Parents called the police on me today, they say they don't want me to leave, but they're actions are leaving me with fewer options. They're answer to everything is threating me with a variety of threats, police, kicking out of the house, physical violence, and disconnecting the internet when it is 99% relient for me to success at my studies.
I'm definately going to have to leave on my own terms before I'm left hanging out to dry with my stuff on some sidewalk in the middle of nowhere (which they have threatened before) with no life or hope left to pursue.
I'm talking with one of my friends now this wensday Ill go to his house to talk with his parents, offer room and board and to do chores around the house and extra stuff that they may require, everyone says I'm a good kid but somehow I always draw the short straw.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Dang... That sucks. Good luck to you. It's good to be on yourown, but not easy.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
That was a fast response.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
It appears to me that they just want you to get out and live your own life. I would be willing to bet that they are just worried about you. You can't live with your parents forever. Not being around, I can't really speak regarding the circumstances.
Finding a new place to live is obviously going to be a priority right now. However, I don't think you should necessarily view this as just a negative thing.
You're out of the house. You've got a little bit more freedom. Take some time to find yourself and explore the outside world a little. Don't use the internet for awhile and expierence some fresh air.
Go to an art museum.
I think you should view this more as a new opportunity rather than a new problem.
Edit:
Good luck too! Posted by RackhamsRazor (Member # 5254) on :
The obvious question, Blayne, would be what did you do to warrant calling the police? Obviously you had to do something, or else they had to make something up.
If you are up to something that merits police intervention, perhaps it is time for your parents to put you out of the house, on their terms and not yours.
--ApostleRadio on my girlfriend's name, so please direct all nasty criticisms regarding my lack of sympathy for Blayne my direction, and not hers. I am simply too lazy to switch names while I am on her computer.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Good luck, Blayne.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Seconded. I hope things work out well for you soon.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Blayne, while I'm glad you've realized you need to move, you seem to be saying you're planning on moving from your parent's basement to your friend's parent's basement. I hope you are planning this as an extremely temporary, stopgap measure.
If your parent's don't like the noise you make playing video games at night, how do you think these people are going to feel? Even doing chores, you are going to have to act as a guest in their home, and as the saying goes fish and guests start to stink in three days. You need to get a job that you can support yourself on and find a roommate situation where you are paying a fair rent and supporting yourself. Your life is not going to get better until you do so.
Good luck.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
What Eljay says. Good luck, Blayne. Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:Your life is not going to get better until you do so.
I wouldn't go so far as this. "Better" is pretty subjective.
However, getting and holding a job to support oneself IS kind of a good thing to do.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: everyone says I'm a good kid
You're not a kid Blayne. Good luck on moving out, but you need to realize that you are in fact, an adult.
I hope you land on your feet. Believe it or not, I get excited when I see you have started a thread, hoping each time that when I click on it you will be announcing that you HAVE moved out on your own. Sadly, that post hasn't been made yet.
Posted by Javert Hugo (Member # 3980) on :
Third what ElJay says.
You don't need to borrow your friend's parents. Get your own place - you're not a kid.
Posted by Launchywiggin (Member # 9116) on :
To add another perspective...do a 180--be more submissive to your parents, becoming a huge help rather than a burden. Show them that you can be an adult at home, and when the time comes to move out on your own, you have monetary help. This was the route I took, and I've got a car and a computer for my trouble.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
quote:You need to get a job that you can support yourself on and find a roommate situation where you are paying a fair rent and supporting yourself. Your life is not going to get better until you do so.
Judging from your posts on the topic, Blayne, the most important part of this very excellent advice is that every time you think, say, or hint at this being too hard or impossible to remember that the truth is, it's not impossible, and it can't be that hard or else billions of people wouldn't do it all the time.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
I have three questions:
1. What did you do to cause your parents to call the police? I get the feeling we are only hearing part of the story.
2. Why is disconnecting the internet such a big threat? People were successful at studying long before the internet existed. If you really think you are that reliant on it, I'd suggest picking four days and trying to go without any internet at all for those four days - just to see how it would go.
