I need to send someone an email, and after spending an inordinate amount of time drafting it, I'm realizing just how intimidated I am of people in general. The worst for me is having to call someone, because not only do I have to initiate the contact, I worry whether I'm interrupting something. Email is a little better because they can read it at their leisure, but you can be misinterpretted without tone of voice. Does anyone else get really nervous about dealing with people?
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Yah. I'm getting better at it, but my main problem is large groups of people. They get me so ... flustered. I think it's that I like devoting a specific amount of attention to people, and when there's more than 3 people in a group, I'm unable to do that. And I get very ... anxious I suppose would be the word. Messes me up. One on one I'm ok. I can deal with it. But groups ... *shudder*.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
I struggle with this all of the time. In my line of work I'm constantly meeting new people that I must work with and some days I just don't want to go to work. Aggressive personalities or a person that comes across as condescending especially troubles me. 99% of it is all in my head but it doesn't make easier. I'm constantly worried about that 1% of the time where it's real and when that happens I'm usually devastated for months. It's really the only aspect of my life that causes me any real drama.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I have the opposite problem. In person, I often intimidate people without meaning to.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
So, it's people like you who contribute to my life's difficulty.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I know i am intimadated by people. I can barely call people I like and ask them for help. It causes me agony and deep frustration. I am trying to get over it, but it's a struggle.
Posted by aragorn64 (Member # 4204) on :
Very much so. Calling people on the phone/answering the phone is one of my least favorite things to do. I worry too much about whether my tone of voice will offend them, I'll be calling at the wrong time, they'll be mad about why I called, I'll mishear them, they'll mishear me...talking to people in person is somewhat better, but I even worry about, say, ordering something to eat a restaurant sometimes.
Yes, I know. It's a serious problem that I'm trying to work on.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
I have the same problem with using the phone, and the same problem as mph in person.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Originally posted by Steev: So, it's people like you who contribute to my life's difficulty.
And it's people like you who contribute to my life's difficulty. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I prefer middling crowds of, say, twenty to thirty people. In this way, you can have private conversations for short periods with groups of up to five, and then can move on to another conversation when you tire of that one. If everyone's doing their job and mingling appropriately, this can be joyous.
Unfortunately, not everyone knows their social responsibilities, so I often find myself working as a sort of lubricant in these situations, being more commanding and obnoxious than I really am in order to push and intermix the groups -- kind of like adding soap to oil and water to emulsify them. As silly as this sounds, I actually consider this a duty.
It's been my experience that people who sit alone in corners at parties, even if they say they prefer their own company, usually have a lever or two that, when pulled, will enable them to have fun in society. Finding it can be a trick and a half, though, and really stubborn introverts can't usually be defeated in a single afternoon.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head:
quote:Originally posted by Steev: So, it's people like you who contribute to my life's difficulty.
And it's people like you who contribute to my life's difficulty.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
I get the most intimidated when I'm in a new place/group and I'm the only new one... I feel like I'm at a disadvantage not knowing how the intra-group dynamics work and find myself constantly wondering if the way people are behaving at that time is natural or different because of my presence.
Aside from that, I'm pretty cool with interacting (big groups, little groups, phone, email). I figure we've all got something to offer, the people I'm dealing with and me. It's just a matter of learning how to interact with each other to get the best results.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: I prefer middling crowds of, say, twenty to thirty people.
Again, *shudder*. That is my second least favorite setting, beat out only by large groups, such as amusment parks or concerts. I prefer just the group of 5, though 5 is pushing it because then it seems probable that one person will be left out, and that creates stress for me, which leads to anxiety, which leads to ... well, we'll stop there.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Oh, and Porter, I didn't find you intimidating. Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
If I'm in any kind of funk, people tend to assume I'm angry. At them.
Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
Tom as a lubricant... hmm, never thought of it that way. I'd have to say that my first thought was lubricants aren't abrasive! Posted by JennaDean (Member # 8816) on :
I HATE making phone calls ... whether to a stranger to order pizza, or to a friend. I can call my mom and my hubby ... sometimes my sister ... that's it, without anxiety. Everyone else I have to ponder and work my nerve up before I do it.
