This is topic MAFIA DAY 8: The Tale of Sir Ryan in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Patsy (Member # 5699) on :
In the beauty of the sun dappled glade, Sir Ryan the Chicken Harted, incorrectly named Robin earlier in this story, proudly trotted, onward toward the goal...the glorious Cup of Christ...the Holy Grail. Behind him trailed his faithful servants, a musician and a lovely lady who could not carry much of a tune but thought Sir Ryan was cute.

The Troubadour sang beautifully, while accompanying himself with a small drum.

“Bravely bold Sir Ryan, rode forth from Camelot,
He was not afraid to die, Oh brave Sir Ryan,
He was not afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Ryan!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp
Or have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Ryan!

His head smashed in, and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off,
And his peni--“

“Uh...that’s enough music, lad. It looks like there’s dirty work afoot,” brave Sir Ryan interrupted, looking a bit green.

“Brave, brave, bra--“ the Troubadour continued singing.

“Shut UP.”

Blissful silence.

The happy band continued forth into the forest, until they spied three knights impaled on an enormous lance, which was then thrust into the trunk of a tree. They did not look comfortable. Trembling a bit, Sir Ryan signaled his following forward.

Scant feet later, they passed three knights sitting on the ground, each with an absolutely huge axe through his head.

Terrifying music began welling up, until the tension was so thick, it was on the verge of making Sir Ryan wet himself.

“Stop it, merry band of players!” insisted the tremulous brave, Sir Ryan.

“It’s not me! It’s the background music!” cried the Troubadour.

“Oh,” said Sir Ryan. “All right then.”

Suddenly, Sir Ryan stopped. Towering before him was an impossible sight -- a huge Three-Headed Knight.

“Halt! Who are thou!” boomed the First Head.

Singing, the Troubadour replied, “He is brave Sir Ryan, brave Sir Ryan, who --“

“Shut up!” snarled Sir Ryan. Then lightly back to the three headed knight, “Oh, nobody really...just passing through, you know.”

“What do you want?” boomed the Second Head.

“To fight and --“ continued the melodious Troubadour.

“Shut up!” hissed Sir Ryan, and to the knight again, “Nothing really. Just to pass through, good Sir Knight.”

“I’m afraid not,” boomed the Third Head.

Standing a little straighter, Sir Ryan replied, “I am a Knight of King Arthur’s Round Table.”

“The square one?” boomed the First Head.

“It’s square?”

“It is,” boomed the Second Head.

“Then I am a Knight of King Arthur’s Square Table,” replied Sir Ryan proudly. In truth, his secret hope was that the Three Headed Knight would be so afraid of the very reputation of his brother Knights that he could get through peacefully.

“It’s pretty hard to be afraid of a knight who doesn’t even know if a table is round or square,” boomed the Third Head.

“Yes, there is that,” replied the First Head.

“So shall we kill him?” asked the Second Head.

“I don’t think so. He’s too stupid to kill,” argued the Third Head.

“He might not be stupid, he might just not know the difference between square and round,” said the First Head.

“That IS stupid,” answered the Third Head.

“Stupid is such a harsh word. Let’s say ignorant instead,” replied the Second Head, reasonably.

“Ignorant isn’t the same as stupid,” argued the Third Head.

“Yes, it is!” insisted the First Head.

“It’s not!” yelled the Third Head.

The Second Head just rolled his eyes. At which point he noticed that Sir Ryan had disappeared.

“He’s gone!”


“Brave Sir Ryan ran away,” sang the Troubadour.

“I didn’t,” Sir Ryan replied, irritated.

“Bravely, bravely, ran away.”

“No, no, no.”

The Troubadour cast a keen eye at Sir Ryan and continued singing,
“When danger reared its ugly head,
Sir Ryan turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Ryan turned about,
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the brave Sir Ryan,
Petrified of being dead,
Soiled his pants, then brave Sir Ryan,
Turned away and fled.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Sir Ryan pulled out his long knife and threatened the Troubadour with it.

The Troubadour, pleased at this development, pulled out his revolver and pointed it at Sir Ryan.
“You can’t have that here!” squeaked Sir Ryan. “This is a medieval milleau!”

“I can. I can even show you my badge, if you like,” the Troubadour replied. “You’re under the arrest for the murder of Orem. Now come peacefully, ‘Brave’ Sir Ryan.” There was a touch of sneer to his final sentence.

“Damn. I wet myself,” commented Sir Ryan. And to adjust his armor, he raised his knife, which the Troubadour took as a threat.

He pulled the trigger.

The first bullet ricocheted off the armor and hit Rivka, the groupie. She collapsed, dead.


He pulled the trigger again.

The second bullet hit Sir Ryan full in the face. With a loud clank, he toppled to the ground, his shield bearing his signature charge chicken covering him poetically.

