Simple: I'll post an answer. You reply with a question which fits the answer, plus another answer for someone else to reply to.
A: I'm telling you, he had a cucumber.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Are you sure that was a guy?
No, I said apple! What did you think I said?
EDIT: SORRY!
[This message has been edited by Human (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Okay, who ordered the crap ball?
A: Okay, once, when I was young. But that's it.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Q: Have you ever worn a dress?
A: I was young, free and drunk so i couldn't help myself. It only happened once, i swear!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Have you ever, even once, been right about anything?
No, but thanks for the offer.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
would you like a million dollars?
yes.
*edit for spelling of dollars*
[This message has been edited by MEC (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Q: Would you like to hurt celia60 too?
( Lol Celia60, good one)
A: It was Bob, not me!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
who asked me if i wanted to hurt celia60?
because of the ALIENS!!!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you wearing chain mesh underwear?
A: Because I can.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Why are YOU wearing chain mesh underwear?
i don't know.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why does someone make chain mesh underwear?
Why not?
[This message has been edited by Human (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Will you defend me from Doug and MEC?
I hadn't thought of that.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why am i so damn sexy?
A: Well, this is a complicated answer that should be dealt with in three parts:
1) Society. Society has a stigmata against this kind of behavior, except in some social groups. These small social groups don't always have things in common but what they do have in common is the common disdain for the more common society.
2) Personal Life. While condoned in public, it is practiced quite a bit in private. Polls and research has shown that this is true, people mostly enjoy this type of behavior in their homes but not in public.
3) Public Life. While encouraged in private life, it is rarely accepted in public life. Most people enjoy doing/seeing this in there own private homes but don't enjoy doing/seeing it in public. But as always there is an exception, there are some small social groups that do enjoy this in public and are constantly recruiting new members through public demonstrations and interviews.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's the big deal with picking your nose anyway?
I do not recall at this time.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Have you ever thought doug was sexy?
And ruin my shoes!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Care to help stomp these grapes?
You had to be there.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Why is there a picture of you in a dress?
I didn't really have a choice.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
ph33r my l33t skillz!
I let the dogs out.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why did Doug wear the chain mesh underwear?
I plead the fifth.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
When was the last time you watched Barney?
Muahahahaha!!!!!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Which do you plead for:
Women #1: Good looking gamer Women #2: Nice looking Goth Women #3: Sweet Housewife Women #4: Good Career woman Women #5: Ugly woman who will treat you like crap?
I perfer a river.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Can you handle a small trickle of blood?
I lost track of time.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What are you doing wearing a 17th century scullery maid outfit in the middle of the mall?
I once read one of Thor's posts and thought, "Hey, that makes sense!"
Twelve gajillobongos, and five on weekends.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
How many kittens do you kill every week?
That's how I found it.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
What is that grenade doing without a pin in it?
Because God wills it.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why?
Because it was easier to just kill him.
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
Why didn't Bill Clinton get impeached?
Quarter-pounder with cheese.
[This message has been edited by bruinlawyer2002 (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
If I have a halfpound hamburger with cheese and split it with you, what do we each get?
Stupid mosquito just sat there on my finger.
Posted by Darling (Member # 2970) on :
Why is there so much blood on my machete?
It's a woman thing.
[This message has been edited by Darling (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why would anyone buy chain mesh underwear?
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
How does it feel to not know how to get to the invisible thread?
That's the real question.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
How the heck can you make an invisible thread?
Stop teasing me.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
You want to know how to get in?
The answers are all around you.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where do I look?
God, I feel idiotic.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
So you're saying that you wore chain-mesh underwear under your dress, while asking how to get to the invisible thread?
I most definatly did not!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Did you make it?
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Can you mess this thread up by not posting an answer at the end of your post?
It was Human!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Who didn't include an answer?
Help!
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Q:Who wants to kick Human off this thread?
A: 006919
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What's a good starting place?
You'll get there.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
If the Universe is constantly expanding, am I? And if I'm not, will I ever get to my refrigerator?
I don't know, but these cheesy poofs are sure good!
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
(I was gonna post a reply in binary asking what the representation is in hexidecimal, but I know why you posted that, since its the true question.)
How are the chips?
As much he would, if he could.
Posted by luthe (Member # 1601) on :
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?
Extream Sport.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Ok CBS crew, how can we cleverly spell 'extreme' and relate it to some trash that we can get kids to watch?
*Edit, forgot answer* if so, then kittens will definatly die.
[This message has been edited by Pseudonym (edited April 19, 2002).]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Will the content of this thread sadden Papa Moooose?
Fat cat keeps getting fatter.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What rhymes with "bat rat freaks set in batter"?
Have you stopped beating your wife?
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
When Jason Kid wins the NBA championship, what will Marv Albert ask him instead of "do you want to go to Disneyland?"
42
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything?
The midget shortage.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
How do I find you if I want to kill you?
It's my will.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Why does everyone have to wear chainmail underwear?
They ship refined uranium in trucks.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited April 20, 2002).]
Posted by Dude Love (Member # 2437) on :
What does TSRUIT stand for?
The LA County fire department.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Who are those drag queens and why are they wearing those ugly boots?
Because time slows down as you approach the speed of light.
Posted by Glass (Member # 3325) on :
Why is it that everytime I'm on a ship going near the speed of light it takes me thirty minutes to pee out the window?
Because, I love her, that's why.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Why do you take that kind of abuse?
stop whining.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
do i really have to hurt celia60?
yes, i do love you.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Do these pants make me look fat?
It comes from a bottle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where does he get those funny questions?
I think it's on a blue diskette.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where's my sanity?
Stay away from me!
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Will you marry me?
I'm not sure, let me check my shoes.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Where's my brain?
Noooo! Don't, I beg you!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shall we clone you into a wenchling for a second time?
Birdseed, a little sea salt, and the juice of two limes.
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
What is "Hatrack" anyway?
Oh no, I'm all for THAT!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Q: I thought you said you didn't want to have wild monkey sex with that week old cat fish?
A: My dog could do a better job.
maxdout
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
How do you think you did on the test?
With cream.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
q. How do you take your whiskey?
a. I've never seen that before!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what do you think of max mounting a fish and having monkey sex with it?
what, you want to go out with me?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Honey, that Bobby seems kind of sleazy. Don't you think you should date somebody else?
If you felt thay way, you never should hhave sent me those pictures.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why do i HATE it when people see me naked?
why?
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
You just shot that man! Don't you feel bad?
A: If I knew that, I wouldn't be in here.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
How do you get to the invisible thread?
South.
Posted by Wade (Member # 3327) on :
Where's this thread going??
Now I eat them.
Posted by woodger (Member # 3301) on :
Growing up I used the "Pick and Roll" technique.
I don't know, I was just bored, I guess.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why did you get an "I break for badgers" tatoo across your chest?
Because they ran out of condiments.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
Why don't you go to Cal (for school)?
The devil made me do it!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why on earth would you bring a coati mundi to your first day of work?
It's a cable modem thing.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Why do you hate me?
A: Owl Pellets
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
What do you have in your mouth?
A useless hunk of junk.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's in your head?
HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT QUESTION!!!!!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Johnny, what is 3 x 6?
A: First you filter the water, then you add the dirt.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
How do you make Martha Stewart's mud?
BLEAH!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Would you care for a strawberry daquiri?
I understand.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Okay, like, I need some, um, advice, because, like, my boyfriend, he keeps talking to this other, like, girl, or something, and she’s totally not as pretty as me but maybe he thinks so but she really isn’t but anyways should I say something because I don’t want to be, like, possessive freak girl but maybe he wants me to say something I don’t know so can you tell me what I should do and stuff?
Yes, as a matter of fact I did that last night.
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
Have you ever been abducted by little blue men?
A: The circle is not round.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Could you check my geometry homework?
Well, I think it'd be better on pizza.
Posted by Steel (Member # 3342) on :
What's the deal with chain mail underwear?
They're funny if you read them in tandem.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Have you seen Nadine's posts?
You just rinse, spit, repeat.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do you learn to speak Middle Eastern languages?
Four tissues, a paper clip, and M-Z of my Rolodex.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Bob, what exactly were you using when your boss caught you in that 'compromising position'?
Splunge!
edit: forgot the ding-dang answer
[This message has been edited by Ralphie (edited April 23, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is science's answer to grunge?
Faith, Hope and a 357 Magnum.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
How can I make friends on Hatrack?
No, because my friend named Bob tried it once and it didn't work.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Have you ever had sex with the undead?
Cabbage.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the worst gift you ever got for Christmas?
Seat 24F.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Kssshhshsh...Flight 5347? Where is your captain??
Last Thursday at 11:00 pm.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Since when are you God?
I had a change of heart.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
What was the punchline to that transplant joke?
I think I just spontaneously combusted.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Hey! Who brought the purple fireworks?
The Day of Pain.
(edit - forgot answer )
[This message has been edited by Rruk (edited April 23, 2002).]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
When are you getting married?
I have three of them.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Is it just me, or is that a implant surgery gone horribly, horribly wrong?
It's fruit and cake, you know.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
How would you describe your cousin in two words?
Have some.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
q:Jee, is that mesh underwear your eating?
a:Yeah, I know, Ralphie told me about that.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Have you heard about the one eyed, one armed, one legged man?
I NEED TACOS!!!!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
What did that darn chihuahua say?
e.e. cummings
(forgot the answer AGAIN!)
[This message has been edited by Rruk (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Has anyone ever had the middle name "Estlin?"
A tread-depth of at least 1/16".
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
if you could talk to god what would you say to him?
DON'T YOU KNOW THE DUEY DECIMAL SYSTEM?!!!! (for all uhf fans.)
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
Hey, um, librarian- yeah, you- can you help me find these war books that I can't find? (okay, that was a pretty bad question)
You're a jacka**.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If I told you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
I was told it was the Good Housekeeping seal of approval.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Why did you use your old car oil to shampoo the carpet?
God, i hate peas, i really, really hate peas.
Maxdout
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
How did you like the new episode of Veggie Tales?
The new i-mac.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
(you beat me to it!)
Has anyone seen my new lamp?
That's my dog, you dork!
[This message has been edited by Nadine (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
With which object would you compare my manliness?
And then the boss walked in.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
So you were on the last level, and then...?
Food TV
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Where did you get the idea to cook dogs?
There was a hair in it!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why was the donor's heart rejected?
Well, statistically speaking, yes.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Darling, did you take out the trash?
I'm really not interested, but thank you for your time. Have a nice day, and good luck!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
would you mind stopping stalking me?
YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME, WITH THE DOG!!!!!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Any idea how this anti-freeze got in Fido's water dish?
If I were a bug-eyed, two-toed sloth maybe.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Will you marry my conjoined twin and I?
I have a sickness in my pants.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
did you know i sleep with my car?
hahahahaha, that's funny.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Did you see Jar Jar get hit by that laser cannon?
A: They bury them in the sand.
[Still laughing about Martha Stewart Mud! ]
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited April 24, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you name a beverage and an organization for women?
It is level, but not straight.
Posted by Perelandra (Member # 3632) on :
How did the vasectomy go?
Ouch! That needle is long!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Hmm... Why am I drawing up air instead of blood?
It got all meldewy out there.
Posted by Hobbit Squad (Member # 3365) on :
Why is Elton John rolling around on the floor?
The sunflowers have ceased the need for my mission.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You wanna know how to make a signal fire?
Can't... go on... not...enough...dialoge...
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Arnold, why did you cancel the sequel to "Hercules in New York"?
Oh my gosh! I've never seen one that did THAT!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Um, doctor, shouldn't a lot of this stuff be on the inside?
Orinoco Flow by Enya.
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
And where di you get the idea to do that?!
Brad Pitt is hott. ~~Eryn~~
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are we having to turn down the temperature in here again???
When condiments go bad.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
How do you know when Sauron has taken over middle-earth
But i don't like spam!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Would you like baked beans with your spam?
Chicago.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the name of BOTH the worst city and the worst band on the planet?
Here's my card.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Dear Abby, I have a teenaged daughter, and-
I don't see what all the fuss is about, really.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Why are you trying to shove my arm down your throat?
Awww...but I'm all out of severed mail men parts.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited April 25, 2002).]
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Bad Locke, no biscuit.
Maxdout
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who will be the first to berate Locke for his transgression of the law of the thread?
Why, of course, it is "The Ultimate"!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What kind of Cheeseburger would you like?
If I told you, I'd have to kill you!
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
What are memes?
They don't seve French dressing in French restaurants.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Wot you say!? Dey ton't seve French dressin' he'e?!?
Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to spank you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your favorite position?
It's all about sex, ultimately.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why should i get married?
One thing leads to another....
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
how did you get your head up your ass?
no, anything but THAT!!!!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Can i ask you a question about your sexuality?
And she, was like, totally wearing my favorite pink nail polish on, like, her toes.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
You killed her because she was wearing your favorite sweater?
who hasn't?
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
have you ever wanted me soooo much you went into acoma?
what, you think i am sexy?
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Ahhhh! You're shirt is on fire! Take it off!
The only way to travel.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you a member of the "mile high" club?
I got this award plaque and a $40 gift certificate.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did they give your for proving the existence of God?
And so I told the guy, That ain't my tuna fish!
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited April 26, 2002).]
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
How did you escape from the killer dolphins?
Look, it is either you or me, and frankly, I would prefer it to be you.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
So, who's going to launder the chain mail underwear?
A zebra on the fortieth floor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's better than a horse on the roof?
I can do it, but it'll take 3 NAND gates, a zener diode, and one mother of a power supply.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
The goat ate it.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
Has anyone seen my diaphram?
Texas. It all comes back to Texas.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
And where did you say those gigantic cockroaches came from?
Cody Judy.
[This message has been edited by Rruk (edited April 27, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If Cathy Lee Gifford's son has a sex change, what will he call him/herself?
Elbow grease.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What does a person with an unnatural attraction to work use as a lubricant?
Of course! To make room for the tuna!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why do some coaches prohibit Onanism?
That feels good!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Why did you let him give you a wedgie when you knew you were wearing chain mail underwear?
I got a papercut on my tongue!
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
Wait a minute, how did you know my wife was wearing paper underwear?
That's American dollars my friend, American dollars!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We're from Canada, eh, and we were just wondering how come your cars are so cheap here, eh?
Spiral bound on card stock, laminated cover.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's your brain look like?
TUNA-FREE DOLPHIN MEAT!!!!!!!YUMMIEEEE!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
GIR, what did you replace your jet fuel with and why? (Invader Zim trivia)
My underpants!?!?
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
I just had a major hangover and threw up, what should I do? My parents will be home soon!
Yes, I DO understand you. *cough*
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
Doctor (impatiently): Would you please turn your head and cough so I can examine the next guy?
Girls, women, and small furry little animals.
[This message has been edited by bruinlawyer2002 (edited April 29, 2002).]
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Who's been using my hairbrush?
Too much flouride.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why don't you have any teeth?
huh?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
½¶±Œ§¥¤Å?
And your little dog too!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Would it be ok if my two brothers, sister, mom, dad, aunt, and little dog spend a week at your parents' cabin?
If your not going to eat it, feed it to my monkey.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's this stuff labeled rat poison?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: How do you answer a question if it's moot?
A: It's because of my drinking problem.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is your liver flopping out of your torso?
Statistics 101, man!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What do your parents think you're taking in college, dude?
Shove an elephant through a donut.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited April 30, 2002).]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: What do you have to do to kill this thread?
A: 3 rejections
Posted by RevNewStar (Member # 3406) on :
What do you call your mom and 2 sisters not showing up in Alabama?
A. So few time; such little people.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
The Smurfs are hatching a commie plot! We have to kill them!
Infernal banannas.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What's your pet chimp trying to sign?
Leap Frog!!!
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Well if those dogs weren't fornicating, then what in heaven's name were they doing??
Untie this with your tongue, please.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Now what do I have to do to pass this test?
I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG NOW!!!
(I know max knows where this is from)
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
GIR will you get off my head, and settle down?
Master of Bation, his home company.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Where's this "In the beginning" stuff?
A: Joxer the Mighty
Posted by Perelandra (Member # 3632) on :
Who was that kid who did laundry at school?
Ow! I'm wearing two left shoes!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
What does your wife calls you right then?
No, no, you rub the gravel on the window.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
For Per:
Why are you walking so funny?
About 5 minutes.
For afr: Do you travel with a minnow?
15 times.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 01, 2002).]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
15 kids, huh?
You've got the wrong number.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
2,399,628?
Cows mostly. Sometimes static electricity.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hello? Is this the Pope?
Stop it, Fred! You're giving me electrically-induced seizures!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What happens when I hook up this car battery to your nipples with these clamps?
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Oh, George, is this your mother in law?
Octopi! Lots of 'em!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Can you give an example and then say how many latin words you know?
The spork.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: What do you use to cure constipation?
A: I told you horses shouldn't travel in first class.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
flight attendant, can you please tell the hairy long nosed passenger in front of me to stop pooping in my food?
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
What is your favorite song?
The clowns are attacking! Get em' away!!!!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Why did my girlfriend get moved to coach class?
It's cause he's got flat feet.
(edit: sorry, damn lag screwed up the rotation)
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited May 01, 2002).]
Posted by RevNewStar (Member # 3406) on :
Why doesn't he have a leg to stand on?
A. It's simulated artificial soy meat.
Posted by bruinlawyer2002 (Member # 2264) on :
This crap taste like simulated artificial soy meat, what the heck is this?
Thank you, come again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you just a recording?
He kept screaming that he needed a phone booth.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What's wrong with the guy in the tights and underwear outside his clothes?
Red and Black with a fringe.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What does your chain mail underwear look like?
I can't, I stubbed my big toe.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you kick a man when he's down?
Two adults and a child, please.
Posted by RevNewStar (Member # 3406) on :
Welcome to Cannibal Joe's; may I take your order pleas?
A. I'm not listening; I;m not listening!
[This message has been edited by RevNewStar (edited May 02, 2002).]
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
would you listen to this?!: you just won a million dollars!
(sarcasticaly)wow.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Did you know that my old roomate can Burp the entire alphabet in one burp?
One crate of lobsters, three mice, and four chicken wings.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What are they serving in the cafeteria today?
I just wish it wasn't quite so GREEN!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: And why does this stool sample concern you?
A: Don't poke him there
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Annoyed by the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Grease the pan
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What are you doing with my elbow?
The chicken, you fool!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Who just crossed the road?
Red, green, blue, mauve, eggplant, and magenta.
Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
What colors did his face turn before he died?
Ni!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Yes, a cow does go "mooo" and a horsey goes "neigh". Now, what does a knight go?
Cool Whip.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What was so important that you HAD to see in that "adult" store??
Becasue he was wearing fuzzy, bunny slippers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you know that was your father?
Everybody has one, silly.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I can't find my pulse!
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
For once in your life will you sit there and be quiet?
The ingredients are pottasium fluoride, sodium peroxide, hydrochloric sulfate, and a little luck.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
you're learning how to make lead into gold?
Because he said, "Cantonese is to Chinese as ibanics is to english".
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Why does your face have that blank look?
Space for rent
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
What 3 words best describe your brain?
No. Thats actually oatmeal.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
hey mom, does this look like bird poop too you?
if i tell you, i'll have to kill you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you account for your whereabouts at 7:13 am on Friday May 3, 2002?
I think it was a pumpkin seed.
Posted by Nadine (Member # 3362) on :
And what was that in his beard, anyway?
I know what I must do...but...I'm afraid to do it.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
If you don't rub it that thing will be sticking up under your pants all day.
Chicks dig UNIX.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was the biggest selling t-shirt at nerdfest 1986?
It's a whole new paradigm.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's that?
SHEEP GO TO HEAVEN, GOATS GO TO HELL!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the lamest school fight song you've ever heard?
My minds a complete blank.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What happens when you cross a horney toad with a miniature poodle?
He can't, he's constipated.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Why isn't that politician spouting his usual crap?
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy; I were but little happy if I could say how much.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
..so why not cross the bridge?
I'm a good faker
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Meg Ryan, how did you get the role of Sally in "When Harry met Sally"?
The lid keeps slipping off
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Harold! How many times have I told you to stay in your cage?
I need a sheepskin...two barrels of gunpowder...and a guide who speaks Swahili.
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
Dear McGyver~ How would you go about freeing yourself from a 20 ton lead box on the bottom of a fast moving river?
The chipmunk rebellion.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And to whom should I make out this check for $500,000?
I did not inhale.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, tell me again how you died of asphyxiation alone in your bedroom?
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Why did that guy attatch weather balloons to his lawn chair?
It was agent 90854. He blew the cheese dog, if you take my meaning.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
How the hell can you just sit there doing the crossword? It's the end of the world, man!
All you need is love.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How am I going to get used to my chain mesh underwear?
I'm not sure. I'll have to check with my manager.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You're not seeing anyone else, are you?
He's an 'alibut.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Your main character seems a little one-dimensional. Know what I mean?
14 years in Purgatory.
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
What do you think God will give to the Catholic pedofiles?
Seventeen times a day
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
In an alternate universe, a broken watch will tell the right time ....
If it is between the robot or the cyborg, heck, I'd pick neither.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Who's your daddy?
I am house-lady, brush your teeth!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
*points to neighbor* She doesn't speak very good English.
sixty, dude! all at once!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
how many worms did you eat again?
ewwwwww!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
See, you hollow out a pretzel, then stick a gummy bear inside. Then you eat 'em. Whaddya think?
The sign said Peligroso, so I came in for some water.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What makes you think you can just waltz in a place like this, dressed like that and start dinking form our fish tank?
Well thats what the professor said.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Peggy Sue, are you absolutely sure this spiky contraption is a hair curler?
Don't blame me; blame the brick.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And what did the note say that was wrapped around the brick that came crashing through your window at 4 in the morning?
That's right, two short, dark, curly hairs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And, besides the glove, the only evidence they had linking OJ to the murders was hair fibers?
Pelicans, or a nice meringue pie.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the one thing you'dd like to see before you die?
yes, i admit it, i'm an arachnigamist.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, you enjoy playing board games with spiders?
World domination and a decent cup of coffee for $0.25.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Ok, Starbuck's. We'll give you want you want if you give us what we want.
it's on channel 12 right now.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does Martha Stewart say one should wear to the public lynching of Enron executives?
Nothing.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What does Martha Stewart say one should wear to the public lynching of Enron executives?
I have no recollections of that. I take the Fifth on that. I do not recall.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you or did you not put the seat down on the evening of May the 4th, 2002?
Can I answer your question with a question?
[I liked TomD's suggestion]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 07, 2002).]
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What is the typical response you'll get from a lawyer?
Only your hair dresser knows for sure.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
i don't have a hairdresser, where can i find one?
!@#$%^&*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the past participle of "!@#$%^" ?
Helmets. A lot more helmets.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
ok, the first question for the emergency planning comittee is....what do we need in the case that the sky is falling?
15 big rocks, 12 little rocks, and a book written by OSC.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What crawled up your ass and died?
I plead the Fifth Commandment.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
What crawled up your ass and died?
haha
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give me an example of "repetition as a source of emphasis?"
Cortizone, anti-itch cream, and a pair of very small tweezers.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so, how did you the elephant's foot out of your ass?
zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba!!!
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is something that Ted Kennedy knows by heart?
Jail bait or jail mate?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Nice Chinese tattoo. What's it mean?
Heathens, every last one of them!
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
What do the students at Berkeley Preparatory High School remind you of?
. . . AND THEN IT DID AN IRISH JIG. I WILL NEVER PUT MY TOES IN JELLO AGAIN.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so what happened after you smoked 20 pounds of marujanna all at once?
i don't know, why don't you ask frank?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why should I be frank or earnest?
A heaping helping of hospitality!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Fill in the blank...
Amino Acids.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And then she showed you her what?
Nevermore!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Quoth? Oh, please, are we going to go through this again?
Angle brackets.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If we tilt [ and ] by 30 degrees, you know what we get?
What troubles lurk in the hearts of men.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Penny for your thoughts?
Not today, maybe tomorrow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Does mañana mean "today" or "tomorrow?"
Lingering doubts.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is government useful for anyway?
A large cog.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are you making with all these little cogs?
Pelted with grapes, more like.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Bob should get barraged with rotten tomatoes for that last one.
I have a permit for that.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What's that thing under the tarp in the back of your truck?
YOU! OBEY THE FIST!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
ok?
they're grrreeeaat!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you like most about air ducts?
It's a pun on the word grate.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did you say that you think I'm great?
Beowulf.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
who's going to hell?
shut up.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Oh, my god and then like betty slapped billy right in the middle of the resturant. I couldn't breath. So lets talk about me some more . . . blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?
Dig up Rovers bones and bring me the fresh skull of a virgin. This time a real virgin not just one of those technical whores.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you help me retrieve my lost data?
Helium and a rastafarian wig should do it.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: Did you notice the cloaking device I put on my car?
A: buttery garlic
[edit: desperately coming up with new question to correct for misreading the old answer]
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited May 09, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best repellent against super-models turned vampire?
300th post.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
A. Do you know what losers like me, who have nothing better to do all day besides hit the refresh button, like to brag about?
Q. Oh no, not again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Should we do yet another chainmail underware joke?
Key lime pie and mardis gras beads.
Posted by Eryn (Member # 2190) on :
So what exactly do I need to have a kick-butt itme at Mardi Gras??
Terry Bradshaw riding a lemon pie with a monkey on top
~~Eryn~~
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's your favorite thing at Burger King?
Ducks. All Rubber.
Posted by Kepper (Member # 3354) on :
What does Ernie from Sesame Street have a weird fetish with?
Monkeybone.
Kepper Harry Potter: leading children to devil worship, one at a time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the correct pronunciation for lingerie?
Insert Tab A into Slot B.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
So what's your sex life like?
Awwwwww. I wanted to explode!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Quick!! How do I difuse this bomb?
With a side of mashed potatos.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the least structurally sound way to build a building?
Windows open, top down, and 15 mph over the speed limit.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is the slogan for covette?
Back away slowly and don't make any sudden movemets.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Whats the safest way to avoid spooking baseball fans at Shea stadium?
helico-tricyclic-stuff we made up from leftovers.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What's for dinner?
Can't you tell he stopped taking his meds?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is Bob's voice getting lower and his chin getting stubble?
Birds of paradise.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What do pigeons who die become?
Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited May 09, 2002).]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Doctor, my husband keeps ringing; he still thinks he's a phone! What should I do?
Gainful employment.
[This message has been edited by TomDavidson (edited May 09, 2002).]
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What is it called when people use roundabout means to get ahead in the world?
Chicken Pot Pie.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Do you know the one food I hate beyond all reason?
A Chupacabra! But how?- There's not a goat to feed on for miles!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Oh my God! It's la Chpacabra!
My General Paper teacher is damn stupid.
Posted by GeoffreyCard (Member # 3460) on :
Don't you think that insult is weak?
Ay caramba! Mi amor es muy loco!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's very crazy, mr spanish speaking person?
Le roi est PAYDAY!!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Which candy bar is king of them all?