3. If you suddenly inherited 50 million dollars, and could live on your own doing anything you want, what would you spend your time doing? Would it make you happy?
Having asked all that, my advice is pretty simple: If you don't like how things are, change something. Something significant. I don't think it has to be any particular given thing, but it has to be something. And if it doesn't work, change something else - eventually things will work out.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Disconnecting the internet is a big threat because Blayne is addicted to it. 'Studying' is nothing but a hollow excuse.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
and you made an asine statement based nothing but your perception.
Web programming: requires the schools linux server Oracle: Requires the schools oracle server telecom: requires the linux server Unix Networking, requires the linux box at school. User Interfacing: requires email for backuping projects and emailing my work back to myself.
I only play games about an hour or two a day. I spend most of the time spent at home working on homework.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
ifi got 50 million dollars I would get an apartment within bus ride to school, put it all in a savings account, convert half ofit to gold and make strategic investments, once i graduated ild start up a buseness developing games and software.
they called the police because they felt I was acting crazy and suicidal.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
<nevermind, you answered me while I was posting>
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
quote: I only play games about an hour or two a day. I spend most of the time spent at home working on homework.
Why not use the computer lab to do the programming you mentioned above? My first two years of undergraduate coursework in computer science, I did absolutely none of it at home. I probably spent 20+ hours a week there.
You may make some real-life friends in the computer lab, like I did.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
about 2/3 of the time spent in class is elcturing (this semester) i have very little time to do the work much less catchup on the work im currently lagging behind.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: they called the police because they felt I was acting crazy and suicidal.
What were you doing that they interpreted in that way?
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: about 2/3 of the time spent in class is elcturing (this semester) i have very little time to do the work much less catchup on the work im currently lagging behind.
It might help if you cut that hour or two a day of gaming out of your schedule.
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Blayne
Who said anything about doing it during classes? Do it on campus, at the computer center, instead of at home.
Most of the computer programers I knew practically lived in the computer lab.
msquared
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
my classes are form 8:30 to 5:30 with about a 1 hour break for lunch.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
quote:everyone says I'm a good kid but somehow I always draw the short straw.
My advice would be to ditch the self-pitying and the "woe is me, life is unfair and bad things only happen to me" attitude. It never actually solves anything and usually ends up only making existing problems last longer. Once you fall into the downward spiral of despair, it becomes too easy to blame everything else instead of actually motivating yourself to change something that you do have control over.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: my classes are form 8:30 to 5:30 with about a 1 hour break for lunch.
Why does this preclude using the lab? Most campus labs I've been to are open until at least 10.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
quote:Ill go to his house to talk with his parents, offer room and board and to do chores around the house and extra stuff that they may require
Have you offered any of these things to the people whose house you are currently living in, your parents?
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
quote:Why does this preclude using the lab? Most campus labs I've been to are open until at least 10.
And on weekends. If you don't spend at least 8 hours in the computer lab on a given weekend, you are the exception as a computer science student.
Edit: Though I don't know why I am even bothering to be in this discussion. Blayne will respond with some other excuse for why he can't do this. If there is one constant in Blayne's mind, it's that nothing is ever his fault.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
I dont have a means of transportation to get from home to school, if I stay to 10 PM how do I freaking get home!? Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
I've decided to stay out of any discussion with the originator of this thread. As such, this is making for good popcorn fodder. I should probably read this thread with some old-timey soap opera music in the background.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: I dont have a means of transportation to get from home to school, if I stay to 10 PM how do I freaking get home!?
I biked to work and school for several months before I finally got a car.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
i can't bike to school with my laptop and its a good 2.5 hours away by bike.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Of course you can bike with your laptop, but yes, 2.5 hours is a bit much.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
Carpool. Save up money to buy a horrible car that nonetheless runs. Or barring that, ride your dang bike.