Howling with vengence, the small screaming horde of black dressed spies swarmed the sun dappled glade, stabbed the Troubadour a dozen or more times, then swept off to parts unknown for the next scene.



Damien, CITIZEN, died of natural causes
Eruve Nandiriel, CITIZEN, died of natural causes
Anna, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
blacwolve, POLICEMAN, killed by mafia
msquared, POLICEMAN, killed by mafia
newfoundlogic, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
Raia, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
rivka, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
Ryuko, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
T_Smith, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
Troubador, POLICEMAN, killed by mafia
Youth ap Orem, CITIZEN, killed by mafia
Damander, MAFIA, lynched
hansenj, MAFIA, lynched
Head Ditch Digger, MAFIA, lynched
jamaha, CITIZEN, lynched
Narnia, DOCTOR, lynched
Ralphie, CITIZEN, lynched
Ryan Hart, MAFIA, lynched
Zevlag, MAFIA, lynched

Erik Slaine
Feyd Baron
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Okay, before Troubador was so rudely killed, he did verify that Celia60 is definitely Mafia!

Folks, I am a cleared citizen. By announcing Celia60 as a fedora-wearing, knife-wielding spy in the Court of Camelot, I'm short for this world.

Edit to add: Loving this Jeni, you've cracked me up time and time again. [ROFL]

[ October 01, 2003, 01:30 PM: Message edited by: Sopwith ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
So much for not dead yet. [Wink]

And they got another cop. [Mad]

Remember what I said!

*floats eerily away*

Wait a sec, I'm a Sir Ryan groupie? Killed by a mis-aimed bullet? [Laugh] I think I liked my last death better.

But Troubs sure got a great scene! *applauds Patsy*

[ October 01, 2003, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: rivka ]
Posted by Her Royal Sweekiness (Member # 5747) on :
was there any indication that Troub was police before the hit?

Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
I'm just here to read patsy's wonderful comedy.

Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
yes, that's right folks, a vote for celia is a vote for a better tomorrow. only my death with show you what side i'm on.

don't be an idoit, vote celia! vote early! vote often!

i, of course, would never vote for myself, that would be even dumber than any of you not voting for me. of course, anyone i did vote for, you'd just misinterpret.

[ October 01, 2003, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: celia60 ]
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Your advertisement is persuasive.

I'll make my vote celia60 then.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I'm not even playing in this game and it seems clear to me that celia's mafia.


Posted by Pod (Member # 941) on :
I vote for Celia!

Burn 'er!

Burn t' witch!
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Now, Pod. You have to bolden your vote.

And that's why I am giving my endorsement to celia60
Posted by Patsy (Member # 5699) on :
Rivka, I promise that your next death will be Pulitzer material. [Big Grin] Picking the scene for this one was pretty easy (it was either this one or the King Brian scene, which didn't actually make it into the movie but is a funny read from the script), but weaving you into it was harder. I didn't do you justice. But I'll make it up to you next time. [Smile]
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Can I interrupt for a moment and just say celia60 ?
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Yeah, I have no choice in this. The hangman is eyeing me suspiciously, so no matter what I do, if this game doesn't end with Celia, I've got serious problems.

As a (likely meaningless) gesture of good faith, I'll vote celia60.

I really hope there aren't seven mafiosos, or my innocence is going to be proven in a most painful fashion.

Feyd Baron, DoC
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
A vote for celia60 is a vote for progress!
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Vote early! Vote often! Vote celia60!
Posted by coil (Member # 4571) on :
<peanut gallery>

A witch! A witch! Burn her! (celia)

</peanut gallery>
Posted by Satan (Member # 529) on :
I'm waiting for you, celia60. We've got a lot of work to do.
Posted by MojoJojo (Member # 5570) on :
I, MojoJojo would be remiss in my responsibilities as an evil genius if I could not count myself as voting for the evil celia who is currently being voted for in this thread, that I am now posting on.

*strikes evil pose*

Today, we will witness the fulmination of my, MojoJojo's evil plot do dominate the city of Townsville, and that plan, which is coming to fruition within this thread, that I am currently posting into! It will not be long before I strike down those cursed POWERPUFFS [Mad] and my evil plan of WORLD DOMINATION comes to it's climax! [Evil Laugh]

Ha! ha! ha! ha!
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Mojo, and others, make good cases for this evil person, so, I will have to vote for celia60!
Posted by Patsy (Member # 5699) on :
A stray arrow from the scene where King Brian calls for a close harmony group thwocks wildly into the gathering crowd, sinking feathers deep into MojoJojo's forehead.

Seventy five Saxons are written out of the story, leaving a large hole in the paper.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Pickin' on a poor monkey! Oh, well. Is this a good time to vote for celia60 then?
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
I feel bad for voting twice with the same name. But two names however...

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Welcome to Death, celia!

