Background for those who don't know: I'm a 22 y/o straight asian male. WARNING also: PG-13 ahead.
I was walking home last night when a middle-aged asian guy in a 98 BMW 325i pulled up next to me with his window down. I glanced over and he said "Hello!" I paused, gave him an uneasy "...hello" back, then kept walking.
I turned a corner and he pulled up again, this time moving slowly next to me. "Are you heading home?" I pause again. "Uh...yeah." Time to start walking faster.
I cross the street and he says something that I miss. As I hit the intersection (where I need to turn left to be on the street my apt. is on), the guy circles the roundabout and stops the car, and says loud enough for me to hear "I'll give you $200 to let me suck your dick."
I stop in my tracks. "...WHAT?"
"I'll give you $200 if you let me give you head."
"...not interested, buddy."
I fled home. I took a shower. I honestly don't think I've ever felt so disgusting before.
Edit to add: I can't stop wondering if there's something about the way I act or appear that suggests says "I'm a gay whore, pick me up!" I was dressed normally, acting normally, just walking the five blocks between my friend's apt and my own.
Edited to note that I'm also straight.
[ July 27, 2006, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Demonstrocity ]
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
If an attractive woman had given the same offer, what would have been your response? If it would have been the same, would you have been tempted?
(You know, I wonder if this line of hypothetical is going to go beyond Papa Moose's comfort zone. I'll have to tread carefully.)
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by Xavier: If an attractive woman had given the same offer, what would have been your response? If it would have been the same, would you have been tempted?
(You know, I wonder if this line of hypothetical is going to go beyond Papa Moose's comfort zone. I'll have to tread carefully.)
To be perfectly honest, I don't think it would have been the same. Still disgusted, but not quite the same level of revulsion.
I'm not sure why. I've been hit on by gay men many times in the past, and it's never bothered me. I think it was the combination of this guy's age, his soliciting manner, his assumption that I'm a whore (or a college kid desperate for cash), and the specific act he was asking for (not just oral sex, but to be the giver in the equation). Also, given that he probably has some money (BMW, offering me 200 bucks), I can't imagine why he's resorted to soliciting people on the street unless this is something that he's hiding from, say, his wife and kids.
Edit to add: the attractiveness of the person in question may make a difference, too. This guy was definitely unattractive, even by gay middle aged man standards. Then again, I'm not sure it would make a BETTER difference: if the person is really attractive, I'd be more inclined to wonder what the hell is wrong with them that they've resorted to soliciting sex on the street as opposed to obtaining it legitimately.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
I'm not sure that he thought you were a whore. Typically, and I'm not terribly positive about this, the whore would be the one doing the... uh... gift giving. He wanted to... uh... pleasure you, so he wouldn't have been looking for a prostitute, but a regular guy that would be interested in having... uh... a good time.
So don't' fret. You don't look like a whore. You look like someone who wants to... uh... get his salami sauteed. And really, is he wrong?
OK, don't answer that, I don't want to know.
Edit: hmmm, do you think the salami comment went to far? If so, I don't mind changing it.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Regardless of the cirsumstances, being spoken to like that sounds traumatizing. People can be so...ugh.
Posted by cheiros do ender (Member # 8849) on :
Lol, salami.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
People suck.
Okay, well, not Demonstrocity.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
>_>
<_<
What?! Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
*snort*
Posted by narrativium (Member # 3230) on :
*gives myr a tissue*
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
Icky, you crack me up!
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I really sorry this happened to you. I think every nearly every woman understands what its like to be treaty that way and exactly why you felt the way you did. I think its rather insulting to suggest that you would have responded differently or even been tempted to respond differently if the solicitor had been an attractive woman.
Posted by xnera (Member # 187) on :
What Rabbit said. *hugs*
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Honestly, Rabbit, I think most men would be tempted to respond differently if the solicitor were an attractive woman.
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Honestly, Rabbit, I think most men would be tempted to respond differently if the solicitor were an attractive woman.
Most men are also complete imbeciles.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
That's terrible. There's a huge creepiness factor there, especially with him being in the car and you walking...if he became threatening you were on foot while he had the capability to run you down.
