posted
My mother's friend, whose parents were missionaries to India and who married an Indian engineer and now lives in India herself, that I have met twice in my life, just sent me a wedding invitation to her son's wedding in Iowa.
I don't really know these people and have no desire to drive to Des Moines for a wedding of people who I don't know at all. The only thing that has ever dragged me that far away from home in that direction was dkw. And I knew and wanted to se her!
What is the polite thing to do?
AJ
And it ticks me off that by virtue of the fact that this woman knows my mother I am now likely obligated to send at least a small gift which is the only option I can see out of it.
posted
The polite thing is to write a nice congratulatory note and send your regrets. I'm sure they will not take it terribly amiss if you simply fail to reply, given the lack of closeness between you. But it takes little effort to write the note, and it is a good and friendly thing to do. If you want to be very friendly, you could send some sort of gift, however this is not required.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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posted
just send a note and say that you cannot attend due to a scheduling conflict, and congratulate them. If you don't want to lie...just find something else to do that day. Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Well I'm simply checking the "regrets" box on the rsvp card and sending it in the enclosed stamped envelope. Her family doesn't know me from Adam anyway.
I'm guessing that they feel just as squicked about inviting the future mother in laws strange friends as the other way around and they couldn't get out of it either.
My mother wants me to go as her representative to appease her own guilt trip for not going.
Though this whole predicament is normal for fundamentalist Christians. Most of them just don't realize how rude they are when they "mean well"
posted
"And it ticks me off that by virtue of the fact that this woman knows my mother I am now likely obligated to send at least a small gift which is the only option I can see out of it."
Banna, a different take on this.
My step-father in law is Indian American. It is a very tight-knit group. Find out what the Indian custom is. It might be VERY different from American etiquette. It might be simple and easy. My feeling is that you are, to them, family. Don't take this as rude on their part. They might feel obligated to YOU.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Generally, way more people are invited than are expected to attend. Many of the invitations are sent out to help the invitee feel included, and in order to announce the marriage. Also, if the invitees feel bad enough to send a gift or money, so much the better for the couple.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
And a ton of invitations sent are parental favor grabs. At work it's why we suggest ordering another 25 invitations than your guest list suggests. There's always an old business associate a dad wants to invite, or one of Mom's old college/bridge party buddies that have no real connection to the bride or groom.
It's just part of the wedding deal. Sounds like you received one of those invitations. The polite and easiest way to respond is to simply put a check in the "regretfully cannot attend" space and leave it at that.
Chances are that the bride and groom will simply pass it over and not give it a second's thought. They've got bigger things on their minds than whether Mom's friend's daughter they haven't met will be able to attend.
An explaination isn't really necessary and if given, might make them feel obligated to drop you a line in return during this busy time.
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Obviously you're going on a bike ride that day and can't make the wedding, but if they're ever up for waching le Tour de France with you they should feel free stop by in July.
posted
So your mother's friend's daughter's son is getting married and you've never met this person, and you're wonderng about etiquette?
Forget the gift. Send me money so I can finish the Implacable Engine of Ultimate Destruction sooner. It is utterly guarenteed to make all questions of etiquette moot.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Elizabeth, I could. But that's so messy. I'm thinking of sending the covert team in to take care of it. There's a lot less paperwork for one of those.
That makes me curious, has there ever been an intra-Hatrack lawsuit?
And Hobbes, you're not the only one who doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about. Read the post above mine - both Scott and I are in Northern Virginia.
posted
They will probably be relieved that you aren't attending. We had X seats available at the reception, but sent out >X invitations because of all the "required" invites, like family I hadn't seen or talked to in 30 years.
We had it carefully determined who would and wouldn't attend. We hit the mark dead on. No empty seats and we didn't have to bring any extras in.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Banana, that is where you regift some hideous gift that you want to get out of the house. Send something really tacky in the hopes of collecting the stamp they send on the mandatory "Thank You" note they write while they should be enjoying their honeymoon.
Intra-Hatrack Lawsuit? The only one I can think of was between Geoff and his father over whether Ender's Game was a rip off of Geoff's adventures at summer camp.
Geoff lost.
Big time.
However, I would love the position in Hatrack Court. I could be the sleazy reporter who likes to lie about what happens in the closed court sessions.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Got a quick and utterly unrelated question, other than the fact that it has to do with wedding invitations and this seemed as good a place as any. I just got a wedding invitation for some close friends of mine, and I plan to go, but the RSVP card just has a blank for the response. Is there something specific (etiquette wise) I'm supposed to write in there? Or can I write anything indicating the affirmative?
Posts: 609 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
If the invitation was addressed to you "and guest" or "and family," be sure to say how many will be attending.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I'm SO up for Jury Duty. I just did one, but I'm looking to convict somebody. Err, I mean, my prior court experience will not affect my ability to judge fairly.
Rant for lawyers: When you make the jury believe that X was guilty, please provide enough EVIDENCE so that we can actually convict, instead of sitting in deliberation for two days trying to find a way that we can. And when we come back, frustrated that we weren't able to bring justice to a wronged little girl, please don't roll your eyes at us as if we had somehow failed in OUR duty. WE are not the ones charged with presenting the proof.
*Points angry finger at annoying attorney* (Not you, Dag.)
posted
That is so annoying, PSI. We were taught in persuasion for advocates that the job of closing (never "summation") is to teach jurors who want to vote your way how to convince other jurors to do so. This necessarily means showing them how the elements of a crime are satisfied for a prosecutor (as much as you can - technically you have to let the judge explain the elements).
posted
Check the box. Send it back, without a gift, which is not obligatory. As for guilt . . . let me know how you do on that point!
Posts: 277 | Registered: Apr 2003
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