And I'd much rather be in a large crowd than in a crowd of about 30 where everyone will notice me. I'd rather be on stage in front of a large crowd than walk into a smaller room full of people I don't know well.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
I don't like leaving messages. I'd rather talk to someone directly. Otherwise the message goes someting like this:
Me: Uh, hi. This is Anne. My mom told me to call to return your call. Uh, yeah. I'm returning the call. So, um, call back I guess? But, yeah. Just returning your call. Bye. Uh, see you later.
I have no problem talking in groups. I'm the 'people person' in my family. Or so my brother says. If I know at least one or two people in the group, I'm fine. If I don't know anyone, it'll take me a while to talk. They don't intimidate me, I just don't know them.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
Jeesh - I'm the same as you with taking a while to talk if I don't know people. I guess I try to sort of size up the whole situation before I contribute.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Same with me. I hate leaving messages. I like small groups. No more than 2 or 3 people. More than that and I go silent because no one pulls me into the conversation Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
Maybe it's not you being stuck in 'silent', maybe they're just not talking about interesting enough stuff, Synesthesia! ; )
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
What kinds of groups I enjoy can vary greatly depending on my mood and the feel of the group. So basically, of all the variables involved, the number of people is almost insignificant in comparison.
In general I try to enjoy myself in large groups of people. But I am too often and too much both a chameleon and a mirror. If a group is uptight, I will be more uptight. If my comments fall flat, I will be more quiet. If the group is warm towards me, I will act quite extroverted. I have a hard time going against the grain.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I'm not intimidated by people in a general sense, but I do prefer small groups where I know mostly everyone. If I have to integrate myself into a large group I require a year or so to do it.
Mostly I worry about not knowing what to do or where to go. I like to research everything ahead of time so I can know exactly what I have to do. I write down exactly what I'm going to say on any phone call I feel worried about making.
EDIT: I suppose I worry about looking incompentant in front of people. If I'm going to do something- whether it is making a phone call, walking into a room, attending a party or performing, I want to do it well or not at all.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
beverly - I was in a new place/new people/TONS of people last weekend... As usual I was quiet to start and then loosened up. By Saturday evening there were about 100 people there and I did another one of my usual actions and started talking to a small group on the side... I entered into one particular conversation with just one other person and we spoke for a while.
He's a little over a decade older than me with a whole lot more experience. We somehow got to the topic of personality and he sized me up as a chameleon... I'd never thought of myself as that. After we talked about it for a while, I completely understood and realized that I should change the way I jump into new groups.
I realized that my 'sizing up' of the situation is fine, I still want to respect the people I'm with. More importantly I realized that I don't have to change myself just to fit in with them. I decided on working to maintain my own thoughts and views and personality when I'm in a new situation. That's not to say that I was changing those constantly before, I'd just choose not to respond to ideas I didn't agree with other than to smile or give some other non-verbal response.
I think I'll learn more about people (and myself!) if I'm more honest with my opinions.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
My problem is I quite often find myself agreeing with both sides of an argument. I think I'm OK with disagreeing when I find something said is outright false, though.
The way in which I am most like a chameleon is that I tend to take on the idiosyncricies and "style" of the person I am with. I can be loud and silly if the person I am with is. I am quiet and demure around such as are. I find myself feeling somehow dishonest when a person who thinks I am one way sees me take on such a different personna. I can't tell you how often someone who thinks they know me hears my voice on the phone and says, "I didn't recognize you, you sound... different."
I seem to experience outright schizophrenia when I am with Porter's family: loud and obnoxious, and my refined, demure Japanese sis-in-law is there.
Sometimes I feel lost within myself, like there is no real "me" underneath. Posted by Tstorm (Member # 1871) on :
I could feel comfortable in a social group of 20 to 30 people, but only if I knew the majority of them. Maintaining social graces with 20 strangers isn't easy, though. I'm slightly introverted in groups of strangers, and I think a group of 5 strangers stretches my limit for outgoing social activity. But, if someone else takes an interest in conversation, I'll usually join them.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I'm generally at ease with people. I don't particularly enjoy talking on the phone, but I don't hate it either; it's just that I see the phone more as a tool than as a medium for social interactions. That said, I spend a fair amount of time chatting on the phone.
I'm fine with people alone, or in large or small groups. I tend to draw out people who seem to be shy and feeling uncomfortable, bringing them into conversations in ways that are comfortable for them, and generally making them feel included. It's just something that I do naturally, though; it isn't something that I view as a duty or obligation or something.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: It's been my experience that people who sit alone in corners at parties, even if they say they prefer their own company, usually have a lever or two that, when pulled, will enable them to have fun in society. Finding it can be a trick and a half, though, and really stubborn introverts can't usually be defeated in a single afternoon.