I would, but my pen has run out of ink.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Oh, please, Mr. President, would you autograph my chest?
That's not really a birdhouse, trust me.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Is that really a birdhouse?
FREE THE SPERM.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Q: He shouted what at the end?
A: Is it discrete or discreet?
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
I would'nt know, as it does not fit in MY anus.
"Doctor! There's a tumor in my ass!"
[This message has been edited by Fossil (edited May 10, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So what seems to be the problem today?
Why should I?!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you accept this gift of eternal life on behalf of all humanity?
Honey, it's the police.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Get off my lawn!
Eternal food at your descretion!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ernal is a murderous son of a #@$#$, but he left his food tray unattended.
Sillyputty on a stick
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
I know you are, but what am I?!
Check the yellow pages.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How did you mark your spot in the phone book?
That's disgusting!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is that? Corn?
Windows 3.1.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What is a pain in my ass?
"Arrrrgh! The little blighters are back!"
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Henry, would you mind throwing out the empty beer cans? The grandkids are on the way over.
Wax on.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Do you remember the line right after
quote:Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen Prettiest girl I've ever seen See her shake on the movie screen, Jimmy Dean James Dean
I said a Popsicle!
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What did you put in Irami's 'definition of cool' thread?
Bob Denver
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
When you said you and your "little buddy" were going to be home alone all night, who exactly did you mean?
Why are you doing this to me?
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Which would you rather part with- your previously arrested celebrity fingerprint collection, or your Sally Struthers memorabilia?
The lesser-known "Erin of Locksley".
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What was Robin Hood's broghter's name, again?
That was interesting, tasty and disturbing all at the same time.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So what did you think of the albatross soup?
At least 15 mintues a day is recommended.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
This isn't another Onanism thread, is it?
Paper clips and a 12-inch frying pan.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Moose, what makes you think of onanism so much?
Haley Joel Osmont.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Moose, what doesn't make you think about onanism so much?
[LOL at Moose's contribution]
YATTA!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Do you have any celebrity pictures pasted all over your walls?
The bigger the better.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?
Only if I can get it in snakeskin.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Adam, won't you at least try on a fig leaf?
I don't think modern science is prepared for that revelation.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you know that wearing chain-mesh underwear reduces the risk of heart-disease?
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What was the funniest line from Stakeout?
Does that require any special training?
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you want to get into a pair of chain-mesh underwear? (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
Otters. Sexy little otters.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 11, 2002).]
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Moose, what makes you think of onanism so much?
Pubescent electroluminiscence.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What do you Jock Otters want?
That always happens when Pikachu and Batman meet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where are these yellow blotches coming from?
It was on special.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How would you describe your first prostate exam?
It's spelled MI-SSI-SSI-PPI.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is the acronym for that Military Intelligence Secret Security Insertion Sentient Sentry International Pre-Production Installation?
I have finger cramps.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Now why is your hand stuck down there?
Doom-dee doom-dee doom doom, doom doom doom, da doom!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How does that song go? You know, the one about Armageddon?
Turn of the century handpainted glassware.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did you have for breakfast, Cookie Monster?
Little Known Fact #289452: Mooses invented onanism.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Searching for creation of onanism...Found!
"yogurt in my pants" is not acceptable!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
[Moses to God:] What do you think of my idea for an 11th commandment?
Cheesus.
Posted by bicentennialman (Member # 2699) on :
If bacteria have a god, what is his name?
Lush. Just lush.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What adjective describes a great carpet, but a lousy mate?
Handlebar mustaches.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What are those little things you're putting on these pictures?
Yes... I shall bring my parents. And they shall be the best, Most parental parents EVER!
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What did young Jesus promise to bring for show-and-tell?
[insert mental image of a Far Side comic]
Shire? Baggins? Baskin Robins?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where can you find hobbit forming ice-cream treats?
You'll need another USB port.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
What do you think of my new Internet-ready love doll?
It's another one of those fuzzy pens.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what would you give me if i tell you what turns jehovoid on?
because 7 turned canibal and began eating all the other numbers starting with 9!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, why is she called "Seven of Nine"?
No, those are Borg implants too.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Does this go on my ass?
"We're spinning into Oblivion, my friends!"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this a dance craze or an excercise fad?
New tires, balancing, stems,... that'll come to $600.12
Posted by Momoku (Member # 3455) on :
and the total is how much?
Cellular text messaging
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
how do deaf and dumb people use cell phones?
*dies*
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
[ENGLISH 101 Final]
In a John Webster play, everyone ______
Give me liberty or give me beeer!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How does a genteel woman from the Ozarks drink her moonshine?
chewing tobacco.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Hey, Bubba, when it's time to git on up to Heaven, how'd you like to go?
That's one big sparrow, Maude.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So Harve, what do you think of Big Bird the Movie? (since me and Word did a simo-post, I'll answer his.)
How was the bargain cruise this year?
Trancendental Lubrication
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I like the idea of throwing a twinkie through the door, but what on earth are we going to grease her hips with?
Because he's homesick.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Doctor! Why is my cat vomiting up pies?!
I understand you sawed off the back of your computer.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Do you know how to install a new motherboard, properly?
Your pants ripped into 259 million pieces!?
[This message has been edited by Chess (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Why Chess look at Hulk like that?
The secretaries here have way too much power.
[This message has been edited by Ralphie (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
She made you do the "While You Were Out" dance, too?
Don't talk to me about batteries.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
TomD, everytime I see your wife at the store, she's buying batteries....what's up with that?
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times......
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is Tom Xerox's favorite cliche?
Underdeveloped countries.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where's the hardest place in the world to sell bras?
Homo Sapiens.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What we all blame for our problems.
Turkey in the hay.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What did you say?
The BIG one...
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Did you see that?!
Curley fry mysteries
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What do you get when you mix the 3 stooges, fast food and Sherlock homes?
The deep blue sea.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Well...I see the devil is in front of us. What's that behind us?
A slide trombone.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's the best way to whack a band member?
Dorks.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
...and that makes you what?
Quickly! RIDE THE PIG!
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
How are we going to get out of this mud hole?
Three trees and a walrus
[This message has been edited by Fael (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What has huge tusks, snorts a lot and then leaves?
Funny, it worked yesterday.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited May 13, 2002).]
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is another name for copulation with a policeman?
A: Meat Puppets
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What does Papa Moose hate most?
<Insert Pun here>
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Can you quote Bob Scopatz?
Deroggatory language.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
what did some immature hatrackers resort to
The last fandango
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
What have you been up to Robey?
Springtime for Hitler.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
The ballet Robey was writing but flopped on opening night because heckling hatrackers were in the audience.
jeeze luoise she's got a potato
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Is that-- Is she-- Is she holding what I think she's holding?!?!?
I swear, from this day, to the end of this day, that total and utter vengance SHALL BE MINE!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Who ate the last M&M?
Nice! The pulsating lights don't even bother me!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Hey, I just redecorated my room, what do you think??
Yeah, she said she couldn't do with out about 430,522,216 of them. Crazy!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Did she say how many Legos she'd need to build the Great Wall of China?
Spaghettios and PopTarts.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why do you think my girlfriend just dumped me?
It starts with an 'S' and ends with a 'h'.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's Hobbes' name spelled backwards?
Run for your lives! The lemurs have come for their revenge!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What did robey think the last time he ate a balogny sandwhich
Isnt it a good time for barrflesnatches.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Okay! What kind of snatches do you want now?
They're not gonna make it!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
did you here that everyone on hatrack are going to goto the store all at the same time?
*burb* (i use asterix's to symbolize actions, ie. right now i am burbing)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give me one good reason why you haven't reached your full potential?
A pony tail and an inkwell. That's all I ask.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What can I give you to shut you up?
S Club 7
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!WHO'S SINGING THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC?!
Nintendo's secret hush-hush plan.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Who owns Sony?
No comment.
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
Did she eat the fish?
I saw your underwear.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what was the most memorable part of the trip for you?
Warren G. Harding on a $3 bill.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so, what did the cashier give you in change again?
no, stupid, it's a rock.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Is this a stone?
It was a Dinosaur!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who can tell me what cracked the foundation of Creationism and threw Biblical literalism into the trash-heap of modern ideology?
A Marxist kangaroo, more than likely.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
A WHAT kicked you in the arse?
Solidarity, baby!
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What was the main reason for the success of the Austin Powers movies?
Because my feet are cold and the banana bread is in the oven!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Another reason why Lurkers wont post.
1/2" foil foam board
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What do you headbutt for fun and profit?
Spy planes
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what are those flying above the house in circles?
ch-ch-ch-ch-chia!!!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Do you know of a good pet?
That is why Fossil is illiterate.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That dinosaur has been dead longer than language.
Dinodystopia
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited May 14, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the one thing T-Rex feared more than Dinodyspepsia?
You've got mail.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Why do keep hearing this voice?
Date Canceled, didn't she.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Hey, dude, wanna go shoot some pool and try to pick up chicks tonight?
Only for a few moments during twilight.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
WHY ARE WOMEN SUCH EVIL DEMON SPAWN?!
...brings May showers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the net effect of precipitation following the Vernal Equinox?
Shoot me now.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Do you think they'll cast Haley Joel for the part of Ender in the new movie?!
Smile, even though it hurts.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
It's a little splinter - do you want me to pry it out with a needle and some alcohol?
I like the clicky-click pencils better.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What a million dollars?
Bob, bob bob. Bob bob da man!
[This message has been edited by Doug J (edited May 14, 2002).]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
ASIDE: Whoa! My post was for Bob, and yet it applied to Lusti's post! ::smacks cheeks with hands in shock::
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Dear would you go to the store and pick up some feminine napkins?
Hard, cold and deadly
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Am I high?
*Cries and licks lolipop*
(My post also applied to someone else and works for Fael's)
[This message has been edited by Chess (edited May 14, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Aside *me too yall are posting too fast for me!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Slow Ddddddooooowwwwwnnnnn!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We go real fast going up then real
(to fael's comment if not the last line)
The shin bone connected to the ankle bone
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
How did I break two bones?
I do like that.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Anyone up for a rousing game of Russian roulette?
And they're off!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
$300 for a prom dress, they dance for an hour and
Disco Duck
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What was the nickname of Howard the Duck during the 70's?
No I'm not!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, aren't you that guy? YOu know...!!!!
You can't get there from here.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Is there any way to salvation for hatrackers?
It's 6 and 2/3 feet long, white, and can throw a potato 4 city blocks away.
Posted by silentbob106 (Member # 3477) on :
Q :Have you ever built a trebuchet out of Bleached toothpicks and if so What Could it Do?
A: O yea thats when i tripped and fell on that white stuff on the lenoleum i can't believe i remembered that after i awoke from the coma!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What happened after you dropped your Preparation H?
Nhaa! Bad dog!
Posted by silentbob106 (Member # 3477) on :
Q: So what did you say after you stepped in the dog Sh*t that was on ur living room floor?
A: Thats when it popped out again in front of everyone and i was like O MY GOD!
Posted by Momoku (Member # 3455) on :
Why is that crowd running from you?
Larry the duck's arch-nemesis
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
Who's that guy with the duck feathers coming out of his mouth?
The towel was wrapped entirely too tightly around his head and he was listening to Lenny Kravitz.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why Prince's last album flopped.
Did You guys see the size of that chicken
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What was it that just crushed the Sears Tower?
It's a bird...it's a plane...it's a...
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What the heck is that in HUMAN's hair
A hairy experience
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What is touching me like?
Oh crap...I've got a bad feeling about this.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Do you know what will happen if I put the green powder in the red liquid?
But it's yellow!!!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Don't you want to eat your snowcone?
Mighty Mouse to the rescue!!
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
Who let the dogs out to terrorize all the little children?
green as the goblin's gross get-up
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the newest color of ketchup?
kill one of them and hang it's head on a post as a warning to the others.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
How can we keep these pests out of our garden?
The screw was loose and the milk curdled
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
frankinstien, what's this white gloopy stuff inside you?
BURN BABY BURN!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Ooga chaka?
Let every eye negotiate for itself,/And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch/Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Do you think I'm pretty?
And all for the low, low price of $49.95!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You have a beautiful soul. How much do you want for it?
Reach in your pockets, slowly, and pull out whatever is in there.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
..so world domination, warm socks and breakfast cereal are included?
Noone's keeping score.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Bob's Q: You wouldn't believe how much I love you. Wanna see?
vaultgirl's Q: I know that I am the most loved, well-respected and popular hatracker. Are you jealous?
A: Not even if you paid me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you type in "Not even if you paid me"?
...get it???
A giant slurpee and six straws.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What does it take to make a Zimmkonian Sextu-Orisian Behemoth happy?
A wandering minstrel.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the most important thing to have at an oragie(sp?)?
it's raining mountain lions and wolves.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
It's raining lions and wolves?
...And you still shook his hand?!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you know I met the Devil yesterday?
With a tire iron.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
How do you get the wrinkles out of a tire?
Silence, you insolent fool!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Hey, are you gonna eat that?
Whacha! Another nice day!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What does Whacha mean in the new Klingon/English Dictionary?
My own private disintigration ray.
Posted by IMHO (Member # 3348) on :
How are you going to take care of that pesky stray dog that keeps digging up your garden? ***
A: Lemon-scented freshness.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's that god-awful smell?!
Chimp monks
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who prays to the monkey god?
Greased lightning.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
What will we call these 1,000 holy monkeys at 1,000 styluses copying holy script for 1,000 years?
Paint my muscle care PRUNE colored, please!
edit: Mine is better than yours, Dan, so I'm keeping it.
[This message has been edited by Ralphie (edited May 15, 2002).]
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Well, it comes in designer colors. Which one do you want?
*returns from the bathroom* My buisness... is done!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
*Smiling, takes Sadaam Hussien and a length of garden hose into the bathroom. After a loud struggle, strange gurgling noices, and a high pitched scream and a flush....
Supercalifragilisticexpialodcous
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What is it that you can say that everyone will notice?
Do you?
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Do you ever eat these green eggs and ham?
A cold beer at traffic time
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's your favorite way to tempt Fate?
Futurists agree!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What? You mean that the galaxy is about to fall into 3000 years of chaos, but it will only be 1000 years of chaos if we make a foundation on the edge now?
Still, I am becoming impatient with my incredibly subtle infiltration of this planet's defenses, and am growing ever hungrier to be the destruction of the humans. Destruction is nice!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why wont The POlemarch be elected again?
Two Dozen eggs please
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sir, I keep telling you, this is a fertility clinic! What do you want from me?
Mail order.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
How did you meet your wife?
Umm, that's not mine....
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's this knife covered in blood in your house for?
Mission: very easy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'd just like to know how all this is going to end. I mean, what's the final outcome?
15 stitches and a nasty bruise.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
so where do you think my plans to jump in a volcano in order to go to a different dimension will take us?
why?
Posted by silentbob106 (Member # 3477) on :
Q: So then i jumped into that pool of algae and green fuzz. (you ca't answer a question with a question)
A: Ok so thats why it looked all purple like that!
What do you normally put on your Light Cesar Salad?
Anytime you're in the mood.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
when do women tend to run away from me?
The cat and a little cockroach
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What are two things you don't want to give a girl on a first date?
Yoda rawks!
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
What is the title of Wierd Al's newest song?
That stupid article won't print or paste onto Word for me to print!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
why are you shoveing that newspaper into your computer screen?
leave me alone.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Does it bother you when I do this?
Help is just a phone call away.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's the most common response to dorkiness?
Don't touch that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does this big red button do?
15 seconds of fame.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what did you get for climbing mount everest in 15 seconds?
birds, clouds, space, planets, the ceiling, stars, gases(mostly nitrogen), light fixtures, the second floor, and a whole lotta other stuff.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What are a few of the ingredients needed to make a universe?
Brave and Crazy
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what are 2 qualities that you don't have and never will, but still hope you had them?
DEATH TO THE PALE FACED DEAMONS WHO HAVE HAUNTED OUR LANDS!!!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What do you call someone who starts a thread asking about the making of Ender's Game into a film?
I told you, cheese!
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
C'mon, it's your last meal. Really! You can have anything you want. What'll it be?
We're not entirely sure, but the bloody letter opener sticking out of his neck is probably a clue.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Is he really dead?
Ask a silly question, get a silly answer...
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why is everyone standing around in their underwear laughing?
Everything was fine until they asked if I had a criminal record.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
How was your sleep-over sweety?
Bite me, dough-boy!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did Mrs Pilsbury say when her husband complained about dinner?
It's where you want to be.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is Endercon?
Igloos and Indians.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there anything unique about North America?
Shimmering gossamer wings.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What do really bad pilots get as a gag?
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What sound does a dead bunny make?
La la lala laaaa lal laaa la lalalala lalla!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What music didn't make it into the MIB II sound track?
Wow, I didn't see that coming!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Slash is gay.
It's a fish made of balsam, silly.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
is that a fish made of granite?
they're coming to take me away, haha. they're coming to take me away, hoho. to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time....
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
What is a song that describes your life?
You are an idiot! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What thought enters your head during bouts of introspection?
A globe printed on a bouncy rubber ball.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
what's the most worthless thing you've ever spent a million dollars on?
red, no wait, blue.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What alert are we operating under soldier? (thanks for the idea Bob)
The day after tomorrow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If tomorrow never comes, when will I get mine?
Short and to the point.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How do you like your pencils?
A one eyed, one horned, flying, purple people eater.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Has anyone seen my fluffy?
Stop or my mormon will shoot.
[This message has been edited by Yebor1 (edited May 21, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was that movie with Sylvester Stallone as an angel?
I'm thinking it must be the matter inverter.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's the matter with you?
Bond, James Bond.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What should I use to glue these two Jimmies together?
A bagel with a schmear, please.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
For the last time what do want that does not taste or resemble flesh eating rabbits of any kind!?!?
Prepare your bladder for eminent release!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'd just like to set your mind at ease by letting you know that the co-pilot and I are both armed, should there be any disturbance we are prepared to...Ooops!"
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
What's one response guaranteed to make me curiuos?
Playing hangman.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
After the freak accident at the ball factory what were the only things the workers could say?
I am plagued by family and bit by fleas, that is all there is to say.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What was your role in "My Life as a Dog"?
One Adam Twelve! One Adam Twelve!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And then she said those three little words that made me know she was the one. Know what I mean?
A Home Depot charge card.
Posted by Momoku (Member # 3455) on :
My kingdom for...
Whoaaaaa...that's good squishee!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do you say when you want to kill a thread?
Remove tin foil. Place in microwave.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What was your recipe for baked Alaska?
It's all downhill from here.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
what do you say when someone kills a thread
All I want is the stupid hat, and world domination, but right now just the hat.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I don't get it, Dr. X! Why are you doing this?
I think it's just a rock.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What kind of menacing creature is that?!
Don't look at me--blame Houdini!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Is this rabbit for dinner?
Take a bow, and try not to stab yourself.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What were the last words of the Taliban Minister of Propaganda.
Horseradish or horseclelery.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the perfect accompaniment to horse chestnuts?
Ambling and meandering...
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What two actions normally ascribed to humans can streams and bodies of water perform?
I've activated the crazy card. The white coats will be here any minute.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Entering crazy card...
HE LIES!! THE PITIFUL EARTH-BOY LIIIIIIIESSSS!!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So what did your teacher say when you told her the dog ate your homework?
Plucky Germans.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What would not be an apt description of Nazi's?
I said Methuselah.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Metamucil?
Advanced Placement Tests.
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Can you say one thing to convince me that hell exists?
Lighting a match.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What's the best way to enjoy a Saturday night?
Oh, I'm a naughty boy! Naughty naughty naughty!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Damn it, Son!! Are you masturbating?
Crown me, my Queen!!!!!!
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Want to guess what you screamed last night?
Jello and goodbye!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Does this stuff have alcohol in it?
I don't love thee.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How do I love thee?
The porcelain god.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Where do a lot of these quotes belong?
Malignant Marcupial
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ever been to Koala Lump-ur?
Stretch, hold, and release.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What dont they tell you in lamaze(sic) class?
Lone Wolf
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Yes..this is the President..what did you say your name was?
Halfway vertical.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Remember the Verti-Cal diet slogan, "It can't make you completely disapear, but we can go...
Lumpy pudding in my ear.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is your favorite tactile sensation?
A good stuffed animal for a parrot.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
What that with you in all the pictures.
Flying monkey humping your leg.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What do you think of my newborn child?
A light saber is waaaaaaaay sexier!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
WHy are you a Jedi Groupie?
Hamburger Hill with Ketchup
Posted by Peanut Gallery (Member # 3527) on :
(Playing Clue) Where did Ronald McDonald die?
The kittens....they're alive!
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
OH MY GOD!! what have you done to them YOU MONSTER!!!
Why is Ray having so much trouble counting the toothpicks?
He does it at the drop of a hat.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
How fast can I get Thor to sound confusing?
Once I take care of the humans, I will begin my war against...the bees.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Mr. Polemarch, You've just won the Nuclear Arms race, what are you going to do next?
Butane, Charcol, and your Mother in Law.
Hobbes
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What are the different types of addictive substances?
I need some.
Posted by Chess'sQueen (Member # 3523) on :
What's with alcohol?
I can't get no...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you any Grey Poupon?
Single and destined to stay that way.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Father O'mally, what are your marital plans for the future?
Cornbread, nothing but cornbread.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Is there a good one-word description of the south?
Singing in the dark.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is a gigalo good at making women do?
The left hand of silence
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Zen Master, which hand do you use to make the sound of one hand clapping?
Corporal Tunnel Syndrom
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is another name for the fear that a women's vagina is real? (trutunaphobia)
She's pregnant.
[This message has been edited by Yebor1 (edited May 24, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was her excuse for beating 15 men to within inches of their lives, cursing like a sailor and invading Lithuania?
Munch a bunch
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What is she doing on her carpetbagger trip?
C is for Scotland, that's good enough for meeeeeeeeeee
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How do the Spanish say "Yes" to a trip to Scotland?
Rocky XII.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
What movie can you finally understand what the heck Sylvester Stallone is saying?
Clipping his toenails and taping them onto a letter to Emily, who loves him.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What is bigfoot doing with those hedge clippers?
Well, ya shoved it in my face!
Posted by Peanut Gallery (Member # 3527) on :
Why did you bite off my nose?
"Never, Morris. When the cows come home, all bets are off."
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Mom, can I milk the sheep today instead?
This is how you remind me.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You didn't sell that large nuclear weapon I told you to hold onto, did you?
BACK! STAY AWAY FROM MY BLOOD!!!!
(Dan_Raven, you don't actually happen to know a Father O'Malley, do you? There's one who teaches at my school. He's also written like 100+ books.)
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Hey Dracula, mind if I drink this?
It's dirty, dirty rice!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
It can't be that bad, George. I mean, it's not like it's porn rice!
Well, we got the sheep through but I dunno abut this camel...I'm gonna need some monetary persuasion.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it really easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven?
Must have my walking stick!
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
What are you going to do about that fat gangsta lurking on your porch?
not now
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How do you feel about deep fat fried crickets?
6 doves and two wolfs plus a feather of a ducks back.
Hobbes
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Wow, that was delicious! What's it made out of?
Yeah, um... seize that guy, and...um, throw him out an airlock.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who farted? He's in for it now!
Don Quixote the Goatee--
(Sorry Polemarch, I know no Father O'Malley's, just heard the name in a few off color, politically incorrect jokes)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You've actually named your facial hair? Okay, I'll bite, what is it?
There but for a little less melanin go I...
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What is your philosophy on chewing nails?
No thats a penguin.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hey Look! Thats James Joyce!
3 times the square root of 41.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that your answer for EVERYTHING?
It was either the heebie jeebies or the ooglie wooglies.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
What exactly was the phraseology you used to make him lose all respect for you?
The glass is now officially half empty.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Oh, what the hell (glug glug)
Whack a Carnie!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What can I do to feel better about myself?
A Vintage Sony Walkman.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
New pacemaker?
It's got to be at least...3 times this big!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Well shoot! How big would a BIG GULP have to be to satisfy you?
Business cards were flying all over the room!!!
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Tough times working in the office,eh Potter?
Just a teanch.
Posted by Atarah (Member # 1659) on :
Is a smidgeon smaller than a small pidgeon?
Only if you can say that five times fast.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Toy boat?
My pen leaked.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Is that a cute new tatoo on your tush?
confidential applications go here
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's with the trash can?
Zoological rhumba
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What is the Crocodile Hunter's favorite dance?
But it's a dry heat.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Did you just blow up the entire world?
Singing in the Rain.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did you get so sick?
Rosencrantz and Gildenstern
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why Not?
Ring one up for the Bill Miester.
Hobbes
Posted by Max (Member # 3034) on :
I guess Bill won again? Prick.
Oh my god, somebody put shit in my pants!
Posted by Kepper (Member # 3354) on :
What happened to your khakis?
You gotta see them swing, baby!
Kepper Another conversation stopper.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why would I ever want to attend a lynching?
Life is a circle.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
OH MY STARS!
Q: When flinging oneself from the parobolic pinnacle of knowledge into the concave conundrum of concuspicience, why should one wear velcro?
A: Underneath the twenty-foot limo.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Q: Where's the best place for a lawyers convention?
A: I wear short shorts
Posted by Kepper (Member # 3354) on :
Because of Nair hair removal cream, who wears short shorts?
Rollercoasters, ton's of 'em.
Kepper It would be cool to save the world and all, but I gotta save myself first.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
How do my emotions make me feel when posting in the same thread as *swoon* Dan_raven!?
'Cause big panties mean big women.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
Why do you fear the large panties section of Victoria's secret?
Eighty Days.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Guess how long it took me to get er' goin' last time?
Yum. Smells like fish.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
"Today, we've switched Chess's freshly caught salmon with all new Kraft Fish Whiz. It's just like Cheese Whiz, only fish. Let's see his reaction."
There is no spoon.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why cant i eat the watermellon?
Dammit Jim , I am an actor not a doctor.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Could you check my prostate?
A voice like sandpaper and old socks.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Guess which of your old friends from school has this voice.
Boom...
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What does this button do?
Ms. Bitters, I have a Mighty Need to use the restroom!
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited May 30, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And in closing this motivational retreat, I'd just like to remind you to always ask for the thing that is your Mighty Need!
Grass stains.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I admire how you got those designs and color in your painting, just how did you achieve them?
Ants in the pants are not the same as peas in the pod
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What vexing household problem can be solved by the use of the new, improved astro-turf?
a sedentary lifestyle
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Live long and have...
Dude! That rock pet is the COOOOOLEST!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
See? It glows, can cause a nuclear explosion if not monitored carefully, and will give you cancer in 20 years!
La heirba siempre esta mas verde por otro lado de la pared.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Tell me again which way to the freeway?
Headphones and donkeys
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Which two resources will you most exploit in your campaign to take over the world?
It's a fluffy yellow rat!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Dear God! W-w-what is it?!
Ohhhhh, spoot!
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Where did you get that new hair piece?
I stuck my rear out the window and mooned her.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again how you got that girl's backpack lodged up there??