Come on in, have a nice cup o' tea. Meet the Misses.

btw, I am laughing much like this guy here [Evil Laugh]

The other students are looking at me. Perhaps I should stop.

[Evil Laugh] [Evil Laugh] [Evil Laugh]
Posted by Ron Post (Member # 5658) on :
-shift in-

celia's the evil babe today. [Big Grin] Vote for her. I wouldn't want to have to relocate my bladder.

-shift out-
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Okay folks, could we please ask that you only post in names of who you are in the game? It's only muddying the waters. Of course that could be part of it. Who are all of these?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
I was thinking. It could be pretty cool to vote for celia60!
Posted by Patsy (Member # 5699) on :
Soapy, it's okay. For a moment I thought there was some ambiguity on the voting trend, but it's becoming clearer to me which direction the wind is blowing. [Wink]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Hey! eslaine, get back to the Ghost Lounge. I'm still waiting on that drink.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*folds paper cranes*
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Hey Rivka... Aren't you dead?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*folds paper cranes fluffily*
Posted by fhqwhgads (Member # 5100) on :
i luv celia./
Posted by saxon45 (Member # 4943) on :
60% of saxon75s prefer celia60.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I vote for celia60 too.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
No question how to vote today: celia.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
AHAAAA! She's a sneaky one! Dang, I wish I could vote. [Wink]

Congrats on 5 mafia kills in 8 days!

rivka, I'm TOTALLY surprised that you lived as long as you did. You were one crazy vote-wielding citizen fighting for justice!!

jeni, you're a genius, these are hilarious.

There, that's my ghostly 2 cents. [Big Grin]
Posted by pajeba (Member # 5656) on :
Another police dead?? [Angst]
I am voting celia60 mafia now, as I will be gone for pretty much the rest of the day.

Great story, btw, Patsy [Wink]
Posted by The Editor-in-Chief (Member # 5014) on :
Posted by Snarky (Member # 4406) on :
Posted by Sarcasm (Member # 4653) on :
Posted by Captain Obvious (Member # 4486) on :
It's gotta be celia60. Duh.
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
Let me guess, celia is going to be lynched by the hordes of knights, shortly before they plan to take the french castle and are inturrupted. There are far to many extras in this scene...

Feyd Baron, DoC
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Oh, how I've dreamed of voting to lynch celia60. And now that dream is a reality.
Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :
Celia60 must die, but only for the entrepreneurial gain.
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator's Mom (Member # 5720) on :
I'll have to vote for celia60 because she's so cute in a noose. Now if I could only find someone suitible for my Trogdor

Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
I vote for Celia, on principle, she's always trying to kill me in mafia games.

Posted by Donny Osmond (Member # 5349) on :
My vote goes to celia60.
Posted by Gwen Stefani (Member # 5753) on :
hey baby hey baby hey girls say boys say...
Posted by newfoundlogic (Member # 3907) on :
If all these people not in the game can vote so can I. Celia [Big Grin]

By the way in the very first mafia thread after the sign up thread I wanted to vote for Ryan Hart.
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
Man...why did I have to be Sir Robin?

[ October 01, 2003, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: Ryan Hart ]
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Thanks for my great death scene Jeni! lol

Oh well guys, you're on your own now. I was working behind the scenes rather than exposing myself to an early mafia hit. I chose the right people to work through, but for those of you who questioned whether the cops were doing their job:

--|-- [Big Grin]

When this is all over, you'll see just how good our detective work was!
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I've always thought celia would look cute in a casket. I vote celia60.
Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :
Or an urn.

Friends in life, friends in death. celia.

[ October 01, 2003, 07:51 PM: Message edited by: Diosmel Duda ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
...36, 37, 38.

*folds more fluffy paper cranes*
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I'm told I ought to vote for celia60... And since I'm a follower, not a leader, I shall. My motto: leading gets you dead. (is dead) Hmmm... Maybe I should rethink my motto. Or stop inadvertently leading.
Posted by Xaposert (Member # 1612) on :
You mean you get to KILL people in this game? Why the heck aren't I playing?

I say off with celia60's head.

[ October 01, 2003, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: Xaposert ]
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
May I just put in: celia60?
Posted by powerfulcheese04 (Member # 4022) on :
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
26 oops, I mean ::cough, cough:: celia60!
Posted by Avadaru (Member # 3026) on :
Yeah, I'm going for Celia too.
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
:folds paper cranes with rivka::
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
44, folks. And almost out of time.


Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Am I too late?

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Dang. I missed the deadline. I guess celia will have to die!!! I tried to save you hon!!! I really did!! [Evil Laugh]
Posted by hansenj (Member # 4034) on :
*runs in*

*looks around mischeiviously*


*runs away*
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
I sure wouldn't like to be Celia today.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
And I say that in the most fluffy way [Big Grin]

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