ago time.
(edited for no answer ;0p)
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 27, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How long has that math teacher been teaching here?
You ask that as if you expect me to answer.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When did you stop beating little children?
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why are you pleading the 5th about dancing with Maeth?
Three bears in a cat fight.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What is one answer no one could think of a question for?
It was never supposed to go this far.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you woke up with a hang over, wearing Tammy's clothes, Belle's shoes, and laying next to Bob. What happened?
You would not believe me if I told you, so I will lie a bit.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You mean to say you framed Martha Stewart by infiltrating the cheese ziggurat and placing the alien corncob under arrest?
Yeah, we saw that. But then we decided, hell, let the thing have its fun.
Posted by sylvrdragon (Member # 3332) on :
are you aware of the squirel that just crawled up your pants leg?
yep, I lose more socks that way
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Can't you do anything about Bob Dole living in your shoes?
I hate those cows. And their hay, too.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
So, you say you live next to a slaughter house?
Scuba diving for turtles.
(Sorry, Leonide. I thought the answer above would have been obvious. "Wow, Centurion is a lousy speller. Isn't it supposed to be , "Three bare in a cat fight?":P
{Editted: because I couldn't spell CAT!}
[This message has been edited by Centurion (edited October 01, 2002).]
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
How did you get that...thing?
I didn't do it for the money. Honest!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Say now, did my brother pay you go on a date with me or am I as attractive as you make me out to be?
That reminds me of a song we used to sing, back in the day.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Hey, Sal, it turns out my boyfriend has gonorrhea.
76 trombones caught the morning sun!
(Centurion- i should have edited that to say "what was the one answer that LEONIDE couldn't come up with a question for?)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is it so damned dark outside?
It's Gladiator meets Hogan's Heroes.
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
Whos on celebrity deathmatch tonight?
strange, but not as cool as the secret sauce
[This message has been edited by Jeff (edited September 30, 2002).]
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Overheard in the Burger King storage closet: So, how do you like it when I put some pickles and onions...here?
Filtration systems are my specialty.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the pool guy say?
Time is money!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what was your theory that won you the Nobel Prize for Physics?
Never give up. Never Surrender. Never say..ouch that hurts.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Honey, when you're done lecturing the kids, would you please take out the garbage, like I asked you three times already? *punching arm playful but firmly*
It's iodine, I'm telling you.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Is that PEE on your hands?!
Try and try again......
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you convict OJ?
Orange Juice is tastier.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What were Jim Jones' last words?
M&Ms are better than Eminem.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, what are the results from the latest MTV survey?
A very big rubber band.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
So what's NASA's latest plan to survey Pluto?
Naw... that's just my cell phone.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Wow, are you really that happy to see her dance?
Another idiot on the road.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Holy Crap! Did you just ran over someone?
Why are you asking ME that?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you my mother?
The cat in the hat.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hey what is that, it looks like some sort of furry thing in a rectoidal volume?
1933.
EDIT: I thought someone had posted before me, but I was wrong
Hobbes
[This message has been edited by Hobbes (edited October 02, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What year is this guacamole?
(yours was better, go for it)
The army of the potatoe king thats who.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
So who is President Quayle saying we should attack this week?
I think I'll take a dozen.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wanna buy some cologne bottles?
Id estimate 1:200000000
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What're the chances Freud was right?
Sleep.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where ya headed?
Stupid SuperEgo, go back to sleep.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What does Tammy need right now more than anything in the world?
I couldn't pull it off so I just chopped it off.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So Mrs Bobbit, how exactly DID you do it?
You and your silly games.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Just why did you leave when I was winning?
The light! The light!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What was the last thing the vampire said?
Oh god, not this again....
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Hi, I'm a door-to-door saleswoman...would you like to purchase some chain mesh underwear?
Great balls of fire!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You kicked the Human Torch in the what?
Behold; I have achieved immortality of a sort.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're being put into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the ugliest person ever?
Two dozen thumbtacks. I got the idea from an acupuncture book.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ouch! What did you put in this milkshake?
Every picture tells a story.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you just starring that picture of a can of soup?
I doubt you will get away with that.
Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :
How do I look with the crown jewels in my nipple piercings?
But the franks arent done!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Cannibal: Are you ready to add the Ted?
Fine its yours.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Do you still want your life?
You should die.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hmmmm should I choose the death or the cake?
Ive still got it.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Where are your pictures??
My brother is fat.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What would the reletive of peter peter pumpkin eater say?
Unscrew the top and see.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What's that green stuff floating in the mason jar?
They should have mannequins to test out wetsuits.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why would someone make a concrete wetsuit? Don't they know you'll just sink?
Oh, thats just the thing that goes bump, crack, and slam in the night.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited October 02, 2002).]
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Is that curmudgeonly Bob over there?
Ritual shrines for pagans.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, Toys For Tots bombed...what's your next non-profit venture?
I can't feel my neck.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you say when you cross a vampire with novacaine?
Its eye popping, mouth gaping, stomach clenchingly funny.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Did you see Schindler's List?
A stapler and some scotch tape.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You know what I find fastenating?
Spell checkers are the death of good puns!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What spell can I use to kill all the good puns, and just leave the Evil puns to rule the P-universe?
I went to Pacifica University, good old P.U.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
I ask you again...why do you think your argument stunk to high heaven? Where in the world did you go to school?
He's contemplating the speed of lightning without the zigzags.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why is the professor poking that paper clip into the outlet and why is he holding a voltimeter?
Shaken, not stirred. No, wait...shaken AND stirred. And flipped over. Twice.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You are honeymooning through a hurrican? How are you?
That is what makes the world go round.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What's this stuff in my belly-button?
Frogmen.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What has lost its legs and claims to be a prince?
Darned child-safe lids.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
No matter how many I throw at the kids, those lids keep bouncing off without hurting them.
I'm rubber, your glue.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, which monopoly piece am I this game?
That reminds me. I need to go.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
And beside the beautiful gushing waters of Lake Peepee, there's a natural flowing waterfall...in addition, the house comes complete with a pool, two hot tubs, five bathrooms, and 10 sinks. Running water is everywhere! Now isn't that just splendid?
Sometimes Mickey Mouse scares me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you afraid to go to Disneyland?
Oh, him? Thats just the lovable village idiot.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who's that guy running around spouting nonsense and guzzling a 2 liter of Mountain Dew?
7 cents apiece, unless you want them in solid gold.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How much for the copper replicas of an ant?
(does that make me the village idiot? I gave up the dew *sigh*)
Peaches and pears, monkeys and bears.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
In my angle, Noah brought two of every animal and presumably plenty to eat. What did your Noah bring on his ark?
It sure looked like Mountain Dew.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How on earth can you mistake Mellow Yellow for Mountain Dew?
My lawyer tells me I cant answer that.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How are you today?
I don't know if I have the strength for 2000 tonight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So champ, think you can go another 25 before I go to bed?
I think the world is a crazy music box and everyone is playing Its a Small World only off key.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you wearing 7 pairs of earmuffs?
I don't know...I feel so slutty.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats it like wearing a dress?
The world is a crab and im the mallet.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's a good metaphor for the planet having to put up with your lame jokes?
It's already the longest. Anything more is uncivilized.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mind if I add another post?
(I had such a good one too....)
It could be worse.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I'm sorry, but did I just hear you say "dang right I'm the longest, and I'm thinking of having it circumcised"?
I think three lumps oughta do it.
[oops, mine was supposed to be for Frisco's] [edited to add the oops]
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited October 04, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Here's a picture of my genetically mutated camel. Waddaya think?
Crikey! She's a beaut!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you chasing that squirrel?
A penny saved is time wasted.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited October 04, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Wow! Why do you have three garbage cans of copper coins?
So slow. So slow...it hurts.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How fast is your internet connection?
9 cows and a grill
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Now that you're vegetarian, you say you're having nightmares? Want to tell me about one?
A blank Certificate of Authenticity.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
So, when you purchased your invisible Picasso, did anything else come with it?
It's all fine and dandy, except for the spatula-shaped growth.
[edited syntax]
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited October 04, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So how's the breast implant doing?
That was overblown.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you see that guy with the afro?
Here, take my clock in its replacement. My clock has 26 hours a day.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Dang it! I scheduled my date and my dentist appointment both for 8:00.
I am so made of cheese. It hurts to breathe.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What were the Stinky Cheese Man's last words?
She walks in beauty like the night
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a polite way to say she's best seen when the lights are off?
Ah!!! You're a Ninja Nerd!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Would it impress you if I could list in reverse alphabetical order the names of all 45 techniques of commiting seppuku?
You could fraternize with pandas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well, I've been rejected by every frat house from here to the zoo. What should I do?
Cannibalism is not the diet of choice.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wow, have you noticed that those people sure did make Hannibal a little pudgy over the years.
The king of mops.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
But I like Ziggy! Can you even name one thing that Ziggy is not?
Oh, you are a dirty popsicle...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey, I'm made of ice, why are you running me under hot water?
So close....
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
So did you end up buying that new razor?
They use several burrows spread throughout their territory.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
So where do rednecks put their garbage when they're done using it?
That would be 2000.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
How many pounds does your momma weigh?
jelly and gasoline.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Dude, what are the primary ingredients in your "Bad Cop, Exploding Doughnuts"?
No, I think I got the post of the next millenium.
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited October 06, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Look. It's the Memetic 2000, the post for the next milennium. Don't you wish you had it?
Combs hurt my ears.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are your ears bleeding?
You're about 4 inches and 3 years too short.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Munchkin to Dorothy, running into her three years after the Oz fiasco: "Hey there good lookin', I got a sweet flat in Munchkinland, how about you and me trying it out?"
Crazy as a hoot owl, that one.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited October 06, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the deal with T_Smith?
Jeez, they stink.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Whaddya think about these old posts?
Oh man. Oh manohmanohman.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
(may be slightly offensive, but ha!) What does God say when he's about at the end of his roll in the hay?
Now that was uncalled for!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Eh eh, nudge nudge know what I mean?
Thats gotta hurt.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you turned yourself inside out searching for answers?
No, no, it's just a toupee.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Is that a hat or did the blowdryer eat your hair again?
Okay, I'll do it again. Only because you're the needy, clingy type.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Oh c'mon do that clicky thing with snapple top again!
Well, after that I realised I had to kill him.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So he did that clinky thing with the snapple lid. What happened next?
Ted Bundy and Hannible Lechter are on the guest list.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Deleted because someone beat me to the answer.
grrr
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So who's going to your "Dead or Fictional" party?
It's because I type too slowly.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why does everyone call you "Slow Hand Luke?"
She was like a letter-opener to the heart.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you think of the new Surgeon, Dr. Boom Boom DuBois?
I lost my heart to her.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What happened after she ate your liver?
He jumped up and down screaming "The chickens are coming!"
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So what did he say when you asked him why the chicken crossed the road?
Spit or swallow. Those are the only choices.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
::having a hard time thinking of a question that isn't gross::
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Come on, you can do it, exercise your mind a little. Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
I can't exercise it, it's stuck in the gutter.
::calls tow truck::
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
After swallowing half of his cow that momma had caught for his dinner, baby python decided he wasn't that hungry. His momma looked at him and said, " "
lame...but clean
I beg of you, please don't ever do that again. It feels to good.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That is neither a Peruvian Spit Robin nor a Yellow Breasted Swallow. Can I guess a Hornnosed Woodpecker?
{Me and Tammy posted together, but mine almost works with hers. Well, if you force it. If not, change "Can I guess a Honnosed Woodpecker" to "What do you think of my imitation of a Honnosed Woodpecker."}
That is neither disgusting or dirty.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
i like it!
praises Tammy
(edited for unintended smiley)
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Oh good one Dan....
go with Dan's!
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
also praise to dan!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
spit or swallow...
How did watermelon seed contests get started?
It's a new world record!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's that you say about the Book of Mormon, Mr. Crazy LDS Guy?
I lost my glow-in-the-dark chain mail underwear.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I heard you went to the Renn Fair this weekend. How was it?
Dancer wasn't dancing. Prancer wasn't prancing. But Blitzen was blitzed, so it was almost the typical Christmas.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So how was Christmas at the "Santa and his Old Lady commune"?
A pinch for Santa, a pinch for the reindeer, another pinch for Santa....
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I heard Mrs. Claus was acting like a real Ho ho ho. How was the rest of the party?
{That's two simo-posts for the day, but this one works}
Here comes Santa Claus.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I heard that Santa Clause gets really pissed when we post non-questions or answers in Begging the Question. I heard that he kills people when that happens.
Yogurt just isn't the same without crack.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Reporter: I understand that the cook here at the rehab center has been dealing. He was recently fired for it, in fact. Do you have any comments?
Ding ding ding ding ding.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What does a bell sound like after a Dong-ectomy?
Ding Dong V.S. Twinkie. mmmm.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Who's on Celebrity Death Match tonight?
A pickled herring named Clive.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who are you talking to in there?
Well, this looks like another fine mess you've gotten us into.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did the compulsive eating Army enlisted man say to his enabling buddy?
76 Trombones in the Big Parade!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what exactly did you throw at people?
I forgot to put up the "Dont break my heart" sign.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Why is the Holiday Inn cleaning lady blowing kisses at you?
Because after that he lived in abject terror, doubting he would ever feel safe again.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why did the chicken go into hiding after he crossed the highway?
And on your left, Mount Doom! Hey ladies, look over there! This happens very rarely on our tour... Its Legolas! Hi Leggy!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
*while taking the tour bus in fantasy land*
Hey look..over there on the right..isn't that Duke Atreides? See him..over there?
No..you are grounded. No more shuttles will be leaving this year.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
<whining>"Uncle Owen, can I go into Tashi Station and pick up some power converters, and then sneak off to the academy?"
It's got Robo-Grip Fighting Action!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's new with your mother-in-law?
Same chainmail, different day.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Wait- you don't have to wash it every day?
He was found choking on a cat, a cow, and several small mushrooms.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I understand that you found a young man from Brobdingnag. What was he doing when you found him?
Lilliput doesn't have putt-putt golf.
Posted by Crazy Eddie (Member # 4208) on :
Why do you think that they're doing a particle physics experiment?
Roughly 2% of all posts on this forum.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How large was the previously longest thread on this forum?
Tie dyed and tuckered out.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How'd you feel after going to Woodstock?
For the love of Pete, turn it off.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What did Pete want me to do with the tv?
Well then..
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
I swear if you say one more thing Im gonna go insane.
Lets see, 3+4 then carry the 2, divided by 6, um...
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Could you please come up to the board and explain last night's homework? (says the teacher who knows you didn't do it to begin with.) No, that's next week.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Hey why does it say "over 70's nitting class"? Isn't this the cross dressers theme night?
Press down and push stupid.
[This message has been edited by jebus202 (edited October 08, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How can I award my curiosity?
How wonderful..
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Ewan McGregor: "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in wooooords....shoot, what's my line?"
Jack didn't, but Jill said, "Pickles!"
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hello Dr. Seuss, it's wonderful to interview you again! You have a new book out on the classic Jack and Jill story. Can you share a line with us you chose not to put in the story?
Damn dog. I'm going to have to get all new underwear at this rate.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Police Officer: So, ma'am, they were diggin up the yard for the pool, and they found...the remains of your missing husband, and about five pairs of chewed-up panties...do you have anything to say for yourself?
A scrumdidlyumptious bar!!
[edited because i felt like it]
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited October 08, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What was your favorite part of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory?
Three blind mice.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Really, do you have something in your pocket?
Only lasagna, and your sister. And maybe some postage stamps. But only if they're thirty three cent ones.
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
Welcome to Mancino's restaraunt. What would you like to order?
Because I ran out of laundry detergent.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Mikey! Why are you feeding your baby brother Pine-Sol?
It's a masterpiece. Unfortunately, it also stinks.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you complete your culinary tribute to gorgonzola?
Peter and Wendy, without any lost boys.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What would the mature version of Peter Pan have?
It's just dinner.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hannibal! What did you hide in the oven?
I don't think you'll be able to see him. He's very shy.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
May I talk to The SilverBlue Sun?
42 pages and counting...
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
How far have you gotten in Dune - House Corrino?
It is very dangerous to say such a thing outloud. Be careful.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So, is this Orson Scott Card guy, like, a writer?
Green, sometimes purple, but NEVER red.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Reporter to Elisabeth Taylor, "Liz tell us, what color are your eyes...really?
Because he dropped like a diving bell...that's why he won't do that again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why won't the Jolly Green Giant help out at Sea World any more. The Valley girl answers, "Well, like..."
Down in the valley of the Jolly Green Giant.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ouch. What is this hard tin filling in my pillow and where did you get it?
I will not let this die.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you giving mouth-to-mouth to a carrot?!?
Yes, but never one in red high heels.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so excited, haven't you ever seen a drag race before?
I'm just a paperclip on the manila folder of life.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I know you're feeling insignificant, but the Office Supply Manager is a very respectable position...now, will you put down the letter opener?
The day is mine!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Are you sure it's Thursday?
Oh, ok. I saw the chicken coming, but could you warn me next time if you're going to use noodles?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, waht did you think of our little Haunted take out place?
No, I ordered Orange Roughy and a side of baked beans.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Here's you blue flounder and stewed beans sir. Is there anything else?
Get me the head of Prince Charming.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Sir, is it true your wife left you for prince charming?
Sorry, I don't eat people who can double as a noodle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is Tuesday still Prince Spagetti day? (New Yorkers will get this one)
Havin' a gila!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
And what type of monster might ya be gnawing on mate?
Simply because most of us spent our childhood winters forced into puffy parkas like Pillsbury Dough Girls.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where did you come up with that cool name for your all girl rock band?
We are the United Baby Seal Coalition.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Why are you picketing outside the annual Clubbin' Club meeting? Who do you think you are?
I'm not handling the guilt of Catholicism very well.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Don't rend your clothes. You may use them later.
I found milk a year ago sittin in a pail It's been sittin since a year ago NOW IT'S CHEESE
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What's that green stuff ya got in that pail?
Because he loved not wisely, but too well.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Oh, Mr. Bobbit. Why?
press the button or die
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We can play craps or electronic poker. What should I do?
A single dice is a die.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats with you and the that dice?
I did it for the wookie.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you spray Rogaine over your entire body?
I personally declared war on an uninhabited island.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How was your Canadian vacation?
It was the first time I had ever been spanked, and I loved it. Then I vomited.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How was your American Vacation?
You gotta love Las Vegas.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how was your trip to Paris and Venice?
Orange marmalade on a stale bagel.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's tastier than a bump the thread on rye?
Radioactive ear plugs, I'm afraid.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Wait, why is that glowing stuff taking over his earwax?
Oooh, rack. I like rack.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Spanish Inquisition: Do you WISH to be tied to the rack?
I didn't know they could make those cordless.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Well, we've hooked up your intravenous drip, Mr. Miller. How do you feel?
Dammit, nurse! More suction!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Don't tell me he tried to shotgun another McDonald's shake, did he????!!!!
Someone ought to have predicted this.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear they busted that fake Jamacian 900 line psychic?
I know all the answers but that one.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited October 20, 2002).]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So Kissinger, if power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, why are all the girls you get ugly?
A four night stand followed by marriage.
Hobbes
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, how did you two meet?
The audio version of the book made me do it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How can you blame the Koran for driving you to terrorist acts? You can't even read!
The Devil made me do it.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why did you yank on St. Peter's beard while you were waiting at the Pearly Gates?
Only if I can have it with Strawberry jam on top.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited October 21, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Do you want this bod?
It's the great pumpkin, charlie brown.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Who is the one person you'll never meet at a Jenny Craig center?
They seem to come in clusters.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Everytime I think this thread is dead, and it goes days without a post, suddenly it pops back to life. How did all these posts get here?
I bet Larry is your favorite stooge.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So I here you your having problems with baseless assumptions?
Bet not.
Hobbes
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Do you know how confusing homonymns can be?
A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who do you think you are Merry Poppins?
Wow, monkeys really did fly out of my butt.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Was visiting the wicked witch of the west everything you thought it would be?
kewl
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited October 21, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do people who are too cool for cool spell cool?
Thats legolastounding.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you believe I built an entire scale model of Middle Earth out of Lego blocks?
An ornate cell phone.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What did you use to call me from that fancy dungeon?
Blue--no, red--no, blue--no, purple!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
The red pill will make you rich, the blue will make you happy. Which do you choose?
Throw it in a blender, turn on high. Wala, chicken smoothie.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did Julia Child do when her oven blew up?
Porcelain cats, everywhere!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What is your decoration tip?
Oh yea, baby!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Have ya ever et a baby? Wull, giss wut's fer supper...
The Apple-atch-ee-uns.
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Yes, but how do I really know for sure you're a West Virginian?
toenail clippings in the sink
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What made you decide to clean the bathroom after all this time?
The smaller the better.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are you hoping she will say?
Voldemorte versus the Volcano
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What was the man of that Harry Potter spin-off?
Eh, what i can i say. It's a living.
(lol, good one Raven)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you are a 35 year old stuntman for Harry Potter?
Yeah? Well she's a liar, cause I like... don't even know her..... Ok, look heres what happened, we were like.... walking by and she grabbed a hammer and said: "If you don't steal some money, I'll freakin kill you" and I like, didn't want to die or nothing, so I did what she said. Plus I though YOU would be there to help me! Where were you, is what I should be asking! I though you guys HELP the little poor defenseless guys out! Hey, look over there. *takes off*
Posted by Stringbean (Member # 4163) on :
What is a horrible excuse for committing a crime?
Because she said so.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why on earth did you rob a victoria secrets store for?
Ooooo, thats shiney.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Would you rather have this non-descript book (with the answers to all the questions man has ever asked) or this large ball of tin foil?
Shhhh! He'll hear you!
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited October 23, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
WHAT THE #$@#$@ DO YOU MEAN YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A LARGE GIANT LIZARD WITH THE TASTE FOR MANFLESH!!!! WHERE'S MY PANTS?
They are in the icebox with the jello and tuna mixture.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So you say you still keep in contact with your previous girl-freinds?
8 1/2
Hobbes
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How many children do you have?
Does the professor know what you're up to?
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Mary Ann & Ginger are at it again.
I, Gilligan, am going to go answer the eternal question once and for all..I'm going to try a few simple experiments and decide which one is The Ideal Female . Wish me luck.
Because he wears a nice hat and works for Martha Stewart.
[This message has been edited by Tammy (edited October 23, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is that prisoner so popular with the other inmates?
It's a tsunami of love!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Just what exactly is it about Hatrack that keeps us all so attentive and addicted?
Because one was a dud and the other just blew away.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you so mad at the Tornado in a Can industry?
You'd have to tie me in a sack to stop me.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
It looks like you have multiple personality disorder, as you think that you are both Pippen and Mary, I suggest that you stop watching LOTR.
Alpha channel
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call the channel that automatically comes on every time you turn on the TV in a hotel?
It gave me the heebie jeebies, that's for sure!
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Ive always wondered how you felt when you were carried away by the white Gorillas?
Classic pose. Legs crossed and arms folded
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How did Freud ask his wife to marry him?
In a jet powered car soaring over the desert, driven by drunken monkeys.
Hobbes
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Where did Dorothy end up when George Lucas tried his own version of The Wizard of Oz?
Grilled cheese and three and a half cherry tomatoes.
[edited to make sense]
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited October 25, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I heard your wife was a sensation in the new vegie tale play. What was she wearing?
The NOISE is Driving me crazy!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of my Numerical Origami Integrated Semiconductor Equation? (N.O.I.S.E. for short)
Peaches and creamora.
Posted by Vna (Member # 3262) on :
What's your favorite flavor of oatmeal?
Hangnails.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
What's your favorite flavor of Oatmeal?
Twenty, thirty, forty... no wait, twelve.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
How many slices of meatloaf can you cram in your mouth at one time?
And by the time I got there it had melted completely.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So your homework was taken by Iraqi spies and dropped on the space shuttle launch pad just before liftoff?
I find that hard to believe--LIAR!
Posted by Vna (Member # 3262) on :
Did I ever tell you that Dan_raven is my hero?
But the kittens - the kittens!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Kama is hot.
Oh, you are a potted plant. So dirty...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Does it look like I "get around"?
Supreme dedication to the pope.
Posted by Severian (Member # 2465) on :
So what made you switch deodorants?
You're sitting in it now.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What was Gary Larson's Cartoon example of conversation stoppers?
Bill Waterson.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was Gary Larson's Cartoon example of conversation stoppers?
Charles Schulz.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Who wanted a pet iguana for his birthday when he was a young boy, but ended up being influenced beyond belief by a present he got instead.
Tasted cheesy and unmistakably smelly, kind of like 1,000 year old eggs.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
How was your blind date?
Uggggghhhhhhhhh ooga booga wa wahhhh.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How many times will Gary Larson influnce this thread?
The flower children of the moon.
Hobbes
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
There is only one hope for eternal happiness, and do you know who makes sure that we get that?
Com'n, give me a smiley.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Oh Mr. Evil Tax collector, I've given you all my money, my house, my wife and my pet goldfish. What more do you ask of me?
One small step for mankind, one backrub for me.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
It appears that the laws against you ever venturing into public places have been repealed.
#include <stdlib.h>
Hobbes
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How the heck do I get to use the stud of liberty function?
Power to heal, power to wear
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I like the idea of Turbo Tommy Transvestite as a super hero. What phrase will he call out to gain his powers?
Now I've gut a headache that just won't go away.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You shouldn't look into the barrel of a loaded spud cannon.
He photocopied his but and stapled it to his forehead.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did he get conjunctionitis?
He's got a huge spread down South.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What are they saying about The Bob Scopatz Fan Club?
Making decisions is evil.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What conclusion did you come to after buying that swampland in Florida?
Bob
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in some swampland in Florida?
Purgatory lite!!!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Tired of the same old fattening Hell? Well, then, guess what can help you with your problems?
There's only ONE way to eat a Reese's.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you punishing all these trick-or-treaters?
The giant trackball of desire.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was that cute name your arcade sweetheart called you?
The Joystick of power.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hmmmmm, what should I use to defeat my virtual enemies?
Hmmmm, smells like we are going to lose.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Oh my God!!! Did you just soil your chain mesh underwear?!!!
Bowling for Cauliflower.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What was one of the contests at the International Vegan Day Celebration?
Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of Melonade...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You've patented a device that renders urine drinkable?!?
My body rejected it, actually, but thanks anyway.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Did you like the drinkable urine?
No, he just said, "Bah bah black sheep, have you any fish?"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Was that Hal singing "Daisy" again?
A perch of birch is all I desire.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What could I give you to "light your fire"?
Wipe that silly grin off your face!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My goodness you've been attacked by Dr. Sticker. He's covered your entire body in ugly clashing stickers. Here is a rag,...
Randy ran on the red rug.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you still roll your "R's"?
It's got mighty kung fu grip!
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why is that lizard clinging to your ear?
Yellow orange, green grape, black olive
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Concentrate man! Time is running out!! We need to figure out which food item Dr. Malevolent put the Urine Bomb into! We've narrowed it down to three...what are they again?
You and your fancy-pants "good grammar"...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did your evil grandma say to you when she saw you with your good grandma?
I'd like to buy the world a Coke.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Dr. Pepper, you just won the Cola Wars, what do you want to do next?
My that was all touchy feely wasn't it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did the new convert say after his baptism?
Put it on my tab.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Dr. Pepper, you just won the Cola Wars, How will you pay for it all?
I remember TAB. It tasted like Dr. Pepper without the taste.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What was it like drinking my famous elixer of youth, which I have dubbed "The Age Bane," or TAB?
I should never have bought the generic brand of corn syrup.
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited November 01, 2002).]
Posted by Cedrios (Member # 1744) on :
What's with the nasty smell all over you every morning?
For American Great.
[This message has been edited by Cedrios (edited November 01, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You joined F.A.G.???
Florida voters.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's that you keep in your car so you can go in the carpool lane?
I have a peanut.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
You think just because I'm an elephant I'm going to do circus tricks?
But I'm so itchy!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
No, I'm Itchy, your Scratchy.
I never get the two of them mixed up.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Those are your knick-knacks? Why are they in two boxes?
burning burning burning burning O Lord Thou pluckest me out O Lord Though pluckest
burning
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it just me or is it hotter than Hell in here?
Perhaps I was making license plates.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you lost your memory and you don't know where that backwards number on your forehead came from?
I want Sprite, not club soda.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you carrying that nymph in a seltzer bottle?
I went to a disinterested party.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Hey, Bob, you're back early. Weren't you going out to pick up chicks?
After all, they're my public too!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You urinated on the public works?
asdfghjkl;'
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hello subconscious of my patient. I was wondering. Could you tell me something about this poor saps early life?
Mmmmmmmm, 66 slices of unprocessed cheese.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited November 04, 2002).]
What did Homer say after the sex change operation and his new employment as a cop?
Pink, green, pink, green, black. Oops.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's your favorite color?
I want to stop feeling.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
In the ill-fated romance between a naked mole rat and his porcupine lover, what was the final line the rat uttered before succumbing to his injuries?
It goes by way too fast. Make it stop.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What do you have against merry-go-rounds?
Why, my uncle Orson, of course!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Who was that strange man I saw you kissing yesterday?
Hamsters.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is your greatest fear?
I know Gromit! We'll go someplace where there's cheese!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
These finger sandwiches are great! What kind of meat is this?
EDIT: crud, Ludosti jumped in front of me!
Sno-Caps.
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited November 05, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why did you have so many colds this year?
Dreams or reality just pick one
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Lets see, should I have a dream, some reality or a Pepsi One?
Run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm gonna print out all 45 pages of this thread and tape them together, then...what should I do with them?
A g-string from Layne Bryant.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's better than a jock strap from Kobe Bryant?
I'm pretty sure that'll clear up all on its own.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I got diagnosed with HIV yesterday...what should I do about it?
Yes. And that's why I'm irresistable.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you ride a glacier to work?
Talk about a meteoric rise!!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is my erection noticable?
I tasted the rainbow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is your tongue all black?
It's either Hebrides or New Hebrides.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
At the gay poligamists' wedding who was standing next to the He-Groom?
It must have been Slash.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I can't believe Guns 'n' Roses are back on tour. They're no good anymore. I think they've lost something.
I'm always the last to know and the first to feel the burning sensation.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So your pyromania has relapsed, has it?
My socks are much too cold for that.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
Ever tried walking on water?
I can't swim.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so worried about Global Warming?
I'm looking for a stuffed animal that looks like my ex-wife.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that a box of needles and a gallon of goat's blood?
I was outstanding in my field.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When did you get struck by lightening for the thirty second time this year?
Come on, that was to easy.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
How did you do on the SAT?
My cell phone and a pen. Nothing else.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, what'd you eat for lunch, O eater of metal and plastics?
The Wife of Bath.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you get at the Bridal Shower?
Soap on a rope.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What can I use to clean out my esophagus?
The great state of Florida.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Can you give me an example of an "oxymoron"?
Sitting on top of the world.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where are you if all the houses look like roll-ons?
A pizza with everything and a broken harmonica.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Welcome to the House of Blues. What can I start you off with tonight?
Beg, borrow, or steal.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Thank you for your order. And how would you like to pay for that?
A mink stole!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tom Mink is up for 3 counts of armed robbery. Isn't he from that gospel group, the Holy Minks?
Holy Minks, Batman, its the stolen stole.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What did Robin say to you just before you pummeled him to a bloody smear?
I'm done with this Kleenex. You can have it back now.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Any of you fine ladies want to give me a token of your affection?
Oh, you mean this? It's just a prosthetic.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why Grandma, what big ears you have.
All the better. All the better.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why was Satan so gleeful when he got to harvest souls at the OTB parlor?
I have this pamphlet that explains it all.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, the only true religion is atheism?
The Pelican Boxers
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What do the guys who "work" in the PIA area here call their softball team?
It's tough, but tasty.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call lawyers who show up for court unprepared?
Snap, Crackle and Die!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So let me get this straight. You stab the deer with a butcher's knife and eat its heart out before it's dead?
I just don't understand you!
edit: Whoa. Bob's post has been there for over an hour but didn't show up until I posted. Crazy...
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited November 08, 2002).]
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Why don't you take off those headphones so you can hear me?
Only a moron would think he could get away with it.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
What? Be so in love with the new cool CGI effects that his whole movie is computer animated, including the pears on a character's dinner plate?
Yep, I have lost every last one of them and I am proud of it!
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hey, I heard you lost your virginity....how was it?
Hiding. Quietly. In the closet.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Geesh I can't believe I actually let you set me up with a blind date...btw..where is he?
Because he's into rugged individualism.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Why did that lumberjack take a dump in my bushes when there's a bathroom right here?
10 biscuits and some lard.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Oh man, my mom gave me Tuna again. What did your mom give you for lunch?
Its supposed to be one of those "bonding" experiences.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again why you put crazy glue on the toilet seat?
Accidently on purpose.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you put crazy glue on my toliet seat?!?
I could have used that you know.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Can you believe that I found your machete in the trunk of my car?
He's related to Flash Gordon.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Tell me again, just why did he commit suicide?
It's electric. Boogy woogy woogy.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Is your nose-cleaner battery-powered or manual?
Winona Ryder.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
How in the world are you going to buy your dress, your maid of honors dress and 16 bridesmaid dresses with only $400? Exactly who's going to help you accomplish that?
Because the man from Mars stopped eating bars, now he only eats guitars.
Posted by The Notorious Mr Meme (Member # 3958) on :
Why are you praying to the monkey god?
Yeah, so you talk to fish. Give me my car keys back.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Aquaman: Batman, Im not stealing your batmobile. Don't you know who I am?
The monkey was fluent in German.
Posted by Mazzic (Member # 2185) on :
Why on earth were you up there dancing the polka with that monkey?
But the bear knew what way to turn.
Posted by The Notorious Mr Meme (Member # 3958) on :
So why'd you leave the monkey?
That was a ripper.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who's listed in the phone book before Jack The Ripper?
You are quite the cut up.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So did I tell you I got a job at Enron?
The Mets are going to the World Series.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, your son made a birthday wish and all you can do is lie? Quick, lets test it out.
Im not sure but it involved a sock, cheesecake, and rope. Lots of rope.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
OK, I got drunk and then the stripper showed up. What happened next?
I'm disappointed yet again.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you hear that they already got someone to play the part of Bongo the Bear in that new Broadway show?
It sounded like a portuguese-speaking Arabian from the Bronx....
Posted by The Notorious Mr Meme (Member # 3958) on :
Was that your mother?
He's been rubbing bald monkeys again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I heard Bob is back to his old hobbies. Which one is it this time?
I figured Pi to the 1,000th place, then had lunch.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Did you do anything productive today?
Gosh, I just LOVE you, Corporal. *giggle*
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Sarge, any signs of Iraqi nerve gas?
Brains are a terrible thing to waste.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You used Tabasco sauce on them?
I found it in my pants.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So where was the neighbor's parakeet?
Warm, with a slight chance of snow.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
You say the weatherman has finally gone off the edge? Why what was his forecast for today?
Cheese.Cheese .CHEESE
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Now put your face in the live alligators mouth and say cheese.
That's what I call a face off.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What operation can turn a cube into a box?
Help is on the way.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Batman, I keep getting this darn printing error. Can you come over and get me set up?
Oooooo, egg nog!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Hey! Here comes Nog! What should we do?
5 pounds.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What can I get for $7.50 U.S.?
I write better with a stolen pen.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You broke into the bank at midnight with an assortment of tools, and you want us to believe you were only trying to cut the stupid chains off of the pens. Why would anyone do that?
Engelbert and Humperdink would.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Who would want to start a war in this wonderful world?
Because I couldn't decide which peach to pick.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why were you doing "eenie meanie miney moe" in the middle of the produce section?
I fart in your general direction!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Honey, what do you do when I'm not around?
Please remove all snap bracelets.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's your advice for all our 80's time travellers?
Go ahead - punch me!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I enjoy the "tape a note to someone's back" practical joke as much as anyone, but on your own grandmother? What does it say?
I'd never seen a man so terrified of squirrels.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Have you met my uncle Alvin?
Abraham Lincoln and Q-bert.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ooops. They were supposed to print our bussiness cards as Abraham, Lincoln, and Alberts--Mobile Gynocologists. What did they put on the card?
I'm Henry the 8th I am.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Okay sweetie, do you remember what to say when the teacher asks what your name is?
French-fried.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Erm, you want your lobster how?
He was wearing a diaper!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the big deal? Everyone needs a change every once in a while.
Driving Miss Lazy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where were you when the lights went out on Hatrack?
I plead the fifth of scotch.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Dude - you were so wasted last night! What did you end up getting tattoed across your butt?
Everybody hurts sometimes.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited November 15, 2002).]
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
They only played REM at your prom? What was the theme?
Well you said to shove you into the shallow water before you got to deep.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
glub blub glub-glub, glub?
I am not that shallow.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Are you Robert Shallow?
That lime will pay dearly.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Ok, relax, what do you mean a fruit stole your tootsy roll pop?
Well then I felt the only right thing to do was milk him one last time.
Posted by Chaeron (Member # 744) on :
What did you do after you frightened that bull to death?
It's Mr. Tails; he's got a B.A. in nannas, folks.
[This message has been edited by Chaeron (edited November 15, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's so clever about your monkey?
I like to watch.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You know, your grass will grow whether or not you're out here in your lawnchair.
Not since I was a Boy Scout.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Have you ever sacrificed someone to satan by tieing them up and setting them on fire?
It reads: Bad luck and misfortune will follow you to the rest of your days.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you read my palm? Just ignore the scars, stitches, and puncture wounds.
I'm the daddy. That's why!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you putting your mouth on my stomach and making those ptttfttftt sounds?
I had finally seen heaven. It had a minibar and everything!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why did you look so dazed after your dentist appointment?
I know you are, but what am I?
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Pee Wee, has anyone ever told you what an amazingly talented actor you are?
The surrealistic adventure that will become your world.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What is the Matrix?
The monkey liked it, but I just fell and cried "Kleenex!"
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did they think of the trick where you blow a banana out of your noses.
It's better than blowing it out of somewhere else.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why would you hold your birthday blow out at Chucky Cheese's?
I didn't read the fine print.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you sign the petition to keep the Anna Nicole show on the air?
Silly Boy. You are a silly, silly boy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come when I look in the mirror all I see is a reflection of Pauley Shore?
Hey budddd-deeeee!!!
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Your wife Dee, or some beer: Which do you want more?
Falling.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Blind person: "In what way would you say you are failing? Hello? Hello?"
It's been in my pocket since last December.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That's the worst looking sprig of Mistletoe I've ever seen.
Thank you. I spent hours on my makeup.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I see you're wearing protection. How's it going?
Ink stains on my shirt!
EDIT: Dang, Dan beat me to it! Oh well, this sort of works for his too.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited November 18, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...being attacked by that squid was pretty bad, huh? What's worse, being a parapalegic or losing both your eyes?
A pack of Hulkamaniacs.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats that huge group of really big buff green guys up there?
Its the way I do business.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that Monopoly money?
They smelled new.
(p.s. Hulkamaniacs aren't green.)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you like my new compost heaps?
(p.s. I know. I was taking what you wanted me to refer to and turned it into The Hulk, and green giant but I don't think I need to tell you that )
Please don't say that right now.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited November 18, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That?
It was like watching two dogs sniffing butts.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What did you think about the two Trekkies giving each other the Vulcan LiveLongAndProsper sign?
Disable Smilies in This Post. NOW.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Are you about why I am so or do I need to you some more - ?
On the other hand, I got all this...
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited November 19, 2002).]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
As you can see, I have nothing up my sleeve, and nothing in this hand....
Thank God the dinosaur diarama is done.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you know that the pope is coming over for dinner?
(I tried. I really tried. But I was flabbergasted).
Where'd my chain mesh underwear go?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who thinks that the penalty for posting a question where an answer is required should be a broadsword to the groin?
Yes. Three hours and three fingers later...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you accidently walked into the Canibal Family Reunion instead of the Wenches gathering. Were you able to leave?
That was the second best one yet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Enjoying the new baby? (okay, this is sort of sick after the cannibal reference, but... )
A heavenly chorus told me.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Are you sure I ought to order the rye instead of the foccacia? I really like foccacia.
Upward behind the onstreaming it mooned.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's a poetic way of saying "a loser flashed the crowd from his handglider?"
At least he didn't buy porno.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear that T just bought the new Jello Gone Wild video?
Its funnier coming from me.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Incorrect punctuation is not humorous, young man!
Yes. Just like Snoop Dogg.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
So you have fleas..hun?
Because I thought hotmail...was hotmale.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you keep sending me those emails?
No, and bears do not eat jedi's either.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm going to feed you to the bears if you don't start to use your punctuation correctly. Is that what you want?
This is why I hate Christmas.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you get that mistletoe shoved down your throat?
Unwelcome advances are still advances nonetheless.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear we are able to clone slugs and use their brains to cure brain damage?
My punctuation is hardly the problem.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you lapsed into a comma?
It had a child-proof cap.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why did you think giving your baby a bottle of sleeping pills as a chew toy was a good idea?
It's sort of like mixing chocolate chips with orange jello.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's it like when Ralphie tries to start a serious thread?
Sure, but that can be said of alot of people.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You are not as funny as Bob.
I am, but no one else thinks so.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you aware that I think you're way funnier than I am?
It's a guy thing...sortof.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's this "onanism" I hear so much about?
I wandered into a wild dodgeball game.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Now, let me get this straight....that bruise is because you got hit with this?? With a hamster in its ball??
Head straight down to tomorrow, take a left past yesterday, and take today to the moon.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you write a "Thor" post?
The Will Wheaton School of Acting.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Darnation. I just got kicked out of the Will Shatner school of acting. Who would take me now?
Not I, said the octopus.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is this a PrOn version of Eight Legged Freaks?! Who rented this?
Yes. Except for the part about the weasels.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Is it true you kidnapped the teacher through them in a sack with weasle and then brutally murdered them?
Loopy like a one eyed kruton!
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
How loopy is Thor?
Yes, all of the monkeys.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
So then you escaped from the circus? Who helped you with that?
Home, home on the range.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Hey honey, I thought you packed up that leftover chilli for me to eat for lunch. Where is it?
Red and white, with just a splash of blue.
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
What color is the new Canadian flag?
I did it for the badgers
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
what in heaven's name happend to your eyebrows?!
well, it was buy one get one free day.
Posted by Frameshifter (Member # 2967) on :
Why is it you have two cases of Depends?
Well, i started with just two.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How did you get into the rabbit-farming business?
The grinch stole it.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hey, what happened to your Christmas spirit?
I was walking in the night, and I saw nothing scary...
(edit was to correct the quote)
[This message has been edited by jeniwren (edited November 22, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You lost your virginity on Christmas?
That's the spirit!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ok Mr. Scrooge searched the police line up. They had Casper, Marley, The Ghost of Christmas Past and present. Then he noticed that murderous Ghost of Christmas Future. He turned to the detecive, pointed to the Ghost, and yelled....
Dickens was a 19th century writer.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Alright class, what is the etymology of the phrase "scared the Dickens out of me"?
On Dancer! On Prancer! On Comet! Eh, Vixen, c'mere babe...
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Vixen to Rudolph: Where were you on the night of December 23?
Never mind....
[edited cause I'm stupid and forgot to put a new answer]
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited November 22, 2002).]
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
Why is there a rooster in your pants?
I can't imagine how that got there
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you tell me how I woke up to find your name tatooed on my backside?
It's like regular billiards, but with land mines.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ever play Iraqi 8-Ball?
You sank my battleship.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why did you just imbed those stupid pegs in my face?
GOOOOTTA DANCE!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you pick up Bob's Faucet like I asked? (Laugh politely, that was my 1,000,000th pun!)
That's the whole trouble, you NEVER see them coming.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Where do students at the Great Obsequious Ostrich Oogling Overtly Transexual Tickle Academy go for fun on a Friday night?
The crowds gathered like lemmings at the shore.
[edit:Hmm...guess i was a little late, but i don't get Bob's pun anyway, so i'll just leave this here ]
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited November 22, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Never since ancient times of Yore Had one dared pun a mill. or more When Bob had pun 1 million one
Its not a question but a limerick will do.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
If someone got Bob's millionth pun, I'd love to be in on the fun, so please share the joke like a friendly old bloke! And now this bad poem is done.
They call them wisdom teeth but I don't feel any more wiser.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that where the term "smart mouth" comes from?
It may not work, but it IS solar powered.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you really think I could.... uh.... fly to England on this new and improved Harry Potter broom stick?
Its a car, but its sure full of vanity.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I said I wanted a vanity!! That is a dressing table, what is that you brought??
The Chariots don't come by here any more.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I'm looking for Julius Ceaser, did he come through this way?
An octopus, an oil tanker, and a quart of milk.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What were the most unrealistic props in the new James Bond movie?
Live and let die.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What does that doctor guy who kills people say?
There are a thousand tiny nipples inside my head!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Breast or thigh?
They don't make a cork big enough.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Help me! I'm talking and I can't shut up.
I'm afraid you've stunted it now.
Posted by Beaver Dick Leigh (Member # 2174) on :
Is this thread gonna be as long as the original Wenches' Tavern thread?
It's gonna be a hot time in the old town tonight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Is satan coming over to visit again?
I'd definately be a lung donar for you, but no way am I smuggling soft foods for you all the way to Utah.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Darn Chewing Tobacco. Due to it I lost a lung and my mouth is so sick I can't eat any real Missouri food. Can you help?
You can't kill the immortal thread.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father - are you prepared to die?
Stop! In the name of hate.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Are you sure this the the sword that kills all immortals? *stabs thread*
Try explaining that to the doctor.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I SWEAR! I WAS SLEEPING WHEN IT CRAWLED UP THERE!
It's not that bad.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Broccoli is EVIL I tell you. It is the worst, cruelest, most bad of the bad things there ever was.
I can't tell you the truth. You can't handle the truth.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What time is it?
Four, not counting the one I ate.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How many cats did you say you had?
I choose you.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you like to buy a male sheep or a female?
Shhh! It's time for my drum solo.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Unlike these other slaves, I have a song and dance routine that went to broadway.
I can't believe he's roadkill.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Whatever happened to the guy who said "The road to hell is paved with good intentions?"
It's the next new type of connector!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
They say that the Sir Ector clones are all con-men. What kind of con-man is he?
It is the end of days.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited November 26, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does it mean when the sun goes down?
Blame it on Rio.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Whatever happened to Duran Duran, anyway.
I missed the bus.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Frisco why are you asking me for a ride? Shouldn't you be asking someone who doesn't have two broken legs to drive you home? (I was thrown from a cliff..don't ask)
Because he thinks he's like Mary Poppins, "Practically perfect in every way".
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is Peter Pan flying around without his tights on?
Well, he WAS wearing an eyepatch.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What makes you think the Cyclops is going to have a tough day?
My name is Callisto.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Aren't you that girl? you know...the warrior? The princess girl, you know -- with the "Aiyaiyaiai" and the metal disk thingee you throw and the ambiguous relationship w/ your sidekick, and that silly slapstick guy who follows you around and...why are you staring at me like that?
Two eggrolls and some sushi in a pear tree.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
On the first day of Festivus, my true love gave to me...What the heck is that????
Sugar and spice and a quart of motor oil.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What are little Z4 Roadsters made of?
Because he tends to refer to weddings as funerals.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why doesn't the grim reaper have a girl friend?
Thanks for nothing, Aquaman.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
The head of giant seahorse on your pillow as a warning! Who would do that?
I said I wanted the Manila folder!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
This here is Manuel from the Phillipines. He is the fastest freaking fleece folder since Sam Sniff of Switzerland. Is he the one you wanted?
It is a far better thing I do than I have ever done before.
Posted by Burzmali (Member # 3872) on :
But why dance the Swan Lake routine in the middle of the park at night with just a pair of briefs on?
Because I knew I could get it right.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Why did you order right handed scissors when you're left handed?
Left, left, left right left.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it me, or are we just making a big circle?
I'd move Heaven and Earth!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I dunno...how badly do you want my used chain mesh undies?
Two dollars and change.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
I dunno...how badly do you want my used chain mesh undies?
Jean leBaton! Jean leBaton!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What shall we name the baby?
He was wearing a lapel pin that said so.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did you know he was a Sauron Orc?
The Dragon was drag racing the drake.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You know, the Tortoise in the Hare doesn't have enough alliteration in it, and it makes it kind of boring. What could I write that would be more fun for the kids?
Finders keepers.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Will you please give me back my chain mesh undies?
Somewhere between silence and purple.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Honey, stop playing games with me. The match is about to start, now, where did you leave the remote control?
I dunno, I thought you were gonna do it.
Posted by BootNinja (Member # 2296) on :
who started this 48 page thread?
It keeps going and going and going.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You didn't put an energizer battery in that harry potter broomstick did you?
And to think, it all started with a boot to the head.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
So how did Canadians get that accent of theirs?
It tastes like fresh cherries.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you mean that Road Kill Chilli doesn't taste chicken. What does it taste like?
A pizza with everything on it.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
God, what does heaven taste like?
Because the universe just doesn't work that way.
[Edit, was answering the cherry one, but the pizza one works too ]
[This message has been edited by Xavier (edited December 03, 2002).]
Posted by BootNinja (Member # 2296) on :
Why can't my teddy bear talk to me?
I thought I had a friend...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And, do you have insurance to cover today's visit?
I thought this was Bourbon Street.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you carrying a kayak, a plastic cup, and two liters of coke?
They should've sent a poet.
Posted by BootNinja (Member # 2296) on :
What do you mean I'm supposed to speak in rhymes?
I'll just have to wing it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I know it'd be cool to tell people, but I don't think you can shoot a bald eagle.
8 monkeys and a parrot for translation.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What should I wear to a wedding reception at Margaritaville?
Orange crud pickers, Unite!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What should we do? The yellow and blue crud pickers are marching against us?
Run for the Mountains. Head for the bush.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Greenie Camper: Wheres the bathroom?
Of course I can help. They don't call me sue for nothing!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
I just bought 34,000 strands of Christmas lights and plugged them all into the same socket and burnt my house to the ground. Can't you help me hoist the blame onto somebody else?
Every person who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips should be boiled in his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How do you like my new tattoo?
This is an outrage! I demand a second opinion!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you my mother?
The birds and the bees.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the name to that new sequel of Hitchcocks movie, "The Birds"?
Do it one more time. Once is never enough.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Do I jam the knife in my neck like this?
I'm sorry, but I am currently trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Flyby, the short bus is here. What are you doing?
Mmmm...64 slices of American cheese.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What are you putting in your backpack?
Uh, I just said, "All the pizza is in the freezer."
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You can't hide the proof from me. Don't cram that whole Domimo's deluxe into your mouth and think I won't notice. Don't talk with your mouth full. Now what did you say again?
Yeah, Right, and I'm Henry Ford.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
My maiden name is Tammy Bentley...you know....B E N T L E Y.
I said thick and chunky...what the heck is this?
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Would you like anything else with your milk, ma'am?
I don't eat pork for sanitary reasons...you know.
Posted by BootNinja (Member # 2296) on :
what'd you do with my pig!?
A bolo tie, a pair of spurs and a ten gallon hat.
Posted by WmLambert (Member # 2509) on :
Don Imus - but he's a quart low!
Aflac
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What?
That is not dead which can eternal lie And with strange aeons, even death may die.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How does your speech for the Oscars go again?
To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
So, Mr Shekspeare, why don't you tell me what you're writing about now while I massage your back?
All the perfect drugs and superheroes wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You got NEGATIVE points for your "soiled" Dobie?
My head was three sizes too big.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did you break the lion's jaw?
Practice. Practice. Practice.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How'd you get so good at useless repetition?
You look great!
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited December 06, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
This chicken suit makes me look stupid, right?
Everytime the dog heard the bell, he attacked the cat.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why does your cat climb up my leg, across my back, over my shoulder, and try to hide under my hat every time the phone rings?
That is one freaky cat.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Have you seen Fluffy's latest kitty pr0n?
Two Bobs!
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
What there are tmo now?!
974
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What is the meaning of life plus 932?
The chipmunk did it. I only held the umbrella.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who ran off with my Chain Mail underware (non-disposable)?
Throw it away.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Um... the squirrel wore those chain mesh undies. Are you sure you want them back?
According to my computer Im 90% pure.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What did you say when Jenny caught you in bed with Shelly?
I just slipped and fell. Seriously...that's really how it happened.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What did YOU say when Shelly caught YOU in bed with Jenny?
Well, I'd tell you its because I like being buff, but actually I really enjoy the latex.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do you get that strange smile while you ride your bike?
A man is a man, but a bike is a ride.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Well...what was your tattoo supposed to say?
Angel hair pasta.
Posted by Stringbean (Member # 4163) on :
Please say we are having something other than angel hair pasta for dinner tonight, please! So, what is it?
It takes a fancy trick to pull that off.
Posted by Ronin (Member # 1749) on :
have you ever seen a 50 page thread?
Posted by Ronin (Member # 1749) on :
waht do you think will happen at 50?
Posted by Ronin (Member # 1749) on :
a revolution maybe?
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What's that in your boxers?
Ritalin. Lots of Ritalin.
[This message has been edited by ae (edited December 08, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did this thread ever get this HUGE?
A penny saved is a penny earned.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Hot girl named Penny: What did you tell Superman before he rescued me from that burning building?
This might become a world record.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My goal is to record the sounds of the earth as it rotates through space, then sell it.
Counting down to fifty.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How many wives have you got?
The Windy City!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Where's the most dangerous place to pee on the sidewalk?
Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hey, what does that girl's shirt say?
Join and ye shall be joined.
Hobbes
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the new carpenters union motto?
Its Hammer time.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
It looks like there's a sign out there, about 200' off of the beach. Can you read it?
Jellyfish-smellyfish.
Hobbes
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You know what three things annoy me the most?
You asked for it.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's the scientific name for this species, Dr. Hobbes?
Yes, and lots of it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you like to try some snail feces, jehovoid?
Manohmanohmanohman.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you say on being in the first 50 page post I've ever seen?
That is some fancy posting.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you think of the new recording of The Raven by that guy from The Police?
It says "In Congrefs"
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So why won't you vote for this bill again, congressman?
I could have had the first post on the 50th page, but I missed it!!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, why are you being suicidal?
All in good humor of course.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Prosecutor: So then you proceeded to hit the frying pan into the defendant's rear end while screaming, "I'm not going to hurt you Wendy"?
Why would I do that?
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Ok..you have worked 50 hours on this paper. You have rewritten it about 25 times and it is perfect. Are you going to hand it in?
There's just no telling how many dogs you can fit in ONE dog house.
Posted by Freckles (Member # 714) on :
And just why, Madam De Ville, are you building this gigantic trap?
A Bedeviled egg.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So! You finally caught the poacher. Who was it?
On the sunny side of the street.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
They only serve poached eggs here? Where can I get over easy?
The Townies'll be pushing up daisies 'fore long.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did my killing off the townies in the previous game make a difference in the scenery?
Just call me king of Mars.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Wait.. EVERY girl on Earth has rejected you?
Bubble wrap is the only way.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
Sure you get some special privledeges being president. I mean, who else would they let run around at NASA in a spacesuit? But do you really want to change your title, President Bush?
And this whole time I thought I had the Clap.
Posted by Eomer (Member # 2921) on :
Sir, I regret to inform you that we have found a hostile alien lifeform living between your legs poised to take over the earth at any moment.
Cheese? We don't have no stinkin' CHEESE!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Limburger?
You obviously missed the orientation.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited December 10, 2002).]
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
I don't know if I'm gay! How can I tell?
Wenn ist das Nunstrck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
How do you say "Do I have a booger in my nose?" in German?
A Miracle on 34th Street
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The Knicks won a game?
It's so wrong, but it feels so right.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What are you doing with that.. is it a... wha-?!
Billy Graham and a tin of spam.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Is this my left sock or my right? (Darn. SImo post and I just can't make this work.)
(Try for above--) Choose in what way we will torture you Mr. Bond. I have the most feindish ways to die here in front of you. Which is your least favorite?
I put my socks on the wrong feet.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited December 10, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who's feet are those, and what are you doing with them?
Nothin' a big slug o' hard cider wouldn't cure.
Posted by Freckles (Member # 714) on :
So I heard she rejected you. How bad was it?
And THAT is why geese will be the death of us all.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Suicide is caused by depression. Depression is caused by feeling down. Down is the small feathers that come from geese. You can see where this is heading, can't you?
Who goosed me?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna get down?
Windows 3.1 and a Strom Thurmond action figure.
PS: Dan's thing about depression was hilarious!!!!
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited December 10, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, what are the top-selling gifts for your South Carolina branch this year, Mr. Walton?
Well, her personal ad DID say "junk in the trunk".
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So then you found out she was only dating you for your spacious backyard--so she could bury all the bodies of her victims she's be carrying around for months? Aren't you opposed to this??
One for Hatrack, two for me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hows about sharing some of that wisdom you're so noted for with the rest of us???
You can never have enough angle brackets, IMHO.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Is the human-slinky look the new trend?
I didn't know I was wise until after.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Somebody's going around beating wise-asses over the head with socks filled with quarters?
The tables are turned!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well its us and the good furniture against the Evil Amoir and his army of Evil furniture. What, the Tables are now attacking us. What has happened?
Wood is flamable you know.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
*squeals* Oliver is soooo hot! Wait--why is he on fire?
Lance Lance Revolution
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I know you love medieval weapons AND the Beatles, Mr. Bond, but that's no reason to change your name to....what did you say?
I have an open mind.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's that big hole in your skull?
I gave at the office.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Nice shirt, Monica. What does it say?
I can't see any reason not to.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey, ya wanna go jump in a bin of burning garbage?
I listen to it over and over again.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So you liked Mr. Lott's speech?
It's here in my Algebra book.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Lo, I have been sent upon a quest of grave concern. To find the meaning of life, the universe, and everything I have traveled far and searched deep. Where can these mysteries be explained? Where can I find the answers?
Do not look in the big bright box underneath the christmas tree.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Where is that horrible smell coming from?
Christmas is my favorite time of year.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, nice sniper rifle. What's it for?
I wanted a doggie sled!
Posted by Cedrios (Member # 1744) on :
You don't like jelly-covered toys?
A Pattern so grand, yet complex.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...you're learning Morse Code?
I told you we should've gotten a parakeet.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Did Elmer open the box from his aunt Pandora?
Business cards usually work.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
In the Card family, there are the playing Cards like Geoff, who play games for a living, and the Reading Cards like Uncle Orson who write. What other Cards are there and what do they do.
The final analysis shows--not much.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How'd your CAT Scan go?
I'd love to...except I hate you.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Would you marry me?
Not tonight it's cancelled.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Can you feel the love tonight?
I can't help it that I touch myself.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you always hurt the one you love?
That would be self defeating.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're sawing your legs off at the ankles?!
Monkeys. It was so embarassing.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who'd you get to write your term paper for you?
If I'd thought of that, I wouldn't be here!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What you tried to install windows on a MAC???
If it didn't require work.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to be President of the United States?
51 pages and still going strong.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
So you are now a PhD! How did that happen?
I can't get them all together, they just don't listen
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're trying to organize all Hatrackers to boycott the "Begging the Question" thread?
That's a lot of chicken fingers.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited December 13, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Muahahahahaha. I've genetically enginered a super chicken with 75 lbs of breast meat. The bad news is, it has 57 fingers.
I am giving her the Clapper for Christmas.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Didn't she take that away from the kids?
HEY, We all do it sometime.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Just seeing which page I will end up on.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How could you? You're a priest!
Yeah, but it makes a cool hat.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Is that your mom's dress? Does she know you have it?
It was in her pants that I did it.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You did that just to get in her pants, didn't you?
No, really. OSC is the Anti-Christ.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Did you just say that to piss me off?
I hate your hat rack it's so stupid! Now I love my hatrack.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Man, I need lyrics for this stupid song. Mind coming up with some?
He's got my respet. After all, He's got more Bawls than any one else here.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You still irked at Leto for ripping you a new one for your spelling, or are you just upset that he stole David and his brother?
It's as good an excuse as any to grow a mohawk.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wow, you're 1/64th Cherokee?
Can I just get the Reader's Digest version?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How could you not want to read all 3,763 books in the Dune series?
It wasn't anything duct tape couldn't fix.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You got your arm sawed off!?!
Nope, no ones asked me that before.
Posted by hansenj (Member # 4034) on :
I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but...how do you balance with such a long nose??
The goldfish did it.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
So after years of paying people to look for the "real killer", what did O.J. find out?
Photophosphorilation.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How DO you get your teeth to look so bright?
She got a husbandectomy.
Posted by stone_maiden (Member # 4071) on :
Q: Why does she look so happy?
A: Apparently, swamp gas is good for you.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Have I told you how...uh...great...you look today?
A pillar of light came down beside the tree and made him shine.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that extraterrestrials like Earth people because of our shoe care services?
It's a dream come true!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We've placed a hidden camera at the Wenches meeting. What do you think about that?
Evil is as evil does.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
I think life is like a box of imprisoned souls, writhing in excruciating pain amidst fire and brimstone, where they shall languish until I finally extinguish their puny existences in a final supernova of searing agony. Does that make me evil?
Talk o' nimbleness, look at Mrs Osgood.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Say what?
Sure, if TTT puts me in a good mood.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Would you like to dress up as elven wenches and walk around the city visiting coffee houses?
Send me the bill and the legs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you break my table?
Origami-based computing.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What should I do with this new Paper Thin flat screen monitor?
I spy by my little eye some ham on rye.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who's that drunk actor and what's he drinking?
Penguins and dirigibles.
Posted by Eomer (Member # 2921) on :
I knew we had nothing in common...we're like...like...oh, what am I looking for?
It's all in the way she moves.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you buy your wife a U-Haul franchise?
I'll have to let that percolate.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I know you're a good punster, Bob...but there's nothing similar about teapots and onanism. Think about it, will ya?
But I like them flat.
Posted by hansenj (Member # 4034) on :
Could you fix those notes in measure 14 and 23? They're a little off...
Candy Canes and Toy Soldiers.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
How are we going to win this war?
I found it in my pants, and it seemed the perfect thing to give to you.
Posted by Freckles (Member # 714) on :
So what did Dilbert's boss say after giving him the award?
Bud-weis-ERK
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
On VHI's Where are they now. The last words from those famous advertising frogs as they sat a bit to close to the road....
Road Pizza normally doesn't have pepperoini on it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the single entry in the Hitchhiker's Guide to Southern States under "dining out?"
If anyone can, pelican!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Who can defeat the all-powerful dirigible?
Absitively posolutely.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Have you started early on the spiked eggnog?
It happened during the Hatrack Holiday Party.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
When did you lose your virginity?
So...that's the way it's gonna be. I guess I can play by those rules...*evil cackle*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna play Calvin Ball?
It's the pinnacle of ergonomic design.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Do you like my new head-sized leech?
It's less of a physical manifestation of my ego than a tooth that looks like Richard Nixon.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Did you just say something about something resembling D*#@ in your mouth?
I'm sorry. But not THAT sorry.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited December 19, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Since that last question was a little inappropriate, why don't you change it to, "Hey, how come you don't smile so much?"
He fell down shortly after.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
So did Julius win the nobel piece prize?
They always do.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do they doo wop?
We like to refer to it as "the cloud of Turin."
(special to Frisco -- you're better than that.
How about changing it to:
Why are your teeth so crooked?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Turin, what is that awful smell?
Gas. I definately smell Gas. I think its neon.
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
What have you been snorting?!
I dropped a chunk of liver on the floor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you always laugh that hard?
I thought it'd be a good investment.
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
What on earth inspired you to spend your life's savings on Transformer toys and comic books?
The doctor says it's a rabbit.
[This message has been edited by Deirdre (edited December 19, 2002).]
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
What is that thing stuck in your nostril?
I think it's a sausage.
Posted by Freckles (Member # 714) on :
You must have been pretty drunk last night.. what IS that thing hanging from your neck?
He flunked the triathlon.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why does he have training wheels on swim trunks?
It's a pen cap.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What gift did you give OSC for Christmas that he became so mad at you upon receiving it?
A flock of them.
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
What do you call a group of clowns?
Maybe someday.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
When will this thread die?
I'm a bit short.....
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to donate to the Church of Bobology?
As long as it's a carbon-based lifeform.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What do you think about going on a blind date?
No, the Nematodian Empress gave it to me, the Pelican just laughed.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that a pelican hickie?
Pound sand!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We've had Desert Storm, Destert Shield, What is the code name of the next Iraq invasion plan?
Kill the Rabbit.
Posted by Freckles (Member # 714) on :
Unfortunately, the recipe calls for 4 lucky rabbit's feet, and all i have is 2.... what should i do?
And then all the nerds with glasses chanted, "Yu-Gi-Oh!"
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Your saying that during The Battle for Helms Deep someone yelled out "Gotta Catch 'Em All!"?
You gotta admit, though. My death was pretty cool.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited December 20, 2002).]
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
You didn't get any Vampire action! Why aren't you crying?
But I wanted the purple one!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Doctor, here is the sample you requested.
That is the worst sample I've ever tasted.
Posted by Reed Richards (Member # 3514) on :
How was the ice cream?
I think that's a lullaby.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
(arg! I got beat!)
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited December 20, 2002).]
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
What does the phrase "kill, plunder, destroy" mean to you?
I'd only play if it ran on diesel fuel!
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Are you going to play that pacman?
The cop ran down the hill but no one saw him.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the most tragic part of the whole "Jack and Jill" story?
Batteries not included.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What is the greatestest movie ever?
Harry Potter and the Gigantic Problem.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the episode called when Harry finally goes through puberty?
She were a white whale! A white whale I tells ye!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So your mother came for the holidays?
(sorry, that was a bit low...)
I know I shouldn't, but I'm going to.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You're going to go see The Hot Chick?
Wow... thats really potent. You should go see a professional about that.
Posted by Malaclypse (Member # 4278) on :
Check out this abscess, does it look bad?
I need scissors! 61!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
WHAT?! How many Christmas presents do you have to wrap, yet?
I tried that once...but the goldfish died.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
You ever tried fresh fish water for that wart?
She broke my banana.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you playing air guitar and having your wife sing into a cucumber?
<You didn't think I could turn that one into something withOUT sexual connotations, did you?>
Perched on high, where else?
edit to add "OUT". Ooops.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited December 22, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where is Raven today?
A humble bug is a humbug.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
That insect was very contrite about walking through my dough and here at Christmas too. Just what was he?
I don't have time, I am tied up at the moment
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you care to attend the annual reading of Marquis De Sade's Christmas story?
It's a movie about a fern.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I know your on your Wild honeymoon, but could you get on Hatrack and post something without sexual conotations? Good, what's its title?
(Bob beat me, dratz)
There are somethings that are just physically impossible.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited December 23, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Can you lick your elbow?
A ferret is as close to a weasel as your going to get.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Hey, can I see what's inside your box?
You stick it in your nose, and spray.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you explain how you got Coke all over your keyboard?
Smurfin' USA...
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Ok..so what are we going to call this road trip that we're going on where we watch smurfs the whole time?
Please pass the eggnog.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what can I, one lowly individual do to change the situation?
A cordless phone would be nice.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Professor Plum: Ok Colonal Mustard. Now that I got you in the Hallway, what should I kill you with?
Because it had Sandy Claws.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you just release our Christmas dinner back into the ocean?
He's got lobsters too.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wow, did Laramee really get crabs for christmas?
Completely invisable to the naked I.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Are those the Emperor's new clothes you're wearing?
I just locked an open door. Strange, yet symbolically compelling.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Have you been having those "spiritual experiences" again?
I've got a CD of theirs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can you possibly afford to buy your parents a house?
I'll stop at nothing.
Posted by JenniK (Member # 3939) on :
Bob, have you no shame ?
two out of three ain't bad...unless you're the third!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, Kwea is the 3rd guy to propose to you? How'd that work out?
I collect Disney pins.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Have you been wrestling cartoon characters long?
Its worse than that. Its Mickey Mouse.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What did you say honey? The cat just caught a mouse?
Next time try using a smashed banana instead.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it really illegal to throw the feces BACK at the monkeys in the zoo?
Don't worry, it's self-winding.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
<Woman Whispering Disappointedly>Why did you stop?</Woman Whispering Disappointedly>
He was so fat, he really was literally omnipresent.
Posted by Vampyr18 (Member # 3694) on :
why did he think he needed lipo-suction?
I knew it was the elephant all along...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...my kid think's that the concept of Santa visiting every child in the world is a physical impossibility. Any ideas?
It brings tears to my eyes.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Who like onions?
He left the room.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was that special present Santa gave you in person?
He said Ho Ho Ho.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You took your mom and two sisters to meet Snoop Dogg?
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
How would you describe your girlfriend kicking you in the crotch?
I like cake.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you like my girlfriend to kick you in the crotch? Or would you like to play this game right?
Lemme get my 9-iron.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Since I'm playing the game wrong, you want to bludgeon me with what?
I hate cake.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Citizens Against Kissing Everyday or C.A.K.E. has got a court order stopping everyone from kissing in public. What do you think?
That is wrong and will lead to nothing but boredom.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Do I have to do my homework?
Orangutans can be taught to smoke marijuana and drink beer.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you study up on the rules of this game?
I lost my inhaler.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
*Game pause* Hold on, what am I doing wrong Frisco?*Game on*
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
I'll die If I don't get an inhalable anti-inflammatory gas! Do you have one?
He vommited greenish purple bunnies.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The game pauses for no man. Why, what happened to him?
It sure beats a pair of pork chops.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Want some nuts?
If I only had some guns.....
Posted by RavenXsa (Member # 1212) on :
What might make your dinner more pleasurable, sir?
He did it!
[This message has been edited by RavenXsa (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who stole the ancient and mystical pair of Chainmail Underwear?
Wasn't me. Nope. No way. Not a chance. Well, maybe.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Was it you? You sure? Positive? Without a doubt? Well, I was going to give whoever it was a free pair of chainmesh undies.
I hardly even miss them.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
You lost your buttocks?
Frisco needs to lose some weight.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you trying to make me vomit with your bad jokes?
I got a call from NAMBLA yesterday.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why are you so excited?
There is a guy in a gas mask walking through my garden.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do you wish to return this packet of Fresh and Formidable Fertilizer?
I can't eat that. I'm on a diet.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Wan't some purple cantalope?
I have 6 toes on my left foot.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 28, 2002).]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
I don't mean to be rude, but would you happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
If you taught me to make an origami flying saucer.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to come into the fold?
Origami chainmesh undies.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
What is the new underwear trend?
I have pink chainmesh underwear.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Look at the new styles of chainmail underwear in this catalog. Which ones did you get?
I can't take it anymore!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come you're selling all your old prescription painkiller on e-bay?
I think a link is missing.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Half of the human chain fell through the ice and drowned?
I charged her $5 an hour.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
I could only imagine how much a nose hair trim would cost for you. How much did you pay?
But I want to wear the pink boots!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Gimli, why are you so disappointed with the camoflauge boots that the Elves gave you?
Many smells at once.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why did your bloodhound faint?
I get nervous and I can't stand it when he looks over my shoulder like that.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why are you so uncomfortable around Satan?
It wasn't the gopher boy.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I'm going to get him!!! he is always digging up my lawn, Do you want to help me?
Hot fresh cinnanmon rolls
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
If you had one food you'd drop into your pants, what would it be?
It made the Earth spin backwards.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you remember the first time you visited Hatrack?
A puddle of something very warm and sticky.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Do you remember the first time you visited Hatrack?
I've run out!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I'd like to buy a pair of chain mesh underwear, please.
(Bob, you really walked into that one)
It has an excellent viscosity.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this dog REALLY vicious?
My Babelfish is broken.
<LOL, Jehovoid>
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited December 30, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Soy el intentar justo decir "hi", usted kneebiter! Cul es su problema?! Por qu usted guarda el mirar de m como usted no tienen una pista en cuanto a lo que estoy diciendo?
She broke my heart, so I broke her nose.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
What did you do to her having her always come in with her nose out?
She loves being a spectator.
[This message has been edited by ginette (edited December 30, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why'd your wife trade in the minivan for the MetLife blimp?
Ogling mixed with leering.
Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
What did you do at the Clothing Optional Does Shakespeare festival?
Glub, glub...glloooooop.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We've just recieved our first interstellar communication. It reads as follows: "
We watched the Cereal Bowl.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you flakes do on New Years?
Truth be told, he was a little underdressed for the occasion.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So how did your cousin like his first nude beach party?
Begin at the beginning, and stop when you're done.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Could you paraphrase the secret to life, God? I'm sure it's very interesting, but I've got stuff to do.
I was bound too.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you KNOW the cow jumped over the moon?
Mary had a little lamb.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The Raeliens mixed up the cell samples in their clone project?!
It can't be traced.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why'd you draw that counterfeit bill freehand?
Oxyclean might get that out.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you get pollution out of the air?
(Applaud's Frisco's Comment)
Breath in. Breath out. Breath In. Breath out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What should I do when I'm blue?
It's proportional to the inverted square root of pi.
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
What's the best thing to say when you're trying to sound like you understand the answer to a math problem?
oh bloody hell
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Where are you from? What's it like?
Maybe next Thursday.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited January 01, 2003).]
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Would you be okay with dating a sheep?
Tape worms in a nice red sauce.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you get your worms to stay still and stop wriggling?
He had every advantage save one.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why didn't your friend stay married to that millionaire? I thought he had a lot of appeal.
The green handled scissors and the blue bottle came first.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
So tell me about your weekend at the beach.
Popcorn and peanuts, coffee and tea.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What are little college students made out of?
I'd say, "Put your money where your mouth is."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shall I kiss you again?
I'll bring the dromedary.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's for desert?
About the size of a breadbox.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
They had cell phones in the eighties? What were they like?
It's like moonwalking.
Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
Like, what's it like, dude?
Murder in the Ru Paul.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What did the hospital intercom just say?
Win one for the gipper!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So how many wins is that?
Years of yoga lessons.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
When people said "put your foot in your mouth" I never took it literally and you do it behind your back and over your head. How did you learn to do that?
Willy nilly, you are sure silly.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Give me an example of a diplomatically unwise passphrase between spy contacts of opposing countries.
Dance, and the whole world dances with you. Sing, and be prepared to be pelted with tomatoes.
(edit: to include a word I missed)
[This message has been edited by jeniwren (edited January 03, 2003).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What would happen if you wern't mutli-talented?
I don't think that was well-worded.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Some authors live in a well. Do you think this was written in a well?
Porcupine in the belly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did that undercooked steak hit you?
It was a bull in a china shop.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
How did your speech go?
If you want it, too bad. You can't even come and claim it anymore.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have I lost my mind?
Perfectly normal in every concievable way. Absolutely average in all respects. Quite the nominal-specifications character, really.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Hey, Frodo...remember that ring I gave you?
It's evolution, baby.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So, what's with the third eye?
A is for Abomination.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what's with the forehead carving? Are you an adulterer?
Mack truck tricks track.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Kevin, you're a died in the wool Kenworth man. What title are you going to give the article covering the recent land speed record breaking?
Bing. Chandler Bing.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I know you love cherries AND the Friends, Mr. Bond, but that's no reason to change your name to....what did you say?
Whatever. It can work twice.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
But didn't somebody already try to put all the worlds evil power in one harmless looking ring?
These are the days, my friend, we think will never end.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Oh jeez, do I have to go to sensitivity training again?
It's just like the movie "Hackers" but without the rollerblades.
[This message has been edited by Zalmoxis (edited January 03, 2003).]
Posted by ravenclaw (Member # 4377) on :
How was your first day of work?
well I'm sure he'll wake up eventually...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how's your life going?
Mercurial, at best.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How are you feeling, on a scale of Hydrogen to Ununoctium?
I march to the beat of a different meme.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Welcome back from David Bowles' patented Indoctrination Summer Camp! What did you learn?
Angelina, my darling, we simply cannot go on meeting like this.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Hello again (hello); do you like my hat?
Once was fun, but once is plenty.
Posted by ravenclaw (Member # 4377) on :
How was your first day of kindergarten, Bobby?
Sorry, we're all sold out.
Posted by angelo (Member # 4402) on :
Just because they have cannons, rifles, tear gas and are offering bribes doesn't mean we should stop picketting! Why won't you guys come?
I'm super, thanks for asking.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, Clark, how you doing?
(alternate -- are you the building manager?)
It's a brain teaser.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
Do you know why they invented hair paint?
I have to check the phone line.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Hey neighbor, I keep hearing phone conversations from 1-800-HOT-DATE. Do you have any idea why?
I need prozac!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are you doing up in the chandelier?
Im hoping the Anti-Chris knocks Jebus out in round 3.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What is on T's mind?
Darn webcams..
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
So, what was the 50's single chat like?
(sorry, couldn't resist, at the risk of being not funny... )
The wonder, the wonder, they're... Nooooo!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What happens to your mind as you grow?
Shnapple, that's just not you...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you like my pink slippers?
And then the rabbit said "silly kids, those are for adults"
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What is something you here so often?
You need a life.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
I'm stopping by Wal-Mart again, this will be the third time today. Can you think of anything that I need?
It looks like the darn bugs got to it first.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Where is the chain-mesh underwear shaped cookies?
I feel so old....
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited January 05, 2003).]
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Could you tell us again what it was like on the old forum?
That didn't stop Gandhi!
Posted by Thread Killa (Member # 4398) on :
My pork rind addiction is really slowing me down.
King Friday, Eddie Van Halen, and Imelda Marcos.
Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
Where do you go for fashion advice?
All I need is frequent flier miles.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
After exhaustive archeological research we've rediscovered the One Ring. Between that and Roland's Horn do we have everything we need to take over the world?
I need more chocolate!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What did Willy Wonka say in the police interview after being caught sacrificing Oompa Loompas to the god Nestle?
Elvis would be rolling over in his grave.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Have you heard the new Enya CD of remakes of old Elvis hits?
After the dessert cart was extinguished.
Posted by Noodlenoggin (Member # 4314) on :
You burnt your tongue on your Bananas Foster?
Only if you can heal a broken heart.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you tell me about Wenchcon?
[Edited because someone beat me to the joke.]
They called it Wench-Con because no other word could describe it.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited January 06, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the new name for Enron?
He said he'd plaster my name all over town.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why did you give that conman $1 million?
You know...that actress with the big mouth in "Pretty Woman."
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
What 8 inch grin lady are you talking about?
I have italian chain-mesh undies.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you look so comfortable today?
It's getting a bit old.
Posted by Noodlenoggin (Member # 4314) on :
Don't byte my head off, Meg...I was just asking how your Gigapet was doing...
It gave new meaning to the phrase "pissed off".
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Castration???!!! For just urinating in public???!!!
Over the rainbow, and through the woods...
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Where did you say your parents found you?
All I wanted was the dumpster, really.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why'd you join the Jersey mafia?
I made quite a haul.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I hear your rebuilding Monty from scratch. What did you create?
Deck the halls with bows of holly.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How can a mishearing of a Christmas carol get you stitches?
My windows overlook Satan's backyard.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats with the shades with crosses on them?
As I recall, we both kind of liked it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you ever... you know..wink wink, nudge nudge. I mean we are both men of the world. Wink wink. nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Know what I mean? So, did you ever.. kiss a girl? What was it like?
It was like nothing you've ever experienced, except maybe orange jello.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I didn't know you were a cannibal! How exactly does flesh taste like?
Oh, c'mon! It's 5 o clock in the morning and the printer won't work.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited January 08, 2003).]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why again can't you access Hatrack?
In a box under my bed.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I've totally lost my marbles. Do you know where they are?
Do not look in the chain mesh underwear.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Where would I find Ralphie?
Didgeridoos.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call chain mesh undies for kids?
A porkpie hat.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You were attacked by a rabid pack of hungry jazz musicians? Did you have something they wanted?
Yes, but hold the mustard.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Do you wan't tofu and eggplant on that?
Mustard is disgustingly good.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
A MustardMan superhero? Why?
Do it one more time...only softer.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
You want me to bludgeon you with that bat again?
I have a dream.....But I forgot it.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you're out to change the treatment of amnesia sufferers?
He's probably hunting down the allusive Energizer Bunny.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's your Dad doing now that he's discovered that batteries don't reproduce like rabbits, as was alluded in those commercials?
Um...I'll take door number three.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Would you like the first door, which contains money and riches.... the second door, which contains power and influence... or would you like to go for door number 3, which contains a mallet and a box of smurfs?
I want an oompaloompa and I want one now!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
So Mr. Jackson, you've adopted babies, you've had your own personal zoo, what is on your wish list now?
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
What happened when you made your famous brownies with chocolate ExLax and TNT?
I should probably be banned for that one.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You actually sent OSC a virtual wedgie?
Exactly. That's my point.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Is that a rapier, or are you just happy to see me?
Very, very sure of it. Cross my heart, hope to die, bugger me in the ass sure.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I don't think that psychologist was a pain in the butt. I mean, how positive are you that you DON'T have an anal fixation?
He was positively revolting.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you met Bob this weekend?
How am I supposed to know that!? I don't even know where he came from!
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
Oh my God! So what happened after the bear ate your mountain climbing party?
Well, he's the god of vegetables. Beans, to be precise.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why is that group of fanatical worshippers calling George "His Mighty Flatulance?"
With the right song and dance, you can get away with murder.
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
So your plan is to induce her into the Macarena and then stab her in the back?
You know, I've always wondered what Moon-cheese would taste like.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
What would you eat if you could have anything you wanted?
No! No! Take it away!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wanna see am oompaloompa?
Padlov's dog just wanted to kill the cat.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why is that canine attacking the small bulldozer-type vehicle?
French fries covered with grease.
Posted by Chuckles (Member # 2865) on :
What's that new fad diet I keep hearing about?
Only once, but it was remarkably painful, all things considered.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Have you ever eaten a marshmallow?
Constantly.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
How often do you post on Hatrack?
Across the Bridge of Kazah-Dum!
NOTE: I probably spelled the name of the bridge wrong but thats OK...
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Where'd you leave your spellchecker?
I got a puppy instead.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Did you run around the city screaming that the sky is falling?
It was the cheese! YOU JUST GOTTA BELIEVE ME!!!!
[This message has been edited by Mr.Funny (edited January 13, 2003).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
He is trying to destroy people, and succeeding at it.
Posted by sylvrdragon (Member # 3332) on :
EEEE GADS. What is he doing with those toe nail clippers?
Yep, I told him not to fake it.
[This message has been edited by sylvrdragon (edited January 14, 2003).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So all this time, your split personality wasn't really an alien?
Something about cheese and giant inflatable mice that just make people love disneyland.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Woah, what's with all these half-naked weirdoes at the concession booths? And, eh, what're those two doing with the... eurgh!
Yellow is a mystical experience shared by everybody.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why do you get the yellow post?
That's why I quit my job blowing leaves.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Your name is the Lorax; you speak for the trees?
Everyone needs a Thneed, for that matter.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
So you believe that everyone wants a Thwant?
It was not a googlism!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Welcome to the Internet. It is a land where he who gets the most hits is king. What term should we use for it?
The Spartan wars.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hey, let's have a contest to see who can live with the least amount of furniture! But, what should we call the contest?
Two shakes of a rat's tail.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey Ms. Voodoo, how do I get rid of these stupid warts?
Our house is in the middle of the street.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What is that cardboard box in the middle of the road?
I can only say that Mr. Clean sent it.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why is this chain-mail underwear lemon scented?
Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I wonder what all those porno addicts think about.
Well, Im imagining theres no heaven, but hell only seems to have gotten bigger.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
A Hatrack afterlife??
I will not change!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Didn't you wear that last week?
Cause Im a very important person.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Why do you wear that damn Burger King crown everywhere you go?
Because it keeps vampires away, stupid.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Why are those garlic cloves around your neck? What is it, some new fashion statement?
Up, up, up, then down, down, down.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Mr. Dole, can you summarize the before-and-after effects of the medication?
The King of Pop.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Orvill Reddenbacher, I hear you're changing your name to something easier to spell. What's the new name?
Ping pong, you're a ding dong.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
You've made up a language that's a cross between English and Chinese? What's it sound like?
Mary go round.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Who comes around?
Glass wipes.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Jeez, how do you get your teeth so sparkly white?
I prefer small bills, in unmarked envelopes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is that small print in Bush's new tax bill?
Do not feed the Democrats.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's the sign say next to the Carter/Clinton/Cleveland exhibit?
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
You threw your wedding ring where? You threw it in Mount Doom(orodruin)?
Not all who wander are lost.
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited January 15, 2003).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You're the wanderer? The Wanderer? Do you wander, wander, wander, wander, wander because you are lost?
I may not know where I am or where I am going, but I am not lost.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Honey, look, there's a gas station. Shouldn't we stop and ask for directions?
Men. Can't live with them, can't shoot 'em.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So theres a new species on the endangered list. What species and guidelines did they set up?
Aww nuts to that.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
I lost my Italian Chain-mesh Undies! Does anybody know where I can get more?
No, but I can do other things.
Posted by TimeTim (Member # 2768) on :
At the corner Ialian store, young man, at the corner Italian store.
Only Moses Hoses would do a thing like that!
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
"At the Italian store, young man, at the italian store."
That's not a question TimeTim. Do you know how to play this game?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
TimeTim says: The game shall not be interrupted.
When you're hot, you're hot.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Really Frisco? You just did.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The main goal is to post something that makes sense with the answer. If you can't do it with a question, at least have it make sense. Ha! I will never stop the flow.
Shoot. You're right.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
To get back on track.. Re: "You just did."
Haha! What bum was fool enough to go out with your mother?
Re: "Shoot. You're right."
Isn't it a little unwise to use endangered species for target practice?
Just a screwdriver and a couple waffles.
(Edit: Whoops..)
[This message has been edited by Nato (edited January 15, 2003).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What did your stomach pump turn up?
I feel a little less crazy.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
You're on prozac?
I'm wearing a dress.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Why are you so grumpy?
I'm not wearing a dress.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Why are YOU so grumpy?
I have a wedge.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What is in my pocket.
I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Do we need to hire a trained monkey to write your posts so the comment/question thing can be done correctly?
I never knew it could feel that good.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, why do you hate me?
All the time, sugar.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
How often do you go to the bathroom?
First star to the right and straight on til morning.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Where can I go to meet someone who's young at heart?
No, that was you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
A female sheep is called what? Collect?
Next time dial down the middle.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Amazing, you correctly predicted Lava soap on the left, whats your next soap racing pick?
3.14159
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What kind of pie do you have?
Sing a song of six pense, a pocket full of rhymes.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you keep singing "there she goes?"
Stupid Succubus! Is there no end to your devastation?
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Is that your wife flushing your beer down the toilet?
Chicken pot pie is so tasty that you can use it to befriend opponents.
(courtesy of googlisms)
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited January 16, 2003).]
Posted by Chveya (Member # 2623) on :
What's the yummiest chicken dish you've ever eaten?
It wasn't me!
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I used to know a Cheveya. She was the daughter of Luet and Nafia. Was that you?
A ballpoint pen.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you use to keep your writing instruments so well organized?
Don't fence me in!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, there are a few induction rituals for our swordfighting club....
Welcome back! You smell great!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I just came back from by bi-annual bath. Notice anything different.
You are so pink and soft.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What was Kermit's most effective pickup line?
Oink! Oink!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you eat my entire bag of pork rinds?
I thought she was your mother!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Honey, could you ask your mother to stop coming by for dinner every night?
Well, not every night.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How often should a banana have sex?
That was a fruity question.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Orange you glad that scientists are going to help bananas? I think it's grape!
No, I'm still using it, thank you!
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Could I borrow a kleenex?
Cover your mouth when you cough.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
And that, my good Americans, is the State of the Union. Are there any comments from the respected senators present. Yes, Maam in the third row. What is your suggestions for how I am running this country?
Pick me next. Ooh, ooh, Pick me. Pick me.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Which one of you daisies wants to be in the Enron memorial bouquet?
My daddy is a sperm donor.
quote:Frisco: Well, there are a few induction rituals for our swordfighting club....
not a question, oh hypocritical one!
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Career Day at the Elementary School: Now, Lucy, what does your father do?
it's been a very, very, very long day.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you have that beard this morning?
That was certainly a close shave.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Whats the name of that new Rock Opera based on the Barber of Seville?
Nick in time saves big money on wrist watches.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What was that again?
Silver and gold...that's all I want...just silver and gold.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
What should I fix for breakfast?
Just a handful of quarters.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We're going to that seedy motel with the vibrating beds!!! What should I bring?
It is a pestilence.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you think of the new reality TV show "Joe Bubonic"? You know, the one where this guy dates twenty women for a week, then tells them at the end that he has the plague to see if they still love him?
I didn't even have to take off my clothes!
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited January 19, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
The Army rejected you for health problems?
She's a Swiss Army wife.
(okay, I stole that from Christopher Titus).
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Um, Bob.. Just why is there a fingernail clipper attached?
I stifled a guffaw.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What in the name of Bob was that noise?
I'm going to physically rip this MP3 in half.
Feyd
Posted by Jackie (Member # 4524) on :
I need a NI1.5 Can you make me one?
Grammar and spelling are optional.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you've just joined Hatrack?
No method to it...just madness.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Yesterday the patient thought he was Clarence Thomas, today its Ruth Ginsburg. Dr. Scopatz, what treatment technique do you suggest and what is your diagnosis?
Guilt by association.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I hear that almost everyone on Hatrack thinks they're funny, just because Dan_Raven and Bob Scopatz are there. What do you attribute to this slight misconception?
Delusional but still fun.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, now that you've met "God," what do you think?
One size fits all.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
By the rings of Jupiter, that is the Largest pair of chain mesh underware ever created. How many of us can fit in it at once?
THe answer is 462.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
(x^2 - 600)/4 = 53211 x = ?
Potassium Iodine, and a box of crackers.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
What's the best gift for my chemistry teacher's retirement party?
The matter is a little difficult to explain, but just think of rusty chain mesh.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
And just what happened to that suit of armor I paid so much for, young man?
All I did was push that little button over there.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Um, Mr. President, what happened to China?
Life is like a chicken-dance Dancing Elmo.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What would Forrest Gump say if he was a Muppet?
No, you only need one armadillo!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, Hillary says that it takes a village to raise a child. Wh-
I tried, but the stakes were too high...
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
When you were in the Land of Abnormally Large Items, did you manage to kill the Giant Vampire?
Tangy dipping sauce, and a generous helping of crisp, tasty vegetables.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If you were an appetizer, what kind of appetizer would you be?
Somebody call God and let him know.
Posted by quing-jao (Member # 4309) on :
What do I do if there's a bug in my room?
you don't need one.
[This message has been edited by quing-jao (edited January 21, 2003).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Give me some sugar baby!
I thought it was water.....
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you seen my collection of rare lighter fluid from the 1500's?
It looks like the front end of a B-29 bomber.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What about my life outside Hatrack?
There's no there there.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hey, I thought you were going to Hiroshima for the weekend. Why aren't you there?
Glowing like a Christmas tree, I tell you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What made you think there were nuclear bomb components in this bunker Mr. Blix? Was it lit up?
You light up my life.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So what was the epitath for the cat from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?
TO ARCHITRAZ!!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Which San Fransisco attraction attracts the most Asian-Americans?
I just remember waking up in a pair of lederhosen.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So Mr. Adams, you came up with your book's title while lying drunk in a field in Switzerland; do you remember anything else?
My CD played is going "scritch, scritch, scritch."
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So is that new Crickets album any good?
It was like that when I got here.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What happened to the Parthenon?!?!
I like it....I'm just not touching it.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I made this painting with tempera and fecal matter. Neat, eh?
Six maids a-milking.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What was that that you wanted for Christmas.
And they say that I don't wash my hands.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What was the line in the deleted scene just after Ed Harris fished his wedding band out of the toilet in The Abyss?
Just dip your toe in.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Now that I bought a vat of it, how do I serve toe jam?
One step at a time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best way to work through a Hatrack addiction?
They begged for mercy, but the begging seemed very insincere.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How's your new S&M club going, Bob?
I was boxing.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, your girlfriend really did beat you up!
It says it all on my nametag...
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Yes, I realize that. You've said that it says it on your name tag, but is you name really "Dirty Harry's Underpants."
Complete Boredom. That says it all.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Why in the world are you shaving off all the hair on your body?!
Sell the damn dog.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
It is one of the HOunds of Hell!!!! What shall we do? What shall we do?
Excuse me while I log into E-Bay.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Where were you going to find a kidney again?
If this the end of the world, I'm disappointed.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Oh my god its the apocalypse! ...and is that Bernie leading those headless horsemen?
Tired, oh so, very tired.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What are bicycles like in America, Han Chi?
They're not intended for cobblestones.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
What happened to my shoes?
So turn the stupid thing off.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Young fire fighter in training: Chief, you know, this fire bell in our barracks is really interupting our sleep. I don't like to complain, but don't you think there's something we can do about it?
Sliding down the pole is the best!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
What motivated you to become a firefighter?
She is clearly ahead of her time.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We have managed to find quite the historic relic. What do you think of this well preserved head? It was Marie Antoinettes.
I'll take a little off the top please.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What to you mean the Alps are too high? What do you think we can do about it?
I'm thinking landing strips of the gods.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So what are they planning on calling that airport in Japan they built the island for?
Replies, there are always too many replies.
Feyd
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
What on earth possessed you to ask to be assigned to the mailroom?
Put that down very, very gently.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Introducing the Flying Karamozov Brothers! Ivan, what did you say when Fyoder proposed juggling with antique sticks of dynamite?
(Dan, your question was REALLY funny.)
BLAM! Darn. It seemed like such a good idea.
[This message has been edited by jeniwren (edited January 23, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna see something cool?
Every picture lies.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are the decorations like in the Slythereen main room?
Jenni, flattery will get you everywhere.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What was a good pickup line to use on me before I got married?
Stop tickling!
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
I hear they're making a Don't-Tickle-Me Elmo to teach kids to keep their hands to themselves. What does he say again?
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I hear that JK Rowling has *really* planned out her series. What did you say is the working title for Book 35 (6,350 pages planned -- wow)?
I don't care what you say, I'm naming the baby Hermione.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You know, checking in the diaper here...I'm almost sure this is a boy.
But I only left it in there for a minute!!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Boy, that was great. Can I go to sleep now?
Well, I'm no brain surgeon.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
But, Doc, wasn't I scheduled for trephination today?
Drilling for your soul!
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
What are the compassionate conservatives doing?
Ok, I was playing dirty.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What is all this mud doing on my back?
Mmmm... Sharp, pointy sticks.
Posted by ravenclaw (Member # 4377) on :
do you have any kinky fetishes?
red rover
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Now, what kind of car did you total again?
Some obscure black thing.
Feyd
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Commander, the computer says we are flying into a black hole. Whats a black hole?
In that case, please inform Locke that he is a genius.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you hear about the new study that linked fruitcake to intelligence?
I couldn't tell. It was dark, and I was wrapped in tin foil.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Good Lord! Were you actually IN the microwave when it exploded?
Jiffy Pop.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
They cloned my father, and sped his ageing so that he now is identical to him. What should we call this new parent?
Call him collect.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Carrottop is really starting to annoy me. Do you know of anyway I could get revenge on him?
I blame you, but then again, I blame you for everything.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
OK, but what about the Cuban Missile Crisis, huh??
...and the starving children in Somalia, and the homeless on the streets of Seattle...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wanna know more things taht I blame you for? I blame you for idiotic politicians, nuclear war, biological weapons, cheetos....
Wow... I almost cared about that.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who did you say we were throwing into the arena with the lions for the new gladiator-themed reality show?
I bet they'd do it for a dollar.
Posted by Pepek (Member # 3773) on :
Let's ask those guys if they'll be our friends.
Well, It wasn't easy, but afterward, I could feel something trying to crawl up my throat.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Fatbastard, you finally ate mini-me?
They edited that part out and put in the scene of Keanu Reeves saying "I know kung fu" instead.
Posted by Worlock (Member # 4565) on :
So why'd they take out the part with fishburn, the monkey, and the dancing nun?
A: I thought the boss would like a waitress who could bend like that.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why are you teaching her to write with her shoulder blades?
It's one reason this thread hasn't broken yet (jinx).
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I heard that one of the Fates has a thing for Strom Thurmond. Is it true?
Scarey, creepy and all around bizarre.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What do you think of OSC's publicity pictures?
Somebody's cruisin' for a bruisin'.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear someone wants to remake "The Love Boat"?
Issac is the man.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
And what did they keep on chanting at Asmiov's house?
Well, what did you expect? Santa Claus?
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Mommy, why is Jar Jar Binks coming down our chimney?
It's a little jarring.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What is that hunk of glass on your ring finger?
I thought it was straight but it is twisted
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Having trouble following the yellow brick road, Dorothy?
A hunting party.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Yes, I've read "The Most Dangerous Game." What's that got to do with your party?
I slept in trees.
Posted by meltingsnowman (Member # 4559) on :
How would you go about evading your stalker or the IRS?
prunes, billions and billions of prunes
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Boy you sure lost weight in a hurry! What did you use?
There is something green growing in there
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
You want to borrow my underwear? What's wrong with your own?
You can do that sort of thing in America.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
You're wearing chain mesh underwear?
A little green around the gills.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
How is pH feeling today?
That was pretty good, but next time, put a little more punch into it.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
What was that I just drank?
Just look at it as a little extra protein.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you enjoy the Citrus Bowl?
Fruity, with oak highlights.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
What do you think of this spiked punch that I made?
<darn it, I'm slow...just bipass me>
It's the same stuff my dog drinks.
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited January 28, 2003).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Frisco has been acting crazy lately. What's he been drinking?
My gut feeling tells me Im not supposed to answer that.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
What did you learn in school today, dear?
I knew I shouldn't have let him near the microphone.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Did you hear that stuff your husband calls "kareoke?"
I called it allergies and gave him some Zoloft.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I knew he was feeling blue, but he looks like a smurf on caffeine. What did you give him?
That would be an aspirin enema.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's good for a pain in the butt?
I'm sorry, you can only get that on Thursdays here.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where's my dog?
It's more like static cling.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Do you find your wife to be too needy?
The universe is numb.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Did you fall asleep on top of the universe again?
Wash the car.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Latest trick you taught your dog?
What did you just do with that?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Give me your statement. Here, you have the question and I'll place your statement right here to confuse everyone.
I am not confused, just overly tan.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're in the wrong place, buddy. Did you miss the "We don't serve Mexicans" sign?
In the name of love.
Posted by WmLambert (Member # 2509) on :
Why didn't Diana Stop!
If ever, if ever a Wiz there wuz...
Posted by Leanne (Member # 4456) on :
What was that line you were humming all during the movie?
You know, those purple elephants are getting knida annoying.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I can't think of anything that would make Knida become annoying. Can you?
I really miss erasable bond typing paper.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I "erased" Mr. Bond. Do you miss him and his annoying habit of typing on paper?
Ok, here is one for ya. Why do we need the French in Iraq? Because our troops need the training on accepting surrendering troops.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Com'n... insult the french. I dare you.
Out... out damn jello...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
It moves on its own. It shakes and jumps off to attack people. The surgeons couldn't stop it. The experts say its not possible. I've come to you, Father O'Flanahan. What religious exorcism will you use to turn Micheal Jackson's face back into what it was in the 80's?
Back, back you nasty thing.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Mr. Biafra, how many times have we asked you politely not to trash our hotel rooms?
Turn off the television.
Edit: Darn it Dan, you beat me to it. But I like it, so I'm leaving it.
[This message has been edited by littlemissattitude (edited February 18, 2003).]
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
Can I please just watch the next show?
Okay then, the red wire.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you sure this turns you on?
Right foot, blue!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Everybody do your Smurf check. Right Foot?
I am so blue I get lost in the sky.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What have I told you about mixing your silver supplements with hallucinogens?
You're not my real daddy!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Who's that whisperin' in the trees? It's two sailors and they're on leave. Pipes and chains and swingin' hands; who's your daddy?
Yes, I'm sorry to say, I am.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you taking Dante's proposal thread seriously?
You look cute dressed like that.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What do you think of my Bob Scopatz costume?
Hit the switch, if you must.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What if I don't WANT to use the Clapper, huh?!?!?!
I learned it from watching you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you get so outrageously funny?
The state pen.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You majored in sodomy at Penn State??
I invented the French kiss.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Any training in linguistics?
The moral code.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Binary, Hex...I wonder what the next thread I'm going to need a translator for is.
Take three steps back and try again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did I make the 2nd floor too high?
The annual talon show.
Posted by verosthenes (Member # 4394) on :
Existance as we know it,stands on your very decisions Mr. Bush What say you?
The only way out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Death?
The Sharper Mirage.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
But where does Saddam buy all these nifty gadgets and WMD's?
A day cannot go by without begging the question.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Seriously, are you addicted to this thread as much as I am??
Thats because he was gay, and Romeo was his lover.
Posted by Tazmanian Devil (Member # 4572) on :
::shudders:: So why did Julian kill himself for Romeo, in this wierd shakespeare adaption?
Wrap them up in rabbit skin and Ill pick them up in the morning.
