posted
Parents called the police on me today, they say they don't want me to leave, but they're actions are leaving me with fewer options. They're answer to everything is threating me with a variety of threats, police, kicking out of the house, physical violence, and disconnecting the internet when it is 99% relient for me to success at my studies.
I'm definately going to have to leave on my own terms before I'm left hanging out to dry with my stuff on some sidewalk in the middle of nowhere (which they have threatened before) with no life or hope left to pursue.
I'm talking with one of my friends now this wensday Ill go to his house to talk with his parents, offer room and board and to do chores around the house and extra stuff that they may require, everyone says I'm a good kid but somehow I always draw the short straw.
posted
It appears to me that they just want you to get out and live your own life. I would be willing to bet that they are just worried about you. You can't live with your parents forever. Not being around, I can't really speak regarding the circumstances.
Finding a new place to live is obviously going to be a priority right now. However, I don't think you should necessarily view this as just a negative thing.
You're out of the house. You've got a little bit more freedom. Take some time to find yourself and explore the outside world a little. Don't use the internet for awhile and expierence some fresh air.
Go to an art museum.
I think you should view this more as a new opportunity rather than a new problem.
posted
The obvious question, Blayne, would be what did you do to warrant calling the police? Obviously you had to do something, or else they had to make something up.
If you are up to something that merits police intervention, perhaps it is time for your parents to put you out of the house, on their terms and not yours.
--ApostleRadio on my girlfriend's name, so please direct all nasty criticisms regarding my lack of sympathy for Blayne my direction, and not hers. I am simply too lazy to switch names while I am on her computer.
Posts: 306 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
Blayne, while I'm glad you've realized you need to move, you seem to be saying you're planning on moving from your parent's basement to your friend's parent's basement. I hope you are planning this as an extremely temporary, stopgap measure.
If your parent's don't like the noise you make playing video games at night, how do you think these people are going to feel? Even doing chores, you are going to have to act as a guest in their home, and as the saying goes fish and guests start to stink in three days. You need to get a job that you can support yourself on and find a roommate situation where you are paying a fair rent and supporting yourself. Your life is not going to get better until you do so.
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: everyone says I'm a good kid
You're not a kid Blayne. Good luck on moving out, but you need to realize that you are in fact, an adult.
I hope you land on your feet. Believe it or not, I get excited when I see you have started a thread, hoping each time that when I click on it you will be announcing that you HAVE moved out on your own. Sadly, that post hasn't been made yet.
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
To add another perspective...do a 180--be more submissive to your parents, becoming a huge help rather than a burden. Show them that you can be an adult at home, and when the time comes to move out on your own, you have monetary help. This was the route I took, and I've got a car and a computer for my trouble.
Posts: 1314 | Registered: Jan 2006
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quote:You need to get a job that you can support yourself on and find a roommate situation where you are paying a fair rent and supporting yourself. Your life is not going to get better until you do so.
Judging from your posts on the topic, Blayne, the most important part of this very excellent advice is that every time you think, say, or hint at this being too hard or impossible to remember that the truth is, it's not impossible, and it can't be that hard or else billions of people wouldn't do it all the time.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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1. What did you do to cause your parents to call the police? I get the feeling we are only hearing part of the story.
2. Why is disconnecting the internet such a big threat? People were successful at studying long before the internet existed. If you really think you are that reliant on it, I'd suggest picking four days and trying to go without any internet at all for those four days - just to see how it would go.
3. If you suddenly inherited 50 million dollars, and could live on your own doing anything you want, what would you spend your time doing? Would it make you happy?
Having asked all that, my advice is pretty simple: If you don't like how things are, change something. Something significant. I don't think it has to be any particular given thing, but it has to be something. And if it doesn't work, change something else - eventually things will work out.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
Disconnecting the internet is a big threat because Blayne is addicted to it. 'Studying' is nothing but a hollow excuse.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
and you made an asine statement based nothing but your perception.
Web programming: requires the schools linux server Oracle: Requires the schools oracle server telecom: requires the linux server Unix Networking, requires the linux box at school. User Interfacing: requires email for backuping projects and emailing my work back to myself.
I only play games about an hour or two a day. I spend most of the time spent at home working on homework.
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
ifi got 50 million dollars I would get an apartment within bus ride to school, put it all in a savings account, convert half ofit to gold and make strategic investments, once i graduated ild start up a buseness developing games and software.
they called the police because they felt I was acting crazy and suicidal.
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quote: I only play games about an hour or two a day. I spend most of the time spent at home working on homework.
Why not use the computer lab to do the programming you mentioned above? My first two years of undergraduate coursework in computer science, I did absolutely none of it at home. I probably spent 20+ hours a week there.
You may make some real-life friends in the computer lab, like I did.
Posts: 5656 | Registered: Oct 1999
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Blayne Bradley
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posted
about 2/3 of the time spent in class is elcturing (this semester) i have very little time to do the work much less catchup on the work im currently lagging behind.
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quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: about 2/3 of the time spent in class is elcturing (this semester) i have very little time to do the work much less catchup on the work im currently lagging behind.