:shudder: I'm really sorry it happened to you.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:Most men are also complete imbeciles
It's true. Having a healthy sex drive and being attracted to certain types of people directly correlates with intelligence. Man, what idiots guys are, being attracted to physically attractive women and not being totally aversive to the idea of receiving sexual "gifts" from them. Yeah, any guy that has ever been enticed by the idea of a bj from an attractive stranger is a fool.
Also: Demonstrocity, in no way is either of my posts meant to diminish the disturbity of what you experienced. I definitely agree that a Crying Game shower is deserved afterwards.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by Demonstrocity:
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Honestly, Rabbit, I think most men would be tempted to respond differently if the solicitor were an attractive woman.
Most men are also complete imbeciles.
It would be nice if all men were ONLY imbeciles.
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by Belle: That's terrible. There's a huge creepiness factor there, especially with him being in the car and you walking...if he became threatening you were on foot while he had the capability to run you down.
:shudder: I'm really sorry it happened to you.
I hadn't even thought about that. I think I was too busy being squicked out by the fact that we were less than 200 feet from my front door.
quote:It's true. Having a healthy sex drive and being attracted to certain types of people directly correlates with intelligence. Man, what idiots guys are, being attracted to physically attractive women and not being totally aversive to the idea of receiving sexual "gifts" from them. Yeah, any guy that has ever been enticed by the idea of a bj from an attractive stranger is a fool.
As you're demonstrating, most men apparently don't think beyond "Oh, wow, she'll give me head, AND she'll pay me?!" Nevermind that you have no idea what mental condition this person is in, nor do you know what STDs and other transmittable diseases they have, nor do you stop and wonder if it's a setup.
Nope, just "I'm horny, this woman is hot, orgasms incoming!" I'm guilty of it, too, as I pointed out in my reply to Xavier. But it's not a smart or safe way to think.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
Ok, I guess I was confused. I thought we were talking about being "tempted to respond differently," not jumping in the car and pulling down the pants. I don't think there is anything wrong with being tempted to respond differently, nor do I think that it is any indication of intelligence.
I fully agree that acting on that temptation and getting in the car and engaging in any type of sexual conference with a stranger, attractive or not, for money or not, is a bad idea and should definitely be avoided.
You are correct, I did demonstrate that IMO most men would think that first, if they were attracted to the woman. But I also think that most men would then think, "Wait a minute, hold on. Don't act too rashly little guy, this may turn out very bad for you and me in the long run. Lets keep walking."
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: Ok, I guess I was confused. I thought we were talking about being "tempted to respond differently," not jumping in the car and pulling down the pants. I don't think there is anything wrong with being tempted to respond differently, nor do I think that it is any indication of intelligence.
I fully agree that acting on that temptation and getting in the car and engaging in any type of sexual conference with a stranger, attractive or not, for money or not, is a bad idea and should definitely be avoided.
You are correct, I did demonstrate that IMO most men would think that first, if they were attracted to the woman. But I also think that most men would then think, "Wait a minute, hold on. Don't act too rashly little guy, this may turn out very bad for you and me in the long run. Lets keep walking."
That I can agree with. My first reaction if a beautiful woman in a BMW pulled up and offered me sexual favors AND to pay me would probably be, "Wait, really?" followed about a second later by "get the holy rotten hell away from me."
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
quote: I think its rather insulting to suggest that you would have responded differently or even been tempted to respond differently if the solicitor had been an attractive woman.
Did I suggest any such thing?
When someone makes a leap like that it can really annoy me.
I asked because I was curious.
As Tom mentioned, a lot of guys WOULD be tempted, myself included (assuming I was not in any relationship at the time).
I would most almost certainly say no, because of the risk of STDs and the very real possibility that the woman is bonkers, and I wouldn't want to be in such a vulnerable situation with a woman who may be bonkers.
I would still be tempted, if only briefly, and I was curious as to whether others would say the same.
Edit: removed some harsh language
[ July 27, 2006, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: Xavier ]
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
You bastard.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I'm sorry this happened to you, Demonstrocity.
And glad you "fled home". I've been reading in the news that there have been lots of bizarre and random murders in your area (your profile says you're in Seattle)
FG
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by Farmgirl: I'm sorry this happened to you, Demonstrocity.
And glad you "fled home". I've been reading in the news that there have been lots of bizarre and random murders in your area (your profile says you're in Seattle)
FG
Yeah, although thankfully not in my particular neighborhood - it's more just generalized weirdness around here, as opposed to outright insanity in, say, Capitol Hill (link).
