Miles he'd come and miles he'd yet to go in an aimless journey. Each and every step confirmed the relentless companion pain had become. Yet with each and every step the goal was that much closer. The source of Puvon's real pain, the pain that continued to gnaw at him from the inside out was always just behind.

Monster, life-thief, bag of vomit. The words continued to pierce his skin and his heart, but redemption called. The hope and dream of some kind of resurrection came at him like a siren's song. Through his haze of pain, the death, the eating of her diseased flesh--they did not understand what drove him on. A new day of pain within and pain without became his focus, until he came to Afalon.

[This message has been edited by Owasm (edited August 19, 2009).]
 

resurrection came at him like a siren's song. "Came at him" is weak and there's usually a stronger aternative.

Through his haze of pain, the death, the eating of her diseased flesh--they did not understand what drove him on. I've read this sentence a few times now, and I'm still not sure what it means. Who died? Who has been eating diseased flesh? Who does the "her" refer to? Who does the "they" refer to?

You have six "pain"'s in this opening, I think that might be a bit excessive.

My overriding impression of this one is that it feels a little cluttered. I think you need to simplify the sentences, lure the reader in to the story before making them work too hard. At the moment I don't feel a major hook--some guy is in pain and walking through a nameless, faceless place.