You are not in a position to flinch at these sorts of problems. And yes, you can bike to school with your laptop.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
If you're doing your work at the school's computer labs, you don't need to take your laptop.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
no one lives near where I live, I do infact need my laptop for school work, and nor would I be allowed to bike to school because my mom doesn't want me wrecking her bike somehow by hitting a stop sign.
Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :
You've decided it's time to move out... so move, or don't. Either way, your problem is not insurmountable.
With regards to labs--both weekends, and an hour or two after class both seem like viable options. Some of your work presumably can be done offline, too--that can wait till you're at home.
Anyway, you're not in a dire situation (so long as you're not actually suicidal). Find a solution, and commit to it. No one wants to hear excuses.
And best of luck.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
quote:no one lives near where I live, I do infact need my laptop for school work, and nor would I be allowed to bike to school because my mom doesn't want me wrecking her bike somehow by hitting a stop sign.
So buy your own bike. They're not prohibitively expensive, again especially if you have an eye to utility rather than aesthetics or newness.
So let's say then that literally no one lives near you, not just near you and goes to that college. Ask a neighbor. Offer to chip in for gas. Or barring that, look around for people who go to that school between your home and campus, and that might make the trip much shorter.
You've got serious, real-world problems. Your objections make it clear you'd rather complain about them and solicit sympathy than actually tackle them.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
I'll be doing 3 things.
Negotiating with my friend's parents. Getting a programming job (there are 4 or so availiable part time.) and getting a student loan and burseries.
That is it that is all, livng at my firnds would put me closer to school, closer to anglophone jobs.
Offering a similar offer to my parents wont work because they make it clear they don't want me living there, I'm insulted daily and my work and contributions disrespected and blamed for everything that goes wrong with no effort to ask my to fix anything. Enough is enough.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
As always, every single one of your problems is directly under your control. But you'd rather whine about them and make excuses than to act like the grown up you keep claiming to be.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
hasn't everyones advice been "move out and hopefully things will improve" for the last 3 of my family related threads? I am not whining about anything, I am stating what is fact.
1) I lack the means to get to school, spending 2-3 hours biking is implausible.
2) I require internet access always for my homework, you have no right to say otherwise it is not you who is doing my work.
My problems are 100% family related, they cannot be fixed at this time, there is no way to fix them, even when I do do things right I am still criticized, I am still verbally assaulted, I sat down once did absolutely nothing and my dad walks up to me saying what a effing fat ass I am and how he can't believe that someone my age is this fat etc.
Our career choises are insulted, our choices desrespected in every way, and our hobbies discarded as trivial, this is not something I can fix except by sacrificing my own personal gains as a person. I can't handle this, there's no way to fix this except by making distance.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Actually, I'm all for Blayne getting out of his house and taking out loans to pay for things. But I think he should consider emergency student housing, which is often available.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Actually, I'm all for Blayne getting out of his house and taking out loans to pay for things. But I think he should consider emergency student housing, which is often available.
I'm asuming you mean student loans, yes?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Yes.
Posted by Bokonon (Member # 480) on :
Blayne, talk to your school, there are ways (like what Tom said) to go about this without just flopping at someone else's place.
-Bok
Posted by The Flying Dracula Hair (Member # 10155) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: 1) I lack the means to get to school, spending 2-3 hours biking is implausible.
?
Posted by Reshpeckobiggle (Member # 8947) on :
If you are so overweight that your dad just randomly calls you fat (sounds like a jerk), then 2-3 hours of riding your bike everyday might be exactly what you need.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
quote: If you are so overweight that your dad just randomly calls you fat (sounds like a jerk), then 2-3 hours of riding your bike everyday might be exactly what you need.
Too harsh.
Posted by scholar (Member # 9232) on :
How many miles are you talking about?
Posted by RyanINPnet (Member # 8363) on :
quote:Originally posted by scholar: How many miles are you talking about?
Well, from Blayne's address (provided in another thread, here ) to his school (provided on his "website"), it would be 24.6062 miles (39.6km).
edit: Which, I think, is fairly far away…I would not bike it.
