Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Divine Interdiction

This is topic Divine Interdiction in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Ergoface (Member # 1429) on :

Frightening but true. I am posting my first fragment for feeback. These are the first few lines of a short (approx 1500) word story. If you want the whole story to critique, please post here or just email me directly.

Thanks,

Dave
---------------------------
Divine Interdiction

We were just preparing to make contact with the subject planet, when the Divine Messenger appeared.
# # #
“All tests have been completed captain,” my first officer, Grell, said. “I can’t believe our luck. This planet is ripe: early stage tech development, relatively high population, mostly untapped natural resources, and a divided competitive political climate. We will have no problem at all establishing a very lucrative trade franchise here before the big outfits move in.”
I nodded my head in satisfaction. “No other issues, Zdond?” I asked the second officer.
“None worth mentioning, sir. We will have to take standard bioware precautions, when we are on the planet. They don’t seem to have done anything to eliminate mundane biovectors.”
“Well, that’s probably going to be one of the first negotiating items then,” I said grinning at my crew. “Basic health tools are always one of the hottest items with primitive civilizations.”
I was just about to order that the cloaking shield be dropped, when my first officer noticed the arrival of the messenger.

[This message has been edited by Ergoface (edited April 29, 2003).]

Posted by Hildy9595 (Member # 1489) on :

Okay, you've caught my attention. Please feel free to send to hildy9595@aol.com and indicate whether you want a line-by-line critique or just an overall impression/feedback.

Posted by Penboy_np (Member # 1615) on :

You've got stuff? I like stuff.

Posted by Balthasar (Member # 5399) on :

Sure, I'll take a look at it.

Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :

Your fragment interests me and I would like to see more. So send away. I can use the critiquing practice.

Nellie

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

I'm with you too.

Posted by Fahrion Kryptov (Member # 1544) on :

Yeah, me, too.