[This message has been edited by Tazmanian Devil (edited February 19, 2003).]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Do you still want these blood sausages you ordered last week but never picked up?
I tried to congeal it, but the truth will get out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You don't really want to know what's in these sausages, do you?
Marble busts.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What's the best thing about ancient Greek sculpture?
Alpha Delta Phi.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what did YOU do last night that's got you so hung over?
Hey, that's my grandmother you're talking about!
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Who is that maniac driving the wrong way?
It's OK, just remember to stay away from the waffles.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Does that mean that all politicians are off limits?
That icky stuff in the sky is not fog.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Boy its a foggy day. Hmmm, that's odd. Why is my skin melting?
Because the weasel goes pop.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why do you get so much joy from playing sick and perverted video games where you gun down helpless rodents?
Help! I am being oppressed!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do your shirts say when you take them to the Irish laundry?
Smooth and mellow.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
(Bob, HAH!)
What two words would you use to describe Weird Al Yankovic?
Red and green all over.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
So you gunned down the cast of Veggie Tales, then what?
No poofters!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Care for a Cheezy Poof?
Bermuda shorts and espedrils.
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
What, you going to Disney World or a Jimmy Buffett concert?
Habanero peppers.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Why does my mouth feel like the inside of a microwave?
That would be the totty with the rock.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Which of these little children got into my liquor cabinet?
A little more whine should do it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Overheard on the set of the Bachelorette: "How do you think I could get Ryan to propose in front of 20 million people?"
Flash him if you have to.
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
How do you take a picture of my dog, Gordon, in a dark room?
Flash Gordon
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
All he ever talks about is Melmac and that darn cat...will he ever notice a girl like me?
That's what I told him, but he used a screwdriver anyway.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
OMG, Cindy, why didn't you just, like, tell him you'd go home with him anywayz?
Girls from the Valley are just a little bit, I don't know...nicer.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Why aren't you dating Heidi anymore?
The 4th sign of the Apocalypse.
[This message has been edited by KarlEd (edited February 20, 2003).]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Slow Children at Work? What's that supposed to be?
------
Hilda, that's a rather unusual crumpet.
[This message has been edited by TomDavidson (edited February 20, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Arsenic? Old Lace?
A poison pen letter.
(the Heidi reference was hilarious, btw).
Posted by Thread Killa (Member # 4398) on :
I want to write him a Dear John, but I don't want him to write me back. Got any ideas?
Because the balloons might get tangled.
Posted by hansenj (Member # 4034) on :
I haven't seen you for five years. You make a surprise visit, travel halfway across the country, just for my birthday...and WHY is it that you refuse to give me a hug??
What a lame excuse!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Would you believe my foot got run over by a pack of wild Indian elephants? That is why I cannot walk fast. Would you believe Asian elephant? Would you believe Asian ants?
I believe it was two little aunts from Topeka.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So who were the drive-by suspects that the cops aprehended yesterday?
This thread does not suck.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Im telling you, that thread sucked and swallowed up that needle!
Ophelia at a dunking booth.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the last thing you expect to see in a production of Hamlet?
To bee or not to bee.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the last thing that goes through your mind when targetted by a Stinger Missile?
Prescription sunglasses.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
What do I need for my disguise?
Thank God for Advil.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know Advil is God's drug of choice?
King Leer was a leming.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
King Leer, famed in play and book, was not originally from England. He was born in the land of Lem.
Out out damn spot.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
What did you say to make their dog run away?
I dont know about that, I'm a regular person.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Would you like some fibercon?
Because he was deaf, not blind.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why was the man whose life story was the basis of "Daredevil" so pissed off with the comic?
There's nothing left worth fighting for, Ed.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hello Wilbur, why are you holding that gun like that?
Rosebud was a slayer, not a sleigh.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So did you hear that Bob sold his beloved Cadillac after the 17th person got hit by it this week?
He looks just like Merv Griffin!
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
How will I know him at the airport?
It's in the glove compartment.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
OK, I know you stole my chain-mesh underwear. Where did you put it?
I have hidden depths.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Did you cover the swimming pool?
I forgot to sleep last night.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Just how bad is your short-term memory?
Yeah, but I was drunk at the time.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Awwww. Frisco, did you really bequeath all your worldly possessions to Thor?
A self-proclaimed swellhead.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
What do you think I am?
I should try that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that Bill Clinton used the oval office to pick up chicks?
Meep Meep.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
So Beaker, what experiment shall I, Dr. Bunson Honeydew, perform today?
Look, I told you, it's the frog that's dating the pig, the bear is just there for comic relief.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
What do you think about Fozzie as a romantic lead?
I think it's graph paper.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do geeks use when they make their own Valentine's day cards?
Motorcycles with training wheels.
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
What is the latest in French Army ATVs?
Coco Chanel's pet poodle.
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
So whos this new someone your dating?
28 holy child field hockey
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you graduate to after being a soccer mom for 8 years?
It's not on the agenda.
<edited to make sense after Toblerone -- love your candy, btw -- beat me on the Coco Chanel thing>
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited February 21, 2003).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What shall we do today Bob-Brain? Take over the world?
I was not the one arrested for being in a terrorist ring in Florida.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Awww...how come YOU always get to go to Disneyworld?
If you don't know already, I'm not going to tell you.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Where do babies come from?
I don't think it comes in that flavor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are they made with real Girl Scouts?
That's the way the cookie explodes.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Is there a reason there's chunks of brown stuff on the ceiling?
Boom baby! I'm the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I thought it was a figurative burst of flavor!?
I was thinking of getting it replaced.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
So in "The Keebler Elves do Return of the Jedi" the death star is actually a Fudge Shoppe Fudge Stripe?
They sold out. And for icky Illinois chocolate!
(Edited to add: Wow, two people beat me to it! But mine makes sense, so I'm leaving it.)
[This message has been edited by DeathofBees (edited February 21, 2003).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you get to see the new Batman movie last night, "Ickky Illinois Chocolates From Outer Space"?
I'm Batman, this is Robin.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Wow! Are you Power Rangers?
It has nothing to do with you.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Should I sue Stephen King for slander? That clown movie made me look a little evil.
I liked them...until they killed my parents, of course.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How are you getting along with all those voices in your head?
Great, fine, ok, terrible.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's it like having four heads?
He's broken out of his shell.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
So, is that our new secret weapon?
Go three streets up, then turn in at the second driveway. Honk your horn, then wait.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
How can I make you smile?
It's complicated, but it involves the speed of light and a lot of cheese.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You want to sell me Einstein's recipe for fondue?
Leonard Nimoy rocks! Moon rocks. Whatever...
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Let us start a new fad! What shall we use?
I swear, it wasn't me! Blame Bob!
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
You posted to the Begging the Question thread again, didn't you?
Funny Bob...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I wonder which Bob Action Figure is going to sell the best...Codger Bob? Watch Collector Bob? Traffic Safety Bob? Or maybe the one in the spandex shorts and leather jacket....
Yes, but it was a very shiny quarter.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
You had to go to the proctologist to remove a quarter?
Section 31.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where do you keep the really good straight lines?
Don't worry. It's just a word.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
You said you love her?!
Next to the numlock key.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Contestant number 3, where would your wife say, was the strangest place you've ever made "whoopie"?
I never asked that question. The tape is a lie.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Is this you stating that you wear chainmail underwear?
And you want this.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
When?
Some folks tell mighty tall tales.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
...and that's when I said "Why didn't you tell me the microfilm was hidden in my underwire bra in the first place?" It was hilarious. I guess you just had to be there....I'm sorry, did you want to say something?
Yeah, well it also could have been a man-eating iguana in orange bermuda shorts!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Are you sure that was Slash?
Yeah, unless I'm totally and completely blind.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Do you think you'll ever get over your obsession with onanism?
An empty chatroom.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So tell me what happened in your nightmare that was so awful it made you wake up in a cold sweat screaming your head off?
I know, I HATE that!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you know your tattoo is misspelled?
Monarch butterflies.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What did the nervous princess get before the coronation?
Stupid AT&T.
Posted by GreenEyes (Member # 4648) on :
I called you 15 times in the last three days! Are you saying you never got my messages?
I will only do it if the voices in my head tell me to. Unfortunately they don't speak English.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You posted at 2:30am, are you going to bed yet?
Sure am, big boy.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're going to eat at Bob's?!
*raises glass* Here's to the next thirty.
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
You've been making my life a living hell for the past thirty years! What do you have to say about that?!
It smelled like lilacs.
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
Now, why exactly did you eat that thing you found on the sidewalk the other day?
Oh not good, there are a about twenty fat ladies singing outside....
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
[edit: okay that made no sense, and i realize that now. *sigh* Let's try again]
I seriously don't believe that this is over. How does it look to you?
Today is the birthday of life!
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited February 23, 2003).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Do you really think a protozoa is going to be able to blow out all those candles?
This is the coolest thing I have ever seen
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Never been to Antarctica before, have you?
Let the games begin.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Well, what an interesting match we have here today. We have the Greeks vs the Modern Philosophers. The greeks have a great line-up, sporting Socrates, Plato, and Archimedes, while the Modern Philosophers boast of Karl Marx and Nitchze. Are we ready?
Ok, you caught me. It's a banana.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Just what are you doing with that cat?
I am the nothing man...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, your the next door neighbor of the muffin man? What, are you the Cookie Man or the Pancake or what?
I'd like to eat HER liver with some fava beans
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ralphie is a Butcher, and she's got some mean cuts of meat. Want some?
Please hold the onions.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
So how do you comfort vegetables?
This is my last straw!
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
Do you have anything we can use to break this camel's back?
I would, but there just arent enough
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
God, will you ever stop making stars?
Edit: wow, that came out nasty... it was directed towards human, for those that saw it
Ya well, that novak paranoia does creep in out of no where.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited February 23, 2003).]
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Did you just see a handsome young man dash by carrying a butcher's knife?
She was a rabid feminist.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What was the deal with that man spitting at Lee Majors?
I told you; the dishwasher is not a safe place to keep it!
Hobbes
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Well it once was a wonder life-like statue of Lott's wife made of a genuine pillar of salt, now its just a soggy lump.
I cant explain this weird feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Are you Mackillian?
Federal Credit Union
Posted by Hydralisk5284 (Member # 4683) on :
So who did you steal cash from to get off the streets?
It wasn't me, it was my great grand daddy!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who started that #$@$@#$@# "You know when you're old" thread?
There can be only one.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Morpheus, can I get a cool leather trench coat and sunglasses too??
An inch to the left.
[This message has been edited by Narnia (edited February 24, 2003).]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What did Michael Jackson do to his nose this time? You said he moved it?
I think you do.
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited February 24, 2003).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you really think Im the kind of guy to start more than one nth thread?
I wonder which one is hotter. Ally? Or Ally's sister?
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What do you do at work all day?
Well, he doesn't exactly fit the norm.
Posted by Hydralisk5284 (Member # 4683) on :
I wonder how your dad's been doing...
Because he got a face lift
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why does Bill look like he's being forced to smile?
*wearing a storm trooper uniform* Wait a minute. That's not star wars! Thats Revenge of the Nerds!
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited February 24, 2003).]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Hey, have you heard about that new Star Wars games where you hack into the database and control the world?
My flashlights are dead, so watch out for werewolves.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do we have to worry about? You have the worlds greatest super hero to protect us, The Silver Flashlight Twins. We are safe from the Werewolves.
You are never safe from a Werewolf with a moon tatto.
Posted by WmLambert (Member # 2509) on :
If she just wanted a cute little puppy tattooed on her left cheek, why did she get one with fangs?
Moon Doggy mets the big Cahuna.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
You know what would be a really cool movie?
Put my book in the bag the right way moron.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna see what I can do with my tongue?
Early morning is best for me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Anakin, when's the best time to tease a senator?
Battles for the hotdogs are fought every day. We try to make as many hotdogs as possible. We ask you not to fight for them. And please don't use weapons and magic in the cafeteria.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why is my hotdog floating above my bun?
Well, Hawt Dawg!
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
The New Yorkers are taking over the world!
Blimy!
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
Okay, now who was the Aussie that roasted the marshmellows? They are way over done. As in carbonized.
Xia and Shang
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I just watched Batman & Robin in China. Know what its called there?
It will all happen in the year of the rat.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
Why are you going into hibernation for the next 5 years?
it doesn't look like a poodle.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have in this cage, the creature of your worst nightmare, the thing that makes your shiver in your shoes and soil your clothing. It is the most disgusting, vial, evil creature God ever put on this earth. Behold!
Hi. My name is Dan Raven. I'm a Mathnet watcher.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Contestant number three, tell us who you are and what you really do...
Give me mine without the duck!
(edited for confusion..I am in class)
[This message has been edited by Dead_Horse (edited February 25, 2003).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Sponge bath, sir?
I'm afraid it's worse than that... He has disco fever.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
How long will he have to be in quarantine?
There is no such thing as too many books.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
The Beast (in Human form): Belle, you haven't stopped reading those books in the past 12 days. Don't you think thats too many books?
Lady luck, hold on to your pants.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Are you really going to risk all of your financial aid money at the craps table?
Well, I could have...I guess.
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
Could you have been the 3301 post?
Feet hurting at the end of the day and when waking up in the morning.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can you tell when it's time to give up firewalking in your sleep?
That was extremely callous.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you hear about the man who died from over-onanization?
I wouldn't touch that if I were you.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Uhhh, Frisco?
Well, it had to happen sooner or later.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why do people have to mention onanism on this thread?
We did everything in our power to prevent it.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Mariah Carey is making another movie?!
About 50cents, a wire coat hanger and lots of tinsel.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You spent Christmas in Atlantic City? Did you bring me anything?
No, I don't want to "try, try again!"
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Well here at Thelma's House of Pain, we don't actually give refunds, but can I perhaps offer you an exchange item which is a little...easier to remove?
I said 'no' and I meant...well, okay.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Again, I ask: Are you going to give me all of your money?
Well in that case, the sky will be shaped like a melon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
In my special place E=MC cubed.
It his birthday today.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Why is he look so happiness? (sorry, couldn't resist )
In an understated way.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
So you are saying that Hatrack is cool?
He's a hundred twenty and still kickin!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How old did you say that soccer player was?
The net result was close to nothing.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
How'd that fishing trip go?
The wind blew and blew and blew and it was HORRIBLE!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
How'd your gastrointestinal distress go?
(I know. Ewww!)
But in the BFG it was funny!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I know you were a riot in the Bavarian Folks Garage, but here in the US Canada Bashing just isn't funny.
That, dear sir or madam, was not a question.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you trying to kill this thread?
<insert inarticulate noise here>
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What did Joe Millionaire and the bondage girl do in the woods?
Gee wheez, the Bible is not a toy!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear that McDonalds has been taken over by God and that Bibles will now be found in every Happy Meal?
Orange. No. Interpretive Dancing. Its a story of love and conquest and pointing fingers.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Well, no offense but since I did beat you to it, you wouldn't mind deleting yours would you?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Sniff.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Was it a ballroom class, or jazz ballet class where the two main characters met? You know, when she was wearing that dress that was tangerine, or...I mean really, what's the book about?
I lost it all.
Posted by chocolate (Member # 4715) on :
quote:Orange. No. Interpretive Dancing. Its a story of love and conquest and pointing fingers.
Q: Can you say something incredibly random?
A: Sure, but as long as you don't sleep with her.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Can I borrow your teddy bear?
Don't dessert me now!
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
I'm sorry but i'm leaving you for Cookie
There can be only one type of chocolate in this town, and thats me
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What do you have against nutty people?
It's a long way down.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So, where was the Begging the Question thread before I posted?
Oh, somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Anyone seen my car keys?
And I swear, I saw the whole thing!
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
Did you really see Monica and Bill smoking cigars in the Oval Office?
It was the worst thing I ever dreamed about.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Did you dream about Hasselhoff and German sausages again?
George Bush simply is.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
What is the ultimate, a priori assumtion about life, the universe and everything?
Because my fingers are cold and it's late at night in Kansas City.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why would you even consider sticking your hand in there?!?! I mean, how're we going to tip them over if they wake up?
Never one in red stilettos.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Have you ever seen them crazy cross-dressin' clowns they got up in the city, boy?
I know Ralphie's quite, shall we say "randy," but you shouldn't ask questions like that!
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Did you ever see an elephant fly? - edit: disregard that, i missed!
Ok: second try:
Do you think Ralphie will vacuum my room?
The man but hello and no to monkey slobber.
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited February 28, 2003).]
Posted by Noodlenoggin (Member # 4314) on :
If you'll just tell me which gender has the nicest rear end, I'll give you a free can of Budweiser...
She should be punished.
Posted by chocolate (Member # 4715) on :
What should happen to a girl who dares to speak without my written permission?
No
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Now was that nice?
Nice is not a word I would use with her.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
How nice was she?
Now feel my on going barrage of tree scratchies you FIEND!
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
What do kats say when preparing for the enemy?
Recycling beer bottles.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Do you know how I paid for my college textbooks this semester?
Probably by selling your kidney.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Feyd, I...I have a confession to make. I think you are Hatrack's Handsomest Bachelor, and I've been trying to work up the courage to tell you. Would you...what would it...how could I get you to go out with me?
At this rate I'll never get my MRS degree and a Ring by Spring!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
The whole class thought you were male all this time?
I think that's pretty classy of you!
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
And after the red vinyl lamps are in, I'm going to wallpaper the entire front room in beer labels...whaddya ya think?
Not with that brand of cologne.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
We're out of liqeur, sorry. We do have this bottle of cologne, though, so do you still want that crepe flambe?
Yeah, but sometimes I still get the urge to... y'know... play some golf.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
That bumper sticker saying, 'Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls.' Is it true?
Oh it was just a fingernail!
Posted by imtheskywhoru? (Member # 4404) on :
im so sick of everything!!!!!!! its like whatever i do its wrong i just have to always go with the flow and im so phuking sick of it so i dont i do what i want to its not wrong or anyhting and still my parents get pissed then my teachers r pissed now my friends whatever i do its not good or perfect or reasnoble or anything its always wrong its like im going crazy!!!!!!!! and now everyone is pised at me but so am i
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
enjeeo, how did you know that I just broke one of mine? (Fingernail, that is.)
Rats, now I've got to cut all of them.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why did you only fire one employee? It is just not fair!
Hah, I've beaten you again.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
I scrambled 17 eggs in 1 minute. How about you?
When the screen burns out.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
How do the producers know that certain episodes are "too hot for TV"?
Hold it by the base with one hand, then squeeze from the bottom up.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Darn it, how do you turn these vibrator things off?
Competetive violence.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What nearly broke out during the Star Wars Trivial Pursuit game yesterday?
Ten monkeys and a duck.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
So there was another man who built an arc in preperation for the big flood you say? What animals did he bring along?
This is not a pipe.
Posted by hansenj (Member # 4034) on :
Damander, you know that smoking pipes is against the Word of Wisdom, not to mention the BYU Honor Code!
(Way to finally post on this thread Jon Boy! )
I did it using a complicated strategy involving a blow torch and a post-it note.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Hey, I thought those pants had a broken zipper! How'd you fix it?
Through the looking glass.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What did you say that you jumped through?
I heard it was true, but I haven't confirmed it yet.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Are you pregnant?
No thanks, I don't want ice cream right now.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
I'm having the naughtiest sinful experience of my life...wanna join me?
Yeah, well...I could have done it with less of a skid mark.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
I landed that fighter on fumes, with a 40-knot crosswind, on a carrier being attacked by enemy submarines, at night without lights - you think that's easy?
Don't blame me, blame the mafia.
[This message has been edited by Shigosei (edited March 03, 2003).]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
I heard some people died last night...
That hairbrush will come back to haunt you.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
I just dropped my brush in the toilet. Ew gross, should I just leave it there?
I liked Ophelia's original post better.
[This message has been edited by Narnia (edited March 03, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I just replaced Ophelia's fence post with a hand-carved totem pole depicting famous Hatrackers. Whaddya think?
My watch stopped.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
We've just been on this rollercoaster twice, and it's still 4:43pm! Maybe we've discovered the secret of controlling time! THIS ROLLERCOASTER COULD BE THE PORTAL TO A PARALLEL DIMENSION! Do you REALISE what this means???????!!!!!!!
(Edit because that was a question.)
Hold your breath and count to a hundred.
[This message has been edited by enjeeo (edited March 03, 2003).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
But what if I don't have any duct tape and plastic sheeting?!?!
Anything and everything...well, except for that.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What would you like on your pizza? The special topping today is pickled pigs feet.
I didn't realize it was a tube of super glue.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did you get picked to be one of the Bond girls?
The phone rang.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I just called to ask, "What's new Mr. Obvious?"
There is a fine line between the obvious and the oblivious.
Posted by AngryShark II (Member # 4742) on :
I'm back! HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.........
You missed me, didn't yea?
:Evil Shark Grin:
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Was that a hole-in-one, Mr. Norman?!
Oh, man...not a troll.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What's making that loud pounding noise on the door, Boromir?
Watching "Reality TV" on DVD
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why did you postpone our wedding again?
Practically nothing.
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited March 03, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did that question have to do with the answer above it?
Like a fish needs a bicycle.
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
I love you like the grass needs rain, how do you love me?
SPIDERS!!!!! SPIDERS EVERYWHERE!!!!!
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What is your favorite bug?
Stop the train, or the chickens will escape again!
[This message has been edited by Mr.Funny (edited March 03, 2003).]
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
And as you can see, this government-funded program gives chickens the chance to travel safely, while preventing them from cross our roads during peak hour traffic. Our next slide is...*through gritted teeth* Colonel Sanders! What are you doing here during a public presentation???
It's suspiciously warm in here.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Enjoying the kiddie pool?
It's not what you think.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Bob, what are you doing in bed with my wife?!?!?!
I tried doing it that way, but my foot got stuck.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you ever pedalled your wares?
It's an ides of March thing.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What's the big deal about Spring?
I hate all this snow!
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
What are you doing with the hair-dryer and the extra long extension cord?
I'd prefer buttons, but I guess a zip would be okay.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, how do you like your new teddy bear's eyes?
Well, we seem to have run into a snag here.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What's the last thing you want to hear from your liposuctionist?
Plastic sheeting and Duct Tape, of course.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you finally come to grips with your agoraphobia?
Online shopping.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited March 04, 2003).]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What landed you in the poorhouse, Bob?
AT-AT walkers are real, I tell you!
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Mr. President, why is it you want the joint chiefs to watch SW:TESB during their strategy meeting again?
I told you. You need an unabridged dictionary.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Mr.Funny: OK, so you talk to these little guys called Ewoks. Now you're telling me that this "Empire" is attacking our planet?
KarlEd: When are they going to alphabetize this thing?
Hot wax will get that off.
[This message has been edited by advice for robots (edited March 04, 2003).]
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What can I do about the unsightly and embarrassing hair on my palms?
I thought he was a burglar.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Honey, I'm home...why are you standing over my cat with a baseball bat?
A big bag of blue M&Ms, each.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I say chocolate is a cure for depression. You disagree. I have stacks of medical research. What is your proof?
Proof? We don't need no stinking proof!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How much alcohol was IN that?
Digital moonscapes.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What happened when Bob scanned his posterior?
I couldn't afford not to buy it.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What are you doing with an Ab Master 5000?
Six pack of love.
Posted by Trin (Member # 2704) on :
What do you hope to achieve by cloning that Hewitt girl so many times?
It involves a specially trained ferret.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
How do you intend to give Bill Gates a wedgie?
The force is not with you.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Why are so many of us Lord of the Rings movie fans criticized by Stars Wars fans?
Liv Tyler may be beautiful, but I don't think she can act.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Did you hear about the new movie, Arwengeddon? It's about this really cool elf-babe who saves the world from total anihilation by an asteroid! Won't it be great?
Without math, I am less than zero!
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
What did the first mathnet geek say to the second mathnet geek when they found out irish mythology was to be banned from the curriculum?
Phear Phactor.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What's that copy-cat reality show on Fox where they find out what you're irrationally afraid of and then offer you some paltry sum to face it?
Well, at least they don't have cows hawking fried chicken.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The Disney version of Animal Farm is just stupid. The animals don't rebel, they sing and dance and do stupid food jokes. What could be worse?
Micheal Jackson posing for Play-Weirdo.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What is your name and WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
For the last time, fried chicken and potatoes!
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
What did you want for christmas?
Only if i get 90% of it.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Sexy Girl: Darn it, I've lost my virginity. Will you help me get it back?
If your eye offends thee, pluck it out.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Eewwww. What did you do that for?
I did not look at you.
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
Why, do plucked eyes offend you?
I'm keeping an eye on you.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Um, why'd you pluck your eyeball out and glue it to me?
I only have eyes for you.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
Did you give her your eyes?
Maybe in the year 4408.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
When is Ralphie going to post something intelligent or funny?
Frankly, that's all rubber bands are good for.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where can I sell my Condom-cordian?
((Guys, those Eye jokes were terrible. You should have warned us to )
Beware the Eyes of March
Posted by chocolate (Member # 4715) on :
do you think i could sneak off with another girl without my girlfriend March finding me out?
I really want to grab it and squeeze it.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What's this I hear about you having a secret rendezvous with Mr. Whipple?
Well, the bathroom is haunted.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Musta been a trick of the light, but for a moment there, I could have sworn there were goldfish swimming in the toilet bowl...
Merry married quite contrary.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Frodo Merry Baggins the Fourth?
Ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How long have you been jumping to conclusions like this?
Hence, foul Knave!
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Can you show this rogue the way to the communal showers? He hasn't bathed in weeks.
That's why they call her Ms. Moneypenny.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
She is the cheapest phone psychic I've ever called, but boy did she keep me on the line for a long time. At 3 cents a minute, twelve days sure add up. How does she do it?
Oops, this took longer than it should have.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wasn't there something in the plan about resting on like the 5th day of Creation?
Humans were a rush job.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
OSC where do you get those funky names for your characters?
That is the living end.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What a strange room: why is there a casket on one end, and a bed on the other?
The birds and/or the bees.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Which end has the trigger?
The theme from the Pink Panther.
Posted by chocolate (Member # 4715) on :
whats that song again?
nfo;wkoiuvewn wrp8e0 pgf[043h=]f#ahrgv
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
alksjdhv vu`1384yusadl (*&CH?
Light it and watch for yourself
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
Mommy, what happens when you light a fart on fire?
Well, if that isn't the most...how could you...I plead the fifth.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Did you set the house on fire AGAIN??
Alas, it was not meant to be.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd your quest to find the Holy Grail in Paramus, NJ turn out?
It's a really big mall.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Alright, I don't care about how... But why is your car in the middle of the foodcourt?
It seems to like pretzels.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We are hunting the wild Frisco. Any ideas to use as bait?
Whatever you do, don't put that in your mouth.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Hi Everyone. I'm the new intern here at the White House. Anyone want a cigar?
This lasagne is a little...crunchy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is the oven still on the fritz?
Cold too.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
What is the name of the sequel to the movie Cold?
Have an orange.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
I'm sick of being stuck on this island with only one tree... WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?!?!?
Learn to swim like a dolphin.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Kathie Lee Gifford keeps following me around! How do I get off this cruise ship?!
I can't stand it when she does that.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Did your wife just push you to your knees and scream "Worship me, mortal!"?
I wish it were that complicated.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Life?
"I am a Golden God!"
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Someone, please, how do I get this gold dust off of me?
I'll just be under the table, thanks.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
Hey lma! We're starting up a game of strip poker...are you in?
She buys me that for every birthday.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
A Perry Como Christmas???
Toenail fungus.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
You know what wouldn't be a really great name for a band?
And skin to beat the band!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Jerry and the Four Skins?
A potato pancake gone horribly wrong.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
What's the latest on Michael Jackson?
Too little, too late.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You're out of gas? Gee, here's a buck. Will that help?
Maybe we can get another one from a pet store.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
God is dead???
We'd better not tell the pope.
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
God is dead???
Oh man, the zipper is stuck again
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Why don't you get out of that Barney costume?
Before someone decides to take a potshot at you.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So, when do you think I should throw my bouquet?
I had no idea you were so gullible.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
When should I get out of the way of that giant marijuana (sp?) launching device?
RUN!!!!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Theres a bomb attached to this bus. If it drops under 60 miles an hour, it blows up. What do you do? What DO you do?
I am the very model of a modern, updated Bob.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
How can I find out if this shirt I want to buy for Scopatz will fit?
What happens if you leave Orange Crush out in the sun too long?
Safety is the only goal.
Posted by Cap'n Pat! (Member # 4779) on :
Ahoy there, put down your sails, and prepare to be boarded!
**fires some cannonballs over the bow as a warning sign**
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Arr! What 'ould you do if I ran away with your parrot?
With enough layers of masking tape, it should hold together.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Cap'n! Our starboard side be leakin' like an upturned bottle o'rum! What do ye say we do?
A pirate's life for me.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
You're dropping out halfway through college? Why?
Twenty paces east, twelve paces east by southeast, beneath the cluster of palm trees.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Come on, Lorena, I'm serious! Where is it?
Because I'm depressed. Or happy.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
So, why isn't the Bipolar Disorder getting to you?
I'll just run it through my calculator a couple times.
Posted by advice for pirates (Member # 4781) on :
What d'ye plan to do with that fine sword?
And that's why they call it the Jolly Roger, maties.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Yonder flag be a bit on the boney side, aren't it?
Not for all the grog in the great China Sea!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Would you please stop posting like a pirate?
Skill with a skull.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why are you the official pirate embroiderax?
I made up that new word. I am so proud.
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
Randomosity?
the sun is setting, and the cows are farting
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So, how's life in Nebraska?
Flat, very vert flat.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
How was your apartment after the earthquake?
Arrr! You be walkin' the plank now, matey!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Did you just hoist the misenmast?
He did it.
Posted by sarahdipity (Member # 3254) on :
Who let the dogs out?
Naturally procrastination is an art.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
How are you making so many A's in Grad School?
Everyone has a price.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
How much to not beat me to the question next time?
I'd like to run away now, please.
Edit: because someone beat me to the procrastination question.
[This message has been edited by littlemissattitude (edited March 11, 2003).]
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Would you like to kiss my frog?
I made photocopies.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
HA HA HAH! I've destroyed your map to the secret treasure and now only _I_ know the way.
Use orange peels.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
We still haven't caught the wild Frisco, any other suggestions?
Maybe a punji stick.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
We still haven't caught the wild Frisco, any other suggestions?
Deja Who?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I just heard "Won't Get Fooled Again"... again. Weird.
(You think I'm wild now, just wait until I'm out of the straightjacket)
There is a good, scientific reason for it...but I still think it's just to strengthen your tongue muscles.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited March 11, 2003).]
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Why do you think I kiss you like that?
Yes, and I did it on my own. If by "on my own" you mean "with five other people."
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You covered yourself with hickeys? How?
Only if you wear a sombrero this time.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Can we go to the Democratic convention in Lubbock again this year?
Well, at least there'd be two people there.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Why are they holding the Glitter 2 premier on the ISS?
Radio Free Hell
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
First Radio Free Zerg, what's next?
Umm... Another reality show.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
What is this new show, I think it is called, "Inside the Life of OSC," where the cameras follow him around and stuff?
Because English teachers love to torture me.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
So you're teachers make you turn in your IM conversations? HA
Snoopy and his bunch of yellow friends.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
So you're teachers make you turn in your IM conversations? HA
Snoopy and his bunch of yellow friends.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What would you get if you crossed Peanuts with Simpsons?
Hey, ho, to Grenme I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall and wind may blow But there still be... Many miles to go. Sweet is the song of the falling rain And the stream that runs from hill to plain Its sweeter than rain and rolling brook Its a mug of Beer inside this Took.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What happens to T_Smith when he has a few too many root beers?
You can hardly blame me. I mean, it was already on fire!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
OK, who lit the Middle East?
Monday through Sunday.
Hobbes
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
When does Hobbes post fluff?
Waiter, this noodle soup has brocolli (sp?)!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
We've taken out the chicken, chicken broth, grasshoppers, beef fat, leather, blood sausage, and pickled pigs' feet. Now what's not vegetarian about your order?
I think that's in the wrong order.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?
Rational exponents.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
There's a riot going on outside between OIL (Organization of Irrational Loons) and some other group. Know who they are?
That would be the coal burners.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Scottie, the warp coil is over flooded with anti-matter, what kind of back up propulsion system do you have?
Cling on! Cling on!
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What do those aliens from Star Trek do?
The trick is in the speakerphones.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
How did you convince him that you were his conscience?
Stop looking at my bank book!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Wow, how many red pens did you go through writing this?
Oh, that's not ink, it's blood.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you drinking ink?!?!
Stupid deaf genie and his stupid three wishes.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Why in the world are you carrying around a 10 inch pianist, herding a hundred sows and bucks, and what looks like a dammed up hearing aid?
They lit a duck.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What did they do when you asked to see a firefly?
Well, I did, but she thought I was talking about her figure.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You wrote Kristine Card and thanked her for keeping such a nice 'Rack?
(I'm so going to be banned)
Okay, but only for a minute or two.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Frisco, Ms. Card wants to speak with you. NOW!!!
(edited because I thought this was funnier)
Walk this way. Talk this way.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited March 13, 2003).]
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
The absolutely biggest mouth in the world - I mean you could like get lost in it and he opens it and says what??????
Fishballs or gumballs . . . and I gotta choose.
Posted by chocolate (Member # 4715) on :
Do you prefer fishballs or gumballs?
No, but i am prepared to just suck it.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Are you ready to eat that WHOLE LEMON???
Alt-F4 is all the rage for key combos!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
I just worked for hours on end and my mouse went out. What do I press on the keyboard to save my work?
0.5 pencil led and body armor.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What do you take to that writing class with your insane, crazy, psycho, lunatic teacher?
If, that's the case, you had better run along and whap them on the head.
Posted by America Online (Member # 4825) on :
Didn't you hear me say there are many more than four horsemen of the apocalypse and they're all headed this way?
Please tell me why you think you would like to cancel your subscription.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Listen you beaurocratic #@$@#$@~!!!! Why do you keep billing me? I've never owned a computer. I've never used a computer. I hate the Internet. I live alone in a shack in the middle of Montana, 300 miles from a #$@#$@ phone line. I had to hike here just to get you to quit sending me bills.
Besided that little problem, my day is going fine.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You were beaten senseless by a group of midgets for making "short" puns?!
I've got to be free!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How much for the Frisco?
Times are changing.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Uhhhg what a smell. Who's changing the baby?
The Times have arrived.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Honey, why is Morris Day standing in the front yard?
It was nothing I couldn't handle with a nine iron.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
What do you mean, you can't beat off women with a stick?
The supersoaker seems to have been misplaced.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Hadn't you heard that the supersoaker has been found hovering over Central California?
The water in the gutter is nearly a foot deep.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
So, Myrddin, what have you learned from Hatrack Chat?
I am a monkey of the cheese! *rumble*
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What are you doing in a giant motorized yellow gorilla that smells funny?
I am INVINCIBLE!
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What are you doing clicking your pen spastically?
I am hut!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So Jabba, I hear your going to be writing a book about your cameo's in Star Wars. What are you going to call it?
It's none of your business what I do with my coffin.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why is it, that whenever you sneeze, you bottle it up?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What is the sound of a dead sheep?
Roadkill.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What happens when a highway acquires a weapon?
To steal laptops, of course.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where should the stripper Irene Ironthighs go to earn her money?
Steal, steel, what's the difference
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why did you take the battleship? I told you to plate it with armor!
Don't go to the Castle of *thunk* *gasp* Ow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna play some x-treme Chess?
What a rook!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
This is a laser guided, turbo charged, dual carbed, juel injected, hyper balanced, dilithium shielded, chromium plated, Silver etched and engraved chess piece signed by Fisher himself. What do you think?
Go castle yourself.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
I found this old, old, old, spell in a magic book. It was titled, 'le'. Will you help me use it?
Maglights are the best!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
I've driven six hours so I can do some real dark-sky observing. Do you mind turning that off?
The love of my life, I think.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
That's the third batch of chocolate chip cookies you've baked today. Just how important is chocolate to you, anyway?
About a hundred bucks.
[This message has been edited by Jon Boy (edited March 18, 2003).]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What do you get when you subtract five hundred male deer from six hundred male deer?
Sheesh... ignorance is spreading like wildfire.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Did you know Hitler had a twin who was just as evil as him, and he is posing as Hussein in Iraq, only nobody but the guy playing Hussein ever sees him?
It was a sad, sad event in the history of history.
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited March 18, 2003).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Honey I'm home. How was your day?
Pour me a cold one and oh, by the way, rub my feet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again. How did you get turned into a Centipede?
Think of it as one giant air freshener.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Um... why are you flooding the room with hydrogen gas?
Here, light a match.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Oh man, you got some air freshener on you, cause YOU STINK!
You are? Well, that changes everything.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
I am the Walrus's second cousin.
[Ok. You can't ask a question that leads to a question. Sue me for using a statement.]
I am the Walrus's second cousin.
Posted by rindlord (Member # 4877) on :
are you well i m with stupid
are you dead
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Am I no longer annoyed with people who forget the structure of this thread?
Yes. With my bare hands. And feet.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Hey, Frisco! Are you going to rip apart and bludgeon the next person who doesn't read instructions?
I mostly skimmed the book, but when the author comes to town, I'll have to pretend I liked it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you studied the Bible?
I got a paper cut and took that as an omen.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Why did you drop out of Bible study?
Oh, I'm waiting for the rapture.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Welcome to Jurrasic Park. Have you come all this way to be devoured by a raptor?
Just wanted to check if this was still here.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you mind pulling your pants up?
Silly...um...boy.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Would you call a crazy hermaphrodite crazy girl or crazy boy?
Bring it on, 1227!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
How did you challenge Bernard again?
I'm sure it involved Bawls.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do I feel as if I could run around the world 3 times?
Instant Gremlins.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"The come in a bag They'll eat your pet dove They taste great for lunch What food am I singing of?"
The breakfast cereal that may eat you.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Did you know that the lemonade you had this morning was not lemonade?
I don't amount to much when it comes to that....
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
How are you with computers?
Yes I like cheese but I prefer tuna, thank you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are these from Pepperidge Farm?
He's a cereal killer.
[ March 19, 2003, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Have you heard about that guys who goes out daily and just slaughters those poor Cheerios?
Wow! Thank you so much! I *love* Cocoa Puffs!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
*gives a bowl of cocoa puffs* Ok, now for the camera, say "Im Coocoo for Coacoa Puffs!"
A horrible repeat of answers.
[ March 20, 2003, 01:13 AM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You told your wife twice that those pants made her look fat?
I've given you everything I have.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
When I asked if I could borrow some money, I was hoping for a little more than this. Are you sure this is all you've got?
It was supposed to be a surprise!
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
How could you not tell me that you're carrying my child?!
It wouldn't be the first time that's happened.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
I'm telling my wife.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Congrat's on the new baby. Who are you going to tell first?
This goes way beyond a failure to communicate.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Whoever was in charge of Begging the Question let it slip all the way down to page three. Why? How could you let such a tragedy occur?
I cannot explain it rationally.
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
Whats pi?
That just doesnt seem like it fits through.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
A camel through the eye of a needle?
I plan to be filthy rich.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
You plan to make your fortune in clay exports?
The camera will flash you.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why is your film rated R?
Like a dog begs, baby!
[ March 21, 2003, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: Diosmel Duda ]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
How do you like your women to ask you out on a date?
Funk and love.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
How do you get women to detest you so much? (sorry, mean, but I couldn't resist)
My chinchilla.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Is that a chinchilla in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
About seven shots.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What would it take to knock an Alcoholic Were-wolf out?
Well, as a matter of fact: no. I just can't seem to find my eyes right now.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're walking funny. Have you been drinking?
It felt like rice pudding.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Welcome to Gross Anatomy, students. Today we'll be studying the human brain . . .Ew, Yuck! Whaddaya think you're doing there?
Sure, but then he never called. . . he never wrote. . . .
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you really go on a date with a no-handed mute?
It's the crepe crusader!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who WAS that french baker flying high in the sky?
We must have just entered the Twilight Zone.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is everyone talking like they have an underbite and going "de dee de doo" over and over?
That was a great special effect.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of Micheal Jackson's new look?
It all in the nose.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey! Where'd my two cups of flour go?
That has drug connotations.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My new dog has no legs. I just took him out for a walk. What's wrong with that?
Me and Bob appear to be dueling it out.
Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :
Q: Which one of you wants to be the first to try the new Prozac air freshener?
A: Because you can never add too much water to a nulcear reactor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you always spit when I mention Chernobyl?
I could've said "urinate."
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Really, on a scale of 1 to 10, how witty do you think I am?
I don't know if that's good or bad.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did I tell you that I ran into your boss on the way home from work today?
3 rocks, a glue gun, and some pipe cleaners.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your take on devil's food cake wrestling? (oops, that was for Dan's)
For Narnia's: What did you find that convinces you God made the world as we know it?
I like a frosted mug.
[ March 22, 2003, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Do you like kissing old men with or without beards?
A crescent wrench would work quite well.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Can you deal with your root beer in a can or are you going to whine some more?
dang, that was for Bob's
For Khav's: I'm having trouble with one of my students. Do you have any ideas on how I can help him better understand biochemistry?
It couldn't have been more bizarre.
[ March 22, 2003, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How was your visit with Michael Jackson?
Beat it!
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
They said you should do WHAT to that poor puppy?
A long time ago in a stormy desert there resided a mage with long greasy hair and eyes filled with fire.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the best way to begin explaining the war to children?
I met that girl. She sang the blues. I asked for for some happy news, but she just smiled and spanked me.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So you went to a Karoke bar with Ralphie?
Better not to ask sometimes.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who's that in the red latex suit carrying a riding crop?
Mrs. Claus got her thing going on.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why's Santa shaking like a bowl full of jelly?
Be still my trembling stomach.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you read T_Smith's thread?
Tastes just as good coming back up!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
What do they always say about your cooking?
Somebody open the window!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is your Mac on fire?!
Well, I forgot, ironically enough.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So did you go to your Amnesia support group?
Edit to explain post below: I first had "I can't tell if thats chicken salad or more lemon pie."
Ya, something told me it was.
[ March 23, 2003, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't that an explosive combination?
I'm so happy I could just burst!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Did your water break?
The edge of the cliff.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What would birds think of chocolate-covered rice at weddings?
I laughed after the pain subsided.
Posted by Noodlenoggin (Member # 4314) on :
Mugged by a CLOWN?!?!
I had to do it.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you just question your own answer?
No. And since you brought it up, quit stalking me.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
T_Smith, can I show you my photo album? I've titled it '112 Special Moments of T'.
Does that come in Raspberry?
[ March 23, 2003, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: enjeeo ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
...and that is all 152 flavors of sin-cream Ice Cream. Any questions?
Nobody cares.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
My anus is bleeding!
1 and 1 and 1 is three.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do they call it a threesome?
enjeeo, that question was beautiful, by the way.
That's ok. I suppose I'll forgive you.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So we're okay with that cutting off the leg thing?
Oh yeah, I still got another.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Mr. Jackson, you aren't serious about retiring after The Two Towers, are you?
Ralph Bakshi did it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who squeezed the Charmin? More importantly, who squeezed, fondled, groped, and had illicit relations with the Charmin?
I like the name Mr. Whipple.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What does your wife call you in bed?
Yep, this thread is still alive.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I thought after unraveling that possessed sweater, it would just die.
My amazing techno colored jump suit.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Eminem, are you going to remake ALL of Andrew Lloyd Weber's musicals?
They say the lights are bright on Broadway.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Your Rice Krispies are posessed by three French tourists?
Three more and I might marry you!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you think of my universal adapter?
Plug it in, turn it on.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Governor Bush, what exactly is your stance on the death penalty?
What we have here is a failure to fornicate.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Baren, is it true you're an endangered species?
I went through three floppy disks in a week!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Nato, I hear you created a human permeable floppy disk. How fast can one permeate through one of them?
You want them, you can have them.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are those chain mesh?
Ah, the classics!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you like to check out my vintage Playboy collection?
Yes, with a stapler...though I don't understand how.
Posted by Super Dan (Member # 4908) on :
I heard you got lucky at the Prom Saturday night. Who, or what, did you go with?
I was too drunk to remember.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What happened last night?
A date with a perfect "10."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you clutching those two stone tablets?
You gotta love religion.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Are you sure the Pope is not going to join the coalition of the willing?
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Another pop quiz, Mrs. Lopez?!
I can see my house from here!
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Frisco! Why don't you just back away from the ledge now, son?
Too much time out in the sun is hazardous to ones health.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey was that Icarus?
Flaming!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, how do you like your gays?
I sure hope so.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
So, do you like gays?
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have I shown you my plan to get plastic surgery so I can look like Celine Dion?
I've got Michael Jackson's nose.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Bob, the folks at Hatrack aren't shilling out any cash. What's your next black mail scheme?
I have an earring of power.
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
How did you get so feminine?
My lava lamp won't light!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Life isn't really that desperate and dark, is it?
He fell out of the nut tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did Michael Jackson get that way?
Glove, 1 (sequined).
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the lastest thing the plastic surgeons are adding to Micheal Jackson?
Puberty. It must be Puberty.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is my mind in the gutter?
A giant cyclopian zit.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
C'mon, what can be worse than my third nipple?
Nuclear launch detected.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I wonder what this red dot is on my chest.
I think you should slow down.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What do those flashing lights in my rear view mirror mean?
It's a shame, that's what it is.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What's this white, fuzzy thing under my rolling chair?
Mmm, better not to ask.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Will this thread ever end?
I swear it was all charitable contributions!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So you convinced the IRS to let you write off an entire set of lawn furniture just because a homeless man stole it before the trash man came?
I've had better.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you like that lawn furniture you took from us on trash day?
He's an intellectual night light.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you define T_Smith in five words or less?
No I can't, and you can't make me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Can you lick your elbow?
I don't know any other way to shuck it, so it must be.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You call that shucking?
Okay, but there's no joy in it for me.
(edited because T_Smith beat me to it!!!)
[ March 31, 2003, 05:27 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
(girl asking) Bob, will you go on a date with me?
I do! I do!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who wants trident?
(if you remember that commercial, I love you)
I was both disappointed and surprised.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, how does it feel to be questioning your own answer?
Call me square but yes.
[ March 31, 2003, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Do you have a block-head?
I would like to try eating that!
EDIT: she did edit it out... Nice save T.
[ March 31, 2003, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: Nick ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Do you like the plumage on my very ostentatious hat?
That's truly revolting.
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
did you know that OSC is totally devoted to castroism
a dead fish in the grange
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Darling, you're home! It's been so long! What is that you've brought for me?
I can't even remember his name!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You did WHAT with WHO last WHEN?!?!?
Hype the fashion WHAT!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
[ April 01, 2003, 09:27 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Aren't you annoyed that someone tore out the last chapter of your copy of the new Robert Jordan novel?
If that's what it means, then count me out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Soylent green is people?
I think we're gonna need a bigger filter!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Daylight savings is coming up; what are the implications for coffee drinkers?
I love the java jive and it loves me. (not really! Don't panic!)
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What's that smell? Are you drinking Postum?
I bought it as a joke. I didn't expect your parents to see it.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What in the heck are you doing with that whip?!
I had no idea you were so hyper.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Don't you just love that Starbucks across the street?
Big bird!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Do you have any ideas for Halloween costumes for someone 6' tall?
Whew, that was a close one though!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So Celia suspects nothing?
Not from us, just from David.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What's that smell?
Pork in a barrel.
Hobbes Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What did you say that giant gun that launches pigs was called again?
That's my motto: Build, build, and build some more!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Mr. Carter, do you have anything to say to Saddam?
Oasis pure and simple.
Hobbes Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What did moses as god for after being in the wilderness for 39 years?
Because it's not in teamwork.
[ April 03, 2003, 01:07 AM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why the heck am I not in your group?
Joints and shoulders.
Hobbes Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What happens when you combine drug use and an Anatomy (sp?) class?
Giant razorblades in my dreams.
Posted by Toranaga-sama (Member # 4966) on :
Whats that upon the ground, o'er yonder?
The devil made me do it!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What on earth did your last post mean?
Little chocolate kisses. Or perhaps they were mustard.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Find anything interesting in that diaper?
Parents should be potty trained first.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why did you lock all the new moms and dads up in the bathroom before they start having kids?
Bob, GET OFF MY LAWN!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Frisco: Ah, what a relief. Bob: What are you doing here? Frisco: When nature calls, the body answers.
A classic bit of dialogue left out of "The Odd Couple"
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What was that? Did they just confess their love for one another and plan a honeymoon to Tahiti?
That's the dumbest question I've ever heard!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
?
You have some issues, my friend.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what should I do? Use the money to buy my dog a kidney or remodel my coat closet?
I could have thought of something dumber.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Mute = Dumb, what's the problem?
Okay, so I guess you can't really hear a mute.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Isn't it obvious?
I say that you're hilarious!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What? Am I funny to you? Am I some kinda clown? Do I amuse you?
4 out of 5 dentists agree.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're giving up your dream of becoming an orthodontist just because you like to argue??
Bigger than a breadbox.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How big of a loaf is too big?
(edited because SOMEBODY beat me to the question)
Ummmm Donuts.
[ April 04, 2003, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Which came first...the chicken or the egg?
That's why they call me "Fast Eddie".
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Girl: "Thanks for nothing, quick draw."
I feel dirty now. Excuse me while I go repent.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you see the latest Christina Aguilera video?
Too much is not enough.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you think size matters? (when it comes to donuts of course)
Its not the size of the donut, its the sprinkles that count.
Posted by karnivore (Member # 4788) on :
Edd, why must you ramble on about these useless thoughts?
I was hoping only my cat would discover that.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why is there human fecal matter in the litter box?
Four score and 2 minutes ago.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Okay, so when was the world created according to your religion?
Actually, we all just called it the Emancipation Procrastination for laughs.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mr. Grant is it true you think the Emancipation Proclamation is ever going to happen?
Last time I checked it was. Let me check again. *looks* Yup.
Posted by Trondheim (Member # 4990) on :
What sex are you again?
Anytime!
Posted by MK-ULTRA (Member # 5009) on :
Whats the best time for veggies?
For pulling out his wallet.
Posted by Trondheim (Member # 4990) on :
Why did he get arrested?
Give me a break!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What, don't you think that he should have gotten arrested for wearing a peace pin?
Bizarre, but true.
Posted by Trondheim (Member # 4990) on :
"Keiko" has found refuge in Norway. How would you rate his reunion with his childhood sweetheart?
"Cicciolina" Rice was finally found out!
Edit: slight misunderstanding
[ April 05, 2003, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: Trondheim ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear about the homosexual that was in the mob?
Now that is a great stickup line.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
No I'm not happy to see you and yes this IS a gun in my pocket! Is that what you wanted to hear?
I guess you could give him the microfilm if you're ok with the world ending sooner than we all wanted it to!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I give him the microfilm or not? Yes or no.
Frailty, thy name is Fast Food.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
WHAT'S MY NAME? C'MON SAY IT!!! WHAT'S MY NAME?
Gettin' Jiggy Wit It.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I heard Puff Daddy had a knew techno album out, but a new fishing show!?!?
Yes, and it broke my toe.
Posted by Toblerone (Member # 4602) on :
So, is it true that you got a pet mongoose
better, faster, stronger
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what are some characteristics of the BTQ thread as of late?
I love this thread!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why can't you just stop sewing for one day?!
First in the front, then in the back, then in the front again. I'm rather worn out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Regretting that extra doorbell yet?
Home Depot is the gate to hell!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Your entire family was killed by a rogue gang of posessed 2X4s?
Well, it certainly is better than a grilled cheese sandwich.
[ April 07, 2003, 02:01 PM: Message edited by: Frisco ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I'm taking your advice about getting a different hat. What do you think?
Please, please, if you have to ask, remember that there's only four left.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Daddy, if I'm really good this year, will Santa Claus get me one of the Great Pyramids of Egypt?
If you keep making that face, it will get stuck that way.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I was thinking of calling it "self-portrait". You got any other ideas?
Listen, I know it's tempting, but you have to resist if you want to see any long-term benefits.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Will my life insurance pay out even if I decide on suicide?
I used to be...before the accident.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I've been looking forward to strip-poker all day. How about you?
Faster than a speeding bullet.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the secret to dodging bullets?
'Scuse me while I brace myself...
[ April 07, 2003, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You really think reading "Do-It-Yourself Dentistry for Dummies" is going to help?
I might be. I can't remember.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is anyone here member number 3765?
A tattoo where even I can't see it!!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're hearing voices in your head, but all they say is, "De plane, boss, de plane!"?
I think I'll just watch this time.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Come Pinky, its time to take over the world.
Its the end of the world as we know it.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did I just see a last post thread?
You call them nerf herders.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What should we call those people herding nerfs?
It's called wiggle room.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Isn't there a better term for 'Dedicated Onanism Space'?
That ought to affect his credit rating!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you hear that Bob just got arrested for embezzling 13 million dollars from his law firm?
Yes, that's what I said.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you, Narnia take this, um...what is he? Well, do you?
Seems fishy to me.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Waiter, are you sure this is bouillabaisse?
It's always the monkeys.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Someone keeps breaking into the employee lounge and reprogramming the VCR. Do you know who it could be?
I'd like an anteater with that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Okay, that's one complete box set of Pink Panther cartoons. Anything else?
If you got that one, you are definitely old.
[ April 08, 2003, 01:17 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I took this photo of the baby Bob. Wanna see?
I'm not that old.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you took dictation for God?
Take two tablets and call me in a millennium.
Posted by Bumper Car (Member # 4981) on :
What should I do about these bumps?
Vroom!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So Mario Andretti, what do you think of Onanism?
I can't believe I said that!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is it with you and auto racing?
Maybe she's just tired.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wow, was she just run over by a car, or what?
You're supposed to put a lid on it first.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That Mr. Cra%%%% and his new invention is history. I've made a cheap clone of his new fangled toilet. Its perfect. What do you think.
I am flushed with victory.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Well, Mr. Rael, how does it feel to finally have cloned something?
I think you need to have that examined more closely.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I have a mole that is genetically identical to you. Is that even possible?
DNA is sacred to my religion.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So your cramming a goldfish in your ear why?
Because it sounded like a good idea at the time.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
So wait. You took out a personal ad, then got married to a complete stranger so you could stop people from calling you in response to your ad???
I need to get me one of those.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you like my Hatrack body double?
No! You're supposed to attack HIM first!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Would my making silly faces at him improve Bob's day?
I once made you laugh.
[ April 10, 2003, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
I don't care what you're doing with my spleen, will you put it down please?
Yeah sure, let me find a bowl.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you have any experience in cutting hair?
The nearest one is over three blocks and around the back in the alley.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where's the nearest Hatrack Gathering?
These things are popping up everywhere!!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, Pharoah, can my people go now?
That's what you get with an open Forum.
[ April 10, 2003, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What's with all the Newbies?
Give me a loincloth and i'll be your tarzan.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
WHy, in God's name, are you naked and swinging from the chandelier?
I must admit, he is keeping it light.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
Why did God make it so sunny today?
7:15 PM five years from yesterday.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can you tell me again when the next Ohio clump Hatrack gathering is?
I'll bring the alfalfa sprouts, you bring the cream cheese.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
For tonight's potluck I was planning to bring lime jello, but I'm out. What are you bringing and what do you suggest I bring?
Uh, excuse me. I'll be back. Soon.
Posted by strawberrygirl (Member # 5030) on :
Don't you think we should talk about what you did?
Two goats and one sheep.
[ April 11, 2003, 03:51 AM: Message edited by: strawberrygirl ]
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
So, how much should I give your parents if I want them to let me marry you?
I swear, she was an artist!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You had Helen Keller do your tattoo?
I guess I should've poked some airholes in the box.
<and let me just say how impressed I am that our newest member, Strawberry Girl, has jumped right into Hatrack's most prodigious thread>
[ April 11, 2003, 10:30 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
And let someone know that I was shipping you an aardvark?
Pick that up off the floor or someone will trip over it.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Where did my MOAB go?
Why slap my ass and call me Susan.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Any last words Mr. Hussein?
Typical, topical and semi-autbiographical.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you think of Are You My Mother?
Dr. Seuss and Papa Moose.
Posted by strawberrygirl (Member # 5030) on :
If the world exploded, which two people whose names rhyme would survive?
ketchup and mustard, of course.
(thanks Bob )
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
No, the Colonel couldn't have done it in the Library with the Monkey Wrench alone. He needed help. Great Scott, could it have been his Aide, Sgt Ketchup?
Thank you for the condiment.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's inthe foil packet?
I thought you said we were going to smoke a turkey.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We're coming up on Istanbul. Ready to drop the Moab?
Shock and Awe shucks
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You guys are doing a great job over there in Iraq. What do you have to say for yourself?
This'll just take a minute!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
You guys are doing a great job over there in Iraq. What do you have to say for yourself?
Oops, can I have that back?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Can I see that trillion dollar bill for a minute?
The great thing about that is that he looks totally innocent.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
He won the Mafia game?
Looks can be decieving. So can she.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does your horoscope say today?
That's why we should stick to ice cream.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
But won't we slide off when the ice cream melts?
Look outside and see if it's raining.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How was I supposed to know the go-cart would rust?
Ewww, you're eating THAT?
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Want some of this yogurt I found in the pantry?
Can't say that I, or any other sane peorson, does.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Wanna go TP Orson Scott Card's house?
Fred Durst certainly isn't.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Who's your daddy?
For once, I'm glad my glasses are broken.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So, what's this about T_Smith running around without a shirt on?
I don't know, but that infinite abyss is looking pretty good right about now.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You saw T Smith without a shirt on?
Fireflies in the night.
Posted by Gottmorder (Member # 5039) on :
If I set this guy on fire and throw his still burning ashes off a cliff, what does it look like?
42
[ April 14, 2003, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: Gottmorder ]
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I've heard that when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. I wonder if that means that you can see your reflection. What do you think?
For your convienience.
Edit: Yikes, two people beat me to it!!!!!!
When deciding who's response to post to, I feel compelled to point out that 42 has already been an answer (maybe multiple times) .
[ April 14, 2003, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: Xavier ]
Posted by Gottmorder (Member # 5039) on :
quote: When deciding who's response to post to, I feel compelled to point out that 42 has already been an answer (maybe multiple times)
My friend, 42 is the answer to the life, the universe, and everything. It's only natural. Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
42 times a day?! Don't you know you'll go blind?!!!
That's strike one, buddy.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Um, you didn't catch the tango with the LavaLamp on tape, did you?
A three-foot mound of shredded paper.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
What does a four-ton gorilla have for lunch?
I've lost my copy of Ender's Game.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is there a forehead-shaped dent in your wall?
Well, he stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum, but after that, I'm a little hazy on the details.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How exactly did little Jack Horner rob the Plum factory?
*looks at bob and wonders if bob was trying to go somewhere else with that*
Peace-porridge in Iraq nine days old.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What would you like with your freedom fries?
I majored in English.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
What do you mean, there's no jobs out there for you? I thought you were a college grad!?
Everything's going to be fine now. (by the way, after days, weeks even, of searching, I found my copy of EG shortly after my previous post...)
Posted by Gottmorder (Member # 5039) on :
Hey is Godzilla returning to the sea?
Must've been the artillery.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did your relatives finally leave?
Mostly, I just write my name in the sand.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Are you planning an epic novel to put your mark on history and ensure immortality?
Why on earth would you think that??
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Don't Martians come from around here?
You have just saved yourself total public humiliation.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Its a good thing I found those photoshopped pictures in time.
(I just wanted to give Diosmal a on that freedom fries one)
Isn't that just a modern Humpty Dumpty?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Sadaam Hussein sat on a wall. Just about then the bombs all did fall. His 'publican Guard and his mean Feyaden Could not put Sadaam back together again. Do you like my new poem?
It ryhmes but the beat is weak.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you feel about your new poem?
Celia would be so proud of you.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I ate a living human infant for lunch, and boy am I stuffed!
Spontaneously combusting lima beans.
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
Why did you spend the night in the ER?
You get used to the smell after awhile.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Is it a bad idea to feed Bob chili?
Just put it in an envelope and mail it to me.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What can I do with my last remaining gumball?
It's crunchy and kinda tastes like embalming fluid.
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
Hope you like the gumball, what does it taste like after going through the USPS?
She staggered across the floor and died.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What happened to the newbie after a few dozen hatrack regs nibbled at her?
I don't think anything much, if we could find her.
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
What will Cheshire Kitty do now that she's won the nobel peace prize for her invention of an invisibility machine?
Must have been something I ate.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Do you always suffer from delusions of grandeur?
You sank my battleship!
Posted by Gottmorder (Member # 5039) on :
Hey I wonder what this button does?
I don't like the sound of that ominous rumbling...
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Egads! Are you telling me we switched the human baby DNA with the T-Rex DNA in our cloning experiment?
Your mother was an egg layer.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Do you have anything better than that "You're father smells of Elderberries" insult?
It's so, um, Pythonesque.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is she a go-er? Know what I mean? <nudge nudge> <wink wink>
I need a taller fence.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hey Bob! Your lawns looking nice.
Joysticks for all.
Hobbes Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the sales slogan for Hobbes' new designer drug on a stick?
I do like that word. I don't know why, but I like it.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hufflepuff, Hufflepuff, Hufflepuff! What's a Hufflepuff????
I'm pretty sure there are no mimes here.
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
Is that man trapped in a box?
It doesn't smell that bad. Really.
EDIT - Dead_Horse beat me to it so I changed mine.
[ April 15, 2003, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: solo ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Dead_Horse? Where?
It comes in a can now.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did they really reach a new breakthrough in jello?
Living the high life means falling to hell. I'll just continue to sell tortillas.
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
Are you going to use your booblets to earn money on the street?
I suppose I would, but only if it comes with strawberry jelly.
Posted by Snorri (Member # 2195) on :
Do you like Kipling?
NO, those are cucumbers!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hey, look! Look! Don't these look like WMD????
Just agricultural materials.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What do I need to become Hedgemon?
Mousse, gel, hairspray, and butter. Lots of butter.
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
What happened to your dog?!?
NO, its simple, just put the peg through the hole and its done.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can't we just agree that it's way too complicated trying to build a model of the world economic system?
Supply and demand.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Can you explain that weird peg in the hole thing to me in words that I can understand?
I wash my hands of the whole thing!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Are you still donating to the sperm bank?
Give me the keys; I can drive.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
How often do you do this hand-washing thing? Could it be a slight case of OCD?
And then I did me a happy-dance tap-dance all over his yard.
Edit: Darn you, Icarus. Just because you're three hours ahead of me doesn't mean you have to be quicker than me.
[ April 16, 2003, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: littlemissattitude ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So you broke up with him and then punched his MOTHER?
I'm disturbed.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
(And to answer Icarus)
Yes, but on which side of the road?
My goodness, that was a tickly little earthquake.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why is the roof caved in?
It doesn't bother me that much any more.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
(And to answer Narnia)
And who isn't?
This is getting ridiculous.
Edit: Okay, I give. Not going to try to catch up anymore today. Maybe I'll just go back to bed and start over again.
[ April 16, 2003, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: littlemissattitude ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Have you noticed how we keep beating each other to the punch?
I think it's rather amusing.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Yeah, it is, actually. I know what it is, though. See I was a ten-month baby, a month old already when I was born. Took my time getting here and been trying to catch up ever since.
Was that giggling I heard over the board?
And now, I hope, I've caught up.
[ April 16, 2003, 12:19 PM: Message edited by: littlemissattitude ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Mr. Rabbit, excuse me, do you know the race has been over for hours?
He didn't stand a chance.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
He gave bunny rabbits to his kids for Easter and then ATE them?!?
The answer is so obvious, I just won't tell you.
[ April 16, 2003, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
What happens when you play Twister with a porcupine?
It's the difference between the truth and a myth.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What is magical realism?
Fantasy Authors for $500, Alex.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What are you hawking out of the trunk of you car NOW????
Ew...it does NOT taste like chicken!
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
Hey honey, I found this on the side of the road and fried it up for dinner. How does it taste?
But MOM it has lumps in it!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Cannibal Mother: Are you going to eat your T_Smith or not?
4. I used to have five until the polar bear incident.
Posted by Oakley (Member # 5063) on :
How MANY teeth?
I'm taking offense! See me take offense!
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
I thought I told you to go get the white picket fence?
You can't do that on TV.
[ April 16, 2003, 10:32 PM: Message edited by: Cheshire Kitty ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Mind if I mark my territory?
Don't worry, It's a Nature show.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Is it bad that the snake is repeatedly biting the host who's imitating Steve Irwin?
Not as such, it's better this way.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you miss half your brain?
Its Pinky and the Brain.
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
What do you call your naughty bits?
My that is a dirty question!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Which do you prefer, Miracle Grow potting soil, or the cheap generic brand?
Yes, and I had it for lunch yesterday.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Did the army ship home Saddam's box of 1978 Twinkies?
Style will take you far, but you'll fall in the face of the Grammar Nazi.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
So what do you think of this new beat poem I wrote?
It has a new lemony-fresh scent!
Edits for spelling, sheesh!
[ April 17, 2003, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Sopwith ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you describe your new sheesh?
Spelling is for wizards.
[ April 17, 2003, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Bilbo, why did you spell my name "F-R-O-G-O" in your book???
Well, it doesn't have to be that pink...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shall we get this party started?
We're all pink inside.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you say that got the bigot and homo-phobe mad enough to run you over with his truck 18 times?
Redundancy has saved me more than once.
Posted by Cheshire Kitty (Member # 5033) on :
Who has saved you more? Once or Redundancy?
Run, Forrest, run.
<edit to put in form of a question>
[ April 17, 2003, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: Cheshire Kitty ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Are you sure life isn't like a box of Ex-Lax?
The grass is blue and the sky is green.
Posted by Rhapsode (Member # 5062) on :
What does our president use as a mantra?
No, the fish was INSIDE the balloon! The whole time!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So you tricked teh kids into believing that you made the fish disappear when it was really in your pants?
Good heavens, it slipped to page two!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you put both of us on speed dial?
Enough of your phoney humor.
Posted by Rhapsode (Member # 5062) on :
Haha! The phoone is ringing!!! Phone!!
No, my dear, Im not surprised, Im sure that happens to lots of people!
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
What do you think of my new haircut? Do you like it?
She's got a "GI Joe/kung Fu" grip too!
Posted by Rhapsode (Member # 5062) on :
So, this model has a Jackie Chan wristwatch, a Jet Li designer purse, and a G.I. Jane hairbrush...anything else?
No dear, that man was tring to check the seamline on your undergarments.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Mom, do they always give kids a wedgie in the husky department of Sears?
Chain mesh underwear would prevent that.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Merlin, that darn Trogdor keeps kneeing me in my crotch.
Those are for oogling, not eating!!
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What did the stripper say to Hannibal?
Don't play with your food.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What did Hannibal say to the stripper?
Ha ha ha ha hahahahahahaha! Beans!! HAAAAA ha ha ha hee hee heeeee.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are you watching that is so funny?
Bean, Mr. Bean.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who is this agent Double Oh-Zero I keep hearing about?
License to grill.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
What separates man from the animals?
Spam. A whole lotta spam.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Besides a miracle, what's it going to take to get this truck out of that ditch?
Seriously though. His opinion of the war sucks, but he is an amazing filmmaker.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why should I bother seeing the latest Army recruiting film? Is it by that same guy?
It's not just lunch, it's a process!
Edit...arrrgh, beaten again. Edited to fit the intervening post!!!
[ April 21, 2003, 07:02 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by strawberrygirl (Member # 5030) on :
Aren't there more important things to do in life than eating food for an hour each day?
the cabbage did it!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who took out a contract to kill the creator of Beanie Babies?
Anyone who "gets" that is really old.
[ April 21, 2003, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Didn't you say you started getting Social Security last year?
I feel insecure about that.
Posted by strawberrygirl (Member # 5030) on :
How do you feel about the fact that robbers have just now taken over the vault at your bank?
I did it because it just felt right.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you start wearing chain mesh underwear again?
My mind is a maelstrom of small bits of premium chocolate.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why did it melt again?
I read it on the internet.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Where did you hear that Haley Joel Osment was going to play Ender?
I didn't mean to become a troll, it kinda just happened.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What does Cedrios say all the time?
Because!
Posted by * (Member # 4842) on :
Why don't you ever give me a straight answer?!
Crooked and green, but rather superb.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How would you descibe your "naughty bits"?
That, dear madame, is none of your affair.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What are you doing in my bed with your accountant and an adding machine?
Put the bird back!!
Posted by Gorgon_Head (Member # 4797) on :
Don't endangered Condor's taste great?
-I'll zap you.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
*Flips off Gorgon_Head*
What do you think this is, The No Spin Zone?
[ April 23, 2003, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: Doug J ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
So help me Bob.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you just going to keep posting here and messing up your life?
You are my hero.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What would you say if I told you that I figured out a way to get rid of your inlaws?
I can't express it with mere words!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
How great am i?
I just need a heat gun....
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You wrapped your in-laws in s#rink film???
I;ll s#are it wit# you if you;ll take t#e tail end. (stupid keyboard!)
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Where did you get that amazing horse costume?
He's just a little more challenged than the rest of us.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is Jon-boy's problem today?
That is not a problem. Its an opportunity.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I can't get this can of beans open, and I have no can opener and just this dynamite. What should I do?
Nimble and hungry.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the name of your law firm again?
Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who did you vote into Congress this past election?
What a crock!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
After i dropped my pants, know what she said?
Hit me again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did you lose your entire family fortune playing Blackjack?
We're going to need more pixie dust.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why did you order a dozen freeze-dried pixies?
It ate all the way through in about 10 seconds.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you have another spitting contest with the Alien again?
I see a posable man in your future.
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
How can i cheer myself up?
Yes, but did you notice he wasn't wearing any pants.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't Dan Rather just the best news anchor around?
And that's the way it was.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Time magazine ran an article calling the South Californian Hatrack Get-Together a "Rabid orgy of sex, violence, and poorly played air hockey."
You say that as if it were a bad thing.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
So, How much time do you devote to hatrack while at work?
Becuase the sun rises each day.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are there so many raisins in here?
They call the wind Mariah.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I hear in Florida they give bodilly functions names. What do they call passed gas?
Don't worry. Its nobody you know.
Posted by strawberrygirl (Member # 5030) on :
Did you hear about the body they found hacked into little pieces in the park 5 miles from here?
Because the nun told him to.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why did Lenny finally give up that bad habit?
All this copying and pasting individual letters is killing me!
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So how's that 20 page ransom note coming?
Oh, it's just about good enough to be bad.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How's celia doing as the new Rita?
I didn't think they knew how to shoot them.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The Mafia group is making a Porno?
Man I must have heard that wrong.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
You say that the Man in the Moon and Mom Nature are having a fling?
It's time for lunch.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Is that your herd, Mr. Wong?
If in doubt, call it trout.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What is this fish, in this dish?
Either speckled or striped.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So, what sort of Babelfish do you have?
The yellow kind.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What kind of snow isn't good?
Christmas in July.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What if God had visited Mary in November?
It's just biology
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
::points and laughs at the senile n00b::
Posted by Posable_Man (Member # 5105) on :
If I hold it up to the screen, will you lick this stamp for me?
I'm not sure a row of smileys is quite what the rules call for.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
How did the collge paper go?
It's all me Baby!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Come on, do your Sammy Davis impersonation. Can you do it without singing Candy Man?
The Candy Man can can-can.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What dance is that? You looks like you're dancing with a candy-cane up your...
We will now return you to our regularly scheduled program.
Posted by Posable_Man (Member # 5105) on :
How did you enjoy my $96,000 production of Annie?
I played Peg Leg, the pirate.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, I hear the director is putting a few twists in his production of Romeo and Juliet.
Hunt for the blue October.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the new Clancy novel about the renegade Israeli sub commander?
You could have a star too.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's in it for me?
Slightly to the left.
Posted by Rob 2K3 (Member # 5031) on :
How's it Hangin'?
I don't feel comfortable answering that.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
When did you stop beating your wife?
We are driving excitement. Pontiac.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's your favorite quote by a Native American golfer?
I broke my knee when the dog ran into me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so lame?
That was not very nice. Now apologize!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
If you have less posts than this thread, you're a noobie!
Make it a Go Large.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Welcome to McGames. Do you want a regular game of Go, or the new Super Size?
Super Size me you sweet thing.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You want me to do it, or do you want to do it yourself?
(edited for typo)
No, nobody knows who I am, not even me.
[ May 01, 2003, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can I reach you through the Witness Protection Program?
Something tells me small arms fire isn't going to cut it this time.
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
What do you think of this mustard?
The idiots are taking over.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm Here!
Why the floor?
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
If you put it on the ceiling it wouldn't stay.
Why me?
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Re: "If you put it on the ceiling it wouldn't stay"
Why's the basketball hoop so low?
Edit: Beaten! -- And follow the rules! Answer, then question.
I have both, but one isn't very sharp.
[ May 01, 2003, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: Nato ]
Posted by Posable_Man (Member # 5105) on :
Is it true you're of two minds on this issue?
Like a brick submarine.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How does the underwater ballet look to you?
I'd have to say I'm opposed to that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Should we give dogs thumbs?
I give it two thumbs up.
Posted by Posable_Man (Member # 5105) on :
Did your prostate exam hurt?
Pulled out a plum, he did!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If it wasn't Ms. Scarlet, who did Mr. Body pick out of the lineup?
Colonel Mustard in the shed with the downstairs maid.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who ratted me out to code enforcement?
Make a little birdhouse in your soul.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What must we do to create a safe haven for the rare Poseable-Bird when it flies into the Korean capital?
You went the long way to get there.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would you say if I told you I really respect you?
Heaps of scorn should do it.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
How should I display the affection I feel toward my mother-in-law?
I married my second wife, cousin Daisy, after my divorce was settled.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Start again, how did you wind up being your own grandpa?
How I relate to my relatives is none of your business, relatively speaking.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Were you talking to the animals in the primate house again?
Martha Stewart called it bad wallpaper.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your suggestion for how to get something out of my ImClone stock?
One more goat and we're done.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, how do you get to sleep now that you have discovered you are allergic to sheep?
Yes, it is a yak in my yard.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Um, I don't mean to intrude, but according to neighborhood regulations, you can't have yaks in your yard. Is that a yak in your yard?
Its what makes us think that somethings a good idea when its really not.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is "the little head?"
I'll take Strange Bedfellows for $200.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
You know what they say and for how much, so what do ya want?
Make the little voices in my head stop arguing.
Posted by naythin_brynt (Member # 5138) on :
I have a degree... really. how can i help you?
the peanut butter always seems to stick things up
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I'm afraid we're out of KY Jelly. Why don't you just use this instead?
Boozing and whoring in New Brunswick.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So, what's on the agenda for the next Hatrack outing?
Mmm... just drinking and lynching
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I wonder what coily is up to now that his thesis is finished...maybe relaxing on the Jersey Shore?
(Feyd beat me, but this is eerily fitting, so I'll leave it.)
Shaped like a giant rubber fist.
[ May 07, 2003, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: Frisco ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, Mr. God, sir, yes, this is "Lost & Found." What did your lightning thrower thing look like?
Insulated against all manner of attack.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Say, mister, isn't it a little warm wrapped up in all that plastic and duct tape and with that gas mask on?
I can't believe that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Believe it or not, I have prime realestate at the corner of Hatrack and Jatquero for sale for only $20,000 per E-Acre. This is the BEST deal in the itnernet. And its all for you!!! Isn't that amazing?
I am amazed you would stoop so low.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So what'd you think of my last question, huh? Is a little bit of shameless self promotion alright?
Stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks of parking tickets.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Hey officer, it's my birthday--can't you give me a break or something?
Give me a break.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What is the worst candy bar jingle in the enitire world?
you take that queen's castle, and you take that bishop. I'll be a knight.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did that line go? You know, in History of the World Part I. It was the line just before the King yells, "Everybody Jump the Queen!!"
Its good to be the king.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who is it?
It's not possessive. Its is.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Mr. Grammar Nazi, anything else you would like to add before we pull it's handle?
Just that I hope you cough on the smoke.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Mr. Byron, saying your homework caught on fire is inexcusable. What do you have to say for yourself?
Unleash the hounds.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Mr. Baskerville, our ball landed on your estate. Can we come get it?
Now we know why they call you Sherlock.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Hi, i'm Sherlock. Nice to meet you.
My love is like a buring Iraqi oil-well fire.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Want to read the first line of this love poem VP Chaney wrote?
He was writing to his investment group.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is that poem called An Ode to Influence Peddling?
Can't even play by the rules when asking a question.
[ May 08, 2003, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who is this doug J person and whats his problem?
Maybe I just like the breezy feeling.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
What other reason would you have the court believe to the charges of indecent exposure?
The sun did it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What makes the fodder stand so tall and proud?
The mudder ate its fodder.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you hear about the outbreak of foot and mouth disease at the summer camp?
It only took two days, but then I couldn;t decide what color to paint it.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
You grew a mustache?
Great, except for the wide open spaces.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So, Mr. Carnegie, what do you think of the new country you just bought?
All that a bag of potato chips.
Hobbes Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Will you be eating the buffet today?
Liechtenstein is a rather small country.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
ANOTHER welcome-to sign?!!!
uh, sixteen, I think.
Posted by Apathy (Member # 4810) on :
Are the Olson twins legal yet? How old are they?
Melonade. The breakfast of champions.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What do you get when you mix melons with dryer lint?
But I've got a lover-ly bunch of coconuts.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Your poor, ugly, slow, and talk funny. What would anyone ever see in you?
Using X-Ray vision, I was able to see a lot.
[ May 12, 2003, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Excuse me! Excuse me! Mr Rivera! Mr Rivera? Can you tell us what you could see in the Vault?
That's one mangey looking squirrel, I tell you.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you like the new fur hat I got at the vintage clothing store?
I;m sure Daniel Boone had one just like it.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Do you really think the girls at the Frontier Festival will go for this?
This is my favorite thread.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Why are you sewing with the hair of that strange hobo?
Three times.
[ May 12, 2003, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
You say you lost your virginity?
I saw it yesterday too.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
This sun? It seems to rise everyday?
I just got back from Nashville.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Why is there a price-tag hanging from your hat?
Twenty-five years ago, today!
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
When was it that humans lost their minds, again????
Only on alternate Tuesdays.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
You've thrown monkeys at the president?
Right. And then I said to the sandwich, 'Really? Orange Juice can do all that?'
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So it was after the 4 year old Orange Juice saved you from the attacking Chinese take-out food from 1987 that you decided to clean out your refrigerator?
Oh no, its mutated all over the place.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How many times do I have to tell you that it's a microwave, not the transporter from The Fly?
I sent him to the cornfield.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
My brother just called. Is he really lost in the midwest somewhere near St. Louis?
Somebody spilled the syrup and it just spiraled out of control.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So tell me again how in the world you got married to Mrs. Butterworth?
There were so many leeches...
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
How'd that trip to the clinic go?
I'm singing in the rain.
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
why are you rolling around in the mud and making those awful sounds?
chocolate or vanilla.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
What other flavors of Spam are there?
All in all, it was your fault.
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
Wait, how did you wind up in jail?
And when I woke up, I was gone!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you fell asleep at the Hatrack Gathering with your honor in tact. And then?
They don't like to talk about the "Day they killed the Grammar Nazi's".
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What did the dangling participles do with the Grammar Nazi's direct object?
For once in my life I have someone who needs me.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How're your sea monkeys doing?
Three...but sometimes two.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How many monkeys did you play with?
Don't touch my monkey.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Will you PLEASE just turn your head and cough?!
It flew 30 yards!
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
Where'd the medicine ball go?
I didn't kill Richard Simmons, even if I DID want to...
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What's that at the bottom of the cliff?
Oh, just an Aggie who thought he could fly.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Hey, that guy in the cape with a big ATM sign on his chest tried to jump onto the field the moment The MOB started making fun of Reveille. Who is he?
It would take a lot more time than I am willing to spend to explain that joke.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Hey, it was open already.
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
Who said you could put THAT in THERE?!
Once upon a time, yes.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Did you ever fancy a quintession?
Anachronism is now a sanctioned sport!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The Olympics are being held in Lancaster, PA?!
It wouldn't have been so bad had my stapler not jammed.
Posted by Tacitus (Member # 5025) on :
Was the extraction process painful?
He who has followed the history of an individual science will find in its evolution a clue to the comprehension of the oldest and most common processes of all knowledge and understanding.
[ May 15, 2003, 05:45 AM: Message edited by: Tacitus ]
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
What?
It was a long, difficult process, but worthwhile.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where you ever able to track down that ABBA biography you wanted?
Something wicca this way comes.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Witch way did they go?
That's because it's an alligator, not a crocodile.
Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :
Why is its snout so blunt?
I never told them.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did your other personalities feel about your decision to move?
I'm having a mental block party.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
What's that music coming from your ears?
That, and a tube of lube.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true we're all getting a tax break this year?
Please be gentle.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Is that a missle in your eye? Here, I'll get it out for you...
What is... a jar of almonds, Alex.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Yes, Burt Reynolds...for $500, answer this question: Are horsies pretty?
It just kept trying to gnaw off my hand.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You were accidentally handcuffed to a wolverine?
Well, I can;t explain how it happened, it just did.
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
I hear you've been having a little bit of trouble with your girlfriend?
I had three wives before I left grade school.
Oops, I got beaten
[ May 16, 2003, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: Koholos ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do people call you an egg head?
That's not all that's scrambled.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
The voices tell me they want plain omelets.
My shark bobble head says so.....
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
No, you didn't win the lottery! Whatever gave you that idea?
Maybe after dark.
Posted by Vampyr1818 (Member # 4592) on :
Mommy, can I go talk to strangers?
Nowhere, just north of the southern district of nowhere.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where does the Nowhere Man live?
Now that's what I call good eatin'!!!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Mr. Wolverine, how was it being handcuffed to a human?
I can;t decide between tartar sauce and shrimp cocktail sauce.
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
Which do you think would make the best facial cleanser?
Blue skies and rain.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So what did you feel like when you got the 4000th reply?
And the Spam Museum, too.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Is it true that you ate the giant Spam statue?
We shouldn't try it until it's legal.
[ May 17, 2003, 07:36 AM: Message edited by: Ophelia ]
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
Can we blow up the Vatican?
The chicken is in the deep fat friar.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Why did the monk run away at the first sign of a fight?
That's what the city is named for!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
You saw cherubs in The City of Angels!?
And that was the last time I ever saw him...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did your assistant die during the "Sawing a man in half trick"?
Now cut that out.
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
right, so, I've found the kidney, what did you want me to do with it?
Bridges.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So with these things we can get across a river without getting wet!? What do you call this new invention?
It's all because of my hairdo!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are people calling you "the Japanese Elvis?"
A hunk-uh hunk-uh burnin' love.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Ironically...
"What's the name of my Ultimate Frisbee team?"
"Hand and foot piercing were the only solutions."
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
(Aside: The person I was thinking of when I wrote that answer does have hair like that, and is Japanese. Talk about weird...)
The leeches didn't work, huh. Well then how did you get the evil spirits out?
It started when they took my picture.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you think you've lost your soul?
He's the King of Soul!
Posted by naythin_brynt (Member # 5138) on :
what do they call me in my dreams?
if the world didnt suck we'd all fall off.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, where's your proof that God invented the vacuum cleaner?
It was the mother of all pipe dreams.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you really want to be a union Plumber when you grew up?
Gravity sucks!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What did the apple say when it fell on Newton's head?
Under the sea.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Could you do your crab impersonation again for us? It's hilarious.
If our preventive measures worked, we wouldn't need enforcement.
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
Didin't you hear that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of donuts???
Yes, the cow did just jump over the moon
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that your aunt Sadie playing leap frog with the neighbor's cow?
Crack a smile.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Now that they've legalized all drugs, what is your new Cocaine Ad Slogan?
How the High and Mighty have fallen.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
When did you last see Rob High and Chris Mighty again? Near a cliff! And what happened to them?
Croak.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you have a frog in your throat?
No, thats my prom date.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, isn't that one of those inflatable...?
Breath of life indeed!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Care for a Tic Tac?
No, your other left hand!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have I got another losing hand?
Poke'r, that's what I'd do.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Picture this. You and Celia, marooned on a deserted island with nothing but a deck of cards. What would you do? What would you do?
Man the lifeboats, she's going down!!!!
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Where is this thread going?
I thought so.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't it hard to ask a question for which the answer would be "I thought so?"
I thought so too.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
I didn't think it was too hard. What do you think?
no, no, go away.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like another head, Ditch Digger?
He's got a nose like a garden trowel.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Why didn't he laugh at the Cyrano joke?
Sorry, dude.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Man, did you kill my duck again?!
Maybe in 20 years.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Should we re-enact Rendevous with Raia?
I'm wearing a wire.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
hey! (sorry, didn't mean to interrupt the thread... keep going)
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
It's looking like you're going to be needing a little more support around the bust area....
I place the blame squarely on tight pants...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why have you got such a swelled head?
We were making hydrogen. Really!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Bean dip, beans and franks, bean casserole with three bean salad. What are you guys doing?
That doesn't smell like hydrogen.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you like Classical Gas?
Only if you've got the proper connector.
[ May 23, 2003, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Hey, wanna hook up sometime?
Only if you do it first.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can I interest you in our Hari Kari special?
Woa, that is way to hairy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Now do you see why they call this place the Armpit of North America?
Anatomy was not my strongest subject.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
What was that, doctor, what did you say?
Hello, now get out.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Oh, and will you please leave the key this time?
I can unequivocally tell you that it is hot.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
OK, class, it's time for your science reports. Susie, what can you tell us about the sun?
A gigantic nucleur furnace.
Posted by TheKitchenZink (Member # 5187) on :
Where'd you go on your first date?
Playing hopscotch in the streets.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What do you need all those rabbits for?
Love your stuffed shells.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the worst possible line to use on The Little Mermaid?
Blowing bubbles.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Um.. I thought you were going to teach him how to swim? What, exactly, is it that he's doing now?
Lemons.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
wut are you sucking?
don't touch that!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is this what you needed the ten foot pole for?
I'm a little black rain cloud, of course!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what are you dressing up as for my Parade?
Seventy Six trombones.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
So what was the final damage when the players tried to take the field and the marching band refused to yeild?
as american as Mom and apple pie.
[ May 28, 2003, 12:15 AM: Message edited by: Head Ditch Digger ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
What do you think about Arnold Schwarzenegger?
T'was the pride of the peaches...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is Georgia on my mind?
She's my aunty Bellum.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's with you and the brainy chick Sarah?
The pun is in the last name.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Was that pun by Terry?
It's not much, but it's rent controlled.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Why do you live in a cardboard box, again?
No really, it's my first time.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Are you sure you've never been convicted of a felony before?
I can't explain it, but all of the sudden he broke out in song.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do you think he ran into a Poison Ivy-League Glee Club?
Don't mind the rash. It will go away eventually.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you've experienced a rash of home invasions here lately?
Not to mention the swelling.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Don't you hate it that learning new things makes your brain all sore?
Because the scanner told the monitor it was crazy.
Posted by Mike (Member # 55) on :
Why did the zip drive cross the road?
When it becomes necessary to dissolve the bonds.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
How do you know it's time to get Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, and Pierce Brosnan all together in the same room with a tub of lye?
It only looks that way.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is Zal's post the clear winner on this page?
I'm trying to grow a fence.
(Zal, that was hilarious! Dissolving Bonds!!! )
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Why does your boy keep attempting to sell me the garden gnomes from my own yard?
Because posable men shouldn't wear Armani.
[Thanks. You never know when I'll surface. I'm silent, but deadly. Like a Soviet sub or... well... never mind.].
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Why is Gumby always naked?
I'd say you were a narrow-minded, conservative right-winger, but for brevity's sake I'll just call you a block head.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Now why won't my melon fit on this exquisitely precise and adaptively malleable chopping block?
This garbage is rank! *phew*
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Honey, what happened to my jar of pickled pigs feet?
Cheap, shrunken heads.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is there such a long line to use the restroom?
I'm feeling a little flush.
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
What do you think you'll get this hand?
You could have fit in at least seven more.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Did you ever think I'd get that many clowns in one car?
Resistence is futile.
Posted by Koholos (Member # 4249) on :
What is the most annoying and over-used quote you've heard from a stupid movie based on a stupid TV show?
Correct for 500 dollars!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Special on Final Exam Answers. Do you want the cheap answers for $25 or the correct answers for $500?
I'll take Dead American Presidents for 400.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We have several packages for wedding receptions. What would you like to serve, and to how many people?
MMM..mmmm...Carve me off a slice of that!
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
What do you think of her?
I think it's a little small.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
You mean the glove didn't fit?
Bring me a lemonade while you're in there, please.
Edit: because I hit "add reply" when I was going for italics. My aim isn't so good today, I guess.
[ May 29, 2003, 12:09 PM: Message edited by: littlemissattitude ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would you say if I told you I have reached a state of perfect self-awareness?
Just a little less quiet desperation.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Same mood-enhanicing Drugs as yesterday sir?
No thanks, I'd rather walk.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Which would you like for your vacation travel, this excellent and very tame camel, or that ancient Sopwith over there?
It has six feet and eight inches.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
What kind of pet do you have?
And then my dad farted and it smelled and I said to my father you farted and it smelled.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What happened after you pulled his finger?
That was ridiculously obvious.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have I told you I love you?
I should've worn clown shoes.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Do you know how funny looking you are?
the evidence, as you can see, is everywhere.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Reality, Wow, what a concept. Can you prove it?
Amsterdam is in the Netherlands.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Why were the Mets disappointed by their trip to Belgium?
Because vanilla extract doesn't taste as good as it smells.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
why do you look so sick?
Becasue monkeys fling poo.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
Why the scene in Lovelock?
Yes, all 82 pages if you please.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Would you like to eat this magazine?
Don't Steal the goverment hates compatition.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
A life of crime may not pay, but neither does Burger King Assistant Manager. Why shouldn't I take up grand theft intellectual property?
I knew I needed a new spell checker.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Do you plan on spelling like that in the spelling bee?
I never ment to give you mushroms.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Why are the walls melting?
Hunter S. Thompson.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
This room is a mess! What kind of guests do you allow in your casino?!
There's a page missing from my diary!
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Is it the page the treasure map was on?
The sky is blue again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are all the birds so sad?
Kind of like a punk funeral dirge.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Yes, we repair appliances...could you describe the noise your washing machine is making?
It just won't turn over!
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Why in the world are you yelling at that leaf?
The loonies are loose again.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Did you try a spatula?
a frog in a blender.
(edit: darn you littlemissattitude you beat me my question kinda sucked though,)
[ May 31, 2003, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: The Wiggin ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wow, cool special effect. How'd you do it?
Tastes good too!
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Who would have figured you could eat a cat?
Beware: SARS.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I need a sign for my pool. Do you have something to warn people about my Senile Amphibian Raptor Squid?
Its just a hug. It hardly hurts.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
You mean you didn't know hugging is a requirement for belonging to Phi Theta Kappa?
Calling it an honor society is only a ruse to get together and hug.
Posted by Silas (Member # 5220) on :
Dan, no sign. Just keep some things handy. Chicken Soup, Sprite, and DayQuil
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What do you mean National Honor Society is a cult?
Crunchy frogs and lumberjacks.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who was aiding and abetting the Olympics bomber while he hid in the woods for 5 years?
I thought we banned plaid.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Dyslexia? I read the words "We Played in the Band." What did I say?
I would never say such things.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you happy that this thread appears to be slowing down?
I took out a want ad.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Having trouble finding a date?
I'm spending too much time on Hatrack.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
How did you get rid of that case of syphilis?
It never went away...
Edit: Damn, you beat me Godric...
[ June 05, 2003, 10:32 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where's the BtQ thread?
I am right here and I won't leave.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Col. Custer, don't you think there are a lot of Indians around?
twenty years ago today...I think I'm gonna cry.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
When did you first learn you were not a Smurf?
The launch was delayed.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
You still here?! Aren't you up there?!
Take it with a kilo of salt.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of Senator Clinton's comment about not running for President?
I am not a crook.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So you're a shepherd's staff, right?
Badump-bump
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Should we bump this to the front page?
Prostitution and Pornography are not options.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Isn't there anything fun to do around here?
Little green toilet plungers.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Have the little green men been leaving their belongings behind again?
You are just too tall.
Edit: To change a word. That just didn't sound right the way I worded it before.
[ June 10, 2003, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: littlemissattitude ]
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
How come I'm not allowed on this roller coaster?
They had too many cases of chili.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
First we had a natural gas shortage, now they are reporting a natural gas glut? How could that happen.
That humor stinks.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you heard the one about the week-old corpse and the toe cheese?
The main ingredient is love.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the recipe to keep this thread alive?
I am going to India Sunday.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you wearing a dot on your forehead and pigging out on all-beef hamburgers?
I thought Samosa was a South American dictator.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
*Girlscout* Would you like some Samosan cookies?
"Without the coconuts this time please"
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So, what do you think about the Professor making more implements to try and get us off this island? Any preferences this time?
Truthfully, I don't think that's possible...
[ June 15, 2003, 12:33 AM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Will you miss me while I'm gone?
Mother always did like you best.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So why are you running off to India when there's so much left to do around here?
Oh. Calcutta.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So where's the beef?
It's at the Con.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where can I find a complete "family-style" set of Vulcan ear and eyebrow protheses?
I thought this was the Klingon language tape.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Did you find the Saran Wrap?
It's a wrap.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that Jesus made his 2nd coming in Hollywood? What'd he say?
I was waiting until the last Harry Potter book came out.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Were you planning on washing your forehead?
It's genetic.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
So, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. That makes you a berry-loving hamster?
Let's not go to Camelot. It's a silly place.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Hey Lady of Shallot, we know Tennyson lied. How did you really feel?
Red nail polish and a long goodbye.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what did he give you to show you the relationship was over?
She was the dating equivalent of tofu.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
So why don't you bring Annie over for dinner anymore?
Definitely the phospholipid bilayer.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Can you say for sure if there's anything you could say that would make absolutely no sense to me whatsoever?
I know! And then I told him to get his socks off my furnace.
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
What, you mean he just thought he could walk right in and warm his feet on your fire??!
Refill.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What was the working title for "Groundhog Day"?
Wow...it's been, like, three pages!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What does a blond say when she's finished reading this thread?
I whistle a happy tune.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is the working title for Monica Lewinsky's autobiography?
I C U.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you think of my new invisibility formula?
I have to work in the morning.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Wanna clean my house?
It never even started...
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
So, how was your date?
If you ask me that one more time, I'm gonna go osama on you!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Can you hear me now?
Maybe if you wait a while, you will reach the end.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
Wow! How much longer are the batteries in this Hello Kitty! vibrator going to last?
*snickers*
Perhaps if you move a little to the left.
[ June 18, 2003, 03:32 AM: Message edited by: BelladonnaOrchid ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hmmm... how am I supossed to get left foot on green with your right arm in my face? Stupid twister....
Too long, too short, just fine.
[ June 18, 2003, 03:35 AM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Goldilocks pr0n?!
I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not.
[ June 18, 2003, 03:45 AM: Message edited by: Frisco ]
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Have you noticed that I seem to be going senile in my old age?
He was just tutoring me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the last thing you want to hear when you find your daughter's sex ed teacher in your house?
Puts a whole new spin on that song There's Got to Be a Morning After Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hey, can you believe we are back from girls camp and nobody died?
I did sit on a Ben-gay covered toilet seat, tHougH.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Been rolling in the Eucalyptus again?
I don't think eye drops alone are going to do the job.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
HELP!!! I've got a knife stuck in my eye!! Is there an optimologist in the house?
It started with the abortion thread, and it all spun out of control from there.
[ June 19, 2003, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So Ms. Betty Weaver, what exactly caused Hatrack to crash?
Its funny if you know what I'm talking about.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's with all the weird inside jokes about train juggling?
Cirque du Soleil, it's not!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Why do you keep staring at the sun?
Because it's ALIVE...
Posted by Tstorm (Member # 1871) on :
Why did you eat that burrito?
I'm going to bed.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Why the sudden exodus of bedbugs from the house?
That all depends on what you mean by "related."
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Is Quiche at all related to Cheesecake?
Well, if you think that's funny, I'd have to question your sense of humor.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Have you heard the one about the chicken who crossed the road?
Only on Sundays.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
On what day do Baptists get the most angry when we belly dance?
The red corset.
(edit:It's hard for two words to make a complete sentence)
[ June 20, 2003, 06:08 AM: Message edited by: BelladonnaOrchid ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you figure?
That doesn't count.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
How does spending all your time on your bike instead of with your mathemetician wife not make you a lousy husband?
It wasn't that lousy.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
KNow what your wife was telling me?
I thunk it, so i ain't.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Are we really going to let this thread die?
Nah, there's plenty of beating yet to be done.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
[ June 22, 2003, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: Annie ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
You were in Wisconsin, huh?
The strangest part was, I wasn't naked...
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
You really managed to show up to school on time?
Time is irrelevant. I just exist.
Posted by Argus Skyhawk (Member # 471) on :
So, what did you think of the Class' Yearbook photo?
Absolutely not. No. Never. No way. Okay, maybe just a little.
Edit: Meant to post this right after Ryuko's.
[ June 23, 2003, 02:51 AM: Message edited by: Argus Skyhawk ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it time for another chain mesh underwear reference?
Rust never sleeps.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Were you snoring?
I won't tell you who dies, so just stop asking.
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
I'm halfway through the Bible, what happens next?
No, but if I had known in advance I could have gotten an extra.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
Did you buy that pizza for me?
1 gig of RAM.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So how many sheep are you buying to start the farm?
I should be in bed...
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Mr. President, what should we be doing exactly about this Cuban Missile Crisis?
There's only one man for that job -- Rumsfeld!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Could you get rid of my neighbor? I don't like him.
There aren't enough Kleenex tissues in the world.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...what's it like having SARS?
I made up that fourth one.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Which one? You mean the one about George the Giant?
I saw him swallow that sword.
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
He's looking pretty sharp tonight isn't he?
Take me home.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What's the second line to "Take me out to the ballgame" again?
I don't know, but it better have something to do with beer.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
What are you doing tomorrow?
Posting at Hatrack...
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
So, now that you've won the World Series, what are you planning to do with your life?
I lost my ball.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Don't you think you'd better learn to take better care of your things?
Make a face.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
I've tried evey tribal dialect I know and they still aren't getting it?! what do you suggest?
now, that's what I'd call purple.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Prince? Where? You didn't step on him, did you?
Don't cause a scandal.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
"So last night, right b4 the prom, I was saying to my ma..."
So, charcoal is the way to go, eh?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best way to grill a fish who can't get it straight that you post a question, THEN a statement?
Here's the number of the Poison Control Center.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
I just ate your under cooked fish. Is that bad?
honest it was like that when I got here.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What is with all the ditches?
All you have to do is change your underwear.
[ June 29, 2003, 12:29 AM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
How can I prevent myself from being embarrased during my accident?
And then it just... stopped.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And what happened after you realized your life was like a roller-coaster?
I'm having an "up" day.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Is that a gun in your pocket, or. . .?
Just Oliver Stone and a couple of scat singers.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
I guess I wasn't listening well, what the heck did you just say?
Something about a banana.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
What did our little Simian Shakespear type this time?
All the leaves are turning brown.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Wait, how does that line from Sesame Street go?
Never in New Jersey.
(edit: crap, one post behind)
[ June 29, 2003, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Raia ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Should I start my own garbage hauling company?
It's raining cats & dogs.
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Why is there fur in my hair?
Yellow sticky-notes.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
(overheard at a 3M marketing meeting)
So Jones, what are we going to call these Yellow sticky-notes?
Get bent.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
So what does Beckham do in his spare time?
I'd recommend the suspenders.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I lost 100 pounds! What should I do now?!
I got swimmer's ear...
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
I dunno about this new therapy hypochondriasis-transference technique. I think it gave me dog-breath. what about you?
ruff-ruff!
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
I've got him perfectly trained, watch this: Sparky, how does sandpaper feel?
It's kind of obvious, Robert.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Why do you keep calling me Robert?
I like the full-length version better.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:Little kid saves world from alien species by playing video games
What do you think of my abridged version of Ender's Game?
The trailer gives away all the best parts.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How come the floats at a Cow-Parade never give out any decent food?
I lost my train of thought.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Are you the psychic who thought he could stop vehicles a in their tracks? I heard you got killed trying to stop a locomotive. What happened?
That's a true story.
[ June 30, 2003, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: Kayla ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you really get snatched by aliens who made a crop circle in your likeness?
I lost my choo-choo of thought.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Tell me, how the treatments for Siderodromophobia are going?
I wish I was as good as Kayla at quickly finding things on the web.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Kayla has eight legs and a spinneret?
happiness is not a life without pain...
[ June 30, 2003, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I'm 23 years old; do you really think I should go for the circumcision?
Somehow, it only seems to swell when I'm around you.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
1. When did those become two separate entities? 2. When did my eyes learn to talk? 3. How can you ask a question first in a begging-the-question thread?