[ November 06, 2007, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: RyanINPnet ]
Posted by TheGrimace (Member # 9178) on :
<deleted cause someone beat me to the punch>
[ November 06, 2007, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: TheGrimace ]
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Folks, please stop attacking him... Who the heck has answers when they are whatever age he is...?
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
I think lots of people do.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
I think lots of people think they do.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by RyanINPnet: it would be 24.6062 miles (39.6km).
Is that in a straight line, or accommodating for a safe biking route?
Posted by Tara (Member # 10030) on :
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: I think lots of people think they do.
Lots of people have answers they can work from, even if they're not the best ones.
To me, Blayne's problem seems to be that he doesn't take responsibility for his own life. If you have a certain place you want to be in life, you have to dedicate your entire self to getting there, without assuming you'll get any help from anyone else. That's how you get places. My guess would be that Blayne has never exercised this in his life, which may or may not be his own fault. It may simply be bad parenting or education (which, to me, seems likely). HOWEVER, Blayne must now fight for himself, and take all the blame for his own problems on himself. Until he does this, I don't think he IS an adult...
Posted by Tara (Member # 10030) on :
P.S. Blayne, there are many people in this world who face situations much harder than yours, with much less going for them, and they simply put their heads down and deal with their problems without complaint. Just try and see if you can be one of those people.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
How do you get home from school now? (I tried to read the whole thread, if this was already mentioned someone tell me).
Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
You can get a car that'll get you to school and back for under $1000 US, and under $500 if you go with a motorcycle or scooter.
Bicycling that distance is not completely out of the question - you could do it in under 2 hours each way if you are not in awful shape.
Is there no public transportation for even part of that distance?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Again, let me suggest emergency student housing. It'll almost always be on campus, or else near public transportation.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Yes listen to Tom, that certainly would be better than a friends basement.
Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
A former tenant told one of his friends said friend could sleep in his car outside my house.
I was uninformed of this until I noticed the police parked outside my house a few days later.
Yeah. Lots of things are better than crashing at someone's place.
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
This is really in your control Blayne - you're blocking yourself with all your negativity. You just need to suck it up and do what's necessary.
There's always cheap housing within decent proximity to university. You're in a better position than I was in Uni - I lived 130kms from my parents, about 16kms from Uni and had to teach singing and work the checkouts at K-Mart to get by as I had no financial support.
The attitude you're showing now won't get you anywhere useful.
Posted by Reshpeckobiggle (Member # 8947) on :
quote:Originally posted by Phanto:
quote: If you are so overweight that your dad just randomly calls you fat (sounds like a jerk), then 2-3 hours of riding your bike everyday might be exactly what you need.
Too harsh.
Was it? I didn't mean it that way. Healthy exercise doesn't just help your body, it helps the mind and the spirit. If Blayne is looking for an overall improvement in his life, I would wager that this one thing might do just that.
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
I think it's pretty short-sighted to suggest that Blayne ride his bike to school.
It's Canada. I hear it gets a little nippy during the winter months, eh?
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
He could always mush dogs.
All kidding aside... Blayne, I think you should look into the emergency housing. I also think getting out there on your own will do you good. Is relationship you have with your parents right now is volatile. Getting out on your own, even with the stress of the full financial burden being on you, has got to be better than the situation you are in now.
Good luck.
Posted by Reshpeckobiggle (Member # 8947) on :
Let me add; I was in what appeared to me to be a truly hopeless situation when I was 19, and I went so far as to join the army and took the MOS that offered a nearly immediate training start date so that I didn't have to wait around; I was on a plane to Fort Leonard Wood the next day. Six years later, my lot in life has improved drastically (I did not re-enlist.) However, I could have gotten here by much easier means if I had self-motivation from the beginning. The Army motivates you whether you want it or not, and you get run through the ringer in the meantime. I don't regret it, I'm just saying I learned a lot, and the hard way. Take from that what you may.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
" Blayne's problem seems to be that he doesn't take responsibility for his own life."