I appreciate everyone's sympathy, and/or humor. I didn't think this would freak me out as much as it did.
Posted by Angiomorphism (Member # 8184) on :
Is it at all possible that this guy was joking? Just trying to play a prank on you or film a new reality prank show?
It just seems so unlikely that someone would do that and expect a positive outcome.
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by Angiomorphism: Is it at all possible that this guy was joking? Just trying to play a prank on you or film a new reality prank show?
It just seems so unlikely that someone would do that and expect a positive outcome.
Judging from the weirdness I've seen in and around Seattle (heck, just look at the casual encounters and/or erotic services section of Seattle [or SF]'s craigslist), I'd say he was probably completely serious.
Posted by Angiomorphism (Member # 8184) on :
I live in Toronto, and it's no candyland, but I've never heard of anything like this happening to a guy friend of mine. Just seems so non-sensical
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
You greatly underestimate what some people are willing to do for $200. I have no doubt he has probably tried this (successfully) before. How sad.
Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
quote: How sad.
For who? The guy who had to pay, or the guy who made $200?
Posted by Angiomorphism (Member # 8184) on :
See I think that 200$ is a little low.. But that leads me to my next question:
How much would he had had to offer for you to do it? This goes for everyone.
I'll start (and for reference I'm a 21yr old straight male who believes that almost everyone has a price), I'd say he'd have to get to at least 2 million before I'd consider it, and there would have to be a condom involved. I mean think of all the good you could do with that money.. Just a thought.
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by Angiomorphism: See I think that 200$ is a little low.. But that leads me to my next question:
How much would he had had to offer for you to do it? This goes for everyone.
I'll start (and for reference I'm a 21yr old straight male who believes that almost everyone has a price), I'd say he'd have to get to at least 2 million before I'd consider it, and there would have to be a condom involved. I mean think of all the good you could do with that money.. Just a thought.
My opinion might differ on another day, but as of right now, there really is no amount of money that I would do it for.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
I just don't see it. No amount of money? 2 mill? Man, maybe I'm cheap, but to let someone else [edit]do stuff[/edit], it wouldn't be more than 500k. I would start high of course, maybe at 10mil, but my low ball would probably closer to 250k or so. Enough to where if I invested very wisely I wouldn't have to work a day in my life. I think that would be worth getting [edit]stuff[/edit] from a stranger.
Of course there would have to be stipulations protecting me from violence and such.
Edited to take out anything that might be offensive.
[ July 27, 2006, 03:27 PM: Message edited by: vonk ]
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
Same situation, though slightly different, has happened to me. :/
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
yeah - stipulations, vonk. I was going to say in a situation like that, you never know if this total stranger is actually going to do what he says -- or if he's rather cut your head off....
..not worth any $$$ of risk
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I can sense a comment from Papa Janitor coming...
The conversation has largely gone where I thought it would go, and so I feel obligated to point out that while nothing specific that has been posted is necessarily out of line, Mike tends to get pretty uncomfortable when these types of discussions take place here.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Mike?
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: I just don't see it. No amount of money? 2 mill? Man, maybe I'm cheap, but to let someone else go down on me, it wouldn't be more than 500k. I would start high of course, maybe at 10mil, but my low ball would probably closer to 250k or so. Enough to where if I invested very wisely I wouldn't have to work a day in my life. I think that would be worth getting head from a stranger.
Of course there would have to be stipulations protecting me from violence and such.
The problem being: those stipulations can't really exist, unless you set up an unrealistically artificial situation (which makes the hypothetical pointless).
In order to properly address the issue, I think you need to assume that you cannot guarantee anything about the person, including what diseases they may have or their mental condition.
Posted by Angiomorphism (Member # 8184) on :
My bad, I meant my comment to be humorous, not offensive.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
Possibly Papa Jones
Posted by Angiomorphism (Member # 8184) on :
quote:Originally posted by Demonstrocity:
quote:Originally posted by vonk: I just don't see it. No amount of money? 2 mill? Man, maybe I'm cheap, but to let someone else go down on me, it wouldn't be more than 500k. I would start high of course, maybe at 10mil, but my low ball would probably closer to 250k or so. Enough to where if I invested very wisely I wouldn't have to work a day in my life. I think that would be worth getting head from a stranger.