I wonder if Kayla would like to get together sometime soon.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Hey, Caleb, you doing anything Saturday?
I'm such an idiot. Question first, then answer. Got it.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Do you know WHY you got a 12 on your SAT's?
I haven't made any plans yet, if you know what I mean.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Hey, Caleb, when you makes dates, do you use tell people you'll "pencil them in"?
Saturday, then. Definately Saturday.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
When are you going to stop procrastinating?
All I have to do is marry into the family and then...I'm in!
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How are YOU going to be a marionette???
I'll pencil you in.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you the old Portrait of Dorian Grey for me, but cheaper?
Seems like the details are rather sketchy.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How would you like an all-expense paid three week vacation to Iran?
Evil, but interesting at the same time.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
How would you describe celia?
Nah, more like beast who's lost her fangs.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Whose neck did she leave them in?
It is way, way too late to think.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Will you marry me?
I only used it about three times, and two of those times it only lasted a few seconds before it died.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Ever considered using that God-given talent of yours?
That's what she said.
(edit: jeesh! one little slipup and out comes the whip)
[ July 01, 2003, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Does NOBODY understand how this is supposed to be done -- you write the question ANSWERED in the previous post?
You're all killing me.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So what do you think of our singing?
Well, it isn't a high budget production.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Why can't any of us play this game properly and stop annoying Bob?
I picked the dandelions.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come your brother inherited the entire family estate?
Flower power.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Why is this bread so good?
Oh, I think something crawled into the machine just before I started it.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Hey, what's the "K. A. M. A." logo doing on your computer screen?
I need some 25 watt light bulbs.
[ July 01, 2003, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Kayla ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Would you like some of Dr. Watt's famous dietary tulips?
I live for the Pun. I die for the Pun.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What's the motto for the Biblioteca 5?
Alright, that's the last bad one for the day.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Could you at least open a window?
It's hanging again.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What makes you think your cat can jump as high as the clothes-line?
You know...those little magnetic letters you stick on your fridge.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
DH where did you learn your ABCs?
One more day and the wife comes back.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What happened on the latest episode of The Cosby Show ?
A giraffe. Definitely a giraffe.
[ July 05, 2003, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: Raia ]
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
What did you say Morbo looked like?
It wasn't me, it was the guy in the next cell.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Did you tear my Rita Hayworth poster?
They called it "chicken scratch" hill.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Did you say "chicken-sh##"?
The ceiling did it.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What was it that made my room look like a prison cell?
In a green bottle.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Honey, where did you put the genie?
the crawlspace
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Young man, Where Have You Put Your Babysitter?
I charge $217 an hour for that.
[ July 05, 2003, 11:32 PM: Message edited by: Diosmel Duda ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
to neighbor, "Hi! Hey, I'm gonna be gone for the next week. Would you mind taking in my mail while I'm gone?"
I spent a small fortune in postage last week.
[ July 05, 2003, 11:45 PM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Daddy, how come there's no milk or bread?
I need an ergonomic chair
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Is sitting on that cactus really comfortable?
Only for the first half hour.
[ July 05, 2003, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: Feyd Baron ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Teacher: Did you enjoy summer camp kids? (feyd)
I need a decorator
[ July 05, 2003, 11:52 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
How are those improvements to the garage coming along?
I haven't seen the Sun in days, but my skin is peeling.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So you're using Lava soap now?
Yeah, that and rocks for a washcloth.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
My god,you forgot the TP on your camping trip, did you use leaves or what?
a fussy old maid
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What;s all that noise coming from your bag of popcorn?
Picking flowers and blowing bubbles.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I hear the abstinence program is a big success. What did the kids say they are doing instead?
I think he knitted you a sweater and pulled it over your eyes.
[ July 06, 2003, 08:15 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
But are you sure my husband's cheating on me?
this monitor sucks
(dead horse, bag of popcorn LOL,LOL funniest on the thread)
[ July 06, 2003, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
So your pet lizard can drink from a straw?
It itches, ok!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Jeeez, why'd you scratch your ear off?
this kudzu's(weeds) about taken over
[ July 07, 2003, 12:03 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
::bump::
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Why did you napalm your yard?
I can't believe that I have 3 1/2 days till the weekend.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did God say on Tuesday afternoon of that first week?
Man that was hard work.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did Dan say that let his honey know that he was not the kind of guy who would take out the garbage without being asked?
If I had a hammer...
Posted by HatrackChess (Member # 5379) on :
What did Bob say to his mistress when she asked how he was going to get rid of his wife?
If only I had a spoon and not a thousand knives.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Man, it's great being a professional knife thrower for the circus but how in the world am I going to eat this cup of yogurt?
I want to be a high flier in the Big Top!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So I've built this 5 story auto spinning top. Once it gets up to fool speed, anyone sitting on the top of the top will go flying. Want a seat?
I thought Hatrack was Bob's mistress.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Bob is a regular poster on the Fox News Forum?
If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's so great about a sarcastic muppet?
Watching the fake fur fly.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What was your favorite part of the PETA vs. NRA debate, Bob?
Watching rednecks get kneed.
[ July 09, 2003, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What Morbo like in Pro-Wrestling?
Don't hit me with that chair.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Would you prefer the crop or the Bark-o-lounger?
Let me think it over.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
You are at least going to TRY and save my life, aren't you?
It tastes a little like plastic, to be honest.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
More of Granny's casserole surprise?
No thank's, I want to live till Christmas.
[ July 09, 2003, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So you're not going to call Myr a proselyte?
Not while she has a tail.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So, going out with Susie still?
Not on your life.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I can reach the tall window and escape if I stand on a stack of board games. Are there any you think I shouldn't risk breaking?
Don't break the monopoly.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
I've been thinking about writing intelligent fiction, like OSC... what do you think?
I think it was way too salty.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Dracula, honey, why'd you stop drinking my blood?
I've already had enough booze for one night, thank you.
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
Wana trade lunches?
Only if you stop breaking my roof.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Ho,ho,ho! Won't you tell me if you've been naughty or nice?
I guess naughty, I once told my sis she had fat ankles. Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Pop quiz: Are you naughty or nice?
But I'm sooooo hungry.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Why do you want to eat me?
cannibalism is only a last resort.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Are you eyeing my leg?
Only in a platonic way.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Do you want to have sex with me?
Get OFF me.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Are you here for the sumo match?
Lady, I just need a cab.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So, would you like to buy the whole truck?
I did this only because I'm attached.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Son, you in a heap of trouble--why'd you escape with that heathen we handcuffed you to?
Sherrif, just look at her.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Boy, why'd you take Ralphie out to go a skinny dippin in the town fountain?
You're in a heap of trouble now.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Dad, can't you forgive me for bustin' the chainsaw, runnin' over the dog, and sinkin' the bass boat?
Kid, you better start runnin' !
[ July 12, 2003, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Father, I'm not going to carry on the family worm farm. I'm going to New York to become a Broadway star. What do you think about that?
Stella! Stella!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Stanley Kowalski, I'm in the same room, will you stop shreiking my name already?
Sorry, lambchop.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Don't you think the finale is the most imporant part of the song?
Dude, that was way too obscure.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
I didn't notice, did you really make an onanism post?
I would never do such a... well, maybe.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Timmy, did you bury all of your sisters dolls and then "exhume them for autopsy"? No more X-files for you, young man!
Aw, maw, we were just playin'--sis even identified the bodies.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So this is where all you gerbils went?
There, and under the sofa.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Oh, My, God, Gil, you are such a cheap date, look in your jackets and where for change for the pizza boy?
In my good pants.
[ July 14, 2003, 12:29 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Where did your dog go?
I think I prefer the purple one.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Which cheesemonkey do you like?
The swiss one.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Well, you're the victim, which knife should I use first on you?
Occam's razor.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
I got the Ginsu, which one did you get?
Tomatoes
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What is that they're throwing?
Toasted newbie.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
MMMmmmm, what is this , it tastes like chicken but better?
Sea slug.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Folks call me "killer", what's your nickname?
buggaboo
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Jimmy, for Christ's sake, would ya take off the Casper costume already, its's Thanksgiving?
But Becky likes it.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Listen sweetie, I know you're really fond of your nutcracker man but I really don't think any of the family like walnuts in their stuffing?
Pinenut
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What's your pony's name, young missy?
Souldevourer.
[ July 17, 2003, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
ooo.... spooky menu. I was thinking of having the Sycophant Slushie, what are you going to have?
my ankle is turning green.
[ July 14, 2003, 03:24 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I'm breaking out in purple spots; you notice any weird symptoms?
Chicken soup.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I'm croaking over here and what's the best you can do?
How about a "Beach Boys" medley.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Well, considering our demographic, I think we ought to come up with something better than bran-X-blowout?
reptilian gaze.
[ July 14, 2003, 05:03 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Filet, what would Ralphie give me if I gave her a wild lewd proposition?
You would get a slap in the face.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
If I asked you for help moving, how would you respond?
Get off my property.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Every time I stop to smell the roses, do you know what someone tells me?
A silk kimono.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What do you want to be buried in?
Well, I always though a coffin would be nice.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Honey, the man wants to know, coffin or urn?
Martha, you've finally taken this centerpiece crap too far!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What if I just squat down here in the middle of the table while you eat dinner?
Just a little sprinkle of parmesan cheese and some arugula, tied with a nice raffia bow.
[ July 15, 2003, 06:14 AM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I dropped the spagetti, what am I going to do?
The five second rule is a fact of life.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How good of a lover are you?
That is not very nice. I love it.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Josie and the Pussycats set a new low for made-from-cartoon films--how'd you like it?
It stank on ice.
[ July 15, 2003, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
How was the Alaskan nude beach?
I've got to give them one thing. They sure are ballsy.
Posted by Zoia (Member # 5417) on :
What do you think of them olympic shuffleboarders?
Because there was just too much of it wasted.
[ July 15, 2003, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: Zoia ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do you think the class of 03 is destined to mediocrity?
They never read a Card book.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How could they not know how to play poker?
I've seen a housefly. I've seen a dragonfly, too.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Besides pigs, what else have you seen fly?
Work, work, work, that's all I do, all day long. I hate it.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why are you so chipper all the time?
Yes, we've definitely been slacking off.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
I leave Hatrack for less than a week, and already half the threads have disappeared?!
That is without a doubt the worst plan that anyone has ever come up with.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
We could hold bake sales to buy out Nike...wouldn't you be able to afford those new shoes then?
I know, I forgot to give you an answer.
[ July 16, 2003, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by Zoia (Member # 5417) on :
So have you decided to join our biker gang or what?
It was just too good of a sale to pass up.
Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :
Did you have to get seven pairs of chainmail underwear?
But they make me feel girly.
[ July 16, 2003, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: the Professor ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What's with the bright red, 9 inch nails?
I can't imagine that he would.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Is your husband really going to burn rubber in front of the crossing guards again?
Boys will be boys.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Your sons strapped bottle Rockets to a chicken?
I see your mouth moving but it's like "blah blah blah."
Posted by HatrackChess (Member # 5379) on :
Bush:Did you like my speech?
So, how did your wife get stuck in the toilet while eating a cupcke?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My wife put a contract out on my life just because I sent her picture into a magazine. Did you see it?
No, that's not a good place to put the camera.
Posted by HatrackChess (Member # 5379) on :
Do you think it would be okay if we put a camera in Bush's shower?
I can't wait till the world is destroyed by republicans.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So why did you vote for Bush again?
Because I didn't see any other boxes to check.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Why did your contingency vote unanimously to return the colonies to England?
I don't want to...well, okay, you've convinced me.
[ July 18, 2003, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to go on a mission to colonize Mars? It's guys only.
Now there's a recipe for disaster!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You've organized your recipe box? What's this one? It was between your recipe for Dinner Dogs and your recipe for Dysentary.
That's made with thirteen pounds of undercooked pork.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
To show Bob no hard feelings for the "sarcasticmuppet's really a guy" joke, I made him a kalua pig. What do you think?
It builds up the immune system.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
You hate sex but you do it why?
999 channels and nothin's ever on.
[edit: cool and freaky! I got 999 in my 999th post and I honestly didn't plan it! I just paraphrased an old song from The Boss (Springsteen to the uninitiated.) Just a coincidence. ]
[ July 19, 2003, 07:54 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So how do you like Cable TV now that RIAA's taken it over?
It's kind of like sticking your hand in a blender.
Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :
So how hard was that hiring decision about that creepy nerd?
On advice of counsel, I plead the fifth.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
You want me, don't you?
So, who's it going to be?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you like this clone embryo?
To make an omelette, you have to break a few eggs.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Mrs. Rumsfeld: What's that you keep muttering, Rummie dear?
I said, we've almost won the War on Terror.
[ July 19, 2003, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
"Mr. President, could you comment on the state of affairs regarding the economy and joblessness?"
He said well-done and that's how I cooked it!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why did you serve Teddy a cremated steak?
I'm still miffed at Teddy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why won't you vote Kennedy for president?
Hey, cute teddy.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you like my new stuffed bear?
No, I don't wear it under my clothes!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Is that chainmail for what I think it's for?
Wow, that's cold!
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Whatever that was, can you please do it again?
It was 107 degrees today.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
I heard you used time travel to go back to college a bunch! How many times did you graduate?
Well, because I decided to move to Strong Badia.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why did the feds give you a negative on your security clearance?
I wrote to a Chinese embassy in grade school.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
How come only Nixon could go to China?
I ordered take-out.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why are there shredded Chinese menus everywhere?
Don't ask.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
What did Kennedy mean by that "ask not" speech?
I haven't heard Jack.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why are you throwing away that toy box?
It pops up when the music stops.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
So what does this "musical chairs turkey timer" involve?
(good thing someone pure of heart posted after that one )
Head west, sonny.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
What did the Montana rancher say to the Mormon Pioneers?
Crap, did it again.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Billy, what'd the old man say?
take a gander at this potato.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Ma, how can you keep seeing the Virgin Mary in every potato in a 50lb sack?
I just knew I'd raised a cursed heathen.
Posted by RavenXsa (Member # 1212) on :
Why the huge smile?
Fourty-two.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How many years ago did you discover that growth?
I never noticed.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Is Pat really gone?
Say it isn't so!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is Morbo really Pat in disguise?
You're a waste of bandwidth.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I've digitized myself and downloaded myself into the Hatrack archives. I will live forever HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA. What do you have to say to that smart guy?
I play volleyball over an inter-net.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why does your modem look like it has been thwacked around?
Well, I think that it means that cows are going to take over the world.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Well I think it might just be a joke, what do you think?
This baked potato bar is exquisite.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Did you hear about how they are making pubs out of different types of edible roots?
No! I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever do it. OK, fine.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Hold this for me?
I think you might be in my seat.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why are you looking at me like that?
I didn't do it on purpose.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Why on god's green earth did you do that?!
lime and avacado.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Yum, what's in this beauty mask?
Wouldn't you like to know.
[ July 25, 2003, 04:58 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are we here?
Because there was a mean chicken on the other side of the road.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Why is the rooster playing around with WMDs?
This whole situation might be best described as a cock fight.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Are those bullies battling for supremacy on the playground again?
I say let 'em keep fighting.
[ July 25, 2003, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Do you think those chinese resturant flyers will ever stop coming to your door?
You make me laugh.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
And why is it that you'll never love me as more than a friend?
Upstairs, second door on the left.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Hitmen: So, where is this ..Ditch digger we're after?
Cowering in the basement.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Where's Feng?
I left him with the Professor.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Gilligan, where's Mr. Howell?
All I know is he ain't on the rescue boat; you go look for him, Skipper.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Now where did that scoundrel Jack Sparrow get to?
She's my kid sister.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's with the little lamb, Mary?
Kids are actually goats.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why on earth do your children eat their spagettios can and all?
Maybe they need more iron in their diet.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
The field's at a full Tesla, and they still aren't responding?!
It's from Nick. It says RSVP.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's this I hear about your friend writing you a postcard saying he's decided to spend the rest of his life taking care of old ladies?
Try a solution of salt, vinegar, and food coloring.
Posted by Euterpe~ (Member # 2235) on :
My kid just drank a cup of bleach. We're out of ipecac. Do you know anything else we could use?
It kind of scared me when I saw his tongue.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How was your date with Gene Simmons?
A kiss is but a kiss.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hey, I found this little chocolate thingy wrapped in foil with a little paper tag sticking out. Do you suppose it's a clue?
Get out your hat, pipe, and magnifying glass.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Sherlock Holmes RPG? How do you play that?
Someone just left this violin lying here.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Why are you eating that stringed instrument?
Nothing better to do...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why do you keep refreshing that page, if nothing new is coming up?
Lovely weather we're having.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
So, babe, you wanna make out in the back of my pick up truck?
Zero to sixty in three point eight.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
How long did it take you to revive the corpse?
It's a funeral home not a laboratory, lads.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
All right... Now what do you think will happen when we charge the corpse with electricity!!??
New life. ^-^
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
What's our motto for this campaign?
I was in troop 42.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
You weren't in F-Troop?
"The end of the Civil War was near."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why on earth did you buy up all the carpet bags in the NorthEastern US?
I'm a ramblin' man.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
But Rex,you said you going for a pack of smokes 4 years ago, what's your excuse?
It won't happen again, dearest.
[ July 28, 2003, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Will you ever put my clothes on wire hangers or do I have to beat you some more?
I love my Mommie.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Does the condemned have any last words?
One finger at a time.
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
The Mafia's tossed out that whole kneecap thing - what was the new motto?
Good lord! It's brown!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did the inventor of Pumpernickle bread say when he spied his first completed loaf?
Crust almighty!
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
What's that new line of Post Cereals you've been working on, Bob?
At first it looked like four, but now I'm thinking we're looking at about fourteen or fifteen.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
How many rabbits do we got down that hole?
Curse those little, horny devils!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Mr Chick, what do we do about all those ravers?
Give 'em these comic books and they're sure to see the light
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Got any light reading we can burn?
Farenheit 451, for starters.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Faren brought in a bunch of recruits to be measured and given serial numbers for the new Hatrack Army. Who, where, and with what number should we start with?
Join the Hatrack Army, see the World--wide web.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
I'm young, fit and I like Orson Scott Card, what should I do with my life?
Stop reading pulp fiction, it won't do you any good.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Don't you love those stories about the good old days of orange juice where they didn't strain all the good stuff out?
Stop talking to the mirror!
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Who's the fairest of them all?
If I answer that, I'll only get myself into a lot of trouble.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
*ring* *ring* *ring*?
It's supposed to bind something.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What's this Bind-O-Matic supposed to do?
As seen on TV!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is America really becoming a fascist state?
It's time for my daily dose of the History Channel.
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
Is there anything I can do to counteract this overwhelming sense of reality?
Fifteen elephants and a hotdog.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Let's see what's behind door number three...
You call that a prize!?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
For putting the question where the statement goes and the statement where the question goes, do you really want the prize of Slash's old Chain Mesh underware?
Its chainey and scaley.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you think of the Vice President's piano playing?
Don't beat around the bush.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
How can I keep my blueberries from being bruised and battered?
He just called me Bertha!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's this about you being the opposite of Mini Driver?
It's a golf joke.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
BOB! How could you say such lewd things about a priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist minister "Laying her on the green" and "Putting it in the hole" ? (I especially was upset about the rabbi grasping his wood while the priest washed his balls.)
You are right, golf is like sex.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that golf is the only STD you get by staying away from your spouse?
I have nothing to add.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What was the mathematician's response to the metaphysics query?
I don't know about you, but I have to see it to believe it.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Did you hear about the guy who was not crazy?
He didn't take any pills.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
How did Gerald die?!?! He was doing so well!! I guess his pills just stopped working...
Not again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you retie my shoes for me?
Knots landing.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was the name of the sequel to that film where Deputy Fife was a spaceman?
Look Pa, I shot a bird.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What really happened to the space shuttle?
Probably rabies.
Posted by Taygeta (Member # 5337) on :
Why are you foaming at the mouth?
Spam. Lots and lots of spam.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
The invite said BYOS, S=spritzers? Bring You Own Spritzers? What is THIS?
I've got this funny bottle.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
I've got a headache, you have anything for it?
Only this pole with Hatrack Problem Solver painted on it.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Spears are good, flags raise morale, but what is that thing you've got with the inscription on it?
That's my whistle.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Coach, all leaders have symbols of authority, what's yours?
My foot in your backside.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you explain that special feeling we get whenever we work out together?
I may already be a winner!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Granny, calm down, what's got you all het up?
A blind date who can still drive.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What were you saying about the fruit that got its eyes pierced out? It plays golf really well, you say?
Yes. A pro golfer.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you one of those elitists in favor of that silly game that Mark Twain called "a good walk spoiled?"
Well that spoiled my good walk.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Umm, what did you just step in?
I didn't mean to break the speed limit, I swear!
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Young man, I don't know what it's like in the reality you come from but around here we obey the laws of physics, when you see a sign with a "c" on it that's what it means, Do you realize how fast you were going?
that was too long for a joke.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
D'ya hear the one about the Priest, the Rabbi and the Minister on the Great Wall of China?
As seen from space.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you just say that you have a zit that looks like Mt. Everest?!
I would leave it at that if I were you.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Do you want to hear my new book? It starts like this: "That many, many cheeses may live, beware of the giant noodles."
I'm a gangster.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What gives you the right to wear that awful striped suit?!
It's been much much worse.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
So, how's that rash coming along?
Pants. Definitely pants.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you think my gorilla looks better in pants or a kilt?
Like a big shaved ape.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How does Tarzan describe him self in the Jungle Personal collumn?
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did I get into this tree-hut and why am I wearing this two-piece leopard skin frock?
The drums are intoxicating.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Hey, didn't you say this Cherokee meeting was gonna be a drunken bash?
Alohamora! Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What are we going to do now that we're stuck in the trunk of your car?
He's a little too uptight for me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you think of Harry Potter XII Curse of the Wage Slave?
Pass the chips.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
...which is why I'm devastated and I think we should break up. Are you listening to me?
It was a rip-roaring good time.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you hear the one about the lion-tamer who split his pants?
Well, I think we can just stitch that right up!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Can't you see that this is just tearing me apart?!
Something evil this way comes.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Master Yoda, can you see celia out there?
I have the FORCE!
[ August 05, 2003, 12:25 AM: Message edited by: Mr.Funny ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ready for Mass?
It's a Physics joke.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you developed the world's lamest attempt at humor. What can you tell us about it?
There was this gay bishop and two nuns....
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Hey, Dan... What's the world's dirtiest joke?
Bump, set, spike!
Posted by Potemkyn (Member # 5465) on :
Can you say something that doesn't have to do with volleyball?
You hard-blowing, banana-twisting, Osama-loving, anti-soda SOB!
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
How about we genetically modify humans to have greater lung capacity, the ability to bend fruits with our minds, love people of all nationalities and beliefs, and stay away from unhealthy carbonated drinks?
Genes are fun to tinker with!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
KISS has their own personal surgeon?
Let me ask my cult leader first.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Long time no see Frisco. Can you tell us where you've been?
Don't drink the cool-ade.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*slurps* What did you say?
I see a bright light.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Do you have to sit so close to the television?
Says here that this subdivision used to be a sacred Indian burial ground.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's this big hump in the middle of your yard?
I want a viking funeral.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
dude, do you really think a bonfire is a good idea, considering your condition?
yup, that's my ship.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Is that your ship thats on fire?
Ya, but you see my wife isn't home so I don't think I can sign up today.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Well sir? Would you like to be part of our test audience for the new daytime drama, As the Ball and Chain Breaks?
Hey! That's not a ring on your finger!
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
Me n Clem are finally gettin hitched! Isn't my ring just beautiful?
No! When you feed a woman through a wood chipper you've got to do it the classy way.
[ August 06, 2003, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: Book ]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
So you like to just chuck the ladies into that wood-cutting machine of yours?
Hah. In your dreams.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, can I be Mr. Funny too?
I was pleasantly surprised.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
How did you feel when you found they sold chain mail underwear at the department store?
Cold and itchy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
And what is the name of your Gynocologists?
Poke and Prod.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Ekop and Dorp, my friends! What are your super-secret superhero names?
I can fly!
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Now just wait a minute for the glue to drrrryy? wait... NO!!!!!
I think the horseshoe looks nice next to that picture.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you see how the prosecuter is holding up the evidence against Mr. Ed.
He shot Wilbur. I know he did.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did Orville get to be the first one to fly?
Nevermind, it's just cat hair.
Posted by TwosonPaula (Member # 5511) on :
Honey, why is the baby wearing a wig?
A box of matches.
[ August 09, 2003, 12:23 AM: Message edited by: TwosonPaula ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Where do you live again?
And it's not the first time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true we won the war in Iraq?
Feels just as good the second time.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
How'd that "rebirthing" therapy go?
My water just broke.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Honey, do you hear that drip, drip, drip?
Well, there's no reason to cry about it.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Isn't it sad, though?
This invitation list is so short.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Who's coming to my root canal?!"
whomever wishes to cross that particular river of sewage.
[ August 11, 2003, 02:54 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So, who wants to go get my golden golf ball?
I cringe even at the thought.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
What do you mean you lost the SAT tests and I have to take it again?
Summer is almost over.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
LMA,
you got a perfect score. find the friggin' golden golf ball or the waitress!
flish
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
*Pauses in rapture*
[ August 11, 2003, 04:46 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
(In response to Lma's answer)
What's with the fur-lined snowsuit and long johns?
I couldn't wait another minute!
[ August 11, 2003, 04:47 AM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
Narnia!
Finally, somebody's talking sense.
snowsuits.
flish
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The next waltz is just begining. Can't you hold on until its over?
He's not waltzing, that's the pee-pee dance.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why is he waltzing to a song in common time?
You think you can waltz right in here and ask me--
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Care to dance?
I turned the house into a mosh pit.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*GASP* What happened here?
Well, I don't much like applesauce.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Who's in for applesauce and jelly wrestling?
It's jelly, not jello.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How could I be pregnant when I used a diaphragm?
Take a deep breath and hold it for 60 seconds.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
How do I get rid of you?
I'll cry myself to sleep every night.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So what'll you do now that Alf is cancelled?
Dance naked by the firelight...
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What are you going to do after civilization collapses?
I'm finally going to get some payback on that high school bully.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where are you going with that catapult?
I thought I'd use it for bait.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why did you make so much jello?
Oooh, jiggly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you describe Ralphie in one word?
I'm going to run away now.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, did you hear I'm available?
I'm pretty sure that's mine.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Hey, can you believe I found this pair of chain mesh underwear while cleaning out from under the stadium bleachers?
That's a crying shame.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Could you believe I just lost my chain mail underwear?
No... (looks about guiltily)
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is this your thong?
It's called chain letter underwear.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
How'd I get all these paper cuts?
I'm getting lots of work done.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's been happening since you shot your boss?
That is one way to improve efficiency.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can I let the cats do the dusting, and the dogs do the vacuuming and mopping?
You'd think you wouldn't have to pay them, but you do.
Posted by Jon Boy da Boy (Member # 5547) on :
Why are you giving money to dust bunnies?
How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not like that!
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
where have I heard that before?
The train's just rolled in.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Mind if I change the station?
Talk about being "off track!"
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
Did you know the Supreme Court repealed a law in Texas?
Alexander the Great truly is.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Who's your favorite autocrat?
Dubya.
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
Bush or Clinton?
The Communist Manifesto
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you name the most obvious letter in the world?
Cheerios!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Honey, what's so important you had to wake Mommy up at 4am?
Kids!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Can you please explain why the Sistine Chapel ceiling has been crayoned onto my living room wall?
It can't last.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't it great when Hatrack gets so quiet?
I love the smell of thread death in the morning.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why do you get up before dawn lately?
To see Perseids. Duh.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why the 3D glasses?
Oh, so it's not cats, but bunnies that do it!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why didn't you tell me that you wanted MORE pets instead of shoving those two cats in a cage together?
You should be ashamed of yourself!
Posted by Celtic Flame (Member # 5556) on :
Gay priests are a-okay, don't you think?
Nobody said that would happen...
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Are you aware that because you corrupted the files on my computer, you have probably doomed the world to an eternity of tyranical(sp?) rule under Microsoft?
Quit trying to make me feel guilty.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So you admit to being a Baptist?
All right, you got me.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Your honor, may we present to the jury this pair of chain mesh underwear found under the defendent's BED??
You sure didn't try very hard.
Posted by Sauron (Member # 5330) on :
Lord Morgoth, where did it all go wrong?
It was those meddling hobbits.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So it wasn't Scooby Doo and the gang this time?
The threat is imminent.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you say that M&Ms were dangerous?
Eminem is Mini-Me spelled backwards, almost.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why else do you think midgets would make good rappers?
Early bone man.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Which hominid species, known for premature ejaculation, died out after the shortest timespan on Earth?
Java man.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What was the name of that superhero that cruises around cyber space on... apples, was it?
Fruitcake. It is all FRUITCAKE!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
What is this brick holding your door open?
Miter saw.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
That there is a crazy haircut. How in the heck...?
I know, I couldn't understand it either!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
What was up with that miter saw thing?
H.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What lett comes after "G" in the alphabet?
I'm not talking about English.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
OH! The British superspy, that... Ah.. Jonny something, right?
It's rather Mnemonic, don't you think?
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Aren't there some things that are better left forgotten?
Like a bogus journey.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
My honeymoon was divine. How was yours?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
All right! Who left the skateboard at the top of the stairs?
And then I hit him with the hammer.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So, what did you do next, Maxwell?
Bang, bang.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Chitty Chitty?
Talk about your stupid movies.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What shall we do today?
It's called a Shinda. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would it be displaying too much of my ignorance to ask what the heck that is?
Shinda's list.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I know the Thigh Bone's connected to the Leg bone, and the Leg Bone's connected to the Shin Bone. What do you have that tells us everything else thats connected to the shin bone?
The Encyclopedia Moronica, thirdteenth eddition.
Posted by Lazer King (Member # 4580) on :
What is John+5= You will never get it!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You say all of the Hatrack fluff threads are archived where?
Fluffiness is next to godliness.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are you so happy to be a sheep?
She's dating Gene Wilder.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why in the heck did she rent Young Frankenstein?
Whatever you do, don't let it slow down!!
[ August 28, 2003, 01:59 AM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I think I'm on that bus from Speed! What do I do!?
Get off the crank.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Should I quit standing on this old grouch's neck?
Nice to see you Bob.
Posted by Damander (Member # 4439) on :
Bob: You're that darn bird boy, aren't you?!
Pickle juice, and just a hint of acetone. (aka fingernail polish remover)
Posted by NewbTheTERRIBLErEVENge (Member # 5588) on :
die thread, die!
Posted by Damander (Member # 4439) on :
die, newbtheterriblerevenge, die!
(oops, did I say that??) Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Mmmm...what's in this salad dressing?
just ignore him, he's playing with himself.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Is that your younger brother in the next room with the beautiful tenor singing voice?
He said something totally disgusting!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
He: Something Totally Disgusting!?!?!?
Just add a question mark and Violla!!!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
How can I make this a question mark Viola thread?
And it all went south from there.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Can you give me a title for my history of the Rust Belt?
Rust never sleeps.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
My, My, Hey, Hey, Why's your friend Rusty so wired today?
I'm grateful I'm dead.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Why does your tombstone read "Thank you, thank you, thank you"?
Good question, but probably because I'm an actor.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Are you so popular because of your third nipple?
It was really the Funky Bunch.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why does that thing of banana's smell wierd.
((Doctor, why are you offering me a cigarrette?)) --0ld one that Godric beat me to answering.
Trust the good men in the lab coats.
[ August 30, 2003, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What was the most cliched subtext in Golden Age sci-fi?
Mars needs our women!
[ August 31, 2003, 03:23 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Celtic Flame (Member # 5556) on :
What would you say if you wanted to be institutionalized?
I think she said no...
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
So, are you going out tonight?
The thingambobby disconnected from the doohickey.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why is your new whatsamajig with the frizbits and dinglehoppers at the bottom of the pool?
Just get me a towel!
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Honey, why are you wearing the shower curtain?
Rubber ducks are so me...
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Have you seen the new line of condoms for sportsmen printed with bucks, waterfowl, and fish?
I couldn't help myself.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Were you successful as a shrink?
We just remove the toilet seat altogether between visits.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So have you and your wife finally found a solution to your...ahem...little problem?
It felt rather cool and slippery.
Posted by Professor Funk (Member # 5608) on :
So how did your homemade ice cream go down?
Over the top, I'd say.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What's the best way to traverse a mountain?
Rum, rum, rum.
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
What are the top three reasons to go to the Carribian?
My blue suede shoes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Elvis, what was that I stepped on?
You ain't nothin but a hound dog.
Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :
Do you smell that?
Ah, how cute.
Posted by Bricks-N-Sandwiches (Member # 5603) on :
And this is my wife and daughters picture from last year.
Blood Blood BLOOD!
[ September 02, 2003, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: Bricks-N-Sandwiches ]
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
What drives you?
Bill Clinton embarassed the country.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you have to say about the 10,000 people mooning President Clinton?
They all turned the other cheek.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what happened when you told them that you didn't have a clear view of their behinds?
Nice, but completely unnecessary.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's your latest girlfriend like?
I promise not to EVER do that again!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that your post?
They said it was an upgrade.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
So your professor started curving his tests?
High in fiber, low in fat.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Tell me again why you keep chewing all your pencils down to nubs?
But I still want one.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Don't you know that by buying an SUV you'll contribute to global warming, increase smog and ground-level ozone and support global terrorism?
So, what's your point?
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You just set the house on fire with your weird voodoo ritual and you're just standing there???
Well, nobody's perfect.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
He says I am the most useless person he's ever met!
I try, but they keep coming back.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Can't you get rid of these fleas?
Don't be a yella coward, man! Stand and fight!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Do you hear my mom calling for me?
Duh, follow the yellow brick road.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Dang it, Scarecrow, people are starting to stare. We're in Kansas now, will you please stop saying that?
I need a brain!
[ September 05, 2003, 03:03 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I'm sorry the brilliant professor's brain is detroyed. We do have this one belonging to Abby someone. Do you want Abby Normals?
That's Frankenstein!!
[ September 05, 2003, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
OK... What do you think of this strange hot dog-like meat they're serving in the commissary?
What about my brain?
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Would anyone like a new apedex? Anyone? Anyone?
one thousand three million seven hundred and sixty-four.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
How many times have you been to Disneyland, Benji?
Over my shoulder.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
This game isn't over my head, it's just...
The universe is permeated with the odor of turpentine.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What Bible verse did God decide to delete?
Rev 25,verse 1: Psyche! What suckers you all are! Here's the real story:
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What makes you think you got a bad translation of the Gideon Bible?
Thou shall commit adultery.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
What was the sermon topic last April 1st?
Of all the cities in the western hemisphere, he chose to live here.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What is it that bugs you about him?
No, it's the OTHER one!
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
After searching through: your nail clippings, your droppings, the hair left over from your last visit to the dentist, the thousands and thousands used Depends, and every inch of your withered, old, body, Ethel, this is the hair curler you were looking for, right?
Yes, you can!
[ September 08, 2003, 01:17 AM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can I CanCan in the Kahn's Can?
Say that five times fast.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
I shot the city sheriff.
Only makes me laugh.
Posted by Dead_Parrot_Horse (Member # 5632) on :
Doesn't it hurt to have that spike sticking out of your forehead?
I think it would be better if we left that outside.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I'm a newbie, should I start off with calling Bush a nazi, an abortion thread or just name-calling?
Why don't you make friends with the door?
(da Goat, LMAO! Good one))
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Don't you want to be my forever BEST FRIEND??
I'm sorry that it came across that way.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sheesh!!! Could you have put more spin on that thing?
Some dogs just aren't good at frisbee.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Excuse me, Sir, but why is there a pie tin sticking out of your dog's anus?
No, and I'd appreciate it if you'd leave the duck out of it.
[ September 09, 2003, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
So we can't call the game "Duck, Duck, Goose"?
No no, I think it needs a gander.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you think my cement porch goose would look good in this garter belt?
Oh, it's just a little porcupine.
Posted by Celtic Flame (Member # 5556) on :
What's that stuck in the car grille?
I don't care who you are, this a womens only club.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
I'm Martina Naritolova! Don't you know who I am?
*waiting for boos and hisses*
Yeah, and I have one just like it.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you like my new exclusive one-of-a-kind original designer dress?
It was a dog wearing a hat.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
Ooooh. Is that a new picture of your wife?
Little metal bottle tops.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ow! OW! OW!!! WHAT is all over the floor?
It's green and fuzzy.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Would you like some tea? It's only a few years old...
Whenever that happens, I just call my mother.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Y'know how sometimes you just really need a hug?
Especially when they're sleeping.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Its fun roping cats to the railroad tracks, isn't it?
That's what I call a spelling mistake.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What did you think of the decision to cast Tori in 90210?
It always comes in a clay pot.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Where did that Burning thread come from?
Shh, they're resting.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wow! Are those real hell spawn?
Hmm...cute kids.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
I mean, what could be more annoying than perky flight attendants?
Cause you can taste it in the water.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How can you be sure that the flea medication came off in the bath?
God spelled backwards is dog.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Why does the Seminary offer degrees in Veterinary Sciences?
Church's Fried Chicken is one.
Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
Can you name the top three free passes into the highest degree of heaven?
It could be a little less yellow.
[ September 17, 2003, 03:46 AM: Message edited by: Cecily ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How's my nose look today?
At least its not brown.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How would YOU like to explain getting alfredo sauce stains all over your boss's underwear?
We could always look in the ocean.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Has anyone seen my virgintiy?
With a name like that, second introductions are not required.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Have you been introduced to my maid, Olive Mibody?
Yeah, she's great for getting at those hard-to-reach nooks and crevaces.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You got a new Proctologist?
Turn your head and cough.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What do you need a towel for?
Its all in the reflexes
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Hey, what did you kick me for?
Spring forward, fall back.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How did that fencing move go again?
It's all about the chocolate.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
What's the secret to your intimate relationships?
It just bounced right over!!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Your cat fell out of the window AGAIN?!?
Please don't do that anymore.
(edit: Welcome, Tieko, btw!!! )
[ September 18, 2003, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: Raia ]
Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
So, how does it feel when I jab my finger into your eye repeatedly like this? *jab jab jab*
I had no idea that our house was built on an ancient Indian burial ground!
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
You realize those are SKULLS in the sandbox, not coconuts?
Now would be the perfect time.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What time is a good time for Caleb hunting?
I am all loaded and ready to go.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Weren't you headed over to the sperm donor clinic, Dan?
Some things really ought to stay private.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Does this make me look fat?
Because it exploded.
Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :
Why do you think my new car is a failure?
Quibblers, I'm surrounded by quibblers.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Quibble? Quib qui,quib quibble quib?
Next time in English please.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
How did you like your in-flight movie?
There were only three, and no butter.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
What's this I hear about a wild party with lots of men at your house last night?
That's just what I TOLD them!
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Did you know the kids were playing with downed powerlines in the middle of the street?!?!?!
Since there was so much, we had to feed it to the mail man.
Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
What did you do with all of that leftover sauerkraut from the sauerkraut wrestling match last night?
Don't make me come over there!!
Posted by dan_parrot (Member # 5692) on :
Arrrgh Wench, Where be my ale?
Talk like a Parrot you fool.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Don't hurt me! Parley! I'll do what you want!
I'm not quite dead yet, I'm getting better.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Would you rather be buried or cremated?
Let me think about it.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So, Morbo, what do you say we go rob a bank, shoot a couple police officers, throw ourselves from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and then, um, if we're still alive, go out to dinner?
If you say that one more time, I'm going to scream. Loud.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You do know that you really are adorable, right?
And then the pink elephants came.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
So, first the white elephants, then what?
We need to talk.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Honey, what you doing...wait, is that my *sister*?
I thought I'd make a good hairdresser..
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
For goodness sakes, won't you leave the cat ALONE!?
But he was so helpless...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why are you giving Woody Allen mouth to mouth?
Whiney does not mean helpless.
Posted by unohoo (Member # 5490) on :
I can't stand this helplessness, when will you stop whining?
Forty two
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
How many times did you say your computer crashed?
All in the same day, too.
[ September 21, 2003, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: Eruve Nandiriel ]
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Father, was there really a deluge of water covering the Earth, and did a virgin really give birth to the son of God?
No, that's my dog.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
You worship your god in a kennel?
Another dyslexia joke
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
What can I say that will keep your mind off of your belemia (spelling?)?
Actually, this tastes more like turkey than chicken.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So you fixed her a candle-lit dinner, got down on one knee, proposed, and she said...?
All right! I admit it!! I WAS the one that broke into the Cheetos factory that day!!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Then how do you explain the orange poofy dust on your loafers?
I knew that was going to be my downfall.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Do you expect me to believe that THAT human footprint is yours?? You're a DUCK!
Couldn't be any better!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So, how's your day going?
(yeah, that was lame, but this has fallen to the 4th page!! What is the world coming to?)
She went and married your cousin.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey Hon, whatever happened to your alter ego?
Now that's a heck of a thing to find out over breakfast.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
This Just In. The world ended at 2:45am. Do you know that you are all deceased?
Film at 11
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
gaa! What do you do when someone posts before you?
'tis only a flesh wound.
[ September 24, 2003, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but in the end...?
Why, I told him that the wicker baskets weren't for sale; not for his kind of prices!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Caleb, what did you say to Fidel Castro to make him cry like that??
I didn't think anyone would notice the pink lace!
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I'm sure you've been asked about this a thousand times, but... what's up with your football pads?
Really, it's not the kind of thing you'd expect to find in the 4,666th (for 666) post of a thread.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why has every other word in your post been replaced with ***s?
It's a long long way to Tipperary.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why have you packed so many pickled weiners?
Oh, but I just aDORE feeling nauseated!!
Posted by Celtic Flame (Member # 5556) on :
NO! Don't smell my dirty socks!!
I don't care for prunes.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Look at all those poor prunes writhing in agony! Why don't you help them?
Chain-metal underwear, of course.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
How did you keep from loosing the jewels?
When it jumped up and said ,"Hey!"
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So how did you know that the car accident hadn't killed your hamster?
All I know is that a short naked Albanian man just ran through my living room!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Does your apartment come with any amenities?
Just a pool.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
What did you spend your $50,000,000 lottery winnings on??
Over the dog house, and around the stuffed pig, then back in front of the rusty statue.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Where should I go to pee?
This time it's green, with purple spots and yellow spikes.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Still seeing pink elephants?
Whoa! That'll keep more than the doctor away!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Have you heard about the health benefits of eating a clove of garlic a day?
He just sat down and cried like a lunatic.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what's Sadaam been up to for the last few months?
That a lunatic all right.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Who's that on my grass making daisy chains??
Yes, it is unusually pink today.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Is that the eye you were talking about?
I got it from Scott Baio.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Just been to the doctor. My tests are back.
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What did you ask that fellow who came to the door?
Big ones, small ones, little tiny crunchy ones.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Did you say you eat CHILDREN?!?!
A little on the burnt side.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How was your first burnination?
Marzy-paaan!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
We had ten pounds of almonds. What did you DO with all of them?
Take one now, give one later.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is your opinion of the curse word "D@#$"
Frankly my dear, I don't give a dang.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Who smells like cheese and turnips?
These go to "eleven".
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
In which pile do these confidential documents go?
Not really. I don't much care for horses.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You want some barbeque?
Well, don't blame me! I brought MY hamster!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I'm still hungry. Who didn't bring snack?
mmmmmm Guacamole.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What is that green stuff on the bottom of you're shoe??
Ewwww, gross.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Here, would you like this 144 pounds of fresh sheep poop?
It was the middle of the night.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why were you practicing your trumpet!?!??!?!?! Were you TRYING to wake me up?????
Wasn't me!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Who had the last post in that thread killer thread?
And now for something completely different.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
After that 24 hour Monty Python marathon, what do you want to do now?
To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did Adam and Eve wait so long to have children?
Gravity and fire.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Two things you can always count on?
Death and fire insurance fraud.
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
I need some cash, what would you recommend?
I don't need it, I can quit whenever I want.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What's this I hear about you being addicted to Hatcrack?
Just a tiny bit more.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Do I have to carry this Llama much further?
It's not what you think.
Posted by Her Royal Sweekiness (Member # 5747) on :
What are you doing with that hamster?
It's an exercise wheel.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What is that huge round thing I'm seeing through their living room window??
No, I said throw the bone to the dog!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that pig going to make another long distance call?
Don't hog the whole thread.
Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :
95
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
How many times have you been stabbed by a giant toothpick and then thrown out of the front door?
'Fraid not.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
So, Gus, are we havin' steak tuh-night?
Yep, just like everything else on this blasted Earth!
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
Is the microwave broken again?
No comment.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you yell when my Rottweiler named Bad Comment tries to chew on your favorite collectable action figure?
Down boy.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's the name of that kid we saw covered in fluffy goose feathers yesterday?
Yes, but I'd like mine without the racoon tail, please.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
So, is this your first time getting facial reconstructive surgery?
At this point we should probably keep all of our options open.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
Why do you guys always forget to zip up your britches?
Save the Texas Prairie Chicken.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
President Bush, what's your main plan in helping America after you get Iraq squared away?
Listen to you heart, and you will know the answer.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
How can I stop hearing all these voices in my head?!?
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What's a catchy slogan for hackers this year?
((hums to self "the worms play penicle on your snout"))
Yes. In an egg plant costume.
Posted by Petra'sDaughter (Member # 5539) on :
Was that you I saw on the jumbo vision eating three hotdogs at once?
Pull that out RIGHT NOW!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Daddy, can I do the Hokey Pokey please? I know its dancing and dancing is a sin, but I'm just sticking my left hand in, pleassssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
That is the fifth most annoying sound in recorded history.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Why don't you listen when I talk to you?!
We decided not to do it that way, it's too dangerous.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that we're going to try wean drug addicts by introducing them to Hatcrack instead?
My watch doesn't have that number on it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Is it the Texas Yodelling hour?
That will hurt your throat.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
I'm thinking of joining the circus and being a sword-swallower.
OH! So that's why it crashed!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Did I ever say I was a good pilot?
I got better.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I remember cutting out your heart with a plastic spork, slitting your throat with a 15th century headsman's axe, shooting you 417 times with a 50 caliber machine gun, dropping you in a cliff and running you over with a 3 ton industrial grade steam roller. What are you doing in my office?
You have to admit, he's got stamina.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
How can he beat his head against the wall like that and not fall unconscious?
I'll take mine with butterscotch topping!
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
The morgue is packed solid, and the city needs some way to fix this. Any suggestions?
It's not digestible, Francine.
Posted by 5710 (Member # 5710) on :
Peter it's great that they picked your theme but isn't it a little esoteric?
Stuff it with cheese
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How would you like me to serve your salad?
I wish him a slow and painful life followed by a slow and painful death.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
So what did you say to the doctor after such a slow and painful birth?
Because I said so.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Why should we stop posting in all threads that have more than forty pages?
Answer the phone!
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What if it's a telemarketer -- or worse, Uncle Sam?
I'm proud to be an American!
Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :
What do you think of the fact that the US has 4.8% of world population yet consumes more than 20% of world natural resources?
Shut up, you tree-hugger.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ouch, that bark really scratched up my arms. Now I have termite bites all over too, though they haven't swollen up as bad. Could I say that Bark was worse than the bites?
Hail the tree mugger.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What's actually written on George Washington's headstone?
Smokestacks. Two of them.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Tell me the truth -- what does this zit look like?
Mt. Kilimanjaro.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
How high are you, like buzzed, or Mt Kilimanjaro, or like "Dude, who I am I?"
Please repeat the question.
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
What is there to see in Tanzania? (you beat me, but I guess it still works) I thought that was where the devil lived.
[ October 03, 2003, 08:17 AM: Message edited by: ikantspel ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What is there to see in Tanzania?
Beats me.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Ewwwwwww... You always look like a whipped up egg! What does the chef do to you?
Chop them all! CHOP THEM ALL UP GOOD!!!!!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
You'll be reading for the part of Mr. Manson, are you ready?
I was born ready for this part. MWHahahahaha
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
We're trying to get you this part where you play a crack-smoking sex-therapist, think you can handle it?
As long as there isn't a goat involved, I'll do anything.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Anna Nicole, will you marry the millionare for his money?
I'll do more than that for enough money.
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
You are known as the queen-whore of the universe, therefore what we all want to know is...will you wrestle with Bob Saget in a huge pile of corned beef?
Well, as a thrill seeker I'd have to say yes.
[ October 03, 2003, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: ikantspel ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Are you sure you want to share that elevator with Arnold?
I said I would grope you last. I lied.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What are we going to do now that we're shipwrecked on this tiny island with sheep and monkeys?
You wear it on a string around your neck, silly!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What the hell am I supposed to do with this smelly shrunken sheep's head you brought back from the island?
It's a good luck charm.
[ October 06, 2003, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you always have a chip on your shoulder?
Hell hath no fury like a Hoover upright vacuum with Advanced HEPA filtering.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I think my vacuum cleaner is possessed! What do you think?
There's clean, and then there's letting-the-baby-crawl-on-it clean.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why haven't you brought your cute little son to come visit us?
Nobody thought of doing it in purple.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What is so original about your algebra website, anyway?
Our homework section is subtitled "How to suck up to your teacher."
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Your new teacher made the class give her a foot massage and a manicure--what kind of homework will you have in THAT class?
An object lesson in survival.
Posted by CATS (Member # 5758) on :
What would you call somebody setting you up the bomb?
Man! I told him to move every zig!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do I see only the Zags?
Don't look directly into the light.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I'm a goner, any last minute tips?
Move away from the light, Carol Anne!
Posted by rayne (Member # 5722) on :
What does the over-domineering parent say when her child is slipping into the next life?
For now, just reading about it will suffice.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Here is the heathen text. Shall I shred it and burn it and scatter the ashes across the earth before its blasphemous talk of love and peace and compassion take root?
Wow, I could have had a V8.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you know that they've discovered that you can eat all the sodium you want and it won't make a difference?
We're almost at 100 pages!
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
What will Narnia say after another 197 posts?
Lime Jello.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What do you fear more than fear itself?
It's a bit rusty.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You stopped using the chainmesh diaper?
Just grab and twist.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
How do you defend yourself against a rapist?
twenty four miles
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What was it you were calling "not quite a marathon"?
Don't make me stop this thread!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Haha. I won't ask a question here.
What are you going to do about it? Nothing, just as I thought.
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
Will you please stop posting nude photos of me on the internet?
Because even though it has a cool bass beat, "Testicles Don't Grow Back" isn't the kind of song you should listen to. Ever.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why won't you play John Bobbit's new album on your fishing show?
You could fix that with a screwdriver.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Do you have anything for a hangover?
You ask me again and I'll nail your feet to the floor.
[ October 08, 2003, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Muppet, you're a guy, right?
One and one make two, two and two make four . . .
Posted by ikantspel (Member # 5752) on :
What do you remember from first grade math?
I'd bust some caps!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
A headwear destroying spree? What would you do?
I thought it would be warmer.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
So, what do you think of the post-nuclear-holocaust world?
Here, kitty, kitty.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, what's with the harpoon and season salt?
I could do it all night if I had the money.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Did you hear about the new 24-hr wishing well?
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you seen the first draft of the Sermon on the Mount?
My main concern is where did you leave the loaves?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Don't worry. I used leaves to wipe.
Bob should know better.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why are you a member of the Church of the Sub-Genius?
To fight the nefarious Anti-Bob.
[ October 09, 2003, 11:23 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why have you formed the church of Bob?
Not until you hand over that toothbrush!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
(oops, too late)
Gimme all your gold teeth!
It was the last thing I could find in the junk drawer...
[ October 09, 2003, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What are you doing with that model Chinese boat?
Float! Float, I tell you! FLOAT!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why'd you send your root beer back?
Your words mean nothing to me!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wy donc lo fisnt piwn nwe dols nud?
I think you should take him seriously this time.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Does that mime have a gun?!
Wow. Didn't see THAT coming.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Geez!! Was that a bumble bee that just ran into your forehead?
Yes, and there were still four blue elephants waiting around.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Boy, after the Republican convention ended everyone sure was looking sad, weren't they?
I'm only telling you this because I think your self-esteem could use it.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
The porn queen did That?
Well ya know computers are capable of many things.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Your wildlife painting business went under?
I thought it would be fuzzier.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Is that a hand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Well what do you expect for this time of night?
[ October 10, 2003, 03:10 AM: Message edited by: Yebor1 ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that the best you could come up with?
It's a lucky charm.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Is that your...? Nevermind
Tea kettles and sugar cubes just went flying all over!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How was brunch with your anger management group?
Well, it smelled okay at first.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Have you seen my microbiology experiment I left in the fridge a few months ago?
No! I only have one left!!
[ October 10, 2003, 03:16 AM: Message edited by: Tieko ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Will you sell me another kidney?
Man, that's really full.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
HA! look, I've...ouch...stuffed 15 mad...ouch...ferrits in my pants. think...ouch...I can get one more??
Only birthday cake and finger tips, thanks.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Should I flush the toilet now paw?
Let bygones be bygones
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Do you have that $50 you owe me?
I was born to run.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
(Minute late, few cents short) Why do you like throwing spit balls at ex-convicts and Marine special forces?
Only after we poured liquid oxygen into the opening.
[ October 10, 2003, 03:30 AM: Message edited by: Tieko ]
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why did ya rob that bank?
its funny how ya can type for one post and end up following a completely different one.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Why is everyone laughing at me because my questions don't make sense?
I'm just a slow typer.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Any drawbacks to being born with no hands?
It's never too late to try.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Did you know I've never eaten a pickle, while standing on one foot, and skipping over broken glass?
Only when the pasta's not brown.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
should i get married at 99?
Look what the cat dragged in.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's Mickey Mouse doing in our house?
Like a wildfire.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Did you ever get that blue rash taken care of, or is it still spreading?
I'm serious, the cow just dove right in, whole body and everything.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Oprah broke your swimming pool?
I could barely get it over my head.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
[ oh man, that was the FUNNIEST thing ive heard so far ]
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Did you know your underwear is hooked under your nose?
I just couldn't...no matter how hard i tried...it wouldn't budge.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You went elephant-tipping?
I ordered a hamburger!!
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
You've been a vegitarian all your adult life and one slip up isn't worth committing suicide, what did you eat that was so bad?
It was called "Grandmothers Getting Jiggy Night"
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
It was lesbian porn! How could it be bad?!
About a gallon of milk, that's what!
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Now what in the world could be dropped over the edge of the 13-story building and do THAT much damage to your little puppy?
It has big pointy teeth and it can leap about...look at the bones!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What have you done to that skeleton?!
About as much as a burrito, I think.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
Do you have any common sense? (j/k)
Toe nails, it is all about the toe nails.
[ October 10, 2003, 04:34 AM: Message edited by: Tieko ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What ARE you chewing?
Is it really that late?
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
I've been sitting on this toilet for three and a half hours...and yet not even a poot...Can you hand me another one of OSC's books please?
Out of no where he came screeching down the hall screaming, "The blue dots are coming! The blue dots are coming!"
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's a Pac-Man nightmare like?
It feels a bit like silk.
Posted by Tieko (Member # 5594) on :
What's your chain-metal underwear feel like?
Just a dash of magic mushrooms.
[ October 10, 2003, 05:35 AM: Message edited by: Tieko ]
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Have you heard about those sorcerous fungi races?
The voices!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What's the best part about meditating alone?
*points to sign* Please do not feed the guru.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did I do to you, Guru, to make you sue, you know who?
Ooooh. A tongue twister.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How much fudd could a fuddpucker puck if a fuddpucker could puck fudd?
He sang to me, and then he asked me out.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What did Enrico Caruso do when he found you in hiding in his wardrobe?
It's both sticky and tacky.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you call your new candy STACKY
Oh, I thought it had something to do with making big piles out of little piles.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why do you call it the Florida "clump"?
I had to stand in the corner.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Dude, what'd your mom do when she caught you burning down the school?
She said NEVER break the 11th commandment--don't get caught.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Must be weird having a fish for a mom, eh?
It looked bigger on TV.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
You expect "that" pump to do any good?
well we'll just have to siphon it off.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Half-full or half-empty? I dunno. Doesn't it look about three-quarters full?
And boy, did it hurt. But it was a good hurt.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How did it feel to have that rhinocerous off of you after 17 hours?
Thats what you get for shooting it when it was so close.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
How will I ever get this off of my new cashmier sweater?
You just add a little lime juice and a pinch of garlic powder, then pop it into the oven.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So, War Chief, what did the Puma Tribe say was the best way to deal with these cursed missionaries?
When they knock on your hut, hide in the shadows; eventually they'll go away.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
But what if I just don't feel like making a pizza?
I thought I left it under my bed.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Have you seen the yogurt?
yeah it was good...and I've got pictures!
[ October 11, 2003, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So I hope your date was fun, Ashley?
Yeah, except for the knife fight it was great!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Sequels usually suck...how was My Big Fat Gangster Wedding?
I'll take mine wrapped in a wet towel.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am, I do not like green eggs and ham.
It was the Cat-In-The-Hat, I swear!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you pee in my beanie?
They all landed in different places.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
What happens when you shove corn up your nose and sneeze?
Great, now my house is up in flames.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Why don't you try sticking a fork in the toaster?
It was blue paper with green writing.
Posted by Ocsirf (Member # 5794) on :
He wrote his suicide note while he was listening to Cream?
That's only a ballpark figure.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that Jerry Louis has ballooned up to the size of a small stadium?
Trust me, you really don't want a box seat!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So you say the birds never fly straight?
Yes, every day.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Holy cow! You showered again?
But I barely touched it!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Why's the rum gone??
I KNEW you would say that!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
That?
It's a little stronger over here.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So how do you like my new perfume?
A little salt and presto change-o there you are!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What, did you run out of pixie dust?
I'll believe it when I seeit.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Did you know that a bunch of Elvis-clones from Jupiter recently landed on the moon?
I dunno, I just put C.
Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :
Take a C-note, leave a c-note, is that any way to run a business?
Money is the root of all fun.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Women require a certain amount of money per given time: Women=Time x Money Time is money: Time=Money Thus, Women=Money x Money Money is the root of all evil. Money Squared= Evil So Women=Evil. Isn't that right?
Only four if you don't count the nun.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, you seem pretty experienced...just how many girls have you gone to Lovers' Lane with?
They paved Paradise!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
She was wearing asphalt underwear?
I gave her five dollars and a kick in the shin.
Posted by Obrom (Member # 5793) on :
Did you help out your ho with those medical bills?
I didn't become the Mack Daddie of Arlen by writing any checks, yo.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You paid for dinner entirely with unrolled pennies?
I'm going to need an atlas for that one.
Posted by Rappin' Ronnie Reagan (Member # 5626) on :
Why don't you go shove it up Djibouti?
Someone has a pickle fetish.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that a Vlasic in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Give me 3 minutes.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
If you were an egg, would you be hard-boiled, soft-boiled, fried, or scrambled?
I'm going to lunch with Amish people today.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you carrying a buggy whip?
Personal hygeine reasons, mostly.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
How come you won't meet with President Bush?
It only costs $2.99 and you get it in 5-10 business days!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do I get a Bob of my very own?
Use a projection TV as bait.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
How do you get football fans to watch Anne of Green Gables?
Ask and you shall receive, my friend.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Will you give me $3.5 million dollars? Please please please?
Yes, of course you can bring your friend.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Honey, I'm going to need some moral support while you're giving birth. Could Bob come along?
Bob improves every party.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do alcohol and Bob have in a common?
Up two flights of stairs, third door on the right. But mind the bubble wrap.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
What happened to that tiger and crocodile I sent you?
Behold the power of CHEESE!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Hey, what happened to the hole in the ozone layer?
Darn, I lost my keys again.
(edited because I can't spell )
[ October 13, 2003, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: Julie ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What makes you think it's Alzheimer's?
I got it all on tape.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You melted my entire CD and MP3 collection? What will I do for Music?
Dance you little hamster, dance.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why point such a large gun at such a small rodent?
Sorry. My clock was off.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
How could you not show up for your own wedding?
Uh... I ... uh... I'd like to plead the fifth.
Posted by Rasputin (Member # 5409) on :
So what exactly were you doing at the rodeo with a tazer and whipped cream?
Guys will be guys.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
There's pudding in the carpet, three monkeys dangling from the ceiling, and half the wall has been torn away. What do you have to say for yourself?
Sorry, my lizard got sprayed by a skunk and she's allergic to tomato.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
So do you have any idea what happened to my bottle of Worcesteshire sauce?
The penguins didn't look right.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You hit an entire flock of penguins while they were crossing the street?!
Yeah, but I got a good glass of wine out of the deal.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So the supermodel dumped you to go out with the bum down the street?
That's why you should never use wide ruled notebook paper.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, your Constitutional Amendment was voted down again?
I was framed!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What are you doing in that life-sized portrait?
I'm so...flattered.
Posted by Rasputin (Member # 5409) on :
You're pretty fly for a white girl, wanna hang out?
Not unless you get a job.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you get up and clean the house already, woman?
Good thing I wasn't drinking acid.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Let me guess. You were reading something funny and you spewed all over the monitor again?
It's RUINED because of you!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
What do you think of the "Begging the Question" thread nowadays?
No soup! Radio!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have a great idea about a radio cooking show. I could give lessons on making entree's and salads and deserts and breads. What should I call it?
That was lame, but you had so little to work with.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Oh, yeah?! Well...your thumb looks crooked! Did you slam it in a car door or something?!
Give it to me, or I'm telling your mom.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What's the matter can't run any faster?
Percy, the pale-faced polar bear.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Nice picture...but why does the abominable snowman have a bucket for a head?
I lifetime supply of Cheez Wiz.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
So, what's stored in Fort Knox nowadays?
No, don't do that! It'll explode!!!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Can I pet your pretty pet bunny rabbit?
I would say that she's a little disturbed!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What do you think of that woman who actually lives in South Dakota?
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
What's the name of the new support group for cocoa addicts?
We called it a "blowout sale".
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I hear your car got totalled when your tire suddenly wore out. Is it true you're selling off the parts?
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What did the arachnid do when it wanted to discover for itself where the dihydrogen monoxide came from inside the tap?
It shuddered and died.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey, how's your Yugo doing?
The Yogi ate the Yoga Yogurt in the Yugo.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Do you have a slogan for "Y Preservation Week"?
Don't look back. Just RUN!!!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What are you doing with that $1500 stereo system?
Umm...I know this one...just gimme a minute...
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
So what happened when he touched the ejector seat button?
Bond. Jimbo Bond.
Posted by Shareem (Member # 5820) on :
You, in the white dinner jacket and John Deere cap, I'm Dr. Evil, who are you?
That's what I told her!!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Why did you let Cheryl get hit by that bus? Don't you know the green light means 'go'?
Go Away. Just go.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
That was great. Wanna cuddle?
In retrospect, I shouldn't have bought the cow.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Don't you think that purchasing the empire state building, a $15,000 computer and digital surroundsound speakers, a diamond encrusted Rolex, and a brown and white cow is a bit excessive?
Sure. Blame it on the credit card companies.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Is it possible that your credit card company just randomly decided to bill you for AOL?
That's not oppurtunity, that's just more desert.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you think of this offer I got in the mail to buy a plot in the Sahara?
With a cherry on top.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
(Girl in my office is named Cheri. Must make thoughts be clean. OK, now I'll try one)
Would you give me a kiss if I got on my knees and begged and said pretty pretty pretty please?
Get off your knees, you don't know where that rug has been.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Please please PLEASE won't you delete the last post thread?
The chimp will just have to go then. *sigh*
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
How would you respond to a man kneeling at your feet with a toupee in his teeth?
Uh...do you remember what I told you last time?
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Uh...wanna watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat?
Sure!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you wearing deodorant today?
Canadians don't do that sort of thing.
[ October 16, 2003, 09:18 PM: Message edited by: Frisco ]
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Did you put your thinking cap on today?
Bzzz! Time's up!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How much longer until the next drone gets his turn to impregnate the queen?
Right it my eye.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Would you please turn that right side up?
A mere pittance.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
After we remove the lawyers fees, the consultant fees, the agency fees, and the lobbyist fees, how much of that 27 Billion will actually make it to Iraq for reconstruction?
Beaurocracy, the final fiscal frontier.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Howard Dean wants to tackle WHAT?
We can take our country back.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did Michael Jackson say after a particularly indulgent shopping trip?
Ask not what you can do for your country...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey, What can I do for my country?
It was begging to be asked.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So, dude, why'd did you go to the sorting hat to find out who will win the Superbowl?
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Are you trying to get someone to call the DEA on you?
I should try to get some work done today.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Have you decided whether you are going to use force to displace something right now?
Blame it on the Anti-Bob.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What happened to the sandwich I left in the fridge with the "Please Do Not Eat" sign on it?
You take a left at the light and it's three miles down the road across from the farm house.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Hey, which way to the secret military base?
I was drunk and seventeen.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
How'd you get that tattoo on your butt?
Well I think it's cute.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you sure you still want to be with me...even with third degree burns covering 95% of my body?
I never saw it coming.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What'd you think about that plot twist at the end of the dictionary?
I just plugged it up with all of those AOL free trial CDs.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
How did you get over your diarrhea?
I don't think that's legal.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Could I borrow your fire truck if I promise to give it back when I finish bathing the dolphin I bought in Cuba?
Short answer yes with an if, long answer no with a but.
Posted by rayne (Member # 5722) on :
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? Or - does anything I do in life really make any difference?
Because she knew you knew he knew they knew.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What makes you think she knows?
I did not know that.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You look surprised by her comment that 75% of all jatraqueros are AI programs. Why?
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you . . . uh, wait, I know this . . .
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So what's the new Girl Scout ad campaign?
Because it hurts, that's why!
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Would anybody care to explain to me why Ralphie the Spankmistress is so damned popular?
It is a computer simulated dream world that exists to keep us unaware of the fact that all of us are under their control.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
So what's the setting you're working on for NaNoWriMo?
Aw, c'mon, it's only for thirty days!
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
You want me to put that where?
Don't worry it will change colors soon.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Can you tell me how to find my iguana?
you need three eggs, two banannas, a handful of anchovies, and some brown lentils.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So how do I get rid of the bum I found living in my closet?
I just love the way the peas mix with the green jell-o and the blue raspberry drink mix.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Interesting dish...you say you learned to cook in Utah?
Well, I took an extra just in case.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are there seven wet otters in your car?
You were supposed to take them one at a time!
Posted by JeweledHeart (Member # 5833) on :
And what do I do once I have finished the bottle of vicodin?
A: Only on days that end in "y"
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
You say you like to contribute to the 'Mr. Funny wants a new computer' fund?
Whenever it is possible.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How often do you like to use contractions?
It's a lot bigger than it was last time.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Is that what I think it is?
A poodle playing polka.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Thank's for your concise definition of the KKK, now what is this PPP?
I've got to go wee. WEEEEEEEEE!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How did you feel after seeing that squirrel cartoon?
Gonads and strife. Gonads and Strife!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you know a good Law Firm?
Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
To be honest, you look more European than Native American to me--which Indian tribes did you say you were from?
The Oakland Raiders.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Who did you say was staying the night?
Give that cow a lapdance.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What advice did Charlotte give the pig to make him really popular on the farm?
Low in cholesterol, high in fun!
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
What did you say was good about Hatrack?
Don't do that to a duck. He won't like it.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
What do you say we dress him up in orange and black?
Yeah, she hit the lightpole again!
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
did sarah break her fist?
Just kiss the goat.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
did sarah break her fist?
Just kiss the goat.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Are you sure this will make my warts go away?
He put it in the back of his truck and drove it to Winnemucca.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Not that I'm complaining, but where did Utah go?
Only because it was on sale.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I'm assuming you had a good reason for buying Michael Bolton's entire collection?
Admit it, you're a fan of the New Kids on the Block.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What possible deep dark secret could you possibly hold over my head?
Blackmail is an ugly word, appropriate, but ugly.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
What is the proper word to describe soot incrusted armor?
Small round ears and an invisable tail.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
what does your imaginary friend look like?
I don't really know, but we're close. Definetely close.
[ October 22, 2003, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you know how to spell "definitely?"
Yeah, pretty cute, eh?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Your new girlfriend...she has a very pronounced Adam's Apple and very large hands...
You should have seen what happened to the other half!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Why is there half of an arrow sticking out of your ?
I started the 100th page! I am the coolest!
[ October 22, 2003, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Do you really think you deserve to be cryogenically frozen?
It was great, up until the point where I caught on fire.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Did you enjoy your little joy ride?
Personally? I think nike shoes and grape or strawberry jelly works best.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What do you suggest to get rid of my nose bleed?
It smells cold.
[ October 22, 2003, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: Julie ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you sniffing that icicle, or is your tongue stuck?
It's okay. I used the insanity defense.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What kind of prison term will you get for breaking into the assylum and letting all the patients escape?
You could make it a little easier for us.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Well, recruit, I suppose you want me and the other drill sergeants to bring you breakfast is bed while you're still in your jammies?
Gee, Sarge, that'd be nice!
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
How do you feel about marching the platoon off a 40 foot cliff today?
That's why I'm sitting here in the dark.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Do you realize how many clocks you'll need to change when you wake up in the morning?
But I'm not tired!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
If it starts getting chapped, stop!
My raccoon fetish has nothing to do with it.
Posted by wieczorek (Member # 5565) on :
What are these striped g-strings doing in your kitchen drawer?
That would be me.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who's the strangest of them all?
Oooh, Oooh, Pick me Mr. Kot-tear.
Posted by unohoo (Member # 5490) on :
Lessee, who can I get to clean the sewage screens, all 29 of them?
The fiords are the best part.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Did you like the Hitchikers' Guide to the Galaxy?
I'm a big boy now!
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
So, you've graduated to pull-up diapers?
Cloth beats plastic any day.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
What material do you want your Depends made out of?
But I don't like shots!
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Welcome to the Kevorkian Hotline. Would you prefer a needle or a gun?
So, from this, I can assume you're somehow involved in a French movement to rename Escargo "American Fries" as an apology to the Americans.
[ October 27, 2003, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
What do you think of the newly renamed Arc de Triumph Operation Iraqi Freedom?
I'm telling you, they didn't win!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Go CUBS! Go CUBS! CUBS RULE!
Florida? So what.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did you hear that Australia's drunken crawl removed part of the U.S. coastline?
Stop it! That tickles.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What did you say when the shark was biting off your toes?
TV can never lie!
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Did you see that fake news show about zobies?
Don't play with that alligator.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Kids!...C'mon, gather round the bonfire. . .OK, Lefty, Stumpy, Peg-leg, you other boys and girls, what'd we learn this week at Everglades summer camp?
Awwww, ma, we were just teasing!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ma, "Get your pants on you stupid Maytag Repairman. Didn't you here the kids screaming that Pa was home?"
Please don't squeeze the Charmin.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wanna wedgie, Mr. Whipple?
It was stuck to the bottom of his shoe when he went out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did God do with my soul THIS time?
The evil puppet did it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who ravished Ms. Piggy?
Talk about a stick in the mud.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Hey, how about we DELETE the last post thread??
Yeah, but I've decided that I'll never forgive you.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
I'm so sorry! I accidentally recycled your soda can collection! Is that OK with you?
Yes. No. Maybe.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did you vote in the California Recall election?
Step 1, burn the state down so we can start over.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
So, Governor Schwarzenegger, can you list for us the steps inwhich you hope to get California back on track?
Well, it started to itch and smell really weird.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How's the Iowa Caucus's shaping up?
That makes almost no sense what so ever.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What did you think of Bush's last speech?
We haven't blamed anything on Asia since SARS, so I guess it's their turn.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Who should we blame this mess on?
Green tube socks are definately the way to go.
Posted by Chocodile (Member # 5857) on :
Can you really say that the Bible isn't the word of God?
Actually, there wasn't any thinkin' involved.
[ November 02, 2003, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: Chocodile ]
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
???
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you really think it would be that easy to kill this thread?
A sad and ugly fact.
Posted by pajeba (Member # 5656) on :
Hey, isn't that your mom?
It fell in my eye today.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Have you seen that missing beam?
Well, I was just pretending to like your costume!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hey! HEY!!! why are you licking my knees?
If you don't stop it right this instant, I'm going to ground you for a month!
Edit for the stray "R"...
[ October 31, 2003, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Astronaut for the 3000th time: Hey NASA, pull my finger.
Explosive Cheese in a can.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the worst idea ever to come out of Wisconsin?
It's full of holes.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Why did you throw out the swiss cheese?
Because it's not from Wisconsin!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What do have against your cousin's mother's friend's boyfriend's dog's sister's uncle's owner's niece's brother's crack dealer's shoe?
I guess, but it sure was fun!
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
You realize you jeopardized the life of every human on Earth?
No, it's stuck on too well!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Should we grill a steak in your EZ-Bake oven?
Too many spooks coil the stew.
Posted by Chocodile (Member # 5857) on :
Should you be the one using the stove after your brain aneurysm?
I think so, but quick dissolving technology keeps my clothes virtually residue free.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So this new detergent will wear holes in all of my good clothes?
On the bright side, you can buy a twenty minute phone call for only 99 cents.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Welcome to the Federal Detention Center for people we think might have spent money in a store that once was visited by a guy who knew a friend of a friend of a friend who was Arab and might have unwittingly purchased Falafel from a street vendor who's cousin twice removed knew somebody who once made a threatening comment after beind denied service in a Denny's restaurant that was, oddly enough, itself a front for international terrorism. Would you like to be strip-searched before or after your one phone call?
But no dialing up Saudi Arabia.
[ November 02, 2003, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Can I borrow your cell phone?
It's all about the benjamins. Whatever that means.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Should you be flying your kite while it's lightning?
I'm almost positive.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Which blood type are you?
I'd like to thank the academy. Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You got knocked up seven times in seven years by seven different police officers?
I blame it on Elvis.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What happened to my million dollar diamond from Zales?
You stole my defense!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you believe it if I said I was just one of Julie's many personalities?
I'm a little teapot.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, Dead_Horse, which of your personalities do you like the best?
Martha, Rain, and Madalaine are some of the other ones.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So the California fire was caused by Arnold? Are you sure he's smart enough to work alone?
Whoa! Look at the colors!
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Sometimes, I just want my horse to stop and enjoy the scenery with me. What should I say?
Nothing. Communicate telepathically.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
What do you do to fix a cell phone?
Look, it was just an idea that got a bit out of hand. And foot. And possibly ear.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, Picasso, what's with this cubist thing?
I'm in love with sugar!
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
What's this? Brown powder on your shirt collar?--white powder in your hair?--your shirt smells sweet?--John, are you cheating on me?
(lol--I'm working on a report about Picasso and cubism right now)
See, the sproingy blue thing gets sown to the big red blob and--voila!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you grow Smurfs on Mars?
First you need lots and lots of M&Ms.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Explain it to me again. We're going to demonstrate how many one mole is how?
It's a weighty matter.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What's eating you, Gilbert?
And then the clowns rode in.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
So after the building collapsed the fire department showed up, and then what happened?
you can only fit five of those in at once.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I am so proud of myself for not making a hamster reference.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
You've just spend the day reviewing odd and unusual x-rays, how do you feel?
It up and vanished like a fart in the wind.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Whatever happened to the US peace surplus/dividend?
Only a traitor to his country would bring that up.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Why exactly are we still in Iraq?
*Sigh.* How many times do I have to answer that?
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What was your name again?
AAAAH CHOOOOO!!!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So, you say you have a cold. What are the symptoms?
I believe I can fly.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What makes you think you're Superman?
Watch out, Lois!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who's running the northeast's electical grid today, you or that idiot Lo?
He is not an idiot, well, not continually.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What do you have to say for him for posting too slow and then deleting it?
Yup, that's about as red as it gets.
[ November 03, 2003, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: Julie ]
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
Do you think your heinie has been spanked enough yet?
In Koosharem, Kanosh and Kanab.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Okay, all these women have dated Koo, and I have to pick only two for our new reality T.V. Show - who should I take?
I'm afraid you've just been voted off the island.
[ November 03, 2003, 11:48 PM: Message edited by: Scythrop ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So what did you guys think of my fart and belch only rendering of "Amazing Grace?"
It needs some punch, pizazz.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's your biggest complaint about Las Vegas?
Oh, I thought you said, "Kazoo".
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What does the martian from the Flintstones have to do with my sneeze?
Go blow it out your nose.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
I've got chronic indigestion. Any idea what I can do about it?
Possibly, but only if you're wearing sandals.
Posted by Abrynne (Member # 5826) on :
Do you think I'd be able to count to twenty even after that rock fell on my head?
I can't even fathom such an encounter!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Can you believe he fell 6 feet?
Ooh, deep!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How deep is the cow manure in the serious thread?
That is a polite way of saying it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
This must really be a freakin sign of the end of the @#$@#$ world when I have to @#$@#$@# question my own #$%$%@$$@#$@#$ answer becaust this thread fell to the third page. Who the #$!@)U#@$@# let this happen?
It wasn't me, I swear.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Who farted?
It smells like mountain fresh air on a summer morning.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
hey what does it smell like when I burp?
If you ever have any complaint please call ouir customer service department.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is it every time I figure out how to do something, you all explain my performance as the result of a genetic disorder?
Well, that's one less irritant in the world!
Ybor beat me to it!
[ November 07, 2003, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Did ya hear that "the ROCK" was running for president?
congradulations on taking one more step towards reaching a decision.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
did you hear I found my magic 8 ball?
Now if only I could read.
[ November 07, 2003, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Could someone please point out the nearest little boys room?
It comes equipped for the digital life.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
I hear you purchased one of those newfangled blow up dolls?
She didn't say she wanted to leave me yet.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why are you still trying to flirt with that manequin?
Hey it happened in the movie.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
Why did I think I could stop bullets by putting my hand up?
Locked in the basement, of course.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Umm Johnny, where's Mom?
Hermetically sealed and left overnight in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnel's doorstep.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Exactly what drugs did Greoning and Brooks use in high school?
sometimes i give myself the creeps.
Posted by wieczorek (Member # 5565) on :
What kind of idiot could be thirsty enough to lick the post on a ski-lift in mid-December without forseeing his tongue being scraped off with a spatula?
Call me Indiana Dave
[ November 07, 2003, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: wieczorek ]
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What did DAvid letterman say last night to his hooker?
Ok but dont expect a miricle.
Posted by wieczorek (Member # 5565) on :
Do you think you could remove this golf ball size wart from my abdomen?
I couldn't help it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is there a hairy little relative lying there with his dead hand pointing to the Heimlich chart?
It's an Addams Family thing.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
These cookies seem to have bat wings in them. Dare I ask?
Keebler. Definitely Keebler.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Bachelor number one, if we were to have a little girl, what would you name her?
Duh. Tomatoes do that.
[ November 07, 2003, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by wieczorek (Member # 5565) on :
What could you have slipped into my sandwich while I was out of the room to give me such frequent trips to the bathroom?
It was Uncle Latvius.
*edit - I forgot to put the answer!!
[ November 07, 2003, 11:59 PM: Message edited by: wieczorek ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Whose number is this on our phone bill were you made a 17 hour call to Poland???
Days, weeks, months, who knows.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
How long has this green stuff been growing in your fridge?
All you need is a scrub brush and hydrochloric acid.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't there another way to wash away sin?
Hey, it worked in Catholic school...
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Are you sure that saying fifty decades of the rosary will get rid of these termites?
You could try, but I wouldn't like to offer any sort of guarentee.
Posted by butterfly (Member # 5898) on :
I want to kill myself; do you think I'll die if I shoot myself in the heart?
Two books and a giant scoreboard for the football field.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What exactly did the school do with that record-setting donation?
New books. Lots of new books.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What did you have left over after the IRS fined you for tax evasion?
Nothing but the Taillights.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Did any part of your car survive when you were rear-ended?
No, that's the left one.
edit: forgot answer.
[ November 09, 2003, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: Black Mage ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
*Puts right foot in.* Is this how you do the hokey-pokey?
A patch and 32 stitches.
Posted by butterfly (Member # 5898) on :
What medical treatment did your dog get after you ran over him?
An ant farm.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
What is your uncle looking for?
Uncle! I quit! Uncle!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How about this? Does this tickle?
More fun than Chinese Water Torture.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
How wouuld you describe the "Begging the Question Game"?
I begged.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how did you get to be Hatrack member number 5800?
I just kept creating alternate identities until I finally got the one I wanted.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
You're Zorro?!?
Swashbuckler, rogue and undeniably suave.
[ November 10, 2003, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: Godric ]
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
So, be honest - what does my new nightclubbing outfit make me look like?
I could feel it for a while, but then it went away suddenly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you feel the love?
That is grounds for a sexual harrasment lawsuit.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
If football players can spack butts after a good play why can't we do it after a good department meeting?
That's gonna leave a bright red mark.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
What do you think of my choice of Sharpie (TM) pens?
It won't play in the provinces...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Montreal is for invading New Hampshire. The US won't miss it until next fall. Can we get the rest of Canada to play along?
We only notice it when the leaves turn color.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it hard having a color-blind admissions policy?
I was hoping to weed you out long before now.
Posted by pajeba (Member # 5656) on :
Why have you been following me around with that trowel and a spray-bottle of Weed-B-Gon???
It was fully 3 feet off the ground.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hey, did you see that little dog walking around on one leg?
Just let go of the cat!
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Don't you think I'm the strangest terrorist you've ever negotiated with?
I can dress myself too!
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Will that be enough Turkey for everyone?
Donner Kebabs are compellingly delicious.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Look, either you eat him, or you'll starve and we're going to eat you!
Again! Only this time, use lighter fluid!
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
So - who wants another Flaming Lamborghini?
I just need to know if you have the same feelings for me.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Why are you picking my nose?
That was the special yesterday.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What!? Leftover Donner, again???
It was in the Alferd E. Packer Memorial Diner.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If it wasn't Ms. Scarlet in the LIBRARY with the monkey wrench, where was it?
It was Colonel Mustard in the Dinning Room with the Donner Party.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
The mustard thread seems to have dropped off the first page. Did someone EAT it?
Not too spicy, and not too sweet.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The Mustart thread died after my Dijon Vu joke. What did you think of the joke?
I remember eating that mustard before.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Wasn't it made with magic mushrooms and ground mustard seed and they marketed it as French's Yellow and Blue and Green and Red and Whooooah Duuuude Look At All the Colors Mustard?
Ohhhh, a condom, I thought you said condiments. My mistake.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Why is this packet so cold like it just came from the fridge?
Actually, make that a Shirwarma Kebab.
Posted by wieczorek (Member # 5565) on :
So... you wanna three burner stainless steel machine using 25% less gas than the leading competitor of gas kebab grills? They've been given the Comrade Lover of the Year award for not creating methane gas.
It's a composition of Spanish, Slav, and Latin.
[ November 13, 2003, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: wieczorek ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What the heck is Pole Slaw anyway?
I say we just make it all one large country and have done with it
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can we come up with a way to eliminate geography, social studies, and political science so we can add classes playing the lottery and watching TV?
Just a little dark this morning, I guess.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What kind of meat do you want in your Pre-Thanksgiving Turkey Cereal?
Sing the Turkey song.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do I have to do to score an invite to your place for Thanksgiving?
It was gobbled up.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What happened to your pet turkey?
That's a sad, but surprisingly delicious, story.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's surprising about the Donner party's flock of turkeys surviving the winter?
There wasn't any stuffing.
[ November 14, 2003, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Why is this Turkey filled with Froot Loops?
Don't tell me, the rats have escaped.
Posted by wieczorek (Member # 5565) on :
Who could be so carless as to spill chocolate raisins on the floor ?!?!?!
He was the only one who could've understood, really.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Why are you getting psychic advice from Al Gore?
Don't cry, there's lots of fish in the sea.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it fair that I was arrested for shoplifting a can of tuna...and killing the clerk?
Yo! Vinnie!
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
What is a good name to give your doberman pincer if you want an unfair advantage in a Mafia game?
I hope I got that right.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you think the right to freedom is more important than an expectation of safety?
It depends on who's doing the anarchy.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Should the U.S. split into a variety of government types?
Oh, they're revolting again. Let's hope they don't make a racket and keep us up all night.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What is that horrible smell?
It was the dog.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Are you sure it wasn't you that farted?
Six snakes sat silently sunning.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you a parsel-mouth?
Enough of your hissssstrionics!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So your car's tires were talking to you again? What did they say this time?
Well, I did just save 15% on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
What is your greatest accomplishment?
Once I ran all the way to the bathroom but still wet myself.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was your most exciting Saturday night?
You need to buy a life.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
I need the most basic computer you have, so I can take it apart and completely reprogram it to sing the time to me in Greek every hour and to predict how seldom I can get away without changing my socks or brushing my teeth, as that takes time away from my chess playing and Star Trek marathons. What would you suggest?
Well, there's always that blue one over there...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I've been looking for a boyfriend, but no one wants to date me. What should I do?
Be vewwwy quiet. We'we hunting wabbits!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
HEY! WHAT'RE YOU GUYS DOING?
I have the strength of ten men.
Posted by butterfly (Member # 5898) on :
what makes you think you can take the stuffed animal from that one year old?
of course, right after i cut the vegetables.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Will the potion be ready soon?
Pickled eye of newt, one dog hair and some jalapeno jelly.
[ November 17, 2003, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Find anything interesting when you cleaned out the sofa?
One singular sensation.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What is it that drives Papa Moose nuts?
Well, we can't just let it sit there.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Shall we hijack this thread to Toledo or what?
Toledo Ohio, or Gdansk. Either is fine.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Where do you suggest we hold the anual squirl rancher convention?
It was the bushy tail that caught my eye.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So how did you know which one was your exwife if they were all wearing hats?
Well, you know what they say, hardy har har!
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
I have one hardy here, but I'm not sure what to add to it. What would you suggest?
Does it come in beige?
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
If you order now we'll throw in a three year supply of pancakes, five BMWs, a shiny new wrist watch, and a kitchen whisk. What more could you ask for?
Well, okay. But only because it's in a 333-pack.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you spare a beer?
A hundred is not enough and one is too many.
Posted by skrika03 (Member # 5930) on :
Why did you eat all the pudding cups?
If only it were that simple.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you believe in love at first sight?
It's a global conspiracy of nothing.
[ November 21, 2003, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by skrika03 (Member # 5930) on :
If there's anything worse than a global conspiracy of soapy cheese, what would it be?
I prefer mine inside out.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where do you want the anti-submarine mine?
That was a to-go order.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
So where the hell am I supposed to get a cynical yet sweet counterculural talking turtle to bring you your burger and fries?
This is what clowns eat.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
What is that stuck on the bottom of your shoe?
That's why I don't chew gum.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you blow bubbles as a kid?
Bubbles said to say Hi!
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Have you got a message you'd like me to pass on to Michael?
But in most states, they can't do that without a warrant.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
The police can do the same things as your doctor does when they search you, right?
Look, I'm not going to a doctor with pictures of ducks on his walls. (this is why I always felt nervous with my old doctor)
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Have you ever gone to Dr. MacDonald?
He used to be a carrot.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why won't you have Dr. Galacawicz do your vasectomy?
Because it's totally improbable that she would want an 8 foot stuffed replica of Chewbacca!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you keep refusing to set me up on a blind date with your sister?
Finding the tiny sunglasses and white cane was the hardest part.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
How did your "help a blind squirrel" scam work out?
The little bugger kept catching nuts. Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Have you heard the one about aliens taking over a mental hospital?
The Queen was very happy about it.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
How did the royal family react to the jester pantsing you in front of them??
I never said that I wouldn't.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why won't you just keep your shirt on?
Four score and seven quarter pounders ago.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Abraham Lincoln's great-great-great-grandson said what when he went to McDonald's?
The tree was dead, so I figured what the hey!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You didn't just turn the font of all knowledge of good and evil into 2x4s did you?
Besides, I tripped over its roots.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
You didn't rip out that bush just because it "looked at you funny" did you?
Well, I guess all we need is a fan and it'll be ready.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is your website for T_Smith-obsessed people ready yet?
Origami for cars.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
What's with these steel sheets?
Well, it just wrapped those around him and tied on a bow like a steel Christmas present.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
So what happened with the robotic squid?
The designers went on strike after that.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
So, you took the bicottis and chai from the company cafe--then what happened?
Big and scary.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Black Mage, what do you look like?
I'd rather not think about it.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Imagine my face. . .imagine every feature with perfect clarity. . .
It spoke to something deep inside me. Possibly my spleen.
edit:spelling
[ November 22, 2003, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: Black Mage ]
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Did you swallow the microphone?
I nearly choked on it, too.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
IS it true you had to eat crow?
I've seen a horse fly!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What makes you think it might be possible that santa really does drive a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer?
I'm sure Richard P. Feynman would have something to say about that!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Do you know who this Richard P. Feynman is?
Yum... Grape Nuts.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you know many parts of a tree are edible?
Sshhh! Euel Gibbons is stalking another wild asparagus.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
[shouting]SO, WHAT'S NEW AROUND HERE?[/shouting]
Um... no comment.
[ November 23, 2003, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: Julie ]
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
So how many smilies do you use on a regular basis?
Well sure they're annoying, but it could be worse.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
How would you describe Marek and Raia's hug-and-kiss obsessions?
Wooden zebras.
Posted by butterfly (Member # 5898) on :
What's going to be the theme of your living room this year?
A camel and a bunch of sand.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What are you looking for in a boyfriend?
I say if you're going to do it, you might as well go all out.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Just because I like to sing show tunes, why are you making me dress like Liza Minelli?
You're Out!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Has anyone seen my pack of gum?
Flowers... on the ceiling... wow.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
God: We thought that heaven was a bit boring, so we decided to jazz it up a bit. Fun, eh?
Not with those, you dont!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
OK, I'm just going to make the incision right here... what's wrong?
Hatracker... hacker... they're almost the same word!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you steal my account password?
I wanted to get into Hufflepuff.com anonamously.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why'd you change your name to nevar_naD?
Because I didn't realize how painful it would be.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Edit:Stupid Forum glytch
Why did you pierce your... um... that area?
Perhaps I should read this more often, if people are mentioning me in it.
(please have fun with that one )
[ November 26, 2003, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
So, have you heard about that new website devoted to guys dressing like girls?
That's something I definately don't want to see.
Posted by wordman (Member # 1307) on :
Anyone for Gigli?
Well, it's stuck now.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Were you putting you fist in your mouth again?
Don't touch that! You don't know where it's been!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Oh, yuck, I got a homosexuality thread stuck on my coat. How do I get rid of it?
I almost said something sure to end up in the mis-quote thread.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What would you do if you found a rabid racoon in your bedroom closet?
Mmmmmm... pie.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was the music industry exec's response to Don McLean's song?
Light and flakey!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you think of Bob?
Here, kitty, kitty.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What did you teach your bird to say now?
Mine says "What, Birdie?".
[ November 27, 2003, 08:41 AM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Hey, talking watches! What does yours say?
I raised the roof.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
I heard you Amish had a wild barn-raising party. What did you do?
Big blue cats with glowing grey eyes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you have for Thanksgiving DInner?
It tastes better the next day.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did you just do what I think you did with your gum?
Pumpkin and lemon meringue, yum.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
What is all over your face?!
Whatever it is, it doesn't smell very good.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you want a sandwich made of this blue stuff with glowing grey orbs I found in the fridge next to the yams?
I guess we could mend it with a needle and thread.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Houston this is shuttle One Niner Five. We are begining our entry into the atmsophere. OH NO. Our entire heat shield just came loose. Houston, what should we do?
Get a tan, man.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Do you think anyone can tell that I'm a vampire?
Gotta love those yams with marshmallows!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What were Caleb's last words as we polished off the leftovers from Kayla's Thanksgiving feast?
Don't make me laugh.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So do you think Bush will get re-elected?
I guess it could be worse... though I can't quite imagine how.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Seeing as how this thread hasn't had a funny exchange in a couple million pages, don't you think it's time we put it to sleep?
I guess I'm just perverse.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Why do you only ever recite one stanza of a poem?
C'mon, that was funny.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So why did you kill that guy and then smear pudding on his head?
I dunno, it's a little windy out.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
quote: How would you describe Marek and Raia's hug-and-kiss obsessions?
Hehe, wow, you're lucky I came in here at all, I left this thread a long time ago... but I think I'm back now
Sorry, back on topic...
What say we run around outside in our bathrobes?
If I do that, I'll turn green.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Should we do the Party Smilie for Raia's return?
No more smileys.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Do you want to tell me about your nightmare, Dan_raven?
Stop it!! Right now!!!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Is that enough?
Tee-hee! Oh now I get it!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
You see, "bar," has two meanings, so you see, if the man walked into the bar, and said "ouch," then it must be that it was the SOLID kind, not the kind where they serve you drinks.
You really are just out annoy me. I knew it.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Why didn't you ask a question?
Whoops!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
I think that's quite enough... or are you generally in the habit of "decorating" your living room rug with red wine?
You fool. It is MINE!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this the last post thread?
It is now.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Is this where you sign up to host HatrackCon?
Chicken.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's that flat thing there in the middle of the road?
Don't touch those feathers!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Wow! Does this headress mean you're the chief of this reservation?
Fine... but only because I have to.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to breathe some air?
Moore. Roger Moore.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Who is that guy talking about?
Fire!!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I'm on the phone, so stop poking me already! Just what is so important, anyway?
Not in my backyard, you don't.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Hi. Mind if I let my dog sniff around a bit?
Because the frisbee is on the roof
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why does Frisco think his frisbeetarianism religion is going to fail?
Elk and frito's... ya, that sounds about right.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you like my special Hatrack Thanksgiving Dinner?
Could use a little salt. Yeah, that and some flavor.
[ December 01, 2003, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Licking your wounds again?
Just another band-aid solution.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
How did you do such a beautiful jobbing setting that million dollar diamond into the wedding ring?
I prefer to use chewing gum myself.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
What do you think of all those movie stars using double-sided tape to keep their clothes on?
Peanut butter will do the trick.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Oh man, I got jam on my sandwich. That's gonna stain.
This is just something I like to call bifocals.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Dude, are you blind?
No, but I am a little deaf.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What time is it?
It was on a moonlit night, near a river.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*laughing hysterically* So will you tell us again about that time you and your boyfriend fell off the hood of the car into the dirt?!
It's highly unlikely that anyone's head is that size.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
Is that a phylactery or a hip flask?
I said fold, not foaled!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Saddle up?
I just can't tackle that today.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Would you rather play football or go fishing?
Get out your lures and bobbers.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
[ December 09, 2003, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: human_2.0 ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
For the love of all that is good and holy, WHAT are you eating?
A little coffee, some sugar, and lots of milk.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How can I insult a Mormon, a Diabetic, and a Vegan simultaneously?
I didn't know Vegans ate candy.
[ December 09, 2003, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :
Did you hear about the free trip I won to Vega? The starship cruiser lines are giving away tickets for some reason.
Sorry...I'm not really big on vacations.
[ December 09, 2003, 07:52 AM: Message edited by: Maccabeus ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you ready for your sentencing?
Running concurrently.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What would you call Janklow's re-election campaign?
Once you start running, you just can't stop.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What makes you think the treadmill is broken?
Row, row, row your boat.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Do you know what the commies ( ) were singing when the Titanic went down?
It's a myth, something they tell you about to comfort you. But this elusive creature you're always hearing about, it's not real.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why is that gum up there?!
Looks like a wedge.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is this some really hard cheese, or a doorstop?
I'm pretty sure that's your underwear up on that flagpole.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
I have a really odd shaped bruise on my leg - do you remember where I ended up after the office party?
Photocopiers are not toys.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
No...turn it that way. Can't you tell that it's my butt??
Unfortunately they didn't let him keep the red fuzzy one.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
I can't believe that he dyed then swallowed those poor gerbils whole. At least they're still alive. I hope the sugery wasn't that bad.
I guess there is a price for everything, even love.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
So, Johnny, that's 1000 for the night and 50 for the kinky stuff, okay?
I got a discount.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Some people marry for the house and jewelry, and some sell their bodies for dimes. What were you charged for you time?
I heard that on the radio.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did video really kill the radio star?
Better than hearing it on the grape vine.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you walking around with two tin cups and a string?
Fidelity is the key.
Posted by Grasshopper (Member # 1055) on :
How do I know which speakers I should buy?
Apples and oranges.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Oooh, is that the new 'skin' mag?
Very appealing.
Posted by Grasshopper (Member # 1055) on :
What do you think of Michael Jackson's latest plastic surgery?
It's not all bad.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ewww! You aren't eating that rotted meat, are you?
It's beef, jerky!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why are you chewing on a leather belt?
Whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What was Major Tom doing when he was floating weightless and singing "coming coming home"?
A ray gun and a space suit.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What gave away the fact that the strange man in your living room wasn't Santa Claus?
It must have been the Ho, Ho, Ho's.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wow, who do you think would have brought all these presents AND weeded my garden?
Only in the southern hemisphere.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Do you think his hair is thinning?
The purple one with yellow polka-dots.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Overheard at a 3rd grade performance of The Enchanted Forest: "So, which magic mushroom is yours?"
I think I ate the wrong end.
Posted by Grasshopper (Member # 1055) on :
Did you get one of those cool pencils with the candy erasers?
Not if you paid me.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Hey, wanna see how much dissing it takes to get Ralphie mad?
I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!
Posted by Grasshopper (Member # 1055) on :
We were just wondering when we might see the $50 pledge you made to the Firemen's Association?
About 2,000 B.C.E.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
When was this thread started?
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you tell us how Smokey got his name?
That was a shaggy dog story if I ever heard one.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you here Tim Allen wants to remake "The Shaggy DA"?
I found this thread on page 6.
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
How far did Bill get before Monica came in?
I didn't mean to hit record!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why was the tape of some stupid cartoon such a shock for you to find?
Ack ack a dack, dack dack a ack.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
How did that tune go again?
Play it again, Sam.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Anyone up for a rousing game of tag?
Always pass on your chainmail underwear.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did you want me to hang your wet things on the radiator?
One potato, two potato, three potato, four.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What did he say while serving the mashed potatos was so annoying anyway?
Because I like haveing fangs, that's why.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Count, can you give me one good reason not to pull that nasty tooth?
Over the river and through the woods.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
WHERE DID THE MONSTERS GO?
If I were a rich man.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would you sing if you had a sex change , aged a few years, and then were forced to move out of Russia?
Matchmaker, matchmaker.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Who is the little match-girl looking for?
But it's cold outside.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What's wrong, I thought you said you liked to swim?
I might be Russian. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why are you in such a hurry?
Stop and smell the roses.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would you do if you were reincarnated as a bee?
Hi honey, I'm home.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did the drone say to his B E A utiful queen?
Who's been sitting on my chair?
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Is that Chewbacca fur on your butt?
NO! It's the yellow one on the LEFT!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
There. I trashed your ex's Camaro.
I feel the need for speed.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Why don't you just stop doing drugs?
The pretty colors floating around!
Posted by Rudolph (Member # 3236) on :
What's your favorite color?
The Daily Sideburn Report!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What is your most important reason to get out of bed in the morning?
Well, it didn't help the plot development very much.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What was wrong with there being a nude scene?
I am the king of my head, at least most days I am.
Posted by Rudolph (Member # 3236) on :
What right did you have to shave your sideburns off??
BEGGING THE DOG'S NAME GAME QUESTION (a game)
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What is the most confuseing thread title you saw today?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Come on, you know this... what did the little piggy say all the way home?
If you do that again, I will kill you.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
Now tell me honestly, what did you think of my singing?
Crazy orange fish!
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
So you say a snackfood attacked you? What kind?
Blue moon new shoe do two you.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Can you name some of the highlights from the "Sybil" wedding?
On any given Sunday.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you like toppings on your free ice cream?
It's a dessert joke.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How many plumbers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Crack mechanics unite!
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What was on the shirt of the guy who seemed to be working on cars really fast?
So you should take a flashlight with you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You say the world will end tonight?
The best way to get people to believe a lie is to start with a kernel of truth.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You're God's only begotten daughter?
We all have our cross to bear.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you undressing your Crucifix Jesus action figure?
I don't think he's wearing any panties.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why is that action figure called Commando Frisco?
Get that image out of my head, now!
Posted by Julian Delphiki Jr. (Member # 5882) on :
Was that a dead deer on the side of the road?
Since April of 2002.
-W-
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
How long has it been since you filed a tax return?
Sikh and you shall find.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Was that a Dobie or just another Punjab reference?
The "brooding despot" look is sooooooo 20 years ago!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Would you please tell us, in your own words, exactly why you think Saddam Hussein needed to be captured?
The daughter of the Forest has spoken!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the news from the Ent Moot?
Shave the tree's beard.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What do you intend to do with that chainsaw and two gallons of shaving chreme?
A very happy puppy. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Is there any upside to the huge mess you found all over your house when you got home?
*hic* Happy New . . . um . . .
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
How could you? It's Easter, and you're PLASTERED. What have you got to say??
Ha! And it's GREEN!
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
Are you sure you can tell wether that light is red or green with those strange glasses? I mean you don't usually where a red scarf.
Now we have to find a way to buy another super power for you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Care to slip another kryptonite rod in?