Agreed. If I were his father, I would have kicked him out of the house long ago, for his own good.
Edit: I visited my parents a couple weeks ago and we got into an interesting discussion about the modern way of rearing children causing the eventual downfall of society, because they aren't learning to be productive and independent members of society.
Posted by Reshpeckobiggle (Member # 8947) on :
quote:Originally posted by steven: I think it's pretty short-sighted to suggest that Blayne ride his bike to school.
It's Canada. I hear it gets a little nippy during the winter months, eh?
Canada? Holy crap, nevermind. I had it in my head he was in California for some reason.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
quote:Negotiating with my friend's parents. Getting a programming job (there are 4 or so availiable part time.) and getting a student loan and burseries.
Okay, this sounds like a set of goals. Now you need a plan of action. What's the first step to get that loan? What's the first step to get that programming job? What's the first step to negotiating with your friend's parents? I'd suggest figuring each of these out (maybe even write them down) and then begin taking each of those first steps - starting tommorrow.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
Its Canada, we even get a tad bit of snow in the summer and ride polar bears to work and all of us live in igloos.
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
"ride polar bears to work and all of us live in igloos."
You had me going until this. Posted by The Flying Dracula Hair (Member # 10155) on :
Its Canada, we even get a tad bit of snow in the summer and ride polar bears to work and all of us live in igloos.
That's awesome!
Posted by Sharpie (Member # 482) on :
I am surprised (again -- one would think I would stop being surprised) that people feel so free to jump on Blayne. Maybe part of it is that I know "kids"* like Blayne -- lots and lots of them. They sleep half the day and play games all night and argue about chores and eat hot pockets and easy mac. You know what? They turn out fine.
Blayne, you are going to be fine. I guarantee you that in 20 years you won't be living in your dad's basement complaining that he wants you to turn the video games down. Look at the advice people are giving. Take the advice that makes sense to you. Don't worry about arguing with the advice that doesn't. It's free -- you don't have to take it, but you don't have to throw it back, either.
Tom's ideas about housing are good. If you don't take them NOW, keep them in mind. Friends' parents can be as "clueless" as your own. I think you have a lot going for you. Look at your strengths. Use them.
*I know you are not a kid, but once a person gets to about 40, everybody seems like a kid.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
"Blayne, you are going to be fine. I guarantee you that in 20 years you won't be living in your dad's basement complaining that he wants you to turn the video games down."
My uncle is 47 and lives with my grandparents... evidently it is possible.
Posted by 0Megabyte (Member # 8624) on :
Well. Not likely, is the point.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
...and for the record, I've lived places cold enough - and north enough - that I've experienced snow in every single month of the year. And some of the biggest downfalls of the year were in May, breaking off a huge amount of trees all over the city (Edmonton - although that was not the furthest north I lived). So, yeah, snow throughout the year, yeah.
Posted by Eowyn-sama (Member # 11096) on :
quote: ride polar bears to work
There's your solution! Sounds like fun to me :-p
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
what school do you go to?
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
South Harmon Institute of Technology. Posted by Omega M. (Member # 7924) on :
There sure seems to be a lot of bile being spewed at Blayne in this thread. I take it this is part of a long-running saga?
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
*shrug* Not bile so much as exasperation. It's routine for Blayne to complain bitterly about his life situation, and then do nothing about it.
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
John Abbott CEGEP from his website. Are you a Quebec resident?
Residence is between $290 (shared room) to $331 (single). Renting a room is about $350-400. Dude that's -completely- doable even without student loans. You should be eligible for are the Quebec Student Loans and Bursaries program, or the Canada Student Loans. Apparently "Annie Proulx" in room H-151 is the person to contact about financial aid (a.proulx AT johnabbott.qc.ca). My suggestion is to send an email off to her and make an appointment. Go with -all- your information (SIN, taxes info, parent's info, etc.) and see what is available for you. Next apply to residence. The cost is very little and you'll live on campus. Next talk to your parents. Tell them that you're looking into options, show proof and tell them that you'll probably have a residence room by January. Perhaps they'll let you stay until the residence room opens up for you. If not, talk to your friends parents. You -can't- live at your friend's for an extended time. That's just silly to think it a possibility. I can pretty much promise you that that won't work out. And you might loose a friend to boot. Or your friend's parents might decide both of you should get out. Bad idea.