AS an introvert, I would love to be like you. It's not like I stay in the corner because I enjoy watching everyone else have fun while being miserable myself. I stay there because I don't know how to have fun, and everytime I've tried it's gone badly.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
When you see someone engaging in some activity that looks 'fun' to you, what do you think stops you from joining in?
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote:I tend to draw out people who seem to be shy and feeling uncomfortable, bringing them into conversations in ways that are comfortable for them, and generally making them feel included. It's just something that I do naturally, though; it isn't something that I view as a duty or obligation or something.
I think this one of the best qualities anyone can have, socially. Some people are very social and totally ignore quieter people, shutting them further out of the conversation or group and make them feel even more isolated or uncomfortable. Sometimes a quiet person just needs an avenue to join in.
To add to my own statement, I can vary between wanting to talk and wanting to listen, depending on my mood as well as on the company- which is why I appreciate people like Noemon, who can include me when I'm on a quiet day.
People are often surprised when they see me be apparantly extrovertish for the first time-, but it's not such a stretch for me. When I was younger I was very much a leader and centre of things. It's only been in my pre-teen and teenage years that I really became quiet. When I need it, and if I'm feeling happy and confident, I can still make the leap into the "old" Teshi's more, shall we say, outgoing ways. Heh. I wasn't shy back then, so I'm not really shy now, only a lot quieter. Back then it was 40/60 (40 being quiet), now it's more like 80/20 or even 90/10.
The result- and the upside- of this is I can go from being ridiculously quiet to quite involved- perhaps more involved than people who tend to "look after me" (because of my quietness) expect. :/
The downside is that I am quiet when I can remember being a big part of everything. However, It may be a good thing I'm not as daring now as I was then, thinking back. O.o
EDIT:
quote:I stay there because I don't know how to have fun, and everytime I've tried it's gone badly.
Before a social activity I am almost always annoyed at myself for going and not just not going. I am convinced I'm going to hate it. Usually, once I'm there, I've had many an excellent time.
However, I usually leave as soon as I feel like I've had enough, which makes me one of those Cinderella people who leaves at midnight in case her carriage turns into a pumpkin all of a sudden. By not pushing myself too far, I can have good memories of an occaision, rather than bad ones.
I never go to something with people I don't like or don't trust or I know is just going to be a lot of drunk/high/rowdy strangers. I know I cannot do that kind of thing, so I do not expect myself to.
Posted by Jhai (Member # 5633) on :
I get tired out by social events. Often I have a little battle of wills inside my head before I convince myself that I'll enjoy going to a party or out with coworkers to get a few beers.
I normally *do* enjoy myself, but I come home drained. And it's difficult to force myself to go out and socalize more than once or twice a week. Guess I'm a homebody - although I enjoy spending tons of time with close friends in small groups playing games or eating dinner. Growing up, my favorite time of the day was when I got to be a latchkey kid, at home by myself.
Oh, and I hate answering the phone. Especially if I don't know who's calling.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I'm really comfortable around people, whether I know them or not. But I used to spend a lot of time meeting people and striking up conversations with strangers when I was promoting. What's weird is that I was an introvert for a really long time. But I can usually come up with conversation starters for a situation.
-pH
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
The one thing that tires me out the most is the mall... Honestly. I find myself getting tired and irritable within 1/2 an hour of being there to the point where I avoid any like the plague!!
I'm telling you - they're life/energy vampires!!!
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
A friend of mine once got very angry at me for being with her and her friends and not talking very much. But what could I do? They were sitting there talking about people I don't know, about things I am not interested in and they didn't really bother to pull me into the conversation. I can't really jump in when people are talking often because to me interrupting is a bit rude. So when I get around people they tend to ignore me. I'd go to these meetings back in 2004 and everyone would talk and just ignore me and it was depressing, especially when it cost so much to go there... Finally at a party it was exasperating. I could have gone home and listened to music instead of being there.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
I get very intimidated when I'm in an environment where everyone knows each other . . . except for me. Then I hardly talk.