It all happened in a moment of weakness.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Wow. Twins?
I couldn't just leave her there in the styrofoam!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you help your mother unpack?
Mostly we just played with the peanuts.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you enjoy "Pecan with Ecstacy"?
It was very difficult not turning this into a Micheal Jackson/ Sweat Pea joke.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What did the aging man say to the toddler?
I yam what I yam and thats all that I yam.
[ January 01, 2004, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: Yebor1 ]
Posted by Julian Delphiki Jr. (Member # 5882) on :
I was going to go for the obvious, "are you a homosexual?" but decided against it. Aw, what the hey!
Are you a homosexual?
I'll gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today.
-W-
Posted by Rudolph (Member # 3236) on :
Do you want fires with that?
Halo 2.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
What game do you think you left here, and how many more times will you call me before 6am today if I check for it now?
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was your bodies reaction to the invisibility serum?
I didn't see it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey Dan, did you see it when every single woman on Hatrack made a pass at me?
Fumbled on the one yard line.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, what made you decide to leave the Dallas Cowboys and become an obstetrician?
Just be glad it isn't slippery.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Five days and no one plays?
Guess I'll have to play with myself.... ;(
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What would you say if you wanted to disappoint Papa Moose and make it into the Out of Context thread?
Please sir, may I have some more?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
This spanking if for bad Rivka's who ask questions when they are supposed to write statements. What do you say to Mr. Paddle?
Hello Mr. Paddle.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh, this is too funny! Is your name actually Mr. Piddle?
Too much green.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you end up saying when you try to be witty before you've had your coffee and your eyes are still part-way closed?
It made sense when I wrote it!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
"Roman picnic for nefarious fur-traders. More at eleven." Are these your notes from class?
Four times in a row.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How often have I beaten you at everything?
Not often enough, apparently.
Posted by flyby (Member # 3630) on :
How many times can I get hit in the head without getting a bruise?
It wasn't me, it was the monkey.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Um...did you just fling feces at me?
Now I'm pissed.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you know that we let the Begging the Question thread fall to page 5?!?!?!
I had to keep him from planting those daffodils.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
"Lady, over there, near the roses. Could yuo tell me why is there a knife protruding from that man's forehead?"
Now, now, I'm all for creativity, but the stapler was never meant to be used for that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Look, we ran out of sutures again -- what was I supposed to do?
Yes, but you used up a whole roll of duct tape.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Hey, look! I don't need a band-aid anymore!
Yeah, but you're not breathing, either.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What did the dead guy say to the wool sweater?
I think this makes sense, but I'm might have my fabrics confused.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that chain-mesh underwear under your kilt?
Whatever blows your skirt up.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
TNT or C4. Which would make the better Anklet?
Thats one way to put you foot in your mouth.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you just turn my prosthetic into toothpicks?
I've got a bone to pick with you.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
What did the Lady of the evening say to the contortionist?
No thank, I just ate.
Bob beat me to it, but I"m going to leave my response anyway.
[ January 20, 2004, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Belle ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Wouldn't you like to take home a kitten?
Tackiness is my forte.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did you really order an entire case of glue?
Goes with the 10,000 sequins.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hon, why'd you just dunk me in a vat of hot tar?
He was turned into a pillar of schmaltz.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How do you know that the angel who smited him had a hearing problem?
After that he only issued written commands.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What happened after you proved to the General that he had a voice like an annoying lap dog?
It helped that he was an annoying lap dog.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that your cousin finally got a date?
The puppy-dog eyes do it every time.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You got kicked out of the dead-cat dissection in Biology again?
He's a mixed breed.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So why are she and Wilbur so afraid to have children??
(I'm not going to let this thread die!)
I heard it was exceptionally unpleasant.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did she really make a castor oil cake?
It's an acquired taste.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Ew, is that tofu in that Jell-O salad?
She will still ignore you.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
What if I bring a really cute puppy dog?
Ok... but only if you promise it won't blow up in my face this time.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Hey Julie! Wanna help me build an atom bomb?
If you add just one more, I swear that thing will collapse.
Posted by Liquor and Fireworks (Member # 5785) on :
I'm gonna go post in the last post thread.
Some people, not me, personally, but some people, pay good money for that.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Did you hear about the new cosmetic tool that pops pimples?
Yeah, that's kinda gross.
Posted by Liquor and Fireworks (Member # 5785) on :
I one time tried urinating in the dark, and succeeded in not missing! Should I not have shared that with you?
Oh sure, in the heat of battle it's applauded, but when you do it because you're angry, you could be ostracized.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Eeew... Did you just cut that man's arm off and then lick the blood?
And that's why I don't like staplers.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Did you hear about the businessman who died a horrible, painful, unexpected death in his office?
I knew that would happen! I just KNEW it!
(edit: MidnightBlue, welcome to Hatrack! )
[ January 25, 2004, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: Raia ]
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Would you believe that whole situation blew up in my face?
That's why you're supposed to make sure you put the letter in the envelope before you seal it.
(edit: I'm not new, my post count was just getting too high. Thanks, though. )
[ January 25, 2004, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: MidnightBlue ]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you think he'll be able to read the little bits that I was able to fit into this hole in the seal?
Nine planets.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I heard you are a lot happier now that you've put some distance between you and your parents. How far away are they anyway?
Well, mom's in her own little universe.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How can she not know what her sign is?
You were supposed to stop back there.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
What did Thelma say to Louise at the end of the movie?
That could be why I don't like you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Is it my body odor that can wilt an oak tree in January?
That is a stinky question.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
What did the pig say to the skunk?
We've... hoom... decided... hoom... that you aren't golbins... hoom.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you translated the DaVinci Code. What does it really say?
That makes less sense than T_Smith on a bad day.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Dan_raven just said "That is a stinky question." out of the blue. What do you think of that?
Whoops, sorry, I wasn't referring to those cheeks.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You want a tattoo of Osama Bin Laden applied to your face?
Just sit on it.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
what am I suppose to do with such a large posterior?
buy an air freshner, Please.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you mean, "but we don't have a dog"?
Here, kitty, kitty.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Meow?
That makes about as much sense as diet vanilla coke.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why did the chicken cross the road?
If I have told you once I have told You A hundred times.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Does this post make me look fat?
Only from behind.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Does this skirt make my butt look big?
(you were planning that one Bob, I can tell!!)
He ran like an idiot for an hour and then finally fell down and took a nap.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
So whatever came of that bone-helmet for dogs you came up with?
Psh, I bet that half of America also prefers Pepsi to Coke.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Did you know that in the year 2001 there were over 1,000,000 new Coke users in the US?
Yes, but what I'm really worried about is McDonald's.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did you hear old Jamison lost his farm?
Everywhere a moo, moo.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's wrong with you? Aren't you gonna do anything? Can't you see that the cows have opened the gate themselves and are wandering all over the farm??
That will be the death of me.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
So, how is that Hydrogen bomb project you're doing in in your basement going?
It's a gas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of my CD of Beethoven played via sampled flatulence?
The music is great, the instruments stink.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Hey listen- I can play jingle bells in my armpit!
It has been clinically proven to drive people insane.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best thing about reality TV?
The end.
[ February 06, 2004, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What is NEVER allowed to happen on Hatrack?
Begin at the very beginning, a very fine place to start.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
I'm stuck in the middle of the beginning of the end -- what should I do?
Oh no! It's a leap year!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Don;t you think a three-week vacation in Calaveras County will be a bit boring?
But you might have to kiss a few frogs.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are the requirements for your endagnered amphibian repopulation internship?
I did not make a joke about French kissing.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you've been working on a foreign tongue?
Lost in translation.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
If life and the universe is all just God's big cosmic joke, then where is the punchline?
I'm trying to be serious for a minute.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Hey, Dogstar, why the glum face?
It might help if you didn;t have the big shoes and red nose.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why does my life seem like a never-ending stream of cream pies to the face?
Oh well. Free pie.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I'm afraid we can't pay much, but we do offer all the free mathematical constant's you can handle. Want the job?
I prefer irrational numbers.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Can you believe that number ten? He just told me to jump off a cliff because my life has meaning!
No, no, scissors were never meant for that.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you hear that Eddie has decided to do the entire Boston marathon while juggling 4 pairs of dressmaker;s shears this year?
Looks like a pincushion to me.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's that at the end of the bowling alley?
I'm doing the alley cat strut.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are you making that horrible whining noise?
Then the steering wheel popped off.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What happened right after the Texan yelled "hey y'all, watch this?"
We're just cleaning the gene pool.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Excuse me! What do you plan to do with the baseball bat??
I suppose, but she'll never let you forget it!!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
D'you think celia would mind if I employed her evil services for money?
Depends on what you wanted to do...
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you think my wife will forgive me for shaving her dog? (edited because I'm slow.)
When an eel comes out, and bites off your spout, then you will know it's a moray.
[ March 06, 2004, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you sing that song by Dean Marlin?
I think you meant Joe Pesci.
[ March 02, 2004, 01:58 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wasn't it Bob Scopatz who was in all those Lethal Weapon movies with Mel Gibson?
You didn't have to make it so hard, you know.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
You learn more from failure than success, that's why.
Where did you get those shoes?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you always answer a question with a question?
At least it worked this time.
fallow:
You got it backwards...
you ask the question that's answered in the preceding post, THEN make a declarative statement for the next person to ask a question for.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
I'm dyspeptic, anyone got an antacid?
That's EXACTLY what I thought you would say (after careful review of my question).
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Can you guess what I am going to say before I say it?
Never after 7.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Like the "i" before or after the "e", the number 11 never knew it's place. "Do I come before or...?"
He lifted it, then he setted it down.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
When Clinton felt something moving under his sheets, he...?
I made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
[ March 07, 2004, 02:01 AM: Message edited by: HRE ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I have been trying to get Bobby to go to sleep for hours -- what did you say to make him finally listen?
I'll hang you up by your toenails.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
You liked the irridescent blue, what if I paint them pink?
She had 10 of them.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did your mom like the carolers we sent at Christmas?
Very saucy.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
How do you like Dana best?
Well if I stop, I'll go blind.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So then I said "Yeah, and it could permanently damage my vital organs!" and she bought it! What's your pathetic plea to your girlfriend?
Oooh. Naughty.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
What is my nickname on HWYF and S-W?
Trout of North America
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Why go fish in Chile?
"They were succulent. Absolutely, beyond compare."
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
So what did you think of the fries Beeblebrox?
So then I said, "Shaken, not stirred."
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what did you say to the stripper?
Go get the paint off the wall.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did Picasso's mother say to him when he was little.
That doesn't look like me.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Hey, does your profile show 14,000 posts?!
It wasn't me! Really!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
Last time, it was with a police officer.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Um, did you know there's a firefighter nestled between the tires of your truck?
A quarter.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
You did what? With who? For how much?
Twenty-two gumdrops.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What should I eat right after I have all my teeth pulled?
It just makes it harder to chew.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
Hey Fred, what do you think will happen if I stick this copperhead in my mouth?
One funnel, two clipboards, and a flashlight.
Posted by angelily (Member # 6298) on :
Professor, what should I bring to class on final day?
Cans of cream of mushroom soup and a large pot.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
What did you use to make this mortar? It holds up so well!
January 15, 1988
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
When's the last time I asked this question?
Pizza on ice cream.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Where's that club you were telling me about?
This bit of ash came from Mt. St. Helens.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Hey Doug, where did you say you picked up that chick?
Like, totally no. Freak.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Would you care to examine my teeth?
It took a LOT of glue.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
How on earth did you manage to build a life-size replica of the Golden Gate bridge out of toothpicks?
Not until we reach infinity.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Can we pull over for a bathroom break?
SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
If you have pie with ice cream, which do you prefer?
If only I'd remember to take the pill before.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, is the Viagra working well for you?
Digging, digging, digging all day long.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I hear you have a miner problem...what is it?
By the shovelful.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
How do you like your lemmings?
Like Lemmings running through the Sahara.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
It was like, it was like one of those bad dreams... like a nightmare where you howl outloud. Bodies piled on bodies, cavorting and competing. Flesh roughing flesh, cranium snubbing cranium, for scarce ideas in a rigorous romp through an acid swamp, or like ?
This lemon won't run.
[ March 18, 2004, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hmm, and I assumed that ketchup would've lost the condiment race. How come it didn't come in last?
Ah, the taste of victory!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Mr. Donner, what do you remember most of your cannibalism race?
Try as hard as I could, that just won't make any sense.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Would you prefer Lemmings in your tea, or lemons rushing to the sea?
You can hear the ocean in it.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
What does it sound like when you put your ear to a box of starving lemmings?
A dingo plopped down next to me.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
Why did all the lemmings run away from you?
The only way to answer that is with a swift kick to the groin!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
dude, that was one hell of a wipe-out, what did it feel like?
She put the paper on the table and she walked away without a word.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
Oh good honey! You finally learned to fetch the paper like our dog Spot!
Dear Lord! It's a flesh eating purple tounged mongoose of Madagascar!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What's that you've got there dear?
She paused at the door Cast a glance toward the floor Strained as she stretched to latch buckle cross bridge Looked up at you truly and hollered "What are you looking for in that fridge?"
[ March 19, 2004, 12:42 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
Next, a reading from "Poetry of the Icebox: the Joys of Food"
Well, thats just onomatopoetic
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What did the washing machine say to the bootleg copy of Yoko's film in the pocket of Bob's jeans?
Ants were crawling all across the countertop.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
you know? maybe we shouldn't juggle Ant Farms in the kitchen...
ahhh, nice beaver,, such lovely fur you hav... oh god! no no!! it's got my leg!! Awww!,, it's knawing on my kneecap,, Arghhh!!!
edit: spelling
[ March 19, 2004, 01:27 AM: Message edited by: kinglear ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wanna see what I got in this box?
Well, it might make a good hat.
[ March 19, 2004, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What should be done with all of Hatrack's fluff?
Makes a great pillow!
Posted by Mike (Member # 55) on :
What's the best part about having a pet hedgehog?
Oh brother, it's that Bobby Jones kid again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Mind if I play through?
Fore!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Quick! What's the square root of 16?
Ooooh, I hate that Pythagoreas!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey, Pyth is having an Orgie. Wanna join us?
That was really supposed to be an Ogre, honest.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
So, Harry Potter slays a giant flesh eating pixie in the next book?
Thats cause it's more aerodynamic.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why do you have Madonna's bra on your head?
I gave it a cookie, but it bit me anyway.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
So, you're saying the blue furry guy from sesame street attacked you?
Easy, It's hairless!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
How does your rubber suit help you harvest velcro?
Lemme tell you...(hic)...they don't make tuna like they used to.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are doing in that can?
Packed in like sardines.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Like, woa dude, you reek. How'd you get yourself, like, shipped here anyway man?
Dude speak rocks.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I must have heard you wrong. What was that again?
OK, but I want my objection noted in the records.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
No, I think i'll allow the defendant to pretend to stab your client with a real knife.
questions will be asked..AND THEN DESTROYED...by answers.
[ March 22, 2004, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
What is the dumbest line ever created by the cool guys on Williams Street over at Adult Swim?
Rubber pants, polka-dot spandex, and a gerbil the size of Manhattan.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
Can you describe the suspect, Mr. Lemming?
When the Lemmings stick to the wall.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
When will we wish for the good old days of stupid human tricks?
All I had to do was change one character in the code.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
I understand the alteration was fairly minor?
Shorelock glanced about the factory floor as though searching for a missing bearing or two.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
Excuse me I'm lost, can you help me find my way?
It was like a garden gnome on crack!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
I was standing there with the garage door open.... about to turn on the spigots, when this thing goes tearing through my yard!
"What the hell was that?!" I exclaimed.
"What was what, Dad?" the kids asked, turning away from the TV to witness their father in his robe swearing at the top of his lungs.
This embroidery says Nupont.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What about the sweater makes you think that Gramma's sight is going?
But it's so small!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*kshawwww*
"I know! You can barely make it out!"!
*pshawwww*
"I thought it was a myth?"
*Shorelock does a full 180 to gaze at his lumbering partner*
"Myth?"
*Rivka swings into view, full-force, with a pack of cheetos she smashes into Shorelock's .... mmm... head-globe thingie*
*Shorelock tilts to one side, torquing the robot arm."
"It only looks small from 23K feet, dear."
23!
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
How many times did I have to read Fallow's post to realize that I had no clue what Fallow was talking about?
3 pounds of catgut.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What did you have for lunch, Mr. Lemming?
I seem to have lost my nose...
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
There's something different about your face--what is it?
It's just my peppermint-striped contact lenses.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
I'm having a sudden urge to lick your eyeballs.
That's what I said!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So why didn't he just turn it on the thing and let it hang over the whatchamacallit?
No, I said "hand me the hammer."
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you say you wanted one lemming, or two?
There seems to be one floating in my cup here.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why did you ask if I wear a toupee?
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
I won't let that wascally wabbit escape again you hear me!
It tastes like dandruff
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How's the spoo?
Its yummy gooey goodness.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best thing about life?
He's feeling his oats.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What's with that bag your brother's got tied around his waist?
It's called a fannypack.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Have you gained weight?
His cucumber was too squishy.
Posted by shadowmaker (Member # 6155) on :
I heard he had a perfect score in the annual farmer's "cucumber growing contest" except for one point. What was wrong with it?
No, only the kind that blow up when you strap dynamite to them.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Are these the lemmings that explode when you feed 'em ex-lax?
It rubbed the lotion on its back.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
That's one slippery hog!
Why yes, I think I have some right here.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Pardon me...would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?
Try rubbing it on the lemmings.
Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :
What do I do with all this extra mustard?
They're kinda like the A-Team, only the crazy guy is a shriner and Mr. T's character is played by an ear of corn
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what are the characters like in the new A-Team musical?
I wanted to, but he said he only wanted salt.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Why didn't you keep your eyes on the road ahead?
My name is Humphrey.
Posted by pajeba (Member # 5656) on :
Hey there Humpty! How are you doing after that great fall - the horses treating you well?
No, I said tact.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
but, I thought you hated the Gap?
This will do nicely.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
But all I have is the black thong. Oh wait, here is...a...red one?
I hate it when she does that.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
God, can you tell Mother Teresa to stop dropping water balloons on the people in Purgatory?
It's like Hell but without all the fire and eternal damnation.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Should I even bother to try to get to heaven? What's it like?
If only I had some string and a swiss-army knife, then we'd be in buisness!
Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :
Could I fly to the moon with this washing liquid bottle and a fire cracker?
No but spandex works well.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So do you think duct tape would be good to tie up these hostages?
Not unless he's really really ugly.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, should I ask my fiance to wear this bag at the wedding?
She threw it too high and it landed on the roof.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
What happened to Begging the Question?
I leave for a month and it's on page 22!?!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How is that reading machine working?
I don't know...throw some money at it.
Posted by Elphie (Member # 6535) on :
Why's that monkey eying my corndog?
(((ae))) I was just thinking about this thread and wondering how to bring it back..Yea!
It's only here for another 12 days.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why are you going to Krispy Kreme every single night?
I know how you feel, but we'll just have to use the red one.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
I want the blue pill! Why can't I have the BLUE PILL???
It's because of your genetic heritage.
Posted by Elphie (Member # 6535) on :
So why exactly do i like to dance around with drunken llamas?
He's so fluffy that she can't handle it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why's your husband getting a Brazilian wax?!
Because it's unscented.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Why don't the humming birds come to the feeder anymore?
It's made of rose-colored plastic.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I was only trying to help
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are all my clean socks separated into individually numbered bags?
Hang it out on the line and see if it dries.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I just washed Hatrack and can't do a thing with it. Any suggestions?
That's how you get on-line.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why did you just click "Sign On"?
300 bushels a day.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How many mites did your pillow accumulate last week?
But they're so cuuuute!
Posted by Elphie (Member # 6535) on :
I don't think that we should let the kids play with those rabid spongemonkeys.
It's one molecule short of being plastic.
[ May 14, 2004, 10:26 PM: Message edited by: Elphie ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
How would you describe Godzilla's DNA?
Ronald McDonald told me to do it!
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Are you relly going to eat that?
A purple elephant.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
What did you just call my mother?
It's just a figment of our imagination.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
Is that a blue and green tiger?
It's Superman.
Posted by Elphie (Member # 6535) on :
Hey, who's that with Mary Jane...no, it couldn't be..it IS..
All for a little piece of pie.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Didn't one of them see it?
Two men wallked into a bar.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
HOW much of your soul did you sell?
Must be some pretty good stuff, then.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
And do fries come with that?
I'd buy that for a dollar!
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Can you believe she ate it all?
A psychotic penguin.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
What would YOu do for a Klondike Bar?
Good to the last drop.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How did you like the fruit and imported cheese basket I had sent to your office last week?
Don't know...I've been on vacation.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
How much wood could a woochuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
My liver hurts
Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :
Why did you insist on colonics and coffee enemas while drinking nothing but Goat's Milk for a week?
That's because I have a Decoder Ring.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Why do you get all the girls in chain mail underware?
Because the voices told me!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What makes you so sure you're sane?
Here, lie down on this couch and tell me all about it.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
but, but... I thought this was a job interview?
Five years from now I picture myself on a beach.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
So what's with all this fatty food?
The voices in my head are speaking to me, and they don't like you.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
are those earphones really necessary?
my mother was an inventor.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Why are you stareing at me?
4,687
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How many different screen-names does Jon Boy have?
It's like potato chips.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
I thought the answer was always 42?
I wear the cheese; it does not wear me.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*blindfolded*
"umm... it feels kinda like reptile skin? feels like scales? like..."
slough
edit: *lubriderm*
[ May 16, 2004, 12:40 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Just exactly what is in this cheese?
Nacho, nacho man...I want to be a nacho man!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Feeling chipper, are we?
I'm Frito Lay.
edit: cochick, how'd you sneak in here while I was posting. Dangit all!!!!
[ May 16, 2004, 11:09 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :
Have we any cheetos in here?
Will you all stop using Americanisms - they flumux me!
*sorry Bob but I bowed to your superior talent and deleted mine for you*
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Do I make you horny, baby?
Rrrrrruffles have rrrrrrridges.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Can you demonstrate how to pronounce a reish again?
Just for the pun of it.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What'd you have to go and mention halibut for?
Flounder. Definitely flounder.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Did you lobster and never flounder?
Sounds like a fish story to me.
Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :
What would Bokonon do if Ralphie asked him to marry her?
I just couldn't resist!
*sorry Bok*
Edit: little f got there first - doh!
[ May 16, 2004, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: cochick ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Why did you fold? You had a perfectly good hand.
Ante up.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Why are you in black and white, Auntie Em?
Follow the yellow brick road.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
So...great. So here we are talking to some jerk behind a curtain. Now think, what were their exact directions?
We were expecting someone else.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Guess who's coming to dinner?
I had a blast in Sydney.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Sydney is a significant other, right?
Barbi doesn't want shrimp thrown on her. She told me.
[ May 16, 2004, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: littlelf ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
I cut the crustaceans off and she still won't eat?
cracks bare knuckles
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
How can you physically threaten somebody over the internet?
I would have, but I was in the middle of nowhere.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
your hull is covered with 'em! Why didn't you purchase some barnacle-b-gone?
that gave me the shivers, right down to me timbers
edit: to right an omission
[ May 16, 2004, 09:53 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
They're more guidelines, really.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What did you think of The Cider House Rules?
It's my new favorite thing!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
You actually like Walker, Texas Ranger??
Because Wal-Mart doesn't sell it.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why'd you pay so much for that skunk-scented bubble bath?
(Trivial Note: Sheree Wilson on Walker Texas Ranger was born on the same day I was and we went to school together. No, there are no other similarities.)
For every one you see, there's thirty more.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you mean, there are Hatrackers everywhere?
Chicago, that toddling town.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
you left the dog where?!
pork. the other white meat.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
What will they use if silicone implants are banned?
Yes, I believe I would.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
would you like a choclet coverd rat?
Sorry I don't eat six legged animals.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
why haven't you touched your dinner?
SPOOOOOONNNN!!!!
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Who invented the spork?
I saw my first one at KFC when I was seven (although it wasn't called KFC then).
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
You went through kindergarten without having EVER seen a chicken?!
But it's so close!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
How can I drive that far?
dang divets!
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
DO you prefer regular or extra crispy?
It's not a tumor.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
what are you eating, Bob?
half a coconut, grape jelly, and a large iguana.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What items were written on the memo Bush sent to the military officers, that specified the necessary components of waging a war?
If it turns any more green, it'll look like asparagus!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
So my pencil is changing color -- so what?
It kinda grows on you.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
what is this stuff?
at least it's not like that other stuff.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Oh no - it is like this other stuff?!?!?!
I was lying to impress you.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, Corn Pops is not really your favorite cereal????
It was inside this cereal box.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Congratulations on the medal. Where did you find the WMD?
Stick a frame around it, and it will be beautiful.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
Pollock- hey, Pollock! *Jackson Pollock walkes over to his irate art teacher* What the hell is this?
Well, maybe he was having a bad day.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
why did the chiken cross the road?
you can say that again!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hot enough for ya?
Time waits for no man.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What would you tell someone who thought that time was weighing heavy on their hands?
Stop that pounding!
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Man, i've put on a lot of weight lately!
A lemming with a chainsaw.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Who really assassinated JFK?
Blue-Green Algae.
[ May 19, 2004, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: kaioshin00 ]
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What's for lunch?
I'm a yellow parakeet.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Ooh, a reincarnation chart! What are you going to be in your next life?
Only when Mars and Venus are in perfect alignment.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
WILL IT NEVER END!!!!!
a monkey in a jet plane.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Who's your copilot, Mr. Denver?
Everything that has a beginning must have an end.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
What do you mean it should be no shock that the show ended?
This is why we don't let you speak in piblic.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
I've always thought it should be called an "umbrella". "Imbrella" sounds wrong.
We thought you wanted that to happen.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
why did you permute my cue cards?!
I like to call it a "shoe".
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
I wanna go where the people go, I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancing! Running around on their-- what are they called again?
I thought you'd never ask!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why are you wearing socks on your ears?
This may be the last chance.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How often do you plan on landing on Chance?
That depends on what "Chance" has to say about it.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Do you think that hippo on the motorcycle can jump those six buses?
that's not what the lemming told me.
Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :
But I thought JFK was shot?
I've never seen one as big as that before!
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Did you get a look at that sponge monkey?!
Boise, Idaho.
Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :
Where the best place to grow potatoes?
That was illegal last I heard.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
But could you grow spongemonkeys in Idaho?
It's in the sink with the dirty dishes.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Have you seen a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater running around here?
Oh, Canada!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What did Lady Liberty lament when she spied her neighbor to the north?"
nor'easter!
edit: al's literalization
[ May 23, 2004, 03:14 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
We're not getting Good Friday off next year????
*hums* Oh, I'm just a little black rain cloud hovering under your hunny tree...
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Where exactly did you find that bellrope?
Thanks for asking, but nevermind me. How pathetic.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Would you like to get hit in the head with a wiffle bat?
That lemming stole my porche!!!!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Lemmings run off cliffs all the time, it's a fact of nature. What makes you so upset about it this time?
I never even had a chance to say goodbye.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why are you calling me?? I just went outside to get the mail.
But I do like green eggs and spam.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What, you don' like-a my spaghetti?
No, I'm sure it was like that when I got here.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Did you break my vase?
But... but... but I don't like liver and onions!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well, can you think of a better name for an all Vegan alternative hip-hop group?
We are the world.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What did one globe say to another?
You can't tune a fish.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
What do Jessica Simpson and Charlie Tuna have in common?
Sorry, Charlie.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
The name's "Sam", think you can remember that?
I am.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
But, will you eat them on a goat? WIll you eat them on a boat?
It tastes just like chicken!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What's the best part of my Tofu Surprise?
It crumbled into tiny bits.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Are you looking at my bum, or my bits and pieces?
You cheeky monkey!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Did you come here for a wax or just a shave?
If only I could have been a scultper.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
After 25 years as an English teacher, what other profession do you think you might have liked to pursue?
Well, it seemed to have the right number of limbs.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Oh, is that your kid?
Eeeeew! Boogers!
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What's for dinner, dear?
It's about time you got that leak fixed.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
Why isn't it "leave a pee" instead of "take a pee"?
I just wanted a Pepsi.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
Why does that man have a can of Coke stuck up his nose?
If you build it, they will come.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
So, do you really think I should buy one of those lamps that zaps mosquitoes?
Well, there goes another one down the tube!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why do you keep staring at the new mail chute?
Well, that sucks!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What rhymes with "Kell fat ducks!"?
The pencil is mightier!
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
So tell me again, why don't you ever use pens?
And then the spinach ate the tomatoes and I thought the world was going to end!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's so scary about having a dream about chatting with your salad?
Shh, it's ok. Don't worry about it anymore.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
So Grandma, what happened after the big bad Bush destroyed the country back at the turn of the century?
Come on, you know I was just kidding! ...Sort of...
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
You know, you really should not have set grandma on fire.
Only in Alabama.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Where is the center of mass of the universe?
I was only trying to help Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you break my ribs while I was clearing my throat?
That was the Heimlich Manuever, I think.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why'd you turn the TV off so quick, Daddy? What was that man doing to that lady?
Just a bit over the top.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
So... that's your new haircut?
My best friend is the tooth fairy!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where'd you get all the shiny quarters?
Lets just say I earned them the hard way, one quarter at a time.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
You won the race, but what's with your splits?
I left a case in your locker.
Posted by littlelf (Member # 6145) on :
What for you bury me in the cold, cold ground?
You're despicable.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
I seem to have forgotten my name...do you by any chance know it?
I tawt I taw a puddy tat.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
So, what did you think of the body art convention?
Old-school water-colors.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
What medium is the future of porn?
Only three more pages.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What did the unisex hairdresser say to her staff on the eve of the crusades?
the chaff's been separated, mi'lord.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
What did you do to my chaff?!
6 gallons of hot sauce and a funnel, please.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
He's been drinking non-stop for days, and now he's passed out! But we MUST wake him up -- do you have any ideas?
KABOOM!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*knocks on the bathroom door* you alright in there?
These pottery shards presumably originated in an ancient lavatory.
Posted by The Wiggin (Member # 5020) on :
So how did these get the brown caking on them?
I don't want to lick that! You do it.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Come on? Solve the central mystery, tootsie?
pop goes the weasel
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"what's going on down there?"
She put the ticket in her pocket, that's all she wanted.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So I hear you got shagged outside the Harry Connick Jr. concert?
He told me that there were too many chickens.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Do you know why he keeps refusing to cross the street?
Diagonal crosswalks.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
So what's this idea that's going to make you millions?
Yes! Now I can steal it!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Hey Look! The chicken crossed the road!?!?!?!
Oodles of noodles.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
So what exactly do you feed a poodle?
Oompa Loompas, baby!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
how would you summarize your first experience?
purple hazing.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Did you catch the name of that new crayon?
I'll do it for a Scooby Snack.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Would you bark like a dog?
*shakes head* Crazy Americans.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
When somethin's strange, in the neighborhood, who are you going to call?
It was just a bit of fun.
Posted by Rudolph (Member # 3236) on :
why did you play scrabble?
begging the question dog's name game
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Bachelor 1, if we spent the weekend together, what would we do?
Only in Canada.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Is there a single question that I could ask that wouldn't get me in trouble?
Oooooh.... pretty fire!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Can you come up with an answer that there can be no possible question for?
Green eggs and ham.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Don't you clean your refrigerator? What's in that dish?
Bottled water.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Wow, you're taking a lot of suitcases for someone going to NY for a week. What's in the really heavy ones?
Barely visible with the naked eye.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
And the fish was how big?
You told me to do it!!!!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Sorry, gobbler, it's nothing personal. Just policy.
no, I don't think the name Gobblerone is a clever transatlantic marketing strategy!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you think that the name GlobalRun is a clever transatlantic marketing strategy and/or do you have some sort of auditory disorder?
I thought they would bite.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
We're just watching a couple toddlers -- what's with the space-suit gloves?
Pearly whites.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What do you look for in a gift horse?
Strong thighs and new shoes.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
His idea of a perfect mate included what?
Double thick.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What kind of paper bag do you wear on your dates?
Remember the air holes.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
What do you do when you are buried in Swiss cheese?
A Dalmatian puppy and a popsicle.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where'd these wet spots on the floor come from?
It fell into the storm sewer.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
Where'd the dog go?
The best way to put it is , but sometimes will work. In an extreme case, you might want to . The most common one is, of course, .
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
How do you show your appreciation for a great dobie?
The Dead Zone
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
What we call our bathroom.
It was pink and it hurt.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What was it like when the spankmistress left?
Ping pong.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What is the new ESPN 43 channel dedicated to?
Great toads of Saturn Batman!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Whatcha got in the jar, Robin?
Oh, it tasted just like a tadpole.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
So, did you like the chicken?
7-UP FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!! Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
I gotta hit the head, can you order for me?
aye aye, cap'n!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Will you be able to pick out all the little red crunchberries, or would you rather walk the plank?
I only like the square ones.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
What is your favorite geometric shape?
I told him not to try it.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Whaddya think of my peg-leg? I had it lathed.
it made a rich, creamy lather.
edit: oops! goblin, you beat me too it.
[ July 06, 2004, 11:02 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why did you broil the "Begging the Question" thread?????
That's not what I heard on Jeopardy Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
does this belong to your mother?
that's what she said.
[ July 11, 2004, 10:29 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
You actually think you look good with 16 purple hairs on your head?
Only when I laugh.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When are you on Hatrack?
Always and forever.
[ July 15, 2004, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
What's the only response that could kill the Begging the Question thread?
Holy Haberdashery!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Great Gatsby Batman! Can you help me come up with a new exclamation of urgency?
Look under your nose, and you shall see.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Edit: aw, darn...beaten to it.
[ July 15, 2004, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: Eruve Nandiriel ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
so the galley proofs got mangled in the mail?
it was all dog-eared.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why do you keep insisting that this purse wasn't made from a sow's ear?
This little pig went to market . . .
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Why did this little pig get slaughtered?
I cleaned my room like you told me.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Young Hercules, why did you move that river to run through our house?
The devil made me do it.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Why'd you chop down the lime tree?
The key is hidden in one of these seven pies.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Um, why are standing around wearing nothing but a chastity belt and gorging yourself on sweets?
We should lock you up and throw AWAY the key.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
You think being at camp for eight weeks and only being able to leave every week or two is making me go crazy?
Crazy going quickly am I.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You say your insanity is affecting your grammar?
Nectar of the gods.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
mmmm... mmmm... nummy! whaddya call it?
Well it looked like an eggplant! Sorry 'bout the blender.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You don't have any more recipes calling for large rocks, do you?
Well, that explains the clogged drain.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Guess where I found the "Begging the Question" thread?
Don't make me play with myself. Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
What are you going to do if we all leave the band?
Anitole McNoultey.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Alright, who put the empty milk carton back in the fridge?
It's time to liven the place up around here.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Check it out! I just bought some "word of the day" toilet paper! Wanna see it??
I'm sorry - I just had to push the little red button.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
are you sure you pressed the right one, love?
it's a many splendored thing.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why don't you ever put down that Rubik's cube?
I'm with stupid.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
why did my brother say he couldn't talk the other day when i walked in?
Pandas are the real kings of the forrest and or jungle.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Jim, are you sure those paper-crowns are wise?
guys, could you back the *bleet* truck up *bleet* up over the sidewalk?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Whats that guy under the front wheels saying?
That's taking the road more traveled in a way less traveled.
Posted by Chris Warrent (Member # 5549) on :
what would you say to confuse me?
John Kerry
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
What good can come out of ye olde Mass?
unleavened krispy kremes.
Posted by goblin (Member # 6539) on :
What's the newest diet craze?
Newt Gingrich in a tutu.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What?! What nightmare was so bad you woke up screaming?
I hate moving.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You got kicked out of the Chess Club?!
Like a dead squirrel, but without the smell.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What exactly is a "cryogentically frozen" squirrel?
That's what cousins are for.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Amidala asks, "Where can I find someone to pretend to be me in case there's a bomb?"
Unplug the curling iron off before you try that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you help me trim my nostril hair?
That is not a great second date activity.
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
Why do you say i shouldn't ask heer to the "Eternally Togehter Weekend"?
Because green eyes are awsome, that's why.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Um, why is it you wanted to become a cat?
You know, that's the third time, and I STILL have no idea!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
So what was that movie you and your date saw last night about?
If i had the time to destroy you, i would.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Why don't you file a claim for the atom bomb?
Bugs, bugs, everywhere!
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What did you have for lunch?
Another gay marriage thread.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What makes you think it's That Time of the Hatrack Cycle?
Crankiness, orneriness, and just general malaise.
Posted by Chaeron (Member # 744) on :
Why God?! Why must I be cursed with such misery!?
I have misplaced my pants.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How much fun did you have last night?
Peanut butter and balogna sandwiches.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's the new Oscar Meyer commercial for, again?
Wait! Because tomorrow, it'll be FREE!
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Could you please buy some toilet paper?
If this is a joke of some kind, I'm not laughing.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So I was thinking that you might want to apprentice your daughter to the local neon sign maker. She seems to have a talent for that. What do you think?
Under the girdle in my sock drawer.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
grrr..Where did you put that sloppy joe I just made??
Right smack dab in the middle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How would you describe your politics?
Lincoln Log Cabin Republican.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Whats the name of that ... hot new band?
Under the bed.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where did you put my pet monster?
In the cookies again.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where'd you find your hamster?
He's green, furry, and lives in a garbage can.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
WHat happened to popeye the sailor man?
mmmmmmmm.... crispy.....
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Why are you picking your nose?
That one's my favorite!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So have you seen that thread on hatrack where everyone is hugging Thor?
Oh no, that's ok.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Did I touch you inappropriately?
Please do.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Can I wear your left shoe?
About two pounds, I reckon.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's the difference between a pebble and a rock?
Throw it in the pool, and see if it sinks.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Is she a witch?
It tastes better with ketchup.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
How can you possibly stand to eat babies?
I simply chose not to elaborate.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
How did you avoid admitting you were a cannibal when questioned?
I'm stuffed.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How did your trip to the taxidermist go?
Just hanging' out.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How'd you spend your time at the nudist camp?
They are a tad over exposed.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
YOURS???
I'd rather hide them.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, where are you going to put your academy awards for best vomit-scene and best supporting bra?
I have a list of people to thank.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Why are you carrying a 5-subject notebook up there with you?
The thing that you're hearing is only the sound of the low spark of high heeled boys.
[ December 12, 2004, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Goody Scrivener ]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Is that thing I'm hearing the sound of the low spark of high heeled boys combined with the sound of a 1990 Buick Skylark with transmission trouble?
I didn't think so.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
have you got my wallet?
I blew it.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What stinks in here? (that one is courtesy of my younger brother Evan.)
No one could possibly understand.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
quote: If the Universe is constantly expanding, am I? And if I'm not, will I ever get to my refrigerator?
I don't know, but these cheesy poofs are sure good!
Does this have anything to do with:
quote: Simple: I'll post an answer. You reply with a question which fits the answer, plus another answer for someone else to reply to.
A: I'm telling you, he had a cucumber.
Jonny
[ December 16, 2004, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*nudges Jonny* Psst. This thread is for the funny only. No discussion. It's been that way for almost 3 years, and we can't defile it now!!!!!
Now think up a question!
No one could possibly understand.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
How come you're always going around on all fours?
I killed him.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Where's Waldo?
The epitome of all that is good in this world.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
Who is this Sauron guy anyway?
Damn!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
How would you rearrange the first four letters of the word 'mandible'?
It's made out of Legos.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Something is odd about tonight's dinner. Any idea what it could be?
100% chocolate, and nothing but.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's in this meatloaf anyway?
Abercrombie and Fitch, that's who!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Who said that your stomach was attractive?
Hm. Intriguing.
[ December 17, 2004, 04:09 AM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What do you think of your chain mesh underwear?
I feel fine.
[ December 17, 2004, 04:30 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Are you sure that axe in your head shouldn't be taken out?
Really, Officer, someone else must have put it there, I have no idea where it came from!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Q: Why do I see a device in your, ahem, 'anatomy'?
A: This answer is wrong.
[ December 24, 2004, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
How wrong would I be if I said 1 wrong makes a right?
You can't show that to children!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Why do I see a device in your, ahem, 'anatomy'?
MMMMM, MMMMMMMM Gravy!
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why do you like to visit the graveyard every week?
I found it in the garbage.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where'd you get this old thread?
You'll just bring home anything you find lying around.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
What do you think of my new underwear?
The wind knocked it over.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Why are you taking Viagra?
It tastes better than M&Ms.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Ahh, so that's why you were so popular in HS, but did you like it?
Whatever, you know I'm right.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Are you SURE 2 + 2 = 5? My math teacher told me it equals 4...
You're going to lose it again, anyway.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Can I please have my mind back?
Jiminy crickets!
Posted by Miranda (Member # 7647) on :
Who do you want to grow up to be?
Water is the only way.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What way will get us to Maui?
Babe
Posted by Constant Reader (Member # 7282) on :
What's that delicious smell coming from the oven?
Living in my armpit.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Where is my pet cockroach?
Chocolate cake with raspberry sauce a la mode
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Oooh, whats flavor is in that new black-and-red Altoids tin?
The memory of a mongoose.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What was it about your dream last night that had you giggling and poking yourself in the butt?
I honestly can't see how we've gotten along without it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you done with my "long" catcher?
Catcher in the Rye
[ March 27, 2005, 09:28 AM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Kamui (Member # 7619) on :
You had an off color dream about the characters from WHAT book?
because that's the way I like it!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why do you follow that South Park episode, eating through your arse and defecating out of your mouth? Why do you eat the unconventional way?
What the...?
[ March 27, 2005, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Didn't anyone tell you that you were supposed to bring the ambrosia salad?!
Unpleasant, but very true.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So, you said your aunt was eaten by a hyena?
Not again. Please, not again.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Who wants to hear Raia sing an encore?
It's written by Orson Scott Card.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what's so new about the New Testament?
I call that blaspheme.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
[DIGRESSION] *giggles at Ic* [/DIGRESSION]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
[*Singing*]
A: HalleluJah,
For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth; The kingdom of this world is become- The Kingdom of Our Lord and of His Christ: And He shall reign forever and ever.
King of Kings, And Lord of Lords.
HalleluJah.
[/*Singing*]
Q: Yeah, right! I'm sure there's something behind it all...!
[ March 27, 2005, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Did I see you post that in my "Adult Swim" thread?
NOOOOOO!
[ March 27, 2005, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Would you like to save 15% or more on car insurance?
Go-go-gadget cocunut cracker.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
State the smartest saying ever.
I really, truly, can't think of what to say.
[ March 27, 2005, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Constant Reader (Member # 7282) on :
Are you lying to me about your amnesia?
You're uglier than him.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
Why must you always refer to yourself in the second person?
Mmm... Mac and Cheese Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What are those girls wrestling in?
The future of the world.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Who am I?
I screw this up.
[ March 28, 2005, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Toad, that triple-izzy with a twirl was so tasty, too bad you hit your head, are you ok?
Format is for sheep!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't erase everything on my computer?
If it's in your way, go around it.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
How did that live T-rex get in the driveway?
It's better than under the river and lost in the woods
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
You keep a snake in your closet??
As long as we're not talking about cabbages.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Will Orson Scott Card be there?
He can sing, but I wouldn't want to live with him.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of Irving the crooning flea?
La de dah.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How would you respond if I said, "Fiddley Dee"?
A martian with an oedipal complex.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What are you so afreud of?
Oh - that's just my pet wombat.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where'd you get that awful toupee?
Put it in a ziploc bag first.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So, you say we should dump the body in the bay?
If you do that, it will rot. Take my word for it.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Do you think I should subject my brain to countless hours of television?
I wanted to, but I couldn't find my tweezers.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can I pick your brain for a moment?
Better that than his nose.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
He stuffed whole cucmbers down the garbage disposal?
After the snow melt uncovers the bodies.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
Dad, when can we BBQ?
Chiclets and Cherry coke.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Dad, what are we going to have along with our BBQ?
That is why the collapse of civilization is imminent.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Bush was elected president!
Random acts of violence.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Now that they are getting married, what do you expect on the honeymoon?
No time for TV tonight.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why are you reading that book?
Those aren't my clean socks.
Posted by rav (Member # 7595) on :
Didn't you put bleach in with the load?
That's why they come to our farm, and skin our animals.
[ April 02, 2005, 07:04 AM: Message edited by: rav ]
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
Don't those folks look really, really cold?
It just chooses the DARNdest time to explode.
[ April 02, 2005, 07:20 AM: Message edited by: Zotto! ]
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Do I look fat in this?
I can't feel my toes.
[ April 02, 2005, 07:17 AM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
What the heck are these ominously familiar-looking things in this tupperware container I found in the fridge?
For the love of all that's good and pure, Bob, don't pull that out of there.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Has the time come to reveal my ultimate weapon?
I read it on Hatrack.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Wow. I haven't told anyone about my plans to take over the world. How did you know?
Well, I figured that since it was my birthday and all...
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why aren't you wearing any clothing?
I forgot to bring my potato.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why are you sticking plastic lips, ears, and hats into your face?
He is no child of MINE.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why does your kid keep picking things out of your hair and eating them?
There is no shortage of of paperclips here.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why is there chewing gum all over these files?
Lets keep things in order please.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So can we go over this? You got up... had dinner... took a shower... came back from work... had breakfast... went to work... am I missing something?
Over my dead body.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Where do you want this fertilizer?
No thanks, I was abducted.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Do you need a receipt so you can get a refund for your voyage to the planet Khlaxbjay?
Aw, Mom, do I have to?
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Honey will you please get the rocket ready, we're going to Khlaxbjay to visit your grandmother.
That was AFTER he rolled down the hill.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Did Jack break his crown?
I wish I could, but destiny calls.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
Hey, would ya mind having this 2 billion dollars I am giving away?
It is kinda dark in here.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Why do you insist on reading in the cupboard?
It's not the way I would have planned it.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
So you hit the median strip and rolled the van. But why is the inside of the vehicle completely coated with raw egg?
I wasn't offering it to you.
[ April 03, 2005, 04:41 AM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Just endorse the IronMan Comic check to Dan Raven.
I'll settle for the movie profits.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
How much do you think it would cost to get the rights to the beer-dumped-on-that-guys-head story?
It's really good--you just have to skip over the bad parts.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you having fun playing hopscotch on quicksand?
The chalk markings have vanished.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why do you think it's about time I stopped mourning my murdered wife?
Like that's really a solution!
Posted by LilBee91 (Member # 7475) on :
Why don't you just eat the pig?
Because, he smells.
[ April 03, 2005, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: LilBee91 ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why would you kiss him passionately and then NOT agree to a second date?
Yeah, that's easy for you to say!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Is this easy for me to say?
I like qwerty.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what's with the keyboard fetish?
No, it's supposed to be like that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Pssst, did you know there is a world famous writer posting on this thread?
And Uncle Orson too.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You invited Cher to your birthday party?!
I already tried that.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why didn't you just hit him with a sledgehammer?
So that's why you won't exit the library
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
No, I'm not happy to see you, that's a book in my pants.
I'm NOT flying there again.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
How come you go to Australia by car?
Oh, I understand
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Por favor, desculpa meu mal jeito de falar.
Not this time!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So, how about I take all the money we've earned and buy myself a villa in Florence?
Hahaha... that's what YOU think!
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
I thought killing people WAS murder
NOT in my kitchen!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Where should we plant this maple tree?
Every time you do that, somewhere, a pixie dies.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why should I stop singing these Britney Spears' songs?
So that's what you do on Sundays
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why so you seem surprised that I'm in the park with George?
Artists are bizarre.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
If you're finished with that stool sample, can I have it?
I'm sorry, but I don't find that funny.
Posted by LTC DuBois (Member # 7661) on :
Can I call you the Dude?
Six, no wait, five.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Are you sure a horse have four legs?
Bring it on
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
This is Mr. DeMille. Are you ready for your closeup?
Uh...if you say so.
Posted by AntiCool (Member # 7386) on :
Is you is, or is you ain't my constituency?
Not while Uncle Orson is still active on the board.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
So I was thinking of starting a "Tribute to American Beauty" thread; do you think I should?
It was all they had in stock at the time.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why would you possibly buy a "Verily the Younger" shirt?
Ahoy matey.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What do you think of all this fuss about piracy?
A small, green frog.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
And who do you think should play Ender in the movie?
The Muppet's-Ender's Game.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
I've heard something about Kermit making a comeback. do you know what all the talk is about?
He got tired of the swamps after the fly population began declining.
Posted by LTC DuBois (Member # 7661) on :
Why did Francis Marion serve in the Senate?
She's the star of the county down.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why does that person keep blowing kisses and waving at everybody?
Well, you see, last week he bumped his head and now he thinks he's a famous opera singer.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
I stabbed him through the heart half an hour ago. Why won't he shut up and die?
I gave it to my neighbor.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
What happened to the tie your kids gave you for Father's Day?
Eggplant parmesan, spinach salad and cheesecake.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
I never believed the whole "good intentions" thing; what is the road to hell paved with?
It fits rather well around your body's natural curves and provides support and comfort, along with making coffee.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why should I wear this stinking overall?
4782
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Who is Long Jon Boy Silver?
Mother Earth News
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
WHERE did you read that the earth is going to explode?
It was the beaver in my backyard.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
You can't come to work because there is a hole in the wall?
They always break down
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Why do you hate your relatives?
Someplace... SOMEWHERE... there's gotta be one that works.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
I thought you were going to buy a new computer. Why are you digging in the garden?
dragonflies
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
You say counting sheep doesn't work? Ok, close your eyes... what do you see?
And a bowl of oranges too.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Are you using a steak as fishbait?
It is always raining nowadays
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why do you wear your mac in the shower?
It was just another of his inane excuses.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
He said he was told to do it by rabid orange Koalas?!?!
Only on Tuesdays.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Do you play with your food?
That's for me to know and you to find out.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
So what does your new tattoo say?
No, it's a frisbee.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Look in the sky! What is that flying rotating object, so brilliantly reflecting the suns light? Is it a UFO?
There is no smiley that can describe how I am feeling.
Posted by Susie Derkins (Member # 7718) on :
Why on earth would you use a phrase like "pleasantly neurotic?"
I don't much care for gravy.
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
So, do you wanna come over for our famous gravy wrestling tournament?
My head went through dry-wall as a baby.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
That is some nasty dandruff. Has that always been a problem?
I like the taste.
Posted by Susie Derkins (Member # 7718) on :
Vegemite as a toothpaste?
I can't.... I'm Mormon.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Could you go pick me up a six pack?
I like them in dark green.
Posted by LTC DuBois (Member # 7661) on :
Which color manbra do you think I should get?
The year was 1778.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
When was the last time you changed your underwear?
Pretend to be enthusiastic.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Honey, did our daughter just win the "Student Most Likely to Become a Sci-Fi Writer" Award?
I can't sit through one of these again.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Will you be welcoming the hurricane with me?
You got PLAYED.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
I could feel the machine yanking my magnetic tape. Why would they do something like that to me?
It goes on the shelf.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why is there a mouse turd so high up in my pantry?
I just clipped my fingernails.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
I'm hungry. Do you have anything crunchy?
I think I'll take the high road.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
So explain to me why you are lighting one up?
I like it that way.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why do you insist on dating women with less than three teeth?
The hairs on the back of my neck just stood up.
[ April 06, 2005, 01:42 AM: Message edited by: Khavanon ]
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why do you have all this tiny footprints on your neck?
No! Never!
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Would you eat green eggs and ham, would you, would you, Sam I Am?
Because I'm a Jatraquero and I don't have to explain myself! (heh! I spelled it right!)
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why dont you ever answer questions with an actual reason for believing one way or the other?
I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Oh, you're a painter? How do you sign your works?
I'm cold. And I'm wet. And I'm not very happy.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
How does it feel to pee in a dark suit?
I don't get no satisfaction.
Posted by LTC DuBois (Member # 7661) on :
So why'd you become a writer?
One word, bees.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Can you explain why your entire family is red and splotchy?
There's nobody there!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Where's Waldo?
It's only a play-doh model.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Michael Jackson! Children don't want to look at that!
Because it's springtime at last.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Hey! Why are you poisoning those pigeons??
And so she said "Aha!" and that was the end of it.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
What did happen with that girl who fell into Capability Brown's haha?
Heck, shoot, you're darn right!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Y'all from Utah?
I plead the 2nd.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Let the circle be unbroken.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
What do you say when you open a pack of Life savers?
My walls are white and splattered with blood.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What did Casca say at the Senate that tragic day?
Hmm...
[ April 06, 2005, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's the most intelligent statement you can come up with?
Without fail.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How many times did people believe that you got the pronunciation of the word floccinaucinihilipilification right?
I see...
[ April 06, 2005, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Jonny, you forgot to post an answer.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What did Casca say at the Senate that tragic day?
Umm... Hmmm... Tough one!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Think carefully... what's four plus two?
Under the sea.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
How is your steak today?
57,695 Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
I'll ask you again, how many times did you dunk your head in the toilet bowl?
The dinosaurs did it.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How many testicles do you have?
***Consider invalid***
Who ate your testicles?
ANSWER:
Possibly!
[ April 06, 2005, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
Do you only have 1 testicle?
He ate his way to freedom.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Whatever became of James in the Giant Peach?
Just add a little chocolate.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
How can I make this box fit a Forrest Gump movie?
Whatever will be will be!
[ April 06, 2005, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: Beanny ]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Now, you'll be here - in room 101. REMEMBER, 101.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
[question leading to: Whatever will be, will be:]
Will one of the American Idol contestants ever sing a Doris Day hit?
Not rats! Please, not the rats!
[ April 06, 2005, 10:45 PM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Do you need me to dig out my panpipe again??
No, over there. The green one.
(edit: Question leading to the rats one)
[ April 06, 2005, 03:04 PM: Message edited by: Raia ]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Mine was intended at his.
Leave that alone.
A: Hehe! Hehe! Hehe!
EDIT: Sorry, Raia!
[ April 06, 2005, 03:04 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
Are you laughing at me?
It's a monkey
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What did you say about my anatomy?!
Oops.
[ April 06, 2005, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Susie Derkins (Member # 7718) on :
What did Friar John use to open the cellar door?
I'd rather it be hot.
edit: JH, dude - follow the rules or ti spacha la faccia!
[ April 06, 2005, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: Susie Derkins ]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Do you like your revenge cold?
To die. In the rain.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why did you go out the door in Ireland during January?
Sorry, Sir! I fell asleep, what was the question, again?
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Is it true that people who masturbate too much tend to sleep in class? (Oh, I'm childish today)
Only in my dreams.
[ April 06, 2005, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Khavanon ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Where is the Scarlet Letter a good read?
I found it on the bottom of my shoe.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Has anyone seen my eyeball?
I'll take the glass one instead.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Didn't you say you wanted the plastic one?
They're dirty.
Posted by Jane_Lane (Member # 7665) on :
Why won't you eat your grapes?
I am a concrete block
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why don't you go jump in the river and cool off?
I didn't do it.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Did you hit the sister?
I live in a beautiful baloon!!
[ April 06, 2005, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: Altáriël of Dorthonion ]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Why is your voice so high pitched?
Clap for me.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
I forgot your hand were cut off last summer, you want me to cheer for your son in your place?
I live underwater.
[ April 06, 2005, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: Altáriël of Dorthonion ]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Where did you get such glamorous scales?
You can't smell it.
Posted by Jane_Lane (Member # 7665) on :
Has that mouse been dead long?
Well that's what the pineapple suggested.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
What do you mean oranges in a pina colata?
Never say always.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
According to YOU, everything I do is always wrong.
Not MY zits!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Aren't zits the grossest things?
I dropped my keys in there!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why are you dumpster diving?
But I wasn't done with that!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Didn't anybody ever teach you how to flush?
For heaven's sake, spit it out!
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
There's a million ways to eat a worm, did you know?
Blue eyes are crying in the rain today.
[ April 07, 2005, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What makes you think she's alone again?
Lonely, and yet not alone.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
How did you feel about meeting my parents?
When in doubt, run faster.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What one sentence prompted the chicken to cross the road?
Yes. Now go back to bed.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Is Morbo still awake?
Time keeps flowing like a river.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What's that song that Cajun physicist keeps singing under his breath?
Yes, mommie, I said my pwayers and it's time for bed.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ralphie, don't you think you should go to sleep?
She is gonna kill me.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why are you so afraid of that grass-hopper?
Perhaps it will work next time
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Why didn't you pass 5th grade?
Oh! I saw that one!
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Did you see the trtailer for SW Ep.3?
I told you it was red!!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Bah! This is not rose wine!!!
No, homo-erectus.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Ooka Wacka Woof kill Bambi?
What's more personal than that ?
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
My testicles turned lime-green, they're rather pudgy now, too! I think that the actual contents of the sack dissolved.
I did it... Why, though, I do not know.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
Who painted the cow blue?
Chicken lips.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Who - or what - would you like to have foreplay with?
The Pope was the President of My fan club; yes, that means I'm Jesus Christ.
[ April 07, 2005, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
So what did he say that made all the protestants pissed?
1101101001001011000001101110110101011011100001101
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How much is 480031547242253 in base 2?
This answer is a poem, And a weird one a that: To move the ship - just ro'em, And don't dare move the mat.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you sweep the floor yet?
My head asplode.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What is OSC's favourite line?
Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Lord Alfred Tennyson.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Who could tell me if the Ancient Mariner was really supposed to be Ulysses as an old man?
OR:
Name a poet opiate and a poet laureate.
Memorize the Norton Anthology of English literature.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
How can I know all there is to know about the literary roots of the great Harry Potter books?
Purely out of spite.
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
Wait, why did you shoot the shopkeeper?
I did it with a hammer.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why did you call it "Hammertime"?
ohhhhhhhhh yeah.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You mean you like it when I massage your face with this tire iron?
Yes. Yes exactly.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
So you're telling me that you like to eat catapillers?
Meat-man... ever since my son was... never born, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Hey, you think I could get my Hibachi back?
Oddly enough, it tasted like human flesh.
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
Did you enjoy the pope's funeral?
You eat the almonds seperately.
[ April 07, 2005, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan K. ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What do you mean I don't eat my M&M's right?
I got it for free.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
How does a guy amass the wealth to put together such a vast collection of hub cap lawn ornaments?
quote: According to YOU, everything I do is always wrong.
I spell it with an Z.
[ April 07, 2005, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: Khavanon ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why did you write down zit instead of it?
money, money, money, monnney, monnnnnneeyy.
[ April 07, 2005, 09:54 PM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
IT'S DE'MON EY !!! AAA!!!
I just put it there to annoy you.
[ April 07, 2005, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: Stan the man ]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Could you get that man eating lion away from my children?
Not until I see the goods.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Give me the money.
You truly are stupid!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You know how I avoid seeming dumb? I think, "What would >I< do?" and then I don't do it.
No, it's caused by a fungus.
[ April 08, 2005, 04:28 AM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
So the earth isn't pulled toward the sun because of gravity?
There's only 1 rule: There are no rules.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Gee, I wonder... how many rules can be found in the constitution of Mount Wanahackloogie?!
Because there ain't no diamonds in the sky, Lucie.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You say you want to marry me, and now you're digging in the ground. Why, John, why?
Even dogs won't.
[ April 08, 2005, 06:52 AM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
"Why are you eating off the floor?", he asked me. Then, he added... What did he add, again?
Ah, BURN! Cremate! Incinerate!
[ April 08, 2005, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
How do you want your marshmallows roasted?
Three chickens and a derivative.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Aside you, what occupies your house?
Game over~!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
something something, man, something something...
george.
[ April 08, 2005, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
How do you call that nice chap who built that big white house on the border of Virginia?
Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
What are you making for supper?
Childrens choir
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What was the thing David Willcocks ruined that belonged to him?
I'm so sleepy!!! (True, btw.)
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why did you just lay your head down on the stove? While it was on?
A: Theres a penguin in my room!
[ April 08, 2005, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: SteveRogers ]
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
I thought that was you in the suit?
It's raining too much
[ April 08, 2005, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: Swede ]
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Erm...why are you wearing a sponge?
Because a muel isn't fertile!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why do you think you can get paid for doing abortions on mules when you don't have a medical liscence?
(oh and btw, some female mules are fertile.)
Don't say I didn't warn you!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Do you think I should swallow this flesh-eating acid?
A: I don't want to go to the insane asylum!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
You know what happens to people who claim to be rocks...
Practice, my child. Practice.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Mommy, how can I become a Jedi ?
Because life is unfair.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why did Bill Gates have his android super soldiers kick you out of his mansion intead of just giving you the billion dollars you asked for?
A: Twice. Once when I was seven and then again when I was ten. But not since then. I wouldn't dare attempt it once more.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Ever hotwire an airplane?
It's missing the paprika.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What's the name of your band?
I gots the skillz that killz.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: How did you beat that level? The guys health covered the whole screen! You couldn't see a thing! I'm serious! How did you beat that boss level?
A: I didn't mean to swallow it, I swear!
[ April 08, 2005, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: SteveRogers ]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Honey, have you seen my retainer?
That's great, but the dog won't like it.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you think of this Darth Vader outfit I got for the dog to wear while we wait in front of the theater?
A: I'll meet you there.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Will you meet me here?
It's not on amazon.com!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Do you think you could pick me up a copy of Hellsing ? You know the manga?
A: Never again. Never. I won't do it. Not after that one time when I was six. Never again. Never!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why won't you go to the bathroom?
Dance!
*Starts dancing*
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What is your least favorite activity?
A: Its not my fault that the airplane blew up while I piloting it. I didn't do anything, I swear!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
The black box show's that you pressed the self destruct on the experimental jet for no reason, then ejected. What do you have to say for yourself?
Oh! A pen!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Your place looks like a pig... oh, what's the word?
Last time you stuffed me in the trash can.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What should I do this time? Hmmm....I took your lunch money yesterday. What did I do on Wedensday?
A: I gave you your potatoes. What more do you want? Just look at your tray, there are potatoes sitting right on it. Right there!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
May I have some more?
It's a fox!
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What is that awful smell coming from your underwear?
It seems to be jelly.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Ew! What's this coming out of my eyeball?
There's a hospital around the corner.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Where do think we should hide our radioavtive weapons?
I'm afraid I've lost it.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Do you mind?
The directions said to wait!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
The directions said to *mumble mumble mumble*...
I'm going to eat you!
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
What are your plans for dinner?
This isn't that difficult.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
[This post has been deleted as being sexually explict and inappropriate for this website.]
[ April 10, 2005, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: KathrynHJanitor ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What was your name again?
no, no, no, do it like they do on "Deliverance"
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What's the golden rule for postal workers?
A tumbling tumbleweed.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What's the most interesting thing you have ever seen?
*explodes*
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what's the silliest cliche about loneliness you can think of?
Oh, that makes me so ANGRY!!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
You missed...
good-bye.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Are you sure that that will make my migraning head feel better? It seems like a very brutal method of clamping!
[ April 09, 2005, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: This green crayon should help with your headache. Do you mind if I stick it up your ass?
A: I'm not sure I understand waht you mean. I didn't kill anyone. At least not today.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Ok, what did you do with the body?
Well, if you're going to be that way about it, I'm going home.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Come on! Just eat it! Why won't you eat the cat poop? Its not like its a dead animal or anything. Why won't you eat it?
A: So? I wasn't supposed to use the litter box?
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Last I heard you were supposed to bury bodies in graves.
Perrrrfect.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you realize that you just barbequed a cat? That wasn't a ham. Poor feline. Why did you do that?
A: I don't cry anymore. I had my tear ducts removed so that way I couldn't show emotion. The Botox certainly helped too.
Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :
Why aren't you crying?! That crazy man just barbecued a cat!
No, that's just on Tuesdays.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you think today?
A: Do the wave!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Hey, dude, can I borrow your surfboard?
I would, but it gets stuck in between my toes.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
May I collect your fungus?
You glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Can you think of a line that might almost kill the "Begging the Question" thread?
You're just being paranoid.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why does everyone keep looking at me and licking their chops?
Your new hairdo looks like a masterpiece of perfection.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
What do you think the problem is?
A rustic, ruthless, rogue ran rapidly towards Roo.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why did Kanga look so alarmed a moment ago?
Talk to the hand. Talk to the hand.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
What were you doing in there?
Only if it comes in blue.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Do you want some chocolate pudding?
It is the source of all life in the universe.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What is "Hatrack River Forum"?
EXcuse me, you don't have my permission to use the question mark key.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you mean, I have to pay you five dollars to ask a question?
So there! Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
What is the actual meaning of nanny nanny boo-boo?
Is the sky really blue?
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Is the sea really blue?
Well, "42" has 42 meanings.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, why doesn't "the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything" translate into the meaning of life?
Because some people are just so...foul.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why aren't some people fowl?
*dies*
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Your money or your life?
Shades of Jack Benny
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Complete nonsense? What is complete nonsense?
A: So what if I ate a cookie?
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Don't chocolate chips give you shingles?
I don't know. You call Homeland Security.
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
What's that camera doing in my lamp?
Post 6,000!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What do we call everything that takes place after the last year of the sixth millennium?
Ah, sweet mystery of life!
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
So how do you make that beer and coffee chili?
Check the reference section.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What's a good way to get the puck back when you're playing Library Hockey?
I don't know, but it looked like Jello.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Am I smelling a vanilla cigar, or did you starve Cookie Monster to death?
*Shudder.*
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Look what I can do!
UHF is the greatest movie ever.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What is the greatest movie ever?
A: I wasn't supposed to eat that donut? Is that why Satan made my head look like a donut? Its rather tasty actually.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Don't you think you need another donut like you need a hole in your head?
It's the art of Feng Shui!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
How do you manage to live in that tiny, one-room apartment?
Because it doesn't work after the sun goes down.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
My father is a veggie, how com he never grows during nighttime?
Of "course" Yerab'am was friends with Rehab'am! They only had perpetual wars, and one stole the other's people and land, but still!
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Could they be friends?
Why, the Arc, of course
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Looka yonder! What's that big boat doing on the mountain?
Murray, for the last time - no alligators in the dining room!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hi, I'm murray, and this is an aligator in a dining room.
Look it's anubis! Can we keep him, daddy?
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What's that you found in your cereal box?
They're grrrrrrrrrrreat
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Listen, it's already 1492, and you've observed some. So I've got a question to ask you as a Jew: What do you think of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella?
"Nya, nya, nyyya!"
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What do you mean, you got out of going to the meeting?
And that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Wait a second. You just put raisins in your scrambled eggs, and now you're adding chili powder?!
There's no better way, that I can see.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you superglue the bottom of two coke bottles to your face?
Its the newest fashion from Paris.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Why are you naked?
I told you it was empty.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
What happened to my box of Girl Scout cookies?
I don't like Spam!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you have against Monty Python?
A ten foot long pole not named Kama-san.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Who is buried in that eleven-foot-long grave in the Japanese cemetery in Warsaw?
They call it "the fly."
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What's that? *points at croch of pants*
uh-huh.
[ April 12, 2005, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Are you sure you should be smoking in the fireworks factory?
They are stealing my sanity, and my left socks.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why are they taking things needing to be washed?
I am a laundry cop.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why did say "You're wearing dirty clothes" and shoot me?
Ok.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Will you please hold my hair out of my face while I bob for apples?
They are soft and crunchy and sweet and sour and healthy all at the same time!
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why do you eat apples all the time?
Of course! Why shouldn't I?
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Are you sure you should be eating so many apples in one sitting?
Oh, I like to get them fresh whenever it is possible.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Phew... What's this horrid smell of dead fish?
Blast! I knew I forgot that one!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hey look! You forgot one!
No, I couldn't think of anything more clever. Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why, it seems its your turn. Aren't you going to come up with something clever?
A: I'm wearing a fish on my head.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why don't you wear deodorant any more?
It's spiderlicious!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
You're using chopped, dried tarantulas as a salad topping?
I'm game if you are!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Wanna translate the book of Genesis into Klingon again?
But my mascara ran out.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
My dear, you must put something on those infected eyes of yours! They look horrible!
Yep. The one and only, the genius, my spiritual role model.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Are you still watching your tape about bigbird?
We were out of cheese, i had to substitute something.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
macoroni and dirt?
What is 1337?
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Numbers greater than 1,000 for $600? OK. This number comes directly after 1336.
Because my mood ring says so.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
your family just died, your house exploded, all of your assets were stolen, and you have been mortally wounded, why are you happy?
If you say so.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
You're dead, buster.
Oh no, please, crucify me, hang me, burn me alive - just don't do THE THING!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Want me to do that THING called the Macarena?
I am not trying to seduce you.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I really don't give a damn how many languages you speak. Why did you say that anyway, AHEM?
Ouch, that hurt!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Hi, my name is Ouch, and I think you and your children are really ugly.
Mmmmmm, about time.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Extra! Extra! All nations on earth have surrendered sovereignty to Orson Scott Card!
Human is not a legal pizza topping.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Officer, why are you arresting me? You didn't care when I chopped up my little brother, but I put him on my pizza and suddenly I'm in handcuffs?
I wish I had a monkey's paw.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why are you bringing a hacksaw to the zoo?
I couldn't find one in the fridge, so I looked in the linen closet.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I thought you said you were looking for the cat...
You shall be first.
Posted by Susie Derkins (Member # 7718) on :
Who gets to try your newest invention, Monsieur Guillotine?
I'd prefer not to, really.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
You shall be first.
uh-oh.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was the first trial name for the YuGiOh game?
Fred the automatic carrot.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Say hello to my little friend.
It's a piece of drift wood.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
Is that a banana....?
I'll stay home forever, where two and two always makes five.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
King BryanP, won't you come to the gathering in the courtyard?
Are you sure it's not a skunk?
Posted by Mahabarata (Member # 7664) on :
I swear it is my sock.
343 Guilty Spark
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Where do you live?
I see the light shining...! Oh, no! It's the train from Murphy's Law!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hey, what's that over there?
I will not repeat myself, I repeat, I will not repeat myself.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Say that again?
No, the knife is too dull.
[ April 14, 2005, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: advice for robots ]
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Do you want me to cut your hair?
It's going out of style.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Why did you take the sock off your head?
Maybe tomorrow. Today is too cloudy.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Crucifiction today?
Oh, bugger. He did it again.
[ April 14, 2005, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
say whisky!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
You know you're not supposed to mix bleach and ammonia, right?
Well, if I must.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Would you mind shaving my back again?
Yes, but save the pits.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Would you like me to destroy the World?
I smell it... And it's like rotten cabbage.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
Did you know I didn't shower this morning?
I may be, but I am not an android.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You seem to be as regular as clockwork, bowel-movement-wise.
That's what keeps me humble.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Is it true that only five people in North American haven't heard of your books?
So full of flavor.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
I've only been selling my urine online for a few weeks, but I'm already flooded with more orders than I can fill. Why?
Not after eating tuna fish.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Are you ready to ride the roller coaster?
Salsa and chips.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you think you'll have for breakfast?
Chicken soooooup!
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
(shouting) What's for supper?
Earrings don't have to be in pairs.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Were are you going with that wheel?
I thought he was stupid
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
You know it was Einstein who came up with E=(mc^2)/SQRT(1-v^2/c^2), right?
If not for obscene reasons, I'd say it's kinda cool!
[ April 15, 2005, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why again, did you want to build a reverse shrinking machine?
good, morning everybody, and welcome to whatever the hell it is I'm doing.
[ April 15, 2005, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
What did you say when you waked up on the White House lawn?
Libraries are supposed to be quite
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: You realize you just played The Immigrant Song, by Led Zeppelin really loud. Do you realize why you shouldn't have done that?
A: I've only got four teeth.
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
Why can't you eat more than four spaghetti straws at a time?
It was him! Not me!
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Did someone just lick the back of my neck?
First you must consider how many Frogs you have.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What's a sound strategy for mounting a revolution in the Swamp?
It eats shoots and leaves.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
What's the worst punchline you've ever heard?
Well, I didn't say it was a good idea.
Posted by Sartorius (Member # 7696) on :
Why am I sitting in this catapult, Boromir?
Over where the spiders are.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
Have you seen my baby? I can't remember where I put her....
There are two colours in my head.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why do you see everything in black and white?
A: I put the poison in her spaghetti. It should not be long.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
man, that person that keeps saying spaghhhhhhetta and marinarrrrrrrrrrra, is really getting on my nerves.
[ April 16, 2005, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How do you feel about OSC?
If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Shouldn't the Apocalypse be happening soon?
Fuzzy.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
God willing.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
So, will my house be ready in time for Pesach?
Macaroons!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What do you get when you fill balloons with macaroni?
Macarena.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Where can you go to watch lions tear and devour I-Pods?
Saliva.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
What is your favorite hairstyling substance?
Bacon Grease
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
If you can't have a Shakespeare Bye-Bye-Birdie, what fifties-style musical comedy would you like to see in an Elizabethan version?
Ham fat.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
WOW, your Venus Fly Trap is HUGE! What do you feed it?
Dragon droppings from the field.
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
So, Tarzan, in light of our recent discussions of adopting new public attitudes for old, could you give me your honest opinion about the health and related physical attractiveness of this little pig here?
Graemlins. Everywhere, the graemlins.
Edit: Curse you, mimsies, you and your fast fingers both.
[ April 17, 2005, 04:35 AM: Message edited by: Zotto! ]
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
SIT DOWN! You keep jumping up and looking under your cair. What is WITH you?
I lost my belly button ring.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I thought the match was over, why are you wading back into the jello?
That's the last time I feed a stray.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
I thought you said your date was only staying for dinner. Why is he crashed out on the couch?
Terrible gas from too much fried food.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Did you just fart?
Gosh, I haven't defecated for 36 hours!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
You just one the super bowl, what are you going to do now?
some people like skim milk, some people don't.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, tell me again why you're drinking cream straight?
I don't think that should go there!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Let's stick stuff into liquid nitrogen!
Are you trying to get into the OOC thread?
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Do you think I should say, "I don't think that should go there," or perhaps, "I didn't realize they could get so big"?
Yes, I found one just yesterday.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Do you actually enjoy looking for four-leaf clovers in the desert?
I took a picture of it for posterity.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You say the front page had nothing but dobies?
Charge!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
And just how do you propose to pay for your extravagent jewelry purchases?
I do NOT like being hailed like a cab.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Where did you say that wart was growing?
Don't be such a meshugeneh.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Oi Vey Iz Mir, is the dog eating the Kneidelluch?
Wow, that's so unbelievable.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Every word I've ever said to you is a lie.
It's stuck in your moustache.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Have you seen the last donut?
Mmmm, chocolate.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
EDIT: Drat, you beat me to it!
What's that odd brown stuff on the ground?
He refused, and then viciously recycled my favorite water bottle.
[ April 17, 2005, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Beanny ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what happened when you asked the recycling man to give you back your bottle?
My cat's favorite color is pink.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why is all your sexy lingerie so ... pastel?
As if I cared.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: There is this nice little resturuant on Church Street that has cat burgers. You ever been?
A: I forgot to eat breakfast. And did I mention I forgot to sleep?
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why are you eating that mattress?
My cat is also a neutered bisexual.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
I've had these strange, insatiable urges lately...I keep wandering around the neighborhood aimlessly, attracted to anyone I see...It's strange, you'd think that when you leave yourself open to anyone, you'd have a better chance of satisfying that hunger...but it's all for nothing. Do you have any experience with this?
Well, I'd say that given it expired six years ago, you probably ought to just toss it out.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
You think this tuna's ok for making a salad later?
In the end, that's what counts.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
But..but..You just screwed him over while you get everything. That's just not fair.
It was meant to be inspiring. Somehow it lost the inspiration.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What exactly did you hope to gain by cheating on your girlfriend with her sister?
Only on mondays.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Have you ever dressed up like the Loch Ness monster?
A: And you know what that monster said? It said I need a buck three fifty.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
But I thought it said "can i have three fity."
BEEP BEEP! I'M THE VAN LADY! BEEP BEEP!
Posted by SmoG (Member # 7778) on :
Q: Hey, aren't you Rosie Odonald?
A: Oh, well there's a sinkhole out back.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
The garbage can's overflowing -- what should I do?
They're baa-ack!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hi, we're john and beth baa-ack.
doo-dee-doo-dee-doo.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
How does the melody of "Strangers in the Night" go?
Not in THESE pants!
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Will you please retrieve my basketball from the slimeroom?
I forgot it next to the caterpillar
Posted by Peek (Member # 7688) on :
where did you put my pet emu named dew?
it's as long as a Northern Hairy-Nosed Wombat's eyelash.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How long is a Southern Hairy-Nosed Wombat's eyelash?
You can keep it if you give me back the box when you're done.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You watch out, mister, or I'll give you what for!
Not the face! Please not the face!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Would you like a pie? Its not just any pie, its a key lime pie. Sound good?
A: I only smile on Thursdays. Or when I'm in intense pain.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
What's wrong, you get botox or something?
(Edit: too slow)
*sigh* One down, three thousand four hundred and twenty nine to go.
[ April 19, 2005, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: MidnightBlue ]
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What ar e you doing? Counting rice grains? How many you have left?
A: I had plastic surgery so that way I would look like Orson Scott Card. What do you think? ( )
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Nice goatee! Is it...grafted?
That's a moot point.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What were you bickering with that strange Ent about?
Your neuroses deserve their own Wiki article.
Posted by Sartorius (Member # 7696) on :
[EDIT] Double post.
[ April 19, 2005, 07:26 PM: Message edited by: Sartorius ]
Posted by Sartorius (Member # 7696) on :
My finger nail bed on my right index finger is .008 inches longer than the one on my left. Do you think that's why I'm not getting any modeling gigs?
I like it better with rice.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Would you like some worms and grubs with your teriyaki chicken?
They were collected fresh this morning.
Posted by Sartorius (Member # 7696) on :
You're not eating day-old boogers are you?
It's been a boring day.
Posted by ProverbialSunrise (Member # 7771) on :
Did you enjoy your time at Hatrack today?
There are no bones in cottage cheese.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
I think they did something funny when they milked this cow...this cottage cheese is sort of crunchy...
When I am king, you will be first against the wall.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
If you're so determined to build that horrible wall, I hope they never make you king!
Careful with the sunburn!
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
I hate shaving the hair off your back...my Lord, man, you're like a gorilla!
We've got heads on sticks, you've got ventriloquists.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Wait a second. How in the world is your Human Sacrifice Club at all like my Voice-Throwing Club?!
I just wanted to tell you how special you are.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
What on earth were you thinking about when you locked me inside a "special needs" school?!
Why on earth would you want to know that?
[ April 20, 2005, 04:52 AM: Message edited by: Beanny ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I'm going to the bathroom.
beep....beep....beep...beep...beep..beep..beep.beep.beepbeepbeepBOOM!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So you accompany your trips to the bathrooms with sound effects...may I ask for a demonstration?
Well, I've never seen one THAT color before!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Did you ever see that odd shade of yellowish-purplish?
Now now, that's not very polite.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
You want me to quote some more Radiohead?
That's funny, I just heard that on the radio.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
to my cat - "Don't bite 'the hand that feeds' you"
oui, monsieur, je suis tres stupide.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: I need to be utterly confused. Are you up to the task?
A: Potatoes can solve anything.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
He hates matzah, and he's a vegetarian. WHAT am I supposed to feed him all Pesach?
Seven dozen eggs.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What's the best thing to smuggle in to a Cher concert?
Because it's chartreuse!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why are you scared of that line?
A: I already had one of my arms removed.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Why are you afraid of my disarming good looks and charming manner?
It's better shredded.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Have you ever tried eating hair? I hear its really good in a meatball shape?
A: Holy Binoculars Batman!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
That's Catwoman's window right over there, isn't it, Robin?
Triangles!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What is your favorite animal? ( )
A: Did I do that?
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Which one of you amnesia patients stole a car?
why don't I eat this squirrel instead.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
you want the possum burger?
This game is getting old.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Can we play "keep away from Altáriël" all night?
Just the facts, Ma'am.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Do you want to know what it FELT like, to have you treat me like that, filling me with passion and then treating me so badly that I was filled with despair and then fury and finally a deep sense of my own worthlessness?
Duh. I forgot to include an answer.
[ April 20, 2005, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Do you know why I failed you on your essay question?
No! Say it isn't so!
Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :
*donald trump voice* Yuh fiyahed.
You just squished my only friend.
I couldn't think of a question. But I just watched the Apprentice!
[ April 20, 2005, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: Tater ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I hate monkeys! *squishes monkey*
What we do every night pinky, try to take over the world!
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
Alright, we'll come over and shoot her.
[ April 21, 2005, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: BryanP ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
911? There's some crazy lady running around on my front yard, punching herself in the head, while screaming 'WOO-HOOOO, WOOOO-HOOOOOOO'.
I'll do it, if you do it.
[ April 21, 2005, 08:17 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
I can re it, I can fa it, I can mi, sol, la, and ti it. But ... what's left for me to do?
A miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's for dinner?
Kibbles and bits and bits and bits.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What do you get when you run the blender with a mouse inside?
Where should I put this mouse?
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Why is the cat so interested in your pockets?
It's under the rug. And NO, you can't!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where's the body, and can I touch it?
You don't let me have any (sick and perverted) fun
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Did you hear that Orson Scot Card has decided to quit publishing books and become a furry, a lot of his fans might follow, but I won't let you.
Just kidding!
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did pregnant Mama Goat say to Papa Goat when he asked what she doing?
Baa baa black sheep!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
They're coming out with even more baseball teams?! What's this new teams mascot?
Conjunction junction.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
The corner of Because Blvd. and Whether St. is called what?
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. >_<
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Do you think I picked up my insanity from hanging around the mental ward too much?
I should be so lucky!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Have you lost your MIND?!?
All I want is a room somewhere.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
Don't you think we should get married before we move in together?
I'm not living, I'm just killing time.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
OMG, do you still live for that silly thread game?!
The Queen has spoken, so mote it be!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
For the last time, quit following me, I am not the frickin queen!
nine.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
How many large anchovy pizzas can you eat?
Mount Rushmore
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
You lost your shoes?! Where was the last place you saw them?
That was so funny, I forgot to laugh.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Have you heard the one about the amnesiac comedian?
Probably while she was belly dancing on the table.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, when did you realize that she might have had a bit too much to drink?
You know, I just don't think we have the time.
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
Help me find my watch, will you?
When my wife finds out.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: When will you stop smoking that watermelon?
A: Penguins are sacred in......on.....Mars!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why can't you ever stick to the subject?
Over the river and up in a tree.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
Where is it you live again?
And true love lives on lollipops and crisps.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
True hate lives over there.
domo arigato.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Can you say something that sounds Italian but is really Japanese?
Just suppose.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
So what do you think I should do?
That poor monkey.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Did you hear about that animal who washed his sweet potato?
I said that.
[ April 23, 2005, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Can't you ever let me be first at ANYTHING?
Swine.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
I ate all four of them!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Whatever happened to the Beatles?
It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Have you wever gone Cow tipping?
I really love it when that happens.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hey, look, the clock is still changing.
There once was a man from nantucket...
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What is the meaning of Taalcon?
I should get a life.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Why were you up all night posting on Hatrack?
If I get to it, I will.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Now, do you think you'll be able to manage to conquer the world AND raise a family?
You always make everything so difficult.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
You're next mission is to make some toast...with a toaster.
I am not a retard.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You remind me of those places where music is supposed to slow down.
In YOUR opinion.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Where is the best place to find the true answers to life's most difficult questions?
No, it does not work that way with women.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Maybe I can use this chloroform to get a girlfriend!
Look at me, look at me!
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
Have any of the grandkids seen grandma's dentures and wig?
I did it for love, the love of not going to jail.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why did you blow up all the prisions in the world?
DESTROY ALL HUMANS!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Do you have a secret fetish?
Bleep.
[ April 24, 2005, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
bloop?
teehee!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Deehee?
There were seven constapated men in the Bible:
Kain (sp?) - he wasn't Able; Noah - he sat for 40 days; Moses - he split the water; Joshua - he brought the walls down; Sampson - he brought the house down.
And I can't remember the other two.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Hey, Reverend? What do you think about while sitting on the toilet?
Aaaaaaah!
[ April 24, 2005, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
If I -- right now -- read you thoughts while you're sitting on the toilet, what would be my reply?
Why not?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Can I steal my children's money from their college fund just one more time?
When I hear that, it makes me giggle.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
So, what do you think CT's response to this post would be?
Seven Wheat Thins, but two are broken.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Antidisstablishmentarianism!!!
[divinity] DEUS VULT! ET ES APIKORUS! [/divinity]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Will you help me with my homework?
Two large carrion eating birds ate my white fluffy homemade candy.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Food, please!
Yes, I am able to pull my legs behind my head and hop about on my crotch. It's not very fun, but possible.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, it says on your resume you have unusual talents?
Hey, you picked this movie, not me!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why in God's name are we watching lesbian pornography for our Anniversary?
He's a glass-gazing, supreserviceable, finical rogue and a hopeless, three-suited, hundred-pound, lily-livered shame for the son and heir of a mongeral bitch.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
If he isn't a bubble-mouthing, fog-blathering, chin-chuttering, chap-flapping, liturgical turgidical base old man, then what IS he?
I would never quote Christopher Fry!
[ April 25, 2005, 04:04 AM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Did you think I would fall for your egoistical meanderings just because you quoted a guy I have never heard of?
It barely ever rains there.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What's the worst thing you can think of, about living on the moon?
The worst thing I ever stole was a piece of food from a family member's plate at a restaurant, man that food tasted awful.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What the worst, and yet stupidest thing you've ever done?
A: I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
So......what do you think?
This one goes first.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
I can't seem to make heads or tails of these roundworms...
Truly, your intimacy is deplored.
Posted by Trashcan_Man (Member # 7345) on :
I found out he's been giving gifts to ALL children at Christmas.
1988.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what time period would you like to explore with my brand-spankin'-new time machine?
Because only twelve-year-old boys question my answers.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Why did you tell that twelve-year-old girl that the "Macarena" is our national anthem?
I wish I had shoes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What reward doth thou desire for thy marvelous feat?
Puns make the world groan.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
You have the power to cause earthquakes, are you sure?
Never trust an ice cream truck driver.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: So what advice do you have for me before I leave for Earth, Father?
A: I only answer stupid questions.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I got it! To solve all the worlds problems, how about we run around and tip cows?
NO ONE LI--- *dies*
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Anyone who doesn't like me, I'm going to kill with my remote mind-mixer. It's a good thing for you that YOU like me, isn't it!
I need a change of underwear.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What the hell is that smell?
Oh no, the car!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Hey, that guy with the spray paint, is he a friend of yours?
No, I have too much stuff to carry.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Would you be able to tell me why you are carrying so much stuff?
That's not a carrot, this is a carrot.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Welcome to culinary 101. Do you see this round green vegetable? this is what we call a carrot.
That's the conclusion???
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
And from this, one can conclude that, HOLY CRAP A BOMB! *BOOM!*
Are you sure you don't want me to wear this?
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
You know that those underpants are see-through?
I think that... *BANG!*
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What would you think if I told you that you have three second in which to not bore me?
Nope. It's what got left behind.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you forget my lightning bolts? AGAIN!?
A: I didn't think the Tooth Fairy could be so violent! But there she is, front page of the Post Dispatch! I can't believe she ripped that kids tonsils out.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Do you think you could write an answer so ridiculous that no question could be asked of it?
Because that's what it was made to do.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why is it called a Rooner-spism?
I see, you see, we all see it's icy!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Hey, didn't anyone tell you all to be careful on that step?!
Because I've never been more tired than I am right now.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why did your wife log on to the Chat room nicknames "SSSS - Sucks [to] Spouse Sleeping [during] Sex"?
--- And henceforth, use SHAKESPEARE invented words for swearing, or Connolly style. That is:
Fudge, Shaitte, deamnne, barse, bubble (b*gger).
[ April 27, 2005, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Q: Why the @!#%@(#$@#$(*#@^%)(@&#$!$@ did no-one answer that, and was this too vulgar?
A: Anything you want, you can have; provided I don't want it.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
May I borrow your soul?
Yes, I'll have the sole.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Welcome to Hell's Diner. Have you decided what you're having?
Well, as long as it makes sense, I guess we'll all be happy.
Posted by Little_Doctor (Member # 6635) on :
What are your expectations for the Social Security reforms?
Of course, I'm sitting on it right now!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Don't you have a brain?
The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Alright, can you tell us what caused you to commit arson?
Yes, pink, gold, and purple.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Do you have any of those cute little bikini swimsuits I could borrow?
Dogs smell like that, when they're wet.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Phew! What scent is THAT colonge supposed to be?
Well, I haven't checked the back room recently.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Did you ever think anything could smell as bad as that meatloaf did?
No, that's not normal for her.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Does she always do that in the back room?
I cleverly replied to two posts at once.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Q: Do you know what are Hatrack's semantics for "Double Trouble"?
A: Zedekiah then was caught / with such a quick surprise, / To land of Chaldee he was brought; / The King took out his eyes.
[ April 29, 2005, 03:05 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What is the best random mutterance you've got? Come on, throw it at me!
A: I fell off a roller coaster and broke my legs when I was nine.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What's the worst childhood disaster that you suffered?
I suppose that's a possibility, if the weather's good.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Do you think I can hike from Boston to Albany tomorrow?
It was the fifth time it happened.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
How did you know it was five o' clock from that noise?
Yes, I am happy to see you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you muttering behind the telescopic site of that 50 caliber machingun you are pointing in my general direction?
A long question deserves a long answer.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
It's a yes or no question, what the hell is taking so long?
goodbye!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what was your response when she told you she was going on a rafting trip across the Pacific?
Because if I did that, I'd never get ANY work done.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why dont you join the hatrack river forum?
Count me in.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
We're going on a worldwide expedition to find and experience the most painful rites of passage that man has invented; wanna come?
Well, it's kinda itchy, and it rides up in the crotch.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why won't you molest that mosquito?
Pimple, pimple, little brat, Why the *BEEP* are you so fat?! On my face - you piece of *BEEP* - You perpetually just sit!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Now, how did that Robert Frost poem go?
'cause I've got nothing to lose.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why did you post an answer that I could finally question?
Because it's still true, no matter how many times you say it.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I didn't do it! I didn't do it! Why are you grinning sinisterly? (gr?)
Oh, dear! What a shame!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Did you know I ate all of the cookies in the cook-cookie jar?
It was fifty dollars.
[ May 01, 2005, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
How much did it cost to fill up your tank?
Grinning like a madman.
[ May 01, 2005, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: Treason ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was he doing that made you think he was the Joker?
I'm Batman.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
We know you didn't get a good look, but who was it that robbed the bank?
Mine's ganbling.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
What is the word you always misspell?
I just love those things!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hey look! Dirt!
STELLLAAAA!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Ok, what do you think I should say to get our server's attention?
Well, yes, but I want it in another color.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you want blue-cheese dressing on your salad?
That is a great big crouton.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What are you staring at?
A: Thats horrible. You don't have ANY teeth?
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I ran out of teeth to pull for the tooth fairy...
3.141592653589793
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Alright, time for a geek test: How many digits of pi do you know by heart?
In my world, they do!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I don't know much about elves, but they don't put their legs behind their face and then roll around to their wanted destination.
A blue tree just sniffed orange-flavoured cocaine in my backyard, so OF COURSE!
Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :
Why was your backyard just declared a federally protected wetland?
Because I really want to shoot something.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, why, exactly, are you making bullet-shaped ice-cube molds?
Well, I'll make sure my answers are answers and my questions are questions, then.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Did you know that it's not as fun when your question is a statment and your answer is a question?
It's up in the tree, next to the pencil sharpener.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Could I lend a pencil from you, Sir Cat? Please?
If it weren't for me, he'd still be around!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Whatever REALLY happened to Elvis anyway?
A: You know. That one song. That, that, that one song. The one about that one thing?
[ May 02, 2005, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: SteveRogers ]
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What are you talking about?
Well, it would be funny, but you're going about it all wrong.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Knock, knock. Who's there? Watermelon. Watermelon who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana? Get it?
I guess I picked the wrong day to stop wearing deoderant.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Does anyone else smell dead racoon?
A: So I'm in love with a hippy!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why are you buying someone wide pants?
I'm clowning around.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why on earth are you wearing that silly painted-on grin...and what on earth happened to your feet?
Well, if you must know, I'm doing it for a friend.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why are you letting that pekinese hump your ankle?
Wear longer socks.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
My feet are swelling up, what should I do?
Eat the rabbit!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
But Smeagol doesn't knows what to do with the chipses and the meatses you did in Elveses' ways!
I live in and on a bank.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what did you mean when you said it was time to make some change in your life?
I think they're only getting what they deserve.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Someone just pie'd the entire US House of Representatives. What do you think about that?
I love lemon tarts.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Dude, I think those tarts just assasinated the president.
She winked at me.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What the hell? why did you beat the crap out of that lady?
[ May 03, 2005, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Oh, my GOSH, WHAT are you wearing?!
Yes, in fact, I have them right here.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you think I've lost my marbles?
That is just crazzzzzzzy talk.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Do you think that just maybe we could discuss politics without screaming at each other?
Well, I think chocolate is the answer.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Do you think food is the answer to all your problems?
It was just Big Bird, I swear!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Who else have you been dealing drugs too?
A: AACK!!!! Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Hey, isn't that a giant spider crawling on your shoulder toward your neck?
They say that it's the best way to cook your beans.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: HEY! What are you doing with that flamethrower?
A: I may or may not have just cut off your left ear.
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
Peter, what have you done?!?!
The devil's in the details.
[ May 03, 2005, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Kent ]
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Everything seems to be in order. Except....wait! Why is there a picture of flames in the corner?
A: Its not like you said I couldn't.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Should I not roll around on my head, spinning?
Oh, #@!%! You are such a @%@# $@#%@ #^$ #$^% of $#%#$ #$%# and a @%$@#$ @#$ with #$%#$% ^%&$% on his @#%@#$ #$%*!!!
JH
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Do you have Tourette's syndrome?
That wasn't very nice.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I have just destroyed the world, bwahahahahaha!
Isn't that special.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I grew an extra head!!!!
That will definetely need surgery.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Does this foot look good? I mean the third one. How does it look?
A: I've noticed that you seem to have a blue gremlin living in your ear.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
George Bush: Does anyone know why i sound like a bumbling idiot?
Batman Begins opens April 15 will reinvent the Batman franchise!
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
You know what I'm looking forward to?
I hate them!!!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Give me a Paul Jennings (Australian writer) cliche.
Ti...ai...ai...red...*yawn*. Hadn't slept a *wink*.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Wow you look haggard
i heart circuits
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Any good Weird Al songs recently? I heard he made a movie. What was it called?
A: I just ate a sock......
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
do you feel ok?
I have no idea whats going on........
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
WHATS GOING ON?!
Pimples and dimples.
Posted by Hebedee (Member # 2110) on :
What are little adolescents are made of?
Auditory stimulation.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What does it take to get you off the phone?
I put 50 cents in it.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why is the gas tank of your lawnmower rattling?
Because I've run out of stamps.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Tell me again why you're flying 2000 miles just to deliver a letter?
A tisket, a tasket.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I'm looking for a kid's song for my punk band to cover. Hey, how does that easter song about the basket start again?
Well, that's disappointing.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did yo notice that my head is missing?
A: I trained my left ear to do flips.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What is your greatest achievment?
no, no, no, it's UHF.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Is that AM or FM?
Really, I wish I could do that.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Can you fly like my pigs?
No, I said I wanted the squishy one.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Is this squashy orange okay?
A: I believe I ordered that one.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Who ordered the dish of Common House Fly spiced and richly urine-sauced Mexican cattle-manure?
It's the ALLEGRO!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
if we mix allegra, and this miracle grow, what do we get?
UHF is the best movie ever, and I will kill anyone who says otherwise.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Could there possibly be a better movie on the planet than Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?
I accidently ripped my nail off.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
[doh!]
What?! What?! Why are you screaming?
Bananas. Definitely Bananas.
[ May 05, 2005, 11:21 PM: Message edited by: Megan ]
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
What type of fruit would you say my ears resemble?
Only if the lion was declawed.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Ever considered being a manicurist?
It may be digital, but it sure looks painterly!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What do you think of this photo?
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why won't you stop fiddling with your new digital camera and listen to what I'm SAYING?
You're supposed to write a question and THEN write an answer so somebody else can ask the question to make YOUR answer seem funny.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you think of JH's last post? Did he not just get it or what? (I'm not coming up with anything clever today.)
A: I believe you're wearing my soap.
[ May 06, 2005, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: SteveRogers ]
Posted by Alex21 (Member # 7658) on :
Q: Where did the faceless dictator's soap go?
A: Excuse me, but that is a WATERMELON.
[ May 06, 2005, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: Alex21 ]
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Whoa, I didn't know they made anti-pregnancy capsules this big!
Go away!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hi, you've just won one million dollars!
Follow me!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Shh...you'll get me in trouble!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You don't like Ender's Game?
Shame on you. Shame, Shame, Shame.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What, the coup was almost bloodless, why all the hand-wringing?
Don't put your hands on your hips and lecture me, I hate that!
[ May 06, 2005, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what did you say that made her slap you and storm off in a huff?
Yes, but only if it's turquoise.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Would you like a refill m'am?
A: I didn't get a chance to introduce Alex to Hatrack today! Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
You won big on Jeopardy, why are you crying?
Yeah, that's a likely scenario.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Do you foresee yourself having fourteen children?
I wanted to tell you how much that meant to me.
[ May 06, 2005, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
How do you feel about the fact that I hate you?
No!! I only do that on Mondays.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Did you just stink up the bathroom?
Serenity now!!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What does that impatient Buddist keep muttering?
Like you can do better.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
You can't even do a one piece puzzle? Here, let me show you how.
It is not naked time.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Please tell me...IS THAT CLOCK WEARING A SEXY SPEEDO SWINSUIT?!
I suppose there's some truth in your words.
[ May 07, 2005, 08:10 AM: Message edited by: Beanny ]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I always lie.
MEAT!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Maniacs Eating Arbitrary Twits?
An opera is a play where when a guy gets stabbed in the back, instead of dying he starts to sing.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what do YOU think the distinction between a play and an opera is?
Yes, but never on a Sunday.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Do you ever go to church?
No, I said the white one!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
*Bangs head on wall - Raia, you beat me to it!*
Whew, just on time I've brought you the medicine on which your life depends. Hang one... it was supposed to be the red bottle, right?
Duh! Who doesn't know that ?!
[ May 08, 2005, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: Beanny ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So, Beanny, your teacher tells me that you answered the math question "4 + 4 = 9." Can you explain this to me?
Die! Please.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
I'll do anything you request, as long as you ask politely.
The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
[DIGRESSION] Beanny, that was awesome. [/DIGRESSION]
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
[DIGRESSION] Thank you Raia. I'd be unconcievably grateful if you were to ask me to please GO TO HEAVEN, given that in the meanwhile I'm on my way down. [/DIGRESSION]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Very good, Eliza, you've mastered that phrase,--now could you master SHUTTING UP about it?!
I get testy when annoyed.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
ANOTHER pop quiz?
I'm going to sit here and hum.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Aren't you going to have your choir practice now?
If I knew it, don't you think I'd have told you already?
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why do you try to kill this thread?
Garden State is over-rated.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Wasn't Garden State the complete, ultimate, awesomest movie experience, and no more movies need to be made ever because this one said everything that needs to be said?
I thought so too.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
Didn't he look cool with his head on fire?!
If I only had a brain!!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Do you think you could take my qualifying exams for me?
It depends on whether or not he's awake.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Do you think that guy is awake?
That's not a rock.
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
Hey, care to see what I just found?
I'll go, but only if it doesn't involve circus tents.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Fancy checking out that selection of new spring dresses?
Actually, I used a toothbrush.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Wait - you have NO toilet paper? What did you do when you were at my place, and went to the toilet?
How about... seven of them? it's a prime number, so it's quite a good choice.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
How many cookies should I buy if I don't want to divide them up?
Yeah, and I have a tiger on my tricycle.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I have a monkey on my back, where's your empathy?
It's comedy when it happens to someone else, tragedy when it's me in the hotseat.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
What's your view on the math teacher's interrogation methods?
I thought it was rather obvious.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Mate, I get that "E=(mc^2)/SQRT[1-(v^2)/(c^2)]", but I didn't quite get why that figure has been achieved, and why can't I convert stuff between equations? It's all weird!
A damsel and a dulcimer; it was an Abyssinian maid, and on her dulcimer she played (singing of mount Abora).
[NOTE] There's one good question for this very specific answer, so try something funny. [/NOTE]
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
[Digression] Yep, kill the thread, dude. Butcher it. [/Digression] Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What else is that ode about, besides the damsel who wasted threads?
Sir, you go too far!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Hey, what's over that cliff?
Dead. I repeat: DEAD.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
So*, how're you feeling after eating that infernal curry?
Dragons with solar wings. Sweet.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
What's that big green beast with shiny wings? Oh, and how does it taste?
Erm....huh?
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Three legs, that's right.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Are you some kind of mutant?
I have an elephant hat! Yippee!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
So, professor, can you tell us something of your findings in the African Savanna?