Assuming you are a Quebec resident that means you don't have the bonus of not having to pay tuition. So for a year that's ~$2000-4000 for rent, ~$1800-2500 for food, $200-800 for transportation (bus/subway) and $500 random personal stuff. So that's $4500-7800 to live. Minimum wage is $8.00 in Quebec and as a student taxes are next to nothing. If you lived on the cheap you could make enough by working ~16 hours a week being paid minimum wage. Saturday and two nights. That is very doable.
Oh and contact your student employment services people. If you're honestly having a problem finding an English speaking job in Montreal, you obviously don't know how to look for a job and/or apply for one. I know many people who have (and still do) work in Montreal that only speak English and have had no problems getting jobs. If you're too proud to apply for some jobs, you should get over it quickly. Being "too good" for something is sometimes not an option
I'd also start looking out at what universities you wish to apply to (assuming you want to continue on).
[ November 07, 2007, 05:21 PM: Message edited by: Jaiden ]
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
When you are a young adult that has been living in a dysfunctional family environment, it can be extremely difficult to find the resources to help yourself become more independent and secure.
Tom and Jaiden have both given extremely helpful advice, and I really hope you take it. Sometimes when you haven't done it on your own before the problems seem much more insurmountable, but you will get the hang of it.
I would also like to echo that living long term (over two weeks) with a friend's family is not really a healthy option, though leaving your own home might help you to function better in order to tackle the road ahead.
Don't be afraid to seek out those resources available to you, and to work hard and some crappy jobs. Working a less than thrilling job when you are 20-23 is way better than putting it off and then having to start from the beginning when you are 25 and less likely to get cut some slack.
I came from some pretty tough family and financial situations, and often played the "what I would do if I were rich" game. It was really hard for me to find my path because I had so many friends and acquaintances that were more privileged. It's a useless game to play, and with determination you can achieve independence despite your origins.
Seek out counseling at school if possible, to help you understand all your options, and also to help you if you are struggling with depression that is making even the smaller problems seem huge.
It may take some time and a lot of work, but you can do it Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:I require internet access always for my homework, you have no right to say otherwise it is not you who is doing my work.
Why?
You've explained that you'd rather do your work from home than at at school, but you haven't given any reason why you "require internet access always" for your homework.
Posted by Eowyn-sama (Member # 11096) on :
I can understand that if he has computer-based homework, internet might be required. (Heck, I'm an engineering student, and I'd say internet is 'required' for my homework because I need access to information, but it's not computer programming or anything like that) In which case, on-campus computer labs should be fine.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Oh sure, I'm sure that internet access is required.
The question is whether having internet access at home is really a requirement.
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
What about local Wi-Fi hotspots? Blayne, do you live within walking/biking distances of an internet-providing coffee house? What about a neighborhood library?
Posted by Sharpie (Member # 482) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Oh sure, I'm sure that internet access is required.
The question is whether having internet access at home is really a requirement.
But... he FEELS that it is. So why do we have to argue with him about it? He will find that it is or it isn't, won't he?
Speaking for myself, I would HATE to be unable to do homework in my own home. Could I if necessary? Sure. But it would be up to me to decide that the situation called for it.
The rest is NOT in response to the quoted bit :
I was a person who was trapped (I felt) in a bad situation. The solution was for me to: walk away. Easy, right? It took me years to actually do so, and I was a college graduate, a mother, a person who looked like I had it all together. It is VERY HARD to extricate one's self from some kinds of situations, and Blayne hasn't been an adult for long.