Miracle Whip.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
New hair mousse?
That was it.
[edit: i'm a little slow]
[This message has been edited by Vaultgirl (edited May 31, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I hate suppositories! Isn't there another way?
I think it was a fly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What part of a gentlemens wardrobe can be the most painful?
Superman and Wonderman lookout.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Whaddya got there, a giant ball of string?
50 feet of coax cable should do it.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How are we supposed to tie up our hostage and watch cartoons at the same time?
I feel like a million dollars.
[Just realized what number post I am. This is probably bad luck or something.]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited May 31, 2002).]
Posted by NotPod (Member # 2298) on :
Why did you eat that?
He's still after me.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
Where is my lightsaber when I need it?
RACHOOOO!!!!!!!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!SCOOBY DON"T!!!
And then his ass exploded!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I don't get it. You mean you didn't bring me the stolen donkey because there was a bomb?...Try explaining again.
Will you be my duckie-wuckie?
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
And then what did they ask you?
YAY!!! We're Doomed!!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Satan: Beelzebub! What is that racket outside!
Beelzebub: [timidly] Well, Your Lowness, it's the souls... it seems they've been promoted by God from damned to... well, listen: [opens window to joyous cheering]
I gotta see a dog about a man.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Hey Rex, where ya going? You're gonna miss the cat fight.
Handbook? Handbook to what?
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Is it possible to define male-ness in a single phrase?
What was your favorite part of the Brittany Spears concert?
Just don't stick it up your nose!!
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Dear. Ms. Manners: My husband and I recently received a larger silver gravy boat for our 20th wedding anniversary from a relative we hardly know. Would it be appropriate to return it for something we like better? Or is there a more appropriate, less "insensitive" action we could take?
Wait a minute...that's no kinetic sculpture!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Do you like George's kinetic scultpure sitting up there at the top of the hill?
I'm always ready for that!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you ready to be probed by aliens?
Nail polish and a wig.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Remind me...what's the boyscout motto?
Go ahead and pretend.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What should I do before I tend to the wounded?
It is an incorrect Oxygen/Nitrogen mix.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is this class so stifling?
100 billion stars.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Bad, bad pick up line: Want to know what I see in your eyes that makes me sure you were made in heaven?
Only if the stapler is red.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Bad, bad pick up line: Want to know what I see in your eyes that makes me sure you were made in heaven?
Only if the stapler is red.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
DO you think the marriage between the Communist Paper passer and the girl who staples his papers will last?
Repeating a bad pickup line doesn't make it better.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Hey, wanna come down to my house and shake it up a little? Hey, wanna come down to my house and shake it up a little?
Stop that! It's sending out lethal waves of stupid!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Wow, that is one crappy tatoo!
Let there be meatloaf.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did God say to the lions as he tossed Adam and Eve out of the Garden?
A stack of flour tortillas.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
What do you wanna bet?
Let me in on that action.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I had a really funny response to that, but it was most certainly PG-13 or higher Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
You want some, Billy Joe Bob?
I want some.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What would you say to...FIERY DEATH?
Greco-Roman architecture and a pina colada
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Tell him his puishment! <not quite a question but it works>
"I'm so excited, I just can't hide it, I know, I know, I know I want you..."
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What do you say when you shower with 80 men?
A broken hardrive.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
I want the cheapest thing you have.
You did 80 men in 10 minutes....
Posted by Darth Mauve (Member # 3606) on :
We just read through that new book, "80 Men I Knew" by Maddonna in record time.
Keep it clean, or keep me informed.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Any word of advice before I leave for endercon?
It's always this loud.
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited June 05, 2002).]
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
How did you get to be that loud while "sleeping"?
I know why you hate me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Were you always this cute?
Shhh...they're nesting.
Posted by wordman (Member # 1307) on :
What are those things crawling around your ear?
If the telephone would stop ringing, maybe I could do something about it.
[ February 28, 2004, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: wordman ]
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Aren't you goimg to do something about my phone lines? I'm paying you $50 an hour!
Your Mom and I had a nice night, we...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you going to be my new daddy this week?
Toe nail fungus.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What does Chess smell like?
A rose, by any other name...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Arroz con pollo?
Si no tiene el Schlitz, no tiene el gusto!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Q: Can you say that in Spanish?
A: Your mom.
Posted by blattos (Member # 3589) on :
who have put my cat in the microwave?
no I'll try to stop...
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Would you stop sniffing butts?
If I only had a brain...
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Q: What's 2+2?
A: So THAT'S what it looks like!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Imagine if a Mobius Strip and the Pentagon had children.
Kinder, gentler, totolertarian dictatorships.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would we get if that little dog from the Wizard of Oz ran the world?
A cavalcade of stars!
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Isn't he that psycho baby killer that lost his legs in Nam?
Sure, he picks at it all the time.
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited June 06, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is that, a second nose growing out of his elbow?
Extra strength pain killers.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Something I need...
"All you need is..., All you want is...LLLLLOOOOVVVVVEEEEE, All you need is..., All you want is..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the best Dave Matthew's song with a lyric stolen from the Beatles?
A Clockwork Orange.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What do you want?
"Like a virgin..., for the very first time..., like a virgin,virgin,virgin..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Has anyone ever set "Song of Solomon" to music?
Personal preference, and nothing more.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
You like guys?!
"Don't speak..., I know just what your thinkin..."
Posted by lilsciencepimp (Member # 3621) on :
So what did your girlfriend say when you pulled out the ring last night?
Gee...I wonder.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
H: Who do you think G will marry?
Bungee Running
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What do you get when you combine the olympics and extreme sports?
What does this button do?
Posted by Tweedy (Member # 2599) on :
I don't know... what does THIS button do?
It means the end of the world as we know it.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
I got a girlfriend!
"Red,Red Wiinnne..."
Posted by Tweedy (Member # 2599) on :
What did you smear in your hair again?
The real killer, is you.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
"Hello. I'm Jeeves, the butler."
I need a vacation!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Your going to work Saturday, right?
I don't think so, Tim.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
God bless us, everyone?
Redrum!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Hmmm... what should we pierce next?
They still think the earth is flat.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Why are those people constructing a gargantuan WonderBra?
Let the Wookie win.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
what if I don't want to lose my arms?
screw science, and math.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Which two fields of study are most relevant to the manufacture of metal fasteners?
Alien goo, or a left-over shake from McDonalds.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What were George Lucas's Orgin's?
Me.
Hobbes
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What comes after doe and Ray?
Who's on first.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Who's on first?
No, What's on second.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What the Heck?
Uh, that would be Bob Holston.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Say, who's that guy, you know, the one with the thing, and he does that stuff, you know?
It's a dongle.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
What's that thing between the dingle and the dangle?
Oh my God, it's a mountain lion!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And now, Adam, what name will you give this creature?
It was furry, tall, and grunted whenever it moved.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What was your first husband like?
9 out of 10 doctors recommend it.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Why do you wipe your @ss with sand paper?
You must be very quiet when swirling it.
[edit: spelling as usual]
[This message has been edited by NdRa (edited June 10, 2002).]
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Why did you get that silenced blender?
Nooooo!! My walnuts!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
:: opens medicine cabinet :: Got any aspirin? :: nuts go tumbling everywhere ::
Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits, of course.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You chose what for the soundtrack to Mother Theresa's biographical documentary?
I'm including that in my second book, "More of That About Which I Know."
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Where are you going to stick that goofy picture of you yelling at a cloud?
Go to chat....go to chat....
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the web equivalent of telling spirits to "go to the light...go to the light..."?
A blank check.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Who's the second worse person, after the Polak, to compete on a game show? [cheezy rim shot in the background]
8 ball, corner pocket.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Is there a hole in your pocket and are you happy to see me?
Rinse, lather, repeat. Always repeat.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do I do after I rinse and lather?
Beach Ball Bunny
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
Quick! Make up a phrase in which every word starts with the letter B!
And Alderan's not far away, it's californication...
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How much further do we have? Let me see the map-- oh my God! What is that movie producer doing with those two girls and that circus bear on the unicycle with the plunger, W-D40, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, the man with the nose bleed, and the remains of the elephant man!?
[I had to punch it up a little to make the joke work]
One lump, thank you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you get when you "punch it up a little?"
The White Tornado!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you get when a cyclone hits the whitewash factory?
Cleveland and Dayton
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
What is there in Ohio? Anything?
ALL ABOARD!!!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did the Mad Conductor say right before the train jumped the tracks?
Only your hairdresser knows for sure.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Does anyone know how to cover or take out this blue dye?
Bowser
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Who is your favorite in Super Smahs Bros. Melee?
I've got the cd.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you have LOVE IN YOUR LIFE?
His name's a palindrome.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Can't you say anything good about Bob?
Out from under his toenail.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Where did he get that thread-killing potion he gave me?
Oh, no, not the 70's!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, wanna listen to my Hendrix 8-track?
I have the certificate right here.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You fit eleven cheerios in your nose?
He was found strangled on his Windows mouse.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Watson, how was Mr. Gates murdered?
Bill and Ted
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Now, who can we get to pull this off?
A BIC lighter.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Ok, Bob. If my calculations are correct, you're about to be launched back in time to about 150,000 years ago. At this point, homo erectus is still very agressive and not advanced at all. What would you like to bring along to ensure your survival if you happen to fall in among a tribe of them?
[Yes, I'm baiting him, but I want to be sure that he catches on.]
Dazed and confused.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Q: Hey! That looks like YOU in that gay porno! Hey man, you feeling ok?
A: WTF
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are the initials of the last three days of the week, before the weekend?
This. Oh. Yeah. It goes over there. Yep. In the round one. OR POBPir2? What the hell is that? some kind of demented circle?
There's only one way out of here, and it doesn't look good.
Edit to add an answer. Oops. :P
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited June 13, 2002).]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Q: So, do you want to go get a doughnut?
A: Well, I just liked the color!
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Right... you really didn't know what the saying on your t-shirt meant?
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you think of people who talk in Dr. Seuss rhymes?
Pickled pigs' feet.
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
What will my mother make for lunch with the extended family?? (very delicious btw)
Below the sky, in a million tiny pieces.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
After the tornado where did your house wind up?
A watch fob
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what'd you buy with the money from selling your hair?
Similar, but not quite the same.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of the words Synanom and Hononym?
Spelling is for the imagination impaired.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Don't you think that the "i before e, except after c" rhyme is a clever learning device?
Absolutely not. No... well, maybe once or twice. Alright, every single day, Your Honor, sometimes twice.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Papa Moose...is it true?
And that is why I never wash my hands.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, is that chicken finger-licking good?
That's Sir Mick Jagger to you.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So which new knight do I get to joust with today?
But these calories are not fattening.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Thats an afully big helping of chunky chunky choclate chip.
Yep.
Hobbes
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Do you have any last words?
Just swallow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ugh, whis sthuff statshes thorrible. Whaths in ith?
I think it was a double entendre.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did he want a single or double?
Roasting on a spit.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Where do you think administrators who condone cheating and plagiarism should end up?
They're just no good after they get all scratched up.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Why are we leaving the hobbits in the briar patch?
The Santa Claus stand-in was not in the contract.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why are those midgets in funny shoes burning down the mall?!
Checkmate.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's a good name for a private investigator service that specializes in tracking cheating spouses?
It's loosely based on Dune, with a little Smurf mixed in.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
So what's the next Sprite commercial based on?
Bite me, doughboy!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What is kinky sex for Mrs. Pillsbury?
Hey, Mikey! I think he likes it!
Posted by Pseudonym (Member # 3006) on :
Want to try Jihad Flakes? They have extra Islam-juice on them!
Either Florence or Alabama.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Either positively or negatively, what is the one place that is historically most noted for its culture? (And what exactly do you mean by "Islam-juice." Are you trying to say that that isn't just milk in my cereal?)
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Shoot the man in the back of the head, and you eat the fish for that day.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
So what did he tell you just as you grabbed the gun and hesitated in giving him the fish?
"Can you see my..., tonight..." "In the jungle we..., tonight..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the recognition code and when does it go into effect?
A huge bag of yellow LEDs.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What's worse than yellow snow?
Don't quote me on that.
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Did I hear you right? You hate the quote chain thread?
I have the worst luck. Period.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true that people who use the full names of punctuation marks (like saying "period" after a sentence) will never get into heaven?
Everyone should try it at least once.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
What do you think about that new "Death by SPEED!!!" roller coaster?
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't DIE!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the most disgusting thing you can think of to post?
Charge it to my account.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
How will you be paying for your porn subscription sir?
That sounds like a personal problem.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
THE MONKEY! THE MONKEY! IT HAUNTS MY DREAMS!!!
She tried to kill me with a forklift!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
So how did the rednecks "alien" abduction story end?
You bought your mother a keg of beer to celebrate Father's day all because your dad died...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why was Chess celebrating nearly killing off the thread?
Ask a stupid question...
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
You mean to tell me that "bed-wetting" is the leading cause of chain mesh underwear rust?
It needs salt.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is your impression of SPam?
Spam, spam, spam, spam.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, looking out of the Maps, maps, maps, maps store, what do you see?
Dark curly hair.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
Alright..and what else would you like on that?
Make it a double.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Just how bad was your day?
I'm moving where!!!????
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Stop saying that! I said where!
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why Pinky, if we just had a giant magnet and five aboriginal gold fish, someone nasty enough could take over the world.
Never play Brain Games with missing pieces.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why so puzzled?
But I have a restraining order!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What plea did the Grandmother enter in the court case regarding her bondage den?
Stop or I'll shoot!
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited June 18, 2002).]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Who wants to watch Episode 1 again?
Well I can get the the bread and the chain link fence, but the three-hundred cats will be a problem.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you help me set up a feline socialization program at the prison?
All I wanted was an orange highlighter.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did you buy that late night infomercial product that came with the free orange highlighter and then throw the miracle hair-removing cream away?
I picked it up from Mobius.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How on earth did you develop Turrett's syndrome?
Yes, I think that I would.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
You wouldn’t like to act wild and crazy and do some female bonding would you? Basically go to see the Ya Ya Sisterhood and to a male strip club.
Abstract Posters drive me up the wall.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why is that BMer on your wall?
Rhymes with itch.
Posted by Vaultgirl (Member # 2626) on :
What did you just call me?!
I just felt like it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you buy Strider's idea on e-bay?
Circumlocution, I would have to say.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What is it when the power lines get wrapped all the way around the victim?
"I read Ender's Game and all I got was this T-shirt"
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
So, how was that timeshare meeting?
I want some, now!!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
So, how would you like a a personal army, a large expensive german car, and 800 cases of all-natural laxitive?
*stormtrooper picks up metal ring and faces officer* "Look sir, Chain mesh underwear!"
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Chess wuz here!!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
jehovid -- LOL!!!
What's our next item up for bid?
Cheez Whiz here.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What does it say outside the door of the dairy products' bathroom?
The blue sets off your eyes nicely.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Do I look okay in this Nitrogen Suit?
Cheeeezzzzzz Wiiizzzz, tha's all we's got.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You don't have any Muenster either? What kind of Cheese Shop is this?
Monty Python v.s. Montezuma's Revenge
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I know this is the end, but which end?
Now with miracle microfibers and collagen!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, is that the new Cher 6.0?
Thigh-high, red leather
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How can you tell we've reached downtown New-York?
Quarter past five and a couple of maroon geese.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Excuse me sir, could you tell me the time, and what those wonderful slacks are made out of?
I always keep a backup copy.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Darn! What are you going to drive now that your car was totaled?
No, he's always like this.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that what happens when a man's soul is ripped out of his body?
First, I had to learn how to make curly fries.
Posted by Polystyrene (Member # 3612) on :
How did you become Wendy's Employee of the Month?
Going, Going, Gone!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have a bid of 15 cents for this rare collectors item, the plastic tip of Micheal Jackson's nose. 15 cents going once. 15 cents going twice...
I'm Bad, I'm Bad. I know it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What punishment hurts us more than it hurts you? Say it for me!!!
Helen of Troy wasn't worth it.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Bobalapolous? (<---funny part of the joke) Why couldn't you trade Paris for the fleet of 999 ships?
Bobby Fischer-Price
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you know where I can get a chess set with Weebles as the various pieces?
I maxed out my credit card, of course.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
How come all the furniture is gone?
never more, never GOD DAMN more!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What did the raven say?
Try checking in the couch.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Where are my walnuts?
"...And that we may blow our enemies into tiny bits, in His mercy."
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What else would you like for Christmas Timmy?
A blister, a broken finger and a smile.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Please explain that to me, ludosti.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What are some things that Ronald McDonald's pyscho twin, Donald, loves to see?
I am the cheese.
(Fossil, little Timmy is obviously quoting Holy Grail as a sarcastic reply to what he wants for Christmas because he knows that every Christmas all he ever wants is an electric train set but he doesn't get anything because he's Jewish.)
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
You smell, are yellow, sometimes have holes in you, and mice are fond of you. What are you?
Some call me....*dramatic pause* Tim.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who may I say is calling?
Only the overwhelming fear.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So was it the overwhelming fear of talking to audiences that made you vomit or was it also the shame of having forgotten your pants?
I'm trying to free your mind.
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
What's a popular assertion for people that are trying to get you to give them money?
They jumped off the bridge first.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
So, Mr. Troll, what do you have to say for yourself?
I mistook the d and f keys.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Did you just call me a fudus?
Because its Tuesday.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can't you do something about that dragon?
Justice, then Mercy, I'm pretty sure.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What are your least favorite virtues?
I beat him up.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you finally get him upstairs?
A benzene ring and a Freudian slip.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Your wife suspects you and your secretary because of what???
Press any key.
Posted by Shlomo (Member # 1912) on :
Hey Bob, what'd you have for dinner last night?
Nucleomagnetic fission.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What'd the teacher give you a dentention for?
Salsa
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Dude, what's the secret ingredient in chocolate shake?
Only if I get the pictures afterwards.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
Are you in for a Hatrack photobooth session after Endercon?
Oh, no..... Not another one.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Should I start a "God I hate Sharon Thread"?
Road Rage: The Extreme.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Have you heard that song about road rage by The Offspring?
Ironic, I just happen to know what you did last summer.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What does God say when he's being sarcastic?
It works for me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And you say you actually get dates by singing The Star Spangled Banner backwards?
Two coats of wax.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Your mom coated you in wax?
Chess is an idiot. (did this just to see what happens)
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
The truth is out there...
The cream cheese in my pockets is very messy.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited June 25, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's that squishing noise?
Yellow, puce, and dark mauve.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
can you discribe the paint cans that attacted you?
mind your p's and q's and your cakatoo.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
What was Kipling's favorite advice to reject?
No, the blue sign means that YOU are out of order.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Out of order? How can the judge's gavel be about of order?
That is the opinion of the wise.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
I think Chess is an idiot, do you? (j/k Chess, I had to)
Dude, I didn't want to see that...ever.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Shall we cut the baby in two?
Doubles tennis, or maybe it's another family feud.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What was all that talking about getting their balls into a net?
Well the waiter certainly didn't see it that way!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
*one chef faces another* I thought that live squid in the calamari would be pretty funny, didn't you?
I am Government Man, come from the Government. The Government has sent me.
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited June 25, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you here to help?
Trash pickup is Monday and Thursday.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Why don't you ask me out?
There's no such thing as fairies.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What is it that makes you think San Fransisco is a make-believe place?
How do you say "cheese that goes 'crunch'" in Portugese?
Permanent marker.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
...and here is your wine and your...bees, sir?
Harry Pothead and the stoned sorcerer.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you read that new book on living in LA?
Los Lobos in Las Vegas
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey you, Mexican-immigrant person, why is everyone running out of Las Vegas with tattered clothing and looks of sheer terror on their faces?
(Phew! This almost died among the first amendment squabbling.)
Nothing a little bourbon won't fix.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, jeho, is your schizophrenia acting up again?
I couldn't resist.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you borrow my chain mesh underwear again?
It's good for you!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
OK Mr. Skywalker, we'll flip for it. Heads I'm the Jedi and your the Sith lord, Tails, its evil for me and....
Josie and the venemous sabertooth pussy cats.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So what're they changing their name to since they've been taking horse steroids to "toughen up" their image?
I like mine with lettuce and tomato.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you spell Dictionary?
Englebert Sinatra
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did the French mob accuse you of mispronouncing?
I will get post 1000
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey Locke, have you been to the Chain Mesh Underwear Fan Club thread?
I got my Ph.D. from there.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Can you believe McDonald's has a "college"?!
Make three lefts and go straight for 1 block.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If two wrongs don't make a right, what does?
Hamburger Heaven, French Frie Heck.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Where do the good spellers go and where do the bad spellers go?
Try remembering the last place you saw them.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
Where are my pet rocks!??? I have to find my pet rocks!!!
Elves, wizards, hobbits, and a creature with wings who can't even fly.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why didn't Tolkien put penguins in the Lord of the Rings?
3 Turtle Doves !?!? Hobbes
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Give me your reaction to this: I think that since the the coming of the new millenium is such a milestone in human history, we should make all the numbers go up by one.
Objection, Your Honor! He's badgering the witness!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why is there a badger in the courtroom?
Next please.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Mobius (edited July 02, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can I play the role of Ender in the movie?
Sherbert and Calomine lotion.
Posted by Seppuku (Member # 3730) on :
What did you have for breakfast?
And that's when the goats attacked.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What did you do to avoid AIDS???
Verse 7 He was a large man, because he carried the lovechild of Bill Cosby, and he ate only sesame seeds and he did always carry an orange in his left hand.
Verse 8 And he walked in favor with the Lord, for he did not cut his hair nor did he girdle his loins with cheese.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you ran all the way across the football field, avoided the punt return team and kissed the ref full on the lips. When were you arrested?
You say Tomato I say Heizenberg Principle
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Who do you think you are, a quantum physicist?
Ya, he smells fine, but he'll bight your head off without a warning.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is your husband still using that Mike Tyson cologne?
My credit report arrived.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's the difference between listening to a Britney Spears CD and eating one?
99 bottles of beer on the wall.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ever been on a school field trip?
Smokey the llama.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Who's Joe Camel's cousin?
They're going to Endercon.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where were they going so fast with the keg?
It wasnt me, it was the one armed man!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who pinched me?
Garganzola Granola
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there an upscale version of Cheesy Poofs?
All I wanted was a full size spare.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you get a pool?
Put it out, put it out!!
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 04, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Oooh that chili was good. Hey, see my finger, quick...
Yummy Yummy, tastes good in the tummy.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What did you think of her baby?
Anything for King Kashue!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Could i borrow a bag of peanuts?
Go down 2 blocks, turn left, past 3 lights and you're there.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Mobius (edited July 05, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And you were so in awe you couldn't think of one deep thing to say?
Now with double the placenta!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What does is say on the side of the New and Improved FertiliPill box?
I can't find the remote control.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Dude...why is your hand in my pocket?
it had to be the chihuahuas...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who left this crap all over the carpet?
I think you know the answer to that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Only a fool would presume to know the meaning of life, the univers, and everything.
You let the dogs out.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
(Resists the urge.) Why are you fingering that knife and looking at me angrily, Cruella DeVille?
100 mph.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
If one more Mutant Hamster gets pregnant, do you know what we'll have?
Vow one, Let the easy ones go.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again why you intentionally spoiled our whale hunt by opening Shamu's tank to the open ocean?
They forgot to convert to metric units.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
(Dan, lol)
Why are my European-imported pants always falling down?
It's right behind you.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
"Where did my hair go?" -unicorn's husband
A cup of tea will do nicely.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
After last night I bet you'd like something to revive your strength, right?
Nuke the whales!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What should we do after we're done draining all the oil out of Alaska, Mr. Bush?
In my sock drawer, next to the revolver.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you got any protection?
Sounds like overkill to me.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Hey, let's drain the ocean and then nuke 'em.
You'll need heavy duty gloves for that.
Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :
Do you think that these will work, to handle this plutonium core?
THX-1138
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Say, is that "American" grafitti? What's it say?
It's all Greek to me.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Do you know the difference between Chinese and Japanese architechture?
I would, but I'm depressed.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
"Hey big boy", said the female tongue to the male tongue, "want to get to know each other a little better?"
Because it's easier than trying to teach them to whistle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why, in God's name, would you teach the children to burp on command?
It's sort of like a bird's beak, only bigger.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
No, I haven't seen Michael Jackson's latest plastic surgery.
No, I ate three pounds of Cheez-it's instead.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sheesh! How come I keep tripping when I try to jump over this book?
Actually, I think the plural is octopusses.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What if there's more than one group of eight sissies? What insult can we hurl at them then?
No it isn't.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
The world is round, isn't it?
I'd like to help, but I'm busy Saturday. I'm trying to solve Pi.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Saturday is the day I clean out my septic tank. I expect you to help unless you have a good excuse.
Everybody's doing the locomotion.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come the Segway isn't selling well?
Yeah, thanks, but you've mispelled my name.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Mr. Bob Psycopath, my name is Smith Smithers and I'm calling to tell you about the all-expenses-paid trip to the Bermuda Triangle being given away this weekend! Would you care to purchase a raffle ticket for only $500?
Greasy, grimy gopher guts.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What do you get when a gopher sticks his head out of the ground just behind your golf ball as you're getting ready to swing?
I haven't seen you here before.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What would you say if a female sheep were to post on this page?
I've been fleeced.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What do you realize after watch "The Fleecing of America" on the NBC Nightly News?
That was my conclusion too, but then I realized it was wrong, so now you can have it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
But I thought you said you hadn't gained weight since high school. You don't fit in the size 6 sundress?
Yes, but I think a shovel would be cheaper.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Pamela Anderson is dumber than a shovel.
I dig it man.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
I'm building a secret passage to China, you want to help?
E = mc... ah darn it, I can't remember.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What is the only question on the pan-galactic test for sentience?
A death cast of Leonardo DaVinci.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Welcome to the Rennaisance Pro-Bass Tourney here in Pisa. We take you to our favorite, Mr. Da Vinci, who is about to cast for the first time this morning, and its good. Its great. Why, I'd call it...
Glorified Carnations and corny Gloriolas
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 09, 2002).]
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What'd you give your girlfriend at the prom?
Extra electrons on the 8th and 9th outer quad-rings.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why didn't you stop and pick up the dry cleaning on your way home?
The Manhattan Project.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Hey, while I was busy defending our country and you were sitting on your lazy @ss, what were you doing?
I hear voices in my head, and they don't like you.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why do you always wear an aluminum foil helmet when we're together?
I collect rice.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
How do you keep making your pet birds explode?
That's just too much information in the yellow pages.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What a detailed description of this escort service.
No, but he keeps throwing his feces at the family portrait.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So the fundamentalist Christian really doesn't mind being related to monkeys?
80 proof.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
My, my...this Earl Gray is giving me a wonderfully warm feeling. What's your secret?
He was a goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
Why in the world would a man choose to live in Canada?
A rubber chicken, two pounds of beef jerkey, and three pairs of handcuffs.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's a good recipe for Thanksgiving fun?