Waffles just won't help in this one. Sorry, dude.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Waffle-man, to the rescue!
Everybody run, it's Waffle-man!
[ May 11, 2005, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why is everyone running? Did I miss something? And what is with all the syrup?
A: That midget just swallowed that dude whole!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What happened to my OSC action figure?
Not in many moons, young one. Not in many moons.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
The baby in the beginning of Monty Python's "And Now for Something Completely Different"...? What about it?
Give me three farthings, you owe them to me!
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?!
A dog and a goat eating pickles at the beach. Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
What's that new Orlando Bloom movie about?
If it's chocolate, I'll eat it.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Can I introduce you to my friend Mr. Goodbar?
I already called dibs on it.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Can I have the last chocolate from the box? Please? pleasepleasepleaseplease? pleeeeeeease?
I'm only letting it happen because I'm so tired.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Superman, Superman! The earth is about to end! Why won't you save us?
A! No wait, B! Wait, wait, I want C!
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
What is your favorite letter?
Wheren't Thangorodrim supposed to be the other way?
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Err ... are we headed in the proper direction?
Instant Graemlins
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you get when you take a Mowgli and add water?
Fuzzy Wuzzy wuz a bear.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How did the "Fummawummazummalums" poem open?
Spoons, I tell you! You never have enough of them!
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What'd you give your wife on your 50th anniversary?
It's better fried.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How's life?
Its better than the alternative.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why are we going to a mass suicide again?
[insert response here]
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why die?
Holy, holy, holy!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
What kind of water do you want?
I'll do that when it's raining.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
So when do you rain dance?
3 buckets of saliva.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
So, what did you buy with the $5,000 I gave you?
Ugh. No way am I eating that.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
3 buckets of saliva.
Don't do what he says! He's evil!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So...what do you think of our new moderator?
He's a man with a mission.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What were you saying about some guy who bought an old piece of California real estate?
Lucy! I'm home!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did Elliot Ness say to Lucky Luciano after he ran the bases at the annual Mobster/G-Man softball game?
that was a stretch.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
What did the coach murmur to his team after the 7th inning?
Yoga Beara declined to comment.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Why in the world did you get a Yogi Bear quote on baseball?
I want the salami, darn it!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I can offer you some quiche...
Three blind mouses.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What's worse than three blind mice?
stoopid monkey.
Posted by Hot Fudge Sauce (Member # 8025) on :
What does that caption under your picture say?
Purple crayons have feelings, too.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why are you so against violet violence?
Paper jam.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What is that purple stuff smeared all around the paper intake drawer on the xerox machine?
Lachrymose.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, how did you feel when your prize onion was sliced up by the judges before your very eyes?
I hate to say this, but I'm actually considering it.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
So are you going to accept $50 for letting your dog be used in the Vivisect Your Pet reality show on CBS?
Not THOSE undershorts, for heaven's sake.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Do you think we ought to run these up the flag pole?
I would be happy to hear your life story.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What did you say to him that made him tie you to a chair and keep you in his apartment for 12 hours?
You're sick. Really, really sick.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
What's your biggest fantasy? Wanna hear mine?
No, of course I don't want to.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you trying to seduce me?
You never let me have any fun.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Now, now, do you really think it's a good idea to put firecrackers in the toilet to try to make it explode?
Well, that certainly is depressing.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
I've been listening to Britney Spears.
Like OMG!
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Have you been listening to britney Spears?
No I haven't, you silly
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Have you ever kippled?
Just use a Frisbee and some motor oil.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
What did you say you woke up to last saturaday?
I don't know? Ask her .
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Who's biggest fear is herself?
Yes, I do like monkeys.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Would you date a lower primate?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it violates my aesthetic principles.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
What's 2 + 2?
Yell you what I'm going to do, first I'm going to dig a hole, second I'm going to put you know what in the hole, and then I'll run the 10 mile.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
What do you think you're doing with my shovel?
I prefer mine dipped in chocolate.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are you doing the rest of my life?
I'm rewiring the internet.
edit: this was in response to the prior post, but it actually cracked me up even more...
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Eruve Nandiriel this is a court of law. You need to tell the court what happend on Friday the 13th!
First paper. Then plastic. Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
What's the best way to keep the lamb chops fresh on your way back from the butcher?
I painted you a masterpiece!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How is the history of money like the history of grocery shopping?
edit: Ughh!@!! people keep beating me! Okay, new one for Hester's post:
Hon, what happened to all the barbecue sauce?
I'm suffering from Lego block.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you mean Ex-lax won't help?
I hope it is a small one.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
I keep telling you smokings bad for your health. And what do you always say?
edit: this is for Dan_raven---I'm going shopping for a mini-mp3 player.
You can't get me Bob_Scopatz I'm the ginger bread man.
[ May 13, 2005, 11:43 PM: Message edited by: Griffin ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you know that Bob_Scopatz is invulnerable, except for his fatal allergy to ginger?
I am more allergic to Mary Ann.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Does Ginger make you swell?
And I am an admiral in the Queen's Navy.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I am a general in the King's Air Force.
toodles!
Posted by Crown Princess of Pickle Relish (Member # 8019) on :
You've inventing a drawing technique that involves small, insignificant drawnings done on tin. What are you going to call this new art?
No, that would be silly.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hey, I know, let's do something productive today!
Death to the rabbits!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Yes, Mr. Fudd, we voted on that already--does the committee have any new business?
No, you're out of order!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Do you think I have enough frozen chicken nuggets for the lunch rush?
It really only happens when I eat spaghetti.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I see your white shirt is no longer white. What caused that?
I think we'll need a socket wrench for that.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Meg, what will we need for the incoming freshmen?
I'm feeling Amy Lee.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What are you doing saturday?
I say tomato, you say tomato, I say tomato, you say tomato. tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Know any songs to play for the health fair?
And then I used some ducktape.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I sung the song with the same pronaunciation on tamato.
I really like this new quick reply function.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
What's the best thing about hatrack?
My favorites skittles.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What should I slam a ball into?
"Soon" is a subjective term.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Say something random.
Sorry, the correct answer is: pizza!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My encyclopedia says that Turtles eat fish and bugs and weeds. That would include all turtles, even Teenage Mutant Ninja tutles, so why don't I win the prize?
Leonardo and Donatello
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
For one million dollars: Which of the four ninja turtles are gay?
staaaarrrs.
Posted by Miranda (Member # 7647) on :
What do you say when you want a spaceship?
Elk! Elk!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
For 1 Millllllion dollars, please do the love call of the Heart Broken Elk.
Sorry, that was a moose.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Was I just attacked by a janitor?
Three pegs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What could possibly be better than four pegs?
Every last one of them.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Are you sure you've summoned all NHL fans into this room?
Attendance is MANDATORY.
[ May 15, 2005, 12:58 AM: Message edited by: kaioshin00 ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do we have to watch you make a fool of yourself again?
The birds are calling.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What are you doing on my power line?
Its the end of the world as we know it.
Posted by Damander (Member # 4439) on :
So wait, you're just going to go outside naked?!?
I said rare, and dang it, I meant rare!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Is this the Common Fox?
Attention, everyone! Attention!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What do you want from Hatrack?
There, now I can die happy.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Did you just urinate out the third-story window onto the sidewalk below?
Here's an umbrella, my friend.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Is that guy about to urinate out the third-story window onto the sidewalk?
giraffe.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What comes to mind when you think of necking on Noah's ark?
To dream the impossible dream.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
How did you confince the dreamaster to explode?
help, this jaguar is not eating me!
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
did you just douse yourself in barbeque sauce?
42
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
How many times are you going to see that movie?
George, get in here!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What did Mrs Washington say after the papers were signed?
You don't get the point, do you?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did Buffy say to Spike when he dodged her stake?
I like them best un-vanquished.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
How do you like your meals prepared?
Planes, trains, and automobiles.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
What three things do you think about most?
Boston will always be my capitol!!!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What are your plans for carving your own country out of the northeastern seaboard?
Just the thought of that makes me want to run and hide.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Pee Wee Herman as Ender Wiggins?
Some things should get you band for just thinking them.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Sex, drugs and Rock'n'Roll! (Apost?)
Because Basil Fawlty is a great character.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why sould we care about Basil Fawlty?
Gut him! I mean, get him!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Boss, Aquaman is after us! What do we do?
My boss is awful too.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I'm Aquaman's sidekick, man that sucks.
pichoo, pichoo!
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
pika pika?
My server is being stupid again.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Why don't you have your food yet? Or is that just something to do with your computer?
Honda, definitly Honda.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Which car is your favorite, Raymond?
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why is Tiger your favorite golf player?
Bottled water.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What are you allergic too?
You were the chosen one!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I left that cult years ago, will you get off my back about it?
The swelling will subside, eventually...
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How did Newton describe himself with his wife at night?
3.141592653589 grams.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I asked for 3.141592653589793 grams, how many did you get?
Have a happy day!
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
So, what did you say to them?
I asked 'em to change the seating arrangement.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
You should be teaching your fifth period class--why are you sitting on the roof?
Because I like turkey, of course.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why did you get Salmonela?
The Buffalo rapmageth!
Posted by Swede (Member # 7560) on :
You say you understand this?
Owned, so owned
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Hey, I thought your car was for sale... did someone buy it?
I blame Star Trek.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Why does your son have pointy ears, emotional problems, a sci-fi mania and a thing for female robotos?
Once upon a time, my child. In a well-forgotten land.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How did the book "Home Alone" start?
Oh, that is such crap!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Some say that you have not been very Politically Correct in your speech about the French form of pancakes.
It could be worse, you know.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Dad, I'm stucked in an elephant butt !
She has to do it first.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
You can get $1,000,000 if you have oral sex with her. (Sorry.)
43.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What follows 765?
That was not a Douglas Adams quote.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
To be or not to be, that is th-42!
I finally got my kitty mag.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I've got my Mickey Bag!
Can I have a little more? (Kq?)
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
[NOTE]FINE... I'LL DO IT:[/NOTE]
One, two, three, four;
69 bottles of beer.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Aye, methinks we've 'ad a 'holot 'a beer, ain't we McBrian? Yer good in countin', 'Ow much of it d'ye reckon?
According to God...nope. Sorry. That's YOUR problem.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Jesus, can you find out whether God can cure my athlete's foot?
if you neglect air resistance, eight pickles.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What's rule number 84 in the book about how to NOT build a rocket ship?
I'm hungry for bacon!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Mr. Wolf, why did you blow down that house?
You make a better door than a window.
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
Why do you keep sticking your house key in my belly button?
It's all in the wrist.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
God, how mighty was your arm that you took thousands of the sons of Israel from Eygpt to Kanaan?
Because of the tunafish.
Posted by Mahabarata (Member # 7664) on :
How come you were attacked by a seagull? Indoors!
I am burning the table mum, what does it look like?
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Son, are you trying to tell me you don't like my cooking, or what?
Habanero!
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Did you just say you ate a hatraquero, and that it was a spicy one?
For Doomhammer!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why did you camp out on the sidewalk all night in the rain?
Yeah, but that would take more time than I have.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
You didn't have to kill him! You could've just asked him to stop firing, he didn't know you were his ally!
Jeez, dude, it's not such a big deal. CHILL OUT.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Oh my God! The russians and the chinese have launched a massively coordinated nuclear attack on the U.S.! Why are you laughing?
Porcupines in the morning, salamanders in the evenings.
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
How would you describe your wife's legs?
When I'm done, I just put it back in the drawer.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
What do u do with your house when your gone?
Jeez!! He did it again.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I heard Godzilla was attacking Japan!
Luke, I AM your mother!
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
What did Michael Jackson say to a little kid at the Star Wars premiere?
They haven't found my Star Wars episode III dvd yet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you keep going back through the security checkpoint at the airport?
I have x-ray vision.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why did you cry when you looked at that guy's crotch?
Kill the rabbit!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Out of curiosity, does is hurt to have a rabbit gnawing on your elbow?
I really want to go somewhere fun.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
But, I gave you the list of sights to see, now, what's wrong?
umm.... you?
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Have you ever slept with a transexual?
Mark Twain was the greatest American philosopher!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
So, how was your day?
low on health...must....spank....mmonkeys.
[ May 20, 2005, 10:28 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Did you know that, when you're over 75, abusing monkeys can improve your health by nearly 30 percent?
Because it was yellow, of course.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why on EARTH did you buy that incredibly ugly rug?
And then the pink elephants came.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You dreamed that Hillary Clinton was president?
Keep politics out of this!
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
What is your opinion, Mr Card, about Mark Antony's character in Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar"?
Three, and in a row!
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Those ducklings are too cute.
Scoot, scoot!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
scott, scott?
Han Solo is the coolest.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Why don't you like Han duo?
It's the caffiene.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
I think it was the chuckles.
Though, the audicence, that night, was chock-full of guffaws.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
(damn, too slow.)
Why can't you spell caffeine?
Not many people seem to be able to spell.
Monsters everywhere!
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Where did you chec...?
Oh, I looked in the usual place.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Where did you find all these suspects?
Someone has to think up new cliches.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
It's raining cats, dogs and clichés.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
And question (I forgot):
"None" or "nun", depends how you look at it.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
How many bad habits do you have?
I am your worst nightmare!
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hello, young man. I understand you're going to take my daughter out?
(Hester, your question was funny on so many levels... )
Peter Prepper parked perilously at the precipice.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
And then the bears rode in.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
And then what happened at your family reunion?
Stuffed I say!
edit:i asked 2 question.....whoops
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
How did he want his body treated after he died?
oh no, the helicopter is coming!
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
They'll never find out we have the "borrowed" tapes.
Heads
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
What comes before "shoulders, knees and toes"?
It's time to go.
Posted by Dread Pendragon (Member # 7239) on :
Don't I get a last meal, or something?
You take the dohicky and whack it with the thingamajig.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
What are your duties as judge of the court?
You mean the one with the big ears and stubby legs?
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Did you feed my dog while I was away?
Dude, I bought a Dell!
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
What did the farmer say when his wife asked him why he was so excited?
Sorry about that. But he's in a better place now.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Didn't you promise I could be in the same homeroom as George?
Bigger than a breadbox.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
How big is yours?
Happy people scare me.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Could you explain why you avoid the preschool show Barney?
Next time I'll remember the jackets.
Posted by Dread Pendragon (Member # 7239) on :
Sarge, I've started a shrapnel collection. Want to connect the dots on my back and see what picture appears?
Only on the bravest mention it.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I like kitties!
Spoiler, harry potter turns out to actually be voldemort.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Could you tell me something that could ruin my whole day?
MasterCard is obviously the solution to all our problems.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Master Chief has turned evil, what will we do?
At least you're not a zombie.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you say to cheer up a depressed ghost?
I'm so blue.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What did the blue man group groupie say to the green day groupie?
Tuna.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
What is the most vulgar sandwich ever made?
Cockatiels
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What were you drinking when you finally figured out that you'd had ENOUGH?
Too many feathers.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why didn't you drink the cockatiels too?
Eata kitty?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the worst brand name you can think of for a foriegn food restaurant?
Drop On Inn.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
What's the name of that brothel you run?
And I'm sure Grandma is thankful.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Did you know that Grandpa was run over by a reindeer?
Yes, he was always an idiot.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
bigger never implies better, let alone understandin', even under the worst of retro-reagonomics.
*purchases a home in Watts in the face of indredulity on the part of his soul-wringing financiers*
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
bob S,
please?
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What is the size of an average ArtScroll(R) Siddur or Machzor?
One; one & one; one & two; one & three; one & four; on & five; one & six; one & seven. (This one is for rivka mainly.)
JH
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
"Q": Sorry, I forgot to go to Page 132...
"A": I think I'm a little crazy.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why did you answer a question intended for rivka?
Best toilet ever!
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
So, what'd u think of that tree?
We are letting this game die!!!
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
How long until this nonlandmark thread is put into the archives?
Griffin
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
who's going to answer this question?
Death to the Death star!
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Could you find a way to make an obvious Star Wars pun?
No way, I'd probably end up digested.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Want to bathe in bile?
A paper clip can hold it together.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
What do you want to do with this building? It's about to fall apart.
I never reall have like her.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Did that Linguistics major really break up with you over grammar issues?
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Hey, as long as we're here, let's go see the golden gate bridge.
Infidel!
Posted by 0range7Penguin (Member # 7337) on :
Orson Scott Card who's that?
The British are coming!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why is everything for dinner boiled?
You know you secretly agree with me.
Posted by Damander (Member # 4439) on :
That's disgusting! Why would you want to microwave a baby?!?
Please, shoot me now.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Want to go to an Elton John Concert?
Wally'sWorld, definitly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where will you find "The Beav" being tortured slowly, 24/7?
Not on Nick At Nite.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Where will you find "The Beav" being tortured slowly, 24/7?
Happy hamburgers.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
How would you describe the food at the restaurant at the end of the universe?
Harvey birdman, attorney at law.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Who was that masked, feathered barrister?
Yes, but they can only have small doses, so be careful.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Can I give your flowers some Miracle-Gro?
Wait until the company leaves.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Are we allowed to play with the copier?
Yes, we can.....or maybe I mean no, we can't.....I don't know!!!!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Hey, can we go out to dinner tonight?
I wouldn't...I tried it, and you see what happened.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Can I use the "shrink to fit" option to get my body to fit into this outfit?
Squishy isn't the same thing as cuddly.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Would you like to hold my dog made out of pudding?
I didn't understand the question.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Now do you understand what I need from you?
Not now, Ernest, I'm flossing.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I think I'll make a movie about me going to the bathroom!
Or not.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
I thought about Napster way before - but I was sleeping, and then that WRETCH stole it from me. That's why it's called NAPster! Right?
Because he's SCOTTISH.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why do you think Seth Green is quotable?
BUY "JINGLE ALL THE WAY" NOW!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was Govenor Scwarteneger's last executive order?
Vote for me so I'll be back.
Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Try it again govenor, but this time put the emphasis on I'll be back.
Don't say it!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
I know all of the numbers of pi by heart until the 1000000th digit! Wanna hear?
I don't think that's very Christian of you.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
What's Schwartzenegger's campaign slogan for US Presidency?
Unto the English Weather.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What do you call your poem about the neutered goats in the London fog wearing men's cologne?
Scratch that somewhere else!
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Do you think they will catch on? *scratch*
Wait'il you see who I've trained those breezy fleas to please.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Am I the only one who doesn't understand that answer?
A: I believe I asked for no fingers in this chili......
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
True, but you asked to be "bowled over", didn't you Stevie?
That's what he passed me, as meagre as it was, but he still asked me to take a bite. Now what would you do?
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
What I want to know is, why on earth would you even think of putting a glowing cookie offered you by a strange homeless man in your mouth?
The stars are stranger than my sandwich.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Nice plain peanut butter sandwich.
Flying ninjas in space!
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
What's the name of the next Jackie Chan movie?
Warm brownies and ice cream.
Posted by TL (Member # 8124) on :
What could be better than vegemite?
A loud crack outside your window, twice.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What were you doing last night?
kaboom!
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
What did the dynomite say when it met the fire?
Yes, that does hurt.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Was that love that made you cry?
No it was the whip
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: It looks like you are hanging dead from that tree. By any chance, did they use a fishing net to hang you? I can't really tell.
A: That radioactive cockroach is eating my brother.
Posted by Sartorius (Member # 7696) on :
Q: Why are you pouring all that Raid down the drain?
A: Birds eat it, I think.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
What are you planning to do with those little green blobs of deadly poison?
I think NOT!
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Descartes walks into a bar. The bar tender says would you like a beer. He disapears. What does he say?
It's not you, it's the Jive Stick!
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
What? You don't like my driving?
I think the parking brake is still on.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Dammit, !@#$%^& Toyota! It won't let me reverse out of the parking lot!
Because they have six limbs but only use two!
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Why did Nash beat Shaq in the Mvp battle?
Lions, and tigers, and........platypi?
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
quote: platypi
Platipodes!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Now, wait one second. What did you say they saw in the forest? I'm not sure that is right.
A: I spent three years talking in nothing but obscure movie quotes. Lets see you beat that!
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Q: I've written a 3,000 page book about techniques how not to get papercuts.
A: If the game rules permitted me to reply, I'd say that I've joined Hatrack.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
If you could share one thought with the BtQ readers, what would it be?
You all up in my grill and you aint even invited to the barbecue.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
What did you tell the chickens in the grill?
Uh... Duh! If not for that, who would kill the bird?
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
So, do you like our new machine that kills the chickens?
Not once, not twice, but thrice.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Q: I need to complete my sonnet here -
A gate you see and you are awestruck then, You view and gaze: the Gates of Paradise. You are within the Lord’s one homely den, And with your tongue recite a blessing _____; You are conned to Lordship beautiful, Above the lands of beauty and John Bull.
- How do I fill in the blank?
A: IN THE NAME OF THE LORD, I ANNOUNCE THEE... petty.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
tank girl, where you been?
the panzers of the effete unite!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What did Gerhard Schroeder say to get the German people so enthusiastic lately?
I need a really heavy-duty paper cutter.
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
Bob, as torturer of the month, what would you like your prize to be?
My creative juices are just gushing!
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What's that spot on the floor?
Sand in my hair, lust in the air, and a really stupid dare.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Your favourite sonnet?
Run! Flee! They are marching with discipline!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are those ants doing the macarena?
It looks like a little volcano.
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
How can you tell a chigger bite from a freckle?
Cheap date.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Wanna see my chigger bite?
Surprisingly, this isn't the worst one I've been on.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
Are you enjoying this tour of the garbage disposal plant?
Oh, that's a Greek festival.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Where are all the Romans?
Dodger Stadium; listening to Vin Sculley.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Where are you and what are you doing?
What? No. Well, yes. Okay, but not so hard.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Can I poke your eye?
It was either Yoda or Soda.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Ugh, what was that green blob full of gas that just zoomed by?
Revenge is inevidible.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Your friend gave you a cold, but what can you do about it?
That's mighty tough talk for someone with the sniffles.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Hang ober thad hanky, or else . . . *snuffle*
The sun sets in the east these days.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
How can you tell that the Duke's mindset triumphed in America?
Politics are not fluff!
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Why should the public tune in to debates?
We usually are off-key.
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
As the director, what would you say sets an off-Broadway production apart from the other productions in this city?
Winter is coming.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
So I hear you're a seasoned meteorologist. Is this true?
Not particularly.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Did anyone come up with a question for your answer?
I was just trying to help.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why is all my underwear pink?
Now she's on the wrong side of the road.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Where did she, go, my "Pink Panzer" of patriotism?
Ah, here she is. Resting comfortably in the wrong parking lot. Silly goose.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Have you seen my mother lately?
His first wife had eighteen kids, and his second wife had 18 kids, and his third wife only had 6.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So why did your crazy friend finally give up on dominating the Senate?
There's one born every day, somewhere.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Have you ever seen a purple cow?
Well, I think it's too hot for that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
If I'm broiling my salmon in the oven, can I also pop in my cheesecake?
No! Not the RED button!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
There are 90 seconds left of this one-hour drama. There's no way we can get everything wrapped up in that amount of time. Should I just push the "To Be Continued" button?
Cliffhangers are evil.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you say that Clifford Lacey is evil?
I didn't even know that they came in that size.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What did you think of the new baby?
Only small children, maybe.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
What's for lunch?
Yes, I saw it last night.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Have you seen the new B-rated teen vampire flick, "High School Sucks"?
I would, but I really have to get some sleep.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Who wants to go on strike against the Counting Sheep?
Those things are for squares.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who ordered the round pegs?
Good luck fitting them together.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Look! I got a new purple shirt with cyan spots and a fungus-green pair of pants with cross-braced brick-patterns painted orange!
Because that's that; end of subject *changes subject*.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Why did you roll up that sleeve and light that cigar?
*ashes*
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
How does Sean Connery curse at the movie crew?
Carefully, or else we all eat apples.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How must I attach this lightbulb?
Ground up meat bits.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
What does human flesh taste like, if you serve it on a hamburger?
I had the pizza with green olives.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
OSC, what happened to your landmark - and please don't change the subject!
It seemed to vanish...
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
...upon daybreak? Or nappy-time noon?
It all went down at Sunset & Vein.
Posted by Dr. Evil (Member # 8095) on :
Where exactly did you shoot up your drugs?
Follow through on your backswing.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
How do I get to Princes Avenue?
Well of course the wall is denser than JFK's head!
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
Do you think that wall is denser than JFKs head?
SPOOOOOOONNN! Posted by Mr.Gumby (Member # 6303) on :
So what do you like to do in bed?
It's all in the pie.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, what do you like to do in bed?
Just put some whipped cream on it and stop whining.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
I'm sorry, are those...carrots...in the green jello?
All I'm saying is, he could have paid better attention.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
What do you see wrong with that guy? You should be nicer, not everyone gets their head stuck in a street sign.
Did you ever find that Cheeto you dropped a week ago?
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What's that orange thing in my drawer?
What?? Not AGAIN!!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Looks like we're having green jello with shredded carrots for desert.
I don’t usually stick things there; someone else must have done it.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
Let me get this straight... you didn't do it?
That's what she said.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is alluvion's great-great-great-grandmother's sister Auntie D'Alluvian?
I'd like a supersized parrot with that, please.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
Can I get you anything else Mr. Cleese?
Always peel your grapes.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Do you have any words of wisdom you would like to leave for your progeny after you die?
No, the correct term is infarction. And it doesn’t apply in this case.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Did you get a speeding ticket too?
It doesn't do anything, that's the beauty of it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is our new computer so slow?
Embrace the web in all its glory.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which E.B. White book would you recommend I read?
Not tonight, dear.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why don't we get dressed up and go out on the town for nice night of possum hunting, beer drinking, and general hootin' and hollerin'?
I'm afraid I can't allow that to happen.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Look, Honey, all we would need are two small firecrackers, some sticky tape and access to your mother’s cat.
Not if you place it there it won't!
[ June 26, 2005, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: Steev ]
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Will this Wonderbra make me beautiful?
I'm NOT signing that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Could you please put "with Love, Arthur C. Clarke?"
It's great to be hedgy, mon!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Given global warming, why are you investing in Jamaican bobsleds?
This job just got interesting.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Um . . . did a man in a gorilla suit just walk by your office carrying a naked woman?
He called me a cantaloupe.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What made you slap the fruit vendor?
No, but if I try hard enough, I'm sure something will happen.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Has your levitation project gotten off the ground yet?
Well, only if you go first.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Want to try some of this Pink Gatorade?
It disappears and the sock slips off.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can't you use Chlorox on clothes with elastic?
Go ahead, but it's probably contageous.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
Let's buy a DVD of Parkinson!
Because England is blowing up.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why did they schedule the Olympics in London?
No, I think it's suspiciously more minty fresh than it should be.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Is this thing from the bottom of the urinal a lozenge?
Not even The Torch from Fantastic Four.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Is there anything that can give me a nice, all-over suntan?
Just what you'd expect from a superhero.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
How tasty is that new hoagie sandwich made with WonderPig Pork?
All I need is two potatoes, 3 inches of copper wire, and a suitcase filled with grape jelly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How are going to make a Super-Hero Sandwich?
I find that hard to stomach.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Did you like my last question?
It hurts when you put it like that.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Aren't you glad I happened to have a rectal thermometer here?
I got the fever!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why are you naked in a kiddie pool full of ice?
Well, I suppose, but that's going to be a very awkward conversation.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Could you ask the nurse if its safe to ingest bottle rockets?
Only the finest rum Idaho has to offer.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
This drink tastes like spuds...what did you say it was?
Don't you dare--that's got a lock on it for a reason!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you mind if I pick my nose?
On the second shelf, behind the mayonnaise.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Where's your wife?
Sure, if I'm feeling particularly adventurous.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Can you write a sonnet in 30 seconds?
The cat ate it!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen the Meow Mix?
I know an old woman who swallowed a fly.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
My grandmother's dying and I don't know why...
Four days!!!!!
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
How long were you in labor?
It's in the phone book.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What are you trying to sell to my kids?!?
It's slobberin' time!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
How do you think we'll find a cure for the Chicken Pox?
Deux ex machina, duh!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what car does Zeus drive?
Not a Saturn.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What would you say makes the best toast?
Sure, if you sprinkle enough hair on it.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Mind if I pop this DVD in?
Seems like that would be bad for the computer.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Hey Hamson, wanna cyber?
The Wizard of Oz
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you know there's a farmer in the dell?
He took a wife, child, cow, pig, goat, and chicken.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Did he take advantage of the huge sale at Walmart?
No more than 3 this time!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
To simplify math, we are assigning a new value to pi; what should it be?
Nesselrode pie.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's that floating in my orange juice?
Last year when I steechered in the ocean.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
When was the last time you bathed?
You can always pour some tabasco sauce on it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What should I do when my sister-in-law gives me the cold shoulder?
I'm just glad to see you.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
What's with the funny look?
I swear, that's the way I found it.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
You used Google!?!?
Write it in permanent marker.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What should I use to write 'BunnV likes to eat children' all over your house when your away next weekend?
I forgot to answer!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why didn't you say anything when I asked you if you had good memory?
Posters, posters, posters!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What rhymes with toasters, toasters, toasters?
I only did it because he did it too.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Why are you naked in my tub thumbwrestling with my brother?
Your actions speak for themselves!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
I keep hearing voices describing what I'm doing, but I can't see anybody talking. What's going on?
ComicCon in San Diego.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
It was supposed to be fun.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why'd you set me on fire?!
Just put a little elbow grease in it.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
WAITER! There's a FLY in my SOUP!
A three-legged Dodge!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What do you call the alien who controls the tripod from War of the Worlds, when he tries to avoid getting drafted?
It always turns green and starts to smell like my feet.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How can you tell if the cream cheese has spoiled?
Forty-two
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What is nine times seven?
Ok, but this time you wear the tutu.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did the swan tell the hunter on their honeymoon?
Nine times seven is not 42.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
What do you mean I bought a really cheap calculator???
If the shoe fits...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean my sneaker size is 9x7?
That's not your cheese.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Why won't you let me cushion my tennis shoes?
If we're on the top of a skyscraper.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
So under what circumstances can we join this so-called "half-mile high club"?
Yeah, um, maybe something or.....well, I'm not sure but, I think I would...that is if you want to, but not if you don't....though if you do, then, yeah, definitely.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Are we going to be decisive, for once?
Spider-Man!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What is a modern impression of a centaur?
Because OSC said it's 42!
Posted by Goo Boy (Member # 7752) on :
Why do most people here say it's 47?
It should take about a billion more years.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
How long till the sequal to Lovelock comes out?
Ah, the smell of grass.
Posted by citadel (Member # 8367) on :
Did you take your shoes off again?
I slipped on a mustard covered banana peel.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
My you smell divine tonight! And is that a new dress?
Right next to the cloak.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Hey, where'd you put your time machine and Big Foot?
I think you mean the guy with no torso.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this a bust?
I call that planning a head.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Did I tell you I bought a skull that can tell the future?
I was standing right in front of you the entire time.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did the invisibility potion work?
No, it's in Mississippi.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Isn't that river in Mexico?
You forgot that my hand was in there.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Poker?
What a card!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which is more popular, the author of "Ender's Game" or the Ace of Spades?
In a minute, dear.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
When will we call the guy to fix the dishwasher that's been dead for the past three years?
Because I never expected the ending to be so.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Why do you end your sentences while still incomplete?
The new Harry Potter.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why were there a bunch of kids in black robes storming the Wal-Mart at midnight?
It's like a pimple, only bigger, and more painful.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What would an explosive hemisphere look like?
Gah! The things!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What smells?
Nope, it's in my other pocket.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
The routine: Spctacles, *********, wall... Wait! WHERE'S YOUR WALLET?
Because moonburns aren't for onions.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why did you kill your imagninary friend?
Perhaps there are more where it came from.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Awww it's so cute. Do you know a way I could get some more of these tribbles?
Somewhere out there, probably even past Neptune.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Where do you live?
Many many servings!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What's in a Pringles 200G container?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Jonathan, you thread-killer. You didn't include an answer. I don't want to hear that you're too sleep-deprived to be responsible. Get to sleep!
And, oh yeah,
Blue. No! Green!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
I think I'm choking, what color am I turning?
Dancing is the only way to fix that.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Quick, Tante has tuberculoses! I need a cure!
Third door to the left once you pass the bamboo plant.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Where is the cane factory?
That's a whopper.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Ewww, whats this green cylinder in your fridge marked Dec '98?
It's best when it's hot.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why aren't you eating your baked Alaska?
I do NOT have tuberculosis (cough cough).
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Hey can I have your stereo when you're gone?
Because it won't let me sink my teeth into it.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Why are you sucking on a hambuger?
Only 84 more days to go!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How long before the copy of Harry Potter that you reserved at the library comes available?
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
This magainze says that one of the symptoms for tuberculosis is halucinations. Isn't that weird?
The big bad wolf.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What are you afraid of?
My tests came back negative, but I've still got these hallucinations. (cough cough)
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Are you pregnant?
Sand is more grainy than you think.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Whoa, why are you dancing and hopping around my living room?
I hope I can make it that long.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Think we can ration these 6 sandwiches to last us the course of 4 years?
I found a ray gun.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is there a charred area where the television used to be?
Why, you little...Why, I oughta... <sputters>
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Shouldn't you see an anger management councelor?
The wires-- they're always in the way.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How come every time I walk to your house on 20 ft tall stilts, I always manage to fall before I get to the front door?
BunnV, Tante Shvester, and Hamson.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who are the biggest question beggars around?
In one ear and out the other.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
At your height, what route could you possibly take through the cornfield?
Not if I get there first, you don't!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
From now on, I will be the only one to pick my nose!
The Horrific Hamster shall never stop!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Will that squeaky exercise wheel keep me up all night?
That's the beauty of it -- it doesn't DO anything.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
So how's that compassionate conservative deal work again?
Somebody had to say it!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Do you have any idea what that just did to my hamster's self esteem???
Oh, go with the parallel stripes.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When we repaint the pavement markings, do you think we should try the paisley this time?
I'll have the cucumber salad.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What will you do when everyone turns into a cucumber?
A paper towel so sturdy it can break through brick walls.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What diabolic device did they use to kill Mr. Clean?
I feel so dirty, yet minty fresh.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What in heavens did you do to that little child handing out the mentos?
It's a job only fit for a small rabbit, or possibly, an excentric gopher.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Can you wash my car?
Because it doesn't fit in my pocket.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is there a banana in your ear?
Gesundheit!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Whats the german word for health?
It's the length of a hockey stick.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How long is a hockey stick?
Up the stairs, first door on your right.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Where can I find your torture chamber?
The more pain the merrier!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What do you call it, when someone acts more and more like a hobbit when you smack him?
Can't you see I'm bored out of my mind!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Mind if I have a stab at you with a blunt knife?
Edit: Damn! I had to get my dog out of my room. You answered you own...
If you really wanted to....
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha?
I'm the Spice girl they don't talk about much.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Paprika, why are you wearing such slutty clothes?
It's not a thread, it's a flippin' ROPE!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
This floss seems unusually thick... Did you tamper with it?
Camel is the secret ingredient!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'd walk a mile for a plate of this stew -- what's in it?
It's like a migraine, only better.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Why do run a home daycare center?
Leaves, wires, and a big spoonful a butterscotch pudding.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What should I feed my pet porcupine?
No, it's just you.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
There has to be many more people that feel as lonely as I do, right?
Butter! The more the better.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What's with my roommate's sanguine humor?
The buttons are too small-- I can't even see them.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How come you never send me text messages from your new PDA?
Moonshine, honey! It was the moonshine!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Why were you howling all last night?
I can stick like 20 or so toothpicks in between all the gaps in my teeth.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Bachelor #3: If we were eating together in a really fancy restaurant, what would you do to make me feel comfortable and at home?
I heard that it had something to do with her pet geese.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do they call her "Mother Goose" anyway?
I said NO! Well, maybe...
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Do you want to commit crimes against humanity with me?
Only if it tastes like aspartame.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Would you kill for the insides of a Unicorn?
I can do it 10 times as fast! And get less foot aches while doing it!
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
What did you brag about in the last onanism thread?
I'm not drunk enough.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Wanna rent a Kevin Costner film?
It's all about water.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What's the best thing about 2000 leagues Under the Sea?
Mushiness is grand.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you sum up, in three words, why you think you are the right candidate for the position of Hallmark card poet?
Here I am!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Who's the one who thought it would be funny to put all of this powdered jello in my boots?(and who has over 700 posts in less than 2 months)
Edit: alright, in the time it took me to type this, you made 6 more posts.
I'm not even gonna answer that.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Do you like my dress?
You and all the other broccoli eating people in the world!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who farted?
I'm shooting for the prolific poster award.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why did you just splatter that entire plate of spighetti and meat balls onto the wall?
Uhhh...that's why they invented Aluminum Foil.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you keep Saran Wrap from melting into your food in the oven?
He's on top of the clock tower.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where's the baby?
The place we're at is pretty big.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Where's Big Ben?
"Flattery Twats", the sign said.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
These biscuits are delightful! What did you say they are called?
Not just any rabbit, a GIANT rabbit.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Please define the English player Gough.
Breep.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Don't you hate how the government has censored profanity in our spoken language?
I don't know if I enough teeth to do that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How would you like to be our new goalie?
The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves.
Posted by lazarus (Member # 7682) on :
Why do we always fight, Popeye?
That's what the bear said.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where did you say we traced that string of earthquakes to?
Edit: you know what, Im tired of people posting seconds before me
Because I did it too quickly.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why does your drawing of this house look like cookies?
I don't know how to play the piano.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
WHY DO YOU ARE SO NOISY ?
I took my BFG9000 and erased all those monsters who didn't get out of my way.
Posted by not hansenj (Member # 8066) on :
Honey, where are the kids?
The frosting is melting!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Break a paradox.
That was the Hertzprung Diagram.*
*Astro-mathematical joke.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear the one about George Jetson's dog and Euclid?
Thank you, I think I will!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Here, take this tube of toothpaste and smear it all over the kitchen floor.
Erm... didn’t you mean to ask bachelor #2 that question?
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Here, take this bucket of pudding and chug it in 3 minutes. Or I'll kill you.
Edit: If anyone else posts 30sec before me, Im quitting.
Well the robot agreed with me...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you rent "Plan Nine from Outer Space" instead of "The Seventh Samurai" like I asked you to?
I'm going to mutter, bang my head against the wall, and mutter some more.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How about I get you a blanket, and you lay down on the couch while you get over that nasty concussion?
Winning the Prize!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you hope to acheive with all these beggardly questions?
If you insist.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can I keep all the calculators I find when cleaning your house?
Kangaroos are not intended for children under the age of 12.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you sell kangaroo jockey helmets in children's sizes?
AnteTay anCay alkTay inAy igPay atinLay evenAy oughThay eShay isAy osherKay.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Have you qualified to enter into the underground Hatrack Pig Latin club?
I hope everybody is watching Conan.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you find a good daycare center for your little barbarian?
Not with your fingers, please.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Is it ok for me send you email?
I'm older than you think, my friend.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you really the only octogenarian accordianist in town?
It's called radio.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Holmes, behold! A clue! What is this large murder device...and from is that horrific noise coming?
Clearly, you've been spending too much time playing bridge with Saddam.
Posted by Brian J. Hill (Member # 5346) on :
Wait, you mean to tell me that the guy with the worst facial hair DOESN'T always get to lead?
Crap! The banana pudding gives me away EVERY time!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Are you "Swamp Thing" again this year?
Sometimes it's black but it likes being red most of the time.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How's your checkbook balance?
John, Paul, George and Ringo.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Who do you think are the four greatest composers of the twentieth century?
OR: What do you call those four long hairs growing out of your nose?
I think your G string is a little flat, Mr. Guitar Man.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Hey, kid, why are you tugging on my pants?
Only if you'll let me leave when it's over.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you like my musical speedo?
edit: Drat you Megan, beat me to it. try: Wanna see my slide show of my families trip to Hoover Dam where they tried to leave me behind, tied to a cement block at the bottom of the lake, but were stopped and arrested for hazardous waste dumping and it made the national news and such? Huh, huh, do ya? Let me remove the gag and loosen up the chains so you can answer.
That is an image that burns the eyes.
[ July 22, 2005, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
No matter where I look, why do I see Michael Jackson starring in a remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
Because Marilyn Manson was already scheduled.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you like my "Still Life with Habaneros"
It's like a mole, only juicier.
(edit: Drat, our host beat me!)
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
For OSC: Why on earth did you get George Carlin to entertain for your daughter's birthday party?
For Tante: Why do you use squirrel meat in your stews?
Yes, but that only works if you turn it on first.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you try Ctrl-Alt-Delete?
Right.....NOW!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, when are you leaving for your month-long backpacking trip through the Andes?
Green, I think. Green and blue.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If I blow in her ear, will she follow me anywhere? edit: Ok, that one was really late. try?
Is it less easy being Purple or Pink?
Try a mouth wash first.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
For having so many lights in my bedroom, it sure is dark in here. I think I may have to get ahold of customer service.
Smokin' salmon!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do your cigars smell so fishy?
It's what you call that lumpy bone just behind the ear.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the number 187 substitute used by those attempting to give up cigarettes?
EDIT: OK, that's three in a row that came out late. grrrr.
Trye this:
Where is my brain today?
I find that hard to swallow.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
For Tante: What's the thing, you know, the thing on the pirate flag, you know, with the crossed bones?
For Dan: Hey, would you like to eat some of this 30-lb. canteloupe?
No, I'm sorry, you'll have to wait til next year.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can I post on Hatrack?
Frodo did it no problem
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Wanna dance the Lambada with Samwise Gamgee?
Lord of the Dance vs Lord of the Ring
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What's the most recent pointless debate circulating on the forums?
With the weather like it is, I don't think that's an option.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Don_raven: What is the smackdown you most want to see?
ludosti: Hello, 9-1-1?
Megan: Want to lie out and tan with me?
This is getting too crowded.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who's on tonight's Celebrity Deathmatch?
I'm sorry, all customer disservice representatives are currently frustrating other callers.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
{weird. I posted AFTER ludosti, but my post appeared first. I mean, how else did I see HIS post?}
{Oh, wait. ludosti probably edited his post. Or not. Does editing change the order?}
{Anyway}:
Hello, 9-1-1?
This is getting too crowded.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
(I think the server's being a little buggy right now - this thread seemed to be kinda stuck for a while - Oh, and I'm a her )
What do the voices in your head tell you?
I recall a vague impression of disquiet.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What, exactly, do you remember about your trip to the studios where they produce Barney?
Perhaps it's a time warp.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Why did you think ludosti was a male?
I am NOT running for city council, thank you very much.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Isn't it great that Uncle Orson has been more involved in Hatrack River lately?!
Only if I can do the polka.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
May I use your restroom?
The magnets make my arms stretchier.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why are you so obsessed with having an MRI?
I want a flying pet monkey.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Happy Birthday, Elphaba! What did you wish for?
It's either Stair Master, Ticket Master, of Master Card.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Happy graduation! What's your Masters in?
A frame.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do the Chinese blow out on their birthday candles?
It's not you, it's me.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
Whhhaaaaa oooooohhhh !!! pfffff !! I am tooootally druuuunkkk. I doooon't knoooooow hooow i cannnn driiiiive...
And after a moment, the bottle get out my glance.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
You said you felt terribly hungry after you drank that whole beer?
Louder but with a bit more umph.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Did you like that one, or should I belch again?
Pass me the Pepsi.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
Can you get down the building with mega glue balls on hands and foot ?
Let me alone !
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Hey kid, want some candy? Just jump in the car!
That is so creepy I disturb even myself.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why have you been looking in the mirror for so long?
Glass! It's made of Glass! Not bubble gum. Sheesh.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How come whenever I chew on this, It makes my mouth bleed?
I will not tolerate all the numbers in this store.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Why are you writing the alphabet on all our merchandise with a Sharpie?
Really? But it tastes so good!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Um, you do know that's your leg, right?
You're supposed to wait until the milk is not in the cow anymore.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How am I suppose to fit this calf in my fridge?
Rubberbands have oh so many uses.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
How did you get constepation this time?!
Lord of the Flies vs Lord of the Rings.
[ July 23, 2005, 02:50 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What project do you think the makers of "Alien vs. Predator" should take on next?
I do declare.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you picked a major yet?
Major Pain!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who court martialed General Electric?
That is why I enlisted.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
They shave your head for free??
I only have 2 toes left.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Aren't those pointy shoes kinda bad for your feet?
Lick UP! Up!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
How was your Christmas trip staying in an igloo in the Northern Territory?
It looks alright by candlelight.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Isn't my face gross?
This lightbulb is crunchy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you hate when your socks get soggy?
When I'm good and ready, that's when.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
So when did you say your going to join the North American Sumo league?
They say it can be done using only a wet rag.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you teach me how to breathe underwater?
Somebody took all the black keys off my accordian.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
You wanna buy some black accordian keys? I have just the amount for your accordian, and they are at a discount price of only $7 each!
The Keebler elfs can.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If Galadriel and Elrond fail to stop Sauron, whom can we count on?
Count Dracula or Count Chocula.
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
Who's that in your bed?
Just put bandaid on it and shut up!
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What should I do now that my arm has been severed?
I'm sure the Queen won't mind.
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
I lost the King's Viagra, what should I do?!
Yeah, that's the REAL reason the sky is blue.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Who used up all the Windex?
It can heal everything.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did you get that Tyranosaus to walk politely at your side?
You are a trainer of men.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Digging Holes: Why are there empty beer cans all around your apartment?
Dan Raven: Why aren't you letting me teach the pigs anymore?
Aww, it's not that much blood....
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Your red velvet cake recipe calls for WHAT?
Hey! That's not politically correct!
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
Is asphault black?
Thick, cheesy discharge.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What exactly is the "special sauce" on these burgers?
That's why they wear wetsuits.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How do the mer-people not get hypothermia from spending so much time in cold water?
Sanitation folks.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know a way to get rid of the vermin in my living room?
Ta Ta and Cheerios!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
So what's for dinner?
Simple. Break the door down then take everything.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How should I choose among Curtain Number One, Curtain Number Two, Curtain Number Three, or the Door Where Carol Merrill is standing?
This 18th to 19th Century Romantic Poet may best be known for his "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud".
(TV game shows -- gotta love 'em)
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Hey, can you tell me a little about your roommate and why you think he's always daydreaming?
Staring directly into the sun for an hour will do that to most of us.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What happened to your pupils?
I've had it in jumbo size.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Doesn't having given birth to a baby seem unbelievably painful?
I think a screwdriver will make that job easier.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Mommy, can I poke my brother in the eye with a spoon?
Muskrats, definitely.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Please shuffle the letters of "ydlmukstar tenifies" to make sense.
That's why he was called sir Don Bradman.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Is it offensive if I call the male cricket players M'am?
On the eastern side of Ethiopia.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Where's the nearest grocery store?
Plain as the nose on my face.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What do you think about Ben Stein's personality?
Fluffy stuffed animals.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What reaches into your soul and wrenches your heart, moving you uncontrollably to a passionate shedding of tears?
Just don't disturb the head lice.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Are you sure you want me to use the chainsaw to do this?
The ringing won't stop.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you tried a water softner?
Funny, this doesn't taste like lime.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what were the botonists last words after he bit into the poisonous green mojo fruit?
MMMMmmmm fruityliscous.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
::Gasp:: Where's my antfarm???
Weird, I thought I had pointed it west.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Dude, did you know you just blew up Boston?
Well, it's plain that he's not a mind reader.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Pick a number between 1 and 10. Is it 29?
Its always 29
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
How many jelly beans do you think you'll get up your nose today?
That's because I think they should be pink.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Why do you always call them "pink elephants" when they are grey?
It is a square peg.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why is this basketball not bouncing very high?
The culprit is soup!
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
If it wasn't the butler, then who did it?
Because they're just special.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you call it "Soup du Jour" instead of just "Soup of the Day"?
Out! Out Damned Spot!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What are you doing with that blowtorch?
This topic is CLOSED.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Q: You mongeral little WRETCH! LET ME REPLY!
A: I honour this to greatest Glenn McGrath, A man towards whom I shall gaze up high: For Glenn, my friend, is Cricket’s noble star, So is Shane Warne whose bouncers reach the sky; Gillespie and Brett Lee bowl just to tire The English team, with Gilchrist right behind; Both Clarke and Martyn bat and don’t expire, Whilst Ricky Ponting elds with his mind. When Hayden opens – Langer makes his move, And Katich rounds-up all to share a part; So England at this rate does not improve, And Team Australia plays with all its heart. Remember that when England cannot play, Its nemesis – Australia – has its day! Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is your favorite sports team? (Please state your answer in the form of a sonnet)
I dunno. Frogs, I guess. Either that or darkness.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What do the French deserve?
People Cannot Memorise Computer Indusry Acronyms.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
PCM-CIA? Is that a group of politically correct members of the Central Intelligence Agency?
Definitely not Blood or Boils.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Next question on the Cosmo quiz: if you could pick any biblical plague to be afflicted with, which one would it be?
No, I think you'd fail no matter what I did.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you mind if I buddy-jump with you on our skydiving practical exam?
Either locusts or lice.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
So what's that wriggling around in your hair?
Well I thought jello bounced more...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why not try that move on a trampoline?
No, no! Not plague! Plaque!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Ew! So, what is it the dentist said you had on your teeth? Locusts? or maybe flies?
I'll be done with it at noon; you can have it then.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I've got something stuck between my teeth, too; do you happen to have any more of that floss?
I take it black.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
May I have your wife tomorrow?
There is no answer.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
Blue Ball and Intercourse.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Any big plans for this weekend?
This ice makes no sense.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Alright, we've got your chile peppers, your five-alarm chili, and your extra spicy buffalo wings. What's the problem with the buffet?
Your answer must be in the form of a question.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
I'm a banana!
Chewing on shards of metal won't help.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Have you ever been so angry you could spit nails?
I feel like chicken tonight!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are you cackling?
They're making headlines!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do they bang their forehead into the counter edge over and over again?
That is one way to relieve the pain of an ingrown toe nail.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Just where do you think you are going with that machete, young man?
With a Sharpie, of course.
Posted by firebird (Member # 1971) on :
When one can't use a blunt instrument (cruelty ... you know) with what does one remove in growing toe nails?
The newest phenomenen of sound and blend.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you heard the latest album they're selling at Starbucks?
Not "sorry" -- "sari".
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I'm sorry you speak like an American.
Because Tuborg Green Label is "Enjoyed Since 1880", but Tuborg Red Label is "Enjoyed Since 1895".
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why have you been nursing that same beer all evening?
Palpitations, cold sweats, and a buzzing in my ears.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
And all you said you ate was a cheeto?
You better get to 1000 posts before the end of the month or there will be some serious smack-down going on.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What can they do to me if I don't finish putting up their stupid fence by August?
Tante Shvester, for one.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
But who do you think will eat all my tastey dirty laundry and join me for skydiving afterwards?
This is the last straw.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I'm hungry *neigh*.
And the world turneth round.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Earth, I don't mean to offend, but I've meaning to ask you, why do you have a lisp and refer to yourself in third person?
Economics and blueberries.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What is this year's least-favourite university-course?
And that's why there are only eleven Zodiac signs.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Did you hear about Virgo’s little “indiscretion”?
That’s what you sound like when your tongue’s made out of plastic.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
"T'-t'-t'"?!
And ever since that dreadful day only ten zodiac signs remained.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
11/9/2001.
Milton's "The Bittle Boy Lost", "The Little Boy Found", "The Little Girl Lost" and "The Little Girl Found".
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you name three littles and a bittle?
Its fleece was white as snow.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Which one of the these coats did you order? Answer with a line from a lullaby, and you'll get a 5% discount.
I can do a lot more than that with it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you rope a calf with this lariat?
That's not what Funk and Wagnalls says.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
And then they are all like, "We're so cool, we could jump off a bridge and land on our eyebrows and still not sprain an ankle. We can also make candy canes come out of our ears with the touch of a button."
There are many other uses for the 'µ' sign.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
We were gonna put that on the keyboard, but then we thought, "How many people even know what the population mean is?"
Crest with Rice Krispies.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Welcome to McDonald's, would you like to try something from our new "Gross Menu"?
Cars like that don't need a name.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
If Microsoft built a car, what would it be called?
Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
No one can remember the words we put to this monstrosity, so we are just calling it "Hummer", OK?
Oops, Hamson beat me to it! That one was for BunnV, and this one is for Hamson:
Why did you think you could be the next great singing sensation girl group?
My elastic is giving way.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
You've been wearing those Fruit of the Looms for 18 years?! How are they holding up?
This is how a heart breaks.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are you dropping my Whitman's Valentine Sampler off the Empire State Building?
Good night, you've been a great audience!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
*Boo!*
Three hammers and a broomstick, or else you won't get it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do I have to do to get a cup of coffee around here?
Sing like you really mean it.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
*Puts hands on ears*, "la-la-la".
(Lottory results' announcement:) "And the Special Three Numbers that can double your winnings are: six, six, six!"
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Pssst, Jon, since I know you work at the Lotto drawings, you think you could call my numbers? They're 6, 6, and 6.
(Through loud speaker thing) "This is the police, come up with your hands down!"
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did he SAY to make all the kidnappers bust out laughing?
I left my heart in San Francisco.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How'd the transplant donation go?
You didn't really need it anyway.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'd give my right arm for a chance to pop Osama in the nose!
Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
It's not a crime to masturbate in the cellar!
It's a crime to masturbate in the cellar.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What could you possibly say to get Papa Moose kill the granddaddy of all Hatrack threads?
Yep, that would do it all right.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Will this loaded gun persuade you to change your mind?
Rhum.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
If you put rum into a car as fuel, what'll the motor shound like?
One, one and one, one and two, one and three, one and four, one and five, one and six, one and seven.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you keep track of how much blood you are splattering around?
We'll sit in the back row, thank you.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
*Laugh at Tante's answer.*
Michael and Liz! Sit at the front row NOW! I've got to keep an eye on you!
I can't read that! It's in Jewish!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
St. Peter to Pope John Paul: Come right in, the combination to the gates are written right on the gate post.
Dr. Pepper or Sergeant Pepper.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
*Atchoo!* Why was that?
That was the longest day in my year! 10/07!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Tante: What should I adress your beverage by?
Jon: Which day was it that you took the plane ride westward from Ukelayat to Nome?
Looks like the Martians have finally captured our president, perhaps it's for the better.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is Dick Cheney re-arranging the furniture in the oval office?
It has four wheels. And flies!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why is grandma using her wheelchair to visit Mars?
You said it would be the size of a watermellon!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where do you want this watermellon?
Greeks oppressing demons.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What's the new Christian fraternity called?
Knock on wood!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's the new cool, "hip" thing for youngsters to do these days?
I reck'n it's 'bout 3 furlongs from this 'ere river.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Pardon me, my good sir, but would you be able to direct me to the Mark Twain festival?
Adam and Eve on a raft, and wreck 'em.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Who are those folk on that buoyant log contraption, and how should I deal with them?
No, I'm pretty sure they were on a giant frog.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you expound on Darwin's theory that the Galapagos islands were populated by animals drifting along on mats of vegitation carried by the ocean currents?
Four are the Mothers, Three are the Fathers.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Which of those ten adults are the parents of these two children?
That seems genetically impossible.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know why you should always wear a saddle when horseback riding? Well, my aunt used to ride bareback, and now my cousin is a centaur.
Seven fat cows, followed by seven skinny cows.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What got Joseph out of prison?
In technicolor, no less!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Isn't this coat just dreamy?!
When you wish upon as star.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When do you wish for a seat cooler?
That's beneath getting a cold shoulder
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
For ludosti: Is there ever a right time to be taking advice from crickets?
For Dan: Why did she slap me when I told her I thought she had a hot a**?
Mine has a blue cover.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Dan: How does it feel to be kicked in the groin when it's 40 below?
Tante: How do you like my new fluffy pink toilet?
Someday she'll figure it out.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How can I break my Hatrack adiction?
For forty days and forty rockin' nights.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How long were you at the pimp festival?
Oh, about 12 pounds.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Alright, just how much do you think this shirt would cost in London?
I'm thinking a shotgun and a noose.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Q: What's an ironic way to kill a shogun and a moose?
A: Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How much do you love M&M's?
I gave up being diabetic for this? <edit...yes, I know that's in the form of a question, but it's one of those interrogative statement thingies you've heard so much about. It's not really a question.>
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Your choices are Dr. Pepper, Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, or Ph.D. Black, a new licorice soda that is a higher degree of refreshment. Which would you like?
A higher degree of refreshment.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What were you trying to accomplish when you cooked that bottle of Gatorade?
I don't want to write right now.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Hi, this is Orson Scott Card speaking. I'm just calling because I wanted to ask you, one of my novels is being made into a movie would you like to help me with the screen play?
You haven't had enough refrigerator time.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Ic: If your parents aren't home, how come we aren't getting out your 24 set Crayolas and expressing our freedom of the press on the walls?
Bun: It's a little cramped in here with all these obscure vegtables... is that a persimmons I see?
I only needed it sharpened.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
The dentist: So Dracula, what seems to be wrong with your tooth today?
They're all going to laugh at you.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Hamson: It only took the mohel 15 seconds?!
Mandy: So when I give the speech I should imagine everyone's in their underwear? What about me? Should I be in my underwear too? Are these Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Underoos a good choice?
Frank Zappa
EDIT: Aw crap, I even hit refresh before submitting to make sure nobody beat me to it!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Whatcha gonna call your new rappin' album Ic?
That's on the list of things not to throw into the fan.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Hey! Look what I found on the front lawn!
Soggy Cheerios again.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did the dog eat for breakfast? (which goes with what was found on the front lawn)
That IS a funny smell.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you think there is a clown decomposing in the dumpster out back?
One is brown, but the other is green.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What color is your hair?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Doesn't water flow DOWNhill?
Any flavor except coconut.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's your favorite flavor of Bertie Bott's Beans?
The sardine flavor really gets to me.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Bachelorette Number 2, what is your biggest turn-on when you are getting romantic with your date?
I'll take the one in the window.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Which burglar would you like to dance with?
I can make my own for half the price!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'm getting the Grande Half Caf, lowfat, Mocha Latte, do you want one, too?
In your dreams, chicky, in your dreams.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Do you think I, an egg, will ever be a hen someday?
Winding it will only make it louder.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is this the volume control for the Victrola?
Either an IPod or and IceCream.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What are you going to get when you go out tonight?
Hey, I just trimmed that tree last week!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Do you recognize this sheet of paper?
Balance is what will get us through this.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Camel #1 to Camel #2: How, exactly, do you propose to pass through the eye of that needle?
It was long long ago in a land far far away.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So which movie do you consider to be the FIRST Star Wars?
It's just easier when you lift it first.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know why I just can't bring myself to sweep all this dirt right under the rug?
All you need is a needle, some thread, and a very skinny camel.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
How do you propose to make a camel hair coat without removing the camel's hair?
I think camels are the new alpacas.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you quit your al-pack-a day habit?
As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with SEVEN WIVES!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
How do you know there are polygamists in St. Ives?
I'm afraid I can't answer that without incriminating myself.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Megan, did you just fart?
Somebody please open a window.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Did you know that in gullible people closed windows cause cancer?
The magical wonderful pez dispenser.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Guess where my face will be appearing in the fall?
Nothing beats licorice.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Know of a good laxitive?
Therefore it's not printed on the label.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
It's WATER! Why do you want an ingredient list?
It all started with a partridge.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Let my people free!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Now now, Moses dear, there's no need to pout. what was that you asked for again?
Debussy is better.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna go for a ride in my taxi?
The sound of one door slamming.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
How do you know when two zen buddhist monks are having an argument?
Oh, no, not for a million dollars!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wanna go for a ride in my taxi?
The sound of one monk rapping.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What goes "Ommm Chakka Ommm Chakka Ommm Chakka Ommm"?
Bob for apples.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
Robert is campaigning for governor of Washington? What's his slogan?
It's amazing, and I don't use that word very often.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of my new hymn "Stupendous Grace"?
Maybe you're looking through the wrong end.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why does this horse have no teeth?
The coils of one man are the skates of another.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Calm down, and we'll just adjust your medication. Now, tell me again why you felt the need to climb to the top of that clock tower with a high-powered rifle, a slinky and a pair or rollerblades?
Not Katz, you fool, Cats!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear the rumor that Katz is confusing and boring?
Only if you promise to clean up after.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Mommy, can I slaughter daddy?
Only because it's green.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Mommy, can I mow the lawn with my teeth?
No, you may not use the T.V. for anything but swimming.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you hand me the remote? I want to change the channel to the baseball game.
1100.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
How do you say "Pass the Dijon mustard, please" in binary?
Because they itch, that's why.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why are your rubbing your hands on the teeth of that ferocious lion?
I'm very tempted use it as shampoo.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
(Edit -- beaten out!)
For Digging: Why do those spandex-clad girls keep dancing the Macarena?
For BunnV: At these prices who can afford Real Poo?
I haven't seen it anywhere.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Where did the mayonnaise go?
Duck! A pigeon!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't see why you just can't use paper.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Can I tattoo a map to Dryland on your back using odd and confusing oriental characters?
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
For Tante: Q: Do you not find it glorious that I, Michelangelo, will have the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel as my canvas?
For digging Holes: Q: Can you think of any weird arsty idea to celebrate the chinese new year?
A:Geometry is insane!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have a major committed yet?
Nope, turtle spelled backwards is eltrut.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What did your fortune from the fortune cookie say?
(By the way, I have a stuffed turtle named "Eltrut," and he's awesome)
I only accept cash on weekends.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why won't you take any guff from anyone on Sundays?
No! It's a stuffed turtle!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Oh my, is-- is that-- is that really your daughter?
The supply and demand curve is not made of cheese.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is that a Bel Paese Curve?
My left ear kind of itches, though.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
That's incredible! It doesn't even bother you that a shark just bit your arms off?
I don't think that belongs on your face.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So what do you think of this lovely new purple paint?
I was going to, but then I decided it wasn't a good idea.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So did you actually go on that blind date with the guy Mom met at the podiatrist?
Wow, that IS a lot of apples!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
If Mary has 6 apples and John has 24 apples, and Robert has twice as many apples as Mary, but only half as much as John, and they want to divide the apples equally among themselves, how many apples will each friend get?
You can tell by the look in my eye.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Hi, what's your name?
The forest doesn't smell right.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why in the world would you hang pine-scented rearview mirror car air fresheners all over the live oak trees?
Don't! You'll crack it!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Can I poke you in the head, pleeeeeease?
I named the cadaver "Fester."
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Your murderous rampages:no problemo; but could you PLEASE stop annoying me with your ridiculous redundancies?
I DO love animals: they're delicious.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wanna hold my porcupine?
I'm changing my name.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Did you know it's "Beating a Dead Horse" day?
No, I think I'm going with pale blue this time.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So you don't like the lovely purple paint on my face. Would you like to repaint it with a different shade of purple?
You must put a comma there.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
i went to the pizza and i see a huge yellow hulk and i'm like wtf is the real you know what i'm syainw so i'm like wtf is a yellow hulk doing here so i like ran away and then sh*t i like see that there's another one from the opposite side and running at me so i'm like WTF??? OMG!!!!
Once in a decade.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Mommy, now that Daddy wears Depends, is he ever going to get up from the couch in front of the TV again?
Use the remote.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Oh man, I hate not being judgemental anymore. What can I do to get back to my finger-pointing, behind-the-back-talking, always-outraged-by-the-actions-of-others self?
Tube socks.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What medium are you using to create your sculpting masterpiece?
Uh, I don't think that will be necessary. Really.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I just finished HP and the Half Blood Prince! Wanna hear how it ends?
They are usually black or white.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What color are your teeth?
The French people must hear about this!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Did you know I love french dip?
I'm the one asking the questions!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Is this your first interrogation?
I'm going to call it the Hostile Hostel.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you stay at Holiday Inn ever again?
Wite-Out.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What's that stuff all over your computer monitor?
Two words: Magical Trevor
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
It's killed Batman, Superman, and Strong Bad. What can possibly stop it?
Beware of Doug.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Dang too late....EDIT Steev: What was Neville Longbottom's pet again?
Kent: Why do you think I should cancel my appointment with Doogie Howser?
It's a horcrux, I'm telling you!
(sorry, just finished the HP thread-- all 14 pages!!)
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
I just want to throw away this old jar of cheese that you have seemed to have in your fridge for an extremely long time. No need to get crazy.
I'm crazy!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why, hello there! I'm Miss Understood. And who might you be?
Pina Coladas and long walks in the rain.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Hamsom: So, you just got caught red handed running around a mall, with no cloths on and pig entrails on your head, what do you have to say for yourself?
Tante: Doctor, what killed them?
Never on a Tuesday!
[ August 02, 2005, 02:31 AM: Message edited by: Stone_Wolf_ ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you like a nice tongue sandwich?
Not Thailand -- Tie Land.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
OH! Did you bring back any good food?
This window won't do.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you know that when the L'rd closes a door, he opens a window?
Here I am.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
I wonder where my split personality went?
Pork...I told you it smells like that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What died in here?
Sorry, it was my muse.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who ate all the cheese out of the musetrap?
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How do you raise and lower your shoulders like that!!?
It all comes down to the frosting.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I mean, with all the corruption and inhumanity in the world, don't you think that what the whole thing boils down to is that people are generally big creeps?
It's crazy, but it JUST MIGHT WORK!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Jenkins, you grab the money, while Roberts and I tickle the armed guard into submittion!
Once, but I had had a really long hard day.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Have you ever eaten the worm out of a bottle of tequila?
I sure wouldn't want that job.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you know, someone actually had to sit through Cats to review it?
I swollowed but I didn't chew.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mr. President, have you ever tried that marijuana bubble gum?
They are on the wrong feet.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What did you say was wrong with my legs?
You shaved them!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What did you saw was wrong with my legs?
You shaved them!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What happened to all those beavers I brought to that crazy party last night?
Someone needs a hug!
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What should I say to that raving lunatic of a man staring at me with his crazed, blood-shot eyes and holding a blood-drenched pickaxe in his hands?
Take a left at the second light, go on till you reach the shopping mall, then hang a left till you get there, you can't miss it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
May I use your bathroom?
They call them Republicans.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
What becomes of the people who are kissed by a Dementor?
Zombies, mouthwash, and tech support.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now that we have settled on Planet Earth, what Earth names should we assign to our three offspring, dear?
It is okay to sometimes judge a book by its cover. It just depends on the book.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Is it ok to say that the YA version of First Meetings looks silly, even though I know it's the same as the adult sci-fi one?
He must've forgotten the eggs again. It tastes so sour.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What's wrong with this omelette your brother made?
It must be the paprika.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
You know *drunken look on face* it might be the paprika speaking, but you look quite like a diseased eskimo right now....
We come in peace. And bring you atomic weapons as a welcoming gift.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What do you want and what did you bring us?
If I ever had to have one, it would be now.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
A labotomy?
The Kozak consensus sequence.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Was it the Kojak consensus sequence that was originally defined as ACCAUGG following an analysis of the effects of single mutations surrounding the initiation codon (AUG) on translation of the preproinsulin gene (1)? But then subsequent mutagenesis studies and a survey of 699 vertebrate mRNAs extended the consensus sequence for translation initiation to GCCGCCACCAUGG, where the A in the underlined AUG start codon is coordinate 1 and the A at position -3 could also be a G (2,3)?
Uh huh.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Do you know more than that about replication, translation, and transcription in DNA and its complimentary strand of RNA?
Rats beat me to it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Haven't you been trying to finish that novel you were writing?
The igloo is much too cold for that.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
You want to play halo with me... naked?
I would make sure to wear pink tennis shoes before attempting to do that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Tiptoe through the tulips with me?
That's a trick question, and you know it.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
I don't know half of you half as well as I would like, and I like less than half of you half as much as you deserve. What fraction of these people are male?
Running won't help.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
As a new pair of pantyhose, how can I best please my new mistress?
Hang it from the shower rod.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Fred, you left a maimed corpse in the bathtub again, what do you want me to do with it?
They taste quite good fried.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Have you ever eaten chicken feet?
It's all about the primes.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
What's so great about Transformers, anyway?
Tight pants.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Why are you wearing a thong?
The badger ate my duck!
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
What happened to my badger?
I love my shoes!!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
You've finally found your sole mate?
I think bees would do a better job.
Posted by BryanP (Member # 7772) on :
I've been attempting to commit murder by mosquito, but it's not working so well....any recommendations?
I must be fine because my heart's still beating.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did the Aztec sacrifice victim say to the High Priest?
I don't think you'll find THAT in the dictionary.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
What is POO POO?
I thought my dog did that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you pose for a painting of you and your cronies sitting around a table playing poker?
I prefer the barbecue.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
I like my chicken roasted with Chocolate!!
I was alone.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who was on the grassy knoll while you were in the Texas School Book Depository?
That's easy. 17.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
What is Tante Schvester's average post per minute?
Time to kill the cricket.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
How many times did you end up doing the hokie pokie last night?
I think they were roosters.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How many lettrs here?
That would work better after hitting it with a large club.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Yikes! You're all posting at once. I can't keep up with you! <panting>
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
1 -- What time is it?
2 -- Is that a chicken in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
3 -- Can I kill the cricket with Raid?
Make it stop!
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
I tried to get the donkey to calm down by softly rubbing his back, but my efforts failed. Any suggestions?
I loved the watermelon.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Tante is going crazy. What should we do to help?
Now it's time to really mess with her...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
For Hmm: Why are there seeds all over the bedsheets?
For CW: What time is it again?
I will survive.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
What will you do tommorrow without hatrack??
Party of two.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How many people came to your big surprise party?
Three or four. But not five.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
How many fingers am I holding up?
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
Who was Taffy?
I love my Little Pony!
Posted by Goo Boy (Member # 7752) on :
How's dinner?
100 freaking pencils.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Wait, what's that in your ear?
Nonesense! Anyone with half a brain can tell that's motor oil.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What do you get when you add a bottle of X and a box of pencils?
Of course not, I never do that on a first date!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you fill 'er up, regular, and check the oil while your at it?
I take it with cream and sugar.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Have you noticed how bitter this Windex is?
And the the cow jumped over the moon.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What delayed the Space Shuttle landing?
It's only going to hurt worse if you wait.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you think I ought to be cutting back on my time spent on Hatrack?
It looks like a tiny Statue of Liberty.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Ooooh my first question was too dirty to post....
What's this on my Biore strip? (compliments of my husband)
I just clicked on it and there it was.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is Herve Villechaize doing in our living room?
We didn't start the fire.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Mandy: Why are there porn ads all over your computer?
Tante: Shouldn't you guys be better at preventing this kind of thing from happening if your such good friends with Smokey the Bear?
Well someone should tell them.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You won't tell the Cards that I said they weren't playing with a full deck, will you?
Let's keep this between the two of us.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
You're holding a condom, what's that for?
One part gin.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What should I put in my bubble bath?
I SAID I didn't want that!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you please follow me into the massage room, where Helga will give you your Swedish Fish Massage?
There's no fool like an old fool.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Beyond "I pity the fool," what other philosophy can you give us, Mr. T?
It is invisible ink.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you think I ought to see an opthamologist to find out why I can't read this?
Don't run with scissors.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Why does little Molly have only one eye? or Why doesn't Edward Scissorhands ever win a race?
The last reindeer danced upon the glistening snow.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the second line in this couplet: "The elves made sure each present had a bow"?
I beg your pardon.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Have you seen my Lean Pockets?
I was saving it for a special occasion.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen my virginity?
Jiffy Pop.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call a fast father?
Hungry. Just plain hungry.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I don't get it. Why does the Coyote keep chasing after that Road Runner? I mean, if he can keep sending off for stuff from the Acme Corporation, why doesn't he just order himself a pizza already?
Loony Tunes. Either that or Merry Melodies.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where'd you learn how to drive?
Air brakes.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What was it your dady always used to call farting?
If that's true, I better invest heavily in pork bellies.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you hear that the markets have gone hog wild?
I'm boared.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why are oinking and snorting?
The cake's not ready yet.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
When can I put my buns in the oven??
No dont do that, Let the music play.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
These CD's are delicious, may I have another?
The flashcards won't stop.
Posted by Brian J. Hill (Member # 5346) on :
Now that you've passed your exams to be a 1st Grade teacher, what are your nightmares about?
Blink when I say blink, dangit!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
How can you deny being a control freak with a straight face?
Gigiddy-gigiddy!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
For Brian: But Master, why can't I just banish Dr. Bellows to Mars?
For Morbo: What would YOU do if you had a Tarantella in your pants?
Let's not start THAT again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you love me?
I'm sorry, they're only sold as a set.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How much for one cymbal?
I suppose I do.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Do you have a toothbrush in your hair?
It'll work.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How about if we just knock on the door of the White House and tell the President that there's been a mistake, and I'm supposed to be President?
It depends what kind of dance they're doing.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Are those monkeys doing a mating ritual?
That's what they all say.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
I thought that were the king of the world?
I lost my lucky sock.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
sorry add a "YOU" after that
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did the rabbit say when its foot was amputated to make a keychain?
No, I said PIN!
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
I think I am going to staple your underwear to your pants, is that ok?
I am feeling 100 proof.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
What do you like about these new naked-lady-shaped alcohol bottles?
Wrongway and Ugg
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
What did you tell that lady last night who was looking for Neverland?
Love is in the air.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's that pungent scent that is currently filling my nostrils and giving me bad allergic reactions?
It's gone now, no need to worry.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
What happened to that clown who was trying to kill us all?
The lizards are going insane.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, where are all the lizards going?
You're driving me up the wall.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
Where am I taking you again?
I hate basketball courts.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
So what's that other thread you started about?
More than that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Does Tante Shvester now have 1312 posts?
1313
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
THAT isnt enough?
Cookie Dough is the best.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What product works best to control stubborn weight loss?
Listen to the mockingbird...
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
What do I do about the voices in my head?
Hold your horses!!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How can I get this horseshoe hung on the wall when the horse keeps walking off with it?
One went to Chicago and the other to St. Paul.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Have you lost your marbles??
The golden tooth.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What should we put in to mark the spot where we first met?
No tongue!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
The butcher called; did you say you wanted the whole cow?
Yes, and twice on Sundays!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Does your heart beat?
The baboon is awesome!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What species of animal should we choose to be our overlords?
Pour it out.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
My cup runneth over! What should I do?
A bright red t-shirt and khaki pants.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do they wear on the other side of the mechitza?
The cat is eating the plants again.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why is the rainforest gone?
Fools! All of them!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Your highness, what would you like to have as entertainment at your birthday party?
I think I'd say, "Bring me that artichoke right away!"
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What should I say to make the cabbage jealous?
The soil is speaking.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Now lets be honest with each other. Everything said here will be confidential. Why are you here today?
A house of slaves.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did Charlie win at the end of the new Wonka movie?
I did it.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Who took all the baby penguins?
Add a little caffine, and you'll have yourself one rockin' pie.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can I have my coffee cake decaf?
It works if you are a cowboy, otherwise, you just look like a poser.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
Can Jamie ride you like a bull?
I guess those Ponies couldnt wait!
Posted by SpiffWilkie (Member # 8464) on :
Last time I came you only had two horses...how come you now have three?
I named him after his mother.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did he land up with a name like SpiffWilkie?
Look it up in the dictionary.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What exactly do you mean by ubiquitous?
No, I just don't understand what you mean.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you saying that you don't agree that the microclusters in the dead sea can be made into white gold, a la King Solomon, and straighten your teeth, clear up your skin, and freshen your breath all at the same time?
Bell out of order. Please knock.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Edited To Megan: Do I have to explain how to take the average of a group of numbers all over again?
To Tante: What's that sign they put up around Pennsylvania after the Liberty Bell cracked?
Fred's left buttock.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Megan: Hedosejnf sjewnvf gri dkfjsenr dkfjl?
Enigmatic: What did I just sit on?
You'll poke your eye out with that thing.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you give me instructions for the Do-it-yourself-home-lobotomy kit?
That'll leave a mark.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What will happen if I throw this flashlight at you?
1942
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
It says that the movie was made in MCMXLII. When was that, exactly?
The Romans made me do it.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Did the Romans or the Romulans make you build a ship?
That's pretty inaccurate.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear about this alchemist who fed his ugly crooked-toothed cats microclusters of cat food and turned them into beautiful straight-toothed cats?
"The West Wing" has too much liberal bias. I only watch "The East Wing".
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
So, what do you like on Fox News new alternate primetime lineup?
Not this early in the morning.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you care for some puerco pibil?
People think that, but people are wrong.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Gremlins aren't real?
I put it in scientific notation.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Isn't that quite a lot of candles for a birthday cake?
Because he's older than dirt.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
If Grandpa can't remember his age, why don't we just carbon-date him?
That can injure the spine.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Why shouldn't I use javelins for acupuncture?
Because it was stuck in the attic.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why not bring the concert grand piano down into the ballroom?
Methinks thou doth protest too much.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Please, couldn't I keep at least one or two of my limbs?
I'll only borrow them for a fortnight and then return them to you, though perhaps in a slightly deteriorated condition.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why should I lend you my ears?
Groovy, man, groovy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What does the LP feel like?
Just one word--Plastics.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Wow, how did you get so beautiful?
The chicken that dances.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Please, to ask, what music for dancing is we play now?
Anything but Narnia.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
To JK Rowling: What fantasy books do you enjoy reading?
My dog has fleas.
Posted by SpiffWilkie (Member # 8464) on :
How come you have to cancel the date?
Just add water.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
My pet fish doesn't seem to be doing very well. What should I do different to it make it happier and healthier?
The keys to the attic.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You're kidding! I've been awarded the keys to the city?
You'd better look down there youself.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Can you tell me what kind of fungus this is?
A floppy disk, Archie Bunker, and a banana.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you name three completely unrelated things?
The eyes say it all.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why won't you talk to me?
I'd like it well done, please.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why wouldn't you accept my poorly done screenplay about the life of a burger from calving to grilling?
It throbs, especially when I'm thinking.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What's wrong with your nose?
The staples are in my skin.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can you never make it through the metal detector at the airport?
That's not a piercing. I was in a jousting accident.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Where did you get that new eyering?
That's not special. It's happened thousands time before.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can I interest you in our blue plate special?
Not "a tack" -- ATTACK!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Can I pin this one on you?
Make it sing! Make it dance!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is it going to take to get you to try my Chicken Cordon Bleu?
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
?
Aluminum foil is hard to digest.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you always wrap your leftovers in Saran Wrap?
Nine times out of ten, that's true.
Posted by SpiffWilkie (Member # 8464) on :
Studies show that most statistics are wrong.
I'm only going to tell you one more time.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who's on first?
Mums the word.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Um... ma'am... uh... Mrs... you there, the woman married to my father!
That was supposed to be in the form of a question.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Trebek, you poffer, what wash wrong with my anshwer?
Your father's brother's former roommate.
Posted by not hansenj (Member # 8066) on :
Dark Helmet, tell me who you truly are!
And THEN the fax!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why go on a fax finding tour when we can just phone it in first?
Lemon Pez.
Posted by SpiffWilkie (Member # 8464) on :
"Now tell me again, Mr. Kimble. What clue leads you to believe that the no-armed man did it?"
Don't pick at it!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
It's my birthday, it's my cake, can't I just try the frosting?
I'm sorry, I don't speak your language.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How about a nice Vegemite sandwich?
For that, you'll need the large mallet.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you know the people who make the "wack-a-mole" game made a new one, "wack-a-Dole", with Bob Dole's face instead of moles?
If I knew that, I wouldn't have married her in the first place!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
She's a black widow spider?!
This apple juice is warm and not very sweet.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Define rotten beer!
Remember: Marcus Trescothick has German hair.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Any advice for my shampoo?
There it goes!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which way did it go, George, which way did it go?
My sanity.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Tante, have you had to give anything up to feed your Hatrack addiction?
Dust in the wind.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What on earth happened to your hair?
Oh, you'll do it. Or else.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why should I even question that answer?
My vanity.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where do you keep your drawers?
So THAT'S Victoria's Secret!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Guess who's wearing her "Tuesday" panties on Wednesday?
Queen for a day.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What's better than Prince for an hour and worse than King for a week?
My hampster made me do it!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you put our hamper in the Dumpster?
Not on your Nellie!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Not on my Belly!
'Cause Chips, Beer and Cricket go together.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why does this soup taste awful?
The sorcerer's apprentice.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who left all these brooms and buckets laying around the castle?
Donald Trump's apprentice.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Who ate the toupee?
The Erlking.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Is there anybody higher up than the Duke of Earl?
Sixties doo-wop groups.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
What do you do at the senior center, Grandpa?
You need to take turns.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come we keep getting further from home?
We live in our car.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why do all the doors lead outside?
It only needs to marinate overnight.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So, I hear you are a canabal, anything speacial have to be done to make human flesh appitizing?
My back, oh God, my back!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours?
An ashtray and some napkins, please.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
What would you like to eat for dinner?
Just the facts please, ma'am, we don't want any red herrings in our salad.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How many times must I tell you? I'M A MAN!
For that, you'll need the large mullet.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What wig do I need to go with my rockabilly costume?
Yes, and I'll even throw in a joystick for free.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can I purchase this computer?
Montreal and Stowe
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is there anywhere that you would recommend that I avoid the kasha knishes?
Dehydration and lethargy.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What do you think corpses suffer from?
It keeps the dentist away.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why would you hang a garland of garlic around your neck?
It's for you.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Why is there a dead rat in your mouth?
Whoa...that's HUGE!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Do you think this pimple looks bad?
The Chair! Bwahahaha.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Where are you taking me, Jailor Rackman?
Woolloomooloo.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
And people say they can't understand you?
Make it stop dripping.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now, that's $85 for the house call, $120 for the new faucet, $300 labor charges, an extra $100 surcharge for coming out after hours... is there anything else you need?
A Excedrin Moment
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Bunn: If an alien came through your roof in a freak rainstorm, what's the first thing you'd say to it?
Tante: Why would this be a kodak moment?
Don't open that bag!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Now, this is what happens when my testicle-sack is cut op-
Double Pay? Because the rich live there.
EDIT: Damn!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you feel when your editor keeps changing your titles?
That's why they call it camouflage.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
(In Antarctica) Why, I almost stepped on that polar bear!
Only in Canada.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
Where do people watch Hockey?
The FBI!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Who is that mailman in a black suit knocking on your door?
He walked right through the door!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Is it legal for me to eat maple leaves?
Becasue banks like to keep their vaults closed.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Why wont this door open?
Half of them.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
There are up to three kids you can choose from that you can tutor in math. How many would like?
This isn't stirred well enough.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So how do you like the homemade carrot, kiwi, strawberry, celery, persimon smoothy?
Around the corner on the left.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Where can I go to see a man about a horse?
No cream. No sugar. Black is beautiful.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How do you like your penguin?
Ah! A penguin!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's that on the telly?
Criminy! I hate menopause! I'm down to my last dozen eggs!
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Why are you going to the grocery store THIS late at night?
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Where are you?
Send in the clowns.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How will we test this giant microwave to see if it works?
But it HAS to be. It's official!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can't my official decoder ring help me to figure out why "The DaVinci Code" is such a runaway success?
I plead the fifth.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
I'm giving you five options. The first four allowing you to leave with more than $1000 in cash, and various amounts of prizes. The fifth one allowing you to leave covered in marshmellow paste, and then being pushed into a pit of ravenous monkeys. Which will it be?
I can't belive they made it taste just like a real moose.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you going to finish those animal crackers?
Gesundheit!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's one of the key skills you should have for guessin' weight?
It's a germ, man!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Was it the Spanish Flu that got you so sick?
As much as I enjoy walking barefoot through broken glass.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you like my last post?
I got the last post.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Why are you digging holes?
Pizza! Give me pizza!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
After we leave Rome, how do you feel about visiting Pisa, to see the tower?
I believe that this is mine.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why do you keep reaching for the leg that I found?
That's because your face came like that.
Posted by Son of Shvester (Member # 8489) on :
Why such a long face?
I like food!!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Will this hunk of raw metals satisfy your appetite?
It's alive!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's wrong with that pimple on your nose?
Its big and red and really gross.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What does OSC's left clown shoe look like?
%$@#!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
How's that blank keyboard working out?
Wouldn't it be grand if that were true?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you think they'd put my picture on the Thousand Dollar Bill?
That would be a counterfit.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Do you think I could make some quick money by replacing the cover of a dictionary with a sheet of paper that says Master Alvin, by Orzon Skot Kard?
Things like that only happen on The Moon.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wanna come and see the Lunar Landing with me?
Look deep into my eyes.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where could I get some free digital cable?
Images are not permitted.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you ask?
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Are you allowed to disable lavatory smoke detectors on this plane?
WHEN WORMS ATTACK (as featured on CNN at the moment)
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When will you stop going off on fishing trips with your buddies, leaving me home alone?
I just read the last page first.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why ruin a perfectly good ending?
Life is too short to whine.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why didn't you want the Chardonnay?
It only works when it's raining.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why can't I use an umbrella on a sunny day?
Get down from there right now!
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
Hey this is pretty high up, should I jump?
The happiest place on earth.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Where can I find the Godiva chocolate factory?
That is an interesting observation.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do birds suddenly appear every time I park here?
People will say we're in love.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why have you stopped taking me to lunch?
I'm just a girl who can't say no.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So honey, whaddaya say we hang out behind the A&P and rub Cool Whip on eachother?
I'm starting a diet. Tomorrow.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why are you gorging on twinkies?
I could have danced all night.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, how'd the prom go?
Not in a million years!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Edit -- Not fast enough!
For Jen: What did that Michael Flatley say to you?
For Megan: Wanna go see Star Wars Episode One with me again?
I'm gonna wash that man right out of my bathtub.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Jess: What could you do if we injected caffine into your veins?
Megan: Could I fossilize this crustation?
Tante: Why do you need to extra powerful cleaning solution?
Thats a plus.
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
I can kick my head while standing up, can you?
Music to my ears.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's less painful than screwdrivers to your eyes?
That bomb's a dud!
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why do you want to pitch that grenade?
The world is stage.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you describe Dukes of Hazard in four words?
The car's the star.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why are the actors in this movie so bad?
That girl's wearing short shorts!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's the coolest winter fashion you've seen lately?
Wow. Just wow.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Now that you've won the lottery, what do you have to say?
The sky is pink, go figure.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
OH MY GOD! What did you do to van gogh's starry night?
It hurts so good.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you keep ?
Like the parting of the Red Sea.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's something important Gandalf did in the LOTR movies?
That was quick.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I hear you and the Flash got along rather well...any details?
That's ridiculous, wohmbats can't do that.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
The lyrics and vocal range are amazing! Don't you think they should come out with a second album?
Well, not if it's blue and fuzzy like that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
We have some leftover pizza -- want me to warm it over for you?
Just like the difference between a bungalow and a cabin.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What's one letter?
Monk's Pishaax (sp?).
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's something that doesn't come up with any results on google?
That fish seemed to know a lot more about it than you'd think.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you interview all the suspects in that Jonah Disappearance case?
Better a dimple than a pimple.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Isn't your neck and odd place for one?
Hip hip, hooRoo!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who wants to give a big cheer for Peter Potamus?
A third-degree heartburn.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
What does it feel like to be in love?
That is why I like mosquitos.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Damn you and your blood-lust, Jack Merridew!
"Xena: Women in Tights."
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What HORRORS has SATAN unleashed upon the EARTH?
When I'm good and ready, that's when.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
When will you take your hand out of my armpit?
Eh, it was ok.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How was your Faberge omelette, Madame?
The light! It burns!
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Did you have to turn the ship directly into the sun?
Run, baby, run!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, baby, what do your nylon stockings and your nose have in common?
Just for a minute, then it's over.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
How long do you expect this relationship to last?
Reporting for duty, sir!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who's got the enema bags?
Forty Lashes! And some mascara.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
How do we begin Phyllis Diller's makeover?
Lipstick on his collar and $100 in his pocket.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the name of that country song on the jukebox?
Absolutely!
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
How 'bout some vodka to go with your attitude?
Next time someone asks you if you're a god--say, YES!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Should I still tell people I'm a god, even if I'm only the god of rug installation?
Thrusters engaged captain.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
How'd you like to get a personal tour of the captain's quarters, Ensign?
Vulcans are creatures of logic, Captain.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you just say to me, "Volcanos have features of a magic carton"?
That's why their ears are pointy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do elves get such good radio reception out in the forest?
A new set of China!
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
What do you get when you conquer eastern asia and turn the civilians into dolls?
A wall to wall carpet.
Posted by TheSeeingHand (Member # 8349) on :
What five words am I thinking of?
One long eyebrow and a tattoo of an eye on his ankle.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What did your dog look like before surgery?
That comes standard with all spaceships.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Wow, a coffeemaker!?!?
Enough with the pricking.
Posted by UncleBunky (Member # 8350) on :
Where should I poke you with my stick THIS time?
It's a secret organization that usually goes by the anagram 'V.F.D.'
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What can you tell me about joining the Volunteer Fire Department?
I'd rather gnaw off my own leg.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Want a chunck of my thigh?
I prefer white meat.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Aren't you a chicken bigot?
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Because 7 8 9!
Tantes' posts are getting lower.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why are we quickly catching up with Tante's posts?
It was a dark and stormy night.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen the weather report?
<Whistle sounds> Penalty called for improper use of apostrophe!
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Is Tantes' singular possesive for Tante?
Kick it real hard.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the best way to get rid of this soccer ball addiction?
Head, shoulders, knees and toes.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where did the reindeer bite you?
It wasn't as fluffy as it could've been.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you delete your last thread?
Asian beetles.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What are you serving for brunch?
My closet lightbulb is making that soft high pitch tingley noise lightbulbs make before they pop.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
How were you able to tell my astrological sign was Leo?
Tieing the arms with rope helps.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How am I going to carry this whole weapons cache back to my house?
The key is behind the kitten.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Edit -- too slow
For Bunn: How can you make it more suspenseful when you already have Batman and Robin suspended over a vat of quicksand?
For Hamson: What was the secret code-breaking thing in Dan Brown's "The DaKitty Code"?
The pupil and the iris.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What was the title of that romance story where the student fell in love with her mentor, and then presented him with a flower, which he, being an expert bontanist, concluded it had magical powers that could destroy the entil plant population if it ever fell into the wrong hands?
Almost, but it failed completely.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did your home-made parachute work as planned?
The key: "bored".
Posted by TheSeeingHand (Member # 8349) on :
How do I open this voice-activated door of the violin recital?
So don't scream when we take you, the world is quiet here!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS NOISE!
The quest to page 150, a coming landmark for the most grand thread that ever graced through the Hatrack servers.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What in the world are you going on about?
Shh...'tis a secret.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Wow! So, the meaning of life is--
The candle wax hurts.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Are you suppose to be dipping your hands in it like that?
It is so cool, that it's green.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why do you choose to wait so long before eating your bread?
The eyes seem so familiar.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are you staring at your potatoes?
Ah...CHOO!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Would you like some more pepper on your dish?
He has no face.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why don't you just talk to the Phantom of the Opera face to face and discuss your feelings?
Gesundheit!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What's German for, "Ewww, you just got snot all over me!"?
Yes, and I think you should eat it, too.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you going to really give yourself an oatmeal and cucumber facial?
Milk and Honey.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, what's in this new nutritional bath that you're having me take?
That sounds like a sticky situation.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Want to see the La Brea Tar Pits?
Pit bull.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did they call the giant bison they found in the La Brea Tar Pits?
Arm pit.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What do you think Brad Pitt will name his first child?
They always do that when you try it with a knife.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Do you think the children will die?
Just like a salmon swimmin' upstream.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What is a hatracker like when a landmark is in view?
Suspicion of murder.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's that ugly look on your face?
The Moon's bigger than that!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How large are the La Brea Tar Pits?
Well, it sure is hairy!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Ewww... are you sure that's Tante Shvester?
That's the question of the day! *REALLY LOUD ANNOYING BELL LIKE THING*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hi, I don't like the color, can I return this?
It has all its shots.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What you can you tell me about this weasel that would make me adopt it?
I think the solution to that problem would be cheese. Lots of cheese.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's that smell?
Lots of cheese.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What do you want for your birthday, Bob?
Yes, make it orange and red.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Would you like some wine to go with that cheese?
But the blossoms are poisonous.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Would you like some hemlock in your wedding bouquet?
The roses bared their teeth.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how was your date last night?
It's a metaphor.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
But.... wouldn't you die with a heart of stone?
Random bursts of power outage.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Well then, why do YOU think the dinosaurs all went extinct?
I'll name him Pegasus.
Posted by SpiffWilkie (Member # 8464) on :
Isn't your baby's head rather pointy?
Almost three and a half.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How many Iraq wars could we afford if we cancelled Medicare and Social Security?
At least that's what it is this month.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear that P. Diddy changed his name to "Diddy"?
It's not all that pointy.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Could I borrow your baby, and use him to breed a race of children that could help us resolve our differences with the mole people?
I'll need a lot more tennis balls to do something like that.
Posted by SpiffWilkie (Member # 8464) on :
Are you going to teach your pet octopus to juggle?
All I wanted was a twinkie.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What were Hitler's last words?
It will cost twice as much for the ones with gangrene.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You mean I can get these gorilla feet for $20?!
Well, it couldn't make it any worse.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would adding a dash of pepper improve my meatloaf?
That's why they're called CD's.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Are you sure it's legal to burn that?
I will not instigate revolution.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
You got to check out this new dance dance game!
It is like cooking a chicken with a flame thrower
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's cooking a rooster with a flamethrower like?
The 12 foot lamp.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you need six pairs of light-up sneakers for, anyway?
Shvester, not sweater.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
What's so offensive about giving you a twelve pack of deodorant for your birthday? You're Tante Sweater aren't you?
And that's why I don't look out the window.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Why isn't your gardener wearing any pants?
Tart and tiny.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Oops -- Edit
For Midnight: Did you mean to install that one-way glass facing that way?
For Eni: Do you like your men tall, dark and handsome?
Not a "Senior Moment", more like a "Sophomore Moment".
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Remember that job you got watering MidnightBlue's garden when you were a senior?
I wrote a book on that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen my package of loose leaf paper?
It's the new Darth Tater.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What is Ron White's comedy tour called?
They're all going to laugh at you.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the worst that can happen at Open Mike Nite at the Comedy Club?
Not with at 10 Foot Pole.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Could you please say a comprehensible statement?
It's times like this when I wish I hadn't sold it all for that 400 gallon ice cream bucket.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Whatever happened to your ice cream scoop collection?
I just need one more clue to solve this mystery.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Why are you carrying around all of those Clue game boxes and then buying another?
Palm trees covered with snow.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you mean by contradiction? What contradiction?
A: The Tooth Fairy did it!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear who was convicted for incisor trading?
Either the New York Nets or the Internet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your definition of immortality?
Living longer than you.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Before I draw up my will, tell me, is there anything in particular that you want?
Pottinger's cats.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you eat to get such straight teeth?
Dr. Price, I presume.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who do you figure is the most expensive doctor on Park Avenue?
It is what's left over from his brain, once I removed all the organic components.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is this @#$@?
(okay, I was going to go with something totally unkind, but VERY funny -- this is what was left.)
Read the article!!!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can't I figure out the "Questions for Thought" in the Weekly Reader?
Now, now, let's not get nasty.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you hear if you play a Janet Jackson album backwards?
Looseleaf paper is all you need.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What toilet paper did OSC recommend?
I'm not stuck in the middle with you.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Holy Cookies, Batman! How are we going to get out of this giant oreo?
You can get it from the bite of an infected flea.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Did I tell you I've got the fever for the flavour of a pringles?
Bob_Scopatz is dancing in there.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What are all those crashing sounds coming from the shower?
Just put on some salve, and you'll be fine.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
I broke my glasses. How am I suppose to see now?
Page 150 is less exciting than I expected (not really).
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How's reading that book in random order going for you?
My pants are made of the same material.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you like your new chain mesh underwear?
I've been waiting to use that for a long time.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why on earth are you awake at this hour of the night?
Dude, I got a Dell!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
(To the Farmer) What have you gotten yourself into now?
Like an itch you just can't scratch.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
You know what my mother's like?
Come on! I can't kill them ALL!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Tell me again why do you want me to be your Flamenco Dance partner in our roach-infested kitchen?
It's also good on sunburn.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
Is there a reason you're putting mayonaise in your nose?
So I ate him!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did you do when the missionary invited you to his barbeque?
It's also good in tuna salad.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Isn't it better when your pool is filled with water?
It was suppose to be a suprise.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did I tell you that I had a premonition that you would jump out at me, wearing a Richard Nixon mask, waving a green bandana, and doing an Irish jig?
It's all a part of my disguise.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Why in the world is there a bananna on your head?
I ate a bike tire.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you think it is time to retire?
Yum! Kippers!
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
What do you eat on Jewish Passover?
Llamas don't eat ham.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Tina, you fat lard, don't you want some ham?
(sorry for the Napoleon Dynamite reference)
I can't take the heat.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why won't you stay in the kitchen?
It burnsss, preciousss.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why so much sunscreen?
I think I'm deaf now.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Besides acute heart burn, what was the result of listening to Anakins "NOOOOOOOO!" scream 289 times in a row?
It was just down right insanity with a cherry topper.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
What was it like making the world's largest ice cream sundae?
All I need is a Tootsie Roll and a couple of Wheat Thins.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What did MacGuyver (sp) say when he needed to make a bomb?
Dream on, you freak.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
For Midnight: Master, you are so close to creating the Elixir of Life! What rare elements are needed to complete the potion?
For Treason: Lend me an Ambien?
The key: B flat major.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's that key that when played for a long time makes people go insane? For scientific purposes only of course.
It came in the shape of a trapezoid.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How did you know that Wonka bar contained the golden ticket?
I can fix it with Scotch tape.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Dang it! I was to slow!
For Hamson: Why are you returning your new circular saw?
For Mandy: Michael Jackson's nose fell off, what should we do?
I can't seem to find a stool sample.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Can you help me pick out a chair for my living room?
LOL Ok a new one...
I WILL beat it, I tell you!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What will you do when that midget comes to your door, trying to get your signature?
With iron and gold!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
For Mandy: Are you sure this is not an onanism thread?
For Hamson: Do you add microclusters of rhodesium and irridium to your Microcluster Crunch Cereal, or do you have some other secret ingredient?
I knew you were a chicken.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Why did you put me in the dinner pot?
The sky is flailing.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you waving your arms like that?
A little vinegar will take that right out.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What did Rivka say when told of the priceless mural found under the wallpaper in her kitchen?
It's green and it sticks to the kids.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
How do I know when they have the flu?
The invisible can!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Anyone know why I can't find my beer?
Take two of these and call me.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I've parted the sea and led my people out of Egypt, brought them through the desert, encamped at the base of this mountain, and come to the top of the mountain, as you instructed me. Now what?
You may just burn for that.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Why shouldn't I buy a house on the summit of Mauna Loa?
The chickens are flying!
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE A TOLD YOU NOT TO SMOKE CANNIBUS WHILE WATCHING CHICKEN RUN????
And that's why i don't love you anymore.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can't you just eat your hot dog on a hamburger bun? We're all out of hotdog buns!
The Globemaster!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What should I call my product to get the world in shape?
Awww, mama's gonna buy you a mocking-bird.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What was the name of that book with Boo Radley?
I can't believe you won't help me!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Do you really thing breaking into the police station is a good idea?
I used a rubberband instead.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Don't you think you should build your house with nails?
It stays on my shoulder.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Umm... Why do you have a parrot?
It was there when I moved in, I swear.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
How long has this portal to the netherworld been in your bathroom?
Take me to the weasels.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
What do you want, Alien-boy?
Why are there men in black at my door?
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What did that farmer say before he got his brain wiped?
They're ready to go at a moments notice.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Why are those guys sitting by the restroom?
It's curry time!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What cooking show are you watching?
It happened in two stages. First, the ripping. Second, the exploding.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of those new Velcro Enemas?
It was a VERY shiny nose.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jess N: Why are those guys sitting by the restroom?
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What was your idea for an alternative source of oil?
English may be a dead language.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is it that there are so many ghosts haunting the castles of Great Britain?
You should see a doctor for that little problem.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you think this mole is shaped like Dumbledore?
I ate them all.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are there any more mothballs?
I prefer maltballs.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you throw your chocolate shake at me? Or Why are your winter sweaters all sticky?
Sure looks like a fungus to me.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen William Shatner's newest toupee?
FIRE AT WILL!!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Who was it we were suppose to be killing?
It stabs so painfully!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
BB King, why did you switch from your other glucometer to the new One Touch Ultra?
To get to the other side.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you just flip my iPod over?
It doesn't work that way.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
" So how do you think the formula works? I'm pretty hopeless with functions, but the aim is that someone like Tante who has a very high ratio of posts:time should start off with low increments of rating but increase as time flows with less effect of the posts posted later on. In other words, that the original boost in posts will be more valuable later."
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Could you explain that--in English?
Let's all have a latte and relax!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: BB King, why did you switch from your other glucometer to the new One Touch Ultra?
I barely watch TV, and I see that commercial ALL the time.