Let me tell you the kinds of things that helped me. People saying "you can do this, you are strong, you have what it takes." What does NOT help a person who feels helpless is someone telling them they have no ability to make decisions, that they have no ability to follow through, etc etc. It pushes them further into the mire.
And it's actually kind of sucky.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
You should really take the time to read some of Blayne's threads/posts before you chime in with bad advice.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:But... he FEELS that it is. So why do we have to argue with him about it? He will find that it is or it isn't, won't he?
Speaking for myself, I would HATE to be unable to do homework in my own home. Could I if necessary? Sure. But it would be up to me to decide that the situation called for it.
But in a situation like Blayne's where finances are tight, it would be irresponsible to just assume you need internet access at home and that sacrifices in that department could not be made. Doing all my homework at school would be very inconvenient, but if my finances did not allow me to pay for internet, I'd bite the bullet and do my homework at school.
Where I in Blayne's position, I would secure a student loan or pel grant for my tuition payments, work at least 5 hours a day in addition to attending classes. I know that I could make it here in Utah if I did those things, but I am not sure what rent, utilities, tuition are where Blayne goes to school. Nor what his work load is, only Blayne really knows.
I know that in my younger years however the idea of not having high speed internet was very bad in my mind, and I would have done almost anything to avoid that situation. Does not mean I was right to think it was so important.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: You should really take the time to read some of Blayne's threads/posts before you chime in with bad advice.
I totally get the exasperation with Blayne's repeated ignoring of advice. At the same time, though, I really think it's worth pointing out that a lot of the advice has gotten ludicrous, a lot of the comments are just plain offensive, and even if Blayne wanted to take a stab at it, at this point it's pretty difficult to sort out the useful advice from the posts in this thread that are just angry rehashings of what probably started as useful advice when it was first offered. Bike 2-3 hours each way in the snow, plus hold a part time job to pay for all his expenses while going to school full time, all starting from a basis of (presumably) no savings, but move out immediately? At this point, the "advice" genuinely starts looking insurmountable, even ludicrous.
It's also important to remember that just because something is theoretically possible doesn't make it possible for everyone. Blayne has, in the past, demonstrated practically zero responsibility and good judgement when it comes to his time management and other decisions. Many of you--perhaps even most of you--could follow this advice and succeed. For some of you--and I think this includes Blayne--it'd be a sink or swim situation, where "sink" means "dying slowly in the snowy gutters."
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
I am also monolingual so that limits available jobs.
However Matrox wants to hire me for my Stage come January so there's good news.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
Okay catching up on alot of posts:
I do not qualify for the oncampus residence because supposedly I live to close, spots are reserved for people living as far away as Shubugimo (northern quebec).
I am applying for a student loan, and I am making my cv ready for a job. There 'might' be a flat in town, but ild rather live with someone i know for 4 years transitionally then jump into a flat on my own without any experience.
Asf ro why I cant do my work at school, isn't it obvious? School is for school work and lectures, home is for homework, I have 6 courses a week mondays to thursdays 8:30-5:30 and theres no way to get home past 6 if I stay at school to work what am i gonna do sleep in the labs until the security guard finds me and tosses me into the street?
Posted by EmpSquared (Member # 10890) on :
Blayne,
Have you ever weighed the idea of working at the front of the house at a restaurant? I mean, there are tons of these threads so this may have already been suggested to you, but it's actually surprisingly easy feat to accomplish if you apply at a lower-end restaurant as a busser or a server.
Try somewhere like Applebee's, or Chili's, or a popular mexican food restaurant. Busy places with lower menu prices don't tend to be as choosy when it comes to experience and hiring, and some places might even be able to accommodate that school schedule of yours. It seems that if, say, you worked both weekend days and about two night shifts you could still go to school and make enough money to support yourself.
Of course, I don't know where you're at, so it might not be as feasible as an option. I just remember being in a situation like yours (but not nearly as dire), and a restaurant job really bailed me out when I needed to leave home quickly, but support myself at the same time.
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