It might help if you cut that hour or two a day of gaming out of your schedule.
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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quote:everyone says I'm a good kid but somehow I always draw the short straw.
My advice would be to ditch the self-pitying and the "woe is me, life is unfair and bad things only happen to me" attitude. It never actually solves anything and usually ends up only making existing problems last longer. Once you fall into the downward spiral of despair, it becomes too easy to blame everything else instead of actually motivating yourself to change something that you do have control over.
Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Ill go to his house to talk with his parents, offer room and board and to do chores around the house and extra stuff that they may require
Have you offered any of these things to the people whose house you are currently living in, your parents?
Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Why does this preclude using the lab? Most campus labs I've been to are open until at least 10.
And on weekends. If you don't spend at least 8 hours in the computer lab on a given weekend, you are the exception as a computer science student.
Edit: Though I don't know why I am even bothering to be in this discussion. Blayne will respond with some other excuse for why he can't do this. If there is one constant in Blayne's mind, it's that nothing is ever his fault.
Posts: 5656 | Registered: Oct 1999
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Blayne Bradley
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posted
I dont have a means of transportation to get from home to school, if I stay to 10 PM how do I freaking get home!?
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I've decided to stay out of any discussion with the originator of this thread. As such, this is making for good popcorn fodder. I should probably read this thread with some old-timey soap opera music in the background.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: I dont have a means of transportation to get from home to school, if I stay to 10 PM how do I freaking get home!?
I biked to work and school for several months before I finally got a car.
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Blayne Bradley
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posted
i can't bike to school with my laptop and its a good 2.5 hours away by bike.
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Carpool. Save up money to buy a horrible car that nonetheless runs. Or barring that, ride your dang bike.
You are not in a position to flinch at these sorts of problems. And yes, you can bike to school with your laptop.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
If you're doing your work at the school's computer labs, you don't need to take your laptop.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Blayne Bradley
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posted
no one lives near where I live, I do infact need my laptop for school work, and nor would I be allowed to bike to school because my mom doesn't want me wrecking her bike somehow by hitting a stop sign.
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posted
You've decided it's time to move out... so move, or don't. Either way, your problem is not insurmountable.
With regards to labs--both weekends, and an hour or two after class both seem like viable options. Some of your work presumably can be done offline, too--that can wait till you're at home.
Anyway, you're not in a dire situation (so long as you're not actually suicidal). Find a solution, and commit to it. No one wants to hear excuses.
And best of luck.
Posts: 433 | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:no one lives near where I live, I do infact need my laptop for school work, and nor would I be allowed to bike to school because my mom doesn't want me wrecking her bike somehow by hitting a stop sign.
So buy your own bike. They're not prohibitively expensive, again especially if you have an eye to utility rather than aesthetics or newness.
So let's say then that literally no one lives near you, not just near you and goes to that college. Ask a neighbor. Offer to chip in for gas. Or barring that, look around for people who go to that school between your home and campus, and that might make the trip much shorter.
You've got serious, real-world problems. Your objections make it clear you'd rather complain about them and solicit sympathy than actually tackle them.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
I'll be doing 3 things.
Negotiating with my friend's parents. Getting a programming job (there are 4 or so availiable part time.) and getting a student loan and burseries.
That is it that is all, livng at my firnds would put me closer to school, closer to anglophone jobs.
Offering a similar offer to my parents wont work because they make it clear they don't want me living there, I'm insulted daily and my work and contributions disrespected and blamed for everything that goes wrong with no effort to ask my to fix anything. Enough is enough.
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posted
As always, every single one of your problems is directly under your control. But you'd rather whine about them and make excuses than to act like the grown up you keep claiming to be.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Blayne Bradley
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posted
hasn't everyones advice been "move out and hopefully things will improve" for the last 3 of my family related threads? I am not whining about anything, I am stating what is fact.
1) I lack the means to get to school, spending 2-3 hours biking is implausible.
2) I require internet access always for my homework, you have no right to say otherwise it is not you who is doing my work.
My problems are 100% family related, they cannot be fixed at this time, there is no way to fix them, even when I do do things right I am still criticized, I am still verbally assaulted, I sat down once did absolutely nothing and my dad walks up to me saying what a effing fat ass I am and how he can't believe that someone my age is this fat etc.
Our career choises are insulted, our choices desrespected in every way, and our hobbies discarded as trivial, this is not something I can fix except by sacrificing my own personal gains as a person. I can't handle this, there's no way to fix this except by making distance.
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Actually, I'm all for Blayne getting out of his house and taking out loans to pay for things. But I think he should consider emergency student housing, which is often available.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Actually, I'm all for Blayne getting out of his house and taking out loans to pay for things. But I think he should consider emergency student housing, which is often available.
I'm asuming you mean student loans, yes?
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
If you are so overweight that your dad just randomly calls you fat (sounds like a jerk), then 2-3 hours of riding your bike everyday might be exactly what you need.
Posts: 1286 | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote: If you are so overweight that your dad just randomly calls you fat (sounds like a jerk), then 2-3 hours of riding your bike everyday might be exactly what you need.
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