Q: Caffine just adds to the crazyness! And then when everyones done with their drinks, they just want to lay back! Everyone needs to stop with this coffee buisness and improve this weak work ethic!
A: That lizard should know.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the surest way to choose the best insurance policy?
A manicure and a pedicure.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Hamson: Is that question?
OK... OK
Why is that guy so happy about his car insurance?
I'll just use my sonic screwdriver!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
D'oh. Too slow.
Tante: What are those things that make your nails all spiffy?
Jess: Do you think they could even design a screwdriver better than my state of the art SOLAR SCREWER 20XX?
A path into the Hell world.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
What's the other name for Atlanta's 285N at 4:30 in the afternoon? (Sorry, had to post an Atlanta joke.)
Lassie, you're the best dog around!
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
How did you speak to my Scottish Girlfriend?
That smell is either roadkill or really good cheese.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What's for dinner?
You'll have to check with my secretary first.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is lingerie an appropriate gift for Administrative Assistants Day?
I'm having trouble with my Horizontal Hold.
(for those of us old enough to know what that is, it's not as dirty as it sounds) Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Subtract inner cube from outer cube.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you hate when Dunkin' Donuts fills up your iced coffee with so much ice that there is barely room for the coffee in your cup? What do you do about that?
Charmed, I'm sure.
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
What was that one blasphemous show on the WB? You know, the one with the girl from the Boss?
It's made almost entirely out of legos!!
Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
Nice car, is it enviromentally friendly?
Twist it twenty times and then lie down.
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
Are you sure that Sally sells seashells by the seashore?
Only if you bring the potato salad.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Can I follow you into the bathroom?
Eat it, it's good for you.
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
Why'd you hand me this cinderblock?
You're supposed to rub it on your face.
Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
What do I do with this porcupine you just handed me?
It smells like Christmas!
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
Why are you making us eat reindeer for dinner?
Look, if you only do it once, I'm sure it'll grow back.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
I want to cut off my nose to spite my face. What do you think?
I should check with God.
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
Do you think you could slide that mountain a little to the West.
It's not undiscovered if someone's been there before.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Do you think Brazil is actually Phoenician?
Dam, dam, bloody dam!
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
What do you get when you cross a beaver and an Aztec?
If you listen closely, you can hear the sizzle.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Is that rain I hear?
Bollocks and blustering billywags!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What did Dumbledorn (sp) say when he stubbed his toe?
No, no, pull the left one!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
How about I pull this one?
Red is a good color.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I heard that Native Americans have come up with their own slogan like "Black is beautiful", what is it?
I didn't know it was loaded.
Posted by Λαβύρινθος (Member # 8534) on :
What's assonance?
I think they were thirteen.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
How many died at dinner?
There's a leprachaun over in the corner.
Posted by Λαβύρινθος (Member # 8534) on :
This house is so dull, as if it has no life in it.
A mischievous little cattle-prod!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you think the kindergarten teacher managed to get her class to stage "Hamlet" for back-to-school night?
Careful! You could put an eye out!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
What's this pointy object for?
Pot roast. And ketchup. And grilled onions and carrots. Yum!
Posted by Λαβύρινθος (Member # 8534) on :
Give me that sword, please. I've been training with them.
Because glasses are made out of wooden discs.
Edit: Missed quiddy's. Ignore this, please.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
quid: Okay, we have the patern picked out, now for a material. What do you want your suit made of?
Λαβύρινθος: Why did he scream so much when he heard he was getting contacts from the same guy who made his glasses?
I've never seen him do that before.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you think that George Bush handled that situation with compassion and intelligence and insight?
Mr. Moose and Dancing Bear.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
What the hell were the name's of those two guys that did that one show in Memphis about the beetles and Mr. Magoo?
A POX ON YOU, CAT!!!
Posted by Λαβύρινθος (Member # 8534) on :
Meow.
Woof.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Only when I'm sleeping. And sometimes, not even then.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Do you ever hallucinate?
So there's my cell keys! Edit: Added an answer
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you like to see the results of your X-rays?
Miles and miles.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Baby, I know I messed up and all, and I know you said you needed some space, but I was just wondering how much space you needed?
I think my brain exploded.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are there microclusters of Rhodium and Iridium all over the room?
That's why no one in my family needs braces.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Isn't your husband a welder?
Because of school. Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are all the parents walking around with blissed-out expressions in September?
You'll need a zoning variance for that.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What do you think of putting a fake mole on my face?
I think it got rotten.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why does the State of Denmark smell so funky?
It's probably the cheese.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
What smells so bad? It's like rotten fermented used sweatsocks.
(I didn't mean to post it. I wasn't done! Aaaaaargh!!!!)
[ August 25, 2005, 02:36 AM: Message edited by: quidscribis ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How would you describe these gruyere souffles?
Not so much a yearning as a burning. And an itching.
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
How would you describe your first year of marriage?
You'd be mocked and then shunned, and rightfully so.
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
What would happen if I questioned my own answer?
Just do it. She won't go out with you otherwise.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
Do you think she'd like me if i spit in her hair, poked her eyes, threw her bag on the ground, then called her uncle and English K-NIG-IT?
I SWEAR TO YOU, I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS THREE!!! [edit: added an answer]
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
Did you really think it was a good idea to harrass one of the Johnson triplets?
Not without a warrant you won't.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
You appear to have blood dripping out of trunk of your car. You mind if I take a look?
I have no idea what that is!
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What's that strange hovering light in the woods?
AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What was that famous like that Chekov said in "The Wrath of Khan"?
If you have to ask...
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Can I have your liver?
I think it's infected.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sweetheart, when we are together, I have an itching in my heart, a burning in my soul -- could this be love?
I never eat the green ones.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Since the fridge is on the fritz, how can you tell which hotdogs are good?
My mother says I could put my eye out.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The cat is scratching at the door again; why don't you put it out?
It's not that special. It's prosthetic.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can I see your special purpose?
It's a euphemism
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
You sick maniac! And you call your self a human!
That guy from freshman year who only sticks in here.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What should I use to put this broken t.v. back together?
But you said you were dying to see me!
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Why is it my fault that a vampire bit you?
Hold the floss, please.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of the bikini's at the beach?
I wish they'd all just disappear.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of the bikinis at the beach?
Oh no! Not again!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Dan_raven: I hear you have an idea to make Congress more usefull to America?
Tante Shvester: Congradulations Mr. President, you've been re-elected.
I've never seen that before in my life.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Did you just see that lemur that just streaked through here biting people?
That would be a bad thing to sit on.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Is that a porcupine?
There's a whale on that beach.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Oops -- got distracted, forgot to refresh.
For Hamson: Wouldn't it be totally cool if they made public toilets really long like sofas, instead of all separated into little stalls?
For quidscribis: Is that our old English teacher wearing a bikini and laying in the sand?
For Guy: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
The hora! The hora!
(edit -- Where did Guy go? His post was here a minute ago.)
Posted by ThatGuyfromFreshmanYear (Member # 8533) on :
Sorry Tante, I deleted mine
Question: What the heck are you doing?
Answer: My drill sergeant told me to.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Why are you dancing the hora? Mashed potatoes
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
What did you just feed the cat?
Sit! Stay! Good dog.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Didn't you write your own wedding vows? What were they?
Cheating is wrong.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Johnny, why do you always do so poorly on every exam?
There's gold in them thar hills.
Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
Honey, why did you buy a backhoe?
He's a clever one.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
He's dating a woolly mammoth??
The French fries don't taste very French to me.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you go to the McDonald's in Paris?
Class is about to start.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are there students picketing in front of the Administrative Building demanding a classless society?
All you need is a Number Two pencil and a dream.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How should we go about stabbin all of them administrators?
Gravity made me do it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why in the world did you take up skydiving?
Yeah, but hold the ketchup.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Would you like to eat raw sewage?
It does seem a little fluffy.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I shouldn't dry my hair with a snowblower again, huh?
My mama can beat up yo mama!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Yo Yo Ma?
It's too stringy.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why don't you want to buy this fine pair of shoe laces?
Of course not, I'm on vacation!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
My leg just got eaten by a shark, could you please call 9-1-1??
The flies don't speak english.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why don't you just tell those flies to get out of your margarita if it bothers you so much?
I'm too tired to move.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why are you sitting on a cactus?
Beware of the daisies!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
(Can I just say I love this game!) Which flowers should we use for our boutonnières?
High school was just a waste of time. (from some recent posts)
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What phrase gets MandyM really really angry?
But of course, it was no trouble, really.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
LOL! Not angry, just annoyed.
Could you please spell check your posts in the future?
I've read cookbooks that were more exciting.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What did you think of the new Wheel of Time book?
But it's only seven in the morning!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you handle all these dwarves all the time?
Hi ho, Hi ho!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What did you say when you saw Heidi Fleiss?
Hey, if it's good enough for Vegas.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you put up all those neon Christmas lights on your house?
I ate it all myself.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
"What goes on at Hatrack stays at Hatrack?"
We needed a mission statement.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why are the words "Live fast, die young." written on a cocktail napkin?
If I had a dime everytime someone asked me that, I'd be a millionaire.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
What happened to your face?
My dog ate it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Darn, too slow
Stone_Wolf_ : Could you please spell check your posts in the future?
JaimeBenlevy: Why isn't my paycheck ready?
It happened when all the ice melted.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear they discovered Martha Stewart's heart?
I can't see it, the palm tree is in the way.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
It's snowing!
Does that happen EVERY time you do that?
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Pull my finger?
No thanks, I already ate.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you care to repeat that?
I was ready an hour ago.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why is there a worn spot on the floor under your tapping foot?
Who are you to question me like that?
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Do you know what time it is?
Your anger is justified.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it wrong of me to be upset that your sn has one more underscore than mine?
Punctuated for your pleasure.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you actually edit your post?
It's time.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountain down.
I felt like a hobbit.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you biting your toenails?
Sometimes you feel like a nut.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Bob, why are you dying your beard purple and orange?
Yes, and I got some of it on my pants, too, darn it!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Did you spill that jar of rat poisen I was fermenting?
It worked when I tried it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you mean I don't need a parachute to jump out of this plane?
That's not going to come out.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Is that a banana in your pocket?
Make me a doughnut!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You have released the genie of the lamp, what is your first wish?
World peace.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What was that idea that everyone shot down at our last conference?
Grumpy shoe horn elfs.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What image appeared on the toast you sold on ebay?
Start with your left eye.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Where should I stab you first?
Leprachauns aren't green!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who has a harder time of being green, Kermit the Frog or Lucky the Lucky Charms Leprechaun?
The breast stroke.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What is your definition of foreplay?
Sorry for being obsene.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How could you DARE to teach the breast stroke to the beginning swim class?
At least it's not the butterfly.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Doctor, it's an ulcer that I have in my stomach??
Crayons make me hungry.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why do you have such a waxy complexion?
The hot wings are poisonous!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why do I smell almonds?
Death is everywhere.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why do you keep looking behind you like that?
Inconceivable!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
<quid, I remember that movie!>
How do the atheists feel about the concept of Virgin Birth?
Not the hamster! Anything but the hamster!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
(You do? The one with the two old ladies, sisters, who fed cyanide in tea to first, a husband or brother, don't remember which, and then to a man who visited them and figured it out? I saw that when I was, oh, five. Or something stupid like that.)
What's that bird carrying off?
It's a ransom demand.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
<quid, that sounds a bit like "Arsenic and Old Lace", but, of course, they used arsenic, not cyanide. The cyanide movie that I thought you were referencing is "The Little Girl Down the Lane.", with a young Jodie Foster>
Why shouldn't you just take the million dollars that you just found laying around in the parking lot?
They are artificial nails.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why did the roof blow off so easily?
That's just silly.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
<Er, arsenic! Of course it was arsenic! And yep, that's the movie -Arsenic and Old Lace! Never saw the Jodie Foster one.>
Are those claws you're sporting, or are you just happy to gouge me?
Finest hooch around, aged at least forty minutes.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why am I going blind?
The soup is hot and fresh.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Is that old vichychoise?
Parrots! Plenty of plump parrots!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's for supper ma?
A bird in the hand...
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Quid: What "catch of the day" is in season now?
DR: What is your nickname for giving the finger?
We had to sell Timmy to the circus.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Since Lassie died, how has Timmy been getting along?
I'm the son of a sea captain.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Form B
Father's Occupation:
Seven to ten days with express air mail.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You said you were going to give me a swift kick in the pants. I'm waiting...when am I getting my swift kick in the pants?
Rosebud...
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Whatcha gonna call the killer robot you just built?
They're small, and they get everywhere!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why are you using ants as deoderant?
Freshly picked ones, please.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Plastic surgeon to patient: "What kind of new noses are you interested in seeing?"
Yeah. As refreshing as sandpaper-lined eyelids.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How are you liking the ice cool, freshly squeezed gecko juice?
We'll call it a UFO.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
What is this sticky, wet stuff that just hit me in the head from above?
Watermelon.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you show me evidence of Divine Love?
I bought it at the Dollar Store.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Where did they find the heart for your transplant?
Baking soda mixed with cranberry juice.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
If it wasn't cyanide and it wasn't arsenic, what DID kill Colonel Mustard?
I haven't a clue.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
My friend told me you have every board game ever made. Is that true?
Well, it just slips out of my hand every time i try.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you trying to make an onanism reference?
Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah, ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What did you say in that speech you gave at the Music Awards?
Sing it sister!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
It's a circus tent.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Where did you get that um, interesting dress you have on?
Rats!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The bouillabaisse is divine! What is your secret ingredient?
That happens every time Jupiter aligns with Mars.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Why are gas prices going up so much?
A roll of toilet paper.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What's your favorite OSC reviews everything topic?
I'm afraid it's a fracture.
Posted by Son of Shvester (Member # 8489) on :
Why is there jagged bone sticking out of your leg?
If you try hard enough, anything is possible.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You know you are really annoying?
It's all in good fun.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's a Goalodflun?
I'll need a few more power tools to do that.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
So... this weekend wanna help me build an space station?
I don't think it came in that flavor.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So how did the liver and onion toothpaste work on your bad breath?
I wish you wouldn't.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can I send you to the space station first to make sure it's habitable?
That's no good. You have to shake it first!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Lend me a hand?
I'm sorry, I was distracted.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Hey! Didn't you hear me?
The soup is freezing cold.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you put your sweater in your Mulligatawny?
That's the same as two dimes and a nickel.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Anyone got change for a quarter?
I would, but I'm lactose intolerant.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
In the spirit of harmony and tolerance, why don't we all, Black and White, Jew and Christian, Hindu and Muslim, Mountain Folk and Valley Folk, all come together in peace and understanding for International Promote Tolerance Milk and Cookie Day?
It is hard to get a good quarter back.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How are those fantasy football picks coming?
I'd go with the tall one.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
I'm in the market for a new ladder, anything you could suggest?
You didn't tell me it bites.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So how do you like your new vampire bat?
Three to left, twentyseven to the right and bingo!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How many paces away is the bingo tent?
So slowly...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hypothetically, if a sword swallower went a little too far and actually swallowed the sword all the way down, how should it best be, um, eliminated?
Don't judge a crook by its mother.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I don't know, I kinda like Barbra Bush.
There's one left in the fridge.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How come you are wearing only your right shoe?
Stereo Speakers for the Dead.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where does that mic your talking through even connect to?
He's out back.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen Paul Hogan?
It's getting pretty deep in here, too.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Ground Control to Major Tom dude, it's getting pretty high in here man.
Why not, it's for the children.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Did you really think we would fund a program to give a chainsaw to every single student?
Don't get me wrong, it's good either way.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Why do you want me to put peanut butter on my taco instead of hot sauce?
Thus proving my point that meatballs represent communism.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Okay so Bill Murray says "Kids are starving in China and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts." in the 1979 comedy classic, what he really means is "Down with Capitalism"?
If you believe that, than you really are a tool.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
(lol @ Stone)
Sometimes, I put nickels in the washing machine, and it's music!Everything is muuuusic!
Thank god for the guns and the drugs.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Have you heard the new Libertarian party slogan?
The devil made me do it.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why? Why why why why why? Why are you stabbing me with that rusty butter knife?
The crumpet is on the crowbar.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is the scone working the jackhammer?
Tasty -- and hard working too!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What are the advantages of making a robot out of candy?
Please, don't eat me!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
What should I have for lunch today?
Stop me, oh, stop me. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Why do you keep telling 'how does the chicken cross the road' jokes? We already know how!
Wave o' babies
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the new Ben & Jerry's flavor targetted to the Mormon demographic?
Great Salt Lick.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
What's the name of this wonderful new restaurant of yours?
You can only do that if I make it through first.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Can't we just destroy the ring here, in the Mines of Moria?
Uh oh, it happened again.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's that smell?
Hey, I invented that first.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you know that Benjamin Franklin came up with bifocals in the 1800s?
Fine, fine, fine! You win! I give up!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
So*, shall I post that nasty picture of you and the vacuum cleaner on the internet, or do you give?
Elves! Lots and lots of yellow furry elves!
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What has the cat dragged in this time?
A headache that wont leave me alone.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What is your husband's name?
Yellow bannanas, red apples, orange grapes...
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why did you swallow that uranium?
Geckos and lizards and snakes, oh my!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
What did Dorothy exclaim while walking through the woods in "The Wizard of Creepy-Crawlies"?
That's no way to talk to a ten-foot mutant space lady!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Was that puddle of purple slime already there, or are you just happy to see me?
I'm never sure where the line is, until I cross it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Father Francis, why did they demote you back to Seminary 101?
If you think that's something, then you should see New Jersey.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So you nicknamed your butt New York?
I didn't do it and you can't prove otherwise.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
It'll clear your acne, too.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Is there a reason you buy windsheild wiper fluid at Costco?
It better be back here by midday tomorrow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can I borrow your glass coach?
I used a pumpkin patch.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did you fix the roof in Peter's wife's house?
It tolls for thee. And I told you never to ask me that!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How's your bridge troll doing?
In India.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I got the memo that there was going to be a Powwow -- so, where are all the Indians?
No! No! No! It's ONE if by land and TWO if by sea! Sheesh!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
(Woah, no posts for over a day!)
So you don't have 2 trampolines?
We came. We saw. We concurred.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how'd that proxy wedding turn out?
I think we'll throw converted rice.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
How do you plan to defeat me?
That answer makes no sense whatsoever!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How long is your tape measure?
Nothing like that first dance.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
What did I do this Friday?
I've got laser vision!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What did you do this Friday?
Nothing like laser vision.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Bats navigate by echolocation; what do you suppose that's like?
Her name was Daphne...
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Who's the dork in the orange sweater and glasses?
I like macadamia nuts.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
What are you, like, nuts or something?
Take an up turn at the next traffic light.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the quickest way to get to Heaven?
Martyrdom, or lots of candy. One or the other.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
What would you like to die of?
Hardly ever talks.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why's he called Babbling Bobby?
Lemonade. And grapes. And ostriches, too.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
What did you put in the stew? (hey, it rhymes! ) ----Edit: And if you've never tried some kind of meat with grapes, well, you should! It's awesome!
Going fishing in the desert.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
(I've had chicken with grapes. Yummy!)
Where ya heading on a camel with a fishing pole?
Seven severed heads rolled in a vat of purple grape jelly.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
(First time I saw something like that was when my brother tried it, and of course nobody thought it would be good. Foolish mortals! )
What did the cannibal's son get for his 7th birthday?
To conquer the Grand Canyon.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Where you off to with all those shovels?
The elephant was painted purple.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can you tell that GWB has been crowned king?
It's a royal something, that's for sure.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is it true that your in-laws are related to royalty?
Splash!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What would this bucket of red wine do if I dumped it on your carpet?
Dane Cook.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Tonto, since you've been named the United Nations party planner, you've assigned the Norwegian to balloons, the Canadian to table setting, and the Equadoran to bartending. What are you going to have that Danish guy over there do?
Eight and a half by eleven color glossy photographs with the circles and the arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one telling what it is.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Is that a box of chocolates you're hiding?
Crop circles and lines of force over to the left, and psychic phenomena to the right. If you're here about the cimpanzees, that's down the hall.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Before they hit on those memorable lyrics, "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you", what were the words to the original version?
I didn't say I wanted to be a Mormon, I said I wanted more, man.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You know you would have to stop smoking and drinking?
I'm so tired I think I fell asleep twice.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So how was the prayer meeting today?
I can't believe how slow this thread has been.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
*Yawn.*
One, one, four, nine, twenty-five, sixty-four, one-hundred-and-sixty-nine, four-hundred-and-forty-one, one-thousand-one-hundred-and-fifty-six...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the squarest of them all?
That's why they don't make them any bigger.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
It's been three days, why won't anyone question my answer?
Hey! That's not funny!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Is this the bone I was supposed to remove?
Kermit is the man!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
There's one thing I don't understand about your staging of "Animal Farm", with all the animals played by people -- who plays the man?
Just a little Clearasil should help. Until then, I'd recommend a paper sack.
Posted by Mai (Member # 8604) on :
Do you think this zit on the end of my nose is noticeable?
You have to wait for it to thaw out first.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When will I ever have a nice, warm relationship with my in-laws?
If Yertle the Turtle can do it, well then, so can I!
Posted by Mai (Member # 8604) on :
Do you think you will be able to cross that four lane highway using a walker?
Oh, the baby is the laundry basket.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why was that guy in the laudromat saying not to throw out the baby with the bath water?
April Freshness.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
What are you planning on naming your daughter?
I closed the deal.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why couldn't we add a 6th player to our poker game?
Wite-Out.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What's that new reality show where no one is allowed to get mad at each other and point fingers?
It happens to even the slipperiest of us.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, Mr. Clinton, you finally got caught, eh?
Ahh...minty fresh!
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Would you please get that used chewing gum off the driveway?
I'm not as hungry as you might think.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Are you responsible for the missing car parts?
Blue oranges!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now class, who can tell us what is so disturbing about BunnV's still life painting of a fruit bowl?
Just a minute ago.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
So*, when are you going to hang yourself?
Life is like a box of slimy toads.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which breakfast cereal do you prefer, Cap'n Crunch or Life?
That only works if it's pierced.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Wanna stick a hot poker through your brain?
Float to Alligator Island!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What kinds of "adventures" do you have on an outback adventure holiday?
That's the soup of the day.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What is that stench, did something die in here?
It's cheesy and green.
Posted by chel (Member # 7674) on :
Which one is your ipod?
My nose got stuck.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sorry, late!
(for Treason) Have you tuned in to see the Leprachaun Telethon?
(for Chel) Why are you always poking your big nose where it doesn't belong?
Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory, with the Lead Pipe.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Who's streaking through the mansion?
Grape juice. Elephant hats. And yoga. Can't forget the yoga.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
As Genie of the Lamp, I am hereby authorized to grant you three wishes. Consider carefully; what do you wish for?
They are making it a National Holiday.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why are there streakers juggling cantalopes?
Watermelons and battery acid.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What gives your pink lemonade its zesty zing?
Excuse me. Gas.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Is that music I hear?
A million gongs gonging.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How would you describe the headache that you get after eating Chinese food?
Funny you should ask that...
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
What killed all the buggers?
A is for Alberta and B is for bacon grease. C is for cutthroat and D is for Dead Dilbert.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why did you name your new seafood restaurant ABCD?
This porridge is too small!
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Ms. Hilton, why won't you take the part of Goldilocks?
158, give or take a thousand.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Just how old do you figure TomD is, anyway?
That's the Girl from Ipanema!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Ahhh!
I don't get it. The timer was set for 3 minutes.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why's the jellow on the ceiling?
Fans. Lots and lots of whirling fans.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did you see at the big Dervish concert?
I'm not sure. Can I get back to you on that one?
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Would you like me to stab you in the eye with my pen?
Lemony fresh.
(sorry enigmatic) Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you take the first step and admit that you are powerless over alcohol?
I'm wearing my camouflage clothes.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why can't I see you?
Snails climbing all over the place.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you recommend that I order the salt-rimmed Margarita rather than just a beer, at Bar Escargot?
You can have a dime and three nickels.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Hey! I gave you a Sacagawea!
Golly, that's a lot of pesticide.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Do you know what we do to pesky people around here?
The television is in the bathroom.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How did you potty train your two-year-old so quickly?
It's not supposed to be so spicy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why was the set of "Girls Gone Wild" so completely doused with so much water?
Funny, the Tin Man asked me the same thing.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Did you make that soda can out of my people?
Behold the power of bananas!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
[ September 28, 2005, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
Are we going to shove these knives into the electrical sockets or not?
It's all in the O.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's your secret to success as Tic Tac Toe World Champion?
Now THAT'S disgusting.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did you find in your chainmail underwear after we shoved knives in the electrical sockets?
At least you didn't get fired.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did the shot-out-of-the-cannon guy say to the circus clown?
Left. Right. Left. Right.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Are you sure this is the way we play the Hokey Pokey?
I am NOT paying that much for it!
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
I am NOUGHT paying that much for it.
I'm not picking that up. Not in this lifetime. I'm not picking that up.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You are driving along a deserted country road on a foggy night. Around midnight, as you round a steeply banked curve, you pass a cemetery. There is a beautiful young woman in a wedding dress at the side of the road. Would you pull over and give her a ride?
In your dreams, you nut.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Didn't you pick up your bride from the side of the road next to a cemetary?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
I did it, and I'd do it again, given the chance.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you advance to Go and collect your $200?
I like to play with the cannon.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why do you keep messing up our rehearsals of the 1812 Overture?
It can't be explained any more simply.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, wait, you're saying that instead of humanity evolving over long periods, with advantageous traits passed on through the progeny and through interbreeding populations, to become the lovable people we are today, that one day, without any warning, the Flying Spaghetti Monster waved his noodly appendage and shifted every body's sphenoid bone a bit?
Oh, I LIKE them apples.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
What do you think about crop insecticides being made stronger in reponse to the immunity pests acquire to them?
I like that as much as I like Musicals.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you be interested in having a six inch long railroad spike inserted into your frontal lobe?
It's furry, and it's not _supposed_ to be.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Little Red, why won't you hold your grandmother's hand?
I likes! I likes!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How was your Chocolate Moose?
My tongue is now coated.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did you do when your teeth started chattering?
How do you expect me to react?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you kick me in the shins with your right foot when I was hitting your LEFT knee with the reflex hammer?
That's what happens when you eat at McDonalds.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
I've been dry heaving for the past two hours!
I sure could go for a Big Mac right now!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the hardest thing about transitioning to vegetarianism?
That's no sacrifice! I need a goat and incense of sweet savor.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I gave up Big Macs for Lent. What about you?
That smarts!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear that Don Adams died?
I think you can buy them from Izzy, the Burka King.
Posted by K.T. (Member # 8665) on :
Do you know where I can find a good edible belly dancing costume?
I didn't feel it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why didn't you stop them when they ate your belly dancing costume?
Why not?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why?
I dunno.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Which of the Dunno family is the dentist- is it Fred, Vera, or Ike?
Well, the chopsticks said I could pick up anything...
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
What are you doing, honey? This is not... Ouch. I dont like that. Put these chopsticks away, please. It's not normal, why are you dong this?
He's too malliable. Too willing to submerge himself under somebody else's will.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So what is your problem with Gumby again?
Let's polish it off together.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are we taking a bottle of wine to the nail salon?
There is gum on the bottom of your shoe.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
My hair is on fire, a rabid badger has attached itself to my arm, hyrochloric acid is eating through my pants- how could things get any worse?
Xantham gum, potassium sorbate, FD&C yellow number five, and- that's not supposed to be there!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did you put in this lemonade? It's making me feel funny...
My mother eats things she finds dead in the road. (the lead from an essay by Bailey White)
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
My mom is making tuna casserole for dinner; can I eat at your house tonight?
I'm sorry. You have a wrong number.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Tell me one reason I should not jump off this bridge and end it all right now. You mean this is not the suicide prevention hotline?
I'm sorry; I already have a date.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Burp... Would you, aaa. Burp, I mean, you know, burp, prom?
Yet you have never been there, you have not seen what it has become.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
But, wouldn't it be hard to breathe on the moon?
Those dimples make me drool.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you think of my new golf balls?
I am just too busy to deal with that today.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Excuse me, there's a fire bucket right there- would you please PUT ME OUT?
It's one size too small.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
How's the jock strap?
How indecent!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
My toddler keeps stripping off Barbie's clothes and laying her down in the shoe box with all the Power Rangers -- is that a problem?
I don't have two left feet. I just have two left shoes.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you dancing in a circle?
I'm just a hopeless romantic I guess.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
You got married while skydiving parachute-less into cherry-flavored jello?
That's morally repugnant, and I'm not paid enough to do it!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Hey! Why won't you pilot my fiance and I over that massive vat of jello?
Ummmm, I choose..... you!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Lost your partner, now what'll you do? Lost your partner, now what'll you do? Lost your partner, now what'll you do?
Skip to M'Lou, my darlin'.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Well, we're out of gas, and it's four miles to White Springs and two to Malou; what do you think I should do?
Don't press that button!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why do they call you the dry-cleaning Nazi?
Carve it in your forehead...duh.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How, exactly, does one make oneself up as a Jack O'Lantern for Halloween?
I like B12 and Valerian.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Can you provide me with a bingo call number and something a hippie could name their kid?
I'm going to pretend I don't speak English now.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Jolly good, Sterling. Would you care to join Jeeves and I for a spot of tea and a rousing round of croquet?
Yeah, right. And I'm Phil Collins.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Hey, did you know I am really Celine Dion?
You are the best man for the job.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you pick me to throw you a bachelor party?
If you're not careful it will freeze that way.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why shouldn't I put the ice cube trays in the freezer upside down?
Who says I have to?
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Have a nice day.
Though, if it were wartime, we'd be safe.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I don't think our missile-testing jobs are going to last much longer in this economy, do you?
Oh, you said tentacles.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why in the world would you think that an octopus would need four jock straps?
Well, I'll say one thing for you -- you've certainly got brass ones!
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What answer can you give me that I can't think of a question for?
It's got fangs.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why does this shirt hurt when I wear it?
Along the dotted line.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So where do I make the incision for the appendectomy?
I told you not to leave it just laying around.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
The molding fruit just staged a coup and took over Congress.
It fell from the sky.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
What's that dog doing our attic, son?
Things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Mirror mirror of the blond chick from Lothlorien, what is the most geeky phrase of them all?
Yep. That's McDonald's.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Is that a finger in your fries?
One day that will kill you.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Should I get the double cheeseburger or the Triple Decker?
Whatever you say, sunshine.
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Can I slowly burn you to a crisp?
It's called rehabilitation in Canada.
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Why am I being dipped in maple syrup and thrown in a fire ant pile?
The dryness makes it feel good.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Do you like it when I slowly burn you to a crisp?
I do it all the time and look how I turned out.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why would anyone want to be dipped in maple syrup and thrown into a fire ant pile?
Consider all your options first.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Should I dip myself into maple syrup or jump into a pile of ants?
Ok, new topic...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you rather discuss syrup and ants some more, or should we change the topic?
Relax. It's harmless.
Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
Will covering my face with syrup and fire ants really be good for my complexion?
Sorry, you're wrong.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Am I right or am I right? Huh?
I'd recommend Noxzema.
Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
What should I use for the fake sour cream on this enchilada?
My lucky rock.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Oh dear! Your head is bleeding! What just hit you?
It says repeat if needed.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You've shampooed your hair like, what?, ten times already; is it dandruff or OCD?
Well, excuse me!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Your belch caused the earthquake in Pakistan.
Try some tagamet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you get to meet real New York baseball players?
Tag, you're it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can't you just act your age and stop being so immature?
Just one word. . . plastics.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
Tante, how do you stay looking so young?
I dreamed about the elves again last night.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Why's there a gigantic portrait of Orlando Bloom painted on your headboard, Mr. Frodo?
But it matches my iPod!
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
How many times have I told you to stop painting your face that way?
I guess I've got alot of explaining to do...
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Why are you wearing that bloody torso like a hat?
It flatters my figure.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Why are you wearing that bloody skull as a suit?
I like recycling things, ok?!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Why don't you ever flush your used toilet paper?
I will, after I find the person who did this! Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Oh, why don't you bite me?
I'll take two lumps with that, please.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Well, you've ordered five hired goons and a thug. Anything else?
And yet, it moves.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I thought those goons you hired took care of it, didn't they?
You should help.
Posted by Kettricken (Member # 8436) on :
My cat is playing with a mouse, what should I do?
Send him to the headmaster.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Teacher, Galmorg the Klingon ate my cat! :'(
Mighty nano mice.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who moved my cheese?
The Dairy Queen.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Who is Burger King's wife?
It was supposed to be a blizzard
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
What in heaven's name was all that white fuzz?
Someday, I'll get to the moon for a vacation.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ralph Kramden to Alice: "Just where do you think you're going?"
Whatever you do, don't touch that wire.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ooh! Did you get a telegram from God?
Hmm...all it says is "STOP."
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So what was God's advice in that telegram he sent you?
I will have to sleep on it.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wanna trade your pillowtop for this bed of nails?
It keeps it right at your fingertips.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
If I try to leg-break an apple, what'll happen?
Because the deepest secret lies in the Red Setter's left nostril's upper hairs!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
We know that you met with the secret agent last night -- what did he tell you?
In Japan, the hand can be used as a knife.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Annie told me that masturbation = castration. I know Freud says that, but why does she?
Seventy two!!! BAAA!!!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What is the meaning of life the universe and everything?
Ok, so now what's the question again?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you always answer a question with a question?
Why, yes! I do!
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?
The wind blew the squirrel off the tree.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Why do you always answer with Japanese proverbs?
I'd be able to answer that question if you didn't use such big words...
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What is your name?
I must not be privy to disingenuous intercession, mobocracy or the occasional and subjective palliative activity.
Posted by digging_hoIes (Member # 6963) on :
Hey, will you help me with my english homework?
From my cold, dead hand.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where'd you get this marvelous bean dip?
It's just a little something mother whipped up.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why is there dessert topping on your ceiling?
I wouldn't eat that if I were you.
Posted by theamazeeaz (Member # 6970) on :
It's only been in the fridge a month, I'll be fine, right.
Knitting socks is a waste of time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so angry about the sock monkees?
It's just all this lint everywhere that bothers me.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Doesn't it worry you that your roommate keeps leaving dead bodies in your closet?
From my friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Where did you get that valentine? It's covered in cobwebs.
They eyes follow me wherever I go.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Why did you tear up all the sock monkees?
Twelve Monkees.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did you get when you exchanged those twelve drummers drumming that your true love gave you last Christmas?
The wind.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What do you got in that bottle there?
Kitty in a box.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
How do you translate "Kotek w pudelku" into English?
You were wrong, he does have balls.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What did the sockerball say to the football about the ping pong table?
A gallon of ice cubes.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What should we pour on you for writing "socker"?
Forty eight looping laps.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
What should we make you run for mocking human?
Yes I am, and don't even try to talk me out of it.
Posted by JannieJ (Member # 8683) on :
You aren't wearing a scuba suit to the wedding!?
Sweet as a kiss and blacker than my wicked heart.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Worcestershire liquor?!
If pigs were hung from their ears, perhaps.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Will you marry her?
I said I would not do that, for heaven's sake!
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Do you promise you won't shoot me in the back the second I turn around?
Pineapple pizza, a nuclear warhead, and a Guns N' Roses cd. And that's all.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What do I need to get some service around here?!
All the way to the parking lot.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Mom, how long do I have to carry these keys for? *whines*
If you ask me that one more time you won't live to see tomorrow...
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What do I need to get some service around here?!
How about sprouts.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What should we name the baby?
It sounds better when played on the banjo.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why can't we call the piece "Dueling Piccolos?"
Barring divine intervention, or 112 hard-core Unix programmers, we've got it covered.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, d'ya think these fig leaves are "secure" enough?
I'd hate to see this place in the fall.
Posted by JannieJ (Member # 8683) on :
Isn't it great the way all these lush leafy trees shade us from the sun?
I told you not to play with that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you think my palms need a shave?
Spiky purple hair.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
What do find most attractive about me?
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Posted by JannieJ (Member # 8683) on :
And WHY is the cat covered in shaving cream?
I hope you aren't going to eat that.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Isn't it amazing no one has thought of putting whole watermellons in sandwiches before?
Yeah, sharp like a tongue depressor...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Aren't you impressed by my sharp wit?
I've got two copies now -- Stereo Speakers for the Dead.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why do you have those two books strapped to your head?
I want pepperoni on mine.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What special quality would your fantasy boyfriend have?
It's called "Pimp My Wheelchair".
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What is Bob Barker's new gameshow?
You need new tires on that thing.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have any suggestions for my retirement?
I file them alphabetically.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
What do you do with your cheerio's?
I hate stupid questions.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Why didn't you answer when I asked if you wanted tuna on your cheerios?
I stuck it in my shoe.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what did you do with all the left over tuna?
Well, that'll at least mask the odor.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is it really a good idea to light a scented candle in the baby's diaper?
Never -- it might lead to dancing.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Are you ever tempted to watch the film Footloose?
Not while I retain my sanity.
Posted by solero (Member # 8668) on :
Do you need to take pills for that?
no thats only while i watch It came From the Deep.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shouldn't you be wearing your Depends?
MMmmm...VERY absorbent!
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
OMG, is that Bob_S, and a shammy cloth?
Are you sure it wasn't... nothing!
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Ew, did you just see what was hanging from your nose?
My computer ate it.
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
Have you seen my my collection of ear wax figurings?
On the 18th floor of nowhere.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Where do you think Voldemort left the last horcrux?
I am not helping you dig it out of there.
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
Who wants to help me find my eye-contact in the KY-Jelly pool?
No, it was Professor Plum, in the courtyard, with the candlestick.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you just start page?
I think this thread should have its own landmark thread.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
I can't believe we have 161 pages!
That would be a red thread.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What would be best to use as a wig for my Raggedy Ann costume?
I figure I'm responsible for some of it.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Do you know who's to blame for the cafeteria fiasco?
It was obviously Martha Stewart.
Posted by Pariah (Member # 8773) on :
I just saw the devil! Looked kinda familiar but I can't place the face...
A broken leg, and several lacerations, but it was so worth it.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
So what happened when you didn't le'go his ego?
No, all I was saying was that it looked like Jesus.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have any idea why the front yard is full of pilgrims holding a vigil to celebrate the miracle of the toasted waffle?
I thought it looked like Elvis.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Wow! Why have you bought this Glenn Miller poster?
Nah, more like a wandering aiua.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Was that the centralized Urban Internet User's Association?
Somewhere between a screaming migraine and playing "Advent Rising". Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
When did you finally get those taxes done?
I think I am addicted.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Why do you have sudoko markings all over your body?
If you don't know the answer... Why the hell should I???
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What did you have for breakfast?
He barfed.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did Chekov do when he heard about Sulu's coming out?
I don't eat that -- I'm a vegetarian.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Would you like some dessert?
I'll be there in just a moment.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
The last life raft is pushing off, are you coming or not?
I'm reloading as fast as I can!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What does a person have to do to get some service around here?
His middle name is "The".
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
What's the middle name of OSC's brother Deal?
I don't care what anyone says, I'm keeping it!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can I take your blood pressure?
I can't say that I appreciate your sarcasm.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
So what did you dress up as for Halloween?
100 million Monopoly dollars.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Well, how much are you willing to spend on me?
I love it when you ask me that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you mind if I rubbed up against you like this?
I wouldn't even do that on the THIRD date!
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
Do u mind cleaning out my toe-jam?
Good Question, I'm going to say... yes.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Will you marry me?
You know, if you say that question backwards it would sound exactly the same.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Huh?
It really would be better if we did it my way.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wanna take the highway?
Well, my friends call me "Mister".
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
mom, is that you?
i bet you cant say that 5 times fast!
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Were you specifically put on this world to annoy me?!?!
A Neanderthal.
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
What are you anyway?
No! I'm a theatre geek!
Posted by Pariah (Member # 8773) on :
Do you even have to know what "thither" means?
You can't possibly be, those were Shitake!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Dude? Can you bail me out of jail? I got caught with those awesome 'shrooms you gave me.
Que Sera Sera (Whatever will be, Will B).
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Didn't you see those mushroom clouds out there? I think it's serious this time!
No no no! You were supposed to set the clocks back an hour.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how are you enjoying our return to male-dominated society, segregation, and cars without seatbelts?
Well, at least we don't have to worry about pesky environmentalists anymore.
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
So the new legislation went through banning all forms of human advancement?
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the suns of Warband, you shall be avenged!
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
Is this your first time to Best-Quotes-From-Robin-Con?
I'm sorry, i wasn't listening.
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
Now, for two million dollars, and you have only one chance to answer, what is two plus three?
I've never met a problem that couldn't be solved with brute strength and ignorance.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Did arranging the Ming porcelain exhibit give you any trouble?
Ten, eleven, tw- oops- ten...
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
What are those nuclear launch codes?
We need another Timmy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Dang it! Lassie didn't warn us in time about Timmy being caught in quicksand. Now what are we going to do?
I have it on speed dial.
Posted by Avery Good Schreibner (Member # 8772) on :
Do you know where the eleven is on this phone so I can call 9 - 1 - 1?
Yesterday! When I discovered it was bologna!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
When did you stop putting 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 in the computer?
Hot dog!
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
And what will you be having tonight, Mr. President?
Then you should probably run as fast as you can without turning around.
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
(starting an answer with "Then" makes it more of a follow up than an answer. this one is a tuffy. i only see using "Then" to start a reply if someone already stated something, so im going imagine that "Then" isnt in your answer.)
What should i do since i have to really go to the bathroom, but both my arms are broken?
For the last time, I will not go on a date with you!
Posted by Phytakai (Member # 8744) on :
Hey, you have a two seater right? And I need a ride to the fair. Wanna take me to the fair?
Shampoo on the grass is not good.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you picking up that novelty dog dropping?
I demand REAL poo!
Posted by JenniK (Member # 3939) on :
Why did you stop that blonde before she could tidy up the yard?
If I've told you once, then I've told you, well... once; it's the BITE that gets ya every time!
Grrr too late that was for Phytakai!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Bob: "Why has it been so long since you washed your hair?"
Jenni: "Sure he's a eighty-pound pit-mix, but isn't his bark worse than his bite?"
<blows smoke from guns, twirls, holsters>
Around here, everyone does that with gummi bears.
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
Why are you collecting their heads in that bag?
Because we dont need another one!
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
And exactly why are you making a Postit note to avoid voting for anyone named "Bush" for president?
You know I won't remember when the frogs begin to croak.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you writing obituaries for your amphibians?
You'd lose your head too if it wasn't attached to your body!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, Marie Antionette, we're already late for dinner, what are you looking for this time?
They are a fringe group.
Posted by enochville (Member # 8815) on :
Who are the "Family"?
She is the esoteric model of the Anwar fashion industry.
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
Who is that Eskimo woman wearing a contrsuction hat and pretending to shoot a caribou?
Ooops, I accidently did that thing you told me not to.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Arghhhh... What have you done to my fallus? It really hurts.
You mean Secret Harvard Initiation Test, I hope.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Are you signed up to take the GRE?
I depends on what happens while I'm gone.
Posted by sillygoose (Member # 1616) on :
Do you want to take over the world?
Blame the penguins.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who left the door to the refrigerator open?
Welcome all Geese!
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Every color of the rainbow plus brown and silver.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What color should we paint the bedroom?
Just do it!
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Are you sure running into a mine field is a good idea?
It makes me look smarter.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Are you sure you want to undergo your fourth trepanning procedure?
I'd have to say -- Northern Lights
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What is you favorite Philip Pullman novel?
Because I keep stubbing my toe on that silly garden gnome.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you howl and dance around like a merry little elf whenever you are on your way back from the mailbox?
Well, it isn't the Publisher's Clearinghouse.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Who is that strange man howling and dancing about like a merry little elf in the front yard?
That's because I prefer the crunchy bits.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you put the broken garden gnome in with the casserole?
Gotcha!
Posted by tmservo (Member # 8552) on :
Is my house still burning or are the firemen there yet?
So, that's what the ointment is all about.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wouldn't it be great if "disappointment" was a salve that you could rub on to make yourself disappear?
You put your right hand in. You put your right hand out. You put your right hand in and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.
Posted by sillygoose (Member # 1616) on :
What's your favorite thing to do on weekends?
The ghost of Christmas yet to come.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Was that those missionaries at the door again, dear?
My cat ate my mouse pad.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Now, if your dog ate the printer, Billy, why didn't you just email the homework to me?
It didn't want to get crunched.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Why is this number so big?
I am NOT a man.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, is it "More, Man", or "More, Mon", or just LDS?
He's not so much "Jew" as "Jew-ish".
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why won't anyone question my answer?
I guess I killed it.
Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
Honey, why'd the baby suddenly stop crying?
Because it's red-purple-green plaid!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can't I wear my plaid jacket with my orange and blue paisley pants?
You have no idea how much that question reveals about you.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is that inkblot supposed to be Ernest Borgnine?
I believe this is what's referred to as "the sledgehammer stage."
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
So my computer's repair process is where exactly?
It doesn't matter what you order here, everything comes with grits.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's so special about this restaurant, Che'z Ya'll?
Save your Confederate credit cards, the South shall rise again.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are there Civil War re-enactments on the new Capital One card commercials? Weren't the Vikings annoying enough?
I will not travel there.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Concentrate on the sound of my voice. Are you ready to journey into the darkest, most hidden reaches of your subconscious mind?
Not on your Nellie!
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Is it possible we'll end up with wives that have the same name?
Cocky, funny, and over the top.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Hey everybody, what do you all think of ME?
I will not stop until everyone on this forum is looking at me.
Posted by sillygoose (Member # 1616) on :
Why are you dancing around half-naked with a poodle on your head?
Oh like you've never tried it.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
Why are your pants on backwards?
I'm glad someone finally decided to tell me.
Posted by Kettricken (Member # 8436) on :
Are you ready for your wedding on Saturday?
Smoke me a mackeral, I'll be back for tea.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why won't you sit and have lox and bagels with me for breakfast?
I am too tired to do anything right now.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you want to join the march on Washington to protest the lack of funding for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome reseach?
OK! You first.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: You want to put a crayon up your nose?
A: I once swallowed a fruit flavored tooth brush...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What was your worst experience at the dentist?
Women and children first.
Posted by sillygoose (Member # 1616) on :
Who wants to volunteer to jump into the volcano?
Becauses the voices told me to.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why in the world would you nominate someone as unqualified as Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court?
Duncan Hines Yellow Cake Uranium Mix.
Posted by Jonathan K. (Member # 7720) on :
Where did you get that fabulous recipe?
Behind that chair
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Where's the interdimentional portal?
A lot of rats.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What is in this casserole? Its so delicious. There must be a secret ingredient?
A: I tend to avoid saying such things near the rhinoceros.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Are you sure there's no rhinocerous in this casserole?
Put it in the green jello.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you want me to do with the dropping your rhinocerous left on the floor?
No thanks, I'm not hungry.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Green Rhino Jello Salad, anyone?
I'm waiting for it to come out in paperback.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Do you ever browse Wikipedia?
I wrote the thing myself.
Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
This is the worst book I've ever read. Where'd you get it?
I'm so very, very sleepy.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Q: Ok, so you don't believe in hypnosis. But I can make you fall asleep with just a few sentences. What do you have to say now ?
A: That is my favourite question!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Who Wants to Be a Millionare?
Shh, the baby's sleeping.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that pregnancy and sex are not mutually exclusive?
Yes, even if they are twins.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
So, you claim to be the father of only one of them?
It made me itch.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Icked, what happened to you since you lost your Ws?
At least it wasn't a B.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: I'm so dissapointed in you. Had did you manage to get a Flargle on this test? You realize that is almost failing?
A: The people on Fraggle Rock give me nightmares...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why don't you dance your cares away, worries for another day?
I prefer rhythm and blues.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Is it true that you are a big fan of Lithum and Achoos?
A: What kind of damn question is that? I should slap you for that, I should.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Ooops, too slow! Tante: Would you like to go see the Wiggles with me?
Steve: Could you spare a cup of fresh rhino poo for my Jello salad?
The swelling will go down in a day or two.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Oh Grandma! What big ears you have!
I don't smell anything.
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
What does this Iocane powder smell like to you?
Inconceivable!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear the one about the barren woman and the eunuch having a baby?
Man and Wife.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
What three words are enough to send a bachelor into shock?
No more parties.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Want to join my campaign? I'm running on the Tante-crat ticket.
What a card!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Didn't you think that joke that Scott told was funny?
Well, I am certainly not going to claim it.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Should I tell them I was the one who left the pink earmuffs in the Lost and Found?
Only if you want to die a furry death.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
That certainly sounds like a big dog in there. Should I open the door?
A lint brush should take care of that for you.
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Lord! Is that a cottonmouth?
There must be a reason snakes don't have any legs.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'm having trouble dressing my boa constrictor for the costume party. Can you help me with the fishnet stockings and stiletto heels?
Food Fight!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Q: Flood Fright ?!
A: Not in a million years.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When was the last time that you changed your underwear?
I don't think I much care for your implication.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So... um... like.... is your hairdresser mad at you or something?
I can do it if I want to and you can't stop me!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You want to climb the cliffs of Insanity?
That's inconcievable.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do you think will be the results of crossbreeding my eighty-pound puma and my eight-pound domestic shorthair?
Yeah, but you should see what the winners get.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: The losers get killed? That is so terrible!
A: I once played catch in my back yard with a hippopatmus. And it stepped on my right foot.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why do you hate baseball so much?
Ok but just for a second.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Do you mind if I put this man-eating plant in your basement?
A: I've been known to yell at bottles of Tabasco sauce...
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did I just see you leave that anger management class?
I wouldn't eat that if I were you.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
If you were about to be eaten by a cannibal, what would your last words be?
I'm twice the ballerina you are, in fact I wear a forefore.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Do you think overweight ballerinas like yourself can ever measure up to the rest of us?
Go consult a ruler.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Is it possible for my foot to be here and in the year 1874 at the same time?
A: The chances of that are about as slim as the chances that I'll turn into Oprah Winfrey and give you the keys to a brand new car...but not the car.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Will you give me a ride to the mall?
That was a very strange question.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light?
You must be joking.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I am God?
That's the most compelling proof that God exists!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why shouldn't that woman in Austrailia sue her mother's doctor for wrongful life? Isn't life worth more than that?
Sorry I got so serious all of a sudden.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the matter? Can't take a pie in the face?
I wonder if it comes in liquorice flavor.
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Is this the right weight of motor oil for a chainsaw?
I hope that's not loose.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So i'll insert this, here, and then the friction will do the rest of the job.
That means I was right.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
You know you didn't follow the rules of the game by not putting a questions in your last post?
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, baby, come here often?
Perhaps next year.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I have this horrible itch! Will you please scratch my back?
That hurts my feelings!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You court martialed the corporal under the "no Toture" laws, for yelling at you?
That's what I call corporal punishment.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you hear about that one guy who had to clean all the toilets in every McDonald's in the world with his tongue?
A: Cheesburgers are often known to address me by the name Weird-Guy-Who-Thinks-Cheeseburgers-Talk. Cool, huh?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did the doctor adjust your medications again?
It rings a bell.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Have you heard my new door bell? What is it? What song is it playing, can you tell me?
A: So, you just completely melted a plastic army man and now you want to eat a cookie? What do you have ADD?
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Is that a bird?--ooh lighter--something shiny!--I'm me-e-elting!--COOKIES! Gimme cookie!
And if the sugar doesn't disolve, just substitute cyanide.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What happens if you put sugar into gasoline?
A: I don't understand the above question, so I'll just do a jig. Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig Jiggity Jig Jig
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Why do you do a jig every time I ask you a personal question?
Three lace panties on my head always soothes my headaches.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Are you feeling ok?!?
Usually a dose of Tylenol does the trick.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
My head is killing me, where can I get some cheap lace panties?
I know I forgot something.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you realize you forgot something?
A: Oh no, I've lost my Rememberall.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you screaming and throwing all the sofa cushions on the floor?
Maybe it's in your pants.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
My God, I've lost it! Without it, how will I go through with my date tonight? Mandy, have you seen my wallet? I think I'm expected to pay for dinner.
The worst part was that the Greeks, having invented tragedy, proceeded to buy all the restaurants in the city.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Remind me why you experience catharsis whenever you eat moussaka?
Music and passion were always the fashion at the Copa . . .
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you hear there is a whole new television channel devoted to Barry Manilow and his clothing?
Kiss me and stop me from shaking.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What can I do to make it up for breaking the rules of this thread?
I know this doesn't answer your question.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
What's the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?
Ninety nine bottles of milk in the fridge, ninety nine bottles of milk. Take one down...
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Can you improvise on the theme of fridges, bottles and milk?
I've told you I like milk best.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you like to trade that cow for these magic beans?
Otter things have happened.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Why is that furry thing doing the backstroke?
Spoofing, goofing, and ghosts! Enough already!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why don't we spend the evening watching "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" and "Ghost Whisperer"?
Blondes have more fun.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you rent Scary Movie like I asked you to?
I am just sick of all this mess!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What do you think of the old Scooby Dooby Doo cartoons?
I create the beagles from magic syrup, straight from the lands of faerie-opolis.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
For Mandy: Sarge, why did you puke all over the dining tent?
For Youth: You must tell me your prize winning beagle's ancestory. Who was his sire?
Three words--S.O.S.
[ November 17, 2005, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Gosh, I'm slow, I missed it by two posts.
For Uprooted: Why'd you bleach your cat's hair?
For MandyM: How come you threw up again after looking at your vomit?
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
I seriously give up.
For Dan: How would you describe Youth ap Orem's late posting?
I'm going to lose my mind, if this posts too late!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you think you made it to the post office in time to beat the IRS deadline?
I'm sorry; it's all my fault.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did President Bush just say?
It all depends on what your definition of torture is.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Is this true love, or just masochism?
No, really, I insist.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
You didn't really mean for me to eat the last serving of moussaka, did you?
I am procrastinating again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's next on your busy agenda?
Same thing as everynight, try and take over the world.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why do you think there are Law and Order reruns on all the time now?
Please just sit down!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Is this chair edible?
A: I believe that aliens once kidnapped my left nostril and taught it how to speak Latin.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Excuse me, but WHAT did you just say?
Kids say the darndest things.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
I'm 28 years old, why do you keep referring to me as a kid?
Try googling it.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Do you know where I left my keys?
I just like to do it, because it makes me feel big.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you think everyone keeps mentioning "onanism"?
I wash my hands of the entire matter.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you realize that you just forgot to wash your hands? Well, I guess you did rinse them with water. But you forgot the soap, you know?
A: Eating a computer mouse caused my left ear to glow. Isn't it neat?
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Did you remember to take your meds?
Prednisone bites.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Doctor, why do these pills have teeth?
The side effects are awful!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you dare -- or I'm telling Mom!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Should I make a remark about the fact that this thread has been going for more than 3 years now ??
True, except NOT.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Did you know that Harry Potter is my uncle?
Mug a muggle!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What did you say your clubs motto was? Wasn't it "Hug a Noodle."
A: Noodles can be used as very good whips when wet.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
So it's a duel to the death. You name the weapons.
I don't think I have time for that.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Before I kill you, do you have any last words?
Just fix it with some crazy glue.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
How am I suppose to fix this busted open crazy glue bottle?
I've slapped a man for asking me that.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Don't you think you just need to get over it about Firefly being cancelled?
Take a chill pill.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
When the heck is the next OSC novel coming out?!?
No way does that look like a tomato.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Did you watch the Killer Tomatoes from Mars?
*does a little dance*
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Can you show me how wine is made in France?
You can use donkey sweat as a substitute for gasoline.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: How am I supposed to go to the gas station if I don't have any gas any my car? I'll have is this stupid mule.
A: Mystic smoke smells really bad.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you had to quit tantric sex because of the afterglow?
All puffed up and noplace to go.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why doesn't someone harvest those cotton bolls?
Wook out, you wascawwy wabbit!!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What would you say if I told you I stole all your 'R's?
Peanut butter, and only peanut butter.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What might be the main ingredient of this new jelly?
A: Let us go to the mov...look a butterfly!
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
That's some nice hair you got there. What do you clean it with?
AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!
Edit: D'oh, Steve posted before me.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
For Steve: Hey, do you want to go see the new documentary, "Dealing with ADD"?
For Jaime: What was your reaction when you realized someone beat you to the post?
Answer: I think I've had too many already.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I don't understand, why won't you swallow this elephant over here ?
ACOJONADISIMO!
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Would you please shout something in a foreign language that I don't understand?
I found it in my back pocket.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Where did you get that ACOJONADISIMO!?
YES FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME!!!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Are you sure you have an ACOJONADISIMO in your back pocket?
Indistinguishably different.
[ November 19, 2005, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Yes, I _know_ you're color blind, but can't you understand how different that hot pink penguin is?
When the Avon people and the Girl Scouts showed up, I called it a loss.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So did you go back to sleep after the Mormon missionaries and the Jehovah's Witnesses interrupted your nap?
The sign said No Soliciting.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, baby, I'm a Libra -- what's your sign?
Overall, I'd have to say I prefer maggots to ants.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Would you rather eat ant salad or maggot pie?
I'd rather jump off a cliff.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why don't you just take a long walk on a short pier?
Let me introduce you to my little friend.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you think Scarface would have sounded like if he was a polite, Britsh youngster?
A: We have a shocking development, ladies and gentlemen. We have run out of shocking developments...
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What was that breaking story on Fox News just then?
Don't repeat that to anyone else.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
So it's true that you have 6 toes on each foot?
OK. But only because I like shiny things.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Would you loan me one hundred dollars if I gave you this shiny, star-shaped sticker?
A: This bottle says not to swallow. I guess that means you're screwed.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Is it just me, or does this stuff taste like strawberry?
I think it's more like a giant lemon.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Is it just me or does that blimp look just like the Wal-mart smiley?
I have to go; my bath has been drawn.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
But it is our wedding day! Do you at least have a good reason for leaving me?
I will never admit to that.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
(Assuming you are a man) So then, it's true that you used to enjoy wearing your grama's polkadot dress when you were a kid!
Sometimes, the more morbid things get, the funnier they are.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
My father murdered my mother. Then my brother killed my father. Then my sister killed my brother. Now I am hiding under the bed, hoping she won't find me too.
Now THAT is what I call logic.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you see Spock in the teddy-bear nighty?
Hmmmmm, Interesting.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did you ever notice that some people find EVERYTHING fascinating?
Stir over low heat to avoid sticking.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Oh no! I just spilled that delicate radioactive goo! What do I do now?
I don't have to do what you say!
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Don't let anyone tell you what to do.
The rest of this sentence is written in Thailand, on
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you reread those direction that came with the "Buy US" bumper sticker we just bought?
I'm sorry, that is in a rare dialect of "Stupid Poo-Poo Head."
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What does this complaint say? I don't understand all of these astericks. What does ****** mean?
A: Is it bad if you everything you say is translated into astericks in your personal speech bubble?
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Ok Steve, just post your most unintelligible question now.
Thats for YOU to know and for ME to find out
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Just how much guff do you think I'm willing to take, anyway?
I never could find my guff.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Guff, schmuff, luff - what's the difference?
Black, no cream, hot . . . well, maybe a little creamer.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you want in the coffee that you are going to pour on all these people who post statements instead of questions?
Just kidding!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So you really, really, really love me, and think that we should get married and have a lot of kids?
(edit: good ideas come slowly my way )
I'll answer that question only if OSC himself asks me.
[ November 23, 2005, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Will you marry me?
I thought you already had a wife.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'm looking to hire someone for a live-in position to look after the kids, the house, pick up my dry cleaning, run errands, and fix the meals -- do you know of anyone available?
Huh. Look at that. Flying pigs.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
The day I truly loose my mind will be the day that pigs sprout wings and fly.
Yeah, I have lost my mind.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Would you like to try going over Niagara Falls in a barrel sometime?
Home, James.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you call a homely looking British Spy?
That would be Austin Powers for 200.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you know someone that would look after the kids, the house, pick up my dry cleaning, run errands, and fix the meals and all that, and how much do you think I should pay for it?
Well, I might be a girl after all.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
You mean you are actually wearing a dress to the prom?
Imagine that!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why were you interested in going to the LGBTTQQULMNOP meeting?
Little lambs eat ivy.
Posted by Kettricken (Member # 8436) on :
How am I going to clear the ivy off my tall house?
It looks like a Christmas tree.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I've just finished my collage for the "one holiday and one number" school project. Whad'ya think?
You shouldnt believe everything you hear.
Posted by digging_hoIes (Member # 6963) on :
I was told not to believe everything I hear; what do you think?
Just shove a bezoar down their throats.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What should I do if my Thanksgiving guests don't care for my cooking?
Let's go see Goblet of Fire.
(edited for major meaning-affecting typo)
[ November 22, 2005, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: Uprooted ]
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Enough already you Harry-Potter-obsessed-freak! If you say one more time Lets go see Goblet of Fire Ill go nuts! Do you hear me?
I can only promise that I _ALWAYS_ break my promises.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
I just refuse to believe that.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Have I ever told you that I gave Orson Scott Card the idea for Ender's Game?
To thine own self be true.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are we going to just lie around here all day?
Don't take this lion down!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What did the critics say about new Disney Movie "The Lion King IX: Simba Doesn't Live Here Anymore"?
Nine bowls of cottage cheese.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
What do jiggly butts remind you of?
There went our lunch.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I know that you all love to eat chicken, but what does the other side of the road have to do with it?
[ November 25, 2005, 02:21 AM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
I forgot, what was my original question?
I am acojonadisimo.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what does one call oneself, as a member of the Allied Coordinated Order of Jesuit Overachieving Neighborhood Associates Directing Intelligent Science Into Modern Opportunities?
(*whew*)
Twist three times, then pull until there's a screech.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What is the secret handshake of the Allied Coordinated Order of Jesuit Overachieving Neighborhood Associates Directing Intelligent Science Into Modern Opportunities?
Leftovers are always better.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is it ok if we feed the guests old arsenic and lace?
Somebody needs to be sedated.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Wow, somebody managed to post 4000 times in just a few months?
Even Michael Brown could manage that.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Can you tell me who could manage to find out who this Michael Brown guy is?
I call it Mike-Shoft Ex-hail.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you call that sweetened mashed yams dish that is topped with the marshmallows?
Gobble Gobble.
Posted by D. James Larkin (Member # 8865) on :
So Mr. Turkey, what did you say he threatened to do to you?
I find talking during gestation vulgar.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How dare you say that women should be barefoot, pregnant and seen but not heard?!!
That's not how they do it in France.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
"Could you pass me my razor? I need to shave my legs.
Gosh! I'm STILL full!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Gosh: So you are playful, joyful, wonderful, mindful, thankful or what ?
I don't know that, but I know what you're going to ask next.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
<knock knock>
Who's there?
Without a doubt, it was Colonel Mustard, in the Library, with the Lead Pipe.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
Billy, who was the first president of the United States of America?
Ummm...Can I use a lifeline?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Oh My! There is a man overboard! What can we do?
I haven't a clue.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Where did Ted Kennedy get Burboun, we're in the middle of Saudi Arabia?
Where did all this blood come from?
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Before I answer that, I want you to know I've cut the phone line and locked the doors.
Are you trying to deplete the anchovy population?
Posted by rCX (Member # 8503) on :
Yes I am! Now order 17 more pizzas.
What's usually blue but turns green when squeezed?
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
If you had to think up a really good question for an online game, what would it be?
Your mother.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who is that over there wearing army boots?
When the cock crows.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
When will this thread die?
Somebody told me.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How did you learn the rules of the Begging the Question thread?
The question goes first.
Posted by rCX (Member # 8503) on :
Could you explain to me, a newbie, how to play the Begging the Question game?
It's here to stay.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Remind me what do I do when I'm testifying in court? (edited to say I was too slow--this is in response to MandyM)
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
What did you put for the "Name the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" question on your Bible test?
Don't worry, there will be a curve.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
The bullet is coming right at me! What do I do!?!?
Cooooooooookie Crisp!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What does the new Cookie Monster doll everyone is fighting over this Christmas say when you push his toe?
I don't think it's toejam.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Umm, what's in this container in the back of the fridge?
How thoughtful of you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I showed the police where you buried that body. Is that okay?
That was supposed to be our little secret.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Forgive me father for I have sinned
That Ted Kennedy will never learn
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Who's the dumbest kid in the class?
There's water all over the floor.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How will I know when Ice Palace season is over?
I'll take a dozen.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
How many dead babies would you like, Ma'am?
Because it went out the other way.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
How do you know it wasn't liquid inside that thing you swallowed?
3 pink ponies, an Xbox 360, a Mercedes Benz, and a tropical island.
Posted by Pariah (Member # 8773) on :
Santa, what do YOU want for christmas?
In nomine patris, et fili, et spiritus sancti
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Somebody do something, he's chocking! (not technically a quesion but it works)
That's because you're looking too far to the left
[ November 27, 2005, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: dantesparadigm ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why in the world can't we get a decent Democratic majority in Congress?
No thank you, I'm stuffed!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What did Winnie-the-Pooh say when he was offered dessert?
But he told me his cat could eat a whole watermelon.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why didn't you feed the watermelon to the cat, portion by portion?
I'll know when I get there.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
How hot is hell?
Because you know better than that.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Why did you tell me to stop?
Perhaps in a day or two he'll be in tip-top shape again.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now look what you've done!
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
Is it bad if I pushed the big red button that was labeled "Don't Push!"?
I think we should go again.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
So, did you enjoy the trip around the Southeastern Geological Museum?
Not in this lifetime, you won't.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave but one. Does this mean that I've got 999 more near-death experiences in store for me?
Oh! I swoon!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Does anyone swoon around here?
I've just lost my philotic twine twin...
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Why have you given up on love at such a young age?
There was a man with a wooden ear!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
This new conductor has a tin ear- who did he replace?
That isn't usually part of stuffing.
Posted by Kettricken (Member # 8436) on :
So what do I do with the feet?
It's in your bed.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Has anyone seen my lost dream?
But, I thought Tux was a penguin!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you keep your medicated hemorrhoid pads in the freezer?
He looks like death, but warmed over just a couple too many times.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Could you describe the Boss From Hell?
Xeno-philia.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the deal with all those "Warrior Princess" posters in your room?
That's nothing! I've got three.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
I have two feet. You?
I will do it for a stick of gum.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Would you give me two sticks of gum?
Definitely Barcelona.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Now Joe, m'boy, I know you studied hard and I appreciate it very much. So please tell me, what is the capital of France?
Control alt delete. Ctrl + alt + delete that is. TURN IT OFF, I MEAN!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey, I've heard that you have the ultimate solution for every coputer-related problem. What is it?
I would, if I could.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
If you were a woodchuck, would you chuck me some wood?
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E !!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What was the name of that cat that was always trying to catch Tweety Bird?
I don't think you heard me correctly.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You said you don't think I heared you correctly?
I know what I know.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Do you know what I know that I think you know that you know that I know you know?
Ummm ... how 'bout noooooo
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who's up for another helping of my Thanksgiving Leftover Surprise Casserole?
Hey, I've got feelings too, you know.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Have I told you that I have the greatest collection of filled bottles?
You realise the importance of being ME.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it true your part in the choral arrangement of "Doe a Deer" isn't very big?
Top shelf, two hundred and eighteenth from the right.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, I hear you have a whole library full of playing cards! An you have only ONE Ace of Spades! Man, you should keep that safe, not to lose it or something... By the way, where do you keep it?
The Ace of Spades.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Is this your card? No? How about this? Not that either? What about this? Seriously? Ok, it isn't this one is it? Or this one? Ok, fine. What was your card?
A: My hair was set on fire during the fateful March of the Witch Hunters.
Posted by sillygoose (Member # 1616) on :
How was your weekend?
That's my scarecrow!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Who is this handsome young man? And he has such taste, I absolutely love the hat and the crows. You must introduce me.
A: It was caused by the twisted transistor.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Why is my harddrive filled with Pornography?
You touch it once you become a king, you touch it twice you live forever, you touch it three times you're playing with yourself.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why's it called a fallous?
I was circumscribed.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
An interesting scar...and you say you got it as a newborn -- what happened?
Never before noon.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Is it afternoon already?
Use your imagination.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Do you think anything bad will happen if I push this red button labeled "Danger"?
Gary Larson's cows are funny.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you think I'm funny?
A surefire cure is an icepack, Advil, Mountain Dew, and a Sudafed. Either that or amputation.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
Ow! You scratched me! How am I supposed to get rid of these marks?!
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
*Scratch!* That's what you get for posting a one-liner that must serve as both question and answer!
I thought I was doing ok until the boss did my annual review.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
So I heard you were working at a strip club, how's that going for you?
Well that's not where I meant t put it.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why is MY box of Cheez-Its in your hands? And, apparently, now in your mouth?
A: I would like to be the first to congrat... *kicks shin*
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
Hi, I'm Shin, the guy who was hired for the job you've been trying to get. Are you mad at me?
Whoops. I forgot to put a second line.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
1+1-2? Perhaps you meant 1+1=2?
When I was 17, it was a very good year.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
When did you learn the addition table?
There is nothing wrong.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey! You! Up there on the clock tower! Yeah, you, with the semi-automatic! What the h--- is wrong with you?!!!
When I was 21, it was a very good year.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
When did you forget the addition table?
By the way, my real name is NOT.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
So, Nat, whaddya think, should we go do something Nat, huh Nat?
I should think not.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What were Rene Descartes' last words?
Excruciating pain, followed by death.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
How are you feeling?
Well, not quite that bad.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Is it true that my last post was so awful that you felt excruciating pain, and then actually wanted it to be followed by death?
I think I think, therefore I think I am.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you think that one guy would have sounded like if he wasn't so sure about his ideas?
A: Nobody's real. Especially that Smurf over there doing the Macarena.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What did Morpheous tell Neo when he was watching cartoons on tv in the matrix?
I can see your undies cause I have X-ray vision.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What are you whispering? And why are you staring at that manakin?
A: Don't do it. Don't you dare do it. If you do, I'll make fun of your STUPID, UGLY THUMBS! Don't do it! THUMBS! *waves thumbs frantically*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would it be okay if I gave this thread two thumbs up?
I think you really nailed that one.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What do you think of my 10 penny impression I left in the wood?
My thumbs are no uglier than your big toes.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What are those horrific appendages sticking out of your hands?
Thats my cell phone.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Is that a vibrator in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I think that was a bit obvious.
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
So you're saying that if I don't get it, it must be intuitively obvious?
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What is your favorite song?
If you could see it then you'd understand.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
Is it really that small?
I meant your house.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
That was so generous -- and brave! -- of you to offer to hold the closing night party -- what with all the public drunkenness and loud revelry, vandalism and unspeakable acts and all that went on last year. So...what time should we be at your house?
Oops...
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Are you sure that's what you meant when you said the Christmas tree would just "light up"?
The firefighters are late.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I thought the Fireman's Ball would be a more happening party -- what's the deal?
If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
May I attach a rider to that ammendment to appropriate 2.7 billion dollars to improve the mass transit sytem in Boston.
That didn't work very well.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
We aren't putting real candles on the Pyromaniacs Annonymous Christmas tree this year?
That is one big orangatan.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What you say 'bout my mama?
Our family's passion is cheese.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Why are you staring at my breasts like you want to milk them?
That might have been too vague.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, you know, maybe later you and I could, you know, um...?
When I'm good and ready, that's when!
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
When are you going to stop sucking your thumb?
Blah blah blah blah.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Psst! Peppermint Patty! What did the English teacher just say?
It is more like Off-Key Lime Pie.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Are you walls seriously colored puke green?
Its your pen.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
This room is an absolute sty! What do you have to say for yourself?
Well, for Independence Day, I'm making Francis Scott Key Lime Pie.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Do you have some sort of an obsession with Key Lime Pie?
I prefer blueberry cobbler myself.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Which would you prefer, blueberry cobbler or DEATH!
You can't ask me that without showing me yours first.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pieman "Show me now your ware?"
The key is the lime juice.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
How does one open the gates to Fruitopia?
Less pie and more action.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
As American as Cool Whip and Jello Pie.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What do you think of Faith Hill?
Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Will you ever move out of this pig sty?
All things remaining equal.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What is the ratio of lime juice to sweetened condensed milk in a key lime pie?
You used my razor again dangit!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
If, hypothetically speaking, I were to say to you that I am bleeding profusely from numerous small cuts, what would your response be?
I'm makin waffles!
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
How did you blow up the house this time?
It's not a stick, it's a whicklewhacker!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
what's with the sticky thing?
Twice, in the back.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
You say you heard mice quack?
Ugh, ergh, blah, bleh, argh, pft.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you insist on talking with your mouth full of pie?
Oh, I've got high hopes.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Do you think they have key lime pie?
If a little's good, more's better.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you take so much abuse?
Well, that would explain the latex outfit, I guess.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you know that unprotected intimate contact can spread some pretty nasty diseases?
Mrs. Smith and Betty Crocker.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Who were those two women fighting over the last bag of limes in the produce section?
I ate it all myself.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Where did the Definately Not Key Lime Pie go?
The stapler did it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
If the dish ran away with the spoon, then who hooked up with the tape dispenser?
Key Lime Pie.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Let's sing that old song like we used to back in the bakery -- um, what key was it in?
Ooops, I dropped it!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
My delicious Key Lime Pie! What happened to it?
Just don't let the dog track it round the house.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
You don't mind if I bathe the dog in whipped cream, do you?
At least it tastes good.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Aren't you getting tired of all the Key Lime pie references?
No, it's called Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What? The Shire is in Harry POtter? Now JKR has gone too far ...
No, but it does help.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Do you have to include the lime in the recipe?
How many times do I have to tell you juan, levanta con tus rodillas.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Did you know you can get suspended for speaking Spanish?
As you wish.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you really want me to push you over this cliff Dread Pirate Roberts?
All he did was loan the kid a dollar!
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
What's his excuse for buying drugs?
That doesn't sound very reasonable
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Why don't you cut your hair off and then get tattos all over the shaved head?
No, because then I'd have to shovel snow from the driveway.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Are you ever going to admit that your thermoregulatory system isn't really screwed up?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What'll it be, my friend?
I'll do it -- for a dollar and a slice of that pie.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
If everyone else jumped off a bridge would you do it?
Once in a blue moon.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Have your ever jumped off a bridge?
All I will need are my boots, jacket and thermos.
Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
Who's ready to go wild coffee hunting!?
NOT THE SOFA!!!!!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you mind if I bathe the furniture in whipped cream?
Your thermos is leaking.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Uh...can you explain why there is a warm puddle of something on the sofa?
Oh, never mind.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Could you recommend a Nirvana album?
Because I'm in a full body cast, you nitwit.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why don't you just get up off your duff and get your own slice of pie, you lazy git?
Not in the face!
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Would you like some pie?
I'm not so sure after the cherry bomb incident.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
So, what do you think of our new neighbors?
Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
what are you going to do about that massive blood spatter stain on the ceiling?
Fine, but if I do that I'm getting more than one cookie.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The gang is planning to knock over the corner bakery. Are you in or are you out?
Well, it's better than a phlegm bucket.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do you make of the eighteenth century brass spittoon in the center of the bar?
Maccaroons- no, danish- um, german chocolate cake- argh! Argh! Argh!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What's that spot on your shirt from?
I'm so lost.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?
Enough already!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What did the chicken say when he crossed the road for the 15.366.346th time and still heard chicken-crossing-the-road jokes?
[edited for misspelling]
Je vous en prie de continuer.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Est-ce que je dois continuer en franais, ou prfrez-vous l'anglais?
It's like the Hungarian Rhapsody, except translated into French.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did that critic's column say to get the maestro so angry?
A-plus, and you stll fail.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean when you say that I'm a "perfect failure"?
Well, sometimes it switches.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Didn't you say that the big hand tells the minute and the little hand tells the hour?
Baste it slowly in a medium oven.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
These shirts are almost finished, but it sure is cold in here--what do I do now?
Sorry, I just forgot.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I've told you a thousand times! Stop apologising for forgetting things!
I never forget, unless I recall not to remember.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Did you forget to blow out the candles before going on vacation again?
Hold that thought.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What exactly does a "Pensieve" do, anyway?
You might find his head on a Pez dispenser.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
I've been looking for a picture of Abraham Lincoln ... any clue where I could find it?
I'd rather not talk about that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me, Obi Wan?
I just happen to have one laying around the house.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Could I borrow your Abe Lincoln Pez dispenser?
Oh, I thought you meant girl power.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So we draw on the tension of discarded or surplus girdles, which in turn powers the... What's wrong?
Angels _and_ ministers of grace might be too much to hope for.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What decoration should we have for the top of the Christmas tree?
It's an industry term.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How does "lost both his arms and legs in a heavy machinery accident" become "deprived of a majority of useful assets"?
Unlock and unload.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How do you take off your bra?
Don't shoot the UPS driver.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
The CIA is here again, with their dark trucks and fancy surveillance equipment. Don't worry; I got him in my sight.
Not that KetchupQueen, I meant Teresa Heinz Kerry
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Who did you say should be Hilary's running mate?
It's too windy for wind chimes.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I couldn't hear you over the wind-chime "Saber Dance": what did you say again?
But hey, the insurance covers it!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Dude! This isn't just any ole lizard! Don't you see that you just ran over the GEIKO lizard?
The Men in Black are here to see you.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who is asking for my "Resident Alien" card?
We are equal opportunity bigots.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you lynching a Klansman?
(no offense intended, anyone.)
Well, it beats holiday Muzak.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Want to help me shove this icepick in my ear?
Ask Wilma and Betty that question.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you use Yabba-Dabba-Do to get your hair so nice and shiny?
That seems like a drastic solution to a minor problem.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you like to join in my plan to overthrow the government so that we can eliminate the minimum age to serve alcohol?
That's why you shouldn't supersize.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Ack! What is this huge mass on my butt?
You must be drunk!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
To St. Peter: How come I can't get in?
I can't say that over the phone.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Surely you can't be serious?
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did you hear that there's going to be an HBO show on Utah polygamists?
C'est la vie.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you mean we're out of eggnog??
You spiked the punch.
Posted by Kettricken (Member # 8436) on :
Why did you put that sword in my cake?
It is to set fire to the Christmas pudding
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you explain what the eight candles on the Menorah are for?
Fusion cuisine!
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
What do you call a restaurant where the soup is never cold?
Well, technically it's a praying mantis larva.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
yumm ... what was that white chocolatey thing I just ate?
Thats the last one.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have another straw?
I don't know and I don't care.
Posted by rajel_lebeina (Member # 8959) on :
what's worst, indifference or ignorance?
I ate them all.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What happened to my chocolate covered praying mantis larva?
Sieze the day!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you think it is possible for me to achieve 5000 posts before the end of the year?
Awww...SHADDUP!!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
But wouldn't that make you a post hog?
I prefer my corn popped in oil.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you putting that bag of microwave popcorn in the deep fryer?
Hogs are supposed to be one of the cleanest animals but I don't believe it.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How did Babe do as a housekeeper?
The shiFt key keeps gEtting StUcK>
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why do you put caps INSIDE your words?
That is not a valid excuse.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Uh...my parents can't come to school for parent teacher conferences because they are invalids?
As refreshing as a cool crisp icepick in the eye.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How did you like Ishtar?
Santa was wearing a yamika under his red hat.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How can I get red wine stains out of my liver?
I just don't get it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Didn't you like Ishtar?
Santa has nothing on me.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think that Santa would want you to wear to the Christmas party?
It's soup of the day.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's that horrid smell emenating from the bowl with the placard that says November 8, 2001?
La la la, I'm not listening...
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
You do know Santa isn't real, right?
Blasphemer!
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
Isn't eggnog better without the brandy?
I think you've had one too many hits of the yuletide schnapps.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey baby, how about coming back to my place and we can deck the halls all night?
Fine. Just fine.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
How do you like the hair for your wig?
It's in the book.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Where did you leave the bookmark?
Well, isn't that special!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Church Lady what do you think of the new constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage?
Silly me! I forgot!
[edited to add an answer]
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Doctor, you sewed up the patient, but where is the scalpel?
I love Christmas so much.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Why are you up in Christmas Jones's tree with a pair of binoculars?
In the car . . . the basement . . . um, I think I may have left it in Greece.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You left your heart WHERE?
I could have sworn that it was San Francisco.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you know that the San Diego Zoo is in San Diego?
Santa is REAL, I tell you!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, how do you explain that your dad has a milk mustache, bits of cookie on his pajamas, and little pieces of scotch tape on his hands?
Because _all_ the best things start with sauteeing an onion.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why in the world do you need a honeymoon suite with a kitchenette?
Well, that's perverted.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you see that kid across the street with the pussy cat?
A: I think that I was.....eating macaroni and cheese....or something.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What were you doing when you found out Santa wasn't real?
Kraft is really the best.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I need a cheese product that doubles as spackle. Any suggestions?
That's a novel use for leftover turkey.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you read "A Tale of Two Turkeys"?
Not only that, it also leaves a minty freshness.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you think of that new toothpaste flavored soda?
A: I couldn't come up with anything else! Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why on earth did you leave that woman tied to the railroad tracks in your latest novel?
Well, ain't that just the bee's knees.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
(oops! late!)
For Steve: Why do you get the dry heaves when you are through throwing up?
For Uprooted: I'm breaking all barriers in insect surgery -- would you like to read my paper on a new procedure for ACL repair on flying bugs?
Now that's just disgusting.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Did you realize that your brain is hanging out your nose?
A: I once stole an RV from Wal-Mart's parking lot.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What is your reasoning for not shopping at Wal-Mart? The increase in overseas manufacturing? The idea that Wal-Mart treats their employees poorly? That you just don't like low prices?
Yeah, I'd stay away from it too.
Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
Dear Abby, Do you think it's ok to skip my sister's fourth wedding? She says it's too skimpy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did Fatima like that new summer sheer burka you got for her birthday?
Oy Gevalt!
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
How do you say "I've got a luvverly bunch of coconuts, deedlee-dee" in Yiddish?
~Joldo avoiding his landmark
(^yes, that is your answer)
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So tell me again why you invited ten of the Internet's most vicious and irritating trolls to post about Joldo?
Tomorrow I curry lentils, today I'm currying favor.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What are you going to do with that curry comb?
Well, THAT's certainly a telling question!
Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
Should I disclose all my indictments on the application, or just the convictions? A very narrow escape!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What was the neam of that episode where Plastic Man eluded the villain by sliding out through the mail slot?
All I can say is, I deny everything!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Was that you I saw sniffing cocaine off a nuclear warhead at a terrorist training camp in Afghanistan?
Yes, my nose is that big.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, you own the Golden Gate Bridge, the Atkins Diet is good for you, Iraq posessed weapons of mass destruction, Robert Jordan knows how "The Wheel of Time" is going to end, and you'll still respect me in the morning- do i have all this right, Pinocchio?
Excedrin, white bread, two hundred feet of cotton batting- I'm ready.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
So, you're going to try cordless bungee jumping again, are you?
A whole lot more than a cup of tea.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Whoops too late!
Sterling: What are you bringing to the New Year's Eve party?
Brinestone: Madame Cleo, what do you see in my teacup?
[ December 30, 2005, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: MandyM ]
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
(Okay, Mandy, that was awesome. I think you were responding to Sterling's answer, but it worked equally well for mine.)
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
LOL It did work for both!
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Help! the juicer has magically come to life and is attacking me, what should I do?!?
It's time to turn over a new leaf.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Eve: So, Adam, what's your excuse for cheating on me?
It was too obvious.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why has no one ever started at "Begging the Quaalude" Dobie thread?
Not mine. But YOUR mother, perhaps.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So whose house should we toilet paper tonight for our New Year festivities?
Just sell it on ebay.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'm SO disappointed with my Hatrack gift exchange this year -- what should I do with it?
(Derrell -- just kidding!)
I prefer a more subdued color palate.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
Would you like to borrow my coat of many colors?
He speaks, and yet he says nothing.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What would Jesus say about Pat Robertson?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey, that's the president's speech, why do you change the channel?
[ edit: this was actually aimed for the previous post. Funny it works for this one too ]
You should have used your vote.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
LOL, we posted at the same time but your question works with my answer!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you mean we aren't going to play Uno? I thought we took a fair vote. Why aren't we playing Uno!?
A: I read somewhere that reading can make you better at reading.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
[added question for SR:]
Can you give me a counter-example of a vicious circle?
MandyM, why are you not upset for posting at the same time with me?
Life is funnier than one might think.
[PS: this simopost thing is ACOJONADISIMO ]
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Why do you always answer all my questions with fake gnomic wisdom?
The python.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
With what shall I punish suminon for posting at the same time as me?
Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hulk, you're my personal hero, but I think you are just a bit egocentric. Can you give me some advice that is NOT related to you?
I like you anyways.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
oops, did I spill that acid all over you?
Well, just make the butler do it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Oh great! Now that you've pissed off the Hulk, who is going to calm him down again?
I was saving that acid for a special occasion.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are you so bummed out about me pouring the LSD into the enemy's well?
Oh no! That was my last egg!
Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
So, how's menopause working out for you?
I think my biological clock is a sundial.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why does avoiding the sunlight slow the appearance of aging?
I hear that Miss Clairol was a major sponsor of "Roots".
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What makes you think that marketers are superficial in their understanding of literature?
My knee still hurts.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Sorry I dropped my biological sundial on you. Are you ok?
The book is always better.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Why on Earth are you eating that copy of Harry Potter?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Do you really think it's a good idea to wear that Jayne hat to the New Year's eve gala?
Don't mind me, I'm just babbling.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Brook, what are you doing flowing downstream like that?
It's too loud. I can't hear you.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Do you like the air show?
I don't want to go to bed.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Oops! slow post.
Q for MandyM: How many times do I have to tell you to turn down the volume??
Q for Vasslia: (kinda funny we both used really similar "A"s.) Why are you playing Begging the Question?
A: I can't believe I'm still online.
[ January 01, 2006, 11:34 PM: Message edited by: Uprooted ]
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Vasslia: Why are you sleeping on the floor?
Uprooted: You're right, Your computer must be possessed. Isn't it unplugged?
I love a good bubble bath.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Why is there no more dishwasher soap?
I thought I buried it 13 paces west of the rock shaped like a lamp and 6 paces north of the tree thats been up rooted.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How could it be possible that a lightning strike wiped your hard drive with the only copy of your thesis on Captain Kidd's treasure -- didn't you have a backup copy?
Mayonnaise is good for that.
Posted by The White Whale (Member # 6594) on :
My laptop has a virus, any suggestions on how to fix it?
Yup, that's really a true story.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Is the story "A fictional tale from a made-up land read by a person who was born and its dogs, Ficcin, Erfindung and Romanzo" a ture story?
42
Posted by The White Whale (Member # 6594) on :
Are you thinking what I'm thinking *wink* ?
24
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
The answer to the ultimate question is?
The question about life, the universe and everything but as to what it is exactly, well you'll have to ask someone else.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Okay, this one is difficult... how much is two plus two?
Dogs and cats
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Oh dear, it's been raining all day. And what ever do you have in that bucket?
Frankly, my dear, I don't want to go to some hoity-toity restaurant. I want to eat crow.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Have you ever been to the Big Chicken in Marietta?
I could go for some Thai food tonight.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
[Haha! Yes! I live in Marietta, and when I first moved here I loved how everyone gave directions relative to the Big Chicken]
What shall we do with poor Fluffy's body? [I know, tasteless stereotype. Don't hit me]
Well, it's a moral conundrum.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Whats todays weather like?
I know, I know but I couldn't help myself.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
[Wow, Black Mage, I had no clue you lived in GA, let alone Marietta, when I posted that -- I'm in Woodstock. But I had just read directions to a market that mentioned the Big Chicken, so when I saw "eat crow" and "hoity toity" (LOL) it's what came to mind!]
Vasslia: Did you really have to laugh at Black Mage's joke about Fluffy?
I'm not at all sure I'm comfortable with that idea.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
I am going to cut down this tree and have it fall between the house and the car, ok?
Yes but it was only because of hunger.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
Did you rip poor fluffy into peices with your bare hands?
I would have, but we are having chicken for dinner.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did you just make another tasteless joke about Fluffy the dog?
I'm going back to take a look at the cholent thread.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Why are you wearing the rain coat?
No, I never thought of that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hve you ever considered treating your fellow Hatrackers with respect and consideration, instead of constantly belittling them?
I think, therefore I have a headache.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why does reading Hatrack send you straight to the Advil bottle?
It's my New Year's Resolution.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
So your never going to post on Hatrack again/
Yeah, I just got the DVD.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
< >
Do you even know how to make Thai food?
I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
So you think it'll be ok if I just poke the bear with a 9.4189352 foot pole?
I think I will make green tea now.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Man, did you hear? The for'ners are usin' weird teas to control our minds! Ye're not involved in that, right?
Well, it exfoliates while giving my skin a lovely greenish tone. And I smell like cedarwood for weeks!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You use Pine Sol to clean your toilet and your face? Why?
That doesn't mean anything. Cigarettes are made from all natural herbs, too.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
So the cigarettes burst into flames when you held it close to the ice?
I thought I saw a pussycat.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
What's the Thai curry sauce for?
Well, now it's a shirt.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Whats that thing wrapped around your head.
Its the new edition.
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Why does your history book have scribbled mustaches on the portraits?
Everybody likes a little hairy surprise.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did you feel about Bush winning the election?
Easy! It is 2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, how many gifts did you get on the 9th day of Christmans?...
Oh, _that's_ what "mechanically seperated chicken" means.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Why are they pouring that bucket "chicken" into the meat grinder?
I found it in my Life box.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ooh! Where'd you get the cereal prize?
Only you would ask such a question.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Am I really myself?
You're never sure of anything.
Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
Why won't you listen to me? That's why I wouldn't marry you.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
*ack* slow post . . .
for suminonA: Does this post make me look fat?
for Rember: Do I really seem that insecure to you?
I want waffles for breakfast.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Want waffles I breackfast for?!
On the other side of the moon.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Where's Alice Kramden?
On the other hand, a taco sounds really good for lunch.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
So, either you have some of my lovely lima bean and anchovy raviolasagna or we'll have to go out for fast food. Which is it?
Don't be such an interrobang.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did the lost boys say to Peter Pan when he decided to leave Neverland and hook up with Wendy?
I didn't know we had to learn new punctuation!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why don't you use the ::double-colon:: in your posts?
You said that before.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Why don't you use the ::double-colon:: in your posts?
I will in 3.14 minutes.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Are you ever going to be done baking that pi?
I haven't the foggiest idea.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Whats it called when its like a cloud is on the ground?
I told you, it wasn't my problem.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How did that hatchet get buried in your skull?
Happy New Year!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Whats is it that people say in July again?
It's not mine.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
To who does this hatchet belong too?
Quite! I'm on the phone.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it true you interject dyslexically?
You know, they actually did a study...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A pin head.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So the pins are having a revolution. Who's the leader?
Size matters to some.
[ January 05, 2006, 06:43 AM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Don't you think they server these meals too small?
It was on a cd I found lying in the street.
[ January 05, 2006, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: Vasslia Cora ]
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
Have you heard that puddle of mudd song?
Well, that isn't what you said yesterday.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now do you believe that today is the first day of the rest of your life?
That's the beauty of it. It doesn't DO anything!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Honey dew, mountain dew, hair do, past due, Husker du, Dog doo... <sigh> So, what did _you_ bring to contribute?
Look, it's just not something I'm willing to make a new year's resolution.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Could you at least try to stop playing chicken with pedestrians?
Some would call it stalking. I call it caring.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you please stop poking me in the arm?
I thought it was familiar.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: You realize that is your liver you just fed the cat?
A: My clothing doesn't match...
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Did you get your haircut?
But it looked so funny.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What were you thinking when you painted _that_ on the president's face?
It's just your imagination.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
Did you just punch me?
It was 4 score and 7 years ago.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
When was it you dressed up as Abraham Lincoln for the Halloween party?
If that's on the test, I'm calling in sick.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
What did I have for lunch on June 9th 1988?
The trash was full.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Why are you chucking your muck in my backyard?
Pickled peppers piping hot.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
What did Jack pick?
She sold them on the sea shore.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What did Mary Quite Contrary do with her silver bells and cockle shells?
It feels better when I wear the brace.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So your doctor prescribed you something after your Viagra overdose?
I'm qualified to answer that, yet feel I should refuse to.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
God, what is the meaning of life?
I don't think you are supposed to use it that way.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do you think about the line: "My way or the highway"?
[edit: for typo]
My way.
[ January 07, 2006, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, Frank Sinatra, how DID you do it?
Well, I guess the chicken did come first, then.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Don't you think it's obvious that the egg couldn't have crossed that road?
We're getting close to page 173 Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
So, how far are we in the karma sutra handbook you picked up?
Smerdyakov's a bastard.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why did you name your child Smerdyakov?
It's Kama Sutra, you know.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
So, what did you and Kama do on your date?
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So, what did you and Kama do on your date?
I don't mind, really.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Mind your own business, will ya?
You take the first step.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So how do we go about demolishing this staircase?
In another hour, I'll either have an answer, or it won't matter.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Youre the one with the brains, how long before we enter the Event Horizon?
It's a matter of anti-matter.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Whatsa matta?
Uh oh...
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So, Neo did you take the blue pill or the red pill? You mean you took BOTH?!?!?!?!!??!
I wonder what will happen to you now.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I spent a whole day trying to come up with a question?
It's like perseverance to stubbornness.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How did you manage to ride that donkey all the way across the country?
That was hard.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How did the ice cream you dipped in liquid helium turn out?
Tragically wacky.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Oh my, that poor clown, did they ever manage to get that unicycle out of his skull?
I believe that qualifies as a persistent vegetative state.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How would you describe the clown's condition?
Mercy sakes! That's some bass.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So I heard Jay Lo went fishing...how did that go?
My uncle certainly thought so.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, was it worth the trouble of introducing your mothers only brother to your fathers father in laws only son?
It was a family business.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, you make clones of yourself, who in turn make other clones of you, who in turn are shipped off for medical experiments?
Neither law nor reason is on my side, but here I am anyway.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
suminonA: Why do you think they shut down that porn shop?
Sterling: What was President Bush's inaugural speech?
Never on a first date!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why won't you relax, and behave naturally?
High hopes lead to great disappointments.
Posted by Topher (Member # 9028) on :
But how can I tell someone about _that_ on the first date without getting slapped?
The truth hurts SO much.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I've just told you that I love you. Why do you have to scream like that?!
Some things are unbelievable.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you highlighting "Ripley's Believe It or Not?"
A planet where apes evolved from men!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Where is that Mark Wallberg these days?
Houston, we have a problem.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sorry to interrupt, but
quote:Originally posted by Stone_Wolf_: What was President Bush's inaugural speech?
Carry on!
Posted by Topher (Member # 9028) on :
(concur, rofl)
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What do you mean that the space monkey opened the hatch and dropped three tons of human waste on Texas?
A: Do me a favor. Give me a three second head start, so I can run away as fast as I possibly can.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Do you feel lucky?
All day long.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
You mean to tell me you've actually been working?
Only every other one.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you implying that I post in EVERY thread?
Some salve ought to help with that little problem.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do I do now with all this salves?
So now I have a bigger problem.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mazel Tov! You slew Grendl! So what are you so worried about?
Mother knows best.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
So you woke up, defecated upon yourself, had a shower trying to clean up, tripped over your jeans as there were no towels, broke your nose, injured your lip, caught your penis in the zip, and as you were driving to the doctor the cops arrested you without a phonecall and a bail, and now you hope I won't put you in jail?
I dreamed of a hot Ethiopian chic playing on this instrument singing of some Godforsaken mountain. (Bonus points for locaing the quote!)
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
(Oops, written to suminonA!)
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
(In a Frued voice) So, tell me about your dreams.
I would, but I have no money.
P.S. Do not click on the link above if you mind profanity as it is -rife- with it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So now that we all master the concept of "buying for free", would you buy _this_ for free?
That's too expensive for me.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Better than free, we'll pay you $5, and all you have to do is sit through three Uwe Boll movies! Interested?
Because I can't find people who casually reference Beowulf anywhere else.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you always running off to Geatland?
Geat...just geat!
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
Did you know the phantom R-stealer is on the loose again?
I hope he doesn't go thee.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
My sister invented a new look. She calls it "thee". Would you tell that to your brother?
Fractals aren't for everyone.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you paint over all those cool shapes I drew on your walls?
I was offended by the link in that post.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why does Jonathan Howard have a red hand print on his face?
My pants are plaid!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Your pants were played?
Just check out those slithy toves, gyring and gimballing in the wabe.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Do you want me to get you some cheese? I can get you some cheese.
The omlete recipe calls for bacon.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Should I make your eggs a la Shakespeare or a la Marlowe?
The borogroves were as mimsey as all get out, I tell you.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So tell me again why you were hiding in the tumtum tree?
I hit him with my vorpal blade.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What WAS that snicker-snack sound?
Keep that up and you'll be sure to have quite a stomachache.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
If I drink spoiled milk, but I can't smell it or taste it, is the milk still spoiled?
I seem to lack good sense.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you waste so much time begging the question?
I wouldn't ask Dick Cheney that question, if I were you.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Is your name an allusion to underwear made of metal chains?
They said this was fashion.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I don't understand "It was Mary, Mary, long before the fascists came". Do you?
They're not WMD -- they're atomic fire balls!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
We asked for weapons of mass destruction, why is there a AFB mark on them?!
I thought WMD stands for World Movement for Democracy...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
All Right! Are all our contestants ready to play What's My Dayjob?
It wasn't so much that he was in his teens, or that he was into all that Ninja mumbo-jumbo. They could even see past that mutant thing he had going on. But my parents absolutley forbid me to go out with a turtle.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So how are things going with you and Leonardo?
For the seventh and final time, no!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you kiss me on Monday? Would you kiss me on Tuesday? Would you kiss me on Wednesday? Would you kiss me on Thursday? Would you kiss me on Friday? Would you kiss me on Saturday? Would you kiss me on Sunday?
The answer is -- A Herring!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What do you use to cut down the biggest tree in the forest?
Preheat your oven to 250 degrees for fifteen minutes.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
How can we cremate Poppin' Fresh with proper ceremony?
For the last time, it's purple and overpriced--no!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Will you buy me the platinum-shaving stuffed, 1-1 scale limited edition Barney collectable?
If wolvesbane won't work, try anchovy paste.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do I keep Stone_Wolf_ from snitching the last slice of pizza?
It's a date!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What the heck is MCMLXXIV ?
I've been dreaming about that for a long time.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Is that a chafing dish hitting Fahim over the head?
Smelly piles of stinking rotting elephant crap.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What shall we do now that we tamed all these elephants?
Sugar is better.
Posted by 0range7Penguin (Member # 7337) on :
Ever tried doing heroin?
Death!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What would you say is the major downside of getting old?
I hate anchovy paste!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you want _this_ last slice of pizza?
Push the button!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What is that Dr. Forester always says to Frank at the end of MST3K?
My appendix has ruptured!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What WAS that snicker-snack sound?
Only if you can find it on the top of a Pez dispenser.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's the ultimate proof that your face is remarcable?
The puzzle.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What gave you this massive headache?
That flash hurts!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
suminonA: We need another crappy, teen filled horror/suspense flick with some crappy twist at the end to rake in more money than good movies like "Serenity"...but what should we call it?
Dr Strangelove: Did Bob Hope just open his robe?
Second star to the left and on til morning.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know the way to San Jose?
And when you die, they can bury you in it.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
This is a great car, it does everything, even start. What do you think?
Hey, that was my shoe.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you think it is acceptable to toss one's gum on the ground if there is not a trash can around?
I can clean that off in a jiffy!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I got peanut butter on my shirt!
I'm learning by osmosis.
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
I'm sorry, what did you say?
I like ^ > < ^ > < better, its my favorite song, what can I say.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Does anyone actually like that "I love you period. Do you love me question mark? Please, please, exclamation point!..." song?
Poignant, indeed tragic, but irrelevant.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I can't understand a word you're saying?
The page 173 is almost over.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
When will we get to page 174?
No, not that button!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Is this the button that stops the world from being completely annhilated?
Not to 50!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you want to sing "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" with me?
I don't like beer.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's the difference between an elephant and a six pack of Bud?
Mysterious.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who's that over there with Mrs. Rious?
Must be Iocane Powder.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What was that powdery substance on the sides of my hotel glass that I found under my bed last night? (I really did find one)
Sepulveda smells.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you cut your vacation to California short?
It's almost as bad as a skunk.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How bad is a good skunk?
You aren't able.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Did you know my name is Cain?
Have you reported this to accounting?
Posted by Vasslia Cora (Member # 7981) on :
I just got this check in the mail and it is blank!
They had to make it look good.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do you make of the calligraphy font used in this death threat?
I'd normally suggest club soda, but in this case...
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I know you hate me, but you are a professional vet now. My hamster needs an urgent transfusion, what would you suggest?
Ultra thick and opaque.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean you like your girls the way you like your espresso?
Don't ask me. Ask Dick Cheney.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So, Bush, do you really want to invade the Middle East even though we have confirmed that there are no weapons of mass destruction?
