This is topic Wedding advice in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Hi guys,

I need some advice about how to phrase the information for our wedding registry.

We decided to go for a honeymoon registry rather than a typical registry because, well, we already have everything we want or need - in fact, couldn't even fit more stuff in!

The problem is, I'm bad at asking for money - I can barely bring myself to invoice clients most of the time.

So, knowing that almost everyone would want to give us a gift, but that we'd rather just have money to go towards our honeymoon, we've setup a joint account for the purpose.

How do we politely ask for people to give us money rather than presents??!?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"Stick em up"

Too generic? How about,

"In lieu of gifts, the wedding couple will be accepting donations to their Honeymoon Regisry. Donations can be made by....."
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
I requested (when asked) that people NOT give us gifts and ended up getting a bunch of money gifts. So you could try that. [Smile]

[ December 27, 2007, 01:33 PM: Message edited by: Lissande ]
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I would say that there's no real good way to do it, and say something like "The gift of your presence on our special day is all we wish for." And then figure that people who want to give something, which will probably be most people, will give money instead. You could even let your maid of honor/best man/parents know that if people ask and really want to give something, contributions to the honeymoon wouldn't be turned down. Those are the people most guests will ask, and they'll pass it along tactfully.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Spoken from experience? [Wink]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
What ElJay said. With this change -- you don't put anything in about "the gift of your presence." You don't mention gifts at all in your invitations (ever, no matter where or what you're registered for). You tell your parents, siblings, and attendents, and when people ask them what to get you they pass the information on.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Oh, sure. I didn't mean in the invitations. I've seen it, though, on supplimental wedding information, like websites, which is what I was assuming Troubs was talking about.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Don't. Do not announce the registry at all - registries are there only for when someone asks. When they do, you can tell them, but don't mention a registry or anything resembling an expectation of gifts on any invitation or announcement.

Or, what dkw and ElJay said.

(That's why it's hard to figure out how to say it - there is no polite way to say it.)
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Originally posted by Troubadour:
How do we politely ask for people to give us money rather than presents??!?

You don't politely ask for money. You don't register for money. Just don't register anywhere for anything, and if anyone asks what you would like as a gift, then you can say, "We really don't need any more stuff -- we are pretty much set up for everything we already need to start a household together." But don't ask for money. That's definitively tacky.
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
I second what Tante said. I have been doing a little research on wedding etiquette, and asking for money in lieu of gifts is no-no. Which sucks. Phil and I have been together for a long time and have most of the household stuff we need. We're not 19-year olds setting up home for the first time. Not to mention we'd like to have an expensive honeymoon in scuba diving New Zealand. I wish things were like they did it in Goodfellows, where everyone just gave envelopes.
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Hmmm. Ok, obviously this is something that the US and Australia are very different about. I can't recall a wedding I've been to int the last decade that didn't have a gift registry and have it mentioned in the invites.

Honeymoon registries are now so popular that travel agents offer them as part of the package...

Apparently I'm American tho, since I feel so uncomfortable with the whole thing.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
There's nothing wrong with having a registry -- it's a courtesy to your guests who want to give a gift and want to give you something that you will appreciate and use. It's just bad manners to mention it without being asked.
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
Maybe its just my generation but I've never seen a registry listed on a nice wedding invitation. Fancy invitations on pretty paper are generally regarded by my friends as A) just part of the tradition and B) something that pleases the parents and extended family of the engaged.

Thank goodness for wedding websites where the rest of us can easily access driving directions, RSVP, and have a link immediately available for online gift shopping at the bride and groom's registry of choice.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Send everyone a $5 bill with their invitation, with a note saying "hint hint."

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