Square watermelons.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
You know what a good Christmas present for Gallagher would be?
Just a little bit...underneath my fingernails.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, did you ever get anything from your father?
An inflatable keyboard might be nice.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
AHH! im afraid of drowning! what can i get to help me?
Fried Green Potatoes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you name even one Southern dish that doesn't taste great?
Endercon 4004.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
What's the best reason for the development of an "immortality pill".
"Rubber Baby" (tm) brand buggy bumpers.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did Susie buy with the money she made selling sea shells at the sea shore?
Herculean efforts are required.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How do you peel yourself away from Hatrack?
Girls Gone Mild
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
What do Amish teenagers with hormones watch?
Dude, you're gettin' a Dell!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why did you just put your foot through the screen?
No days off for good behaivor.
Hobbes
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
But honey! I know we agreed that the wife makes the rules but I've been real good and I wanna go to Endercon!
His marbles? I don't want to think about that...
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
I lost my marbles, have you seen them?
Rhymes with shit knee beers.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Come on, can't you even give us a hint on who's going to be on your cover next month, Mr. Playboy editor?
All I did was replace his regular coffee with the blood of a unicorn. What's the big deal?
A quaking aspen.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Mix three parts Gin, one part Vodka, and a famous Colorado Ski Town, then stir vigirously. What do you call it?
I'll take a mixed drink.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Honey, the visiting teachers will be here soon...do you want a vivarin to keep you from falling asleep this time?
I don't know...three pounds is an awful lot.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Honey, I'm pretty sure that this is human feces.
Sir, yes, sir!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the absolutely worst thing you could say to your wife when she asks if this outfit makes her look butch?
Purgatory light.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I think we should have some sort of minimum security hell for all those people who tear the tags off of mattresses. Hmmm...what should we call it?
I lost it in a freak corkscrew incident.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Frisco, where'd my freak corkscrew go?!
I'm getting close.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Jehovoid, have you collected enough information on Earth to report back to your home planet?
Yes, from America.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
You're American?!
(while I'm spouting movie quotes}
I can't...they've tied my shoelaces together.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Can you show me some of your yo-yo tricks?
Dude! You're gettin' a Dell!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you mean, I should put tech support on my speed dial?
It's just like in "The Scarlett Letter"...only I have to wear an "M".
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Do you masterbate?
MWAAHAHAHAHA!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'd like to take a one-post time out for Dr. Mobius to get his act together. I knew you were awake...are you drunk?
I guess that'll double as my question, as the answer is quite appropriate. My answer:
I told him his oven was on.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why am I laughing evilly?
Dude! Your gettin' a Dobie!
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Ok, so I've killed twenty men; what's my punishment?
Red ink, all over.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What happens when the GOP retakes control of the government?
I want my tax cut and I want it NOW!
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
If you could choose between Britney and being immortal, what would it be?
Don't you worry, it's all paid for!
Posted by Ellie (Member # 3481) on :
What's this hooker doing in my hotel room?
Because monkeys are the superior race!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey! Wait a minute, how come I'm inside the cage?
It's either a giant calendar or a very small scale map of the universe.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
OK smart guy, if you don't see Elvis in my armpit stains, what DO you see?
Baldarness
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a word that will stun and confuse my simple mind?
42
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
Wait, how many times did you open the closet door before you found that it wasn't the way out?
Down by the old mill stream.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Which part of the Shire do you miss the most Sam?
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you think the dolphin was trying to say when he did the back flip while whistling the star spangled banner before he was beamed up into space?
Yes i am.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey! Where're you going with all that salmon? You need to pay for those!
I thought I was forgetting something.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you check to see if someone else had already posted?
Douglas Adams
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Who was the blacksheep of the Addams family that got led astray by "The Salmon of Doubt"?
Anything goes!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
You sure about that?
Yo' Showtay'!
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited July 14, 2002).]
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What did the cool tribesman say to get his friend's attention?
So that's where that 450 count box of number 8 pencils went.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
HOW COME YOU KEEP RUNNING OUT OF PENCILS!??
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What would be an appropriate thing to say to Nsync?
Those are my cookies!!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What would you say to a greedy computer nerd who can't find good stuff on his computer anymore?
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala...boredom is not the answer!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a seven letter word that rhymes with whoredom?
Microsoft.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
(ROFLMAO)
What could be another name for human midgit babies?
You're not worth it!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
My name is pee wee herman, wanna see a movie?
10% fruit juice
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
(A Company Marketing Meeting) "What advertising phrase can we put on our corn syrup-overdosed fruit drinks to scam Americans into thinking they are buying a nutritious product?"
There's my bamboo!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wont somebody help that kid being attacked by the panda bear? She only has a stick!
How reassuring.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
"Hmm...start Nuclear war or go to Austin Powers, Jackie Chan and Chris Rock for help?" George Bush.
I be's da bestest stoodent of da year, fo' sho'!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what exactly are you going to write for your Harvard application essay?
I'm sorry, I could't hold it any longer.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
Man, why did you just pee all over my leg? (really did happen to me in elementary school)
There's an eye on the flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the whole in the bottom of the sea.
[This message has been edited by Marlozhan (edited July 15, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Are you really that stupid? C'mon admit it?
99 bottles of beer on da wall, 9 *hiccup* 9 bottles of be*hiccup*er! take one down pass it a*hiccup*round ("No, It's mine!"), 98 bottles of beer on the wall *BAM* *fainted*
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what did you do in your spare time while writing this your epic doctoral thesis on the credibility of Pinky and Brain?
I wish you would just believe what I'm telling you!
[This message has been edited by Narnia (edited July 15, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Oh, so now you're gay? What's next?
In this case then, I suggest 'Homocil'!!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Did you know you watch SNL too much?
Look dude! A pack of shoebies just swarmed the beach.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Keep walking...who really cares about a sinking corgo ship full of cheap womens' shoes?
It was about the size of a watermelon.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
So...how big was that watermelon at the picnic Sunday?
Yes...but I had to dislocate my jaw.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Fat Bast**d, did you really eat a baby?
Big Mac
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
You have something stuck in your teeth; hold on, let me look...oh my gosh! It's an entire--
Yes.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
You wanna cyber?
Yeah, that's what they all say.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
I don't even like your chain mesh underwear, why would I steal it?
I'm being attacked by starving crazed weasels.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Why are you standing like that?
If at first you don't suceed....cheat.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Psst! What's the meaning of life?
Aliens don't exist...hey, what's that bright light...AAAHHHH!!!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So, do you want to come aboard our ship and learn the mysteries of the universe?
I had no idea someone could be that stupid.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who was the idiot who said latex was the next levi?
No! the baby is over there.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Where is it? You killed it! You sicko!
Get off the line you damn telemarketer, I'm expecting a call!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Can I speak to the owner of this establishment? Would you like to take a survey? How many cars do you own? Do you prefer sprite or seven up? Whats your favorite book? Do you like beans? Im sorry did i call at a bad time?
I forgot... um..... maybe.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Do you suffer from memory loss?
It's ok, I'm gonna shoot you in the head.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Not my future children!!
Damn capitalist pigs!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Would you like to buy a car? Here, how about this one? I know it looks like a piece of shit, but I can assure you it's in excellent condition under the hood. I'll let you have it for only $10,000.
[cough]T. Smith is a newbie.[cough]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a great thing to say to piss me off?
Tell me something i dont know.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
(resists urge to call him a newbie) What's the human equation got to do with solving pi?
WTF, the gravity machine is broke again.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
ET, are you lifting those clay planets?
Id much rather stay out here.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What are you doing you idiot? Get back in the space ship.
I just bought a new lawn mower. Now if only I had a lawn to mow.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hows life at sea treating you?
Thats freakin amazing!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
You're a damn fool, you know that don't you?
Hello...doh, I thought you were the pizza guy.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hi im elder smith, and this is my companion elder christiansen and were members of the church of jesus crist of later day saints. Would you mind if we came in?
You wish
Posted by Leto II (Member # 2659) on :
Has Dr. Mobius finally been caught for his crimes against decent human beings yet?
Vicious burning fatal accident.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Soo, does that mean you don't have my pizza?
French toast and strawberries.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What's your sexual fantasy?
No, I don't want to change my long distance company!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hello, are you currently eating dinner and/or have soap in your eyes because you just got out the shower to answer the phone?
We gotta r-u-n-n-o-f-t!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How many times should we runn?
Im not intrested, quit knocking on my door.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Here's your pepporoni pizza, sir. The total comes to $13.56. Will you be paying with cash or a check?
Raindrops keep fallin' on me 'ead...
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited July 17, 2002).]
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What were you singing during the Chinese water torture?
I said pastries, not panties.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why are you so upset, won't these work for the deacon's housewarming party?
This is only a drill!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Wow! Is that like an entire machine shop in one handy tool?
I'm running out of patience.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited July 17, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have $45,000 owed on my Lexus and $150,000 owed to the Country Club. I'd love to do more appendectamies but....
I'm back from Vegas
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What happened? Did someone mug you and take everything but your boxers?
It was great, except that I got struck by lightning.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you enjoy dressing up like the tin-man?
The Ozzbourne Identity.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What was that movie where the guy just wandered around mumbling "Who am I?"
You better sit down.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why didn't you tell us you had hemeroids?
People; I'm allergic to people.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
why are you so afraid of being social?
Sorry, im LDS
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why do you keep putting Postum in the coffee maker!
Just over-compensating I guess.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you always hang out with the genious's? (sp)
You're a nark!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who thinks I should call T_Smith's mommy and tell her that he's playing on the internet when he should be sleeping?
I pick them off and ball them up in a napkin.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Man, this scab collection is fantastic! What's your secret?
Would you like fries with that?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You owe us all a Double Quarter-Pounder with cheese for almost derailing the thread with your double-question post, okay?
I have two glass eyes.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How come I can see you brain?
Make 7Up YOURS!!
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
Bachlor #2, I love a man with sexy eyes.. what color are yours?
It was the moose's fault! I swear!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How are we supposed to know you're talking about antlers when you yell out "NICE RACK?"
Prescott's The History of the Conquest of Mexico
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited July 18, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Where'd the idea for "The Mexican" come up from?
REspect the cream cheese, da**it!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do I make my bagel happy?
Lox, lots of yummy lox.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats that your eating?
(btw, lox is both smoked salmon and liquid oxygen)
Im going to "censor" those words.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you use the word "censor" in a sentence and make those funny quote marks with your fingers while doing it?
"Park Hopper."
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What does the hobo call himself now?
Obey the chickens. They can't control you forever.
Posted by Chani (Member # 3509) on :
we must rebel! death to the chickens!
when little boys grow up they become women. When little girls grow up they become men. wait...no...thats not right.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And now, a public service announcement from Dan Quayle on pollution:
It's like Shakespeare, but with a twist.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Have you seen the new Broadway play, "Chubby Checker and Juliet"?
We went cow-tipping instead.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you mean you didnt tip the pizza guy!?
I fail to see the threat
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...did you hear that Iraq was selling nuclear weapons to Canada?
Every other Thursday. Or whenever I'm really hungry.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Godzilla, when are you planning to visit Japan?
Robo-King Kong
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You have a birthmark? What does it look like?
In one ear and out the other.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
Has anyone ever looked closely at Sugar Babies candy lately? Do you know how they really make it?
I know what you really meant by that.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you ever tried car surfing at 50 mph?
I was confused there for a minute.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Put your clothes back on...I said "cube steak".
Freudian slip, sorry...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Look, its Sigmund in a dress.
Pyschoanalyze this.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Where is your journal?
not mine! NOT MINE!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whose speedo is this?
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I hear that the McDonald's training program is pretty in-depth.
I'm leaving.
(Dan, that was hilarious)
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
I heard Sesame Street was going to have an HIV puppet. Bernie where are you going?
Roses are red violets are blue....
[This message has been edited by unicornwhisperer (edited July 20, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell us Mr. Edgar Allen Poe, what is the scariest poem you ever written?
Quoth the Raven, Caw Caw.
(ps. Thanks for the compliment)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Oh demon of the night with satans eyes and satans jaw Will thoust go and kill my pa? I would but its agaisnt the law.
Thats not my mom.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh my God! Is this a picture of your mom! She's disgusting! Look at that huge beard and the manly features!
Can you repeat the question?
(sheesh, I'm losing it.)
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 20, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How does that malcolm in the middle song go again?
Go batman!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you say to encourage the man using the Batroom?
I feel flushed.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hows life in the toliet treating you flies?
dobie
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What do you call points for being punny?
Never on a Sunday.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Want a cup of coffee? (eddie izzard reference there)
covered in bees!
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 20, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's the best way to get fresh honey?
Film and Television star
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What should Al Gore not try to be?
Dont ask, and i wont tell.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is that strange smell?
A sloth, an aardvark, and one bottle of pickle relish.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
This casserole is so... different. Can you tell me what's in it?
Oh no, not again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you like your possum cooked?
Black gold, Texas tea.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did Ellie Mae serve at her garden party?
Yippee-Kai-O-Kai-Yay!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Are there really Japanese cowboys?
WARNING: THIS PROFILE MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT SAX AND GRAPHIC VIOLINS.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What would a movie featuring Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky at the Kennedy Center look like?
Make it so number two.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
What do you have to do in the bathroom?
The spinner is stuck on green.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Why do you keep putting your foot in that circle?
Vroom vroom
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Grandma! Grandpa thinks he's a race car again!
Here's to hoping...
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
You heard they are not making 3 MORE Star Wars movies?
I never thought it was possible for a person to get like that.
[This message has been edited by Vampire Hunter D (edited July 21, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Vampire Hunter D (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Did you read the book Lost Boys?
A pencil, a bucket of mud, and David Bowles.
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
What do you have in your basement Zevlag?
I take the right pills, sometimes.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
[Fie! Edited for slow fingers. ]
[This message has been edited by ClaudiaTherese (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Are you insane!?
42
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
How many times have you been arrested for indescent exposure?!
There is only one count.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The rest are all fakes. I am the real Count Chocula.
There can be only one.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
How many kittens do we have to kill?
Peanut Butter and Jelly
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can you tell you were robbed by Billy the Kid?
It's fully automated.
Posted by Fourth (Member # 3853) on :
Wait, why are their so many baby monkeys?
Cheese!
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
How did you get all the rats out of your house?
Don't mess with texas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The long tall dude in the big hat made you you stay away from Hatrack for a whole week. Wow,... (This was supped to go with the previous post, but simo-posting. I edited to make work)
Swiss and Cheddar.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 21, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
What do you smell like?
duh! Shadow Puppets
[This message has been edited by Zevlag (edited July 21, 2002).]
Posted by needshelp (Member # 3404) on :
So what are we going to do at the rave your throwing?
I see *whisper* stupid people *whisper*
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Come on...why won't you go to K-mart with me?
A Bulgarian prostitute with a trick knee and an underbite.
Posted by graywolfe (Member # 3852) on :
What were you in your previous life Jesse Helms?
An oversized Mandible.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why do you call this ant "Mick Jagger?"
I'm just tellin' you what I heard...
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Wait, what did you say our president was again?
Fame in thirty seconds.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
A total lack of clothing + a ride in the back of a convertible through New York City =
AY! MIS CAJONES!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Man you look awful! Where were you hurt?
Stained-glass cathedral windows.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
What's a less expensive way to annoy a Protestant?
After the check bounces.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How can you hop out of debt?
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What do you see in my future?
Thirty-six cents and half of an oreo.
Hobbes
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How much does prostitute get?
Oxy-morons are smart people.
Posted by Airguitarist (Member # 2647) on :
What!?! I thought you said the bull was a genious?!?
10:15 on saturdays.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Wow...you're 32, you live at home, AND your mom makes you go to bed at 10:00 every night?
I fell down a lot.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What did you give up high-wire walking?
Yu-Gi-Oh.
Posted by Fourth (Member # 3853) on :
What the heck are those wierdos chanting?
Ah crap! Thats what its for?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The "edit post" button is for when you realize you screw something up after posting(like typing a question where there should be a comment). Do you need help finding it?
That's true...but I had government funding.
Posted by Fourth (Member # 3853) on :
Prostitutes are expensive these days.
Pencil! wait i mean blue!
[This message has been edited by Fourth (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Question 6, grade school IQ test: What color is a big blue pencil?
Mind-numbing...but I learned how to crochet.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How do you reveal your feminine side, sir?
The CROSS COMPELLS YOU!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are you poking me in the back with?
It's the motherboard.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
Hardware guy: It's not the soundcard, videocard, cd-rom, powersupply... Software guy: It's not MS Windows, not WordPerfect, not Drivers....
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why didn't Zevlag ask a question?
He also didn't give a response.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Was that an answer or a comment?
What the..
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm the Dark Knight, I'm BATMAN!
That happens every once in awhile. That's normal for all guys, right? RIGHT?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Um.... your facial hair is blue.
Only the newest of the newbies!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Who in their right minds would want to start an invisible thread?
You've hit the nail on the head, master.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Igor, as you know im blind and im hanging this picture of my great aunt up. Where did i put the nail?
Obviously, you've never been in love
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
With the hammer I use not hands, said Yoda.
(Darn, another Simo Post. Hmm, how should I change my question?)
The force is strong, young one. No force in galaxy, as strong, said Yoda.
My Yoda has a first name.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should i just refer to him as master jedi?
Obviously, you've never been in love.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I think women are great.
Who let the bioengineered dog out?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Woof, Woof, I say old man--Woof.
A talking dog is better than a talking frog.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...what was your main point in the Kermit the Frog/Goofy debate?
Oh...no, I was talking about the breakfast cereal.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Although my esteemed opponent in this debate maybe argue otherwise, I think it is quite evident that the merits of the speech endowed upon reptiles by Science far outweighs those endowed upon my fellow canines. However, my personal opinion is of no consequence. Therefore, I ask you to listen to the rebutal of my opponent and judge for yourselves:
Can this thing go any faster?
(Arrghh!! All of my efforts wasted!)
(just ignore my post, I'm too spent to correct it)
(oh good, you took so long coming up with a reply that you did, I'm glad)
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 22, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You touched his lucky charms?!
The hell with your spoiled baby! I need those shoes!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
We'll buy your Air Jordans, eventually...but first, I need to buy formula and a new blanket for Johnny, okay?
Apes. Big hairy apes.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, how does Frisco spell "kinky?"
Footloose and fancy free.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats are 2 good movies to cuddle up with my sweetheart?
Well, obviously I need floozies
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you have bad breath? Are your teeth browner than dirt? Well friends, let me tell you about the newest in Oral Gums that clean teeth, freshen breath, and give you that-mmm, mmm feelings. I'm talking New FLOOZIES by ronco.
Independent Research isnt.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Is all research made up?
(low blow by the way)
Blackmail is just an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 22, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So Mr. President, we either agree to support your Homeland Security Department or you'll have us all listed as enemy combatants and shipped off to pens in Cuba? Isn't that blackmail?
(I expect some comments on that joke.) (Sorry T-Smith, nothing personal. But...)
I just go with what they throw to me.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, what's the secret of being a successful trained seal?
Antihistamines, a butane lighter, and aluminum foil.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, this superhero of yours, Ordinary-Household-Items Man, does he have any special equipment?
It reminds me of James Bond.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Why do you have a big flying car stuffed in your garage?
My subscription to Nerds & Geeks weekly was canceled.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mr Bush, why the long face?
(dan, excellent question to my answer) (no offense taken from that one question either)
Its like theres a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How can you be shunned by Bill Gates?
(AS a Dare)
A cigarette, rest between her lips but I'm starin at her tits, it's the wrong way.
*smacks friend for making her does this, in order to get something from him* BRIBERY MUST BE STOPPED!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Quick, tell me: what you've been smoking, what youve been doing, and where you are going?
Its like theres a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
SO, vanila coke...
I'd say they have a one in three chance if they can lay their hands on the ultimate Gabazo
Hobbes
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
What are the odds he Indy can get the Frisbee of Doom from the Skypalace of the Ancients?
No, Scooby, that's the wrong drain!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Scooby-Dobby-DOOOOOOOOO
It is a large metal object with three pointed sticks ermerging from its center at an angle of pi/2
Hobbes
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What did you get from the Adam & Eve catalog?
Defense against the dark arts.
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
What's the best class to take for a budding dark arts wizard?
almond cookies shaped like millipedes.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
And you knew your son was crazy when he said what again?
A helicopter, and a gas mask.
Hobbes
Posted by Vampire Hunter D (Member # 3850) on :
What are we gonna need in France?
That isn't very likely.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I am to sexy for my clothes
Is so!
Hobbes
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
There is no way you can be right about anything. No. Not even a little. Uh uh. No way.
Freud would be pleased.
[This message has been edited by Polemarch (edited July 23, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
A penis shaped cigar?
On the bright side, I repel stray cats.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Okay, so you say that on your dark side, you collect lint. What about the other side?
I need the driver's side door to a '57 BelAir.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
Why did you tell the mechanic your 57' BelAir was stripped?
Because I needed the extra room in the space between the walls.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Why is all your furniture glued to the ceiling?
Well yes, Bob, but in a way, they are all CARP songs.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there some reason you keep posting this everywhere?
LOL
Discount golf.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What is round and explodes when you strike it?
Under my skin.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where did you hide your beauty for so long?
Flutes, a banjo, and a washtub bass.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Due to federal aid cutbacks, the philharmonic now consists of....
Phil from the Philly Philharmonic.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What does Puxatawnee Phil do after Groundhog day?
The Borscht Belt.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What did the German astronomers call the Milky Way?
(somehow, their candy bar never really took off)
It can fit in the palm of my hand.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell us about the love of your life.
To be me, or not to be me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are you going to call your essay about highschool?
Around here we call it "borrowing"
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Uh... isn't that type of "accounting" just a fancy way of stealing money from investors?
Sit on it.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Doesn't it hurt when you sleep on that bed? The one made of nails?
I was just snackin on a frisbee.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What the..??? THere's something beter than that you know or you have the mind of a dog?
Never smile when being kissed and when you see the person that attempted after a few years don't try and show your wild side in front of the wife.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey Ichikara, would you mind translating that into English from Japanese?
It's either the pig or the sheep.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I'm sorry to hear your girlfriend dumped you, what's next?
I'm afraid to say, Jimmy the Insomnia Mushroom said he wouldn't give me the key to the magical kingdom of Alderon if I told anyone.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Wow, what's your secret to preparing these lovely mushroom pops?
Well, maybe, but only after a good flogging.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, when we catch him, do you think we should treat Osama humanely?
I've got good teeth.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's that necklace made of?
He thpeakth with a lithp.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited July 24, 2002).]
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
What's Arnold Schwarzenegger like when he's not acting?
Why, September 4th my friend!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Do you want your million dollars on Sept 4th this year or never?
That and 50 cents might buy you a cup of coffee.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
I have sixty dollars, you wanna go to Starbucks?
I go where I want to go.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you peeing in my bowling trophy?
I stuffed her in a cardboard box.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
I wonder what the contortionist did? (I was wondering when you'd realize what I said)lol..(I changed it only because it wouldn't be the same if I juts did that...oh nvm)
Harder Better Faster Stronger.
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited July 24, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited July 24, 2002).]
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
<drill sergant voice>What am I compared to you?</voice>
Oh, I wouldn't know, I just got back from Maui.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me Mr. Dan Quayle, what did you think of Hawaii?
Aloha Hoi.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We interupt this regularly scheduled post to ask Maet to please go edit his post about the raper (sic).
That's really not something to joke about.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Yes....it's rapIST. Please edit.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
<---just realized that he was the implied rapist.
Maybe you should edit the whole question...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You say you learned Hawaiian AND Yiddish?
I'm Henry VIII, I am.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, you murdered 3 of your wives, divorced 2 and exiled the rest, who do you think you are?
You feel up my senses, Like a knife in the forest.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey everybody, thanks for coming to the first meeting of the John-Denver-loving-future-serial-killers-of-America Club. Who wants to start us off with an original lyric?
When I say she was toasted, I mean she was toasted with a capital 'T'.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Where're you going with that huge butterknife?
Yeah, those were the days...
Posted by Amorphous (Member # 3838) on :
Remember that time I bought a gigantic rubber chicken and then I beat you with it and forced you to listen to christian rock?
I just feel like I don't know you anymore, you gigantic carrot colored fetus.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
You're breaking up with me? Is it because I speak in backwards sanskrit in my sleep?
Cream Cheese and Toast!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
All we've got left in the kitchen is cream cheese and crap, or cream cheese and toast. What'll you have?
I'm sure she said it, but I don't believe she knows what she's talking about.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, she finally said she loves you?
Puritans, Quakers, and Atheists.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What was the name of that new ethnic law firm?
Compassion and obsession
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are the two types of conservatives working for our president?
That is a real Houdini Who Done it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you think about my new novel, "A Murder at a Magicians Conference"?
Pork fried rice and a 40oz Mad Dog 20/20.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was the original "Breakfast of Champions?"
Dune Buggies.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
No, I haven't finished Exodus. How does Joshua's family escape Egypt?
It's deeper than a spoon, but not by much.
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
Oh, Frisco...tell me again about your love for me...
I think I said "aphids".
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"Its not a lie. I never tell you any fibs." said John. Mary responded, "No, I said....
(Double posted. Darn)
A horse, a horse of course.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 25, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey wilbur, what does your wife look like again?
Hey wait a minute, thats MY hotel on Park Place.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
This hotel looks so familiar. Are you sure we left Atlantic City, or are we going in circles?
Putting the keg in the tuba and drinking from it like a funnel looked good at the time.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
A Proctologist: So tell me, how did you get the poodle stuck in there?
I stack up, baby!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's Ralphie's second favorite phrase?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Are you really a CIA agent?
5 minutes- 4 hours can't = to 1 year with someone dear.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Steven Mahaluk, you've just been awarded the "Worst Mathematician in America" award. Do you have anything to say to the romantics out there?
46-23-33
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I was one of the vote counters in Florida. Want to hear me count? 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 19,...
I know the way to San Jose.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Do you know how to get to the Food Castle?
SNAFU!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Snaf me? Snaf me you say? Well.....
Everybody to the conference room.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Um, Raven could you step out into the hall with me? I have a rash on by butt and i want to know if you'll...
I'll take what's behind door number 3.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Would you like an aeroplane, infinite wealth, or the moldy bread behind the refrigerator that we call 'door number 3'?
Crikey! This one's a dilly-whacker!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you putting that lobster down your pants?
its a symbol of freedom
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Sir, please, put your pants on... WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT?!
Sully, Petey, my jacket.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Um, President Bush sir, um...Agent Sullivan and I here can't help but notice that you are completely naked. We're almost at the station now. Before you go on, do you mind if I ask, what are you going to wear on national TV?
It only hurts when I slurp.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
You say you've experienced a burning sensation in your stomach?
Cold fleece.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why didn't Jason marry Medea?
(not only a bad pun, but an obscure one)
I thought I heard something.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
And why do you have a giant salmon, my prized antique cabinet and the Boys Junior Varisty team in the living room at 3 am?