Sorry if I offend you.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How can you say "I love you" to my face?!
I ask for it nicely, I wont get as low as begging the question.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
How did you get that answer?
George just lucky I guess.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How did Bush get elected?
MMmmmmmmmmystery Meat
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's got your lips sealed shut?
Well, C isn't _just_ for cookie...
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why do you have that big C painted on the front of your pants.
Sorry. It's late and I couldn't think of anything better.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Why is there only a big C painted on this death threat letter?
He's got more spunk than Dick Cheney's Cat!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why do you say that your brother needs to be castrated?
Someone asured me that love will prevail.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I'm buying cynical disgust at 6 and 1/4; what are you buying stock in?
Not in a million... Oh wait, it just happened.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Hey! Did you hear Hell is going to freeze over?
Too. Tired. To. Type.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What would cause you to use so many superfluous capital letters and periods in that sentence?
Knit three, Perl one, Knit three, Perl one...
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
What was that knitting pattern again?
Perhaps we can make a deal.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I'm here for your soul!
Never in a million years!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How frequently do you bathe, anyway?
I'd get a little Herve Villechaize, on my left shoulder.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Where would you get a Tattoo?
Bring us a shrubbery.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do I have to do to get you to stop saying "ni" to me?
Worse, it's in twenty-three leatherbound volumes.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you believe that they are making novelizations of the Lord of the Rings movies?
If worse comes to worst, you can always turn it into a planter.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What the sam hill am I gonna do with this eighteenth century spitoon I bought at 3 AM in a fit of insanity on EBay?
That's a terrible example.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why don't you set a better example for your little sister? Like your father and I try to set a good example for you.
That IS my final answer.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So what is your final answer to my proposal? Are you sure you want to say no?
I am a great catch.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Contestant # 1, what is your opinion on fishing?
I think it's completely unethical.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So, what do you say to investing heavily in defense contracts, and then using the outrage of a national tragedy and lying about weapons of mass destruction to invade a sovereign nation?
I did not inhale.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
You look really woozy, are you sure you're ok?
The pretty bendy lights are my favorite.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you have a favorite Pink Floyd album cover?
In answer to that, I've pulled the pin on this grenade.
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
So, will I ever see you again?
Three kids in a bathtub.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
(Bravo, Kent!)
So, on the third day of the mud slides, your true love gave what to you?...
I don't recommend reading the Nutrition Facts.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Have you tried PediaBeer on your kid yet?
The auditorium was only half full.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did the optimistic motivational speaker quantify the size of the audience?
Shaggy, Velma, Fred, Daphne, and Scooby.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Can you name your children, in random order?
That was not random.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Burgleflickle, Ashurbinapal, cheeseburger song, bhimosy, gafoooey, Andrew Jefferson, say wha....?
He was a cruel evil Assyrian king.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Exhibit A in the case that you attempted to cheat on your history exam with notes from the wrong class, Mister Johnson: Could you please read what you wrote under "What were the accomplishments of the administration of Harry Truman?"
It's the only thing that grows out here.
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
Why on earth did you grow a pickle?
I would have planted some dill.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Heya Mr Klausen, how do you like my rose garden?
Come on, it was a pickle joke.
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
What, precisely, was that long-winded diatribe supposed to convey?
I make video games.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Ok, your dad is bigger than my dad, but I can play and win any video game! Beat that?!
It's soundproof.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
How exactly is that vest useful; considering how much blood there is on my floor?
I don't think that's good enough.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Dark Master, weve managed to create the perfect evil, incarnated in this hideous monster. What say you?
"Relative" is a relative term.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
Have you ever met my relatives?
You didn't have to bring all of your books back!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
He's surrounded by attending cherubim and seraphim, his voice cured my dad's cancer, and he glows from within; don't you think maybe we should at least listen to what he's saying?
As soon as someone invents practical sonic weaponry, we're set.
EDIT: D'oh! Sorry, guys- I was way too slow on the draw.
To sarcare: Would you be interested in hearing why the book I borrowed is coated in dragon bile, professor Snape?
[ January 24, 2006, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: Sterling ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you having any success in your hedgehog extermination business?
It's not MY fault; she made me eat the apple.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Adam, you ruined it for all of us guys; why should I not return you to the dust where you belong?
They call me Ishmael.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
On my last fishing trip, I lost over a hundred bucks worth of gear, got so sick I threw up twice, and was lost for two days without food; can ya beat that?
_You_ tell him to shut up.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
God I wish Jet Li would stop talking so much, why don't you tell him to shut up?
Mine's pink.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
*overwhelmed with pride* Could my lawn get any better?
No, I think you were right.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Can you believe that I was the only one left here?
Yes, what you said.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Hence it is that, whatever force my reasonings may possess, yet because the belong to philosophy, I do not expect they will have much effect on the minds of men, unless you extend to them your patronage and approval (Descartes), which I now ask, will you?
Do what the man says.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
The man says to listen to the woman, and the woman says NOT to listen to the man. What am I supposed to do?
Edit.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can what does the tide say when it goes backwards?
I guess two-by-two.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What kind of boards did Noah use to build the Ark?
Yes, but theyre still maroon.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So I brought ya the wrong bulbs for the stop lights- people are still stopping, aren't they?
This evil's been diluted.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Does the coffee taste different to you?
Twice on Mondays!
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
What were his demands?
And, it went downhill from there.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you think that cross-country skiing is the pinnacle of winter sports?
More like Uncle Tom's Cabin Boy.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear that Tom's nephew is a top notch sailor?
That was not easy.
Edit for stupidity.
[ January 27, 2006, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: Stone_Wolf_ ]
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I'm proud of you for showing restraint when your future father-in-law was holding forth on his political opinions.
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that the Emperors last Quest for you is to go and _kill_ that huge disgusting dragon-like beast?
I love you too.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What's love got to do with it?
Up for auction: one healthy liver.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What would dissapoint you to hear after making love to that dragon?
I sould shut up right about now.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What in the heck does sould mean, and why have you been using it in every sentence for the last twenty minutes?
If it's true, then I'm leaving.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey, I'm so glad that you showed up! Did you know that only those with an IQ over 100 would be allowed to get in?
I don't even _have_ an IQ!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Hey, can I pick your brain for a minute?
Your opinion means nothing to me.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did I ever tell you that I think that picking brains is a disgusting habit?
I tried it once, but I was soon bored.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Have you ever tried sky diving on a piece of lumber?
A: If I'm lame, and you're lame. Then we're mostly lame. Mostly.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
There are only 3 of us on this deserted island. Can't we declare a majority of lame people?
The flamethrower was in sight.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How DID you lose that eye? Running with scissors? BB gun?
The proof is in the pudding.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
I set one of the proofs down on the kitchen table yesterday, where did it go?
More pudding please.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Well, you SAY that actually being in possession of a hand basket is a prerequisite for going to Hell, but how are you going to PROVE that?
Why, I've got a hand basket right here!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Well, you SAY that actually being in possession of a hand basket is a prerequisite for going to Hell, but how are you going to PROVE that?
Yeah, but then it turned green!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why won't you eat your Soylent Yellow? You love Soylent Yellow!
People. People who eat people. Are the luckiest people in the world.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What are the perks of cannibalism?
It's on a deserted island, if that helps any.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, where did my dessert go?
That's just sick.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I'm the healtiest person alive?
A double-negation might help.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you know that's a no-no?
Don't bother me; I'm sleeping.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Is that a cannibal in your bed?
I don't even exercise
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Is it just me, or are you looking more rotund lately?
I understand exactly what you mean.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
And then, like, whoa!! Ya' know?
And that proves my point.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Are you seriously saying that there are no stupid questions, only stupid people?
There is no proof!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that they are accusing you of eating the whole cake, and then the fridge too?
Proof by omision.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you know that you left an "s" out of "omision"?
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I never said that!
I think torture with small appliances is the only fair punishment.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do you think about the punishment of swallowing the other fridge too?
I usualy don't maek mistaeks.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You said that the square root of 81 was "aardvark"?
My feet are cold.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Why is there pudding in your shoes?
More Stinky Feet Pudding please!
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Want some puddin' puddin'?
Read the whole thread before posting, n00b.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can somebody explain what this thread is about? Cause I don't get it.
They have all the wrong q's in the faq's.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why is this HELP section so unhelpful?
There is no owl.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Have you seen the bird version of the Matrix, the Ornithatrix?
Hair bands will save the world.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Why do you keep 3 hair bands around your wrist?
Russia is still Communist, stupid.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Why is Vladimir Putin sharing nuclear technology with third world radical theocracy?
I think the Shiite has hit the fan.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
So what's up in Iraq?
Just read the transcript of the State of the Union address.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Why are you standing up and clapping completely randomly?
I think they misunderestimated me.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Wow, did you really arrest Cindy Sheehan AND a representatives wife?
Ok, enough with the politics.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Did you hear that Sheehan was arrested and booked but the pro-war wife was just politely asked to leave?
I hate revisionism.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Did you hear that Sheehan was arrested and booked but the pro-war wife was just politely asked to leave?
say pretty please.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Would you make a cute remark?
Never again!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Want a cookie?
Not right now, I have a headache.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's the worst thing to hear when in the mood?
Right now!
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
When's the best time to watch Shounen Ai?
I don't care, just give me a cookie and I'll be happy.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear that there's an asteroid going to hit the earth tomorrow and kill us all?
It must be a seriously good cookie.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's that cookie doing punishing all the other bad yet funny cookies?
There are some things better left untold.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Have you read the latest about Brad and Angelina?
Your slip is showing.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did Transvestite Jung say to Transvestite Freud?
Well, that was unexpected.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Whats so special about your enjoying the Great Expectations movie?
That has nothing to do with it.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Did you know your pants are on fire?
Please pass the milk.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What are you crying over?
I didn't spill it.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Who planted the leak about Valerie Plame, Mr. Rove?
Sometimes the ends justify the means.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
How did you get such gigantic average temperatures in Hiroshima and Nagasaki for 1945?
So thats the deal with airline food.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Ever hear about the missing pets at the airport?
Hitler was a vegitarian!
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
Hitler was a what?
oh. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberry wine!
That's a question?
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why must you answer questions with questions? Whatsamatter, you?
Nobody really knew Sophie.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Who should do the eulogy for our beloved poodle?
We are out of cat food.
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
The Sphinx's tummy is growling again.
Ok, here's my quarter.
Posted by sandulmelon (Member # 9150) on :
Is this all I am worth to you, ten cents?!
We'll never do THAT again.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
It's all a mater of taste.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that there are people against oral ~6~ ?
I would never spell that on a forum.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
Ni!
Go away, foolish Kniggit, or I shall taunt you again!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You are French, what are you doing here, this is England?!
Never seen it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Have you noticed all the innuendos on this thread lately?
I would never imply that on this forum.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Are you sayin' that a bunch of perverts post here?
I was afraid of that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, you're going to be on Fear Factor this season?
My greatest fear is being on Fear Factor. Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
What did she have to say after that?
She put the ticket in her pocket, that's all she wanted to do.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did your sister do when she found out she was chosen for Fear Factor?
I would say I am afraid of marshmallows and kittens.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What would you say if a pack of huge-over-sized kittens made of marshmallows attacked you?
Never fear!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Where is Underdog?
Walk quietly and carry a big stick.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What's the alternative to stomping with a twig?
How the heck did that happen?
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Young man, why is your brother stuck up to his neck in an inflatable crocodile?
The inflatable alligator was out sick.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do you mean "Indiana Jones and the cute-yellow Rubber Duck"?
Funny.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What do you call a duck with a head cold?
Duck and cover!
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
Quack?!?!
It's by chicken-little & the gang.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who wrote "What the Cluck is Up Wit' Dat"?
Lemon juice in a papercut! Why! There should be a law!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Do you think its beneath us to resort to the ultimate torture?
Those are poison love apples!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What would the dwarves have said to Snow White had they stayed home from work on that fateful day?
St. Valentine's story is pretty tragic to have a holiday celebrating it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do you mean "love" is a paradox?
I love love.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Did you know that 'love' stands for Loud Obnoxious Voyeuristic Entertainer?
Roses are so overrated.
Posted by Geekazoid99 (Member # 8254) on :
Are you getting you mistress roses for valetines day?
It had looked so fat and juicy
Posted by Pinky (Member # 9161) on :
Why did you eat that caterpillar?
I never sleep at night.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So, Dracula, why is it that you only shop at the 24-hour Quickie-Mart?
I would rather get a gift for Valentine's Day than get VD.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Would you rather get a gift for Valentine's Day or get VD?
(Sorry it's lame, but it made me giggle, so I had to post it in case it made someone else giggle too.)
I could give you that!
Posted by Pinky (Member # 9161) on :
I'll always love him... he just doesn't give me a reason to hate him.
You can't be serious.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: You really don't understand how to play this game, do you?
A: Come on, get up, and get down with the dance partner.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
*slurrs* Do you think this drink makes affects me at all?
Not a bit sweety.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
You don't think I spent too much on your Valentine's Day gift, do you darling?
I'm going to go watch the Olympics.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Wanna waste some time?
Welcome to the monkey house.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that your neighbourhood has recently become known as "The Zoo"?
No bananas, please.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Would you like your burrito with everything on it?
I caught you this delicious bass.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have plans for a special Valentine's Day?
I'll just put it in this vase.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How are you going to prepare the delicious bass I caught for you?
I say it with flour.... I mean flowers.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How do you express your love for the Gingerbread Man?
That's not a truffle.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I found some fresh truffles growing on your lawn, they are delicious, do you want a bite?
I just don't want to know what they really are.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
You know those Rocky Mountain Oysters you are so delicately scarfing are not really oysters at all?
It doesn't matter really as long as you like them.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean the Simpsons are fictitious characters?
Ready.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now it is all up to you. As soon as we being the "Ready-Aim-Fire" countdown, there is no turning back. You have one last chance to confess your sins and plead for leniency. Are you ready to do that NOW?
I wish I hadn't said that.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you really say that you wished you hadn't said that?
Leniency is not for everyone.
Posted by Pinky (Member # 9161) on :
What did you buy that flail for?
Sorry. I thought it to be hazardous waste.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why won't you at least taste these Rocky Mountain oysters?
At least it's not a wet noodle.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I think I swallowed a hair...
And those are the three things I like about you.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Stop it, you think your innuendos are helpful?
[edit: it was intended for MandyM ... ]
That's quite obvious.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you really just call me a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot?
(and that was for both Jonathan and suminonA)
I didn't mean it like that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
That "whither thou goest I goest" thing was real sweet and all, Ruth, but if you don't mind, I'm just going to close the bathroom door now, OK?
Just do it.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
To be or not to be? (Concerning suicide.)
Never fart in bed.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What where your father's dying words to you?
Thanks a lot pop!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I was at the reading of the will today and did you hear Dad left you the family poodle, Schmoopsie-poo?
Here is a scooper. Enjoy!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Wow, my first day as a carny, and I get to help with the elephants?
Umm is not an answer.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did Frankenstein lose his membership in the Debate Club?
They are my favorite kind of beans.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why do you keep spelling Trash Bins like that?
Two parts Hydrogen and one part Oxygen.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
This is a delicious drink! What's in it?
It's always darkest before the dawn.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why are you always using "before" instead of "in front of", "darkest" instead of "safer" and "the dawn" instead of "you"?
That's what too much cryptography does to you.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ugh. I've got a code id by dose!
Every evening, and twice on Sundays.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
When do you go to Church?
One hell of a "damsel"!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Did you know you could buy the Hoover?
A river used to run through it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What has happened to this thread?
You know, sometimes people just try too hard to be funny.
(referring to my students today, not anyone on Hatrack)
Posted by Pinky (Member # 9161) on :
Ender, what do you really think about the people who want to be Speaker for the Dead?
I just can't cope with all the sand around here.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What did Paul Atreides say when he got to Dune?
"There's nothing like a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that."
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Can you compare true love to an MLT?
Hello Lady.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did you say to Chuck Norris that caused him to leave you looking like that?
The Beatles.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you hire an exterminator?
Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who's a wittle fuzzy-wuzzy bunny-wunny?
A WWF Showdown!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What do you call it when the World Wildlife Fund takes on the World Wrestling Federation?
Shed a little light on the subject.
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
I painted it with fluorescent colors, what more do you want?
a cigar
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You know, President Clinton, Monica, Oval Office...?
I did not have interlocking companionship with that robot!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
C3PO, how was your date?
Don't wipe that on me!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Dude, how do you feel about boogers?
You smell of dead rat.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Can I tell you how much I love the sewers?
Really big pipes.
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
I nabbed a really big gasbag, what'd you get?
a harmonica and a skirt
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You only need two items to entertain the party?
A snare drum and a dead chicken.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I told you to stop beating a dead horse, so you went out and got WHAT??
Just like a yearbook picture.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Don't you think this party is all fake smiles and pretty cloths?
Never give up, never surrender!
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
How did the epitaph read?
Like a tombstone.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How did that pizza taste?
Thank goodness someone answered it!
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
What happened to that letter that Paul wrote?
It got stolen.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What happened to your sanity?
Mine too!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that my ability to copy other people is the greatest in the world?
No copyright.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you honestly sell your birthright to your brother for the price of a bowl of lentils?
Allways use correct spelling.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So what's the difference between two people named Always and Allways?
Its height was impressive.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you think that question was funny?
Go! Go! Go!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the Ex-Lax Cheer?
Under the shade of the magnolia tree.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Where did you say you had watched the Magnolia movie sequel, Magnolia Too?
Never sequel.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What are they calling "The Never-Ending Story 17", anyway?
That explains the post-traumatic stress syndrome, anyway.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Yes, I'm married. Why do you ask?
I love him. Really I do.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Tell me honestly how you feel about your three-year old when he asserts his independence by throwing a screaming fit in the middle of the department store?
If the shoe fits, wear it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Cinderella, do you really think those shoes are flattering on such large feet?
Everyone should get a chance to voice their opinions.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why would you schedule a mime to give the rebuttal on a radio debate?
M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How does a dyslexic spell esuomyekcim?
Simply reverse the order.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I don't get it; why does everyone keep putting the answer in front of the question?
It really does beg the question.
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
What was I thinking? Blue-suede shoes and red hoody?
go with the flow.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you just ask if I had PMS?
You must be nuts to imply that!
Posted by clod (Member # 9084) on :
Well, sometimes that just happens. It doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Any new movie quotes for me to obsess over?
And that's when the wombat said, "Pickles, I'd rather be a skullery maid."
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Dare I ask what the wombat's reply was to being shot by Dick Cheney?
I look up and all I see are flys!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Are you dead?
I am a leaf on the wind.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So if reincarnation is true, what do you think you were in another life?
You can't handle the truth!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why is Dick Button posting on Hatrack?
I was already thinking of that question, and I just pretended it went with the previous answer.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How do you, as a psychic, fool people into believing that you can tell the future.
I like pickles.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Okay, you have a six inch turkey on white with lettace, tomato, light mayo and mustard, anything else for you?
I would, but my left foot is caught in a bear trap.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Ok, be very careful. Your right foot is on a landmine. I'm going to count to 3 and then you jump away OK?
Well, you're screwed.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey, where does all that rust come from?
New page!
[ February 26, 2006, 06:11 AM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Dick Button (Member # 9197) on :
Oh! Oh! Did you SEE that??
She has a very nice back.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why do you always smile when she walks away?
Made sense to me.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
Why did you put your shoes in the fridge?
Because of the erotic seductiveness of knowledge
Posted by EarlNMeyer-Flask (Member # 1546) on :
Why are you dating a graduate student?
It's so big that it's behind you.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How long is it?
Bigger than a breadbox.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Just how long is a baguette?
For home improvement, go to Home Depot. For bus improvement, go to Bus Depot.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I have a mobile home I wanted to fix up, any advice?
Call a realtor.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'm fed up with all those phony tors out there. Any advice?
Little pink pills.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Doctor, I'm little pink obsessed with little pink everything, any little pink advice?
I could have started a "Hello #1.73" thread, but I didn't want to make a big fuss about it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Are you responsible for the "Hello 3.14159..." thread? ARE YOU?!!
Run it up the flag pole and see who salutes.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
My boyfriend left his American flag underwear over here... what should I do?
Make it jump!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Well, what am _I_ supposed to do with a "defective Mexican jumping bean"?
Take hourly until symptoms cease or patient dies.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How often can a person take last rites, anyway?
I don't find that to be funny at all.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Wanna go see Carrot Top live in concert?
I'd rather dig out my eyes with a spork.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Could you please help me come up with a name for this thing, half spoon - half fork ?
Help needed.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Hey boss, what would you say if I asked for the month of March off?
I tried it once, but didn't like it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You ever been to Advent's virtual bar and grill?
Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him. Well.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean you've _never_ heard of rich Yorick?
My fingernails were against it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How do you justify casting 218 positive votes and one negative one, just by yourself?
Not his best work.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So you really believe that all those TV preachers are really divinely inspired -- even Pat Robertson?
Sure. That's what H.A.T.R.A.C.K. stands for.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean I just hang my H.A.T. here?
Ok, H.A.T.R.A.C.K. is back on track.
[ March 01, 2006, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Will you please let me know when the Humanoid Assembled for Troubleshooting, Rational Assasination and Ceaseless Killing comes back on line?
It takes a really long time.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How long does it take for a sloth to digest its food?
Those aren't parentheses.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Are those parentheses in your pockets, or are you just happy to see me?
I saw him in the corner.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So your friend who was lost on that Antarctic expedition is in that big block of ice, there?
Imagine if he paused to edit his work...
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Wow, can you believe how many projects OSC plans to write this year?
TB or not TB, that is the question.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Did you say (cough, cough) "to be or not to be"?
Wrong, but I like that better.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Doctor, you were going to tell me that I had only a few more months to live, right?
The box was already open.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Pandora, what have you done??
Well, I suppose you could make a case for that.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
It's loud, hot, dangerous, and whenever the cat jumps on it the hard drive crashes- what do I do?
That's not how I remember it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
But I gave you the dollar for the lottery ticket, and told you to play the numbers for your anniversary and birthday, and that if the ticket came up a winner, I'd treat you to lunch, remember?
Soup spoons and tea spoons.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
But if we beat our swords into plowshares, what will we fight with?
Impossible, immoral, and fattening.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Mhmm, what about eating a horse alive?
Cats in a cradle. And a silver spoon
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What do I need for my cake?
PIZZA, PIZZA, DADDY-O!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What do I need to put in the cake?
PIZZA, PIZZA, DADDY-O!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What should we serve to all the hipsters at the party?
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
25% off!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So how much of your hair would you like me to cut today?
It doesn't matter as long as there's frosting!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you worried about the roads icing up?
Fools! Begone!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Can we have two scoops of vanilla?
Stop, you're making me hungry!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Do you want to share my Cheetos? Or are you still on that diet?
They're good but they turn your fingers orange.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
What do you think about the new Oompa Loompa restaurant?
Sorry, you're not my type.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why won't you accept my blood? You're dying for goodness sake!
A: Lost it. Lost it. Lost it. Lost It. Lost It! LOST IT! Its all gone. Flown away like a little birdey, chirp chirp. LOST IT!
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Whatever happened to your sanity?
There's always fruitcake.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What's the perfect gift for someone I don't really care for?
Excuse me, that's my purse you just picked up.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What's this raccoon doing here?
Mmmmm, I love this!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is french-kissing your ice cream sundae really necessary?
Irrational, but understandable.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you see him French-kissing his ice cream sundae?
I like nuts on mine.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Pepperoni pizza is so good!
That's my dog's name.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Pussy ate your breakfest? Dont worry, wifes always do that.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Could you, for once, NOT give me an answer?
Thank you.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What would you say if I did your taxes for you, mowed your lawn and painted your house?
That's not enough.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
What would you say if I cooked a five course meal, cleaned the kitchen, and took out the trash?
It isn't sustainable in the long run.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What would you say if you saw my toilet?
Can't, it's rated R.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Mom, can we rent Nightmare on Friday the 13th Chainsaw Massacre for my brownie troop slumber party?
Not just any limes, Key Limes.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the secret to your terrific Francis Scott Lime Pie?
If you spell it backwards, it is still BOB.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why do you insist that Bob is sending subliminal messages?
Nobody was expecting that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Spanish Inquisition?
Bing Crosby.
Posted by SiriusSky (Member # 9216) on :
Who was the one to get the girl in the end of "Holiday Inn"?
Jack Russell Terriers
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Jaqueline Rousseau Caniches?
It's just a game.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I don't get it -- is Life a bowl of cherries or a bowl of cereal?
When you see the whites of his eyes.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Now when you go hunting, Mr. Vice President, when is the best time to fire?
I made it with my own two hands.
Posted by SiriusSky (Member # 9216) on :
How'd you do that hand-stand?
Blame it on the Bossa Nova.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why isn't that red star "Bossa Centauri" on the star charts anymore?
Well seasoned, certainly.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What do those chocolate covered ants taste like?
DUCK!!!!!!
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing. What did you say was tonight's special at the five-star restaurant?
It's really not a big deal.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
So you gonna take another card, or hold?
I just wanted to use the word 'shovel'.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you tell the guidance counsellor that your career goal is to be a ditch digger?
Familiar with it! I've got my PhD in it!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Are you familiar with the science of Cheesy?
A: Flip a coin. Heads, you lose. Tails, I'll cut off my left pinky toe.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How will you decide which parts to take for your pound of flesh, Shylock?
Well, at least you have another one.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Did you just cut off my left pinky toe?
It doesn't weigh nearly enough.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So you don't like Taco Bell's new five pound burrito?
Only in your philosophy.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I'm a lover of science?
That was just a sophism.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you think of the uproar caused by the BK ice cream symbol?
It just looks like a squiggle to me.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Are you going to fill my prescription for morphine, Valium, and Percoset or not?
It's a split decision.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you decided how you are going to prepare that bananas and ice cream confection?
Just shoot it and put it out of its misery.
Posted by Julia (Member # 9244) on :
Oh George W. Poor little manling. What am i going to do with you?
I'm sorry, it's.... just that..... your tongue tastes sour.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why do you make that pucker face ever time we kiss?
I just have to say that I love reading Tante's responses.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I'm GONNA post on the "Begging the Question" thread whether you like it or not, Mandy. What do you have to say about THAT?
NO! I meant Digital Simulation!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
You mean to tell me that the hot girlfriend you have been telling me about for weeks is really just your character from the Sims?
*maniacal laughter*
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I'm looking for a response that works equally well for reanimating dead brain tissue, getting pulled over, and firing an employee. Any suggestions?
And, it has the life span of a Twinkie.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I have stepped on that roach in the laundry room nine times! Why won't it die?
Maybe I need stronger shoes.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you really think the heel of your shoe is the best tool for pounding nails?
It's a foot thing.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why would Hook be so upset about my cremating that piece of wood?
You mean "footless".
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
My history teacher today told us that many civil war veterans where footloose, so does that mean that war makes people carefree?
I wanted to travel to interesting foreign countries, meet fascinating native peoples, and kill them.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why did you go to London?
There's a knife in my arm.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Don't you see that he is just stabbing you in the back?
Whoops, I guess I missed!
Posted by Hari Seldon (Member # 9254) on :
Why is there an axe stuck in my pillow?
Its cheese.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
What is this gooey stuff under my toenails?
It's the same stuff ear wax is made from.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What is in this delicious pie?
I know this one, the Boston Tea Party!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What famous act of Rebellion against the British government did my ancestor, Ebenezer Macintosh, participate in?
Genealogy is boring.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why do you think your family tree is full of woodpecker holes?
That's my grandfather's name, too.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Are you Rumpelstiltskin?
I spun it from straw!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What is that incredibly itchy sweater fabric made of, anyway?
That's the potential.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So what kind of energy is it when you pull back on a rubber band?
Not that kind of band!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean that a rock band snapped at you, and you got out of it with just a mere black eye?
Rock Rules.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What kind of rules has your rugby team been playing with, that there were so many injuries?
I'd settle for a root beer.
Posted by libertygirl (Member # 8761) on :
Are you sure you're old enough to have a flarted blostered groot tailed horned shaker?
In the game of life, chewing gum is imperative.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Violet Borigard, do you have any advice for me?
Umpa, lumpa, dupity do.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What do an umpire, a lump, and a deputy say in there song and dance bit?
I got post 9000!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you think goes through a dog's mind as he pees on your fence?
Ew! Gross! That will leave a stain!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Zombies are bursting into your living room, will you hand me that shotgun?
That's what it's going to say on the report.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Nothing ?!?
Everything.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
42 is the answer to life, the universe, and what?
I was always under the impression prime numbers were best.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So you're happy with your 11 fingers?
More is not always better...
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who was the better James Bond, Sean Connery or Roger Moore?
Yes, but not for the reasons you're thinking.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do cyclopses get a discount on eye exams?
Four out of five.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
Q: What chance do you think I have for taking over the world tomarrow? A:Decaf please
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Smoking cigarettes, pounding red bull, how do you like your coffee?
A hat, or a broach, or a terradactyl.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What are you wearing to prom?
Just as long as you don't stick me with a pin.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Mind if I lob off your arms with a rusty, dull hatchet?
Only if you say pretty please.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Could I have a cherry on top?
No, his brother, Edward Emeryboardhands.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did that Depp character with the pruning shears do your manicure?
No, that wasn't a compliment.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
Thanks do you really think of me as the next Jonny Depp?
Hey I didn't start it.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What's up with this rumor I heard that you were dating Johnny Depp?
No Depp is hair gel.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Was Johnny in "There's something about Mary"?
I hate Ben Stiller.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why won't you watch "Meet the Fockers" with me?
He makes me nervous.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
What do you think of puff the magic dragon?
Because I'm stoned drunk.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why did you vote for Bush?
As good a reason as any.
(when stuck, go with classics)
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
So you're saying that the reason you stuck with the classics is because you were stoned drunk?
At least I got with in 10 feet!
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
Hey, did you guys see President Bush come to town, I got to see him drive by.
Sometimes, but usually not on days that end in y.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So you're running on some kind of weird alternative calender?
That's why I use industrial-strength herbicide.
Posted by Pinky (Member # 9161) on :
You know, Botox is poisonous.
I only want to improve my mimic.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You only want to improve your mimic?
You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out, you put your right hand in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn your self around.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Didn't you think the dance scenes in that musical were just a little bit hokey?
Rats! I was hoping you wouldn't say that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Well, Cat, if it is true that you belief in re-incarnation so I shouldn't worry about you pouncing on me, then wouldn't that also mean that if you DID kill me, you would pay penance in the next life by coming back as a rat, and I would be the cat who ate YOU?
Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky like a patient etherised upon a table.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Doctor, are you sure you are ready to perform this complicated brain surgery?
Ok, maybe it wasn't THAT funny.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
You do realize you've been laughing at the same joke for fifteen years, right?
Tante said I could, sooo...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who said you could hang out in cyber-bars making a fool of yourself?
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread--and Thou Beside me singing in the Wilderness.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Would you consider Wilderness a paradise?
The road goes ever on and on . . .
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
What do think is the dumbest quote ever uttered?
Two number fours, a number nine, three number fives and a large number 7.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Pssst...What did you get for the answers on the math quiz?
I'm just going to fling my winter garment of repentance right over the back of this chair.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How do you end the season of Lent?
The skittish are coming! The skittish are coming!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why so nervous?
If you don't mind, the women and I will just come and go and talk of Michelangelo.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What do you need to ask those two crackpot authors suing Random House about The DaVinci Code book at their deposition?
I sure don't want to be there when that happens!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, he is going to propose to you?
It was just a proposal.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You think that baby-eating to simultaneously solve the problems of world hunger and overpopulation is a modest plan?
Fools wear shoes in which angels wouldn't be caught dead.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, having a PhD in "Angel Knowledge and History" gives you the right to call me a fool?
You fool!
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
So, should I give my fool proof plan to end world hunger to the UN?
Very good, Dr. Jones, very good.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how's the lobotomy that I've just performed on you?
That's a no-brainer.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
What's 1 plus 1?
WWII? No, your thinking of Darth Vader.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you give me an example of a sentence in which the apostrophe is not applied correctly?
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease doth run out at the end of the month.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Tante, could you produce a post that didn't fit at all?
I have to admit that that was a bit rude.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
How can you not like Shakespeare, you idiot?
I would love it if someone said that to me.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
You're not fat just because you have a small gravitational pull, have several moons, and have 3 NASA sattelites orbitng you.
Gerkin pickles
(P.S., That apostrophe was applied correctly, according to the great and mighty Microsoft Word. That wasn't a very good response, and I found it to be quite rude, frankly. I'm assuming your talking about the one in what's)
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
Hey what's that in your ass?
A three lane highway.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Where should people who are mistakenly offended by a humorous attempt to correct a grammatical mistake play?
I think you might need to get out of puberty before you go spouting your mouth off.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Mom, is irony a bad thing?
Dont worry, I'm not offended as easily as that.
[edited to add: the "rude" part was about my own answer for Tante]
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
{ I think she was talking about the LACK of apostrophe in "your"---"WWII? No, your thinking of Darth Vader." Should be "WWII? No, you're thinking of Darth Vader" }
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
quote:Originally posted by Reticulum: WWII? No, your thinking of Darth Vader.
What? You were offended by my using WWII in my essay "Darth Vader would have won WWII"?
Let's start over.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
<suminon, it wasn't you. go back and read a few posts >
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Question for suminon: You are not insulted that I shouted from the rooftops that your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries?
I don't even know what an elderberry is.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
<MandyM, I suppose that I was caught in the cross-fire Again, dont worry, Im not easily offended (therefore I was not protesting at all). I also admit that sometimes my jokes come out kind of rudely. In my previous post (the one using the quote tag) I just wanted to show that maybe there was no apostrophe error after all Usually Im not original. Im just reiterating readily available ideas That's why you see my using the term "offended" >
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean you hate me because Im a berry and I have reached a certain age?
Elder berries are quite tasty.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Who's hotter, Halle or her mom?
You just got burned!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
oops too slow for suminon: Don't you think these young buds of May are quite tasty?
for Dr. Strangelove: What is all this about fire and brimstone?
Oooh that could be taken as a little risqu.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Alors, c'est un probleme si je ne parle pas l'anglais?
I take risks, but only when I'm 100% sure of myeself.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you dare to try to stir up a controversial debate in the "Begging the Question" thread?
A kid'll eat ivy, too.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean I'm a goat just because my child likes salad?
Don't kill the lamb.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, I can't kill the messenger... Anyone else?
Because you lack the wherewithal.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Why can't I eat those pigs?
Jesus Christ on a bicycle.
(I give my apologies to Tante for what I said. Thank you, Tinros, for pointing that out.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What Biblical stories will you be butchering today, Reticulum?
I think that page was left out of my book.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you have the phone number of Nicholas Page?
Just turn one more page.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Is this a kissing book?
I like mine with a little Tabasco.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What kind of women are you interested in?
Hot tamale!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's the strangest thing you've ever had stuck in your ear?
Speak up, Sonny!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did Cher say that made her ex-husband decide to stop singing with her?
Ha-Cha-Cha!
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
In your language how do you say "bless you"?
No, baptism was never at the top of my to-do list.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Weren't you going to attend some sacraments before drinking blood and returning to your coffin?
That explains the smoke.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you hear that the government seized 150 kilos of marijuana and that they are destroying the contraband?
I heard a fly die when I was buzzed.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What is so special about being buzzed?
And then the fly died.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did you know that there was an old lady who swallowed a fly?
Some of those nursery rhymes have a gruesome twist.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Jack and Jill went up the hill...
Jeez, even I wouldn't do that!
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Why did you post something without a question?
No, a colored pencil!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
You want me to decorate this with a curled-up stencil??
Professor Plum, in the kitchen, with the revolver.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Who made this WONDERFUL pie?!
Carrots are better.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
No offence, but do you like to undermine other people's credibility?
Sorry, sometimes even I want to smack me.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
No offence, but do you like to demean other people's solidity?
Sorry, sometimes even I want to smack me.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
(Stupid internet i thought it didn't post sorry.)
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Why do you double post the same thing? (It's alright Rahl, I just thought this would be funny)
Reticulization.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
What is your favorite word you like to use to sound smart?
Because I thought it didn't post.
-Don't make assumptions, you set yourself to be wrong.
Posted by WizardRahl (Member # 9278) on :
What is your favorite word you like to use to sound smart?
Because I thought it didn't post.
-Don't make assumptions, you set yourself to be wrong.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Why did you tear up your office, and eat your children?
That rules! Now I can buy those turtles!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Reticulum, you just won ten million dollars and a lifetime supply of turtle soup base: what are you going to do now?
Let's use high explosive.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What can I do about this stuffy nose?
Chicken Thingers.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Wait, so you didn't say hicks 'r dingers?
Safe? Of course it's safe!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you really think painting your .357 neon pink and wrapping the handle in foam rubber makes it safe?
The marquee wouldn't lie.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
The spelling looks a little funny, are you sure this guy is French nobility?
Empty chairs and empty tables ...
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
So how goes your restarant, Strangelove?
About 3 kilograms of Arsenic.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
This dessert is to die for! Would you mind sharing your secret ingredient?
Once upon a time, there were three bears. Just not the ones you think.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
(Too slow, Tante S beat me. This was in response to Reticulum.)
What would you trade me for these three yards of Old Lace?
He was at his best in Philadelphia Story.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you agree that Cream Cheese reached the top of his career when he teamed up with Baygells & Locks?
Not to mention Goldielocks.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
You can't seriously still be hungry after eating an entire cow?
Cow's are highly overrated as a source of protein.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why would anyone want to eat fried cockroaches?
That's what they use to make the glue on the back of postage stamps.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Did you really think anyone would eat this vile glop?
I think Squid Martigan likes bacon.
Posted by Blaise (Member # 9327) on :
What do you want me to serve at your bachelor party?
How dare you! And to think i trusted you...
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is 'et tu, brut' the best thing you can think to say?
I question your grounds.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
So, you're saying I don't mow my lawn often enough?
I don't think it's any of your buisness.
Posted by Blaise (Member # 9327) on :
Why are you eating my sister?
because i can
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why do you think your injury is "canner's wrist"?
Your sister's a dish.
Posted by Blaise (Member # 9327) on :
My sister's a cup
Why do you have to keep bringing that up?
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Don't you think that my pet turtle is happy that we climbed Mount Everest toghether for the 100th time?
Yeah, what you said ...
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
If I were a booger, would you pick me?
Some questions should not be asked.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you still need me, would you still feed me, when I'm 64?
They call it "dinner".
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why did you report that family to the SPCA over their poodle's name?
Unsurprisingly, my insurance won't cover that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sir, you have a major bug up your butt. We will have to operate to remove it. Do you have major medical or are you in an HMO?
The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
oops too slow... for Sterling: OK Neo, do you want to take the blue pill or the red pill?
For Tante: What do you think Moses was really thinking as he took the slaves out of Egypt?
I hope there aren't any nasty side effects.
Posted by Blaise (Member # 9327) on :
hey, is it ok if i inject you with this dirty needle, filled with poisones neurotoxins, and then cut out you spleen and feed it to my pet mongoose?
and this would get rid of my hiccups how...
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Hey, is it ok if I inject your pet mongoose with a dirty needle filled with poisonous neurotoxins and then feed you its spleen?
It's a global problem.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how fat do you think I am?
Slim, but not too slim.
Posted by Geekazoid99 (Member # 8254) on :
What size of Fatfast do you want?
Googolplex
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Have you heard what Google is calling its movie downloading venture?
I'd prefer a frog, but I guess I'll settle for a toad.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So who is your fairy godmother hooking you up with for the ball next week?
I wouldn't date him if you paid me.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
My sister...er...brother now, I guess, since the sex change, damn I can never get used to calling her a him, y'know? Anyway, he thought you were cute and asked me to ask you if you're available Friday for a movie or dinner or something?
Sit down. I have some news.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Mom, why won't you let me wait for Santa this year?
Santa is back in town.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Am I crazy or do those look like reindeer droppings?
Duct tape.
Posted by Corin224 (Member # 9337) on :
What has a light side, a dark side and binds the universe together?
Not when I'm holding the NUTS!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Is now a good time to release the killer mutant squirrels?
It's the result of a genetic experiment.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
If it wasn't gerrymandering, how do you explain these vote distributions?
Because he has no friends.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why is the "Star Wars" kid suing?
It's not that much money.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So, what do you think about the federal deficit?
In the grand scheme of things, it's really not that bad.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why aren't you treating this arrow through my thigh?
Like a beef-and-pork hot dog on a Friday in Lent.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you like your bacon-and-eggs-on-Matzah, Rabbi?
Consumer Reports says it is a "Best Buy."
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
How's Circut City's stock doing?
Down, down, down.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mr Cash, how did you go when you fell in to a burning ring of fire?
It will go down in history as one of the great matches of all time. Like when Merriam met Webster or when Funk met Wagnalls.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
What will happen when the Math Team meets the Chess Club?
but... ae can't spell beginning
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Have you ever tried to from a 9 letter word using only two vowels?
It can't be done.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you ever tried sticking your elbow in your ear?
This is the bread of our affliction.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Is the bread you made from that yeast-like substance found in your boils any good?
We must protect our precious bodily fluids.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You need ten cases of condoms?
It's all fun and games until the Angel of Death shows up.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What do you think of that gruesome murder on the boardwalk midway?
'Here' is a lot closer than where you are.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Am I spelling 'there' wrong? F-D-D-K-O-O-AE-P
I think its time for someone to go back to elementary school.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do you make of it, my dear Watson?
It doesn't come in plaid, and if it does, it shouldn't.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What do you think of her Vera Wang bridal gown?
Unforgettable, that's what you are.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What did one elephant say to the other?
It looks dead.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
You think you should fire again, Mr. Cheney?
It's legal on the local level.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Are you sure ethnic cleansing is legal?
I wish I had like, 11.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Do you think ten is loud enough?
It's the loudest amp ever.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
WHAAAAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
The cookies were great, though.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you have any regrets about getting stuck in the chimney, Mr. Claus?
Add rum, light on fire, and discard.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
How do you make an onion volcano?
Those Japanese really keep their secrets.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Who do you think REALLY makes this Chinese food?
A: My goldfish can breathe fire.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's so special about Pepperidge Farm's new Habanero crackers?
I'm your WIFE!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Why don't you divorce that lousy husband of yours, and marry me?
Sometimes I get so excited asking a question, I forget to do what comes next.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Are you forgetting something?
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
I'm calling her right now.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What are you going to call the baby?
One flu over the cuckoo's nest.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What are you calling your Avian-Flu-Disaster-Scenario thriller?
A schlameil, but not necessarily a schlamazeil.
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
I dropped my coffee on someone else's trousers... given that I do not know if that person is violent, what would I be?
Of course! What did you think penguins were for?
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Don't you think penguins look cute waddling across the snow?
I never understood what "Hasenpfeffer, incorporated" meant.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What completes this sequence: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight?
Light a match.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
How do you always manage to never wait in line at gas stations?
My legs fell asleep, so I poured cold water all over them.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, how did your keyboard get short-circuited?
I'll sell you a replacement.
Posted by Jimbo the Clown (Member # 9251) on :
Why is the government so corrupt?
IT'S MY CHAIN MESH UNDERWEAR! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Can I borrow that fancy necklace I saw on your dresser?
You can never go wrong, with a chain mesh thong!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How could you have gone so terribly, blatantly, incredibly wrong?
The scars would probably heal if you'd stop wearing that.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
You don't like this t-shirt with my cheating, lying, stuck-up, mean, stupid, ugly, and just downright evil, ex-girlfriend's face on it?
Stop the kisses, it tickles.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
?
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Are you giving me the bird?
I could topple mountains with enough momentum.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Why are you swinging your arms like that?
Methylchloroisothiazolinone. It's always in that stuff.
Posted by Jimbo the Clown (Member # 9251) on :
So, what's the secret ingredient in Coca-Cola again?
Rabbit... Rabbit... Rabbit... Squirrel!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's a game that little goslings and ducks play?
The newsprint gets on my hands.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you like being on the front page of all the papers?
You're an honorary Mouseketeer.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What do you get for sleeping with Britney Spears?
The Mouske-ears do come off.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
How are you going to do it with those Mouske-ears?
After prom...
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Carrie, when are you gonna start killing people with your mental powers?
Questions, questions, questions!!! If I wanted your inqueries I would have bodyslammed them out of you!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Cream and sugar?
King Solomon's Mimes.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
When you say some things should remain buried underground out of sight of man forever, did you have something in particular in mind?
Increase the voltage, we'll see.
Posted by Jimbo the Clown (Member # 9251) on :
Do you think the dog will make it past the fence?
Many years ago, kemosabe.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Tonto, when did you first feel racially stereotyped?
My horse's name is Trigger.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Gosh Billy, that's such an adorable My Little Pony toy, what's its name?
Force your mind to accept the reality of the situation!
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
I don't think I can handle finding out that the moon is really made of green cheese, and that the Earth is just the back of a giant turtle; how can I deal with this?
They're exactly what I thought they would be.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
How'd you like those turtle and green cheese ka-bobs?
I reject your reality and substitute my own.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I'm sorry we're having to let you go, Mr. Johnson; have you given any thought to the future?
Slap that on a DVD, we'll be rich.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
I have some coal and want to make it into diamonds but don't know how... tell me sterling!
But.. I didn't say the right things to her last night.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I thought you said you had her wrapped around your little finger, just like Scheherezade did with the King?
It's nice, but kinda itchy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you ever spent the evening cuddled up to a sheep?
Oh ho!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What is a pimp's favorite palindrome?
I just love it, love it, love it, love it!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do you and your three wives think of polygamy?
Sadly, that may be necessary.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Do I have to repeat myself again?
Sadly, that may be necessary.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Do I really need to come up with a clever question?
It's just another barrier to overcome.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Chuck Yeager, how did you manage to exceed Mach I?
20, and counting.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how many times have you lost count?
There was no guide.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why do you think your hiking trip across Death Valley in high summer failed?
You say that like it was wrong.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean that you ate the whole elephant ?!?
Just a little one.
Posted by Jimbo the Clown (Member # 9251) on :
You gave our son a bomb?!?
So glad you asked. First, I should mention that this is not for the faint-hearted. Second, women, children, and pansies should not be permitted. Finally, those who do it may find they suffer from severe side-effects, such as death, dismemberment, devastation, biblical plagues, and diarrhea.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you think that I should consider taking the BLUE pill?
Orange.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you have any words that rhyme with "door hinge?"
Just try and stop me.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you think you are spending just a leetle bit too much time on Hatrack?
22 and counting.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How many fingers do you have again?
One should be enough.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why don't the French eat two eggs for breakfast?
It is a very clever pun. Trust me.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Should I say "no pun in...tended"?
Emphasis added by the author.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Did I miss where the article you sited claimed I should be "[flayed] alive... and... Dipped in [salt]"?
I asked you first!
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
I don't know; am I carrying any explosives?
I think you'll find out soon enough.
Posted by Sabrina (Member # 9413) on :
Why on earth are you carrying that hatchet?
That's what happens when you feed gorillas chocolate.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why is Willy Wonka in a full body cast?
A: Off with your head! No, your knee...you're free to go...
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
What would you say if I kissed your daughter? How about if I just gave her a hug? If I married her first?
If I told you once, I told you a thousand times: Clowns!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Wait, if You're the army of the undead...who are they?
A: When I transform, I turn into an unicycle...
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I heard they were coming out with more family friendly Transformers Optimus Lame, but what's your deal?
A squared plus B squared gives the length of the hippopotamus.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the measure of a pachyderm?
The secret is the sauce.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Wow, how do you get your pachyderms to taste so good?
No, a bomb.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
They evacuated the bus depot because of a bum threat?
Anything you can do, I can do better.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I'm the best at making promises that I won't keep?
It's in the ADN chain.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why does everyone in this branch of the family have eyebrows that knit together in the middle?
More garlic.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you suggest anything that will improve this body odor situation?
Well, that's a juicy mouthful.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How can you eat THAT part of a bull?!?
He was a torero in a previous life.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
What's M. Night Shaymalan's latest excuse about why "The Village" was so bad?
I've got four chips in this hand, and you smell like a rusty alligator.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey you, yeah, the one with four chips in that hand, I'm Rusty, the smelly Alligator. What's the understatement of the day?
It was a Kodak moment.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mr. Rumsfeld, what was your biggest problem with the torture of prisoners at Abu Gharib prison?
That's it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean I'll never be able to understand anything?
The yellow paperclip made me do it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What were you thinking, dude, taking LSD and then doing a striptease for your grandmother on Mother's Day?
Not so much fat, as well-upholstered.
(edited for typo)
[ May 15, 2006, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: Tante Shvester ]
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Since when do you like your coffee with cream, sugar and fat ?!?
Java beans are running on my server ...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did you manage to get your computer to run so much faster?
Pick a Card, any Card.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why isn't Dan Brown a valid choice?
I can't read this, the code is broken.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why doesn't reading "Fox in Socks" to your children seem to be distracting you from your job at the NSA, dear?
He's an albino wannabe.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What's with all the flour?
A: T-U-R-T-L-E Power!
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's more lame than "Wondertwin Powers - Activate"?
You're my super friend.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did the big dumb purple dinosaur say to the guy in the blue tights and red cape?
Sciatica! Sciatica!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What was your real name again?
It was a drop of SuperGlue.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I would never have imagined that anything could have held that marriage together for so many years, would you?
Now you're splitting hairs.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Master Frankenstein, I've split the nose, the fingers, the toes and all the nails. What am I to do now?
Patience, a lot of patience.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What's the single most important quality for working in IT?
It's the network, I tell you! The network!
Posted by Grim (Member # 9165) on :
How come theres nothing but crap on tv?
So he was a thief?
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that Neil Armstrong took quite a bunch of lunar rocks and brought them back to Earth?
They still arent sure about that.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what does an assurance consultancy group do, anyway?
I wouldn't recommend being *quite* that flexible.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Did you see me bend my back into a triangle today in yoga?
He did it once, and he can do it again.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean he got re-elected?!?
At least I gave my vote.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Say, is this your ballot card I found in a Florida trash dump?
Consider this rotten tomato my response.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So how did you like The Da Vinci Code?
It's over the hedge and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
Tomorrow.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
What's the one place that always comes, but can never happen, because once it does, it's actually today?
It's because he wouldn't stop thinking about me!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why did that guy just spontaneously combust?
Forget it and go home.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I just left home because I want to become independent, to learn about the Universe, to earn my own living, to be happy, to be fulfilled. Do you have any advice for me?
Red, with some green stripes.
Posted by _L (Member # 9448) on :
How would you like that cooked?
One fish, two fish.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I've lost count so many times... Can you help me here?
Oh, so that's how you use your fingers.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
What do you mean your fingers aren't encrusted with the blood of your enemies?
....and then I found five dollars.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Your wife left you, your house burned down, you lost your job, you were wrongly imprisoned for ten years... What happened then?
It administers an appropriate electric shock.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Wow, is that one of those new fully computerized customer service kiosks? What does this button do?
Where the sun don't shine.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the secret location of the BatCave?
Check the yellow pages.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What is the meaning of life?
It has a metallic aftertaste.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Have you ever tried boiling lava?
I thought it was mostly stone.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Don't you even care that you're breaking my tender heart?
That's the blind leading the blind.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have the number for the vet? I think my guide dog has cataracts.
Right! No! LEFT!!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
C'mon dear, this is the last chance to take the highway exit, and I can't turn back. Which way do I have to go?
At least you take the responsibility.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
My knife seems to be stuck in your back; can you hold still for a sec?
That puts a new spin on "painfully obvious."
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
I don't know about you Moishe, but I'm beginning to think these German's don't have entirely positive motives.
I think you might have gone a little too far.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Can you hear me now?
You'll go far with that attitude, my child.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you know that I've just decided never to buy a car that consumes more than a gallon of gasoline for every 100 miles?
That could cost a lot.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What do you think of my goals to eliminate hunger and achieve world peace?
Go West, young man.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Gee, Mae West and Eva Gabor have both agreed to go on dates with me... Who should I pick?
Minced, not chopped.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean that I have to get all these potatoes chopped for the "tortilla de patatas" ?!
The "secret" ingredient is onion.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
These cookies are so delcious! What is your secret?!?!
I bought them at Bloomingdales!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Where did you get your bloomers?
His poetry is so heavy they should call him Ezra Pound and a Half.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do you mean Ezra Feather's poetry is not "uplifting"?
They call it "regaliz".
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt name their baby?
When in doubt, shred it.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
I'm not sure if this steak was left out of the fridge too long. What do you think I should do with it?
10 small rubber balls.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So I understand she's having her implants taken out. What's she replacing them with?
Taylor Hicks' tics.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What are they calling those "soul" Tic-Tacs?
Clearly, the work of the Apple Corps.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Have you seen the new genetically engineered fruit designed to have no seeds?
You can't proove I did it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you just make a spelling mistake?
Proof is everywhere.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
You're sure there weren't any WMDs?
In my place, I'm sure you'd do the same.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Oh, <insert deity name here>, why won't you answer my prayers/questions?
Because I'm an atheist.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
How come you support that new law that sets punishment for prayer a lion's den?
I'll have that rare.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I wouldn't antagonize him if I were you.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Don't you agree the Olympic judo gold medalist is funny-looking?
I'm just saying, I wouldn't put that on a bumper sticker.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
That guy behind me doesn't know a thing about driving!
It was a quiet ambulance.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Was that a hearse that just went by?
I love green olives.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
And what is your given reason for self-committal?
"Spirit gum", not "spear gun".
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does Lloyd Bridges chew?
I was running low on air.
<note: you get this joke, you're REALLY old>
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why did you tell such an old joke, Bob?
It stalled the thread.
Edit to add: and I guess I am too young to get it.
Posted by Pinky (Member # 9161) on :
Can you give me ONE reason why you still think it was okay to tell such an old joke?
Pensioners might like it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What makes you think selling the board of directors to the organ black market is good financial planning?
This means I'm really old, apparently.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So you've met Noah in person, why all the fuss?
Just smile and go on.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
What should I do? The dog died, my wife left, girlfriend dumped me, and the truck broke down.
It's a clogged filter.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why is the pool water yellow?
That is NOT the bathroom!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why is your dog in the living room?
Good llama!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how was that new Peruvian restaurant?
It's Amazon!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is the longest river in South America?
Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Ok, so you're the IPU's army, but where are your weapons?
Pink is TEH colour!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did your dyslexic British stylist say the big trend is this season?
Water! I need water!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why'd you move to the beach?
He said it with his last breath.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What was the Ebay founder's last word?
Ghost in a Jar.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Jar-Jar Binks possessed by evil spirits? Cool. What are they calling the movie?
Not in a house! Not with a mouse! Not in a boat! Not with a goat!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Where do you want to meet?
Only if you're happy and you know it!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Did you get the clap from me?
If you give a mouse a cookie, he is going to want a glass of milk.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How can I get rid of the rest of this milk before it sours?
That's Elmer's Glue.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What ever became of my old colt, Elmer? And what's this stuff in the bottle?
I think I'd better shut up now.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Speak up to volunteer to date Rosanne Barr?
The silence was deafening.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did a mime just light the fuse on that cannon?
This guy just keeps hanging on to the door and staring at me.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did a mime just light the fuse on that cannon?
This guy just keeps hanging on to the door and staring at me.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why are you in the closet?
Dude!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why are you in the closet?
Dude!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did that animated turtle just say?
What ever he said, he said it slowly.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did you enjoy the live reading of "Molasses in Winter"?
Chain 66, Single crochet in each chain, starting from the second chain. Chain one and turn, repeat for four more rows, then looping the yarn from two single crochets into one double crochet, go ABSOLUTELY HOG WILD!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So what are we doing at happy hour this week? (the happy hour place my co-workers go to is called Hog Wild)
We are all out of water.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it true that human beings are two-thirds water?
This may sting for a second, but only until the burning sets in.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What was it that you whispered to Joan of Arc as you were binding her to that stake?
It was like floating on a cloud.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how was your floating on that cloud?
That's not what you said before.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Should I be five?
Bingo!
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What did you play for your happy hour?
New Page!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Young Nathan has just been premoted to squire, m'lord; is there anything you'll be needing?
Cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, strychnine- whoops.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What am I adding to the King of England's stew?
Down! Bad cat! Bad, bad, cat!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What, didn't you want a talking cat?
That is too much!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you still need me when I'm 64?
Well, it sure ain't Minnesota.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Do you think we're in Oz, Tante?
Ooo! I want that one!
Posted by BunnV (Member # 6816) on :
Can you see the slimy, hairy, green bump emerging from my upper back?
I think "desperate" is an understatement.
[ June 21, 2006, 02:16 AM: Message edited by: BunnV ]
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Wasn't he desperate to claim he was paid to blow his money?
Happy dance time!
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
What could you possibly find positive about the floor being covered in acid?
Well I guess "break a leg" can be taken literally sometimes.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You financed your high school production of "Bye Bye Birdie" through a loan shark?
It's not "Holy Mackerel", it's "Swear to Cod".
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So has the Lenten Friday dinner special changed this week, Father MacReddy?
I'm on pins and needles.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you exciting about your summer internship at the tailor shop?
Mash 'em, boil 'em, stick 'em in a stew.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what's your solution to the hobbit problem, Dark Lord?
You should live so long!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you think it is fair that the judge ruled over 300 years of prision for me?
The Earth stood still.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, Galileo, what was it like when you kissed that girl?
That question never fails to make me laugh.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Could you be serious, just for once?
That must have been a big deal for him.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Four aces! What are the chances?
Oh my goodness gracious! Not THAT again!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Have you heard about Pete and Repeat....?
I think it was a mink that made that stink.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why does your coat smell?
Oh, I thought I heard a woodpecker!
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Are you just going to sit by and let those kids egg your house like that?
So stop me if you've heard this one before.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did you say to him before he shot you?
But I don't believe in fairies.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
You believe in ESP, UFOs, elves, magic, and pro wrestling -- so why should we let you join the Skeptics' Club?
Wow, that took a long time.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Did you watch my track meet?
Chester Cheetah chewed a chunk of cheap cheddar cheese!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who cut the cheese?
It wasn't a protest. Quite the opposite -- it was a contest.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Did you fire a gun at the policemen's ball out of protest?
Somebody stole my fire.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Hey Zeus, why are you looking suspiciously at Prometheus?
They'll be here any minute now.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Muskets? Check! Gun Powder? Check! Lead Musket Balls? Check! Swift Horses? Check!
Now where in the world are the Minute Men?
His head is on a Pez dispenser.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
And what leads you to think an agent of Pezco decapitated the gentleman, Holmes?
As sure as apples are yellow.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you sure that you're not color blind?
Rice Cakes, the love child of Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Could you give me an example of fusion cooking?
That's the day when I lost the will to live.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Hey, Lance Bass came out of the closet yesterday.
Maybe if you take the 'n' and swap it with a 'k'.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you think people will want to buy a breakfast cereal called "Nix"?
Lewd I did live, evil did I dwell.
Posted by Edgehopper (Member # 1716) on :
Why are you on fire surrounded by 10,000 lawyers?
My mouse is acting up again.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Why would you trap that sweet mouse in a shoebox?
Icecream is better vanilla.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
Why did you add Ben & Jerry's to the cake mix?
I neither approve it nor condone it, but I'll defend your right to do it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Ronald, do you think eating eight Big Macs in four minutes is a good idea?
Run it up the flag, see what hits the fan.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How do you like my nationalistic banner?
Teenage angst had paid off well, now I'm bored and old.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's new Maddonna.
I'm no longer in "Vogue"
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, why are you trying to get a job modeling for "GQ"?
Somewhere in between the pages.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Did you see where my squire has gotten himself to?
I'd recommend a fully loaded magazine.
Posted by kaminari (Member # 9622) on :
What did the guy, that you bought the viagra from, say?
I eat.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What happens after you smear peanut butter on your broccoli?
It makes my skin break out.
Posted by kaminari (Member # 9622) on :
Mr. President why are you so intent on invading Iraq?
You're terrible! When I was your age we didn't even have feet! And we were GRATEFUL!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mrs. Centipede to Mr. Centipede: "Can you spot me some cash? I've got to get new school shoes for the kids."
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of that organization.
Posted by kaminari (Member # 9622) on :
So God, tell us what it's like being Christian.
To say that, would be a mockery.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why won't you just acknowledge the fact that I'm the most beautiful person on this planet?
Pray, continue your interesting narrative.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
... blah blah blah do you follow blah blah?
It was a reversed pentacle.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Did you see that oddly shaped octagon?
You have six seconds of consciousness left, use them wisely.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Should I continue posting on the Hatrack forum?
I don't think I would use them in that manner.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you ever considered that your eyeballs would make really nice marbles?
I'm disconnected, but I don't need pity.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What happened? Did you computer break? And now you can't post on Hatrack?
Who'da thunk it!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you believe the whole system was fixed by a random stranger giving it a good hard "thunk" on the side?
Without pity, remorse, or onion rings.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How would you treat me if you met me IRL?
Onions have layers.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would make you prefer onions over carrots?
I've seen too much of not enough.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Man, I thought you were really thirsty, how can you say this empty bottle is "too much" for you?
It's half full.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would you say about the contents of this glass after I've thrown 50% of it into your face?
We threw gasoline on the fire and now we have stumps for arms.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
This looks more like footwriting to me. How can you all justify it?
Definitely Origami.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
When one plays poker Japanese style, what is the correct term to use in stead of 'folding'?
I've got the No Sleep Blues.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Are you sure you want to come to my Dancing Slumber Party?
There is the "no pyjamas" factor ...
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Before I sign up for this party; are there any restrictions regarding conduct or clothing?
I've got blisters on my fingers!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You just have to push ONE button, how can it be that hard?
No excuses this time.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
But what if I'm really afraid of what'll happen?
I'm looking for a reason.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why the heck are you doing standing here, stark-naked, in the middle of the night?
Follow the light!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So what do I do after I've entered the Tunnel of Love?
Staring at the sun.
Posted by b boy (Member # 9587) on :
What did you think he meant when he said "Follow the light"?
That wasn't brilliant.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Don't you know that true brilliance is only momentarily recognizable?
I wish I didn't think so much.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I have brought you to the highest office in the world and covered your military record from the sight of your enemies; what is your third wish?
This is going to start feeling good any moment now.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Don't you feel creepy when people around you are excessively optimist?
So, now you think I am a "he"...
[edited to remove double question]
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So what would you like for dinner Mr. President?
Just don't get any on me.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Care for some venican? Any Doe for Ray?
Fa So La Te Do.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I really can't understand you. Would you please stop answering me in musical notes?
The tube was empty.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Hey, who ate the last of the frozen banana guacamole?
I've always wanted to say that to a high church official.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What does your excellence mean by "I'm the Pope, but my rank alone doesnt make me right?
Teaching by example.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What are you doing flirting with that waitress, whilst you're out with your wife and son?
My hair is on fire!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Ok, we're in the middle of the desert, and we've just run out of water. Can this get any worse?
Here's the red cape.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Mommy, f I'm to take these cookies to grandma, don't you think I should be properly dressed?
I dig holes!
Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
Is that really the only thing you can say?
329 years ago, to be exact.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
When did you wake up?
Fortunately I keep my feathers numbered for just such an occasion.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Sorry to informe you sir, even if we don't endorse bird-human mutants discriminations, we do have a policy of charging for every individual feather that we are cleaning. Do you still require our services?
He's never said that.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would you say if I said to you that he said to me you never say anything useful?
I b-b-believe I wet myself.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Superman, you're not scared, are you?
Hyperman should be stronger.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
Oh, the dog ate your homework did he? Next I suppose you'll be telling me that your pants are around your ankles because you asked Hyperman to hold them up for you?
Not a box of rasins, ALL the rasins!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
We are honoured, sir, that youve chosen our specialised mall to shop for dry fruits. Where would you like your box of rasins to be delivered to?
Just one, please.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How many lashes would you think an appropriate punishment for your transgression?
Aloof, like a sultan.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Is that a loofa, like a sponge?
My friends call me Bob.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Dan, now that we are best friends, can you tell me one big secret of yours?
Glue. Super Glue.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What are you eating?
He's invisible.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I thought you said you were bringing your friend. Where is Harvey?
I do!
Posted by Gwen (Member # 9551) on :
Do you, or don't you, not dislike uncommonly negative questions which cannot fail to be answered by a two-word answer?
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously, I tell you!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Are you sure that the tasteless salty shapes are fighting back?
That is an unbreakable code.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you explain why people keep tying yellow ribbons around their old oak trees?
It is like the sequel to "1984".
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Have you heard about the novel "2060"?
I don't see the logical connection.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do I plug my laptop into my tv?
Uncle Tom's Cabernet.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What's this we're drinking? It's light and woodsy with just a hint of subjugation.
Uncle Tom's Caberet. (this is how I read it at first)
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Name one good black-face musical?
That one was not good!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
River, why did you rip that whole chapter off my Bible? [do you get the reference? ]
Nothing is perfect.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Don't you agree that suminonA is a perfect fool? (just kidding -- honest!)
I love the night life.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why are you letting the mosqutios (sp?) bite you?
Now you tell me!
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Oh, by the way doctor, I'm deathly allergic to penicillin so can you make sure you use something else?
You might want to call IT.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
My girlfriend always says that I treat her like an object instead of a person. What should I do to make her stop feeling that way?
Because it ran away before time was over.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do I always land up with the first post on the new page?
It runs hot and cold.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Which facts can you tell me about water?
It's getting to the point where I'm no fun anymore.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how's the repeating of the same joke over and over going?
Perfection is the ultimate fault.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why is Mary Poppins being led to the electric chair?
Yeah, we're going to have to watch that one.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
What's with the blue monkey in the corner?
Two elephants, a garden hose, and a basket of figs.
Posted by SoaPiNuReYe (Member # 9144) on :
So what did you get from Wal-Mart??
I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Dude, did you just make an excuse?
Don't push it.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Why can't I open the door?
Yoda said so.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What does "Yoda so, said" mean?
This topic off is.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
So, are we done talking like Yoda yet?
People do that.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
Are these guys talking like Yoda?
Break time!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Class, today we are going to effectively dismantle the space-time continuum. We can proceed by destroying the space dimensions or break away the time line. What do you want to see first?
It will come back, eventually.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
If I just deny my problem, will it go away?
And now that I do know it, I will do my best to forget it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Let's see... Many years ago, you stated a theory that existence only has meaning as long as we are able to look for its meaning. Now, you say that you've discovered its true meaning. What's next?
That makes sense, but not in this World.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Should I invest in a company that's offering travel in the eighth, ninth, and tenth dimensions?
I'm just telling you what it says on the label...
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So you seriously think it is a bad idea for me to take my blow dryer in the shower?
That would hurt. A bit.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I really hate my retainer, would a snaffle bit be a good replacement?
I love it when a plan comes together.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did you hear about the imminent Armageddon?
That was not the real plan.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I must say, saving the world from that meteorite by staring at it was really impressive. How long did you have to think about that solution?
Away, away, I tell you. Bones are not amusing.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
A skeleton, Dr. McCoy, and an orthopedist walk into a bar- wait, have you heard this one?
I'm not prepared to divulge that information.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey, are you or arent you the one that is extremely wary about releasing information?
It's all explained in the last book I wrote.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Your first and only release has left me with some questions. Would you care to throw some light on the issues you raised?
My baby's in love with Eddie Vedder.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's the most irrelevant fact that makes you overreact?
It took about 3 more seconds than expected.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How long did it take you to forget all about me?
That cough came with a prize.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I just told you how disappointed Ann Coulter is going to be that we can't keep having lunchtime chats now that I'm diagnosed with tuberculosis, doc- why are you smiling about that?
Club soda isn't going to do it.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I knew I shouldn't have worn my sexy boots on Fear Factor, do you know how to get pig bile out of suede?
Stewardess, I'd like a hydrazine and ammonium nitrate cocktail please. It's known as a "Here I come Allah."
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's the dumbest thing you could utter while on a flight to London?
It was a one-way trip.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What tipped off the feds that a terrorist was on that flight to Slagsville, Penn.?
That's why I cancelled my subscription.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Don't you just LOVE all those little cards that fall out of your magazines while you're reading them?
I can't believe I ate that.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Would you still be able to view yourself as a vegetarian if you knew how many spiders and flies you have consumed in your life?
I've got terminal uniqueness...
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Just what makes you so special, and is it worth dying over?
Well, that's classic.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you think that the impulse to compare classic stuff and modern stuff is something new?
Who could name such a thing?
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
"Look," said the elderly scientist as he entered the gentleman's club, his arms laden with some contraption that nobody had ever seen before. He'd been running and was slightly out of breath, but immediately started rambling about this latest invention of his, including all the trials and tribulations that had kept him busy over the last three decades. The other members seemed to listen him without the slightest amount of attention, until one of them spoke up. "From your story I gather that this device will be able to make people see the truth, which is undeniably a most wonderful function, but will the public be interested?" "yea, verily," came a voice"from the back of the room, "You're going to have a hard time convincing people that it has any use to them at all. Have you thought about advertising yet?" "All it really needs is a good name, then the people will eventually come by out of sheer curiosity" the scientist answered gruffly, feeling a bit out of his element, "Any suggestions?"
Cause I'm just a traveller in time, trying so hard to pay for my crime.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why are you so obsessed with building that contraption, that nobody could name anyway?
That must have been a weird crime.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you know what the judge said, after I told him I'd like to prosecute myself?
I've tried for so long to find some way of helping mankind.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why have you been prosecuted by that alien judge anyway?
Maybe the aliens are friendly.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
When last I encountered an alien race that had another planet surrounded by a huge fleet of intergalactic destroyers, weapons systems charged, they weren't there to spread wisdom. What makes you think it'll be different this time?
When I was an alien, cultures weren't failing.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How can you prove that the failing of our culture is not YOUR fault?
That must be alien logic.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How can I be responsible for the downfall of an entire culture, when I haven't done anything productive for nearly three years?
Dearest helpless, intent's not as bad as the action.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Dear Abby, I wasn't trying to hit my husband with the car as I backed out of the driveway this morning and I even took him to the emergency room. As the doctors were x-raying his broken leg, he told me he wanted a divorce since I was obviously trying to kill him. I tried to tell him I just need new glasses but he wasn't buying it. What do you think? Signed, Helpless in
I think the brakes might have failed.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I just saw a San Francisco trolley car going downhill at an incredible speed. Could there possibly be something wrong with that?
Across the night, I fell in love with people sleeping.
Posted by AutumnWind (Member # 9124) on :
Hey nice binoculars! Why are the cops leading you away in handcuffs?
It was at that precise moment that I knew why I existed.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What did you think when you heard that there was going to be a sequel to The Mask?
It's only self-rejection, with a mean left.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Now explain this to me again, why it is you have that black eye?
You are such a thread killer.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
All I said was that Israel and Orson Scott Card should be pushed into the sea, is that so wrong?
I'm terrified someone is going to take me seriously.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Why do you insist on wearing clown makeup 24/7?
No, I think the passion was alright, but it just could have used more snakes.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did you think of Mel Gibson's controversial movie?
Detention sucks.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What is the one thing teachers and students agree on?
I'm so sorry... It was never my intention to kill anything.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Come on man, you had a loaded shotgun! I had to fight and strangle the whole pack of tigers with my bare hands! Why didn't you do anything about it?
It was self-defence.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
The charges are as follows: the defendant is being accused of knocking some sense into people. How do you plead?
You don't have to plead for anything that you really need.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I really need to know, indeed: Can you speak in rhymes, as we agreed?
Define impossible.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you think it's impossible for humankind to evolve into an enlightened species that no longer tries to exterminate itself?
You've got a depression on you. You've just been thinking; that's what you do.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I feel blue, quite, as the sky. Why is this so? Please, tell me why?
I would not refuse A challenge to state things so Silly, it may be.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Yes, but can you Haiku that argument, counselor?
Dr. Suess would be proud.
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
So you really ate the 8 month old breakfast we found in the fridge?
Well, I suppose it's all in the wrists.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How did you come to be so good at playing whist?
You're pretty when I'm drunk.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So what's your excuse to come home drunk every single night?
[edit: word order]
It's called "vitamin W".
[ August 25, 2006, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: suminonA ]
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why have you peeled the label of the bottle of Worchester sauce? How will I ever find it now?
I thought I saw a pussycat.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Duffy: Don't worry Bugs, I deal with cartoon characters double personality disorder on a daily basis. So ... what's up Doc?
The office is closed today.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What does the sign on your head say?
I can't think of anything funny today. Sorry.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you remember Jay Leno's opening line on the day that Bush got re-elected?
All I have right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels.
Posted by crystal-city (Member # 9687) on :
I thought you had the stuff??!
Don't picture it!!!
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
The Crystal City!
This is why I hate mondays!!!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you noticed that nobody's been able to think up a really funny question to your answer?
I left home four hours ago and I can still see my house from here.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Sir, you have just climbed this mountain nonstop, why?
I'd get the cow.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Youre walking along a quiet little country road, just minding your own business and merrily humming the tune of your favourite television series, when all of a sudden your attention is drawn by a queer voice coming from the shrubbery by the side of the road. You ask for the person to step forth and identify themselves, while you quickly check whether youve brought along enough ammo for your slingshot. Out of the foliage comes this funny little man, who immediately starts ranting on about how nice the weather is, the recent results of the Yankees and such. You rudely interrupt him by aiming your slingshot at his face and gruffly inquire if he has anything to say that you might actually want to hear. An impish smile creeps across the strangers face and he makes you an offer. "In one of my hands I hold a rope with a good milk cow on the far end and in the other a small assortment of magical beans. You can have either one or the other. Which one will it be?"
Dont have a cow, man!
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
What did Bart Simpson say on his trip to India that got him arrested and stoned?
Aye Carumba!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What was Bart Simpson's reaction when his mother told him he had to take latin dance classes?
Nobody reads these anymore.
Posted by crystal-city (Member # 9687) on :
Do you have a copy of Moby Dick, David Copperfield, and Madame Bovery?
I like cheese
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why is Napoleon Dynamite your favorite movie?
I think this thread is the funniest thing. I wish more people would join in again.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is your crocheted scarf laced with human body parts?
Well, that's a stretch, but yes.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
On the horse tracks, in a photo-finish situation, could a horse be declared the winner if the foam from his mouth crossed the line before the other horse, while still having a continuous connection to the horse's mouth?
Well... you can drink from it and it will never spill.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is it that dogs love lapping water from the toilet?
First we'll go to Parma for the Parmesan, then on to Monterrey for the Jack, and then finally to Switzerland, you know, for the cuckoo clocks.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How do you think we'd best go about completing this global scavenger hunt?
It's a serenade to a cuckoo.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you honking the horn so much?
I'm converting wax into artificial sunlight.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What is the purpose of this so-called "candle" you've invented?
It's a common ingredient in all sorts of things.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Ack! Did you put actual EAR wax in that new-fangled candle thing of yours?
Ouch! That burns!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Would you like some Indian rope?
Doctor! My eyes!
Posted by GiantReturns (Member # 9349) on :
But nurse i want to go to lunch do I have to help the little girl with the acid in her eyes first?
And then she threw her boobs in my hands it was very strange your honor
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can you explain how you came to trying to fence a gross of stolen breast prostheses?
I got busted with some hot lingerie.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you standing in the freezer wearing handcuffs?
That was a really bad joke.
Posted by happymann (Member # 9559) on :
How many trumpet players does it take to crack a lightbulb?
Hey, what else is there to do at 2:40.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean you really want to go to sleep now?
It was the dog.
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
Where'd you get the idea to lick THAT?!
You see, sir, the party started as a chess tournement.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are all these nerds and geeks wearing wet t-shirts?
Mine is printed upside down!
Posted by GiantReturns (Member # 9349) on :
Did everyones name badge print up ok?
If anyones going to be sleeping with my sister its going to be me!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are the rooms at the Abbey set up like a dormitory? And are they singles, or so they make you share a room?
One if by land and two if by sea.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
So, how many times will you be going to Florida this year?
I TOLD you that would happen!
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Brown, Stern, and Associates? Good. You see, my car popped out of gear while me and my honey were making out, and it rolled *uphill* and hit a tree, and the tree fell on it. Then when the paramedics came with the "jaws of life," the tree shifted and crushed the ambulance. It's on my property, so the city is suing me, and she's suing me too for emotional distress, and I still can't get out of my car -- I'm calling from my cell. Will you take the case?
Acid and holy water.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
This lemonade is just heavenly. What's your secret?
Hi, I'm Tante, and I'm a Hatrack-holic.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you have any confessions or bad habits you wish to share with the group?
All she did to please me was to say: "A problem's smaller when it's shared."
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did your friend say when you had to tell her that you had contracted syphilis?
I've been poked by a poke weed.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you ever rolled with a tumbling weed?
Until I met a blind man, who taught me how to see.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I'm guessing this accident came from you not wearing your glasses. Your driving record has been flawless until now?...
You're in a pickle.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Everything around me is all green and squishy. There's also a rather penetrating smell. Could anybody please enlighten me as to where I am?
As your attorney I'd advise to you to drive at top speed. It'll be a *goshdarned* miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What should I do if my check to the Witches and Faeries Charity fundraiser bounced?
Try not to make it so hard next time.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Hey! How did you like that peanut brittle I made?
That might be a little too easy.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Knocking over Fort Knox is might be a little out of your league. It takes planning. Why don't you try stealing candy from a baby?
I'm all wet.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What was she trying to say with that "It's raining men" song?
One tear drop, please.
Posted by DaisyMae (Member # 9722) on :
Hey, thanks for the feather cleaning and wing massage. Those ressurections can really take it outta ya, ya know? So, what do I owe you?
I'm not very good at this, but I still like to play.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What did Georgie Porgie say to the little girl just before he kissed her?
An apple a day, they tell me.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
My neighbor just told me that he's selling his house to a huge medical group that will be tearing down his lovely ivy-strewn Victorian and replacing it with a nasty clinic whose parking lot will be abutting my rose garden. Is there any way I can prevent this from happening?
They usually occur in threes.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
In literature, what do beds, chairs, bears, little pigs and bowls of porridge have in common?
They usually occur in trees.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you know where I could find the ingredients to a birds-nest soup?
Fishing, but not for compliments.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
For what matter of reason are you equipped with such a big rod?
It's not impossible, but it'd be easier if you'd just use your hands.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Man, I've been trying to peal this impossible orange for several hours now... Can you help me, please?
Orange is the colour of truth.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Could someone please explain to me what may be the reason behind all these people screaming and chanting, whilst dressed in outfits of such a distinctive colour?
The deepest blues are black.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
So what do you think of Jim Belushi and Dan Aykroyd's musical talent in The Blues Brothers?
I wish you wouldn't!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Since you have let me out of the bottle, may I grant you 3 wishes?
Here are two more, if you'd like them.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you remember that unique - therefore priceless - work of art that you've convinced me into buying a while ago?
That was quick.
Posted by Itsmechrisa (Member # 9765) on :
This is so fun playing in this... what did you call it? "Sick" Sand?
Posted by Itsmechrisa (Member # 9765) on :
*forgot to put statement above...*
Well, it looked better from the front.
Posted by DaisyMae (Member # 9722) on :
Woah, you actually bought that thong bikini?
It's the bees knees.
Posted by Itsmechrisa (Member # 9765) on :
Hi A! Wassup C! So, A, why does your friend there next to you have all those lumps?
Well, I'd sure hope not!
Posted by SoaPiNuReYe (Member # 9144) on :
Do you know if our English Teacher is married???
Yeah I bought those last week.
Posted by happymann (Member # 9559) on :
Are those crutches new?
I only had ten.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's the best thing about breaking all your toes?
You know, like those frogs with the sticky fingers.
Posted by happymann (Member # 9559) on :
Can you explain how he caught that?
Kill the Joneses.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
A thousand humble pardons my dark overlord, but my henchmen forgot the first name of our next intended victim. Was it something along the lines of Indiana, or January.... or perhaps Quincy?
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What was that chatch-phrase that all writers deluded themselves with?
We're out of the woods now.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Just how many of your golf clubs did you throw in that lake?
It has too many leaves.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Now, for the last time, young mister Kilkenny. This question will decide whether you'll be able to call yourself a real, official Irishman. What's wrong with this four leaf clover?
Never rob a bank on your wedding day.
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
What's wrong with a little honeymoon fun?
Sweet Baby Gherkins!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hi, I'm Gherkins and this is my newly born daughter. Why are you drooling like that?
No, only this one.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you be willing to answer a series of questions?
Time wounds all heels.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is plantar fasciitis so common among the elderly?
Then don't make 'em like they used to -- and I'm SO glad!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
We all do mistakes, I don't blame you. I know you're sorry, but can't you find the sentence in my last book where "They" is misspelled as "Then"?
The other one was better.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What was going through your mind whilst you were chewing off your left leg to escape from that bear trap?
And you're walking. And you're walking along...
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What other arguments do you have about you actually healing my inability to stand on my own to feet, and that I will even believe and follow you, other than your deitys word?
This seems a bit too complicated.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is your problem? You're having trouble with "Lather. Rinse. Repeat."?
It was right there, next to the Consumer Reports Buying Guide of 1972.
Posted by happymann (Member # 9559) on :
Where did my copy of The Communist Manifesto go?
About three or four times.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Man, you stink! Have you bathed in the last five years?
It was an electronic device of some kind.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Was it a bird? Was it a plane? Was it an alien wearing red and blue spandex?
Yeah, that's what I would do if I was God.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Would you create a rock so heavy that not even you could lift?
Seeing is believing.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you think it's impossible for a blind person to believe in God?
You just can't teach an old God new tricks.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why did the Christian God need to send His son on Earth?
That's a great trick indeed.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would be your response if I told you I scored a hattrick against the Italian soccer team?
Dreams are bad when all they do is leave the truth behind.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Did I tell you about my dream about all the Universe disappearing but me?
Quite convincing, surprisingly.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
As a neurotic liar, how do you think I come across?
Peace is inevitable.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What would The Borg say if they ware all-loving and stuff?
It's better than Mountain Trek.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why did you name your new nature path Molehill Trek?
Well, it would be if there were any moles on it.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Has anybody ever told you that your face is frighteningly similar to that of Robert de Niro?
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino's nose.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Why does the Don keep going "Hoo-waachoo!"?
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You wear a belt AND suspenders, with a zipper fly AND button fly?
Just write to your representative in Congress.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
I'd like to do something to make me feel important, but that doesn't have any effect whatsoever. What do you suggest?
At least I'll have one reader.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of this as a title for my memoirs: "Letters to Myself"?
Just gently squeeze.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How exactly are you using canaries for tea?!?
It's a flying green lemon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you call a Aqua colored Yugo falling off a cliff?
An improvement to a Yugo.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's a Zastava to you?
That's not at all obvious.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Isn't it obvious, I should be "King of the World"
I'd settle for Prince of Quebec
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What should we call you now that you have married Celine Dion?
Just don't bring them home with you.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Dad, you're an open minded man, do you have anything against my dating extra-terrestrials?
ET phoned home.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why is the amount on this month's telephone bill so astronomically high?
BA phoned home.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What could BA possibly have done with that phone?
But Sir, it was blue.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I told you to fire when you saw the whites of their eyes! You were toe to toe with that alien! Why didn't you shoot?
This brings new meaning to "fatal error."
Posted by happymann (Member # 9559) on :
Phei Tull? Wasn't he that one alien who pressed that detonator too early?
Just keep on going.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
In the past two weeks you have managed to land the office of President, won the Mr. Universe title, brought about world peace, ended world hunger, won the local hotdog eating contest and set the world record for running the most consecutive marathons. I guess the question the public would most like to see answered would have to be: "What is your crede in doing all of this?"
I can't dance.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What do you mean what would you do without me? You'd play the harpsichord, sing, dance, and be cheerful for the rest of life!
Because rap music has a silent "c" at the beginning of it, and because rock music needs a "ba" in precedence.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why did you wear that "(C)" on your t-shirt to the last Eminem concert, but wore the "ba-" t-shirt to the Metallica one?
Maybe it was just an innuendo.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Are you a Queen or do you just listen to their 5+ minute songs?
Ad... Adol... Adoles... Adolescent Crescent!
Posted by crescentsss (Member # 9494) on :
who's your best friend?
i had five layers of nail polish on!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
It's just a broken finger-nail, what's with all the fuss?
Crossing the desert begins with a small step.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Know any Freman wisdom?
About time someone made a Dune reference.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why did you include the line "Short term solutions are long term failures" in your latest translation of the Bible?
In the end it's all the same.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you prefer the enema or the suppository?
Oh no! That was my last egg!
Posted by DaisyMae (Member # 9722) on :
Looks like the beginning of menopause. Will you miss your period?
I guess I'll have to go with the Big Gulp.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How are you going to pay for your trip to Big Sur?
A lot of money and very little ice.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What was your motivation to purchase a donor kidney instead of just swiping one off of some guy you met at the airport?
Art for art's sake. And Pete, for Pete's sake.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What is this strange-shaped blood stain on your t-shirt supposed to mean? Is it the shape of that guy - you know, the one that watches the Gates of Heaven holding a bunch of keys?
It was cloudy the whole week.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Can you explain the sudden increase in suicides of astronomers?
Oh my stars!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I understand H117 just went supernova. And G823 collapsed into a black hole. Those weren't the ones you paid NASA for the rights to, were they?
Every silver lining has a cloud.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
They use silver iodide to seed clouds in order to yield rain? What in the world does silver iodide have to do with rain?
Good 'n' Plenty.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What law firm did you use for your personal injury suit against the movie theater snack bar?
It was already wet when I stepped on it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What have you done to my poor gold-fish, and why is it laying on the floor with water all around?
That's not how you treat a pet.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Dead_Horse: How did all this water get on the beach?
suminonA: Want to play some gerbal billiards?
I think it was continental drift.
[ October 19, 2006, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: Stone_Wolf_ ]
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How did Australia make it through the turn of the century?
I've got ninety thousand pounds in my pyama.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What would anybody do with a pyjama made out of a parachute?
I thought it was missing a letter.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why would you spell "Hester Prynne" with three n's?
I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies, Miz Scarlett!
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
Was he supposed to come shooting out like that?
Now your bubble wrap's all askew.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did my super-earthquake-proof tuxedo do in the super-earthquake?
Mmmm, its all shook up.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How's that Elvis impersonation coming?
I'm single-handedly bringing back the pompadour.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
"What is that thing on your butt?"
Maybe a frog, maybe salamander.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So, how would you describe a lawyer?
Sorry, Dag, I couldn't help myself.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What would you say, if one day you get to exterminate all the lawyers in the world?
That's what power is all about.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So how exactly did you swing it so that you got all the credit and none of the blame?
I admit nothing!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Your girlfriend claims that you are by far the most emotionally secure, caring, understanding and open specimen of the male gender that walks this earth. What is your response to these allegations?
You can't handle the truth!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why do you think that my third arm won't help me see the hidden sides of this "truth" thing that you are talking about?
The printer was online.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why are there a bunch of pictures of fax mechines and copiers with their service ports open on the computer?
Ouch, my brain hurts!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So how'd that spa treatment--brain washing with Billo pads--work out?
That was far from relaxing
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Well, if you had to be stuck in the elevator between floors all afternoon, aren't you glad you got to listen to all that Muzak while you waited?
I don't drink. Brandy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"Hi there, I'm Brandy. How drunk do you have to be before you'll sleep with me?"
They don't make that much wine.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Did you hear France is going to stop exporting wine?
They can keep it.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What's your regarded opinion about that RHCP song 'Give It Away'?
I shall resist.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What if you're attacked by 20 sensual virgins?
The star was rising at that precise moment.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you were climbing down the ladder, and how did that star get stuck up your backside?
I bet that hurt more than a Chuck Norris kick to the head.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you were climbing down the ladder, and how did that star get stuck up your backside?
I bet that hurt more than a Chuck Norris kick to the head.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did I just dream I was onstage with Gallagher and two pie pans?
...or a watermelon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you just give birth to a boy or a girl?
Its a sweet pair of canelopes.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How do you feel about that young couple who cannot get their parents' permission to get married?
I only took one, 'cause I couldn't take two.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you try the new aspirin I got from the veterinarian?
Triplets are always fun!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Dude! You're dating your cousin? Aren't you afraid of having kids with three heads or something?
(edit -- because sometimes I'm an idiot)
Because sometimes I'm an idiot.
[ November 05, 2006, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: Tante Shvester ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
(Psst... you're supposed to leave an answer, too, so the next person can actually play...)
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why'd you throw out your Nobel peace prize?
yeah, but sanity is overrated.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Why don't you go see the psychologist? I hear he's the best in the country!
If you didn't want to, you should have stayed silent.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Was it a good idea for me to take over the presidency of Gallaudet University?
It's stuffed with a tasty bread-based substance.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Mommy, what makes that blimp fly?
Love, kisses and fairy dust.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
(Early 2002) Mr. Rumsfeld, what do you plan to bring into Iraq to insure a peaceful and successful reconstruction?
My that sounded a bit politically biased.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear what Fox news said about the president?
Fair and balanced my left butt cheek.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Can you give me two valid reasons as to why you are now sporting that rather expensive gold chain dangling on the right side of your behind?
I'm tired of being the butt of your jokes.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Is there anything you want to tell Bernard, Shren?
Go Nova!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you scream a a "Nascar for ninnies" race?
You just watch to see them wreck.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You know why I keep voting for the incumbents?
Be sure to use plenty of fresh-squeezed lemon juice.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Got any good recipes for these mutant fish I caught in the East River?
Mix it with sugar and water and sell it for a quarter.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How did you produce Ashley Simpson's new CD?
Earplugs and Excedrin.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Duuuude, my brains are leaking out. What can I take to stop them, man?
Increase the dosage.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
If it's one pill for a child, and two for an adult, how many for a small elephant?
I'll trade you a nice rhinocerous for it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Hey, could you stop making jokes about my nose, please?
My nose is normal.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did he say you look like a witch?
But she's lighter than a duck.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Did you really think drinking Blue Nun all night would make you any less intoxicated than drinking Cold Duck all night?
And then in step twelve, you set the whole mess on fire.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
So, after you get the Pope, the President, and Chuck Noris on the Great Wall of China, what do you do?
I thought it was a pirate!
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Why do you say "Yeargh" and "Avast!" every time you see a yard gnome?
Game, set, and match.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What did the famous tennis player's grave stone say?
Live by the racket, die by the racket.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was Big Nose Bartelli's famous last words?
I've gotta sneeze coming.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What did the elephant say to make all the other animals run in fear?
I just ate at Taco Bell.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What did Bob say that made all the other guys run in fear?
I've got lots of big guns.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have a copy of Pachebel's Cannon?
I never put pineapple in mine.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
So what do you think of my super secret super good prize winning cobbler?
It's so freaking cold!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why did you put a gas heater in your igloo?
Those aren't raisins, dear.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Jumping giblets! Are you sure these are real raisins in this plum-duff?
Everything will be alright, once the cream custard arrives.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you enter this empty pie shell in the cooking contest?
Just add a little more butter.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What could make this fantastic Thanksgiving dinner any better?
Turkey Coma.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's wrong with this parrot?
It's supposed to be a fruit salad!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How many boots should I cut up for the salad?
I think I'll eat at mom's next year.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Didn't you enjoy your father's original boot camp theme for this year's Christmas dinner?
Send in the Clones!
[ November 24, 2006, 03:37 AM: Message edited by: Eduardo St. Elmo ]
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What should I do about this wicked Jedi infestation?
I'd respond, but that would require overcoming my lethargy and apathy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you please pass the gravy?
Show me your giblets.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Now that you have made it clear that my standard issue doesn't fulfill your expectations, what would you have me do?
The air is sweet and fragrant, and none shall pass without my permission!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you mind if I fart?
He wears a buckle on his hat.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why don't you think it strange that he wears cuff links for earrings?
The only way to get there is to go straight down.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I've got the handbasket; now, how do I go from here?
Love is the answer.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Now when I talk to God, I know he'll understand. He says "Stick with me and I'll be your guiding hand." Could you give me your regarded opinion as to what is meant by this?
It's twelve o'clock and it's a wonderful day. I know you hate me, but I'll ask anyway.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Could you just give me the time and temperature without resorting to doggerel?
Just a taste.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Can I have some drugs?
Only if you have insurance.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ack! My heart! Do you know CPR?
As far as I know, it's safe.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
And what would be the word to describe the heavy steel object we found on top of the victim, Doctor Watson?
Power surges will do that.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
I wonder where the characters of Dragon Ball got their hair styles.
Because you're emo, so shut up.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why, why, why can't you call me Mr. Phillips?
and you have funny looking hair, too.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I wonder; why does your appearance remind me so much of one of the Three Stooges?
Yes, my girlfriend does indeed lift my spirits higher. Her name is Mary Jane.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Does Mary Jane make you high?
Only if you inhale.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
If I were to kiss you, would there be any danger of getting to know exactly what flavour of gum you're chewing?
I don't want to have it all, I just want to have enough.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How do you justify your country's covert attempts to acquire plutonium?
Thus says the dogma of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Who says thou shalt not lose thy meatballs?
it rolled into the garden, and under a bush.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So you see, I parked my tank on his lawn and forgot the handbrake, and guess what happened?
So it goes.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What will it do now that we have ascertained the fact that it can't stay?
Hmmm... I especially enjoyed that one, let's see what's next.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Sir, we're mired in Afghanistan. What are your orders?
But I thought I was supposed to remove the blue ones.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What lovely eyes! Did you get them from your mother?
Fish scales, but only if you grind them into a powder.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How do you get your cookies so tasty?
It's a secret!
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
You say the unicorn is pink and invisible at the same time. How does that work?
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why would you check to see if the gas tank was full by using a lighted match?
Triscuits, Ritz Crackers and Wheat Thins.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
What did you feed your gerbil before this happened?
Come and get it.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I lost my appetite, would you know how to remedy this?
Sometimes my thinking becomes too complex.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You mean you didn't have enough time to answer the question "1+1=?" in the two hours exam?
It is called an imaginary number.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Why couldn't I get through at the number that hot chick gave me?
pi does that sometimes.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So I was still at it a year later, writing out the value in full. Then my head asploded.
No thank you. I'm allergic.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
It's a home-made concoction; a herbal tea if you will. The main ingredients are leaf by Niggle and the root of all evil. Would you care to try some?
I lost my Yo-Yo.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
I forgot my sling shot, David. What are we going to hit Goliath with?
Yes, but I would have to be very drunk.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you ever wanted to make out with a pink elephant?
This is all your fault.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Didn't you tell me the safety was on?
It was made of plastic.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I had one of the grapes in the bowl on the table, why did it taste so horrible?
Those were not grapes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Those candied grapes were delicious. How did you get them to look like eyeballs?
The blind leading the blind.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Why did Bush hold the door open for Howard when he entered the meeting hall?
Baking soda. Lots of it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I guess I don't see any reason you shouldn't bring a five-gallon drum of vinegar on a plane; what's in your other suitcase?
Granted, but that's asparagus.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Don't you think I have a moral responsibility to destroy the thousands of alien tentacles coming up throught the soil in my garden?
Dig a hole, put in in the ground, and cover it up.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
I keep finding myself stealing my neighbor's cat. Bad habit, I guess. What should I do with it this time?
Mm yes, but I prefer pasta.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
FSM heathen, have you heard the word of the savior?
Believe it or not, the architect accounted for just such a possibility.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
This Gehry building looks like it was designed to deflect aircraft from most approach vectors.
No, that never really occurred to the architect.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did Mike Brady think it was a good idea to design a house for six kids and not put in extra bathrooms?
Shh. Do not speak of such things here.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What exactly does "C'thulu P'tagh!" mean, anyway?
In either case, I'd sugar-coat it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How are you going to tell Dad that he's a diabetic?
I'm not dressed like a pirate.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Would you like to join me at the Church of the FSM service this morning?
Yes. Especially if there will be a pendulum.
[ December 03, 2006, 01:39 AM: Message edited by: Euripides ]
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So you think the having an New Year's party with a "time" theme would be the pits?
I'm not saying yes. I'm just nodding and winking.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
You shouldn't be doing that while we drive through the red light district.
I was going to, but it ran out the window.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I thought you said you were going to touch the sky?
I think I shall dim the lights.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Is that [insert name of a member of the opposite sex you dislike intensely] I see about to enter the room?
Nope, that one was for real.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
A sudden insight tells me you were using live ammo that time. I thought you said we were going to do one more practice run?
It's the consciousness behind the gun that determines whether the gun is good or bad.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
You know how they say that a bad tradesman will blame his tools? Do you think it applies to soldiers?
And that's why they issue you a pair of sunglasses.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
They told the enemy not to shoot till they see the whites of our eyes?
My eyes are green.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
And what flimsy invalid excuse do you have for not joining the other fit blond boys in the Hitler-Jugend?
I don't want to perish like a fading horse.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So, why won't you marry her?
She has cold feet and a sharp tounge.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
What's that about my pet lizard?
He lacks political experience.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why shouldn't I nominate my cat for township clerk?
Yeah, but he always lands on his feet.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What's so new and improved about this version of Humpty Dumpty; isn't he still unable to keep his perch?
I love you, I'm not gonna crack.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it your belief that loving me is a substitute for taking your dose of lithium?
Anguish, despair, ennui, and then, inevitably, disco.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I'm experiencing a writer's block. Could you inform me about the different stages I'll have to go through to get my creative juices flowing again?
I'm the one holding the gun, so I get to make the snide remarks.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Pfft. Did you get that revolver from your dad's antique collection?
Pre-cast concrete slabs.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Thanks for inviting me on your boat! Are those the life preservers?
As long as it's not tofu.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you heard about my new martial arts discipline which is called finger-fu?
Too much love will kill you.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So Johny, what did you learn about STDs today?
It induces nausea.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Now that you've been listening to the complete collection of the Kelly Family for over 48 hours, what can you tell us about their musical stylings?
Video killed the radio star.
Posted by Tyler (Member # 9930) on :
If it wasn't cancer that killed orsen wells, what was it?
it was unfortunut, but necessary
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
You survived the cave-in by subsisting on a ten-pound bag of walnuts- Didn't that give you terrible constipation?
Like a warm hug, if a warm hug was terrifying and awful.
Posted by Tyler (Member # 9930) on :
Do you like Grandma's meatloaf?
i only spent $300 on it.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you take so much pride in that old T-model?
Trancendental jetlag.
Posted by Tyler (Member # 9930) on :
what do you call flying through timezones and not being able to sleep when its in your dreams?
Posted by Tyler (Member # 9930) on :
what do you call flying through timezones and not being able to sleep when its in your dreams?
oh geez, thats bleeding everywhere.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Would you say that this was an arterial wound?
I'm anemic royalty.
Posted by Tyler (Member # 9930) on :
what do you mean by 'i demand a bandaid or ill have your head'?
i havent even tried it yet.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why won't you just take my advice and get rid of that blunted razorblade before you hurt yourself?
Guess I'll move on alone.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
When you are running from a murderous zombie and your friend, mortally wounded, tells you to go on without him, what do you say?
That only happens in the movies.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why didn't you flee in horror when I told you that there was a monster coming?
I was referring to myself.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How am I "not supposed to take offense" to being called a "pig-headed, grub-eating, fascist sub-vertebrate"?
Again, the secret is Worchestershire sauce.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So how do you lubricate the man who has to be the human cannonball for a cannon that small?
That's why he used masking tape instead of rosemary.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Does the chef's beef stew always have this "stick-to-the-ribs" quality?
It was unusually dramatic for such an event.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
You're telling me they had a 10-tier cake and clusters of helium balloons for Rumsfeld's going away party?
That's what they did before they invented the straw, but now life is better.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Ouch! I just cut my lips on this length of reed. Why am I trying to ingest this beverage using such a clumsy utensil?
That's what they did before they invented the law, but now life is better.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Grampa, my textbook says that in the 20th and 21st centuries humans irradiated parts of their own planet. Is that true?
You spend too much time on Hatrack.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I'm starting to become malnourished, have been fired from my job, my girlfriend left me and my eyes are getting sore. What's the matter with me?
You spend too much time in a hatchback.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Why should I get this Aston Martin DBS instead of the Mazda we saw? It doesn't have as much baggage space.
You spend too much time watching Hitchcock.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I've recently developed some new anxieties; I can't look out my rear window due to vertigo and I feel the need to run whenever I see birds. What type of affliction might cause such symptoms?
I don't want to be inert.
Posted by SenojRetep (Member # 8614) on :
Timmy, why are you refusing to be "Helium" in our elementary school science play?
Because it's more dangerous when you use two flamingos.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you only use one flamingo to play croquet?
Feed your head.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So River, do you have any weird and chemically induced but somehow counter-intuitively useful advice to give to Jane?
You've never heard of the scientific method, have you?
Posted by Tyler (Member # 9930) on :
so if i shoot this guy in the head, it means i have the power of life, right?
batteries dont work as well
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
Is that really a miniature hampster in your iPod?
Well, I had to pawn his cage.
Posted by Homestarrunner (Member # 5090) on :
You're letting your little brother roam free again?
I suggest a mixture of butter and talcum powder.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is my face too shiny?