Otherwise, I'm a pretty smooth, confident person. I talk to everyone I meet, and I'm friendly enough that I'm never intimidating.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
I talk to the quiet people at parties, because they're usually the most interesting ones there. The ones who are sparkling and vivacious wits often are because they are hungry for attention, approval, recognition, or whatever. They are fun too, but the quiet ones are usually the true stars. Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
beverly - I wonder sometimes if some people hold more capacity for personality than others. Just the same way as some people are better at math, better at teaching, better at whatever... maybe personality is one of those categories.
I say don't fault yourself for easily learning and adapting to the way people interact. It's a gift.
At the same time, I understand and empathize with your frustration in discovering who the 'true you' is.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I always think it's funny when I notice people using the same tricks that I use in conversation. Like, I was talking to this guy at a bar the other night, and we'd been talking for a while, and all of a sudden he was like, "Hey, meet my friend [something or other]."
I laughed and said, "I see. You can't remember my name, so this is how you find out without asking again. Smooth."
-pH
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote:I'd have to say that my first thought was lubricants aren't abrasive!
The goal is to get things moving. Sometimes a little friction is necessary for that initial "push," although not always (thankfully).
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
That was a quote from a different topic, right? Just making sure I'm not losing it...
Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
<grins>
I think I want to leave that one alone.
<snickers>
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
Walked into that one - if you're talking about my comment, that is...
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
I have the easiest time talking to people in person, and I think it's because in person you can see whether they're busy or not or whether you're interrupting. I hate to inconvenience people but if I can see that they aren't doing anything I feel a lot better about initiating a conversation.
quote:However, I usually leave as soon as I feel like I've had enough, which makes me one of those Cinderella people who leaves at midnight in case her carriage turns into a pumpkin all of a sudden. By not pushing myself too far, I can have good memories of an occaision, rather than bad ones.
I do this too. After staying too long at a few parties/gatherings, I've learned that I only have so much tolerance for such environments. If I stay for too long, I end up being miserable and bored and have bad memories of it. I now make an effort to leave as soon as I start feeling bored or uncomfortable even though I may still being having a pretty good time, because that way I don't get too drained and I remember the experience positively.
quote:I prefer middling crowds of, say, twenty to thirty people. In this way, you can have private conversations for short periods with groups of up to five, and then can move on to another conversation when you tire of that one.
This is how I am, as long as I know the majority of the people. I can only carry on a conversation with one group of people for so long, and with this size group I mingle and have a series of short conversations.
With people I don't know I tend to be almost silent at first. It's not intentional, I just don't know what to say. I think part of the problem is that in situations where there are a lot of people who don't know each other a lot of people ask questions that only require one word answers. What is your name, where are you from, what's your major, etc. Once I get into the mode of answering with one or two words, it's hard to get out of it even if I could make a longer answer.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
I sometimes have a hard time going alone to a party full of strangers, but so long as I have a friend or two with me for banter, it's usually a pretty good time. But that one friend's pretty key for opening up conversation to the rest of the room, I've noticed. Without it, the room's ice cold.
Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
Actually cmc, I was referring to Tom's comment. If you take that out of context, it can be a bit funny. Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
I get it! Whoa.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
True enough, indeed...
Ever wonder how many comments that can be taken out of context were meant that way? There's got to be a statistic somewhere... There are statistics on everything!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote: Ever wonder how many comments that can be taken out of context were meant that way?
I'm not telling.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
Well of course not! That would ruin 1/2 your fun of setting people up for them... ; )
But - that doesn't intimidate me...
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I am comfortable in front of a crowd, because in a sense I am a performer. However, in a more give-and-take environment, I tend to be quiet until I feel comfortable. Sometimes people mistake me as being more shy than I actually am; the fact is, once I get going I tend to be fairly dominant. It just takes me a bit to get going.*
But if somebody comments on me being shy or quiet during that initial period, then it's all over. I might as well go home. Because that will make me self-conscious and unable to find a way to be myself and interact with the group--it will feel forced to me. The rest of any event where somebody comments on me being quiet is invariably excruciating to me. In fact, thinking upon it now, next time it happens I will save myself hours of misery and seek the next possible excuse to go home.
*And sometimes I just can't find a niche, like when I'm the lone married man in a room full of flirtatious singles.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lalo: I sometimes have a hard time going alone to a party full of strangers, but so long as I have a friend or two with me for banter, it's usually a pretty good time. But that one friend's pretty key for opening up conversation to the rest of the room, I've noticed. Without it, the room's ice cold.