(Excellent, Jehovoid)
Call me Ishmael! Or Thomas, either one's cool.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So how does your novel Moby Dork begin?
Golf lessons.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
So, what did you do before you became the Grim Reaper?
The NASDAQ
Posted by Julian Delphiki (Member # 2015) on :
If you could rid the world of one evil, what would it be?
all that lemony goodness
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Which is tastier: a large strawberry cake, or lemon fresh pine sol?
Narf!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What would you say if I told you I wanted to take over the world?
A saguaro cactus in the shape of Elvis.
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
And the question is "What does your soul look like?"
Mace me, officer! Mace me now!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
And sarge, get this- Then she says "
Three paper clips, a hunk of cheese, a piece of metal, a banana, two white mice, a kosher hot dog, twenty rubber bands, and a loooong pipe.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's in your survival kit?
I packed hamsters. Ohhhhhhhhh no.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Isn't that portrait of great great great grandfather supposed to not have holes in it already? You just got it restored!
Se si puede.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey you, creepy spanish looking kid. Can you speaka the english?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey you, creepy spanish looking kid. Can you speaka the english?
shes a lady
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
After the thorough strip search you gave Marth Stewart, what did you discover that was so unexpected?
Hungy, hungry hippos
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
After the thorough strip search you gave Marth Stewart, what did you discover that was so unexpected?
Only if you insist.
(Edited for my brain fart.)
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited July 28, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Mrs. Stewart. Are you up to being strip searched again?
Enron and World Com.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I need more synonyms for 'bomb', all I have is 'Reign of Fire' and 'Scooby Doo: The Movie', what else can you suggest?
Shave me, but hold me tight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Scooby doo, is it alright if we give you a little bit of a hair cut?
When I saw what I saw, I was stunned.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, you opened your eyes and that's when you were hit with a Tazer?
A needlepoint of Elvis in Blue Hawaii.
Posted by wordman (Member # 1307) on :
So what did you give her instead of a diamond?
An oil change would be nice.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
What is a good pick up line between robots?
Fudge it! Fudge it!
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Oh no! My cake has dropped below 42% maximum deliciousness factor! What will I ever do?!
Flaming Homer.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who wrote the gay version of The Iliad?
Just call me the lord of english food!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why do most people you serve end up with rat poisoning?
If I go to the Underworld I'm taking you with me, ya' hear!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Will you quit stalling and sacrifice yourself to satan?
so thats why theres a birds nest in my car
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 28, 2002).]
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Crikey! Did you see that eagle fly out of that Coupe?!
I just snagged me a flower power belt.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So son, have you enjoyed fishing in Hippy Lake?
Satan told me to.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Wow Johnny, I'm so proud of you. You've really worked hard at overcoming your dyslexia--you're doing great. Also, this past year you always watch out, you almost never cry, I never see you pout...you've been so good--can you tell me why?
I just love bar-be-que'd pork rinds and Fresca.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, are you enjoying the Orchard 7th Ward picnic?
In the place of a dark lord, you will have a queen!!!
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I just don't see why we have to dress Lord Fwambo in a gown! Why?
Noodles. Oodles of noodles.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
So it wasn't the runs... What was it?
Do rats have wheels?
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Who's the moron who posts double questions?
But he just walked into my fist.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Wow, did you see that moron who posts double questions? His face was beaten to a bloody pulp. Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with that?
At least you thought you wanted it.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why did you give me a banana? I dont want a banana.
caraboose caraboose, you will do the fandango.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's a Queen to do?
Passion fruit.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
If you were a plant? You'll be a ......
All the frickin time!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How much of the frickin time would you like?
Greased Twinkies!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why are my Twinkies keep on slipping from my hand? Stop darn it!
Some men can be evil, that I don't deny.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I can't believe that guy put anchovies on his pizza. What's up with that?
Argyle socks! It's gotta be argyle socks!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Your willing to trade 10,000 shares of Worldcom Stock for what?
Shoes and shirts are optional.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
So, Lisa Urbanski, what do you love most about the exciting world of competetive ballroom dancing?
Yes, but only on a Thursday when the moon is in line with Venus.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Aren't you afraid Alien Vampires are going to eat your brain?
Four score and 7 parties ago!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When did you and Martha Stewart first "Score" with each other? Wink wink, nudge nudge.
Its Monty Python's Flying Circus
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Dan, I know it's just five little words; but before we go any further, I need to hear them from you.
Virtual pool.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Wait, I thoght we were having a pool party, where are all the chicks and water?
Sleep, merciful sleep.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the first thing you think of when your teacher shows a movie in class?
Penalty kick!
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
You can't resign, Dick! How would they break tie votes in the Senate?
[silence]
[This message has been edited by HonoreDB (edited July 29, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Helen Keller, are you just going to sit there and ignore me?!
Killing me softly.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 29, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's one song you'll never hear at a Viking funeral?
I pledge allegiance...
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Bob--I assume you have never read Everworld, in which a modern teenager deeply moves a group of Vikings with just that song.
Jehovoid--In thanks for picking up the ball I dropped, I'm editing my post to make you look less clever.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
:::Year 2025::: Do you remember that poem we used to say in school? You know the one about a flag and God and all...
"But officer, I didn't know the monkey was wearing a toupe!"
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
All right, all right, do you know how illegal it is to be transporting bald monkeys into America from Baldania?! You could do some serious jail time for this.
Spoon me up another mush-full of love, Nurse!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Be a good patient and lie back down. You'd better take a chill pill with a cup of shut-the-hell-up before I open a can of whoop-ass and...what did you say?
Funny, it was in my pocket the whole time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
::sings:: Baby, baby. Where did our love go?
I could've sworn this was the offramp for Alpha Centauri.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Wait, now we're in Minnesota, did we take a wrong turn at Albaquerque?
Slam the Robot down and help me kill this alien dinosaur.
[This message has been edited by Mister Spim (edited July 30, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What did you want me to do again?
Remember the graffiti, we are your children coming in with spray cans of paint.
Posted by martha (Member # 141) on :
Just who do you think you are?
This is not graffiti.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What does that graffiti say?
That isn't the way this was supposed to work. Let's give it another go.
Why do you keep following me around with that raincoat on?
its about time
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Why do you like Back the the Future so much?
I hear voices in my head, and they don't like you.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Why're you being so mean to me?!
I'm afraid of spider-men.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Arachnohomophobia? Afraid of gay spiders?
Africa.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
I chose the road less traveled, and now where the heck am I?
My state of mind is located somewhere between the Bermuda Triangle and Timbucktoo.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
You are standing in the middle of the intersection, but just where is your mind?
Designer genes
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I can't decide, should I try the genetic engineering place, or just go natural?
Don't steal my heart, I'll give it to you.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
<pointing gun> I need heart surgery and need it now! Would you mind laying down on that table over there?
Oh, I get it. Its a joke.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
We thought it would be funny to kidnap your family and then use make-up to make them look like they'd been severely beaten and then take pictures of them and send them to your house with a ransom note and then get our cop friend to come over and say there's really nothing you can do about it so you might as well sell everything you own to pay back the ransom and then when you show up at the drop off spot in the park at midnight to beat you with a baseball bat and take the money and then when you wake up in the hospital to be there and yell, "Surprise!"
I think it's a little long.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How did you like Ben Hur?
Thats what you get for using a statement.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
So, how do you feel after the surgery?
Give back the chicken. It's done nothing to you.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Colonal Sanders while holding a chicken: Do you REALLY want to know where the nuggets come from?
Not my fault im a fast typer.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that 100 wpm before or after subtracting for typos?
Windows 3.1, buggy whips, and steam locomotives.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are a few of your favorite things?
I havent yet begun to loot!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you using that tool in reverse?
A BIC lighter.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
There I was, lying momentarilly dead on the surgery table, when I was drawn to the light. "Come to the light" this voice called, so I did. When I got there, do you know what I found?
Smoke gets in my eyes.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why dont you come over and join everyone else in a good round of "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore?"
Im not all that surprised.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear that John Ashcroft wants to outlaw the Macarena as he believes its is a AlQuida inspired threat to national security?
You are trying to seduce me.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Hot Dog, or Keilbasa?
Sometimes, I get the menstraul cramps real hard.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Will you hand me that gerbil and tube of Astro-glide?
Show me the bunny!
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Would you be interested in hosting an episode of Teletubbies, Mr. Seinfeld?
Either. But obviously not both.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you like starcraft or warcraft 3?
Wait a minute, you're not the pizza guy, you're that sneaky shark!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Would you like to add anchovies to that medium Hawaiian?
Professional courtesy.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
British Teatime?
Parents raise their family not the father or mother alone.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Mae, why do platypuses seem so much happier than humans?
That's why I use birth control.
[This message has been edited by DeathofBees (edited July 30, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Britney Spears, Micheal Jackson, even I was a baby once, the result of the union of two loving people.
Love and lust are not mutually exclusive.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
I still don't get why you keep that old dog around, it's so old and you live in a small house, why not get it put to sleep?
That does not reflect my actual views.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Okay Mr. Kaczynski, it has taken me 4 weeks, but I finally finished reading your entire manifesto. Can we discuss it now?
If you're in doubt, don't look at me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Dr. Kevorkian, should I really go through with this?
We could just say it was a draw.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd all that water get here?
Kick the bucket.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, while you were growing up in Texas, did you play any games when you were a kid?
I had no idea he was in ballet.
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Hey, take a look at The Rock's resume! Isn't it hilarious?
Hold me down while you spray me with orange juice.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you like to see Robin Hood: Men in Tights?
Penguins or pelicans...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So mom, what options are there for dinner?
The eye of the Tiger
Posted by Mister Spim (Member # 3847) on :
Hey, this play dough is cool! Where did you get it?
Spark me up my lighter of love!!!
-Paul
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What did the infatuated cannonball say to the flame?
You signed your name.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
So wait, what did I do when I was drunk? And what are all these ponies in thongs doing here?!
I own your face, bought it from a crack dealer down in Newark.
-Paul
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Smokie told me you bought my face.
Gee, officer, I'd like to, but...
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
All right, why don't you pull down your pants, walk forward in a straight line quacking like a duck and making loud sniffy noises? Also, put this cat on your face.
(Ok, there was a post in between mine and Fossils...)
Fornication!
-Paul
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what sin have you come to confess about today?
Thats just creepy.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you see this picture of Geoff Card from Endercon?
It's my system.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Why are you putting those ducks in the filing cabinet?!
Save my bonnet!
-Paul
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that your tam on the lam?
Purely platonic.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
So what's been happening between you and that sheep? I hear you two are a pretty hot couple.
Sex with farm animals is bad.
-Paul
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
And what did you learn from all of this?
It was a real kick in the back of the throat.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What was it like swallowing all those bite-sized horses?
I'd like to reiterate: SEX WITH FARM ANIMALS IS BAD!
-Paul
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Man, don't you love mutton?
Vorbiti?
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Do you know any romanian words?
Dip me in Jell-o and place my naked, trembling body on a linoleum floor, then ride like the wind.
-Paul
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
If I don't shoot you, how do I know you won't call the police on me before I can skip town?
Yes, it hurts, but it's a good kind of hurt.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Isn't Karaoke Music painful?
I've Gotta be ME!!!
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Why don't you change your name to Francis Fannison, get a sex change and fly around the country giving speaches about women's empowerment?
Wham, Bam, Van Damme!
-Paul
Posted by Aerin (Member # 3902) on :
What's the sound of a made-up action hero falling over in shock that Paul made a post that didn't obsess with sex?
The roses died three days ago.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What are you doing this weekend?
Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car, I'm afraid we have detected anthrax spores in it, so could you please slowly open the door and move out?
Don't fear the reaper, man, fear his sickle, that thing's nasty!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know that The Grim Reaper can suck out your sould with his mouth?
Geoff Card is going to kill him for that.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear that Thor thought Geoff Card and Celia were the same person?
Lurkers never prosper.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I turn my hydralisks into lurkers, or keep them the same?
Spaz!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
If you could describe Dan_Raven in one word, what would it be.
I am amazed that anyone could reach that conclusion.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do people think im a spaz?
Dan_raven of course
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Does someone need to buy a clue?
That's just what I was thinking.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Theres a conspiracy against dan, isnt there?
Wow, thats pretty cool.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
I was just thinking, would it be ok to use insulting Dan_raven as a basis for all my posts?
Please, no one needs that mental image.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I just heard dan went skinny dipping at the pudding factory.
I feel your pain.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I am hurt and so upset by this viscious attack that I stick my tongue out to you all. (Simo Post, but it works so it stays.)
Somedays I'm just silly.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Do you usually spell names so poorly?
No good deed goes unpunished.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do I have to do to get you to spank me? (And yes Celia60, I do. Sorry)
Just for that I will go home now.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know celia and I planned that?
Apple pie.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
What am I thinking about right now?
Seriously, you are now forgiven. You have made me laugh.
[This message has been edited by celia60 (edited July 31, 2002).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Who's your girlfriend?
Eat the cow off the windowsil.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know i can do anything i am dared to do?
I dont know what to say
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Hey! Do you want to see the warts on my genitals?!
Let there be light... And there was light... and it burned...
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How did your science project go?
An F250 quadcab.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What the heck fell on you?
Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
I think you've been very mature lately, how did you manage such a great change? Hey, did you steal my lipstick?
Here in my car, I feel safest of all.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Where did you have your prostate exam?
Call this number.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What do I do if I am feeling... <aba>like a wooman?
Snog the French!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do you recommend we do, Lance Armstrong?
I need an old priest and a young priest.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Pope! I can't believe you have gone this long without a girlfriend, you must certainly be devout, but how can you possibly live life without fullfilling your carnal needs?
A rabbi, a priest and a Reverand walk into a bar.
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited August 01, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How did the Rabbi, the Preist and the Reverend get bumps on their heads?
I have returned.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
No fair! Didn't you have your turn already?
I decided it's time...got to move on now.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
General Mann, all the troops are ready. Let us know when we should begin the assault on the National Organization of Women.
Peace now or I'll shoot.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What are you doing with that ferret?
Edy's Ice Cream
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Ewww, what is this crap?
NO! Get out of there.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Have you heard the word of peanut butter gerbils?
Die, Filthy infidels! Let the streets run red with blood!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you think master satan would want us to say at a time like this?
Stupid Big Brother 3.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hey, they're building a Disney Store in our city! What will we ever do?
Yeah, so we skinned the game warden. Coulda done worse, ya know.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What did you get George Bush for his birthday?
Gurps stands for "Generic Universal Role Playing System" *pushes up glasses*
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're with the Gay Urban Rock, Paper, Scissors club?
Not right now, I'm watching Gilligan's Island.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Hey Eddie, wanna go clubbing in San Fransico? I got the ferrets and grease!
Hey, I'm sorry, I guess I just forgot!
[This message has been edited by Paul (edited August 01, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Why didn't you go to you wedding? Trying to act out Flubber?
Whoa dude whoa!!
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Did you know that the beluga whale weight 42 tons and is 50 feet long? Did you know that a velocerraptor had claws that could tear through metal? Did you know that the fastest pitch ever was thrown at 200 mph by a guy on PCP? Did you know that I didn't take my ritalin today? Did you know-
Pie. Fine. Pie.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Guess what I made today? Do you mind if I eat some? Whats the spanish word for boot?
the 7th sense
Posted by Stanlie (Member # 3333) on :
How did you know I took your cookie?
Pink napkins and a peach.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What two things can we splice to get the softest, fuzziest surface in the world?
Not cool.
[so unfair]
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear about the new Hatrack movie, where this kid goes around saying, I post to Dead people. Its called The Seventh Sense. What do you call it when three people post at the same time.
Momma needs a new pair of shoes.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
And you are?
Lunatic are ruling the world.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why are all these people posting to the same answer?
I need to borrow this.
(edit: I'm stupid, but cool)
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you stealing my wallet?
she takes my breath away
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How can we finally get away from the "barefoot and pregnant" model of womanhood?
Sheltered life.
OH well, that was to Dan's post...
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do we all have in common here at begging the question?
i blame my fingers
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
why are you all thumbs?
it's just a game.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Dont you know that if no one posts here I have nothing to do until someone does?!?!?!
i didnt know where i was going.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did the losing Aztec ball team say immediately prior to their beheading?
Well shoot!
edit: ARRRGGGHHHH it happened again!
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh my God! The mutant water wells are coming! What do I do with this gun?
(very smart, Bob)
That was lame.
Posted by Stanlie (Member # 3333) on :
After the shootout at Rose's Cantina, I jumped on a horse and tried to ride, but THAT HORSE REFUSED. Why?
Peanut butter always goes well with fishcakes.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Peanut butter is the natural enemy of chocolate? I thought peanut butter was the natural enemy of fish cakes.
Stop, in the name of love.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I kill you now, or kill you later?
Thats not right
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
After a VERY long night at our ballroom dancing lessons, what was the last thing I said before attempting to strangle my partner?
Plug it in.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Glade or Wizard?
I didn't think so either.
[This message has been edited by Maethoriell (edited August 02, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I don't think this is very funny. Do you?
Porkpie hats.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is The Brain's favorite fashion accesory?
One lump.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the punishment for simoposting here?
One is better than two.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
So, how many rabid minkies should I attach to your genitals?
Hahahaha! My Nakedmoleratjitsu will defeat your Goldfish Flight Technique!!!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
So, whats up with the new Pokemon I heard about? THere's a new edition right?
Get high.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Now that you have won the award for best role model for youths, what are you going to do now?
I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Anderson.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
How would you like me to shove that red pill up your _ _ _ ?
Sex is definitely not like pizza.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Man... sex is like... like... like pizza! It's not good unless you get toppings. Right?
That was a stupid question.
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
What the worst answer ever?
Baby seals are surprisingly vicious.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So why did you quit your good work with the World Wildlife Fund?
Thank you for your donation.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
I would like to give your foundation this, a shoe full of vomit. What do you say?
Now THAT's an offer!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
I'm Bob, with Empire Auto Glass. If you'll let us fix your cracked or dinged windshield, I'll give you this 24 karat diamond pendant necklace and 12 free dinners to Shari's restaurant, which serves delicious food and pies all day, every day. How about it? Will you let us fix your windshield?
I've always preferred diamonds.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I had the jeweler set my preserved left pinky toe in the engagement ring.
I like what you've done with the kitchen.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
And here is where we cast 'polymorph other' to turn this room into a work of art! So, what do you say we go and see the dining room?
I am the Spambot 2000, give me your children and muenster cheese!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Do you remember that guy who wanted to use an octagon field to play baseball?
Sometimes it's just outta synch.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
*plays an N'Sync tape* What do you say?
Puns suck.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
What's the 3984th surname, in alphabetical order, that's referenced in the second volume of the 1840 Illinois Census?
We work hard, oh yes, we do.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh? The little immigrant children already know a bit of English? Well, what can they say?
(Honore, that's so over the top)
(and funny)
I'm chopped liver.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You look like a big pile of poop. What is that costume anyway?
Please refrain from using that kind of language.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What the *bleep*?!?
Kids can be cute but more annoying.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's your impression of some of these newbies around Hatrack?
(If there was another option, I would have taken it.)
Golf.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Is there anything more boring than watching molassas drip?
It's one of those hyphen things.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
African-American? How can you subtract two words from each other?
Tiger goes for the birdie putt... Oh! He's tackled by Tony Siragusa. That will definately hurt his chances of keeping the lead. What a play!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Why did they change the name of the sport to Golfball?
Oh, he just steals in your mind and leads you into good shituations.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Wait, what is that guy doing with that scalpel?
Cranberries? I SAID BOSENBERRIES!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you seen Halley's Berrys?
(okay, I know it has nothing to do with Paul's post, but I thought it was funny...)
An ergonomic pillow.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Is that a huge breast implant?
Snakes! LOTS OF SNAKES!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey Mr. Snake Charmer, is that a python in your pants, or are you just really happy to see me?
Only in the late evening...or the mid-late evening...or the early-mid-late evening...but never at dusk.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Hey, claytonia, when do you like to watch Steve Martin stand-up?
You have excellent references.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What do you think about onanism?
Augh! No more!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How many more "Halloween" sequels will you be watching?
The third time's the charm.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What did she tell you after the second condom ripped?
Look at the way it swings.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
How can you tell if a monkey is gay?
Smear the jam on the cat and let's get to perpetual motion!
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
What do you have to say about what you learned in phsyics today?
Greasy pits of cat hair in my soup.
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
Hi, you are playing Sentence Fragment-HO! Chess, you're up next - what is your fragment? Oh, and this better be good, or I'm going to kill you.
Please take your hand out of my pants.
[This message has been edited by Nylph (edited August 05, 2002).]
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
How about we go get some ice cream, "friend"?
Yes sir, we have your new best "friend" right here, will that be cash or check?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Has my new mail-order bride arrived yet? I'm getting rather horny.
Yes, but that doesn't mean that I'm gay.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Have you ever danced with the devil in the gray moonlight?
I'm batman darn it.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Sir, will you please come down? We can't have people hanging from the rooftops with no pants on.
No! Bad Cardinal, no reacharound!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"Well Ozzie Smith, what do you want to do now that you've made it into Baseball's Hall Of Fame?" asked the cute TV personality. Her next words were....
Baseball, Hot Dogs, and Apple Pie
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What classifies America as America?
It comes tomorrow.
Posted by Lisa Kane (Member # 3928) on :
When will the end of the world come?
Three elephants, a mongoose and a large sock with a brick in it
[This message has been edited by Lisa Kane (edited August 05, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whoa whoa whoa, how did you manage to cross breed an elephant and a mongoose.
Obi-wan is a dude, not some space chick.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Is that a girl underneath all of that hair??
This is odd.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What are you doing? Why aren't you getting that ferret, hypodermic needle, flaming homer, dog hair, sneeze-guard and marmalade I asked for?
Snorkel for Jesus, maaaan.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did Jettboy say when he heard the recent news of a new church whose services are held entirely underwater?
Chicken sausages and a bicycle built for two.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was scared out of their skin, and how did they escape?
A business card and a medium-sized soda.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
So are their any prerequisits for this job?
Take fifty-two. Action!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
May we have our break now?? It's been 51 times!!
Blah blah blah blah = interesting conversation
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, I've finished translating these ancient scrolls...except for this chapter with the three busty Egyptian women and the Pyramid boy. It translates, roughly, to "blah blah blah blah". I wonder what these women do to Pyramid boy?
IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, I hear the Church is taking up donations in honor of the feast day of Dermititus, patron saint of the dry-skinned, eh Father?
Submit Now.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
I've got you all dressed in leather, tied to a ferret and hung upside down, what are you going to say when Bubba comes in here and says, "What do you want to do now?"
I'm wicked and I'm lazy. Oooooh, don't you want to save me?
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
Talk about stewing in your own juices.
NO! It's not what you think. Really.
[This message has been edited by Nylph (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why do you have all these Yanni CDs and posters, and what's this?! Yanni videos?!
Only if you paid me.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Do you think $1,000,000 would get you and any person of your choice in bed?
Sorry, I didn't see that.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Is that a boa constrictor in your pants?
Fling the SUV across the world!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We can kill the plague of Slimey Ugly Germs that have infested the world, but how do we get the vaccine (Slimey Ugly Vaccine--SUV) to everyone fast enough?
This calls for Slimey the Disgusting.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
But how can we fling the SUV across the world?
If it weren't for the imbalance, he'd be a happy, well-adjusted member of society.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What does the defense have to say in response to the allegations that the defendant slaughtered 32 children, 4 women, an old man, and 14 kittens?
Plastics! It's the wave of the future!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why would you make an artificial hand that goes back and forth?
Wave all five fingers please.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited August 06, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So, you think we should start seeing other people?
Let me check my calendar.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
*hissing voice in phone* I'll be there... wherever you will be on Thursday at noon... Do you know who I am?
Augh! You hath stabbed mine libido!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Methinks "libido" is a stupid name for a cat! It must die!
What in the hell for?
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Congratulations! You've just won $30,000,000 dollars.
Bee-Bop, Dew Drop, and Dork Boy.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Your mom named your brothers WHAT?
Thinks the 70's freeloving society is coming back to life.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you think about sex in the new millinium?
The romano family will own you for asking that.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
When are you going to sell to the King family, Romano?
The Romano family curse, bad pizza...
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
What are the new-age mafia bosses using to kill their enemies?
The Valentine's Day Massacre was really just a big, "Oops".
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Where were you going with all those guns and whiskey last 2/14?
Scratch my face, big man!
Posted by kazairl (Member # 3945) on :
Has my beard got too long to kiss you?
I said they were mad, they said I was mad, and dammit, they outvoted me!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So how did your talk with Sybil go?
Vote for the correct person, not the right person.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Vote Bush or Gore?
Fudge Clams!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Has the motto for the mafia game proven itself wrong?
You binded with me! Thoust shall stay!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did that Guttenberg fellow say when you helped him build that printing press and that Bible thingy he wanted put together?
Physical exertion is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
Guess what my psychologist said about my backyard wrestling ring?
To hot to be shown on TV...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey! What happened to the weather report for the Southwest?
Orange marmalade, a mild purgative, and a flower lei.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Hey, this reminds me of a MacGuyver episode. I can make a bomb, place it at the bottom of the rockslide and detonate it. We'll be out of this cave in no time. So...what do I have to work with?
It was nothing a little mouth-to-mouth couldn't solve.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, after I left with Megan, did you manage to fix your date with Heather? (if these are anybodys names i didnt know, i just thought of them)
Michael Jackson vs Mickaully Caulkin (sp)
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Judge: "Please read the next matter to come before this court."
It's my topic, and I just don't think you belong here.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So what are you planning on telling me on your thread?
Dont forget to smile when you ask the President that question.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Boxers or Briefs?
tighty whitey.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What's with all the sheets?
hick convention
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where can I get a good hickey?
Be nice or don't be here.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Honey, you know I hate the French seaside! Why did you drag me down here?
Ooh! La, la!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what exactly did you say during the panty raid?
It tastes like crap.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Here! Taste this baked crap!
Ralphie wears sandals!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did I just see Ralphie go by in a pair of 6 foot platform shoes?
Eat it dang it!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What is this flaming whale carcass doing here?
From every crevice.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
AHHHH WHERE ARE THESE BEETLES COMING FROM?!?
You cant do that without feeding me a hotdog.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well my Korean friend, do you want desert?
Oh, Canada.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Its cold, its white, and I just saw a hockey puck fly past me. Where in the world are we?
Write me a new page.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Muahahahahaha 1500th post.
Does a little dance.
[This message has been edited by jebus202 (edited August 08, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What does santa clause do when he hears Jingle Bell Rock?
Show off.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Show me what you use to combat West Nile Virus.
I think its West Nile.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where did you send the 4000 nuclear warheads?!
Jingle Balls.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
What's a bagpiper's favorite Christmas tune?
I'm dead sexy!
[This message has been edited by DeathofBees (edited August 08, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the number one Necrophilia pickup line?
I'm too sexy for my hair.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Why did you shave your head?