Of course there would have to be stipulations protecting me from violence and such.
The problem being: those stipulations can't really exist, unless you set up an unrealistically artificial situation (which makes the hypothetical pointless).
In order to properly address the issue, I think you need to assume that you cannot guarantee anything about the person, including what diseases they may have or their mental condition.
But surely there is an ammount of money high enough where even those risks are assuaged, with some careful security on your side (like a weapon and protection down there).
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Sorry, Papa - if I in any way furthered a conversation that shouldn't have happened.
Posted by Demonstrocity (Member # 9579) on :
In the interest of not having the thread locked down, I'm not pursuing the hypothetical further.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
quote:Sorry, Papa - if I in any way furthered a conversation that shouldn't have happened.
I wouldn't apologize prematurely, after all, it was just my guess that he would be uncomfortable .
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Well, in a way I can see a "positive" spin to this thread.
Girls get propositioned. Boys get propositioned. It happens all the time.
Maybe some of the younger folk reading this will learn that it is a possibility in this world and to consider in advance how they would react if it happened to them, so as to not get caught off-guard.
I will admit the first time a male made an unwanted move toward me when I was a teen girl, I was pretty stupid and naive'.
FG
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Me and my friends, ironically enough, just had a conversation about how much money it would take to do certain things. Now, mind you, our talk was much less ... raunchy (did I use that word right?). The farthest we got was "How much would it take for you to kiss a gay hairy dwarf?" (no offense to any gay hairy dwarves out there). I said minimum $500.
On topic (the original one), just hearing about that experience makes me feel all slimey.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
That kinda reminds me of my 11th grade American History teacher. He was in Thailand and some guy came up to him and said, "You want girl, X$" my teacher politely declined and the man after just a few moments tapped him on the shoulder and said, "We got man too! Y$" my teacher again declined and the man was quite confused but 10 minutes later he found my teacher again and the man had a 10 year old boy in tow, "How about boy? Z$"
The child sex market in Thailand is a very sad thing.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
I've been "propositioned" twice in my life. Once when I was sixteen by an old man (he ruined my highest score in Pac-Man, that bastard), once when I was thirty-three by what looked like a college student from inside a car (no, I didn't have a Coke at the time).
I use the term "propositioned" in quotes because I was never actually offered money. What, I'm not worth anything to you people?!? How dare you!!!
They're the kind of things you read about and don't believe until it happens to you.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Ugh, it really is very disturbing. I've been given similar propositions; what made it creepier is that I was 16 at the time, and it wasn't like I was in a part of town that would be likely. Just walking the park, book in hand, and . . . ugh. I rushed to a public place after.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
After refusing quite loudly, I mean.
Obviously.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
That is creepy, and scary.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Joldo
This past week as I was about to enter a freeway restroom some guy ran in front of me pushed his way in the door and was writing something on the restroom wall as I walked into the private stall. I read what he wrote on my way out and it said (edited)
Need a BJ, go outside to the phone booth and rub your stomach if interested
I am not sure if he was asking for one or giving one, I suppose it doesnt matter.
I didnt run back to my car, but I was happy to get out of there.
The only other experience I had that was remotely similar was while I was a missionary.
I knocked on a door and this VERY good looking Chinese girl answered the door in her underwear (which is a strange thing for a conservative place like Taiwan) I just shrugged off her appearence and explained what were were doing. She invited us in and I asked if her parents were at home (a standard question for a missionary since we wont go into a house if there are no adult males at home (assuming you are a male missionary)).
The girl took my question completely the wrong way and after giving me a mischeivous grin said "They wont be home until tomorrow, hurry and get in here!"
I dont know what it was but while I was a missionary I got asked out on dates much more often then when I was available for dating.
Edit: Obviously I turned the girls offer down.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Shall we skip the "obviouslys" and just assume unless said otherwise that all of us turned down these offers?
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
*raises eyebrows* Chris? Come on, you're a big time columnist. We have faith in you to act with dignity and class at all times.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
I've been propositioned, but never offered money. Which I very much doubt would have made a difference in the answer.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
So what is it then, about being in a bar and being propositioned for a one night stand that is different from it happening on a street or from a car or what not?