I'm the same way. The only time I feel intimidated by people is when I'm in a large group of people who all know each other when I know no one, but if no one knows anyone, I'll be fine.
I've been told by more than one person that I'm intimidating, though. And when I protested and pointed out my tiny stature, they replied that size has nothing to do with it.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Oh yeah. I've been told that I'm intimidating as well. Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
I'm usually at one end of the extreme. When I'm with a group of 6 or 7 close friends, I'm easily the most talkative person, the one making all of the jokes and talking to everyone. But when I'm in a group of around 20 not-so-close friends, I'm probably the most quiet person there. And I'm definitely pretty bad at socializing if there are only strangers. I'm very bad at introducing myself if I don't know anyone else and I feel awkward.
Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
I'm not, but I have an interesting story about real intimidation.
The Director of the agency I work for is a three star general in the army, and when he first took over, he visited the shop where I work (I was on leave at the time). He was briefed by an Army sergeant that was so freaked out he passed out in the middle of the briefing. Everyone in the room was so suppressed by "the presence" that the Director had to help the sergeant himself because no-one else was able to move.
The funny part is the general is a pretty short bespecled guy that I'm not even sure they would have noticed was there had he been wearing civvies.
Next time you think "intimidation" think of that.
Posted by cheiros do ender (Member # 8849) on :
There's a certain type of girl I find intimidating.
Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
One that is breathing?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I used to find unfamiliar people and situations intimidating, but I got over it. I'll tell you how, because I believe that my method would work for just about anyone. I faked it. I would pretend to be the kind of person who was self-confident and comfortable, even when (especially when) I wasn't. And just like in that dippy song, when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well.* At a party, a job interview, when speaking in public, I'd just take a deep breath and pretend that I was self-confident and comfortable in the situation. At times when I couldn't pull it off, I'd just do an impression, kind of channel, someone who is good in that situation. When speaking in public, I would pretend to be one of my favorite high school teachers, who really knew how to work a room. In an interview, I'd be one of those savvy career women from the old black-and-white movies, the ones who would take off their hat and gloves when they sit down and get down to business. At parties, I would be my cousin, who has such an easy way with people.
And after faking it enough times, I found that I really DID have comfort and self-confidence, and I didn't have to fake it any more. Or hardly ever.
*"Whistle a Happy Tune", from The King and I.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
quote:Originally posted by GaalDornick: When I'm with a group of 6 or 7 close friends, I'm easily the most talkative person, the one making all of the jokes and talking to everyone. But when I'm in a group of around 20 not-so-close friends, I'm probably the most quiet person there.
That doesn't happen to me. I just have to know them to be comfortable. If I've never met them, then that's my problem. If I know them, then I'm the fun one in the group. If I don't, I have to introduce my self to everyone (and get to know them) before I loosen up a lot.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
quote:Originally posted by GaalDornick: I'm usually at one end of the extreme. When I'm with a group of 6 or 7 close friends, I'm easily the most talkative person, the one making all of the jokes and talking to everyone. But when I'm in a group of around 20 not-so-close friends, I'm probably the most quiet person there. And I'm definitely pretty bad at socializing if there are only strangers. I'm very bad at introducing myself if I don't know anyone else and I feel awkward.
This is exactly how I am.
Posted by Kristen (Member # 9200) on :
quote:At times when I couldn't pull it off, I'd just do an impression, kind of channel, someone who is good in that situation. When speaking in public, I would pretend to be one of my favorite high school teachers, who really knew how to work a room.
That is exactly what I do. Most people would be surprised that I feel painfully awkward in groups or most social conversations, but, if I feel shy, I merely imitate what I think a socialable person would do (specific friends come to mind). And--no surprise--it gets easier each time.
I'm still an introvert and there's no getting around that. I am ALWAYS more comfortable in low pressure one-on-one situations with people I connect with and know well.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
That's pretty much what I did, Tante. I used to be terribly shy and introverted and had a lot of trouble in social situations until I just started acting really cocky, even if I was freaking out and really nervous inside. I mean, just the way you carry yourself can make a WORLD of difference in the way people perceive you.
-pH
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I prefer email to phone calls, 'cuz you can edit email. I especially prefer email to phone messages, because those cannot be edited, but they are not ephemeral (or at least may not be).