It's all about the money, baby.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Bill Gates is writing a book about the child he is making out of new twenty dollar bills.
A pun is a terrible thing to waste.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why have some of these thread not been deleted yet?
Who's that girl flying around up there with the beard and the tattoos?
Tattoo me big boy.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
What did the scotsman say to papamoose?
can't sleep, the clowns will get me...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats with all the caffine?
Yeah, he started it a few minutes ago.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I heard Ses Adoms's brain went on the fritz, so he ordered one of those ACME home lobotomy kits. Did you hear about that?
It's not just for newbies anymore.
Posted by Ses Adoms (Member # 1950) on :
Yup.
Dang thing didn't come with instructions though.
Posted by Ghost Of Maethoriell (Member # 3969) on :
Will I ever understand the opposite sex???
I'll be back..
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We smuggled this horse costume into prison. Now, do you want to be the front end of the horse or the back?
Hey folks, lets give the prison a break.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Should we send Martha Stewart to prison?
and to think I trusted you!
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
I just picked-up your chainmail underwear from the cleaners. Do they look smaller to you?
TTFN.. Tah Tah for now!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
At this time in your life, what is it that you look for in a good female friend?
Tater Tots are my favorite.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You eat children for breakfast? Whose?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What can we do to defeat the Monsterous Anger of the bows and arrows?
I suggest an anger management course.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you deliberately trying to kill this thread???
Yes, to my everlasting shame.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
To whom should I send these pictures of a naked Martha Stewart?
This idea seems to be loosing appeal.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What do you think of the Ad for making your own orange juice?
It's a naked Viking!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Who should play Thor in the upcoming movie version of Ender's Game?
Diesel, Vin Diesel.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Your car runs on a combination of diesel and acetic acid? What do they call the fuel for that thing?
Yeah...we had to use all seven rolls of duct tape, though.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you have fun on your honeymoon?
Oh, there's the hamster.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
#What is that moving in your pants?
The tides of darkness
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Man...what'll I use to get these darn grass stains out of my jeans?
It was powerful and gripping.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
#What is that moving in your pants?
So I'm a copy cat.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
You managed to make an exact replica of Michalangelos David, but what's with all the paw prints?
Not to good, Billy Joe.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
How did you do on that English quiz, Sally Jane?
That's one funky dude!
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
You managed to make an exact replica of Michalangelos David, but what's with all the paw prints?
So I'm a copy cat
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm a copy cat.
A long, hot bath......
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What's a good cure for Noobitus?
Eat the pie!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I've hidden the secret message in this number I've taken out to 400 places. Noone will think to check it for a code, but if they do, do you know what you must do Agent .314?
Algebra and Geometry are good examples.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
So what are some of the key elements in this secret weapon you're developing to use against Britney Spears?
I was one of the Bee Gees.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so gibb all the time?
Perfectly acceptable behavior...for a baboon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of my new dance?
Zsa Zsa's Papa did the Cha Cha with Raja.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
When Boutros Boutros Ghali ordered the Mahi-Mahi and Yo Yo Ma had the Couscous, what was happening by the bandstand?
That was a lulu!
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Who was that?
When pigs fly...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When should I wear this special titanium hardhat and gasmask combination?
When OSC posts on this thread.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Will you marry me?
If only I could find my pants...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You snuck into my room thinking I was my sister and your not running away?
Poor Faramir.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Man...your spelling is really bad. What did your father do for a living, again?
It was really dark...but I HEARD everything.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
The pond is drained, the garden destroyed, yet you say the budweiser frogs and lizards were partying when a fight broke out that caused all the damage. How could you tell it was a foggy Moonless night?
The Lord of the Earth rose up and mountains were born.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
All right then, if the dog didn't dig up the garden, what's your explanation?
I changed my cursor to look like a sperm whale.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's the first thing you did when you connected to the 1 mile wide flat screen monitor?
Bigger is not neccisarilly better.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Well, what should I have said when she offered me a 10 pound Zucchini soaked in vinegar?
The Cousins are back.
Hobbes
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the cause of the horrible noise?
It was the dog.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you mind telling me why every cop in a three-county area is parked in our driveway?
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
NOTE: DAN!!! that was FUNNY!!!!
Ooops, I was responding to the same one Dan did. Dan, I was saying your previous one was funny. Not this one where you tried to usurp my spot by sneaking in ahead of me.!!!!
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited August 15, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What are you planning to give out for Halloween?
The wicked witch of the west.
Posted by Rolf Singer (Member # 3972) on :
Sorry dear, who did you say you parked the house on???
It wasn't that colour when I put it in the fridge.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Honey, are you sure you want the GREEN jello?
White chocolate, strawberries and a napkin.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I let the dogs out.
(Thanks Bob, could you tell I was monitoring shopping that day?)
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
what was that smell comming from your shoes?
pickles and gin.
Posted by Rolf Singer (Member # 3972) on :
what are we getting your mother for christmas again?????
only if they tie me down and tickle me with the whole chicken.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
Are you ticklish?
I've got Shadow Puppets and you fools have to wait until monday.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why do you look as smug as Kenneth Lay did when he told his employees not to sell stock last year?
What goes up must come down, hard, with a thud.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I jump off my roof onto this trampoline and see if I could land in the pool?
Mmmmm, Deep Fat Fried Watermelon.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What shall we have for dinner in honor of the 25th anniversary of Elvis's death?
Why yes, those are blue suede shoes.
Posted by Dr. Mobius (Member # 3614) on :
What are those things on your feet?
The "Blue Screen of Death" just ate my homework.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, how's the Steven King essay going?
Im a genius, but I dont know how to spell it.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
So what's your IQ?
This is longer than Pats two word thread!!!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
[two men in a public bathroom]
Guy A: No really, I'm way bigger than you. Guy B: Sure you are. Guy A: This is touching porcelain right now. What about yours?
I don't think so, slappy.
[Edited to remove a question in the answer spot. Oops.]
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited August 19, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What's my fault?
Let it rain...
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
The weather outside is soggy/ In the morning it will be foggy/ It will always bring arthritis pain... How do I finish this little poem?
Running from the police doesn't actually mean you have to run.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Dillinger's last interview: "Mr. Dillinger, the police and FBI are hot on your trail, yet you and the babe in red stop for a movie. Why?"
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queens gotta a gun.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wow, does she look like Carrie or what?
Stupid fate, quit picking on me.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, Mr. Fate...you say it'll be Hatrack's most obnoxious poster that finally kills the "Begging the Question" thread?
A sleeping bag filled with barbeque sauce.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Cannibal: So how did you get this tourist to be so tastey?
Im a lover, not a killer.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Hey T_Smith, do you think you finally killed the "begging the question" thread?
Yes, but please don't touch that albatross.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Do you want me to untie that rope around your neck?
I have 10 bottles of paint and can meet you in an hour.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Somebody wrote "Death to Dune, Long live Star Wars" on the Spice Towers. Can you help me cover it up.?
I said crossover episodes, not crossdresser episodes.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why arent you wearing YOUR dress?
Im here for the beer.
Posted by Briesis (Member # 4025) on :
Why did you show up at my party? you know I can't stand you!
I think a nice green one would do fine, thanks!
[This message has been edited by Briesis (edited August 24, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what color sweater are you expecting grandma to send you this year?
Im getting a negative vibe all of a sudden.
Posted by Briesis (Member # 4025) on :
Why have you stopped? Go ahead and eat it. I promise it takes just like chicken!
The process is long and involved, should take about 3 days.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How long is it going to take you to sober up and get out of my house?
See, theres your problem! You can't have friends when you do that.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Just because I haven't showered in 5 days...
It's made of spam.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you made a statue of OSC? Did you make it out of marble or granite?
I fail to see your point.
Posted by Briesis (Member # 4025) on :
What is this pinkish gunk dripping from my sandwhich?
I don't know but it's gotta hurt!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
He's been signing books for days. How can his hands stand it?
Hey, he's ambidexterous.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Why are there two lines forming?
Before the rain.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you lose your SP book before or after the rain?
Look into my eyes.
Posted by HonoreDB (Member # 1214) on :
Do you think I'm a freak, mommy?
No, that's the surprise ending.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wait a minute, wasn't Obi-wan was Luke's father?
You need more hair for that.
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Do you think I could play Rapunzel?
Sorry, we don't carry those here.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
I was wondering if you had something in my size, maybe a fur coat? (clerk thinks to self we don't have elephant fur, that's the only thing that would fit you) Clerk's response:
You know, I knew somebody that aacually weighed that much.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you know my cousin weighs 375 pounds and he is 18?
Peach cobbler and a shoe.
Posted by Chess (Member # 3125) on :
This is good apple pie, what is the secret ingredient?
I wish you wouldn't discriminate against me.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Could you be a dear and drink out of the other water fountain, please?
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Why are you all wet?
No, I'm Austin Powers.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
His name is Bond, Jame Bond.
I am not a number!
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Capt. Picard: Make it so, number one!
I cannot believe the mustard's off the hot dog.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Did you ever get all the condiments off of your sexy French Poodle?
Sorry, I couldn't let it die.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Sixteen hundred posts in one thread?! WHy did you let this happen?
Screw the drow!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Were you typing into the mirror again?niaga rorrim eht otni gnipyt uoy ereW
I'd go with a 9-iron.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the most effective way to knock out tiger woods?
Smells like Nirvana.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Is that Weird Al???..he dunno what he's singing, eh?
Blab.
Posted by somedeadguy (Member # 3759) on :
What does bacon smell like?
the monkey
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Should I go blab on my sister, or play with the monkey?
I noticed that.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
Did you know you have a knife embedded in your arm?
half of a towel.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What did you get each of the Siamese twins for Christmas?
Only on weekends and at weddings.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
When does the minister work?
A 3-foot replica of Alcatraz.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What does your hamster cage look like?
I was shot in the face with a firehose.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You look like you were beaten with the ugly stick. What happened?
Someone lied to you.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
Someone told me that you could make me look beautiful, is that right?
Fire. And lots of it.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you suggest to get rid of our gopher problem?
3000 dollars worth of ice cubes.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
What did you buy with your $1 mil. lottery winnings, President Bush?
Chewing on a telephone cord.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You cannot eat up your long distance bill by...
I am not making a collect call, so go away.
Posted by Ford Prefect (Member # 2505) on :
What did the girl finally say to Carrot-Top?
75 miles of string, cut into 1 inch sections.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Hey! Haven't seen you for a few weeks. Where've you been, and what's that you're chanting to your scissors?
Hmmm...it was only a zit four days ago.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
The President has come a long way, no?
By the power of Greyskull!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is your dad still trying to start the lawnmower? What's that he's yelling?
I fell down a lot.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I heard you had that surgery to make your feet removable. Was it hard to get used to?
If she says she did, then you know she really didn't, but if she says she didn't, then maybe she did.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What have you learned from watching the Anna Nicole show?
That is the biggest waste of the airwaves since Clintons third State of the Union address.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you feel about American Idol?
Its bound to glitch.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What's bound to happen to Hatrack?
This shall self-destruct in..
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What does it say, Inspector Gadget?
Monkeys. Every damn one of them.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
How many policemen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What happen?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is this your first time waking up in a Las Vegas hotel bathtub filled with ice and finding yourself minus one kidney?
Simply irresistable.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Can you describe Human's personality?
Ugh, not another vison.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have to proof read "The Love Life of an Average Hatracker" by Human and the stupid printer got all the V's and B's mixed up.
Sorry Human, it was too easy.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Human: "Now why did you have to go and say that?"
Doughnuts and Old Ladies.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What are two things that taste better when you dunk them in strong coffee?
The next Iraqi president.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What should I put under "Future employment plans" for my application?
Turtleback.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you get when you yell "Help Mr. Wizard?"
It's just my philosophy, that's all.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
How are you going explain being caught with the goat to your wife?
There's only one thing to do. DANCE!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Billy Elliot! Do you realize what you do when you get mad?
Tell a friend, and get a wish.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited September 06, 2002).]
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Tinkerbelle, what will you give me if I promise to tell my nearest and dearest that you are the most fabulous fairy ever?
Easy, stupid - just twist, jiggle, and pull.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you get this toliet to stop running?
Custom made, baby!!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that a new Y chromosome you're sporting?
SUVs of the gods.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Here we go Mr. Odin sir. We replace your six legged horse with this new, all terain, eight legged, fuel injected, flying turtle. We up the suspension of the chariot by 18 inches and replace those old wooden wheels with new Firestone underinflated super tires. It gets lousy mileage, the turtle pollutes like Thor after a bean burrito and the whole thing will flip over on wet pavement, but it looks sharp. Do you know what we have here now?
That is the worst peice of junk I've ever seen.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Pssst. Wanna buy the Maltese Pigeon?
Eau de Salvation Army.
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
What did you mean by that?
Your mom.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Who's your daddy?
Alive and well.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So Mr. Taliban man, hows Bin-Ladin doing?
Yes, in fact I just finished.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tell me, Mr. T_Smith. Do you juggle in your own mind?
What a wonderful place it would be.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
What if all the people that left hatrack over the years suddenly came back?
Fat chance.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
TV without Anna Nicole Smith?
Because it FEELS good, that's why!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
oooh, that--that--, hey, why did you put your hands in my pocket?
Do it to me one more time.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I finished combing your hair, Mr President.
Yo soy el Presidente de Cuba!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What is the Taco Bell Chihuahua's new catch phrase?
Ah, but the penguins always win.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you excited about the 17th annual Male Avian Best Dressed awards?
You would look fine in feathers.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a fashion designer to do with a 10000 dead parakeets?
And then there were two.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited September 08, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Lots of people originally posted to this thread.
It dies a slow lingering death.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What will happen to this thread?
Those blasted ex's..
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Henry VIII's favorite saying?
I can't believe it's not butter.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is Fabio's favorite food?
It's been raining for three days straight.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Why's it been pouring for three days straight?
Your hand's all wet; there's a clue.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why did you give me this towel?
Not in a million years.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When will this thread die?
Its Alive! Its Alive!
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
Can you please pass the spagetti?
yes, no, old people, and donkeys
Posted by Chaeron (Member # 744) on :
Q: Is this some kind of sick joke? Did you put this here? If not, who did?
A: Guilty.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, aren't you that guy? You know, guardian of the underworld?
A giant inflatable RS-232 plug and 8 million miles of 9-lead ribbon cable.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited September 09, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What did you get for your birthday this year?
Only if penguins are going to be there.
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
arent you goiing to school today?
Why yes, i do
Posted by Mr. Flibble (Member # 4178) on :
Do you fear circus freaks overtaking the world?
at first i thought it was blue, but its absolutly green.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the color the mold in the fridge?
Relax. Go do it.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Said Perseus to Medusa as he led her by the hand to the local Salon & Spa at the mall, giving her one last chance before he did something about that mess himself.
No not the long one, the short funny one.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who is not the best actor on The Drew Carrey show?
Thats not my girlfriend, thats my dinner!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why does your girlfriend taste all cheesy and delicious?
They all lived happily ever after...kinda.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
So what happened after Bush got elected?
No, did you really do that?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear that I cloned OSC?
Im sorry, I though I heard you say "Do you like my guts"
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why did you say "Well, their squishy and digest food matter into waste." when I asked you what you thought about my mutts?
(okay, i'm sorry, that wasn't very good, but i couldn't think of anything! i was stumped! Damn you T_Smith!)
A hardboiled egg, a little duct tape, and a pile of freshly folded laundry.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
They made what the new president of Argentina?
I do not accept checks.
[This message has been edited by :Locke (edited September 10, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You OK'd the Lithuanian and two Albanian's, but why did you not let in the guy from Checkoslovakia?
That is difficult to spell but fun to say.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give a ride to Mr. Vaclav Havel?
Silly String bikini.
::dang, mine was aimed at Locke's post (which was hilarious by the way). But I guess it fits anyway)::.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited September 10, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What's better than chain mail underwear?
Ennie mennie minnie moe!
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
No realy, you must choose! Cake, or death?
Next thing I knew, I was halfway down the stairs.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
It was the wierdest thing. I knew there was a hatchet murder hiding in the house. Yet I couldn't help myself. As soon as the strange music came on, I stripped to my underware and headed for the basement.
Don't go down there.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I hear there's a mongoose in my pants.
Confutatis maledictis...
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Reverend, what was going on over at the American Idol contest?
Sweet, sap-happy love.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the theme behind this stupid movie...Titanic?
My army of carrots will save you!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What am I supposed to do with this rabbit farm I inherited?
Because I said so, that's why!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
SuperBunnyMan, now that your powers have been sucked dry by the EvilOverlord Bob...how will you triumph over evil?
Confuscius says: "Let them eat beans."
edit: oops! well, clearly my post was a response to T_Smith's...so...um...either disregard it or respond in kind... either way the thread doesn't die a miserable death.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 10, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
But the peasants are smelling up the place!
He came riding a worm?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What could be weirder than the fact that he drinks his own recycled sweat and urine?
A two headed frog.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What stopped you from proposing to Cynthia?
Ducks, old boy. Fountains of ducks.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
A mountain of what?!
He can read Mercury, the most advanced encryption code, as easily as other kids read English.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
What does a greek midget has to do with FedEx?
Wayne's World, party time, excellent!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What do you not want to hear the doctor say just as you lose consciousness?
A well balanced diet of fear and pasta.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
So, what does Hannibal Lecter eat while on a diet?
So why are YOU bugging me?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you ask the 12 foot tall cock roach that ate Cincinatti?
Never answer a question with a question. Right?
Posted by Zap (Member # 4195) on :
What question would most confuse alex trebec
They were dancing in circles and singing the melody from giligans island
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Your parents did what during the wedding ceremony?
<insert answer here>.
[This message has been edited by JohnKeats (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
<insert question here>?
Particle man.
Posted by Knobe (Member # 4037) on :
Who ate spider-man?
No way can't be
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did our beloved John Keats try to kill this thread by forgeting to ask a question?
Say it isn't so.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you hear that Milli Vanilli is back together again?
I did lots of research and finally decided it wasn't worth it.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
By the way, how did that thing end up with saving the human race?
A tire guage.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's that in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Only after I move.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Are you OK with Anna Nicole Smith setting up residence nextdoor?
Only one at a time, and not willingly.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited January 18, 2003).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are your plants getting enough sunlight?
An industrial stapler ought to do the trick.
edit: Note, mine was originally aimed at Ludosti's post, but I think it's even funnier this way!!! Only one at a time and not willingly!!! LOL! Completely unintentional.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
As a single mother of two, how am I supposed to take my kids to the mall when I only have one tether?
Thank you, yes.
[This message has been edited by JohnKeats (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Chain mesh underwear?
(question: it started out as chain mesh, then morphed into chain mail...which one are we using here, folks?)
One skunk, medium rare.
1700th post....the insanity continues...
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are there very many polecat clairvoyants?
No, burglary is just a hobby.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Hey, StickyFingers McGee...have you ever considered going pro?
With a hey-diddle-diddle and a nonny-nonny-no.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mr Bush, how are we supposed to win the war on terror?
Gee, ya think?
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You have an axe buried in your left shoulder.
Do they all do that, Willy? Do they?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you know that people on this thread start with a question and end with a statement, not vice versa?
I killed it alright. And Im proud of it.
Posted by Knobe (Member # 4037) on :
Why did it have to be my flie?
I wanna know too.
Posted by TheWiggin (Member # 3364) on :
come on..... which way to the bathroom...?
Im not quite sure, probably in your pants
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Where did you say the bathroom is again?
No, put the sticker there. It's okay.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What do I do with this bumper sticker you gave me? Also, I seem to have lost my pants.
Oh, he's with God now.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
What happened to David Bowles after he found out memes don't exist?
Anything but a telephone.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
If you found yourself in a dark empty alley late at night, which one of the following would you not want to run into? a) axe murderer b)chain mesh underwear c)a telephone d)a rabid nun
Get yourself some Alka Seltzer and you'll feel better fast!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What do you take for a hang-over?
Chain mesh underwear sucks.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Where did that pelvic rash come from?
Here, feel it.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
I listened to 'Pat the Bunny' on audio-cassette and, honestly, I don't see what the big deal is.
Texas.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What smells like cow?
Oh thats funny, alright.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Isn't it funny how every religion in the world preaches peace, but we fight wars over them?
It's rivetting!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Oh! You rented a video. How ni- Bob the Builder's Welding Rampage?! What the hell...?
I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What are you mumbling? And what the hell are you doing with a noose, a revolver, a razor blade, and seven bottles of aspirin?
Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a garbage bag filled with vanilla pudding.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What does chain-mesh underwear feel like?
I've got a rabid moose in my socks!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Your toe is bleeding...why do you keep knocking it with that hammer?
No it's not a toaster, it's something Jimmy Neutron built.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Hey, nice toaster.
How fortunate, the man with none.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Have you a nun?
I think we need new shocks.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I may be the worst gunslinger in the west, but I am going to Tombstone to prove myself by finding someone who's gun isn't faster. [edited to meet Bob's post instead of 2's Darn simo-posting] ** Bump** ** Bang** Darnation, I done shot myself in the foot. You stupid stagecoach driver, what do you have to say for yourself?
Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer rang down upon his head.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited September 12, 2002).]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
As coffee sales decline, what radical new strategy is the "best part of waking up" company taking to brighten Americans' mornings?
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What type of sushi does Dr. Suess eat.
Be a goth.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What should I do when I grow up?
An "X-Treme Gulp", 52 oz. of liquid goodness!
[D'oh! A moment too late!]
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited September 12, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's that all over your pants?
I found him tied to the wrong side of the tracks.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
What're you doing with that transvestite?
Oh no...not the 2000th post.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you realize that after 30 miles of making a fence we've reached the 2000th post?
I soaked up the sun.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you do with your infinite supply of Bounty® Paper Towels?
My eyedrops didn't work.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you dipping your contacts in iced tea?
Using a tube sock would just be silly.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Her tube top split so I am giving her this. It's a Tube and it is clothing, right?
Squeeze me please.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hey, mister, could you spare a quarter?
Hier kommt die sonne.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Say that again?
...Because they are comfortable.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you wear salmon on your feet?
Its all has to do with the Arch support.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Why are you wearing Rome on your feet?
Well, chimps are known to do that sometimes.
Hobbes
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's that monkey doing? Is he trying to turn this into an onanism thread?
I thought she said pianist.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My wife loves listening to music in bed. I heard her tell a friend on the phone that every night she ends up going to sleep with the worlds smallest pianist.
Watch your language young man.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What the hell is that?
Ghosts in drawers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's worse than poltergeists in lingerie?
A puka shell necklace would be perfect.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
How about a vomit pearl bracelet?
I admit, I exploded the egg in the microwave.
Posted by Knobe (Member # 4037) on :
Who made the expolding Omlet?
We check our list to see if we are naughy or nice.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What's the fat guy doing?
The last thing Fat Albert said.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you always go around saying "Hey Hey Hey! Im gonna die today!"?
There is something on that cheese.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What is that brown thing?
Why's she always powdering her nose?
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Please, you'll have to excuse my mother. She had to powder her nose, work three jobs to feed our family, accept the Nobel Prize for Peace, build homes for the homeless and invent gravity.
Tony thinks I should quit my job at McDonald's. But I kinda like it.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why are you twirling that stupid hat?
Aaagh!
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Isn't that Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day?
Well, that was unexpected.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What did the admins say upon discovering that "Begging the Question" is actually popular?
Oohh I hate that rabbit! Get me a drink.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Elmer Fudd say when his contract expired?
The weather looks okay.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Go to hell!
It grabbed me with styrofoam tentacles, and from the depths of its deep moans I distinctly heard the word 'meme'.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How could you tell it was really a Philosophy Club project instead of a honest-to-goodness giant man-eating pretzel.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Answer (for Bob, *cough*): That's one heck of a long steel rod!
Hobbes
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's chapter four in the book of "Popular Construction Worker Compliments: For the Hard Hat in your Life"?
Mairzy Doats and Dozey Doats and Little Lamzy Divey...
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited January 18, 2003).]
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Who are the inbreeders playing with their cousin?
Things we thought we thought last month.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What were you thinking??
That's mentally scarful..
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you think of the book, "Telepathy for Dummies?"
Stupid is as stupid does.
Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :
What is Tom Hanks' favorite line from 'Forrest Gump'?
Contraband found outside in the barn leads me to believe that some people broke into your barn, milked your cows, stole some eggs, and then left to find other barns.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What are you doing with that Hawaiian shirt, and why do my bulls look so happy?
I used to, but it chafed my inner thighs.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What are the police doing here?
Bob's wearing a pink tutu and twirling to it's a small world.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey, sorry Im late to your party. Has anything interesting happened yet?
I will carry this chicken, though I do not know the way.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Did you bring the sacrifice?
Another day in paradise.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
How does it feel to work in the factory that makes those car accessory fuzzy dice?
A barrette, a barretta, and a beret.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You say you didn't get a good look at the robbers face. Ok. What was she wearing?
I don't get no respect.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Can you give me an example of a double negative that's not a positive?
John Barleycorn must die!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Dear Abby. I am trying to color my white shoes a lovely shade of Chartruese. What should I do. Signed, John Barleycorn
The Male Muse
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
How do you write such masculine poetry?
This isn't really as hard as it looks.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there some reason I can only think of "dirty" questions to go with that answer?
Buns of steel.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What was the name again of that exercise video that Bob_Scopatz put out in the early 90's?
Itsy bitsy teeny weany yellow polka dot bikini.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
What did Ronald McDonald wear to the beach?
That explains the message on my answering machine.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
After they kidnapped me they said they called your house to ask for the ransom -- why didn't you help me?!?!
When I dance, the Lord weeps.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Daughter of the Lord of Buxenberry, how beautiful do you dance?
Im not going to fall for that again.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
The red pill or the blue?
It reminds me of Tasty Wheat.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did you like our new Soylent Blue?
Perfect, except for that one thing.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Sorry about the loss of the arm. Other than that, how did you like the new grenades?
Jacks, ball, and pick-up sticks without the black stick.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What are the three most useless items in the world?
If only they still sold chicken hats.
edit: am amused that this is the 1776 post...birth of a nation, no?
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 18, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Arrr. What's wrong with me pirate fashion sense?
Avast ye scurvey dog!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Cap'n! We're being boarded by scurvy dogs!
Nummy. Just the way I like it!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Argh, how's the grog?
Iron Sam Kidd was hung in a gibbet.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
My cousin Fracis hung himself in a breadbox. Beat that!
Ohhh my God...
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Have you gained weight?
Like you said, just behind the bushes.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Arrh, Iron Dog Kid was the third evilest pirate ever to sail from Texas.
I shall never walk the plank.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What do you think of the new exercise program we've put together in honor of National Talk Like A Pirate Day?
Fine, except for the singed eyebrows.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
*lights a fire*
Like this?
_________________________________
If I only had a brain.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Me zombie. Me Hungry.
There be whales here, Captain.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Ishmael, why has the crew decided to visit Sea World?
Chocolate covered men.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
Say, what was that deal back there with the life-sized army toys?