Is it that, since you went to the bar, you're obviously open to the idea? Because I know plenty of non-single girls that go to bars all the time and still seem offended when they are asked out or when guys try to pick them up.
I don't think it's a cut and dry situation, especially when a change of venue makes it socially acceptable.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lyrhawn: So what is it then, about being in a bar and being propositioned for a one night stand that is different from it happening on a street or from a car or what not?
Is it that, since you went to the bar, you're obviously open to the idea? Because I know plenty of non-single girls that go to bars all the time and still seem offended when they are asked out or when guys try to pick them up.
I don't think it's a cut and dry situation, especially when a change of venue makes it socially acceptable.
Lyrhawn, I think it's the approach. And to be honest, I'm a non-single girl, and I'm generally not offended when guys try to pick me up in bars so long as they're halfway decent about it. If they're obnoxious, then it offends me. I pretty much am offended just the same as I would be when I was single.
-pH
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Honestly, Rabbit, I think most men would be tempted to respond differently if the solicitor were an attractive woman.
Not really.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I didn't say "Kwea." I said "most men." Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I think temptation is automatic, and not necessarily controlled in this situation. I also think the temptation matters less than your actual answer.
I also think, that calling all men "imbeciles" and whatever else they've been called in this thread goes to show that anti-male stereotypes are far too acceptable in this culture. Blanket negative stereotypes on men are fun, and acceptable, and invite ZERO chance of reprisal. If there was a thread about how some guy got dumped by a girl, and I went in and said all girls were bitches, I'd be dogpiled, but flip that around and have someone say "all men are pigs" and you'd probably get a chorus of approvals. It's ridiculous and offensive, and I wonder when and if it'll ever change.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
I do not believe temptation is necessarily automatic in that situation. I believe such a thing can be 'trained out' so to speak.
But it's very, very, very difficult. I certainly have not done so, nor do I personally know anyone who has. What can be trained out much more easily is the temptation to act on it, rather than, say, imagining acting on it or at least considering imagining such a thing.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Ah. I'd agree to that. I'd say that in that situation I'd have zero temptation to actually act on it, but I might have some imaginary thoughts about acting on it.
I can imagine quite a few won't see the distinction though.
Posted by B34N (Member # 9597) on :
quote:Originally posted by Demonstrocity: Background for those who don't know: I'm a 22 y/o straight asian male. WARNING also: PG-13 ahead.
I was walking home last night when a middle-aged asian guy in a 98 BMW 325i pulled up next to me with his window down. I glanced over and he said "Hello!" I paused, gave him an uneasy "...hello" back, then kept walking.
I turned a corner and he pulled up again, this time moving slowly next to me. "Are you heading home?" I pause again. "Uh...yeah." Time to start walking faster.
I cross the street and he says something that I miss. As I hit the intersection (where I need to turn left to be on the street my apt. is on), the guy circles the roundabout and stops the car, and says loud enough for me to hear "I'll give you $200 to let me suck your dick."
I stop in my tracks. "...WHAT?"
"I'll give you $200 if you let me give you head."
"...not interested, buddy."
I fled home. I took a shower. I honestly don't think I've ever felt so disgusting before.
Edit to add: I can't stop wondering if there's something about the way I act or appear that suggests says "I'm a gay whore, pick me up!" I was dressed normally, acting normally, just walking the five blocks between my friend's apt and my own.
Edited to note that I'm also straight.
Straight, gay, purple or green that is really kind of creepy. Someone paying you to "supposedly" pleasure you. Really wierd? Well they come in all shapes and styles I guess. Sorry that happened to you.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I think offense is, for most people, based on expectation, attractiveness, and delivery.
If you're caught off guard, if the person isn't attractive to you, or if you're made uncomfortable, you take offense.
If you're somewhere that intimacy of that sort is expected, a party or bar, if the other person is really attractive to you, and if they're smooth about it, the same situation is completely different.
If a stranger drives up and asks you for sex, you want to run like hell. If you're at a party and the hottie you've been checking out all night comes over and hits on you, SCORE!
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Personal ethics tend to become hazy in the presence of six+ digit monetary figures.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
An old roommate used to say most people have the ethics they can afford. I've found that to be very true.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
There's a huge creepiness factor there, especially with him being in the car and you walking...if he became threatening you were on foot while he had the capability to run you down. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
.
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Joldo![[Confused]](confused.gif)