You've got a little grease spot right there.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So, apart from my left eye having been picked out by a nasty raven, the right side of my face being horribly disfigured due to an accident with acid, my Flock-of-Seagulls haircut and my gap-toothed smile, do you think I look good enough for my date tonight?
I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When do you think Mr. Card will be sending me my pony?
It's a paint-by-numbers.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Are the finals hard in art school?
Only if you forget your brushes.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can I use a roller to clean my teeth?
That's best done at the car wash.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Where can I get an over-priced, obnoxiously fruit scented cardboard cut out of a naked woman to hang from my mirror?
Try the internet.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Thahg ready leave cave now; how get up speed with Cro-Magnon world?
Trust me, it's the usual boilerplate.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why are you so insistant that I do not read the whole of this software license agreement?
Enter at your own risk.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you read the engraving on this chastity belt?
I can flip my head back like a Pez dispenser.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
All right, the candy is very nice; what's the second part of your act?
Atmospheric re-entry is a harsh mistress.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you know how much effort it took to wash these drops of Jupiter out of my hair?
I'm the urban spaceman.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you think you could tell me the cost of construction per square foot in the downtown area?
I believe that was Janet Reno.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where did Joe's ex-wife, what's her name, go to get that quickly divorce?
She gave me a great big headache.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
To whom did you sell those size 14 ladies pumps in navy blue?
edit: okay, it's too late to fix now, but that was for Janet Reno^.
But I need one that's not orange!
[ December 13, 2006, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you like me to buy you one of those Oompah-Loompahs, Veruca?
Well, Howdy!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Have you seen a little checkered shirt and dungarees anywhere?
Well, his mouth moves, but he doesn't say anything.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Is he live or is he dead? Has he thoughts within his head?
It's for protection.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why am I giving you my Hatrack password?
I always wanted to be you.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
Do you really think that would make it any better?
I just can't get through.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
But... my princess, why are you going to let a few thorns get in your way when there's a sleeping beauty that awaits your presence?
The cost of life seems to get cheaper.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Abortion 9,99$ and euthanasia 15,99$... For my granny... please, Honey! What do you say?
And it came to pass.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, did the enema work?
Well, one of us had to.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Who brought up chain-mail underwear, again!?
It wasn't me!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who thought that electing Son of Bush was such a great idea anyway?
Chill until gelled.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
What do I do next to make hot coco?
But I asked nicely!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why the heck do you think a total stranger like me would give you a kidney?
It's within the normal tolerance.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why don't you get mad when somebody equates you to a foreign currency?
He's a 21st century schizoid man.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, what'd you dig up now?
I always wanted to be an archaeologist, but this is the best I could do.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why did you legally change your name into Nevada Smith?
I'm just the kind to bring you down.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who are you? You aren't the elevator operator I had going up to my room?
Going down, down, down, down.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
That's the fourth polar fleece coat you've gone through. What are you going to replace them with?
Be assured, I'm up to no good.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Upon bumping into a stranger in the night I apologised for my clumsiness and then proceeded to ask the hooded figure: "Why are you skulking about on the roofs, dressed all in black and carrying a crowbar and a set of skeleton keys in an otherwise empty sack?"
I had a sudden craving for chocolate.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Conquistador, why did you trade all our glass beads for a few sacs of plant pods?
Come ride with me through the veins of history.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Now that we've walked across the path of astrology, where will you take me next?
Maybe I'm a Leo, but I ain't a lion.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Watch out, my Nemean friend, here comes Heracles!
A fat rhino.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you know any of the new characters in this sequel to the Wizard of Oz?
Complications of a mastermind.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Why doesn't the guy just shoot Bond like any other villain?
Droevig, spreek ik het geen Nederlands. Obviously.
Posted by fiddle_stix (Member # 9941) on :
Did you catch that?
i don't like to talk about it. Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Marcel Marceau, what was your favorite role?
Well, I guess you'll have your day in court, then.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
What kind of *#&$@ would take the ice cube tray out of the refrigerator?
The saints are coming.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you call to see if your in-laws will be here for Christmas?
Don't worry, it's just a train passing by.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
John Henry, what is that storm I hear?...
It's not what I bought the subscription for.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Why do those large crates marked "heroin" keep showing up on your doorstep?
She was gasping for air.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you think the sight of my unclad upper body had any effect on her whatsoever?
I'm still shaking my wings.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Too much hot sauce?
Just put it in that box with the dead cat.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
You'd think she would have learned by now, but she microwaved the dog this time. What do I do with it?
That's why you remove the grout first.
Posted by Earendil18 (Member # 3180) on :
Why has my bathtub nurtured a warp capable civilization?
This sailboat has wings, I want off!
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Dead_Horse: I'm running low on diesel fuel, I have some weeds here, can you help me?
Euripides: How am I supposed to tear out the floor when all these tiles are stuck to it?
Earendil18: How is the acid trip so far?
Strange, but true.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
You mean that even though I have to fill out these forms in triplicate I won't get any answer?
That's against the rules.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I'm not going to ask you a question!
You can't stop me!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What makes you think I will stand idly by while you take up space?
Waiting to exhale.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why so blue?
No, it just smells that way.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it safe to assume Schrodinger's cat is dead?
Fortune cookies don't lie.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
But my 18th birthday was over last year...
That's why we had to make the ice cream from liquid nitrogen.
Posted by beautifulgirl57 (Member # 9877) on :
quote:Originally posted by Eduardo St. Elmo: Complications of a mastermind.
Red Hot Chili Peppers? Or am I just obsessed?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You can't give them Haagen-Dazs -- don't you know that Martians are lactose intolerant?
So's your old man.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why shouldn't I, Oedipus, marry the queen when I think she's the most wonderful woman in the world?
I would say that probably marks the end of the diplomatic phase.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would your first reaction be if Spock whipped out a phaser and pointed it at a Klingon delegate?
beautifulgirl57: yes, you're right. ...last temptation of my kind. Extraplanetary signs, when do we align? All in time... right on. - And this wasn't the only post of mine in this thread that could be retraced to song lyrics. One could say that music has become somewhat of a religion for me. That is to say I can find truth in it. So who's really obsessed here?
---Pardon the side-bar. Game On!---
It's time to play the music.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why is the school PA system plugged into your electric guitar?
That should wake people up in the morning!
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
I saw you sneaking into the girls' dormitories with a rooster. What's the deal with that?
Testify.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So, Mr. "Sammy the Bull", you can choose between stool pidgen or hard time, what will it be?
I don't owe him nothing!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Are you going to give the Professor the results of your experiment, since it was his antimatter you used in the matter-antimatter test?
Simple, efficient, elegant, and wrong.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I wrote this loveletter in French, with a pink crayon, using flowing letters, on a piece of toiletpaper. Care to comment before I post it?
Too late, just posted it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you think Sony might object to revealing how to crack Blu-Ray's encryption this early?
It shivers me timbers.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So for our upcoming production of the Pirates of Penzance I was thinking about making the whole play a bit more creepy. Especially the music could use some work. What's your initial reaction to a xylophone made out of a human ribcage?
I used to be called Jolly Roger.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I only met you after your divorce, were you always called Depressed Rodger?
She took more than just half my money.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Were you always in the tenor section of the choir?
Depends on how fast you can run.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think about the Prez's comments about "cut and run"?
We're up to seven tonight.
Posted by Sir (Member # 8921) on :
Have you gotten all the mice?
Yeah, now how do I get it out?
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is your body in the groove, man?
'Round here, they grow to 'bout the size of watermellons.
Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
Well, how big will a person's toes grow in this genetic mutation refugee center stationed deep in the heart of texas?
Because if you'll just get past his views on toilet-paper, you'll see he has some really good ideas!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why is it so important to you that I should listen to this fellow when all he can talk about is recycling?
't Is the season to be jolly.
[ December 22, 2006, 06:31 AM: Message edited by: Eduardo St. Elmo ]
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
It is some kind of encrypted code -- have you deciphered "fa la la la la la la la la", yet?
Don't feel bad -- Stephen didn't even invite Good King Wenceslaus to the feast.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Stephen's a cannibal?
Sucks to be you.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How long is my jaw going to be wired shut?????
I put it in the blender.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where's the baby, dear?
It's not really cannibalism.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
If I ate a Neanderthal, what would that be considered?
That depends greatly on your definition of "completely and utterly wacko".
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Do you think I'm pretty?
Far, far away.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
You sent your children into space?
You know what? That's just how some people like it.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Why is he holding that book up side down?
No one's going to take me alive.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have a date for the prom, yet?
Imagine the possibilities.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would you do with a pocket time travel machine?
Wait 'til tomorrow.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can I get time-and-a-half pay for working my regular shift?
Milk and cookies.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you happen to know what the main part of Santa's diet consists of?
Don't come in here until I ask you to.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wanna hear a great knock-knock joke? Knock Knock!
W-D 37, W-D 38, W-D 39... Oh! I give up!
Posted by Damien.m (Member # 8462) on :
Whats the hardest thing ever to have to reply to in this thread?
I swear it wasnt a pineapple!!!
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
What was it that you wore on your brests that one day at the pool party?
Exactly like that, but not really.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, you think I'm some kind of genius, don't you?
No, it's a yo-yo.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Is that a hand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Truth be told, im not really sure what it is.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
"Ecthalion"? What's an "Ecthalion"?
Here is my handle. Here is my spout.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So go on, you were on LSD and you stepped into the kitchen when the kettle said what?
Because Simon said so.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are you such a conformist?
That's how they do it in Kentucky.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Wasn't that your cousin you just kissed?
If i only had a bucket.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How are you feeling after the big holiday party?
That's my mother-in-law.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Whos the fat man with the scraggly beard?
Today is a good day to.... AAAAUUUUuuughh!!!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So what exacly happened before Dexter was carted off to the hospital?
Maternal combat.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Why sell Bokun's in the lobby of a hospital?
We shall see in what shallow sea we shall be.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
If we follow this river of knowledge will we end up on the sea of love?
I stood on a ridge and shunned religion.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
When was loneliness the worst?
i bit my dog...
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I know why they have me locked up in the funny farm, but what did you do?
Ask me that question again and I'll shank you.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Seriously, what is that thing growing out of your forehead?
Well, we thought it was oil, but it turned out to just be a moose.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What is your secret to your bouncin' and behavin' hair?
It could be worse. It could be flatulent.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
You're willing to dismiss such a flagrant foul?
So that's what the appendix is for!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What do you find at the very back of every anatomy book?
I'm using it for a bookmark.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
So you sneezed while reading, then closed the book without wiping the page off?
well, what did you expect for a nickle and a piece of charcoal?
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Hey you, vagrant person, why did you only shave half of my back?
I'm a big spender.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you think a job in military appropriations is right for you?
Caution: Flammable.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
If there was a warning label on my heart, what would it say?
I've got the greatest view from here.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
so you're strapping yourself to the tail of the plane why?
if i only had a paper clip and a stick of gum.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Is it the end of the world McGuyver?
We are out of duct tape.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Why are we resorting to handcuffs to hold the prisoners?
why do now what you can put off til tomorrow
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Welcome to the Order of the Paternal Procrastanators, what's our motto?
I'll tell you later.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Is the world about to end?
Today in Iraq, nobody died.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
so you say you know that hell has frozen over?
It seems we are at an impass.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I'm no match for you physically and you can't match my brains.
I know it wasn't a question.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Tell me what you know about "Begging the Question".
We're up to "trois poules Franaises".
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
I hear four birds calling.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why do you think you'll need a cookbook of poultry recipes after your true love finishes giving you his Christmas gift?
That wasn't a question.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Explain to me your definition of a question?
I need something in which to go fast.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
Why do you have 300 size E model rocket engines strapped to your butt?
'Cause I felt like it, alright?
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How come you looked like a horrible miscreant yesterday?
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Did your wife find out about yesterday's fishing trip?
That's not a crime where I come from.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
I am not sure a horse is supposed to be used that way.
Because I decided five was easier to handle than three.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So why'd you ultimately decide not to chop off your right thumb and pinky?
It's for a one-person audience.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Why tell a joke that only one person ever laughs at?
Of course i see the duck, what do you think i am? blind?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Don't you see the duck sticking out of your forehead?
I wondered how that got there.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Can you explain the enormous cask of explosives in your living room?
Happens at that age.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
Is he jumping off a 5 story building to impress those girls?
i think he just tripped.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why is that man kissing the rug?
'Cause smoking and tripping is all that you do.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Burning Banana Peel: Why you gotta stereotype me man?
A beagle, a bagel, and something illegal.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What have you got in that carry-on bag, sir?
I'm cool with that.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you carrying a cannister of liquid nitrogen?
Unusually, that sounds like a good idea.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Would you care to join me in a tongue-and-groove class?
A show of hands.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
So what exactly is a sock puppet performance?
It still requires tinking to be done.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why won't you play the triangle in our ensemble?
I'm not over-tall.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
How would you rate yourself over-all?
With a face like that, the world is your crab rangoon.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's this paper sack for?
You don't eat it, you rub it on your face.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What could possess anyone to eat a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's not okay.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
I'm starting a rally in the name of Hitler, and his brilliance. Wanna come and chant Zieg Heil?
No, no, no, the chicken goes on TOP of the toaster.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have any idea why I keep failing at my experiments to breed a self-baking chicken?
They're doing the Macarena.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why did everyone flee the dance floor?
I ate his shorts.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
"I hate this" WHAT??
That's what ended the internet.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
So my old band teacher is about to make this joke online, and...
In conclusion, I have tried your experiment and found that 1) NO!, and 2) You're an idiot.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sure I gave you a failing grade in Chemistry. Is there any reason that I shouldn't have?
It's just what I do at a bar.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
If you don't belong to a religion that forbids the use of alcohol, why are you telling everyone who's drinking that they'll go to hell?
A fast machine, plasticine, and Charlie Sheen.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What's your definition of Terminal Velocity?
That sounds to me like the worst movie ever.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of a remake of "Striptease" starring Bea Arthur?
Well, it's throbbing, that's for sure.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How can you be sure that you hurt your finger when you smashed it with that hammer?
They're coming to take me away.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You're trying to contact the mother ship with a Speak and Spell and the blade from a table saw? Huh?
It perished in giant fireball of kerosene and ostrich feathers.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What happened to your dream of an ostrich farm next to an all-night gas station?
This knife has an attachment for that as well!
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Anyone got anything that can disarm this nuclear device?
Duct tape, Mentos, and a refrigerator box.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What are the contents of your hobo starterskit?
I'm disconnected, but I don't need pity.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So you can't plug back into the matrix anymore?
Richard Simmons, Hermann Gring, Abraham Lincoln, and Lee Harvey Oswald.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
In order, can you name your ideal significant other, your biggest role model, someone who resembles you physically, and someone who resembles you personality wise?
You know I could never deny you what was rightfully mine.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
:sniff: Did you have to give me your cold?
We haven't had a good keel-hauling all week.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Yarr, I just raised me hook, now what did we volunteer for?
That's definitely not helping.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you object whenever I try to kick myself in the head?
Don't pull the plug on me!
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Have you heard of that new prank where you open a champagne bottle right underneath someones rear?
Sweating is nature's way of saying I love you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How are you going to market that new "Not-A-Secret: Odorant and Perspirant in One"?
Sometimes I am ashamed of myself.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's the downside of having made your fortune by selling Enron stock?
Such patience is uncalled for.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
What do you think about my decision to wait the coming nuclear war out in my basement?
Just make sure you have plenty of pork & beans.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I'm in charge of provisions for a camping trip during which I'll be sharing a small tent with several Orthodox Jews; is there anything you'd recommend I'd bring?
It was included with the kids' meal.
Posted by Mix-up (Member # 9512) on :
Where did you get that chicken head?
Thats from my cousin, Gus.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
You have your mother's eyes, and your father's nose, but wher'd you get those fat lips?
Everything is broken.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Godzilla, why aren't you playing with Tokyo any more?
It's the plague, I tell you, the plague!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are there billions and billions of bugs in my house this morning?
Just catch six or 7 of them and put them in a big box.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
There are twenty seven serial killers running around in my backyard with guns and hand gernades; what do I do?
That's the happy dance
[ January 07, 2007, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: JumboWumbo ]
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
Why are you prancing around like Richard Simmons?
Pinch of salt and a lime. Then chug it down.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What can I use to mask the taste of poison in his drink?
That's how they get you.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it true if I enlist in the National Guard right now I can get 10 CDs for a penny?
A tragic result of putting the batteries in backwards.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Can you explain this eerie sensation I have of being controlled by the TV every time I grab for the remote?
I fear the oncoming night.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why do you have a light bulb as big as the ritz?
I can kill you with my brain.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Yes, I threw a spleen at you during gross anatomy class; what are you gonna do about it?
I prefer to think of it as a marvelous political experiment.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why'd you throw this country into chaos by explaining to the public that every registered voter can establish their own party?
Great balls of fire.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What happens if I push this button?
Their case is fuzzy and circumstantial.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
What ever happened to furballs?
Not if you pinch it first.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Will this big, scary dog attack me if anger it by pulling on it's tail?
Serve the servants.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who's play is it in the lords-versus-servants volleyball match?
Hey, I just plant the seeds.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where do you get all these birds?
It started out normal, but it grew to be nine feet tall.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What's with the oversized, organic novelty pen?
Because I'm expecting a phone call.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Clark, why do you always change your clothing in the phone booth?
It's not the length; it's the diameter.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Aren't IMAX movies usually kind of short for how much they charge to see them?
Stating the obvious would have meant stating the obscene.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How come this picture of a turtle orgy doesn't have a caption like all the others?
I saw that in National Geographic.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now where did I see that map of the Kalahari?
It leaves a refreshing minty tingle.
(and Good One, Sterling!) Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What's so great about smellivision?
It beats living under a bridge.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
I just bought my new Ferrari and it doesn't even have nine cupholders like I ordered!
As many as you can fit into your mouth at once.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
How many words can a person say in two seconds?
Now that was a big bang!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How did it feel to have your head explode from looking at eBay too long?
I just got a troll comforter with matching sheets for $14!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
(Thanks, Tante! )
How do you keep hot the fury to continue your endless internet flame wars?
I concur, with rancor.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Don't you think that Jabba's Palace was the best location in the Star Wars movies?
I'll be out like a thief in the night.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Kitty, where are you going with that pantyhose on your head?
I'll bet that makes your whiskers hurt.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
How will you get Sarah to give back your Wii after she caught you kissing Shelly?
I'll just rub her tummy and pat my head.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, how do you deal with a dog who hates to be touched above the neck?
Alms for the poor, alms for the poor.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What's the best method of wasting my capital?
This is the day you will always remember as the day I almost completed a movie quote.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
Why are we having a party again?
The bed was dry this morning.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are we having a party again?
Wax on. Wax off.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Are you going to complete a movie quote?
We're having a party again.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you think in the twenty-first century there will be support for a Whig presidential candidate?
A smidgen, but not a crumb.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would be the appropriate amount, according to your rule of thumb?
We've just left the harbour.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Why doesn't the seawater taste like tea any more?
Thus spake Zarathustra.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who dat who say who dat?
Not as much as I like fruitcake.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How are you enjoying your boiled monkey brains?
Meeting as good statesmen do.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why did the Senator put a sub-machine gun in his briefcase for his meeting with the panel?
It definitely won't be available wireless.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Can I get my pizza delivered over the internet?
The long, dark tea-time of the soul.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If heaven is a golf couse by Arnold Palmer, what is Purgatory?
Not that kind of tee.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
That's ridiculous. Why would the British go to so much trouble to bring golf balls into Boston?
666
Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
If 555 is how numbers in American tv shows start, how do numbers in, say, Canadian shows start?
It kills fleas, flea eggs, ticks & chewing lice.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So a Twinky can survive for twenty years without the slightest sign of decomposition; what else can it do?
Thank the hostess for me.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
"After you've chrashed your car into the unclad gnomes on the front lawn, stumbled into the hall with the gait of a sailor who has trouble adjusting to dry land, nearly drowned the kids' pet chihuahua because you mistook it for a rat, used the Ming vase as a recepticle for your breakfast when it refused to stay down and managed to expose the husband's cuckoldry to his fragile wife and the rest of the gathering, can I do anything that would really complete this night in your opinion?"
You can overdo anything.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
So you guys chipped in for a paintball version of a Browning gun and mounted it on your jeep?
That has nothing to do with genealogy.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I figured, you're the expert, so you could tell me: what can I expect if I rub this lamp?
Just stop calling!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hello, my name is John Kerry and I'm running for President in 2004. What can I do to gain your vote?
Thats what happens when you cross timelines with phone lines.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Yo Marty, I've got a Mr. Bell on the line for you... Do you know this person?
Better leave that to the professor.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you make a radio out of a coconut?
Either Bea Arthur or Aunt Bea.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as...?
Hold your powder.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can I help you with that very shiny nose? Can I? Can I?
It's very clear.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of my hidden agenda?
I plan on being on the top of page 200.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 233) on :
What's the point of this game?
Seems silly to me.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of President Bush's new Iraq policy?
I've seen worse. I don't know when, but I've seen worse.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Can you tell me something to raise my spirits after my five-mile-uphill-both-ways-in-the-snow trek to and from school, Grandpa?
In as much as I intend to take advantage of it, I find your ignorance delightful.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What do you think of my plan to circumnavigate the globe in a boat made of chewing gum?
Explain it using some weird analogy, and then cut to the next scene.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Can you teach me how to write the script for a Matrix movie?
Slug bug invisible.
Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
Any ideas on what lem should call his next tv show?
I represent the number 9.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why can't you just be a normal munchkin?
I think I saw it on Sesame Street.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Johnny, where did you learn about the unfair distribution of cookies between the bourgeoisie and the proletariat?
You don't see that on Sesame Street!
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
Wait, is that Big Bird in the rotisserie oven over there?
No, it's just an inside-out mattress.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
It that the biggest sheep you've ever seen?
They have numbers on the side.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What do you mean America's military might can't defeat army ants?
You need the blue key.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band wishes to sue for peace; how do we get into the Bluish Embassy?
Spic-and-span Spanish Spam.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
We're out of bombs, what should we use against Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?
I swallowed a bug.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
River, you've just barely escaped a mob of violent, cannibalistic Reavers on a dodgy hovercraft and seen dozens of people killed. Are you alright?
It's been a good day.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Are you always this sentimental?
That's a bold move.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did the chicken cross this quadrant of the galaxy?
Yup.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can you think of a three letter word meaning affirmative?
I'll take either the bagpipes or the moose.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Which of these do you think will make the most effective noise for driving away violent mobs?
If it's not safe now, it never will be.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So, I've created a traffic jam by phoning in a bomb-alert and let the chicken go first; do you think it's safe to cross the street now?
Not unless you're in LA.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Is there any way I can continue my adoration of David Beckham?
The big one on the left, next to the lever marked "Discharge".
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Now, which button do I push to flush this state-of-the-art toilet, specially designed for deep space use?
It depends on which hemisphere you're hovering over.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Should I bite Suntan-boy on the left cheek or the right cheek?
That's just a mosquito ringtone.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Will you quit that annoying whining?!
Uncle Tom's Condominium.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Trivia: Which tower block inspired a series of tales entitled "Song of the Southside".
It normally wobbles.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How come you react so positively to my mentioning that your right eye seems to be twitching?
Don't visualize.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have any advice for me if I DON'T want to self-actualize?
Amanda Lynn and the Banjo Boys.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Can you recommend any good mixed-gender filk bands?
Well, this has been a night to dismember.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Swanky evening out! Cost you an arm and a leg, huh?
Chicken noodle soup.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Why are you refusing Tante's virtual hug? Are you allergic to something?
We stopped doing that in the 3rd century BCE.
Posted by Earendil18 (Member # 3180) on :
Isn't axe swallowing dangerous?
They're just jealous of your success.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why did the government raid my soylent green manufacturing plants?
Human, All-Too-Human.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What is the name of your new native American boyfriend?
A genius, two partners and a dupe.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you appoint a Black ,two Jews and a cripple, like President Reagan?
Nothing but Saran Wrap!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What, in the name of all that's good and holy, are you wearing?
A sight for sore eyes.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What was it like seeing your family after your retinal transplant?
I'll have that answer for you when the door opens.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Do you think it's safe to go onto the planet surface without our helmets?
Inside of a chocolate bunny.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Help me out with the next line of the sonnet: "My love for you is full as the --- what?"
Well, it sure ain't the Marlboro Man!
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Psst! Is that Captain Jack Sparrow?
That's the strangest non sequitur I've never heard.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's something you don't want to hear after your punch line?
Between the Death Valley marathon and deep-sea diving.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where'd you file that article about the Debarking Debacle?
And after that, defenestration!
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
An... and when, and when I talked to Mister Lumbergh like accounting told me, he literally threw, literally threw me out the window. Can, can you believe it?
All right now, Milton.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you seen Paradise?
Hero For Hire, inc.
[ January 26, 2007, 08:25 AM: Message edited by: Eduardo St. Elmo ]
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Egad! What can I call my new sandwich rental business?
After careful consideration and a large gin and tonic.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you cough up this huge cotton ball?
That's one bold weevil!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who was that little guy who just came into the lab, yelled "Pesticide? I'll show you pesticide!", and beat up all the scientists?
It's the fortress of ineptitude.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Where did the Operative go after Mal beat the snot out of him?
Apply pressure directly and spin around in a circle three times. Repeat.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Can you help me get this "child-proof" bottle open?
It happens when you get old.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why can't I remember how many candles to put on this cake?
It helps to have a night light next to the bed.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
What's the best defense when Mars attacks?
I've known dragons with feet like rabbits.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What makes dragons so lucky, do you think?
Lots of olive oil.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How does one deep-fry a dragon?
For once, I'm glad for asbestos.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Third degree burns everywhere but your crotch and buttocks?! Amazing!
Picture a bikini wax, only with grape jelly.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Help! I'm having difficulty visualising the Netherlands...
Well, it began as a scale model of the Graf Spee.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How did you get the inspiration to build this prize-winning model of Eiffel Tower?
It's the end result that counts.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What can I expect when I'm working on my internship in Proctology?
That'd better be a rabbit.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Wanna see me pull a rabbit out of my pants?
Pour it in your hat and see what happens.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do I do with this packet of "instant rabbit"?
I think it's time to grow a spine.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Say Fred, wouldn't you like to walk like those bipeds over there?
[Edit: Happy 10,000th inane game post!]
That was not in my job description
[ January 29, 2007, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: Euripides ]
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why didn't you clean the toxic sludge out of the pipes like I asked?
I don't think condos on the sun will be as popular as you think.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Hey, have I ever been wrong before?
The funding isn't there.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Only another 25c and we can make Windows Vista the ultimate OS *ever*!
Blue was only my second choice.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Mr. God, is it true that the original design for the sky was pink?
It's just a colour anyway.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
You think anyone will notice that the last five hundred U.S. flags we shipped out had pink stripes rather than red?
Misfortune for some, slapstick for others.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The landing gear is broken, they're almost out of fuel, and you're lining the runway with banana peels! What's the point of that?
For what it's worth.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why would you swallow an un-pinned hand-grenade made out of pure gold, if you knew that it will still explode?
That would be the ultimate sacrifice.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How would you react if you were told that only you can save humanity, but only by giving up your carefully saved virginity to an octagenarian on the cusp of her last breath?
Just wave a stick at it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How do I protect myself from this swarm of stick insects?
Gentlemen, we have our scapegoat.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Fellow congressmen, what if we blamed all our mistakes on violent video games?
Now that's entertainment!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Sir, our competitors plan a huge fireworks show for their live transmission of The power of Fire ceremony this year. We have to do better than that. What if we blew up the Earth and broadcast it back from the Moon?
It's not too far away.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Do you think it's possible to go Over the Rainbow?
A: Please, I think it can only get better from here.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, having missed over a hundred throws in this carnival game, you're now volunteering to be the guy above the dunk tank?
Now that's something I haven't seen a computer do before.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
So you're saying windows works fine?
It hit me like a ton of feathers.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's it like to get run over by Big Bird?
Oh, that was just Oscar the grouch.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Wait, go back. What award show was that on TV?
A: It would appear my face is on fire. That's wonderful. This will definitely impress all the kids at school.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Are you...glowing?
The road to hell is paved with small intestines.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
So, how do you like your new job at the slaughterhouse?
But it was a very pretty cow.
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Why did you give the cow a perm?
Don't worry, It's only half vegeatable.
Posted by RunningBear (Member # 8477) on :
It's what eatable?
Just an ethiopian delicacy.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
They say you're the most strictly specialized cook in the world! What can you cook, exactly?
The memory is still fresh.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
I heard you bought some old SDRAM and plan to cache in on it. What makes you think people will buy it?
Three band-aids later the problem was solved.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what *did* you do about that crying toddler?
Congratulations, you've taken all the fun out of it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Sorry I'm late; I had to find a new parachute at the last minute. With all the hurry I almost forgot to check! Did you know that someone had replaced mine with an unimaginably huge purple bra?
That should have been obvious.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you know that you misspelled "anonymous" backwards?
Red hot chili peppers.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
I'm afraid we're out of that, what other flavor ice cream do you want.
That's what the instructions said!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat...when are you going to give someone else a chance to get in the shower?
Goodness Gracious! Great balls of fire!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's that wizard throwing at us that has everyone huddled behind the hill like this?
Your difficulties are entirely your own fault.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the big deal with me stepping over the line when I serve in tennis?
The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in our serves.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
But why should I serve, when I can Teach?
And the mountains win again.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ooh! That's fancy!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What would you say if instead of "aunt" we called you "tante"?
Yes, but I'd appreciate it if you kept it a secret.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
So you know how to save humanity from ultimately destroying itself?
I am made of scars.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is there anything in your medical history that would contraindicate prescribing an anti-clotting medication?
They actually smell better dead.
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Oh man that stinks. Can you please not kill that troll?
I put it in the apple.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Where's the other half of this worm?
Well, the typical ratio is seven dwarfs to one prince.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Am I right in understanding that Prince's contract dictates the size of his entourage in more ways than one?
I would never have thought to use a turkey baster for that.
Posted by jlt (Member # 10088) on :
You use a turkey baster to clean a fish tank?
Yes, it adds a fishy taste to all my Thanksgiving dinners too.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the deal with oyster stuffing? Is it OK to substitute goldfish crackers?
First place in the pinewood derby!
Posted by gsim1337 (Member # 10168) on :
You really won something with that big fat hunk of wood on wheels?
I never knew it could turn that color...
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why are you looking at my bathtub so strangely?
She wouldn't have to touch it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it fair to say my sister is so accident prone that her just touching your science project is likely to make the whole thing explode?
Apparently they couldn't come up with actual lyrics.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
What was the point of setting three and a half minutes of wracking coughs to music ?
He's an evil reptilian kitten-eater from another planet who just says anything that comes into his pointy little head.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
What's with your brother?
I'm more interested in the green lumpy one.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Wouldn't you just love to adopt that adorable Indonesian child ?
Only if he can do the hokey-pokey.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Would you do me a favor and take the dog for a walk?
Yeah, take away the guacamole and that would be fine.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Do you think I could pass this off as Chinese food ?
Fine, thanks.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How is your self-decapitation project coming?
Thats why he was a figurehead.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Didn't you just love that scene where Tom Cruise was cleaning up at blackjack, all because Dustin Hoffman was able to count the cards from, like, seven decks at once?
It's good on a tortilla. Or a piece of matzah. Whatever.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Is there an actual reason for selling this stuff other than to make me wonder why they bother selling it?
Yes, but the fish is the wrong colour.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Don't you like rainbow trout?
Barnum's Law and Sturgeon's Law have come together with devestating consequences.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
By jove! Which cretins have legislated against caviar in circuses?
The square of the hippopotamus.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
What simultaneously has sides of equal length and kills more people then any other wild animal in Africa?
It worked out so well on paper!
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why did you build an entire stadium with no bathrooms?
It's an intelligence test!
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Why did I score so low?
Second star to the right, then straight on till you crash.
Posted by charles_martel (Member # 10172) on :
Can you tell me where the Bugger homeworld is?
Only in America.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Does the American dream truly exist?
Help is most assuredly not on the way.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
How can you be so sure we're doomed?
I read it in the fish entrails.
Posted by RunningBear (Member # 8477) on :
Do Fish like tripe?
Isn't that Bull?
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Who is this Mr. Winkle they keep talking about ?
If that isn't wonky, I don't know what is.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
You sure I is playing out of tune? (apologies )
But it proves my theory that the earth is flat.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Could you please stop trying to iron that globe ?
It's also known as charred dead animal flesh.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why do you get angry every time I eat a steak?
In reality, the earth is shaped like a hexagon.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why do you insist on changing the Cartesian system to a triangular one (Klingon style) for your Map?
They went too far in Star Trek.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you making a science fiction show about exploring the "pre-final frontier"?
The math checks out, not that that's any consolation.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean I owe 87,000 on my income taxes this year?
I'll pay it in Turkish Lire.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What are you going to do about the priceless Turkish Vase that you just broke?
Everyone has a price.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why are you sneaking price stickers onto everyone's backs?
So here I am at the bottom of the well, again.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What are you doing in a desperate plea for attention this time?
That would explain the blown fuses.
Posted by gsim1337 (Member # 10168) on :
Did you know our house is plugged into the energizer bunny?
I can finally, honestly, say no.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Is there anybody still alive that knows you fear small dogs?
Color me clueless with a shade of indignation.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What would you like me to do with my Crayola super-extra-extended box set?
I do feel waxier than I did a few minutes ago...
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Did you just step in a candle?
I think it's an orange Panda.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the secret ingredient in Orange Crush Soda?
Well, that would explain the ringing in my ears.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it true you have a mind like a Swiss clock?
Dot every 't' and cross every 'i'.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Whai's ihe besi way io make sure T pass my wrtitng class?
If you keep crossing them, your eyes will stick that way.
Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
Why can't I keep making the optomitrists angry when my eyes are in such disorder?
Because you'll scare the children.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Why won't you let me sing "Happy Birthday" at the birthday party?
My talent is so unappreciated.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How does it feel to be the inventor of the most excruciatingly horrible torturing device?
It can be used in more than one way.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
Why is my brand new BMW upside down in the street?
I swear eternal vengeance upon you!
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Don't you like my impresion of a cat stuck in an engine?
Turn it around and color it purple.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
How do I beat the last boss in Halo 2?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How do you face death?
Either overly whimsical or overly gloomy, I'm not sure which.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of the new "Hello Kitty" pink hearses?
It's the scented candle.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you just fart?
Better take the rest of these back to the store.
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Is it me or does this taste like a flavored turd?
It's up in smoke.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
What's the Cheech and Chong movie that always makes you pass gass uncontrollably?
Well I think it smells charming!
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Is that a dead skunk I smell?
Green eggs and ham.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's Martha Stewart's favorite recipe?
Well, they have towels with her name on them.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Why she keep stealing stuff from that hotel?
Oh, I see. The cat goes there, and radiator goes THERE.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What have you learned from studying feng shui?
There is a peculiar fishy aroma, I'll grant you that.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is it such a stretch to imagine that the piranha have evolved legs and are now travelling through the ventilation ducts?
It certainly punctuated my equilibrium.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
You had almost reached Zen enlightenment when the jackhammering started?
All part of my evil plan to bring things to a screeching halt.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
So, why did you pour glue on the sidewalk?
I don't know, I just work here.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you think that your company is employing mindless people and uses them to achieve their malevolent plans without questioning?
Please leave Sudoku out of it.
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
What does Mr. Doku's wife Su think about it?
No one else will do it.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
Why would you ask me to clean Grand Central Station with my tounge?
Only if I get to do it twice.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
This doomsday button starts and terminates the countdown to the launch of our ICBMs. Would you like to press it?
The Egyptians invented it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you know that archaeologists have discovered sealed jars of gefilte fish at the bottom of the Red Sea?
Well, that's certainly some Coptic nerve.
Posted by Al (Member # 1669) on :
Why are they painting the Gospels in hieroglyphs?
Cuz I so desperately want it to be so.
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Why is your underware on your head?
It's all a matter of sanding out the orange bumbs.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you get your skin so young looking?
Bottle of red, bottle of white, bottle of Coca Cola, bottle of Sprite.
Posted by Al (Member # 1669) on :
What was Billy Joel on when he wrote Scenes from an Italian Restaurant?
In a far out way, it answers the question.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Why do you think God gave us a toothbrush when we asked him about the meaning of life?
A: That mint tasted an awful lot like defeat.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you know that toe jam is one of the ingredients in those breath fresheners?
There is so much ice it's impassable.
Posted by Al (Member # 1669) on :
Doesn't Frosty ever have to wee?
Only because he's a misologist.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why does he keep ordering Miso soup at the popcorn concession stand?
He's not a real doctor, you know.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Dr. Who?
I keep stubbing my toe on it.
Posted by Al (Member # 1669) on :
Why did you throw your grandmother's wheelchair out the window?
OK, I admit it, but dont hold it against me
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is this your cattle prod?
The one with the big feet and red dots.
Posted by DevilDreamt (Member # 10242) on :
Which one of you little brats stole my stethoscope?
So thats why the ice-cream had bones in it
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Have you noticed that on this Kiwi Ice-Cream box they are not talking about the fruit?
If its green then its OK.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How come you just ran through that traffic light?
Mrs. Potato Head.
Posted by Maliam (Member # 9915) on :
Who from Idaho do you think would make a good meal?
It's all in the green monkey.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What'd you do with the stuff you cleaned out of the refrigerator?
It just went around and around and around.
Posted by Al (Member # 1669) on :
Whatever happened to that atheism debate on Hatrack?
No point flogging a dead horse.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you rather I flog you, or Seabiscuit?
Hoping to deflect blame from me, I blame the media.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Don't you know that your cows are causing global warming?
This one runs on rabbit poop.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are this one's feet all brown and gooey?
Just keep going until I say stop.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Where can I put it?
Your eyes give me more pleasure then anything I've ever experienced before.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Can you handle the fact that I have one lazy eye and one blind eye?
My mind is drawing a blank.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How's testing that neural interface art software working for you?
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, stop before I kill you.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
But, don't you like this extensive interpretation of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" that I have created with you in mind?
No weapon forged by man can kill me.
Posted by gsim1337 (Member # 10168) on :
Are you sure you want me to send a fleet of aliens to kill you? Suicide is a bad thing.
No, never. That is bad!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I am about to enjoy this hard boiled egg. Should I start eating it from the pointed side?
Orange, blue, red and green.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sure, they call themselves the rainbow coalition, but aren't they failing to represent some of their constituency?
The Lord of Heck (aka, the Prince of Insufficient Lighting).
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Who's that guy with his wicked half-smile, hunched over such an immense and ominous tome, yet squinting to make out what is written?
Must be a demi-god.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I'd say that calling him godlike is a bit over the top, wouldn't you?
I coulda had a V-8!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did that nazi rocket scientist say when they threw him in prison?
It's a price I'm willing to let you pay.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
Dad to daughter -- How much for college?
Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Didn't I have three kids a minute ago?
Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
Where do authors get their inspiration?
Michael Jackson
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, if that wasn't a flying saucer, how do you explain the moon-walking alien collecting a menagerie of zoo animals and young children?
They do it alphabetically.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Count backwards from pi.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
My mind is going round in circles. Do you have a solution for this predicament?
Sometimes the punishment doesn't fit the crime.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The penalty for truancy is suspension? Huh?
Now all I need are shoes to match.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I like the way you always keep up with the latest fads and I knew about the worn jeans look, but are you really wearing brand new socks with holes in them?
We built a monster.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is the playroom overrun with Legos?
We use twist ties.
Posted by gsim1337 (Member # 10168) on :
Why do all the nueclear warheads you build explode in the holding facility?
You put a giant rocket on either side and launch them at the same time with full force.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what does General W.E. Coyote recommend with regard to the nuclear arsenal?
Until recently, I would have said 'anything but that'.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
What is the best tool to remove a wart from the inside of your nostril?
Duck tape and a long string.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
how do you keep your ducks in a row?
Duck, duck, goose!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I've sensed a pattern in sensei's attack: he swings high twice, and then turns to face away for a moment. How do you think we should counter?
A remarkably useless piece of bioengineering.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
What is human life?
The higher, the fewer.
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
What's with the combover?
The longest toes I have ever seen.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What feature causes you to believe your new girlfriend is an ourangatan?
That's why we add so much FD&C Red Number 7.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Given the derivative of the secant line with respect to tangent how can we experience a combat scene in this play without a realistic form of blood during the climax?
ZZZzzz...
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
Can I show you the photos of my trip to Minnesota? There are lots of pictures of giant animal statues!
Platypus flavor.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What new flavor of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans are you guys introducing for the next Harry Potter release?
It's amazing what you can prove with math.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Years of exhausting calculation have proven to me that there is in fact a correlation between a rising IQ and the diminishing of one's social skills. Do you want to make a baby?
She doesn't have a sense of humor.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When you refer to Tante Shvester's posts as "senseless", what exactly do you mean?
It also makes a good floor wax.
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
Why buy this dessert topping? It tastes awful!
$16,940.00
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do I want to know how much you paid for that awful dessert topping?
It gives me an excuse not to get involved in other conversations.
Posted by gsim1337 (Member # 10168) on :
If it makes you puke why did you eat that awful dessert topping?
It is the meaning of life.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
What was that thing about the number 42 again?
It looks like spaghetti.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You had a vision of G'd? What did He look like?
Worse than a pencil with a broken point.
Posted by Ken (Member # 10082) on :
What happened to my large intestine after trying your famous dessert topping?
Green, Really a gross shade of pea green.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Tante: Is it bad that we broke off the shuttle's nose just before re-entry?
Ken: What did he look like after he ingested the dessert topping?
It even works with USB!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, Hatrack is up and running again?
So nice to come home!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How was the free vacation you got from the resort time-share company?
I did that once, and all I got was a can of pop.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you been to that Mom and Pop store on the corner?
Swiiiiiing and a miss, juuuuuust a bit outside.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is our daughter in the backyard playing with her swingset?
I've been known to cause it to go dormant for months.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, does your girlfriend have a vigorous libido?
I'm on the fence.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
Says one squirrel to another, "How do you feel about the war in Iraq?"
I can't sleep.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you keep yo-yo-ing up and down, instead of doing those yo-yo tricks like "walk the dog" or "rock the baby".
It tolls for thee.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who is this Toll House cookie for?
How rude of you to escape.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is it better to Ctrl-Alt-Del?
I could have danced all night.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You were this close to electrocuting yourself and youre sad?
That's a smiley.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's with the weird punctuation ;-)?
They do it alphabetically.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are the file numbers starting with 2 filed after the file numbers starting with 3?
Certainly a novel way to render it unreadable.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you think of my new novel that I've written with all the words arranged alphabetically?
I'd slap you across the face with a halibut.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
For your birthday, would you rather have an iPod or a halibut?
Now, now, it's not necessary to get violent with the fishies.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How's this for a concert line-up: Violent Femmes, then Phish?
My homework ate my dog.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why'd you bring your little sister for show and tell?
(I have a friend who is a teacher, and one night when he was grading papers, he took a break, only to come back later and find a great mess. He had to go in to his students the next day and say, "I'm sorry, my dog ate your homework.")
I have a hard time finding it in the parking lot.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Wait, why is your car in your cubicle?
It's the one next to the red pencil.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Which of the students' essays required the most corrections?
I'm beginning to hate you just by association.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Have you read my latest article on headaches?
It was round, I tell you!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
We re-assembled the eggshell fragments we found by the wall. Apparently it was a rare, cubic egg. Why are you shaking your head?
Like that stuff between your toes on a hot summer day.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: What does that meekrob taste like?
A: I don't think it's very nice to eat snowmen.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Dear me! Why are you eating the charred remains of the fireman?
They have them in Galapagos.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Where did you pick up that "I Heart Darwin" t-shirt?
I think she's got an angle.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why is that woman all pointy?
I guess it's a kind of parasite.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you heard that Hatrack may be moving to a new host?
Not for nothing.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you be interested in converting to nihilism?
You're sick, I'll humor you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why do you insist on telling bad jokes every time I get a cold?
Pass the tissues.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would you ask for after you've been hugged by Slimer?
Hey! That's my mother you're talking about.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who's that guy with the army boots?
The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Who are you going to invite to a Shabbaton in the middle of nowhere?
Pass the brisket.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Okay, you have a tisket, a tasket, and a green and yellow basket; what else do you need?
Gah, my eyes!
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
OK, so I've gahed your head, shoulders, knees and toes, what next?
Cry Havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did you know all your neighborhood canines are in your yard with paintball guns?
Not mine, she only licks the cat.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Does your daughter like lollipops?
Ugh, that's sticky.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why haven't you deleted that obnoxious flame-bait of a thread?
Release the lawyers.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
So I've got a few hostages; what're ya gonna do, sue me?
Horses sweat, men perspire, women glow.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What exactly is 'I'm glowing like a horse' supposed to mean?
Some questions are better faced inebriated.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How come you don't know when you knew why you were where you shouldn't have been?
The band is back together.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
They're making a Lord of the Rings, part IV?
That's my mother.
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
What a darling little picture! I love dogs. What breed is it?
Sort of like the shivers you get from fingernails on a chalkboard.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Apparently his singing was so bad that he was stabbed with some sort of crude knife, or "shiv". Ever seen anything like this before?
A splendid plan, but one I will be no part of.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I was thinking I'd post inscrutable things that no one wanted to reply to until the topic died; want to help?
It doesn't get any simpler than that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Your money or your life?
I didn't catch it; it caught me.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What did you have to do to get rid of that virus you caught in the Amazon?
They are like those little fish with big teeth.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
There are a group of kids all in desperate need of braces, and they look like something familiar, but I can't place it.
The prince says that won't be necessary.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
So do we need the peasants alive now that they've tilled our fields?
Their optimism was quite uncalled for.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What on earth do you have against the Cup Half-Full Brigade?
I'm not a pessimist; I'm a realist.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you name your first child "Disappointment"?
That's not what the internet is for.
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
Notpron!
Everything you put your hands to.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What were you just saying I destrgsdfjgy49^Agfvbs?
Seems as good a time as any to bow out.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
You sure you won't wait 'til the obese woman starts her caterwauling?
There's nothing like job security.
Posted by otterk10 (Member # 10463) on :
Will I get in trouble if I sexually harass my female co-workers?
That's pretty complicated.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
Shouldn't you slow the ambulance down while going through a crosswalk?
Red
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you have any aliases or nicknames, Mr. G. Biv?
I'm still waiting.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
They say, "with age comes wisdom." At 105 years old, do you feel as though you have accumulated great wisdom?
My leftmost toe.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Where did you put that last Bugle I gave you?
He was supposed to be wearing the blindfold.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How did you expect me to bring your father to his surprise party if I couldn't see?
That's why I let him drive.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you mind that I just got you a club sandwich and I got your brother golf clubs?
You put it in the blender.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
"Hmm... How to make this steak more tender?"
I need a different liquor.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why won't you use my distilled Thunderbird in your exquisite French dessert recipie?
I'm waiting for the reviews to come in.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How come you're still not convinced that your play is an absolute failure after the entire audience left during the opening monologue?
Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why is Cheney walking next to Bush like that?
(I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.)
It's not usually considered a deadly sin.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you think the Almighty won't frown upon your attempts to bury your parents beneath a pile of medals, ribbons and other awards?
The band is back together.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
They're making a Part IV to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy?
That's why they invented tic tac toe.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Ugh, have you ever been in a more boring math class?
A sticky, tacky toe
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What was that in the glass case at your podiatrist's?
There's a rat in my hat.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Orincoro, did you ever figure out why your hat doesn't fit any more?
It's pretty, cut, and dyed.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What do you think of Tom Lehrer's I Hold Your Hand in Mine?
We dance to the Masochism Tango.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean that you got the first inkling that your marriage was in trouble at your wedding reception dance?
Be prepared.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Are you an eagle scout?
Let me help you across the street.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen my chicken?
A newspaper.
Posted by Judas (Member # 7355) on :
What's black and white and called a newspaper?
I want your hot sauce in my taco.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What does YOUR hot sauce packet say?
It was way too stretchy for my taste.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why didn't you join us at the taffy pull?
Powder blue.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What colour would you say these ground eyeballs are?
It took me a fortnight.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wow! Did you build that fort overnight?
A battery tester.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you recall that new euphemistic, PC term they came up with to take the place of 'cannon fodder'?
Right turn, Clyde.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Excuse me, I'm new to this whole Pac-Man hunting thing; where am I supposed to be going?
Pin it to the bulletin board with the others.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What should I do with this donkey tail I found in the hundred-acre wood?
Funny, I'm sure it was striped yesterday.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you care to explain why the zebra you sold me yesterday turned out to be a white horse after a good washdown?
Amazingly enough, that's accounted for in the budget.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
You didn't have to pay out-of-pocket for the pistachio-decorated g-string rack, did you?
THAT was decided long ago.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Chicken? Egg?
In that case, I'll take two.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Your Choice: A) we shoot you or B) we stab you. Which do you choose?
C please.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What cup size do you prefer?
I got choked by an arti!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What happened after you failed to take your cue from the cumber?
It's not doing anyone much good until then.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Ron: Should I send my mum an owl about the wand?
This town if full of scaramouches.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's with all the Have-a-Heart traps?
Love is a real life wire -- ooh, it's a burning sensation.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why on earth would you think these symptoms in your genitals were normal?
You're no longer courting disaster; the engagement is now on.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Will you marry me?
In two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When are you ever going to give a rat's a**?
It's magically delicious.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What kind of nutritional claim can we make about a marshmallow cereal that won't get us taken to court?
Got one free in the mail.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Being a penniless hobo, how is it possible that you own a major creditcard?
I think I'm hearing voices.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why won't you respond to me when I ask you a straight question?
Because I still despise you.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Why won't you let me borrow your My Little Pony playset?
The blue wire.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
You see, my dear assistant, after a proces of elimination I am left with...?
The obvious answer would be that they were all wrong.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
A train leaves Chicago at 10 am and heads east at 63 miles per hour. At the same time, a train leaves New York and heads west at 48 miles per hour. Taken as a given that neither train derails, the trains would collide at: a. 12:45 pm b. 5:45 pm c. 8:45 pm d. 10 pm
That's how many shoelaces a centipede has to untie!
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you keep mumbling "double the segments, subtract the bare and velcro"?
It was the best I could come up with.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Linda Blair, what's with the pea soup?
A clean bowl, and a lead pipe.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Besides plenty of water, what other items do I need for that DIY enema?
It has become a gross-out contest.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen the Fall line-up on the Fox network?
American Idle.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Could you repeat the proposed title for that new show starring an ex-Python?
Dutch treat.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I thought you said the company would treat me for my research expenses in the red light district of Amsterdam?
Not ignorant, just obnoxious.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What is the most positive discription you could give of me?
A realistic dreamer.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What does it make me that I want to be the one million and seventeenth person to reach the South Pole?
I wasn't using it.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How come your brain is on display?
The extraction was quite painful.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
Didn't I tell you to pull your head out?
The Blue Fairy
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are there Smurfs under your pillow?
That brownie was a bad one.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who nailed all your shoes to the floor?
The stars are right.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean that all of Hollywood is a bunch of left-wing nut jobs? What about Charlton Heston and Arnold Schwarzenegger?
I've sworn off of Kleenex.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Why don't you just blow your nose?
Because it can
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did the can can-can?
An ice cold Coca Cola, a picnic hamper full of egg salad sandwiches, and a bucket of worms.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
What are you contributing to the Hatrack Fishing Trip?
Twenty-seven iced teas and five copies of It's a Wonderful Life.
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Are YOU prepared for Armageddon?
The hens are attacking!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Who egged your house?
They should have added toilet paper.
Posted by landybraine (Member # 10807) on :
What more could you want on a trip to the jungle?
Purple, I say! Purple!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Lemme get this straight -- you were rendered into a lobotomized state by a big, smarmy, singing, pink dinosaur?
Well of course it's high-tech. It's digital! Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Is your many-fingered monkey really high-tech?
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Uhhh as there is no answer.... let's go with a classic.
42
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, Tante, how old are you?
Kidding? Hardly.
Posted by landybraine (Member # 10807) on :
How many wipes will it take for Sheryl Crow to realize that ONE sheet just isn't enough?!
Well, for one, that turkey over there.
Posted by Epictetus (Member # 6235) on :
What makes you think $9.99 isn't a good deal for a large pizza?
Turtles are an important part of American Literature
Posted by landybraine (Member # 10807) on :
Ugg...my post was for 42...I was too slow.
What has that turtle ever done for you?
Live life like you are a mosquito.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Life sucks. Any advice?
A little lamb ate all my ivy.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Why are you going to the butcher's later?
You see my dear, now I have checkmate in eleven, instead of being condemned to a prison.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Admit it...you made that up...Where in the rules does it say that the Queen can be mounted by a Knight - even with the King's knowledge - as long as they have the Bishop's approval?
You have to read between the lines.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you recommend a good book about football?
Oh! Roderigo! Roderigo!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Who died?
I had to get a new cell number.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What did you do after Paris Hilton started calling you?
I apologize for bringing that up.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Isn't this the lunch you just ate?
Looks kind of like moo goo gai pan.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What would you call this dish that the Chef came up with last night: homosexual satyr on a bed of cow pats?
That one was below the belt.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Is that a cocktail frank in your pants, or are you just glad to see me, Tiny?
We're out back, in the shack with no roof.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
I'd like to come over for your squirrel and raccoon BBQ, where are you?
The candle melted on it.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
what happened to your hand?
six dwarves and a weasel
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Goodness! Whatever could have gotten into the garden?
Just add hot water.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How do you make six dwarves and a weasel soup?
Paint it white with black spots and call it cowmoflage.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do you envision the decor for the new steak house, "The Holstein Hideaway"?
Either Chez Panisse, or Shea Stadium.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where is your husband taking you for your 25th wedding anniversary?
I would rather go over Niagara Falls.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
wanna watch some golf?
The Mangina Monologue.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
What's the mootivational performance gonna be tonight at the GLBT conference?
About 3,756,821 less than yesterday's.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How's the yeast cell population in your experimental beer?
It bubbled over and I had to get rid of it.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Q: Now God, what did you do with that volcano you made?
A: Serious conversation isn't something I excel at.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
are you kidding me?
the dog ate it
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen my term paper on Alpo?
That's what they call people from Michigan, dear.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What are Yoopers, and what do they have in common with trolls and wolverines?
Buckeyes are nuts.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you mean that you've got a couple of buckeyes in your shorts?
A bouquet of poison ivy, delivered in a vase.
Posted by SenojRetep (Member # 8614) on :
Honey, do you think I should get my ex something for her birthday?
Plastics
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What's for dinner?
A sock monkey named Billy.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why is Billy's full name "William Banana Lambchop"?
It's been licked clean.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why is my refridgerator empty?
The dwarves robbed it.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you know what happened to my pocket edition of "His Dark Materials"?
I can't get rid of the smell.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Why are you trying to cut off your nose?
6,457,893
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Did they really patent a device to moisten bathroom tissue?
That's just silly, considering that it's going to get wet anyway.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you have a problem with me scotch-guarding my speedo's?
One can never be safe enough.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
Why are you wearing a body condom to the wedding?
I don't want another one either.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Is It me Or has this Become the thread that never ends?
Maybe We Should Get A life.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What should we spend our lottery winnings on?
a T-Rex ate it.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
What happened to the constitution?
My laptop is broken.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey, Santa, why won't you let any more kids sit on your lap for photos?
That's what's on the television.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Honey, didn't you say we were going to see an opera tonight?
Well, one of those people whose job starts with "ortho".
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
Class, who can tell me what "ortho" means in Latin?
Sticking her tongue out. Again. Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
OK, so how did Karen get stuck to the flagpole for the third time this week?
A zamboni and the Brooklyn Dodgers.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
What would be the kinkiest fantasy you've ever had?
I've been known as the Roy Orbison of origami.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are these paper cranes all wet?
You can use it for a purse.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why would i want to buy 500 dollar tape dispencer
Your papeer will be indestructable.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why should I put Armor-All on my papeer instead of on my tires?
Incomparable.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Who's cooler, me or Tante?
LargeTuna
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hi, I'm Tante and I'm your server today. What would you like to order?
Part wood, part donkey, just like Pinocchio.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
What are chicken nuggets made out of?
used lightbulb filaments
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's holding the logic of that argument together?
The admission does not make me proud.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Mazel Tov! I heard you got accepted to the Sam Houston Institute of Technology. How does it feel to be a matriculating S.H.I.T.-er?
On the knife's edge.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
What did i do with the cream cheese?
You ate it
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Where is this new prototype spy microchip of yours, and would you care for some Lay's?
The FedEx guy brought it in a huge crate.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you know if my large crate has arrived yet?
mind-numbingly banal.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
What did you call me?
a colinear point on the plane of strange
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What flight is Colin Point supposed to arrive on?
How can you forget that?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ah! Now it all makes sense! I must have amnesia!
Anti-Pasto or Pro-Valone?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what are the primary choices in Little Italy?
I give you a voting option you can not refuse.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why does this voting booth have only one lever and a door that locks from the outside?
Disintegrators don't have a stun setting.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
It's just not fair! Why do the segregationists have to be so drop-dead gorgeous?
Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Why do I have to live outside?
Well, I painted the ladder purple, and things just started going downhill from there.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why did you come to the self help for painters meeting?
I painted my computer.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do YOU think that you lost the "Pimp My Firetruck" competition?
Because I said so, that's why.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: Why do YOU think that you lost the "Pimp My Firetruck" competition?
Because I said so, that's why.
Oops! Too late!
Why do YOU think that you lost the "Pimp My Laptop" competition?
Because I said so, that's why!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why is there this light in the middle of a former void, God?
Even when we reach cruising altitude, that's not permitted.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Why can't I cruise for chicks on the plane?
It's expected, but not appreciated.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Why does the sun rise every morning?
Eat my own young.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
If you aren't joining us for egg foo yung, what are you going to do for dinner?
I'm trying to determine if it will dissolve in water.
Posted by JumboWumbo (Member # 10047) on :
Why are you shooting your scuba-tank with a squirt-gun?
Security gave it the all-clear.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Can anyone tell me why they let robey back on this sight?
What first goes down will not stay down with out a good swift kick to the head.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you trying to train swifts to plant cabbages?
It lit up when I put in a new fuse.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What happened to your cannon?
66 Sunset Strip
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I've got nothing; Does Sunset's pair of deuces take the hand, then?
The point is to leave options.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You want fries with that?
Just like the Mayor of the Munchkin City.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you have any more specific instructions than that I should welcome the Queen of England "most regally"?
Neglect didn't kill it, so I'm trying a more direct approach.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
why are you putting c4 explosives on the tomato plant?
1 dozen twinkies
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
So you only got twelve pieces in your small McFry. What exactly did you expect?
Ding-Dong. Ho-Ho. Nutty Buddy!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Dipsy Doodle?
I'm waiting until it comes out on DVD.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Are you ever going to open your new DVD player's manual to get it working?
The notice is here somewhere.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why wasn't I informed about the "let there be light!" business?
It must be true if I can see it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Pink elephants finished off the last of the whiskey?
Jingle around the block.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's the Prison Guards' favorite Christmas lyric?
I've had it in the freezer since last Christmas.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
what did you do with santas body?
orange
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know how glad I am that you didn't say "banana"?
All you need is a dollar and a dream.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Should I be nervous that, having expressed your loathing for humanity, you're now heading to the top of the Empire State Building with a jar full of pennies?
Excessively long questions are the sign of a sick mind.
Posted by Pegasus (Member # 10464) on :
What?
I could stand to hear a little more.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
quote:Originally posted by Pegasus: What?
Bravo.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Johnny, what's your last name?
Frozen chili peppers.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What happened to the RHCP after performing in Siberia?
(For Pegasus: These people have been giving you a standing ovation for over thirty minutes, don't you think it's time to let the curtain drop?)
Over-exposure is an ugly thing.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which is the more disturbing image -- Bea Arthur naked or Wilfred Brimley doing a striptease?
For some values of "nitpicking".
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
When is "nit-picking" written with a hyphen?
Just one.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
how many Lay's potato chips did you eat?
that's what she said
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Are you hoping I'll say something you can turn into a double entendre?
Just press the button and stand back.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the worst advice your parents ever gave you?
Only if you come to my poetry reading.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
can you think of anything more boring?
my dog ate it
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
Dude, what happened to your hand?
Only if you bring the food.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Shabbaton at your place?
Cracks me the heck up, it does.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Did you hear about that LDS drug house that got busted last week?
Oh. My. Heck.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what did your son Hector have to say about his deep-woods camping trip when you picked him up last week?
Worst "Secret Santa" ever.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Have you seen the new Ninja Klaus Action Figure?
My bladder is going to burst.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Dude, why are your eyes turning yellow?
Honey, I got us tickets to the theater!
Posted by adfectio (Member # 11070) on :
Why are you putting on chain mesh underwear?
Yes, I was, once upon a time.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Aren't you that guy who used to write fairy tales?
It's for the ribbon cutting ceremony.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why are you running with scissors? And ribbon?
I downloaded it as my new ringtone.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What are you going to do to overcome your aversion to "Grandma got run over by a reindeer"?
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What did that damn cat say, again? The song is stuck in my head.
It's in the back, on the left.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
I hear you gave away a kidney. Where's your remaining one?
The world changes, yet some things remain the same.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
208 pages of fluff! Why has this game managed to last so long?
Three yellow highlighters.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Three Wise Men, Three French Hens and, um, what was the last part of that trinity?
Pop!
Posted by Shawshank (Member # 8453) on :
What are you doing to that weasel?
It's a story of true romance.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why do you love The Princess Bride so much?
I hear Tante is the best question beggar.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who rocks at Begging the Question?
I do! I do!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Anyone here qualified to perform a do-wop duet?
I'm resolved to revolve.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why is your New Year's resolution so revolutionary?
That was easy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you misspell "Anonymous"? Backwards?
That's what the fourth little pig built his house with.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What exactly is that "kryptonite" you are talking about?
Not everything is based on English.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why on earth would you build a city on rock and roll?
None of them were built for it, but it works.
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
Are you sure those robots can bring down Godzilla?
He just thought it was weird.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you review the "i before e, except after c" spelling rule?
Back when you dialed a phone with an actual dial.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
My phone company is really lazy ... When did you actually sent me this text message "I'm a genius"?
That's not that long ago.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you know that when I was your age, we didn't have iPods -- we had 8-tracks?
Hoppin' John.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Did you know kangaroo Jack's cousin?
That guy from Outback who sneezed into the peanuts
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who put the "cough" in "coffee"?
Tylenol, chicken soup, and a backrub.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Tante, what's your idea of a hot date?
The fourteenth Duke of Wimbim.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who was responsible for the unfortunate death of the thirteenth Duke of Wimbim?
Exit stage right, pursued by a bear.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
What did Governor Richardson do after his latest faux pas?
Party like it's 1999.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
What is the only option left for a diminutive pop star whose ego is larger than himself?
Salvation lies within.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Does salvation really tell the truth within?
I show remarkable restraint.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why haven't you passed 10.000 posts yet?
It's just a number.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
42?
It's just an idea.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How'd you get that lightbulb over your head to shine?
That's what they said to Thomas Jefferson.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Should we have your head on a platter or a nickel?
A nickel is just too small.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
If I put a nickel on the railroad track, will the train de-rail?
That wasn't in the original.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Did you like the song and dance number with the dwarves and Smaug the dragon from the new Hobbit trailer?
I carried it in a bucket.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
How did that baby panda get into my office?
All the rain in the world wouldn't wash that away.
Posted by String (Member # 6435) on :
What can I do about the shame I feel for going to an Ace of Base concert in the 90's?
Then he put grapes on the mouse trap and Thor flushed the toilet.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So tell me again what happened after your friend gave you the brown acid at Woodstock?
Actually, I was just dreaming I was having a flashback.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What are grapes, a mouse trap and Thor doing in the bathroom with a baby panda, a nickel and a lightbulb?
Now the Lolrus will be looking for you.
Posted by String (Member # 6435) on :
(this is my fault, so I've got one answer for both.)
oh god, you don't know my future do you?!?
Hey, It's a good read.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do they have a list of ingredients and nutritional information on the back of the bottled water?
Stairmaster, Thighmaster, Ticket Master.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Which products are depicted on the next page, Master?
They mostly come out at night... mostly.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Are you sure you have three children?
It's not what I want, it's what I need.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You want fries with that?
Are-Eee-Ess-Pea-Eee-See-Tea: find out what it means to me.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Hmm, Tante, why are you wearing that Aretha Fanklin costume?
It's the length.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Two inches? That's not your girth, is it?
The Fonz.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Wow, you really named that part of your body? What's the name?
No name is sometimes better.
Posted by Rake (Member # 9195) on :
Should i call my pet bear Acrementadg or Defendorba?
I think that was a good idea
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What you you think about crowning Tante the Queen of Hatrack?
About as much as an egg white omelette.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Do you have a healthy sense of humour?
It sounds a lot more serious than it is.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The bird flew from China?
When I was your age, we didn't have teenagers.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So were things easier in any way when you were young, Grandpa?
Burning, stinging, sweating profusely, delusions of grandeur...
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What did the guys get for you at your bachelor party?
In a pot, nine days old.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
So how did you spend your early childhood?
I was born in a crossfire hurricane.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
You look flash, Jack... but why are you jumping?
I live in a cemetery, full of good will and integrity.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How's your new job working the graveyard shift?
I quit cold turkey.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Mortimer, do you realize just how much you insulted Mrs. Van der Shnoot by your refusal to take one of her tea sandwiches?
I wanna go live in a lighthouse with Lampy and Nora and....siiiiiing!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
[In writing:] Now that you lost your hearing, what are your plans?
Silence, at least.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Can you name me one advantage of living alone?
Get down now, if you can hear me.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's this, a goose that lays golden eggs?
I traded it for some magic beans.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Did you eat the last of the magic corn pone?
All my furniture is missing.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
But how do you know she is a redecorating witch?
Take them to the Food Lion.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How do we get the people in the impoverished districts off the soup lines?
Just one too many cats.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's "hell" for you?
It was raining cats and dogs.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you give me an example of a cliche that makes no sense at all?
You're going to need a bigger box.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What can I do if I can't think outside the box?
Space is an illusion.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Do you know why there never seems to be enough space?
Speak like a child.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What did your baby daughter learn from your father in law?
You're young as long as you ask questions.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Does this dress make me look old?
Piteously, on bended knee.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
How did you fix the church's door knob?
Flotation devices are self explantory.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Why did you stop watching the flight attendant's safety demonstration?
Clearing her throat didn't work.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why did u give her cpr?
I truly thought she was drowning
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why did you take the teddy bear out of the washing machine?
No. It's a flying car.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a frog? (A frog?)
Microwave on high for 3 minutes.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What curious accident gave that frog its super powers?
Kids, don't try this at home.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the best name for my Public Service Announcement?
My shoes are number nine.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
How many clothing items did you lose playing strip poker?
Just give it another coat of paint and no one will ever know.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
You stole the Emerald City's Horse of a Different Color??
When I was a kid, I really thought that's what they did.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
You really told your children that Santa's reindeers can fly because they ate the grass on Superman's lawn?
Kids would believe anything.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Would you call me naive for growing up with the belief that we could all live in peace together?
Some humble bums.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
What maketh that mumble rumble?
An industrial sized marraca.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do you call that used car you got off the internet?
Quantum Mechanics.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Fie! My quantum has broken down. Who can I call?
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What's with all the footnotes in your scriptures?
Im not excessively proud of it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why is this beautiful golden raspberry gathering dust on your mantle?
Like a double handful of thumbtacks on a twenty-story staircase.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Fine! If you think "Like rain on your wedding day" isn't actually irony, what would you suggest instead, smartypants?
Drunk penguins.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Wow are those Nuns that are reeling about oer there?
I put it back and ran off.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, you being the greatest surgeon in the world and all, what did you do that time when operating on that patient and you dropped his brain on the floor?
Mine is attached with rusty nails.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Good Lord, what keeps the bottom from falling out of this rusty old boat of yours we're on?
I see a solution; you're not gonna like it.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how can you test your new torture-o-tron if Im the only one who is allowed to know about it?
Touching it is out of the question.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, it turns out that infestation wasn't termites after all, but The Blob... Any notion how to get rid of The Blob?
That's how the yogurt ended up on the ceiling.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, does your Lego catapult work?
It should fall any moment now.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why do you have a curtain attached to your ceiling?
It was a joint venture.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Has anyone seen my dairy-product launching mangonel?
It looks real under artificial light.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
What do you mean when you say that your imaginary friend is semi-real?
That was really green.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
What do you think of the breakfast I just made you, Sam I am?
Denial is much more fun.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why won't you call me Daniel?
Exactly 23.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Psst! Suzy! What do you get if you divide two by three?
Quiet! I heard one move!
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Are you sure these zombies are just waxworks?
I put the lime in the coconut an' drank it all up.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Can you think of anything you might have consumed that would cause such a strong laxative effect?
This isn't going to get better if you scratch it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What can I do to improve my billiards skilz?
A little castor oil will do the trick.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
How do you expect me to swallow that unreasonable explanation you just gave me, about beavers using oil for their dams?
That's only because it's shiny.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
If they aren't aliens or government agents, then why did those crows attack me and steal my tinfoil hat?
But you said I needed new software for my computer.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you sitting in front of your terminal in a suit of day-glow foam rubber?
But it's certainly crunchy.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How can you ever manage to sleep on a bed of lettuce?
It has three corners.
Posted by Luv2ReadProductions (Member # 11502) on :
Did you just say the triangle has three quarters?
First squeeze here, then it will come out on that end.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Is this a fluff thread or a thread for fluffers?
That turns out not to be the case.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
CAN YOU HEAR ME BETTER WHEN I TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE?
Head of cabbage, hearts of palm, and kidney beans.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, what's the Scarecrow's new girlfriend like?
That's what it takes to be elected to the position.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Why would you suggest that I should paint my entire body with permanent green paint?
It's not worth it.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
World peace, on a two-for-one at Woolworths!
Knit one, pearl three.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
what's the score of the knit pearl game?
koolade man told me to.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you get everything you see advertised on TV?
I've been alive forever and I wrote the very first song.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
So, how do you know so much about the silmarils?
All you need is a seed.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What do I need to do to start an onanism thread?
Earmuffs.
Posted by Luv2ReadProductions (Member # 11502) on :
How can anyone sit through an entire Rod Stewart concert?
Bar soap and charcoal.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do these black and white cookies taste so nasty?
Two geishas and one kimono.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What would I need to offer you to make up for those awful cookies?
But he's been doing it for decades, now!
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Aren't you over-reacting a bit, for one lousy TV your uncle just defenestrated?
After all, the window was open.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I am at a loss to explain why Opportunity didn't knock once, as it is wont to do, could you perhaps enlighten me?
Before this I was more stable by far.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Hey, Fred, didn't you have room for eight horses before your owners rennovated you?
Safe to say that's what the problem is.
Posted by happysmiley (Member # 9703) on :
THERE'S A BOMB IN THE DRAIN! how did that get there?
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is that an exclamation point at the end of your question?
It might help if you would re-read the instructions.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know the way to San Jose?
tick-tick-tick
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Are these ticks, or watermelon seeds?
I'll bet I can spit them farther than you can.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Is there anything ELSE you can say about ping pong balls that is designed to make you look superior?
The Liliputians are upset, but they'll get over it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How did Gulliver's performance of 'Short People' go over?
My kung-fu is strong.
Posted by talsmitde (Member # 9780) on :
Why do you feel that you're qualified to be Vice President of marketing?
The trombone met an untimely demise.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What happened after the swordfish fell into the orchestra pit?
Until the sea turns into sand.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How long do you think the "Begging the Question" thread will go on?
It sucks the electrons clean out of the battery.
Posted by C3PO the Dragon Slayer (Member # 10416) on :
Why did they bioengineer this new species of armadillo?
My optical mouse is stuck under the sofa.
Posted by talsmitde (Member # 9780) on :
What are you swearing at your track pad?
The spilled honey has congealed.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why are you just standing there holding that stolen beehive and letting all those bees sting you?
It will probably be a little puffy for a few days.
Posted by Threads (Member # 10863) on :
Why is this called "Begging the Question"?
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Are you just going to sit there in silence?
Beans and rice for breakfast, beans and rice for lunch, beans and rice for dinner...
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's the alternative to the college's food service plan on my budget?
One of those things you run across while cleaning, I guess.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
So how did you feel about finding your aunt's body in your guest room closet?
Thankfully, it's adjustable.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What's with the bear trap on your leg?
Cool ranch Doritos and Yoo Hoo.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did Homeland Security think you were trying to blow up the plane with?
Sugary and savory, with subtle undertones of ipecac.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's that guy in lederhosen yodeling about?
It's very accurate, and also edible in an emergency.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why would you bring a spell check update to a camping trip?
i NEEdz iT baddLy.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why should we approve your requisition for a new keyboard, Mr. Johnson?
My colleague has generously volunteered not only to answer that, but to accept the inevitable blame.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
My sister has a blister. My brother has another.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Why does your kin have trouble walkin'?
A place in the rain.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
For all intents and purposes? What is the purpose of being in tents?
Four cups.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What exactly is a "quark", anyway?
I think you're deliberately misunderstanding.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
When did you say we are going on a road trip?
Stupid Finals.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
whats an escuse to fail people
purple elephants
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Whosh the guysh in the corner who bought me thish drink?
Consider it an attempt to end discussion.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What is 'It is what it is'?
We used to call those 'settlers'.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What's that stuff on the bottom of your glass?
IT'S FOGGY, THAT'S WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by rollainm (Member # 8318) on :
And why, exactly, did you decide to park in my living room?
Fine, but I'm going to need at least...7 Q-tips.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Hey, buddy, can you help with this oil spill?
@&#%*@@#$&^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did you put in the address line that caused the e-mail to come back as undeliverable?
An inordinate number of pointy bits.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's the difference between a porcupine and a hedgehog?
Well it wasn't there until just before you sat down.
Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :
Where's Schrdinger's rocking chair?
A wicker throne for a pagan king.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You majored in basket weaving? What's the final exam like?
As much fun as a bad head cold.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How much fun is it to hold a cad's bead?
It's more like a tool for scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Oh cool a gun, I assume this is for shooting fish in a barrel?
There are many different kinds of love, that's not one of them.
Posted by rollainm (Member # 8318) on :
Ever been to a donkey show?
Nope.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you no what you call a negative dope?
Late for dinner.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did you call me?!
That ought to bring 'em in.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Did you finish making the fried dung beetles?
14mm stud.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey Nick, do they call you a big stud?
Well, that's a crying shame.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you heard that they're going to make a musical version of The Crying Game?
It was supposed to be a surprise.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why would you hide me in a pinata?
relax, the scars will probably heal.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey how's Simba's uncle?
Hakuna Matada.
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
Why do you keep watching the lion king over and over?
The DVR didn't record man vs wild Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Why are you sending nasty letters to your cable company?
I've been gone for a while.
Posted by rollainm (Member # 8318) on :
Were you aware there's a tree growing in your hallway?
You just have to kick it...really hard.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what was in the unpublished fourth verse to "Whip It"?
Hey, I was born for this.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
How come you are so proficient at passing time alone?
I agree, it wasn't one my best.
Posted by Griffin (Member # 7166) on :
Q: I would had liked to see higher test scores. A: Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Q: What's this new form of headbanging I hear is popular at emo concerts?
A: It's the vinegar.
Posted by C3PO the Dragon Slayer (Member # 10416) on :
How did you get your French Horn to sound so good?
You know, unlimited power, etcetera, etcetera.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is Al Gore so into wind turbines and solar panels?
I don't think that's what "BMW" stands for.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Do you like my new car? It's made by Blind Magnetic Weasels.
That's why she had to buy a new wig.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Her old wig was chewed by blind magnetic weasels?
It's re-usable, but you'll never re-use it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What makes these disposable diapers so eco-friendly, anyway?
Not Ivy League -- more like Poison Ivy League.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What kind of Ivy League college features courses in megalomania, biotoxin synthesis, and seduction?
He was flattered, then flattened.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
What was his reaction when he heard that a Rock Golem had a crush on him?
It wasn't exactly treason, more a change of tactics.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why did you ship a boatload of tictacs to Iraq?
Nope. Not dead. Just in an extended hibernation.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Is Paris Hilton's political career dead?
One can only wish it is so, pray for it to be so, and carry a fully loaded sniper rifle with you at all times just in case it isn't so.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So is your starship definitely free of Tribbles?
It's three months past the expiration date.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How long have you been waiting to exhale, anyway?
That's my sign.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Aren't you concerned that it's raining frogs?
Sorry, I thought you were on fire.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Would you mind getting the hot dog and marshmallow out of my face?
It's obviously not the original size.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How did you manage to fit "War and Peace" on a postage stamp?
When the convulsions hit, we'll begin the dance number.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Director, what is my cue for the big scene in "Epilepsy, the Musical?"
Kick, one, two, Jazz-Hands and Feint.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
What was that move that Robin in the Hood just pulled?
The jackrabbit in tights.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you have a cucumber in your shorts?
No thank you -- it just makes me sneeze.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Pickled pepper, Mr. Piper?
I'm certain that someone wanted the process automated.
Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
Why can't I put on my own pants?
It itches, that's why.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Why are you scratching that extremely hairy little person?
Well, it doesn't bode well for a happy ending.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
EVERYBODY DIES?!
Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, doorknob.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Do you like books title, "How I became a tortured, pox-ridden, cadaverous worm of a man and a blight on all of decent society."
I think I would prefer something simple like "I stink"
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Curses! How will we ever find our way out of this darkend storeroom full of savoury preserves???
It's all in the wrist action.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
How would a wrist fetishist explain his affinity for digital watch advertisements?
It's certainly not the rubber band.
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
Hey, this is great music! Who is this?
That's why they call it glue, nimrod.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
I say, Holmes, why does this clue seem to have me adhered to the bannister?
A hatchet job in every sense.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What position are you hoping for, Mr Voorhees?
I told you five times already, NO!
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
Can I eat your brains?
Gargantuan Orangutans!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the name of that new Ben & Jerry's flavor you're so crazy about?
Red ripe tomatoes.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
You assaulted the President with what?
Should have used the overripe ones.
Posted by Reticulum (Member # 8776) on :
Didn't you realize that simply planting ripe pumpkins in the ground wouldn't grow more?
Fine, but I shall need One million miniature party hats.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why do you show up to work with such a bad cold? Why not just host a germ party?
South for the winter.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Where are those Africanized killer bees headed?
Killing me wont bring back your damn honey.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
Don't you realize that it is against the law to resist hymonoptric restitution?
Of course not, it's only mildly annoying.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
DDDaysh, does the stammering embarrass you?
Scotch tape and Scotch whisky.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
I lost my epilator. Until I replace it, I could really use a quick and cheap alternative. Any recommendations?
The Anvilanian National Anthem.
[ December 04, 2008, 03:43 AM: Message edited by: Eduardo St. Elmo ]
Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
What's the most boring song you can think of?
It's much safer this way.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
What shoudl I use to clean my car pool?
A brisk going over with a stiff bristled brush.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
What made all your hair fall out?
Yes I did.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Who let the dogs out?
That's the question on everyone's lips.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Hey, what are you all eating?
The butler did it.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Hey! Who cleaned my crime scene?
They were never designed for that, and frankly, I'm curious why they sell them.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Want to realllllly enjoy my "Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 Quiditch Broom" with real vibrating-flying action?
That is not a clean-sweep.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How'd that chimney sweep get so filthy if he hasn't even been up a chimney yet?
Snap, crackle, pop, ding.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Can you name the Original Rice Krispies guys, before the fourth member was cut from the group?
A commemorative plaque.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
What did you end up getting according to your divorce settlement?
I prefer to refer to him as "Sparky."
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Is your infant child, who I'll call Dave, reeling and slightly on fire from sticking a metal fork into a power outlet?
That would just prove my point - kids are resilient.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Are you the proud parent of that bouncing baby boy.
I'm going for the three pointer.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which girl would you rather date -- the one with two extra fingers on each hand or the one with two missing fingers on each hand?
Fresh figs.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I'll poison him with alliterative fruit! Effuencing elderberries! Horrible hawthorn! Ghastly grapes! What else?
376 next birthday.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
How many kumquats are you going to eat to celebrate?
It was flying fine, until we engaged the turbo haddock.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What caused you to fishtail and then spin out?
Split Pea.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
The Wayback machine has broken down and we seem to have a mongol horde descending on us; any suggestions, boy Sherman?
Obscure reference for the win.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
I need something to cure my reference for the win, what would you recomend?
Garbanzo!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What's the male version of the chick pea?
Quarter to three.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
We have a beheading on the field at two; when should we schedule the drawing-and-quartering?
Bunny ears do not make that cute.
Posted by kanelock (Member # 10982) on :
Isn't Quasimodo adorable?
I told you so.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Do, Re, Me, Fa, Snark, La, Ti, Do?
Look, its Pinky.
Posted by lol_kitteh (Member # 11664) on :
What did Lenin's "friends" say whenever he came into the room?
I saw it on the radio.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
So where was the burning bush?
He's coming, he's always coming. But he never gets here.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
When is Santa Claus coming?
I said it wasn't purple.
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
Have you ever seen the rain?
Masked crusaders working overtime
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Who burnt down the Holy Land this week?
I blame that burning bush over there.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Of all the politicians burned in effigy this evening, which do you think was the one that whipped the crowd of onlookers into such a riotous frenzy?
Nope, that's Sarah Palin.
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Hey! Is that Nana Mouskouri over there?
There's no I in team.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you get eliminated in the first round of the spelling bee?
The color purple.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
What rhymes with epidermal?
Who are you? Who-who, who-who?
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you really want to know?
Jump, jive, and then you wail.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
So let me get this stright-- we're supposed to hurtle spears at a large mammal while we dance?
It was a LOVELY violet.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
So what did your appendix look like when they took it out?
Cold, wrinkled, and dead
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Hows that McCain Campaign doing in Michigan?
About as good as could be expected under the terminal circumstances.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
So, Herr Eichmann, how do you like your chamber?
Pimple, pimple, little brat, Why the BEEP are you so fat? On my face, you piece of BEEP, You perpetually just sit.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Could you give an example of this observed declining quality in teen angst poetry?
I was expecting a nod at Derrida.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
What's the difference between differance?
The answer lies in the Umpa Lumpas and Mein Kampf.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What do you mean when you say "The Fourth Reich will be short, orange, and mighty?"
(I resisted a couple of answers that were arguably funnier, but in bad taste...)
Society frowns on such forms of venture capitalism.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
If the Umpa Lumpa genocide goes through as planned, you all make a pretty, So what's the problem?
(I was afraid I killed begging the question by being an English major.)
I'm sorry.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Why did you brutally commit genocide againse the Umpa Lumpas?
I drink therefore I am.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Is that you DesCartes de Drunk?
No, its Walden the Wino
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wow, looks like Bozo the Clown has fallen on some tough times, huh?
That's what she said.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Did you just say "Nah, easier giving up all physique, and focussing on the mind. Body decays, but mind stays in the collective human repository of metaphysics. Kant, not c***." or what?!
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So, what is it like beyond the event horizon of a black hole?
I see a little silhouetto of a man.
Posted by lol_kitteh (Member # 11664) on :
WUT DO U C IN DA TAROT CARDZ?
FLUFFY, ADORABLE, AN LAWTS OV TROUBLE.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What were the names of the three little kittens of lost mitten fame?
Well, there's always bacon.
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Your majesty, who can we get to write a whole bunch of plays under a pseudonym to enhance England's reputation?
Much ado about nothing.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So what are you going to title your memoir about Nader's 2008 presidential run?
Pick it up and run with it.
Posted by Trent Destian (Member # 11653) on :
Now Timmy, do you remember what daddy said about his soldering iron?
Well dance of course! Dance like a nut, shake about and spit as you sing!
Posted by Dav (Member # 8217) on :
What's the best way of conveying my enthusiasm for a job during the interview?
I didn't know it would cost so much.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You promised us amusing outings and tea parties on the ceiling if we went with the Nanny State thing, so how come all we got was the bank going bust?
I am the Ghost of Yontif Past.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Oy, who's the kvetching schlemiel in the white robes?
Armageddon is the party platform.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
What answer killed the Begging the Question thread?
That's a recipe for disaster.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
Sugar and spice and a handful of lice.
Why did the chicken cross the toad?
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
ahhhhhhhhhhh Mr.Y the question goes first! I guess I'll try to post .. i'm ... So .. Confused ... (I think I'm overreacting)
Which discount shampoo distributer do you use?
It will allmost work.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
Will MAD keep the nukes from falling?
The blueberry seed, duh!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So how do we get more Smurfs, exactly...?
Jug, kazoo, and theremin. Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You're a one-man marching band? Exactly what instruments do you march with?
Not now, I'm about to sneeze.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
Eskimo kiss, anyone?
Even games with simple rules can be difficult at first.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You broke your arm playing Solitaire?
Totally unacceptable attire for a Rottweiler.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Did you see the outfit I picked out for Jezebel?
7
[ July 16, 2009, 07:49 AM: Message edited by: RivalOfTheRose ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I find it hard to believe that you shot him 6 times with a revolver by accident.
Only two exes.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
How would you rate my beautiful backside?
That would be on the Richter scale.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Worst blind date ever! I thought you said she was a Perfect 10?!
Sorta like a donut, but without sprinkles.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
What is a bagel?
With the power of soul, anything is possible.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Why do you hum James Brown songs while scratchin' your lottery tickets?
That'll cost you extra.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
"Kristen, can I have the special?" - Former Governor Spitzer
(Dead, I got that from Hendrix's band of gypsies!)
All I've got is these cheeseburgers, man.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
How's the food up there in Paradise?
Ask the great Pink one.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Fishman, can you defeat the sardine armies of your enemy Dr. Baitntackle?
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What's a sure way to kill the Begging the Question thread?
It was all kind of spongy, so I threw it out.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Where did you put my Spongebob doll?!?
Yes, but I sure don't want to.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
Grr, timing!
Can you tell the difference between athlete's foot and that under-nail fungus by smell?
Kathmandu, but only on the weekends.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Are there any good clubs in Trenton, NJ?
I am sure Danny Elfman wouldn't want to.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Who has nothing better to do with their time than come to a 21st anniversary Beetlejuice reunion?
C-3PO and R2D2 have H1N1.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Whats the latest Science Fiction channel movie--that disaster/robot thing?
(ps. Sorry about the error in my earlier post. Apparently when my computer got turned off, it posted what it shouldn't have.)
Johnny Socko's Robot Eats Cleveland.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
What was the name of that band who played at Warped Tour last year?
Wait, let me get my flash drive.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Do you have something I can store these low-light photos on?
Appropriate for every occasion, alas, but this one.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
I was thinking about appropriating either a lad or a lass for some occasions, but I'm having a hard time figuring out exactly who and which - can you help without fussing too much with the spelling, spacing, grammar and punctuation?
I can't really tell, but I think it's green.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
But who did it in the conservatory with the lead pipe?
Clue CSI only has one room.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
How many rooms does Clue CSI have?
I don't know, ask George Harrison.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Which is greater, the number of surviving Golden Girls or the number of surviving Beatles?
Usually the tortoise, sometimes the hare.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What keeps clogging up the shower drain?
Drano with a lemon twist.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Any suggestions for something to unblock my sinuses?
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why do you have that white Styrofoam head sitting there?
He just wigged out.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
OMG Becky!!! What happened when you told him that you are pregnant!
It doesn't matter if you win or lose, but how the cookie crumbles.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
How did you do in the Pillsbury Bake-Off?
It's also good with shredded carrots.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
Any flavouring suggestions for this Turtle soup?
It used to be longer.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Would you touch that line with a 9 foot pole.
He was the forward on the Polish Olympic basketball team.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Didn't your boss at the Olympic Wood Polish factory use to be some kind of athlete?
Thank you for making yourself available as a scapegoat.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
John G. Roberts: Are you prepared to take the Oath, Senator? Barack Obama: I am.
Some people call me the gangster of love.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Did you just blackmail Cupid?
That would be Venus envy.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
Why is earth staring at her sister like that?
Haha, nope!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
So this video link you sent me has girls doing some kind of ball-and-cups illusion, right?
I'm struggling to come up with a sufficiently nasty way to express my gratitude.
Posted by daventor (Member # 11981) on :
So, you talked to Chad since he told your mother-in-law what you really think of her?
Don't look at me. It was the emu's idea!
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
Who made that coffee?
The hairballs are all over his back.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
How did your friend's hair transplant go?
Your euphoria seems unwarranted.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Why does it bother you so much to see me happy?
It's only 5 bucks.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Is it true you're charging admission to your stag party?
They have all the anthers.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Why do you have all the P's?
To many Q's.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why did you cut your Q & A session short?
Just half is plenty.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Would you like one of my Good & Plentys?
You had better explain how it got there in the first place.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
My Where's Waldo book is somewhere in this crowded carnival; can you help me find it?
I've got a tap-and-die set.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
What do I need to learn to audition for "Lord of the Dance?
Don't ask me, ask the ukulele.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you know my dog has fleas?
Alpha bravo, Charlie.
Posted by daventor (Member # 11981) on :
What did that Army Ranger name his kid?
It feels warm in my tummy.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
How did your first shot of Bacardi 151 taste?
Damn, that's smooth.
[ August 04, 2009, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: RivalOfTheRose ]
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Did you know his car is so black, it's frictionless?
I'm 'a frayed. Sew!
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
What did the old blanket say to the creepy weaver?
Pie, not pi!
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
What is the square root of my tummy?
No, but I hate my job.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Dear Lord, of all the books of the bible, is Leviticus your least favorite?
It is actually the exact same size as a bread box.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did you say that caused him to storm off saying "I'm never playing 'twenty questions' with you again"?
I bet you didn't know you could do that with marzipan.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
How'd you get pregnant?
Yeast rises to the occasion.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
What's that bulge?
A tour of tots!
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What's there to do in Idaho, anyway?
A pan-fried pancetta pandemic.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Tell me, you villainous Professor P, what is your plan to destroy the world?
It involves two thousand rabid marmosets and a paranoid armadillo.
Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
Where do babies come from?
It's supposed to be that color.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Why is the color so messed up in the Kansas scenes on my Wizard of Oz DVD?
That's what they say on the Hermit Crab Forum.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Don't be shellfish, why don't you share you shell?
Maybe Buddha would know.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Waiter, what's in the "Buddha's Delight"?
There are lots of them, you just can't see them.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
How many "fnords" are there in the newspaper?
It's two TABLEspoons of Worcestershire Sauce.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Why oh why do my eggs benedict taste like they're missing something?
Careful with that axe Eugene...
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What were the last words of the inventor of eugenics?
You, Hugh, and a ewe.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Wait, you're not a homosexual, you're a homophonesexual? Well then, who would you date?
I always keep one in my lunchbox, for emergencies.
[ September 02, 2009, 01:40 AM: Message edited by: Tante Shvester ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Where'd that crossbow come from?!?
Steals from the poor and gives to the rich.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
What's Robin Hood been up to since he went into politics?
I don't think that rule applies to you.
Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :
Damn, it's after Labor Day. Where's my black KKK robe?
Whoa, too much vaseline.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What did he say before he slipped and fell in the tub?
But it's all I want for Christmas!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why do you think I'd let you punch out my two front teeth?
The round, spinny thing.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Only when I cry.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
Is spilled milk frequently a problem around this house?
I'm not concerned about the implications, I just need something to hit it with!
Posted by kanelock1 (Member # 12230) on :
Your dog can talk!? Do you know what that means?
Hey! Put down that gopher!
Posted by Dogbreath (Member # 11879) on :
Wanna see me do a magic trick with the blender?
Wearing pants would improve the situation.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Well Mr. Disney, what do you think of my duck drawing?
It quacks me up.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
What was it about the Aflac commercial that made you decide to go with their insurance?
But on the positive side, no trees were killed in its making.
Posted by Dogbreath (Member # 11879) on :
Have you thought through the negative consequences of printing your book on the skin of your flayed victims?
Well, there were a lot of tears.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
How did aunt Betty respond to the onion chopping therapy?
Fourteen or fifteen on weekends. No more than eleven during the week.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
How many potatoes can your oven bake?
The door is hanging askew.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
And what's wrong with that door, I ask 'ew?
Blather. Blintz. Re-bleat.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
What are the directions for washing a live goat on that detergent bottle?
I didn't think anyone would be so offended by a bowl of cereal. . .
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why did you put out Lucky Charms at the Irish American Heritage Society meeting?!?
Whew, that was a tough one!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
How did that shoe taste?
No matter how skillfull the wizard a knife in the back will always cramp his style.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Hey thief, aren't you afraid of going up against Elminster?
That's why they call me neckbeard!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Is That Your chesthair?
Shmoos are delicious.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Now, let's get this from the intergalactic beings mouth; Galactus, what was your favorite planet to devour?
Trix are for kids, ***********.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
What did Bruce Willis say in that new action movie, when he shot the guy eating cereal?
I guess she should have cut the green wire.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What do you think is the most inappropriate thing to put on Officer Mill's tombstone?
Okay, but I want payment -upfront-!
Posted by Brian J. Hill (Member # 5346) on :
Marek, could you please resurrect the "Begging the question" thread?
I've never see so much cannabis in one place!
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
What do you think about the new landscaping on our interstate highways?
I've never seen so many cannibals in one place!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why did you run screaming from the stack of national geographics?
Wolverine wearing a tutu.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What is the scariest, girly thing you can think of?
Seventeen.
Posted by Emreecheek (Member # 12082) on :
How many times have you pleasured a man in a public restroom?
Never again, but I think about it every once in a while.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
So Wendy, will you go visit Peter Pan on vacation, or do you ever want to see your real family again.
What is a real family anyway?
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Do amnesia victims long for their real family?
I tried to remember, but I forgot!
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Have you ever tried to renew your Jatraquero Membership?
Joining gets you a cool t-shirt.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
So if I join your cult I will have to give up all my money and shortly after commit suicide?
I have -never- pleasured a man in a public restroom!
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
What would be the most blatant lie you could tell me?
Sometimes I like to walk backwards.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
How did you get all those bruises on your back?
That guy with the cane can actually run really fast if you take his wallet.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What's your new exercise program for the elderly?
Set the room to 70 and put the thermostat on the other side of an obstacle course.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
How to make a Canadian obese girlfriend really hot?
This is by far the wisest and most intelligent question I have ever heard. Yes, by all means, yes!
Posted by Wendybird (Member # 84) on :
Is Obi-Wan Kenobi really our only hope?
Sometimes its blue but really its mostly purple and orange.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What color is Rorschach Smurf?
He is the smurfiest color of smurf.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
How do you know he overdosed bentyl?
First you inhale it, than you can try to do the other weird thing with it, if you know what I mean.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Any advice for president Clinton about cigars?
Might as well use your willy, you'll get caught either way.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Should I sign the Oompa Loompa Enslavement Order as "Mr. Wonka" or just "Your Friend Willy"
That last one sounds like a Disney show involving a killer whale and a small orphaned boy who solve crimes at sea.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why did no one read my articles about aquatic crime prevention, "The purple whale of justice" and "Dale and the whale detective"?
Aquaman seemed very concerned
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear DC will be killing off all the "stupid" supers?
Batman didn't even bat an eye.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
In his last movie doesn't Batman fight the evil Beholder gang?
I detest the sillier Batman stuff.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why won't you play purple Batman suit hula quest?
I am afraid of grass skirts
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Is there a particular reason you unplug the TV every single time a traveling commercial for Hawaii airs?
I forgot my good spatula at home.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Why are you trying to behead me with an old rusty spatula?
The old rusty light saber was too expensive.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why are you waving that spent Christmas wrapping tube around going "whoooooh, whooooooh"?
I have a fear of crowds.
Posted by Aros (Member # 4873) on :
That's what SHE said.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Did the Special Himalayan Expedition report that they are having tea and crumpets with the Abominable Snowman?
That is what any civilized person would do at tea time.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
You murdered the local tribesmen, stole their land and resources, banned them from speaking their native tounge and enslaved the surivers, all for their own good, out of Christian charity, between lunch and diner time?
Got to have a hobbie.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Is there a reason you were shaving my back when I woke up this morning?
It doesn't have enough screaming.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Of course A Christmas Story is a horror movie, why would you say it wasn't?
And then the grass turned purple.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
How would you describe the Vikings game?
We need a new quarterback.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
You asked for change for a dollar, I gave you 7 old dimes, five old pennies and a washer. What more do you need?
We voted for Change, but not that kind of change.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Did you hear Obama is going to have sex reassignment surgery?
I don't think that is covered by Obamacare.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why can't I have n arc reactor put in my chest to charge my phone?
I can never find an outlet when I need one!
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
Why are you in this outlet store?
I have painted my walls Sky blue.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why does it reek of vodka in here?
Grandpa fell asleep on the couch again!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
So how can you be so sure there was too much rum in the cake?
Without mexican food, life has no meaning.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What was Neil Armstrong originally slated to say upon stepping onto the moon, before Taco Bell dropped their sponsorship of the landing?
That's why I'm currently a bear.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Is it true that turning from a human in to a bear is easy, but going back is hard?
Jackie Chan should have learned to juggle
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Which movie should Jackie Chan choose to star in next--"Juggling with Ninja's" or the Sylvester Stallone comeback pic, "Rocky VIII--Return From the Dead--Boxing Zombies"?
The title "Boxing Zombies" sounds cool.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why did anyone ever think it was a good idea to make a movie about undead work force in cardboard factory?
The king demanded it.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Why is stepping on blue swuade shoes punishable by death in Memphis?
Some special intrest is more "special" than others.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why does the superhero lobby always seem to get the tax breaks?
Turkey bacon is great, unless you're a turkey.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What was one of Yoda's not-quite-as-wise cousins favorite sayings?
I think that was too much of a stretch.
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Why don't we have death penalty by quartering anymore?
If only that. He had a goddamn cactus!
[ March 25, 2014, 05:38 AM: Message edited by: Szymon ]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Didn't he show up with a fresh roll of toilet paper he said you could use?
I'm not sure, but it was on the Internet.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Did they ever find Obama's birth certificate?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
What do superheroes say about their powers when they meet?
Well that was impressive.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
What do superheroes say about each other's powers after comparing them?
I was slightly disappointed with him.
[ March 27, 2014, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: Mr. Y ]
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Did you see the Magicians sleight of hand?
His hands were quicker than the eye, but slower than the spleen.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
What did throwing pieces of the anatomy model out the window prove?
We should have opened the window.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What was Bill Gate's last regret?
I spent my entire fortune on Candy Crush in-game purchases.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
I thought you won the lottery, why are you selling sandwiches at the mall again?
They were all out of cheese burgers.
Posted by Unmaker (Member # 1641) on :
Why the heck did you TP McDonald's?
On a slab in the county morgue.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Where's the BBQ sauce for my slab of ribs?
Those are not your ribs.
Posted by RivalOfTheRose (Member # 11535) on :
Adam, are these my ribs?
Tangy!
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Shiny?
Hockey!
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What do I use to open this Hoc Lock?
That is the strangest lock I've ever seen.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Like my new male chastity belt?
It burns with the fire of a thousand suns.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I know that hot sauce tastes good, but how does it feel on the other end?
It's best with guacamole.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
I need something to help me get this suppository in...
It doesn't DO anything. That's the beauty of it.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
What is on the to-do list for the Republican party?
That's the second way to skin a cat.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What are you doing with that Plunger, Cork Screw, Bucket of Lard, and Dixie Cup?
I'm working on my Science Fair project.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why did you stop building your time machine?
British people love tacos.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
How did you keep Scotland from seceding?
He's cutting left, now right!
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What are you watching on Barber TV?
Shave and a haircut.
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
What is the first thing you got after returning from your undercover mission in ISIS?
Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to...
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
What I wish I knew 20 years ago.
It doesn't do ANYTHING, that's the beauty of it!
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
How's your love life?
It reminds me of a purple cow.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Will you put that back in your pants please?
Because you are special!
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Why can't I have as many chicken fingers as everyone else?
There are too many sausages.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
How was the German 5 Star restaurant?
The kraut wasn't sour enough.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What did you think of Col. Klink?
He's better than General Stupidity.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
What did you think of Col. Klink?
He's better than General Stupidity.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
What did you think of Col. Klink?
He's better than General Stupidity.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
What do you think of Major Idiot?
That is not a nice way to refer to your father!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Ever figure out what caused your swollen coccyx?
No, but it did involve a balloon.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you successfully revive this thread with a balloon?
It's weird to visit this place.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
What were your thoughts upon entering the ruins of the visitors centre where you were once employed?
Lol Celia60, good one)
)
]
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
(sorry, mean, but I couldn't resist)![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
You will never get it!
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
)![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
?![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
How about this? Does this tickle?![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
Hehe, wow, you're lucky I came in here at all, I left this thread a long time ago... but I think I'm back now ![[Party]](graemlins/party.gif)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
)![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Sleep]](graemlins/sleep.gif)
, but sometimes ![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
.
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
![[Hail]](graemlins/hail.gif)
![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Monkeys]](graemlins/monkeys.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
?