Believe me, I know that he keeps messing up the game.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What the! It's all wet! Hey, did Ren whizz on the electric fence again!
Pet it gently.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
How do you get the thing to do what you want it to do?
Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why is your rabbit making amourous advances to your pet goat Trixie?
It never rains, it pours.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hows the weather in Jamaca been treating you on your vacation?
Please, call me Threepwood. Guybrush Threepwood.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Hey there, Right Honorable Dennis Arturo Guybrush Threepwoodium III, Jr. How you doin' today?
Arrgh, they keep calling me, "Ms."
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Is it tough having the first name "Mrs."?
For I'm a yankee doodle dandy...I'm a yankee doodle boy!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Leonide say when she found out everyone was calling her a boy?
You kill my father, prepare to die!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
And then I poked your dad and he just fell over!
Head phones in my ears, drinking up my beer...
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What happened to Fossil's Question?
In this place. In this time. In this way.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Could you demonstrate the how's and whens of safely modeling chain mail underware?
Off we go into the wild blue yonder.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did the first lemming say to all his followers?
Pickled pipers prick prettily upon their panniers.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the lead goose say to the other geese?
And then there were none.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
A Panier packing pickled priest, a nun, and a bishop stand in front of a bar. The Priest goes in and orders a drink. The Bishop, disgusted, leaves.
Life, the Univers, and Everything except frogs.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What was Douglas Adams' favorite saying after an unfortunately violent altercation with Kermit the Frog?
Baby, I love your ways.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What was the last thing my date said before I escorted here to the door?
Yes, we have no bananas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Are you making love to a kumkwat? Why?
That is the 53rd most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
Posted by lilsciencepimp05 (Member # 4160) on :
Your epeidermis is showing.
Posted by lilsciencepimp05 (Member # 4160) on :
Your epidermis is showing.
It's infaltable.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What is that?
Some raven.
{Science Pimp, it's answer the last statement with a question and make a statement. )
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What did Edgar Allan Poe comment disdainfully after hearing the raven quoth: "Forever and Ever More?"
Only SuperHypnoGyratingMan can save us now.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Blossom say when she and the other Powerpuff Girls say when they were trapped by Mojo?
Damn, I hate rainy weather!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Rain, "I hate rivers." River, "I hate dams."
Hey, I rent inflatables. Honestly, I really do.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is there a place around here where I get a bigger, better ego?
Supereggo!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did Bob have for breakfast?
Let us to lettuce.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did the gentleman rabbit say to his lady love?
She looks just like Toto!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Do humans really start to resemble their pets?
I love watching typhoons coming in across the bay.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What are you doing out there? You need to find shelter.
That would be: insane, idiotic, and possibly fun.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Hey, everybody, wanna stand in buckets of water and lick electic fences?
Cheese, cheese, juice.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What are three things that make Locke vomit?
OMG, I had to watch a group hug.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Tell me one more time why you're not going back into the boy's locker room?
Because it looked like she had a unibrow.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why don't you think Brooke Shields is pretty?
Soup d'jour.
(Tammy, that was great.)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
And you french people call this broth with snails in it what now?
Ya, I bet you would.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Would you, if you spoke German, misspell the word 'ja'?
There's no skeleton's on your shopping list.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What do you say that my experiment isn't going to work? Igor's out right now picking up all the organs and bodily fluids.
Only a hula hoop and a dead cat.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Airport Security: So, whatcha got in the bag?
They actually aired that??
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Brittany spears was {Editted for those to young to know} on live TV?
Dem Bones.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
What was the name of that band that promotes organ donations?
That's it, no more styrofoam before bed.
Feyd
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I have no idea how to interpret a dream in which you were stamped "Fragile," Fed-Exed to yourself, and arrived in pieces. What do you think it means?
I'm putting this in your permanent record.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
You just said you liked a Boy Band?
And now, for something completely differnet...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I need a slogan for my new product...it's just like the internet, only different. What do you think?
Opening beer bottles with my forearm.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What does the alcoholic do now that he lost his hands?
Crappy weather in Paradise.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I hear Jimmy Buffet has really run out of ideas. What's the title of his new one?
Once you go crack, you never go back!
Posted by Mazzic (Member # 2185) on :
What did the demented chiropractor say to his intern on the first day?
Blue bells and periwinkle perfume.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What does a lady give a man if she wants to make him nervous on the first date?
People should be banned from driving after reaching a certain mental state in their lives.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's with all the people bicycling in California?
I prefer a non-dairy topping, please.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Time for the Packers game! Bob, got your cheesehead?
It almost looks like a monkey swallowing a chainsaw.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Wow, and you say she's having twins?
There's a fly strip in the air.
{Editted for idiocy.}
[This message has been edited by Centurion (edited September 23, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So Centurion, what's up?
No, i'll take it to go.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you like to go see your newborn son in the recovery room, sir?
I was attacked by an angry Republican and a swarm of bees.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, how was it visiting David Bowles?
..... and then i said to her "What chicken?"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So after she told you we were in for foul weather, what did you do?
Napkin Origami.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Something I could never do?
A trunk of junk and a ticket to fly.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, what did you find in that car you stole from the drug dealer?
Paris, France.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
What isn't black, white, and read all over?
I was up all night flirting.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Where'd all these phone numbers come from?
For when the metal ones decide to come for you.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Why do I have to keep practicing with these stupid paper birds?
Well I never said you weren't invited.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I don't have a tutu, but can I come too 2?
Two plus two does to equal four.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Chuck plus wood does to woodchucking as... ?
We met having sex.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You say you finally found your long, lost sister?
An entire roll of duct tape.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did you use to get all the hair removed from your body?
Lush green grass and a pink tulip.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What was on the picture that Centurion vomitted on?
Belly button lint.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm famished...what's for breakfast?
I used to have three.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Frisco, what's this scar in the middle of your chest, right between your two nipples?
Stand back! It's loaded!
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Could you show me the EX model?
Take two alka seltzer and call me in the morning.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the wife of that obese guy say when they were leaving the chili eating contest?
{Editted: because we both replied to the same post and mine still works for both. I'm so gooood! }
Tony De Marko looks cool on the History Channel.
[This message has been edited by Centurion (edited September 24, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
List me one thing that he does that is cool.
I wouldn't tell her even if shewas nocking lamps over with it.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the porn director say about his starlet's bad position?
The St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, how would you describe your date?
Don't roller skate naked threw a herd of Elephants.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So, Mr. Williams, I understand you just got back from Africa. That must have been exciting! What was the most important thing you discovered?
We all scream for ice cream.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Oh, you're part of a cult? What's your slogan?
The Hallelujah Chorus
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Lizard Wrestler: "I am tough. I creamed macho mann, I creamed The Undertaker. I creamed Hulk Hogan. Now it comes to this new guy, Vanilla Ice. Well, my loving audience, what do you want me to make of him?"
[Simo Post, but hey, it still kinda works]
He is the Professional Wrestler of Hatrackers.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited September 24, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited September 24, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What does he do again?
You don't say. (Because Ralphie did.)
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
She did WHAT with the whip???
Silly monkey, you can't get drunk on banannas...or can you?
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
*beats fists upon chest* Ooo..Ooaahh...Oohoohaha?
(edited to change answer: okay, it was a bad answer, i was trying to be clever and failed miserably ;0p)
The land of Nod, where all the happy people go.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
They smoke that to go where?
JFMAMJJASOND
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Can you think of a shorter name for our organization? Right now, we call ourselves the Jugglers From Macedonia and Maine, Just Juggling And Singing Over New Developments. It seems a little long and incomprehensible at this point.
She must have a great personality.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Wait -- is that guy dating a brain-eating zombie?
The Bureau of Better Beef
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Your butcher is a member of the BBB?
Sloppy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you call a world class sadistic dictator who gasses his own people with poisons?
I am Saddaam, Saddaam am I.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's the most twisted version of Green Eggs and Ham you've ever read?
Tiny little dots. All over the linoleum.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Whatdid her bikini look like?
A shade more shade.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Is there anything else I can do for you, master?
Like pumice.
(Edit: spelling)
[This message has been edited by Khavanon (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How did your breakfast taste, honey? It was 100% vegan.
I'm giving up my career as an organ grinder.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
What's with all this "Work from home" literature you've been getting in the mail lately?
Things have never been so swell.
(I am absolutely furious with myself for being at work earlier, rather than sitting here catching Leonide's Little Shop reference...) [Edit: spelling]
[This message has been edited by 2 (edited September 26, 2002).]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
How's the mortician business going?
They're flat, slimy organisms.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Is that your wife's family?
Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
He did WHAT with the flag?
I went to the dentist but the thing in my mouth ate him.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The dentist is missing, have you seen him?
Dinner is served. Urp.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Jeeves, why are there bread crumbs on your chin?
There is only one BookMaster.
(2: yay for catching that! i was hoping someone would )
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are YOU the bookmaster and not I?
Yup. A monkey, Enders Game, and 2 bananas.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Really, is that all that was left after the hurricane?
A ton of dirt on the kitchen floor and not a broom in sight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do you torture someone who has OCD?
Blow it up! Blow it up! Waaaaaaaayyy up!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How did you get your entire skull stuck in a condom?
Hours and years of grueling, rigorous training.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
He wanted to be a ballerina why?
Infomercials should be banned.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
$187,000 in credit card debt?
I get the kind with extra moisturizers.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What kind of facial cleanser do you use?
Ahhhh, the Wedding Show!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Is there anything on TV you want to watch?
... and a partiage in a pear tree.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: 5 Golaen Ings 4 Calling Bias 3 Fench Hens 2 Tutle Aoves ... drat, what was next?
Everybody. No, not you.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Are we all invited?
His shoes are on the wrong feet.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Can't dance huh?
I'll take a Pet's mart Shareable water please.
[This message has been edited by Doug J (edited September 27, 2002).]
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Next round's mine. What do you folks want?
He produces accurate and thorough work that meets or exceeds company standards.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Why did they fire Chuck from MacDonald's?
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What was that pysco-bable?
Wouldn't fit on a floppy.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Doug, you'll accept my Petsmart water, but not this submarine sandwich?
You'll never be a hero.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Just bologna and cheese again. My dear sandwhich...
We don't need another hero.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
I'm here to save the day!
If i go crazy....
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
It's "2 for the price of 1" day here at subway. Why don't you order another? It's free.
I thought I unplugged that.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Your cat was sucked up by the vacuum.
I thought he would look better like that.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
"Very nice painting! A heavenly choir of angels! And that guy floating down from the heavens...yes, that must be Jesus! Is he wearing a speedo?"
Yes. Tuesday. Opposable thumbs. Cookies.
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited September 27, 2002).]
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
We've evolved? When? How do you know? What are the benefits?
Nah, don't worry about it, it's fine.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
You wrote Monty Python and the Holy Grail? What was the original draft answer to "you can't fight, you've lost an arm!"?
You say potato, and i say potahto, you say tomato, and i say tomahto...
Posted by Yo-Yo (Member # 3775) on :
So, you dropped out of your Hooked on Phonics class?
It burned like a mother.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You drank a gallon of bleach for 5 dollars?!
1900 is a lot. I almost choked.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
So, I hear you're learning to cook. How did the first lesson in boiling water go?
We did it for his own sake, though it didn't look good at the time.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You killed the Japanese wine master. Why?
Tora Tora Tora!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the stuttering bullfighter say?
Personal injury attorney.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So what section of hell is that part for?
My thoughts exactly.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Screw that SOB!
Christmas lights in June.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's weirder than Thanksgiving turkeys in May?
Way way back. In the long ago time.
(edited for no answer ;0p)
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited September 27, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How long has that math teacher been teaching here?
You ask that as if you expect me to answer.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When did you stop beating little children?
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Why are you pleading the 5th about dancing with Maeth?
Three bears in a cat fight.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What is one answer no one could think of a question for?
It was never supposed to go this far.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you woke up with a hang over, wearing Tammy's clothes, Belle's shoes, and laying next to Bob. What happened?
You would not believe me if I told you, so I will lie a bit.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You mean to say you framed Martha Stewart by infiltrating the cheese ziggurat and placing the alien corncob under arrest?
Yeah, we saw that. But then we decided, hell, let the thing have its fun.
Posted by sylvrdragon (Member # 3332) on :
are you aware of the squirel that just crawled up your pants leg?
yep, I lose more socks that way
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Can't you do anything about Bob Dole living in your shoes?
I hate those cows. And their hay, too.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
So, you say you live next to a slaughter house?
Scuba diving for turtles.
(Sorry, Leonide. I thought the answer above would have been obvious. "Wow, Centurion is a lousy speller. Isn't it supposed to be , "Three bare in a cat fight?":P
{Editted: because I couldn't spell CAT!}
[This message has been edited by Centurion (edited October 01, 2002).]
Posted by Nylph (Member # 2690) on :
How did you get that...thing?
I didn't do it for the money. Honest!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Say now, did my brother pay you go on a date with me or am I as attractive as you make me out to be?
That reminds me of a song we used to sing, back in the day.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Hey, Sal, it turns out my boyfriend has gonorrhea.
76 trombones caught the morning sun!
(Centurion- i should have edited that to say "what was the one answer that LEONIDE couldn't come up with a question for?)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is it so damned dark outside?
It's Gladiator meets Hogan's Heroes.
Posted by Jeff (Member # 4298) on :
Whos on celebrity deathmatch tonight?
strange, but not as cool as the secret sauce
[This message has been edited by Jeff (edited September 30, 2002).]
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Overheard in the Burger King storage closet: So, how do you like it when I put some pickles and onions...here?
Filtration systems are my specialty.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What did the pool guy say?
Time is money!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So what was your theory that won you the Nobel Prize for Physics?
Never give up. Never Surrender. Never say..ouch that hurts.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Honey, when you're done lecturing the kids, would you please take out the garbage, like I asked you three times already? *punching arm playful but firmly*
It's iodine, I'm telling you.
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Is that PEE on your hands?!
Try and try again......
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How do you convict OJ?
Orange Juice is tastier.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What were Jim Jones' last words?
M&Ms are better than Eminem.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, what are the results from the latest MTV survey?
A very big rubber band.
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
So what's NASA's latest plan to survey Pluto?
Naw... that's just my cell phone.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Wow, are you really that happy to see her dance?
Another idiot on the road.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Holy Crap! Did you just ran over someone?
Why are you asking ME that?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you my mother?
The cat in the hat.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hey what is that, it looks like some sort of furry thing in a rectoidal volume?
1933.
EDIT: I thought someone had posted before me, but I was wrong
Hobbes
[This message has been edited by Hobbes (edited October 02, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What year is this guacamole?
(yours was better, go for it)
The army of the potatoe king thats who.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
So who is President Quayle saying we should attack this week?
I think I'll take a dozen.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wanna buy some cologne bottles?
Id estimate 1:200000000
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What're the chances Freud was right?
Sleep.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Where ya headed?
Stupid SuperEgo, go back to sleep.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What does Tammy need right now more than anything in the world?
I couldn't pull it off so I just chopped it off.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So Mrs Bobbit, how exactly DID you do it?
You and your silly games.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Just why did you leave when I was winning?
The light! The light!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What was the last thing the vampire said?
Oh god, not this again....
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Hi, I'm a door-to-door saleswoman...would you like to purchase some chain mesh underwear?
Great balls of fire!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
You kicked the Human Torch in the what?
Behold; I have achieved immortality of a sort.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You're being put into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the ugliest person ever?
Two dozen thumbtacks. I got the idea from an acupuncture book.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ouch! What did you put in this milkshake?
Every picture tells a story.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you just starring that picture of a can of soup?
I doubt you will get away with that.
Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :
How do I look with the crown jewels in my nipple piercings?
But the franks arent done!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Cannibal: Are you ready to add the Ted?
Fine its yours.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Do you still want your life?
You should die.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hmmmm should I choose the death or the cake?
Ive still got it.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
Where are your pictures??
My brother is fat.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What would the reletive of peter peter pumpkin eater say?
Unscrew the top and see.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What's that green stuff floating in the mason jar?
They should have mannequins to test out wetsuits.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why would someone make a concrete wetsuit? Don't they know you'll just sink?
Oh, thats just the thing that goes bump, crack, and slam in the night.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited October 02, 2002).]
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Is that curmudgeonly Bob over there?
Ritual shrines for pagans.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So, Toys For Tots bombed...what's your next non-profit venture?
I can't feel my neck.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
What do you say when you cross a vampire with novacaine?
Its eye popping, mouth gaping, stomach clenchingly funny.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Did you see Schindler's List?
A stapler and some scotch tape.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You know what I find fastenating?
Spell checkers are the death of good puns!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What spell can I use to kill all the good puns, and just leave the Evil puns to rule the P-universe?
I went to Pacifica University, good old P.U.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
I ask you again...why do you think your argument stunk to high heaven? Where in the world did you go to school?
He's contemplating the speed of lightning without the zigzags.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why is the professor poking that paper clip into the outlet and why is he holding a voltimeter?
Shaken, not stirred. No, wait...shaken AND stirred. And flipped over. Twice.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You are honeymooning through a hurrican? How are you?
That is what makes the world go round.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What's this stuff in my belly-button?
Frogmen.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What has lost its legs and claims to be a prince?
Darned child-safe lids.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
No matter how many I throw at the kids, those lids keep bouncing off without hurting them.
I'm rubber, your glue.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, which monopoly piece am I this game?
That reminds me. I need to go.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
And beside the beautiful gushing waters of Lake Peepee, there's a natural flowing waterfall...in addition, the house comes complete with a pool, two hot tubs, five bathrooms, and 10 sinks. Running water is everywhere! Now isn't that just splendid?
Sometimes Mickey Mouse scares me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you afraid to go to Disneyland?
Oh, him? Thats just the lovable village idiot.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who's that guy running around spouting nonsense and guzzling a 2 liter of Mountain Dew?
7 cents apiece, unless you want them in solid gold.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How much for the copper replicas of an ant?
(does that make me the village idiot? I gave up the dew *sigh*)
Peaches and pears, monkeys and bears.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
In my angle, Noah brought two of every animal and presumably plenty to eat. What did your Noah bring on his ark?
It sure looked like Mountain Dew.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How on earth can you mistake Mellow Yellow for Mountain Dew?
My lawyer tells me I cant answer that.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How are you today?
I don't know if I have the strength for 2000 tonight.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So champ, think you can go another 25 before I go to bed?
I think the world is a crazy music box and everyone is playing Its a Small World only off key.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Why are you wearing 7 pairs of earmuffs?
I don't know...I feel so slutty.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats it like wearing a dress?
The world is a crab and im the mallet.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's a good metaphor for the planet having to put up with your lame jokes?
It's already the longest. Anything more is uncivilized.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Mind if I add another post?
(I had such a good one too....)
It could be worse.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
I'm sorry, but did I just hear you say "dang right I'm the longest, and I'm thinking of having it circumcised"?
I think three lumps oughta do it.
[oops, mine was supposed to be for Frisco's] [edited to add the oops]
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited October 04, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Here's a picture of my genetically mutated camel. Waddaya think?
Crikey! She's a beaut!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you chasing that squirrel?
A penny saved is time wasted.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited October 04, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Wow! Why do you have three garbage cans of copper coins?
So slow. So slow...it hurts.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How fast is your internet connection?
9 cows and a grill
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Now that you're vegetarian, you say you're having nightmares? Want to tell me about one?
A blank Certificate of Authenticity.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
So, when you purchased your invisible Picasso, did anything else come with it?
It's all fine and dandy, except for the spatula-shaped growth.
[edited syntax]
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited October 04, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So how's the breast implant doing?
That was overblown.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you see that guy with the afro?
Here, take my clock in its replacement. My clock has 26 hours a day.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Dang it! I scheduled my date and my dentist appointment both for 8:00.
I am so made of cheese. It hurts to breathe.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What were the Stinky Cheese Man's last words?
She walks in beauty like the night
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats a polite way to say she's best seen when the lights are off?
Ah!!! You're a Ninja Nerd!
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Would it impress you if I could list in reverse alphabetical order the names of all 45 techniques of commiting seppuku?
You could fraternize with pandas.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well, I've been rejected by every frat house from here to the zoo. What should I do?
Cannibalism is not the diet of choice.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wow, have you noticed that those people sure did make Hannibal a little pudgy over the years.
The king of mops.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
But I like Ziggy! Can you even name one thing that Ziggy is not?
Oh, you are a dirty popsicle...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hey, I'm made of ice, why are you running me under hot water?
So close....
Posted by Rruk (Member # 3288) on :
So did you end up buying that new razor?
They use several burrows spread throughout their territory.
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
So where do rednecks put their garbage when they're done using it?
That would be 2000.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
How many pounds does your momma weigh?
jelly and gasoline.
Posted by claytonia the absurd (Member # 3865) on :
Dude, what are the primary ingredients in your "Bad Cop, Exploding Doughnuts"?
No, I think I got the post of the next millenium.
[This message has been edited by claytonia the absurd (edited October 06, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Look. It's the Memetic 2000, the post for the next milennium. Don't you wish you had it?
Combs hurt my ears.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are your ears bleeding?
You're about 4 inches and 3 years too short.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Munchkin to Dorothy, running into her three years after the Oz fiasco: "Hey there good lookin', I got a sweet flat in Munchkinland, how about you and me trying it out?"
Crazy as a hoot owl, that one.
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited October 06, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats the deal with T_Smith?
Jeez, they stink.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Whaddya think about these old posts?
Oh man. Oh manohmanohman.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
(may be slightly offensive, but ha!) What does God say when he's about at the end of his roll in the hay?
Now that was uncalled for!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Eh eh, nudge nudge know what I mean?
Thats gotta hurt.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you turned yourself inside out searching for answers?
No, no, it's just a toupee.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Is that a hat or did the blowdryer eat your hair again?
Okay, I'll do it again. Only because you're the needy, clingy type.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Oh c'mon do that clicky thing with snapple top again!
Well, after that I realised I had to kill him.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So he did that clinky thing with the snapple lid. What happened next?
Ted Bundy and Hannible Lechter are on the guest list.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Deleted because someone beat me to the answer.
grrr
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So who's going to your "Dead or Fictional" party?
It's because I type too slowly.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why does everyone call you "Slow Hand Luke?"
She was like a letter-opener to the heart.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did you think of the new Surgeon, Dr. Boom Boom DuBois?
I lost my heart to her.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What happened after she ate your liver?
He jumped up and down screaming "The chickens are coming!"
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So what did he say when you asked him why the chicken crossed the road?
Spit or swallow. Those are the only choices.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
::having a hard time thinking of a question that isn't gross::
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Come on, you can do it, exercise your mind a little. Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
I can't exercise it, it's stuck in the gutter.
::calls tow truck::
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
After swallowing half of his cow that momma had caught for his dinner, baby python decided he wasn't that hungry. His momma looked at him and said, " "
lame...but clean
I beg of you, please don't ever do that again. It feels to good.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That is neither a Peruvian Spit Robin nor a Yellow Breasted Swallow. Can I guess a Hornnosed Woodpecker?
{Me and Tammy posted together, but mine almost works with hers. Well, if you force it. If not, change "Can I guess a Honnosed Woodpecker" to "What do you think of my imitation of a Honnosed Woodpecker."}
That is neither disgusting or dirty.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
i like it!
praises Tammy
(edited for unintended smiley)
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Oh good one Dan....
go with Dan's!
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
also praise to dan!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
spit or swallow...
How did watermelon seed contests get started?
It's a new world record!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
What's that you say about the Book of Mormon, Mr. Crazy LDS Guy?
I lost my glow-in-the-dark chain mail underwear.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I heard you went to the Renn Fair this weekend. How was it?
Dancer wasn't dancing. Prancer wasn't prancing. But Blitzen was blitzed, so it was almost the typical Christmas.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So how was Christmas at the "Santa and his Old Lady commune"?
A pinch for Santa, a pinch for the reindeer, another pinch for Santa....
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I heard Mrs. Claus was acting like a real Ho ho ho. How was the rest of the party?
{That's two simo-posts for the day, but this one works}
Here comes Santa Claus.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited October 07, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I heard that Santa Clause gets really pissed when we post non-questions or answers in Begging the Question. I heard that he kills people when that happens.
Yogurt just isn't the same without crack.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Reporter: I understand that the cook here at the rehab center has been dealing. He was recently fired for it, in fact. Do you have any comments?
Ding ding ding ding ding.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What does a bell sound like after a Dong-ectomy?
Ding Dong V.S. Twinkie. mmmm.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Who's on Celebrity Death Match tonight?
A pickled herring named Clive.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Who are you talking to in there?
Well, this looks like another fine mess you've gotten us into.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
What did the compulsive eating Army enlisted man say to his enabling buddy?
76 Trombones in the Big Parade!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, what exactly did you throw at people?
I forgot to put up the "Dont break my heart" sign.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Why is the Holiday Inn cleaning lady blowing kisses at you?
Because after that he lived in abject terror, doubting he would ever feel safe again.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why did the chicken go into hiding after he crossed the highway?
And on your left, Mount Doom! Hey ladies, look over there! This happens very rarely on our tour... Its Legolas! Hi Leggy!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
*while taking the tour bus in fantasy land*
Hey look..over there on the right..isn't that Duke Atreides? See him..over there?
No..you are grounded. No more shuttles will be leaving this year.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
<whining>"Uncle Owen, can I go into Tashi Station and pick up some power converters, and then sneak off to the academy?"
It's got Robo-Grip™ Fighting Action!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What's new with your mother-in-law?
Same chainmail, different day.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Wait- you don't have to wash it every day?
He was found choking on a cat, a cow, and several small mushrooms.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I understand that you found a young man from Brobdingnag. What was he doing when you found him?
Lilliput doesn't have putt-putt golf.
Posted by Crazy Eddie (Member # 4208) on :
Why do you think that they're doing a particle physics experiment?
Roughly 2% of all posts on this forum.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How large was the previously longest thread on this forum?
Tie dyed and tuckered out.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
How'd you feel after going to Woodstock?
For the love of Pete, turn it off.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What did Pete want me to do with the tv?
Well then..
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
I swear if you say one more thing Im gonna go insane.
Lets see, 3+4 then carry the 2, divided by 6, um...
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Could you please come up to the board and explain last night's homework? (says the teacher who knows you didn't do it to begin with.) No, that's next week.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Hey why does it say "over 70's nitting class"? Isn't this the cross dressers theme night?
Press down and push stupid.
[This message has been edited by jebus202 (edited October 08, 2002).]
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
How can I award my curiosity?
How wonderful..
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Ewan McGregor: "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in wooooords....shoot, what's my line?"
Jack didn't, but Jill said, "Pickles!"
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hello Dr. Seuss, it's wonderful to interview you again! You have a new book out on the classic Jack and Jill story. Can you share a line with us you chose not to put in the story?
Damn dog. I'm going to have to get all new underwear at this rate.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Police Officer: So, ma'am, they were diggin up the yard for the pool, and they found...the remains of your missing husband, and about five pairs of chewed-up panties...do you have anything to say for yourself?