In-person conversations are ok (and in some ways better than email), because the other 80% (body language, etc.) are there for proper context. OTOH, if given a choice I will usually stay home. Even though when I do go somewhere, I usually enjoy myself. So, I push myself to go out (I have regular classes I attend, for instance), and that works well.
And while I am not at all a fan of public speaking, I can do it when necessary (just don't expect me to volunteer, and DO give me some idea of what to talk about). The irony is that I was a teacher for 10 years . . .
And no one ever believes me when I say I'm an introvert, but I really am. I just overcompensate . . . and then tends to intimidate people. >_<
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
beverly, I had a boyfriend in college who called me a chameleon (not a compliment). He said he didn't know who I was because I changed whoever I was with. Well, I recognized that there was truth in that and as a result it bothered me for years. But you know, I don't think it's such a negative anymore. I think if he'd really been the right person for me, he would have gotten to know and understand those different aspects of my personality. What he didn't understand was that I wasn't just reflecting people around me, but bringing out different parts of the whole me that blended well with those people. (Sheesh, I sound like a multiple personality--really, I'm not a nutcase. I know, that's what they all say!)
Anyway, I think I'm still that way (chameleony, not crazy) but just a more confident, well-rounded person overall now, with a better sense of who I am. Some of it's just time and experience.
For those who say that social situations tire you, that's one of the defining traits that separate introverts from extroverts according to Myers-Briggs. It's a matter of what energizes you--do you recharge your batteries by going to a party or by spending a quiet night alone?
I'm definitely an introvert, but some people who know me think that's not true at all. One friend in particular (very much an extrovert herself), first met me as my trainer on my first day at a new job. In her mind, I couldn't possibly be an introvert because I walked into my new job on the first day, confidently shook her hand and looked her in the eye and said, "Hi, I'm . . ." Well, just like Tante said, I'm a great faker. That was a terrifying moment for me! I'm envious of her ability to eagerly anticipate getting to know new people.
I'm highly social in the sense of needing people in my life, and I talk on the phone with friends fairly frequently and at length. But I HATE business phone calls, which gets me into trouble because I'll procrastinate them. And I definitely far prefer small groups of familiar people to large groups of unfamiliar people. Party w/ mostly new people = scary and stressful.
But I still want to be a "real" jatraquero someday!
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
The "the other person feels as nervous as you do" realization was a good one for me. It was specifically for girls I was trying to ask out, back in freshman year of high school and it got me over the hump many a time.
It's funny, though, now that I think about it, because I now have little to no problem dealing with pretty much anyone. I definitely don't get intimidated. Which kind of makes that realization untrue, as people who are nervous talking to me aren't being matched by my ease of mind while talking to them.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Uprooted, I definitely think that as time goes on, I am more comfortable with my chameleony nature. I try to use it to my advantage and not let it bother me. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always said that I am only truly myself when I am alone.
It is still true, and that is why I am and always will be an introvert at heart. But I can act plenty extroverted, especially when I am at my most comfortable.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
According to the Myers-Briggs I'm an "extrovert" with a score of 1. I'm energized by social situations and energized by being alone.
Actually, my highest score in any category of the Myers-Briggs was a 9. I wonder what that says about me.
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
I'm not nearly as intimidated by people in person as I used to be. As I've gotten to know myself better I've gotten more comfortable around other people, but I still hate making phone calls and sending emails.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I think I was an introvert with a score of 1. (If I am remembering the scale correctly. It was barely on one side of the center. I think it was on the introvert side, but it might possibly even have been on the extrovert side . . . it was that close.)
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I'm incredibly and painfully shy.
I'm better on line because it's safer.. it's easy for people to ignore me if they don't want to talk to me.
In meatspace it's different. It's horrible... Especially at parties... Why would anyone want to talk to me? If I open my mouth I'll just make a fool of myself. I'll just sit here quietly and let someone talk to me. Oh look, it's getting late, I guess I should go home.
Before I met my hubby I just kinda assumed I would be alone forever.
Pix
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
quote:Originally posted by Icarus: I think I was an introvert with a score of 1. (If I am remembering the scale correctly. It was barely on one side of the center. I think it was on the introvert side, but it might possibly even have been on the extrovert side . . . it was that close.)
That makes me feel so much better. Whenever I think about my scores on that test it makes me feel like I'm not really a defined person.
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