A scrumdidlyumptious bar!!
[edited because i felt like it]
[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited October 08, 2002).]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What was your favorite part of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory?
Three blind mice.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Really, do you have something in your pocket?
Only lasagna, and your sister. And maybe some postage stamps. But only if they're thirty three cent ones.
Posted by Psycho Triad (Member # 3331) on :
Welcome to Mancino's restaraunt. What would you like to order?
Because I ran out of laundry detergent.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Mikey! Why are you feeding your baby brother Pine-Sol?
It's a masterpiece. Unfortunately, it also stinks.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Did you complete your culinary tribute to gorgonzola?
Peter and Wendy, without any lost boys.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
What would the mature version of Peter Pan have?
It's just dinner.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hannibal! What did you hide in the oven?
I don't think you'll be able to see him. He's very shy.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
May I talk to The SilverBlue Sun?
42 pages and counting...
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
How far have you gotten in Dune - House Corrino?
It is very dangerous to say such a thing outloud. Be careful.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So, is this Orson Scott Card guy, like, a writer?
Green, sometimes purple, but NEVER red.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Reporter to Elisabeth Taylor, "Liz tell us, what color are your eyes...really?
Because he dropped like a diving bell...that's why he won't do that again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why won't the Jolly Green Giant help out at Sea World any more. The Valley girl answers, "Well, like..."
Down in the valley of the Jolly Green Giant.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ouch. What is this hard tin filling in my pillow and where did you get it?
I will not let this die.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Are you giving mouth-to-mouth to a carrot?!?
Yes, but never one in red high heels.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so excited, haven't you ever seen a drag race before?
I'm just a paperclip on the manila folder of life.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I know you're feeling insignificant, but the Office Supply Manager is a very respectable position...now, will you put down the letter opener?
The day is mine!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Are you sure it's Thursday?
Oh, ok. I saw the chicken coming, but could you warn me next time if you're going to use noodles?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, waht did you think of our little Haunted take out place?
No, I ordered Orange Roughy and a side of baked beans.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Here's you blue flounder and stewed beans sir. Is there anything else?
Get me the head of Prince Charming.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Sir, is it true your wife left you for prince charming?
Sorry, I don't eat people who can double as a noodle.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is Tuesday still Prince Spagetti day? (New Yorkers will get this one)
Havin' a gila!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
And what type of monster might ya be gnawing on mate?
Simply because most of us spent our childhood winters forced into puffy parkas like Pillsbury Dough Girls.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where did you come up with that cool name for your all girl rock band?
We are the United Baby Seal Coalition.
Posted by 2 (Member # 4107) on :
Why are you picketing outside the annual Clubbin' Club meeting? Who do you think you are?
I'm not handling the guilt of Catholicism very well.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Don't rend your clothes. You may use them later.
I found milk a year ago sittin in a pail It's been sittin since a year ago NOW IT'S CHEESE
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
What's that green stuff ya got in that pail?
Because he loved not wisely, but too well.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Oh, Mr. Bobbit. Why?
press the button or die
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
We can play craps or electronic poker. What should I do?
A single dice is a die.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats with you and the that dice?
I did it for the wookie.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did you spray Rogaine over your entire body?
I personally declared war on an uninhabited island.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How was your Canadian vacation?
It was the first time I had ever been spanked, and I loved it. Then I vomited.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How was your American Vacation?
You gotta love Las Vegas.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
So, how was your trip to Paris and Venice?
Orange marmalade on a stale bagel.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's tastier than a bump the thread on rye?
Radioactive ear plugs, I'm afraid.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Wait, why is that glowing stuff taking over his earwax?
Oooh, rack. I like rack.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Spanish Inquisition: Do you WISH to be tied to the rack?
I didn't know they could make those cordless.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Well, we've hooked up your intravenous drip, Mr. Miller. How do you feel?
Dammit, nurse! More suction!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Don't tell me he tried to shotgun another McDonald's shake, did he????!!!!
Someone ought to have predicted this.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Did you hear they busted that fake Jamacian 900 line psychic?
I know all the answers but that one.
[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited October 20, 2002).]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So Kissinger, if power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, why are all the girls you get ugly?
A four night stand followed by marriage.
Hobbes
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
So, how did you two meet?
The audio version of the book made me do it.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
How can you blame the Koran for driving you to terrorist acts? You can't even read!
The Devil made me do it.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why did you yank on St. Peter's beard while you were waiting at the Pearly Gates?
Only if I can have it with Strawberry jam on top.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited October 21, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Do you want this bod?
It's the great pumpkin, charlie brown.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Who is the one person you'll never meet at a Jenny Craig center?
They seem to come in clusters.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Everytime I think this thread is dead, and it goes days without a post, suddenly it pops back to life. How did all these posts get here?
I bet Larry is your favorite stooge.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So I here you your having problems with baseless assumptions?
Bet not.
Hobbes
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Do you know how confusing homonymns can be?
A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Who do you think you are Merry Poppins?
Wow, monkeys really did fly out of my butt.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Was visiting the wicked witch of the west everything you thought it would be?
kewl
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited October 21, 2002).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How do people who are too cool for cool spell cool?
Thats legolastounding.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Would you believe I built an entire scale model of Middle Earth out of Lego blocks?
An ornate cell phone.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
What did you use to call me from that fancy dungeon?
Blue--no, red--no, blue--no, purple!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
The red pill will make you rich, the blue will make you happy. Which do you choose?
Throw it in a blender, turn on high. Wala, chicken smoothie.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did Julia Child do when her oven blew up?
Porcelain cats, everywhere!
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What is your decoration tip?
Oh yea, baby!
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Have ya ever et a baby? Wull, giss wut's fer supper...
The Apple-atch-ee-uns.
Posted by Alter Eggo (Member # 2966) on :
Yes, but how do I really know for sure you're a West Virginian?
toenail clippings in the sink
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What made you decide to clean the bathroom after all this time?
The smaller the better.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What are you hoping she will say?
Voldemorte versus the Volcano
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
What was the man of that Harry Potter spin-off?
Eh, what i can i say. It's a living.
(lol, good one Raven)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you are a 35 year old stuntman for Harry Potter?
Yeah? Well she's a liar, cause I like... don't even know her..... Ok, look heres what happened, we were like.... walking by and she grabbed a hammer and said: "If you don't steal some money, I'll freakin kill you" and I like, didn't want to die or nothing, so I did what she said. Plus I though YOU would be there to help me! Where were you, is what I should be asking! I though you guys HELP the little poor defenseless guys out! Hey, look over there. *takes off*
Posted by Stringbean (Member # 4163) on :
What is a horrible excuse for committing a crime?
Because she said so.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why on earth did you rob a victoria secrets store for?
Ooooo, thats shiney.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Would you rather have this non-descript book (with the answers to all the questions man has ever asked) or this large ball of tin foil?
Shhhh! He'll hear you!
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited October 23, 2002).]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
WHAT THE #$@#$@ DO YOU MEAN YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A LARGE GIANT LIZARD WITH THE TASTE FOR MANFLESH!!!! WHERE'S MY PANTS?
They are in the icebox with the jello and tuna mixture.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So you say you still keep in contact with your previous girl-freinds?
8 1/2
Hobbes
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How many children do you have?
Does the professor know what you're up to?
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Mary Ann & Ginger are at it again.
I, Gilligan, am going to go answer the eternal question once and for all..I'm going to try a few simple experiments and decide which one is The Ideal Female . Wish me luck.
Because he wears a nice hat and works for Martha Stewart.
[This message has been edited by Tammy (edited October 23, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is that prisoner so popular with the other inmates?
It's a tsunami of love!
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Just what exactly is it about Hatrack that keeps us all so attentive and addicted?
Because one was a dud and the other just blew away.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you so mad at the Tornado in a Can industry?
You'd have to tie me in a sack to stop me.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
It looks like you have multiple personality disorder, as you think that you are both Pippen and Mary, I suggest that you stop watching LOTR.
Alpha channel
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call the channel that automatically comes on every time you turn on the TV in a hotel?
It gave me the heebie jeebies, that's for sure!
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I’ve always wondered how you felt when you were carried away by the white Gorillas?
Classic pose…. Legs crossed and arms folded
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How did Freud ask his wife to marry him?
In a jet powered car soaring over the desert, driven by drunken monkeys.
Hobbes
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Where did Dorothy end up when George Lucas tried his own version of The Wizard of Oz?
Grilled cheese and three and a half cherry tomatoes.
[edited to make sense]
[This message has been edited by MyrddinFyre (edited October 25, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
I heard your wife was a sensation in the new vegie tale play. What was she wearing?
The NOISE is Driving me crazy!!!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What do you think of my Numerical Origami Integrated Semiconductor Equation? (N.O.I.S.E. for short)
Peaches and creamora.
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
What's your favorite flavor of oatmeal?
Hangnails.
Posted by JohnKeats (Member # 1261) on :
What's your favorite flavor of Oatmeal?
Twenty, thirty, forty... no wait, twelve.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
How many slices of meatloaf can you cram in your mouth at one time?
And by the time I got there it had melted completely.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So your homework was taken by Iraqi spies and dropped on the space shuttle launch pad just before liftoff?
I find that hard to believe--LIAR!
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
Did I ever tell you that Dan_raven is my hero?
But the kittens - the kittens!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
Kama is hot.
Oh, you are a potted plant. So dirty...
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Does it look like I "get around"?
Supreme dedication to the pope.
Posted by Severian (Member # 2465) on :
So what made you switch deodorants?
You're sitting in it now.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
What was Gary Larson's Cartoon example of conversation stoppers?
Bill Waterson.
Hobbes
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What was Gary Larson's Cartoon example of conversation stoppers?
Charles Schulz.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Who wanted a pet iguana for his birthday when he was a young boy, but ended up being influenced beyond belief by a present he got instead.
Tasted cheesy and unmistakably smelly, kind of like 1,000 year old eggs.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
How was your blind date?
Uggggghhhhhhhhh ooga booga wa wahhhh.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
How many times will Gary Larson influnce this thread?
The flower children of the moon.
Hobbes
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
There is only one hope for eternal happiness, and do you know who makes sure that we get that?
Com'n, give me a smiley.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Oh Mr. Evil Tax collector, I've given you all my money, my house, my wife and my pet goldfish. What more do you ask of me?
One small step for mankind, one backrub for me.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
It appears that the laws against you ever venturing into public places have been repealed.
#include <stdlib.h>
Hobbes
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
How the heck do I get to use the stud of liberty function?
Power to heal, power to wear
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I like the idea of Turbo Tommy Transvestite as a super hero. What phrase will he call out to gain his powers?
Now I've gut a headache that just won't go away.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You shouldn't look into the barrel of a loaded spud cannon.
He photocopied his but and stapled it to his forehead.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How did he get conjunctionitis?
He's got a huge spread down South.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
What are they saying about The Bob Scopatz Fan Club?
Making decisions is evil.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
What conclusion did you come to after buying that swampland in Florida?
Bob
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in some swampland in Florida?
Purgatory lite!!!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Tired of the same old fattening Hell? Well, then, guess what can help you with your problems?
There's only ONE way to eat a Reese's.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you punishing all these trick-or-treaters?
The giant trackball of desire.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What was that cute name your arcade sweetheart called you?
The Joystick of power.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hmmmmm, what should I use to defeat my virtual enemies?
Hmmmm, smells like we are going to lose.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Oh my God!!! Did you just soil your chain mesh underwear?!!!
Bowling for Cauliflower.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What was one of the contests at the International Vegan Day Celebration?
Well, it all started when I decided to drink 32 glasses of Melonade...
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You've patented a device that renders urine drinkable?!?
My body rejected it, actually, but thanks anyway.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Did you like the drinkable urine?
No, he just said, "Bah bah black sheep, have you any fish?"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Was that Hal singing "Daisy" again?
A perch of birch is all I desire.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What could I give you to "light your fire"?
Wipe that silly grin off your face!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My goodness you've been attacked by Dr. Sticker. He's covered your entire body in ugly clashing stickers. Here is a rag,...
Randy ran on the red rug.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do you still roll your "R's"?
It's got mighty kung fu grip!
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why is that lizard clinging to your ear?
Yellow orange, green grape, black olive
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Concentrate man! Time is running out!! We need to figure out which food item Dr. Malevolent put the Urine Bomb into! We've narrowed it down to three...what are they again?
You and your fancy-pants "good grammar"...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did your evil grandma say to you when she saw you with your good grandma?
I'd like to buy the world a Coke.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Dr. Pepper, you just won the Cola Wars, what do you want to do next?
My that was all touchy feely wasn't it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did the new convert say after his baptism?
Put it on my tab.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Well Dr. Pepper, you just won the Cola Wars, How will you pay for it all?
I remember TAB. It tasted like Dr. Pepper without the taste.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
What was it like drinking my famous elixer of youth, which I have dubbed "The Age Bane," or TAB?
I should never have bought the generic brand of corn syrup.
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited November 01, 2002).]
Posted by Cedrios (Member # 1744) on :
What's with the nasty smell all over you every morning?
For American Great.
[This message has been edited by Cedrios (edited November 01, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You joined F.A.G.???
Florida voters.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
What's that you keep in your car so you can go in the carpool lane?
I have a peanut.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
You think just because I'm an elephant I'm going to do circus tricks?
But I'm so itchy!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
No, I'm Itchy, your Scratchy.
I never get the two of them mixed up.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Those are your knick-knacks? Why are they in two boxes?
burning burning burning burning O Lord Thou pluckest me out O Lord Though pluckest
burning
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it just me or is it hotter than Hell in here?
Perhaps I was making license plates.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So you lost your memory and you don't know where that backwards number on your forehead came from?
I want Sprite, not club soda.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you carrying that nymph in a seltzer bottle?
I went to a disinterested party.
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
Hey, Bob, you're back early. Weren't you going out to pick up chicks?
After all, they're my public too!
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You urinated on the public works?
asdfghjkl;'
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hello subconscious of my patient. I was wondering. Could you tell me something about this poor saps early life?
Mmmmmmmm, 66 slices of unprocessed cheese.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited November 04, 2002).]
What did Homer say after the sex change operation and his new employment as a cop?
Pink, green, pink, green, black. Oops.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's your favorite color?
I want to stop feeling.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
In the ill-fated romance between a naked mole rat and his porcupine lover, what was the final line the rat uttered before succumbing to his injuries?
It goes by way too fast. Make it stop.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What do you have against merry-go-rounds?
Why, my uncle Orson, of course!
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Who was that strange man I saw you kissing yesterday?
Hamsters.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What is your greatest fear?
I know Gromit! We'll go someplace where there's cheese!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
These finger sandwiches are great! What kind of meat is this?
EDIT: crud, Ludosti jumped in front of me!
Sno-Caps.
[This message has been edited by Icarus (edited November 05, 2002).]
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
Why did you have so many colds this year?
Dreams or reality just pick one
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Lets see, should I have a dream, some reality or a Pepsi One?
Run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm gonna print out all 45 pages of this thread and tape them together, then...what should I do with them?
A g-string from Layne Bryant.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's better than a jock strap from Kobe Bryant?
I'm pretty sure that'll clear up all on its own.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I got diagnosed with HIV yesterday...what should I do about it?
Yes. And that's why I'm irresistable.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you ride a glacier to work?
Talk about a meteoric rise!!!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is my erection noticable?
I tasted the rainbow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why is your tongue all black?
It's either Hebrides or New Hebrides.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
At the gay poligamists' wedding who was standing next to the He-Groom?
It must have been Slash.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I can't believe Guns 'n' Roses are back on tour. They're no good anymore. I think they've lost something.
I'm always the last to know and the first to feel the burning sensation.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So your pyromania has relapsed, has it?
My socks are much too cold for that.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
Ever tried walking on water?
I can't swim.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why are you so worried about Global Warming?
I'm looking for a stuffed animal that looks like my ex-wife.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that a box of needles and a gallon of goat's blood?
I was outstanding in my field.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
When did you get struck by lightening for the thirty second time this year?
Come on, that was to easy.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
How did you do on the SAT?
My cell phone and a pen. Nothing else.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
So, what'd you eat for lunch, O eater of metal and plastics?
The Wife of Bath.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What did you get at the Bridal Shower?
Soap on a rope.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What can I use to clean out my esophagus?
The great state of Florida.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Can you give me an example of an "oxymoron"?
Sitting on top of the world.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Where are you if all the houses look like roll-ons?
A pizza with everything and a broken harmonica.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Welcome to the House of Blues. What can I start you off with tonight?
Beg, borrow, or steal.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Thank you for your order. And how would you like to pay for that?
A mink stole!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Tom Mink is up for 3 counts of armed robbery. Isn't he from that gospel group, the Holy Minks?
Holy Minks, Batman, its the stolen stole.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
What did Robin say to you just before you pummeled him to a bloody smear?
I'm done with this Kleenex. You can have it back now.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Any of you fine ladies want to give me a token of your affection?
Oh, you mean this? It's just a prosthetic.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why Grandma, what big ears you have.
All the better. All the better.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why was Satan so gleeful when he got to harvest souls at the OTB parlor?
I have this pamphlet that explains it all.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, the only true religion is atheism?
The Pelican Boxers
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
What do the guys who "work" in the PIA area here call their softball team?
It's tough, but tasty.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What do you call lawyers who show up for court unprepared?
Snap, Crackle and Die!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
So let me get this straight. You stab the deer with a butcher's knife and eat its heart out before it's dead?
I just don't understand you!
edit: Whoa. Bob's post has been there for over an hour but didn't show up until I posted. Crazy...
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited November 08, 2002).]
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Why don't you take off those headphones so you can hear me?
Only a moron would think he could get away with it.
Posted by Marlozhan (Member # 2422) on :
What? Be so in love with the new cool CGI effects that his whole movie is computer animated, including the pears on a character's dinner plate?
Yep, I have lost every last one of them and I am proud of it!
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Hey, I heard you lost your virginity....how was it?
Hiding. Quietly. In the closet.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Geesh I can't believe I actually let you set me up with a blind date...btw..where is he?
Because he's into rugged individualism.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Why did that lumberjack take a dump in my bushes when there's a bathroom right here?
10 biscuits and some lard.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Oh man, my mom gave me Tuna again. What did your mom give you for lunch?
Its supposed to be one of those "bonding" experiences.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Tell me again why you put crazy glue on the toilet seat?
Accidently on purpose.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you put crazy glue on my toliet seat?!?
I could have used that you know.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Can you believe that I found your machete in the trunk of my car?
He's related to Flash Gordon.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Tell me again, just why did he commit suicide?
It's electric. Boogy woogy woogy.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Is your nose-cleaner battery-powered or manual?
Winona Ryder.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
How in the world are you going to buy your dress, your maid of honors dress and 16 bridesmaid dresses with only $400? Exactly who's going to help you accomplish that?
Because the man from Mars stopped eating bars, now he only eats guitars.
Posted by The Notorious Mr Meme (Member # 3958) on :
Why are you praying to the monkey god?
Yeah, so you talk to fish. Give me my car keys back.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Aquaman: Batman, Im not stealing your batmobile. Don't you know who I am?
The monkey was fluent in German.
Posted by Mazzic (Member # 2185) on :
Why on earth were you up there dancing the polka with that monkey?
But the bear knew what way to turn.
Posted by The Notorious Mr Meme (Member # 3958) on :
So why'd you leave the monkey?
That was a ripper.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Who's listed in the phone book before Jack The Ripper?
You are quite the cut up.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
So did I tell you I got a job at Enron?
The Mets are going to the World Series.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
So, your son made a birthday wish and all you can do is lie? Quick, lets test it out.
Im not sure but it involved a sock, cheesecake, and rope. Lots of rope.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
OK, I got drunk and then the stripper showed up. What happened next?
I'm disappointed yet again.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Did you hear that they already got someone to play the part of Bongo the Bear in that new Broadway show?
It sounded like a portuguese-speaking Arabian from the Bronx....
Posted by The Notorious Mr Meme (Member # 3958) on :
Was that your mother?
He's been rubbing bald monkeys again.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I heard Bob is back to his old hobbies. Which one is it this time?
I figured Pi to the 1,000th place, then had lunch.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Did you do anything productive today?
Gosh, I just LOVE you, Corporal. *giggle*
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Hey Sarge, any signs of Iraqi nerve gas?
Brains are a terrible thing to waste.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
You used Tabasco sauce on them?
I found it in my pants.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
So where was the neighbor's parakeet?
Warm, with a slight chance of snow.
Posted by Fael (Member # 3015) on :
You say the weatherman has finally gone off the edge? Why what was his forecast for today?
Cheese….Cheese ….CHEESE
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Now put your face in the live alligators mouth and say cheese.
That's what I call a face off.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What operation can turn a cube into a box?
Help is on the way.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Batman, I keep getting this darn printing error. Can you come over and get me set up?
Oooooo, egg nog!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Hey! Here comes Nog! What should we do?
5 pounds.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What can I get for $7.50 U.S.?
I write better with a stolen pen.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
You broke into the bank at midnight with an assortment of tools, and you want us to believe you were only trying to cut the stupid chains off of the pens. Why would anyone do that?
Engelbert and Humperdink would.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Who would want to start a war in this wonderful world?
Because I couldn't decide which peach to pick.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Why were you doing "eenie meanie miney moe" in the middle of the produce section?
I fart in your general direction!
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Honey, what do you do when I'm not around?
Please remove all snap bracelets.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
What's your advice for all our 80's time travellers?
Go ahead - punch me!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I enjoy the "tape a note to someone's back" practical joke as much as anyone, but on your own grandmother? What does it say?
I'd never seen a man so terrified of squirrels.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Have you met my uncle Alvin?
Abraham Lincoln and Q-bert.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Ooops. They were supposed to print our bussiness cards as Abraham, Lincoln, and Alberts--Mobile Gynocologists. What did they put on the card?
I'm Henry the 8th I am.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Okay sweetie, do you remember what to say when the teacher asks what your name is?
French-fried.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Erm, you want your lobster how?
He was wearing a diaper!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's the big deal? Everyone needs a change every once in a while.
Driving Miss Lazy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Where were you when the lights went out on Hatrack?
I plead the fifth of scotch.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Dude - you were so wasted last night! What did you end up getting tattoed across your butt?
Everybody hurts sometimes.
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited November 15, 2002).]
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
They only played REM at your prom? What was the theme?
Well you said to shove you into the shallow water before you got to deep.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
glub blub glub-glub, glub?
I am not that shallow.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Are you Robert Shallow?
That lime will pay dearly.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Ok, relax, what do you mean a fruit stole your tootsy roll pop?
Well then I felt the only right thing to do was milk him one last time.
Posted by Chaeron (Member # 744) on :
What did you do after you frightened that bull to death?
It's Mr. Tails; he's got a B.A. in nannas, folks.
[This message has been edited by Chaeron (edited November 15, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
What's so clever about your monkey?
I like to watch.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You know, your grass will grow whether or not you're out here in your lawnchair.
Not since I was a Boy Scout.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Have you ever sacrificed someone to satan by tieing them up and setting them on fire?
It reads: Bad luck and misfortune will follow you to the rest of your days.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Can you read my palm? Just ignore the scars, stitches, and puncture wounds.
I'm the daddy. That's why!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why are you putting your mouth on my stomach and making those ptttfttftt sounds?
I had finally seen heaven. It had a minibar and everything!
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Why did you look so dazed after your dentist appointment?
I know you are, but what am I?
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Pee Wee, has anyone ever told you what an amazingly talented actor you are?
The surrealistic adventure that will become your world.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What is the Matrix?
The monkey liked it, but I just fell and cried "Kleenex!"
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
What did they think of the trick where you blow a banana out of your noses.
It's better than blowing it out of somewhere else.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why would you hold your birthday blow out at Chucky Cheese's?
I didn't read the fine print.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Why did you sign the petition to keep the Anna Nicole show on the air?
Silly Boy. You are a silly, silly boy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How come when I look in the mirror all I see is a reflection of Pauley Shore?
Hey budddd-deeeee!!!
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
Your wife Dee, or some beer: Which do you want more?
Falling.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Blind person: "In what way would you say you are failing? Hello? Hello?"
It's been in my pocket since last December.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
That's the worst looking sprig of Mistletoe I've ever seen.
Thank you. I spent hours on my makeup.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I see you're wearing protection. How's it going?
Ink stains on my shirt!
EDIT: Dang, Dan beat me to it! Oh well, this sort of works for his too.
[This message has been edited by Bob_Scopatz (edited November 18, 2002).]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
So...being attacked by that squid was pretty bad, huh? What's worse, being a parapalegic or losing both your eyes?
A pack of Hulkamaniacs.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Whats that huge group of really big buff green guys up there?
Its the way I do business.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that Monopoly money?
They smelled new.
(p.s. Hulkamaniacs aren't green.)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Do you like my new compost heaps?
(p.s. I know. I was taking what you wanted me to refer to and turned it into The Hulk, and green giant but I don't think I need to tell you that )
Please don't say that right now.
[This message has been edited by T_Smith (edited November 18, 2002).]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That?
It was like watching two dogs sniffing butts.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
What did you think about the two Trekkies giving each other the Vulcan LiveLongAndProsper sign?
Disable Smilies in This Post. NOW.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Are you about why I am so or do I need to you some more - ?
On the other hand, I got all this...
[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited November 19, 2002).]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
As you can see, I have nothing up my sleeve, and nothing in this hand....
Thank God the dinosaur diarama is done.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Did you know that the pope is coming over for dinner?
(I tried. I really tried. But I was flabbergasted).
Where'd my chain mesh underwear go?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who thinks that the penalty for posting a question where an answer is required should be a broadsword to the groin?
Yes. Three hours and three fingers later...
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
So you accidently walked into the Canibal Family Reunion instead of the Wenches gathering. Were you able to leave?
That was the second best one yet.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Enjoying the new baby? (okay, this is sort of sick after the cannibal reference, but... )
A heavenly chorus told me.
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Are you sure I ought to order the rye instead of the foccacia? I really like foccacia.
Upward behind the onstreaming it mooned.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
What's a poetic way of saying "a loser flashed the crowd from his handglider?"
At least he didn't buy porno.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear that T just bought the new Jello Gone Wild video?
Its funnier coming from me.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Incorrect punctuation is not humorous, young man!
Yes. Just like Snoop Dogg.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
So you have fleas..hun?
Because I thought hotmail...was hotmale.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Why do you keep sending me those emails?
No, and bears do not eat jedi's either.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm going to feed you to the bears if you don't start to use your punctuation correctly. Is that what you want?
This is why I hate Christmas.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How'd you get that mistletoe shoved down your throat?
Unwelcome advances are still advances nonetheless.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Did you hear we are able to clone slugs and use their brains to cure brain damage?
My punctuation is hardly the problem.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is it true you lapsed into a comma?
It had a child-proof cap.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Why did you think giving your baby a bottle of sleeping pills as a chew toy was a good idea?
It's sort of like mixing chocolate chips with orange jello.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
What's it like when Ralphie tries to start a serious thread?
Lol Celia60, good one)
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